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Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

102 points by its_ethan 3y ago

stcroixx 3y ago
Rich millennials (hacker news core demo) will strongly disagree with this I imagine and justify why this doesn’t apply to them. Boomers and millennials have much in common when it comes to discarding wisdom of the past.
itsmemattchung 3y ago
Wife and I have been together for 8+ years and finances is still the #1 area we struggle with (more than sex, more than children), an area we are actively working on improving. When we first had our hiccups, someone suggested we divide our finances as such: - A shared account (shared expenses) - An account (for my eyes only; buy whatever - no questions asked) - An account (for her eyes only; buy whatever - no questions asked) Far from perfect. We're now revisiting our setup and perhaps this article might nudge us in a different direction.
- dryanau 3y ago
  May I ask what specifically some of the issues have been? I know it's digging into a personal area so feel free to ignore this, but I'm curious what kind of issues can arise.
  - itsmemattchung 3y ago
    Issues can be categorized into three buckets: my challenges, her challenges, shared challenges. We're working through many of these with our couple's therapist but here's the gist: 1. When wife would spend beyond our defined budget, I would get angry (stemming from fear) and let that boil inside without ever communicating it verbally 2. When wife and I decided for her to quit her job to parent our first daughter full time, initially was elated and then I felt a financial pressure I've never experienced before 3. Wife had a domestically violent partner before and interprets budgeting as controlling behavior Full disclosure: lots of vulnerability factors for the both of us. I grew up poor and although I have money now, there's lots of emotions tied to finances.
    - jncfhnb 3y ago
      I don’t understand how you can write (1) and not perceive it as an easily solved communication problem with your own wife
      - sooheon 3y ago
        Lots of things about human emotion are dumb but understandable, especially re: money.
      - em-bee 3y ago
        because of point 3. for example my wife didn't like me doing detailed accounting of all of our expenses do i had to stop that. she hasn't spent to much money so that issue didn't come up but i can imagine it being a problem to tell your partner they spend to much if the partner is sensitive about that.
        jncfhnb 3y ago
        That’s not an excuse to let things boil up without talking about it. If you fundamentally cannot communicate with someone you should not get married
        em-bee 3y ago
        that is not fair. it is easy to say, but sometimes very hard to do. things like these are not always predictable, and especially money handling often doesn't even come up as an issue until after you are married for some time.
        jncfhnb 3y ago
        But this is not only predictable but acknowledged. It’s not ideal to fail to communicate and not realize it. It’s not ok to identify as someone who just doesn’t communicate and bottles up their emotions until they’re problematic. It might not be easy. But to do otherwise is a recipe for failure. And we’d be dumb to not acknowledge that. You shouldn’t marry someone you’re not comfortable talking to About difficult things. That’s like the whole point of having a trusted partner.
  - detourdog 3y ago
    We do as the above and I think it is the only thing that makes sense for us. The problem we have is too much is not enough for some. They don't need to spend they need to horde. It causes problems and I think it is actually some other need that is poorly expressed. Never underestimate the ability to have problems in relationships.
- pseudosavant 3y ago
  Don't merge your accounts together. You have the right setup - accounts-wise. Changing it to joint likely won't solve issues, and untangling from joint is difficult.
- d1sxeyes 3y ago
  My wife and I use a pretty simple system which we picked up from some friends of ours: 80% of each of our post-tax income goes into a shared account for stuff which is unambiguously 'shared' costs - for example rent, utilities, groceries, savings, stuff for our son, eating out together, etc. We each keep 20% of our income to do what we want with. This fixes almost all feelings of inequality (I make a bit more than my wife. Personally I'm not that bothered, but my wife feels very strongly that she does not want to be 'supported' by my income, and that her disposable income should be based on her income, not our net income). Every now and then we agree to move a cost into the 'shared' category even if it's clearly not a shared cost (e.g., my wife's phone bill comes out of the shared account because my phone bill is paid by my employer). Sometimes we also 'treat' each other, by taking a cost like a dinner out together as a personal expense (often on pay day, for example). As an exception to the above, my wife is on maternity leave at the moment so we agreed we'd just sum up all our incomings and each of us gets 10%. This is also working pretty well so we might not change it back after she starts working again, but we'll see if she raises this inequality thing again. Obviously YMMV, but this system suits us well
for_i_in_range 3y ago
How about each agreeing to contribute to a joint checking account per month. Like $5K each per month to the joint account. For those of us who own our own business or are self-employed, my business account is mine, and my partner's business account is hers.
- DiggyJohnson 3y ago
  This might seem antagonist, I don’t mean it to be so, but does your proposal not assume both parties make well over 150k a year in salary to contribute such a large sum on a monthly basis with anything to spare?
  - saulpw 3y ago
    From each according to their ability. If you make $50k and your spouse makes $150k, and your monthly expenses are $10k, then it seems quite reasonable for you to put in $2500 and your spouse to contribute $7500. The nice thing about the joint spending account is that you can set up this arrangement and then subsequently ignore it for everything else. All communal bills just get paid, and you are free to spend your excess how you like. If either person takes issue with how the money is spent, then you break it down into what they're missing. If it's nothing, then what's the problem? And if there is something missing, then you can agree to increase what counts as communal bills, including vacations, retirement, etc. All the way to everyone contributing 100% of their income, which is just a traditional joint account (but I would strongly recommend against that; 80-90% should be the max).
    - DiggyJohnson 3y ago
      I do actually agree with the merit of this scheme, now that you’ve laid it out. I still thing the example values you use are extraordinarily high (“10k” / month) but I take your point. Cheers
  - balderdash 3y ago
    Don’t you meant more like $80k a year?
gabereiser 3y ago
All of my personal experience with this points to the opposite. Both my parents kept separate bank accounts and had one joint one for bills. I decided to follow the articles advice and simplify to just one and it was the worst divorce my attorney had ever seen. YMMV. Also, if you entangle your personal finances, I wouldn’t say “staying together” is what your doing, it’s more you are now trapped into supporting the other person (like I was) and they took advantage.
- DiggyJohnson 3y ago
  Was the joint account the cause or catalyst of divorce in your case?
  - gabereiser 3y ago
    I believe it was a catalyst. Trying to put a budget in place to reduce spending only works when both people follow said budget. When you finally have enough and split finances (keeping the joint account for bills, groceries, etc) it was deemed “financial abuse” in the Colorado courts. She claimed she was being abused and everyone bent over backwards to get her free legal services. It was awful. I’m never getting married again.
- pseudosavant 3y ago
  Joint accounts, yes. Only joint accounts, no way. Your parents were right. I wish I had done it that way.
dugmartin 3y ago
I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.
- BooneJS 3y ago
  21 for us, same joint accounts. It probably helps that we both have financial niches we like to pay attention to. I’m the retirement and investments person while she’s the paychecks and credit card person (we don’t have a budget per se, but CC is a nice way for us to get a spending report without much effort).
- paulryanrogers 3y ago
  It can make inheritance simpler in some cases. And if the other person develops into an asshole (not that anyone plans to) then it can also be simpler when it comes time to part ways.
  - hypertele-Xii 3y ago
    Marriage is supposed to end when you die, remember your vows?
    - aleph_minus_one 3y ago
      > Marriage is supposed to end when you die, remember your vows? Well, if these vows turn out to an issue, there do exist options to increase the probablity that one of the marriage partners dies ... ;-) ;-)
    - bandyaboot 3y ago
      That’s not true of all marriage vows. It’s not uncommon for self written vows to essentially be a long-winded way of saying “I promise to be a good partner as long as we’re married”.
- 3y ago
DiggyJohnson 3y ago
Maybe I’m in a bubble, and this doesn’t take away from the value of researching the question, but whom does this surprise? The question of the purpose, value, and content of marriage is certainly in flux at the moment, but to me, a relatively cosmopolitan (currently) single young man, there is no topic the traditionally included are more correct about than marriage.
- whats_a_quasar 3y ago
  I once heard sociology research described as the field that proves with statistics what everyone knows with common sense
  - brokencode 3y ago
    Well that depends on what counts as your “common sense”. When you consider the wildly different political beliefs people have, there is simply no way that statement is true. A software developer from Silicon Valley is probably going to think about things differently than a farmer from Louisiana for example.
mr_beans 3y ago
Yeah, no, sorry. Been burned on that one. Ex couldn’t control herself and spent every last penny that came in. I have more money at the end of the day even with alimony and child support.
- decremental 3y ago
  [dead]
pilgrim0 3y ago
Or maybe it is happy couples that have joint accounts, uh?
- mlinhares 3y ago
  That seems very much to be the case given the comments here, all the comments that think joint accounts are bad seem to be people that ended up being divorced so the marriage itself wasn't going well. I can see how a bad relationship is going to get worse with mixed finances.
- lolinder 3y ago
  Read the abstract. It's a randomized study, not an observational one.
hooverd 3y ago
I can see the abstract but can't access the article. PDF? Anyways, my wife and I have been happy with contributing to a joint account for expenses but keeping our checking accounts separate. Also couples with joint social media are notably not happier according to my very unscientific observations.
jrm4 3y ago
Seems obvious. Though, I think a lot of people here think the takeaway is "if you're in a relationship and you do separate now, you'll be happier if you put them together" and NO NO NO that's not it at all. It's "if y'all were already the type to put them together, you're probably happier than the types who didn't."
- mulmen 3y ago
  Correlation doesn’t imply causation and if there is correlation it doesn’t imply the direction.
  - lolinder 3y ago
    This link is to a study that was a randomized trial, which means it can theoretically contribute to establishing causation: > In a six-wave longitudinal experiment, we investigated whether randomly assigning engaged or newlywed couples to merge their money in a joint bank account increases relationship quality over time. Whereas couples assigned to keep their money in separate accounts or to a no-intervention condition exhibited the normative decline in relationship quality across the first 2 years of marriage, couples assigned to merge money in a joint account sustained strong relationship quality throughout.
    - torstenvl 3y ago
      No. The link is to an abstract of a study, and the abstract claims that it was a randomized trial. A reasonable person may, of course, decide to trust the authors and assume they executed the randomization correctly. However, without being able to read the methodology of the study (which is paywalled), it is just that: an assumption.
      - lolinder 3y ago
        This is a reasonable nitpick, but I'm responding to someone who said "correlation does not imply causation", which pretty clearly communicates that they didn't even read the abstract. Note that I said it can theoretically contribute to causation—I'm not saying the study came to the correct conclusion, just that people should actually follow the link rather than critiquing the study based on the title alone.
beachy 3y ago
For people who will not get divorced this is a good idea (as long as each has some slush money). For people who will get divorced this is a bad idea. For people who might go either way, if you come into the relationship with similar amounts of wealth and no kids, then this is a good idea as everything you make going forward is a result of your partnership, no longer just you yourself. For people who might go either way and who come into a relationship with a wide disparity in wealth or existing kids it is more complex.
Scubabear68 3y ago
I think this strongly depends on the couple. My wife and I have had separate checking accounts for 20 years, and a shared savings account, and a second shared checking account we use strictly for transferring money back and forth (we can’t use savings for that due to stupid banking rules). We also have split the hills according to our relative incomes. I make a lot more so I have the mortgage and a few big ticket items, she has several of the other bills plus her own car payment. We make joint decisions on big things like vacations, or more recently, private school for our kids. I know other couples do it completely differently. Some have totally shared accounts. I know husbands on a strict allowance. Do what works for you.
- Forge36 3y ago
  This sound like what I do. Wife originally wanted a shared account. Then didn't want to change banks (she'd moved and there was no nearby branch). We have a shared account that we pay for the house and daycare with.
- bakemawaytoys 3y ago
  Very similar situation with my partner and I, except we use budgeting software - I manage my own personal budget and our "joint" budget separately. My partner isn't interested in using the software for her own expenses, which is fine. We can both see how much money is allocated to everything, if there's anything one of us wants to spend money on that would be a shared thing - we budget for it.
  - dvd23 3y ago
    Same for us. We both have our own checking and savings accounts, plus a joint checking and a joint savings one. We each put a certain amount every month to the joint account, based on our revenue (I earn more so I contribute more). Everything is then paid from the joint account. For big expenses, we both decide how to spread the money in different categories. We both have money left on our own accounts to use however we want. I would say this works quite well for us, and allow us to plan and budget for our expenses (I mainly do it, she doesn't really care about the software, but she can access it and see how much we have for each category).
theresistor 3y ago
My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/her-eyes-only account creates more stress because now you’re constantly worried about what invisible bad decisions they might be making that will impact you later. It feels like a bandaid fix to the underlying problem of financial incompatibility, and that failing to address the root problem creates stress and challenges down the road.
- taeric 3y ago
  Stated differently, it is a technical solution to a social problem. I'd posit that it is plausible you could both be compatible with multiple accounts for different uses. Especially as you get fortunate enough to have enough income that you can split where it is deposited, there is no reason "joint account" means a single joint account.
  - em-bee 3y ago
    that's a good point, we never formally merged our accounts, but my wife told me the pins to most of her debit cards. i don't know if i told her mine, but that's because the need to do that just never came up. so even though nominally the accounts are separate, in practice we treat all of them as shared.
- em-bee 3y ago
  split finances doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves nor does it create them. my wife and i have separate bank accounts but we don't have a trust issue. payments are made by whoever is doing it from their account. if an account is low on money we just move some without any regards as to whose money it is or who earned it.
  - spott 3y ago
deleted 3y ago
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pbj1968 3y ago
Wouldn’t consider any other arrangement, personally. If you can’t trust each other around the money then there’s not much foundation there, IMO. We both know what the individual budget for non essential purchases is, why do we need top secret accounts? Anyway, whatever works for each couple and keeps them happiest is the best.
- bad_username 3y ago
  Your assumption is that the other person will never change. And the person you trust today will be the same person in 20, 30 years. It is not guaranteed to be true.
PopAlongKid 3y ago
I can't read the article, but it seems like the legal concept of community property (Spanish civil law) vs. separate property should somehow factor into this discussion. About one third of the U.S. married persons are domiciled in community property states (CA & TX being the two largest by population). Commingling separate funds in a joint account can transnmute them to community property. https://www.irs.gov/irm/part25/irm_25-018-001 https://www.irs.gov/irm/part25/irm_25-018-001
asow92 3y ago
My wife and I recently started sharing an Apple Card with combined lines of credit and it makes tracking monthly expenses so much easier than having two independent cards. We also share a bank account and mortgage, but have our own investment accounts
jarjoura 3y ago
This is such a weird study. People that choose to keep separate finances seem like the exception rather than the norm. So you'd find way more people in the shared bucket than not. Personally, I grew up watching my parents relationship crumble over finances and long since had a very sour taste to it. So I always vowed to keep mine separate. We do keep a shared account together that we pool money into it so that when either of us retire or get sick, we'd have this to fall back on later in life. We have an agreement on putting the same amount of money into this shared account and then have whatever is left over to do as we please. Worst cast we end our relationship and can then easily take our half back out without feeling cheated.
- lolinder 3y ago
  This is a randomized trial, not an observational study.
nazgulsenpai 3y ago
Or they say they are happier because they don't want to upset the other person with withdrawal ability on their checking account.
IG_Semmelweiss 3y ago
DO what's right for your relationship. There are sooo many ways this can go wrong. Independent-minded types will have a problem with joint accounts, anxious types will have a problem with separate accounts. Its all over the place. Think outside the box: resort to joint credit cards or open-book bank statements (but not joint bank accounts). Automated payments are your friend. Any arrangement will tend to put an already strained relationship in the rocks. Unemployment, income disparity, etc will impact you. Do what makes you and your partner happy. No grudges or resentments. Empathize with the other's needs but don't make yourself a floormat either.
shove 3y ago
I was so “never again” from my first marriage that I literally just pay for everything* but I refuse to do a joint account. It’s just extra bureaucratic headache (in our case) and I’m going to occasionally splurge when I want to. I went overboard setting up a shop during Covid and yeah it led to some strife. We worked through it. * My wife’s a teacher and rather than argue about money, I let her keep her income as our savings, vacations, whatever she wants otherwise; I use my much higher tech income and pay all the recurring bills, handle retirement savings, restaurants, etc.
luuurker 3y ago
[Ignore this and see the reply to my comment. I can't open the site for some reason.] I don't think it's the joint account that makes them happy. It's their happiness and trust as a couple that makes them have a joint account.
- lolinder 3y ago
  Did you read the abstract, or just the title? This is a randomized trial, with couples assigned to do one or the other over the first two years of marriage.
cafard 3y ago
Probably my favorite line in P.G. Wodehouse is "The saddest words of tongue or pen are not 'It might have been', they are 'joint checking account'." In practice, it is not that tragic. Joint finances do mean that surprise birthday or Christmas presents must be paid for in cash, or if that is not possible I have to have my son make the purchase and then reimburse him.
johnea 3y ago
What about divorcing couples w/ joint accounts? Are they happier? I think a couple's happiness is largely dictated by the specific people in the couple...
scyzoryk_xyz 3y ago
As a young couple we use Splitwise to track all our shared expenses, bills and what-nots. It creates this self-balancing mechanic where whoever owes is the one paying for the thing. We’re probably going to be doing the whole combined finances soon, but if you have any financial relationship with any person or group, Splitwise is great for keeping the score.
scarface_74 3y ago
My wife and I have always had “separate joint” accounts. We are both on all accounts. We’ve been married since 2012. Her check went into “her” account and my check went into “my” account. I paid “my” bills out of my account and she paid “her” bills out of her account. I made so much more than her while she was working, I ended up putting money in her account to make up her spending money short fall. We both have a zero based budget. After we pay our bills and put aside savings, we could each just look at our own accounts to see what we could spend until the next pay period. She was mostly working for “her” spending money and provide stable health insurance working part time in the school system for the family while I job hopped rebuilding my career. Then in 2020, I fell into my current $BigTech job and I didn’t want her to be in the school system because of a little world wide pandemic and I “retired” her. Before that, we talked about how much she would need to be comfortable. That amount gets deposited into “her” account when I get paid. While we talk about all of our long term goals and neither one of us make big purchases without talking to the other, what we do with our allowances there are no questions asked.
wrp 3y ago
Something I've seen frequently in the business world is the husband and wife maintaining separate financial identities so that if one side's business goes bankrupt, a large chunk of the family wealth will be protected.
- batiudrami 3y ago
  this is what limited liability corporations are for, no?
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
dc3k 3y ago
I couldn't be happier with a hybrid setup. My gf and I have an account that we both contribute mortgage and utility money into. Our finances are otherwise completely separate. We buy whatever we want and trust each other to pay our share. It is extremely easy and has not once resulted in any arguments.
- SeasonalEnnui 3y ago
  Same here. It has been educational to see the various viewpoints in the comments and how complex this can get.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
cat_plus_plus 3y ago
Doesn't show much? - Is relationship quality THE ONLY thing that matters? Certainly it's very important, but individuals needs and wants, or desire to help other family members are not NOTHING. If drop in relationship quality was slight, but improvements to these other areas were pronounced, could be a trade off to consider? - Couples were randomly assigned to each group and presumably ones who didn't adhere dropped out of study. Would the results be the same if decisions were made based on a heartfelt discussion, with agreement to try the other arrangement if the first one caused too much friction. - Why is it an either/or? Is it a given that keeping a small "for personable hobbies" account while depositing most money in a family fund would hurt? Conversely, would rationally planning family needs and then keeping the rest of the money for personal enjoyment or treating each other with gifts/experiences be bad? I am lucky enough to have inexpensive hobbies, so I can just spend of them as I wish and it's not going to move a needle on family finances. But if someone wants a family AND to climb Everest, I would not begrudge them not giving up on either dream.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
shearnie 3y ago
If your partner has adult ADHD separating finances save a ton of stress. Maybe happy couples with aligned spending and lifestyle expectations end up joining their accounts as an outcome. Rather than joining accounts make you happy
flangola7 3y ago
They should study polycule finances. Every family should frankly have a CPA.
londgine 3y ago
I have a question regarding a prenup. Maybe people here have good ideas. I know someone (she) who inherited a house in a hcol area. When getting married they made a prenup so that she would keep ownership of the house. They also had separate accounts but lived together and spit the bills, an otherwise happy marriage. Then came a time, after both of them earned some money that they wanted to renovate the house. That caused some issues, because if the house is completely her's, should he chip in for renovations? Together they have enough money for renovations, but she herself doesn't. They will obviously both benefit from the renovations, and he is willing to chip in. But I don't know what would be a good solution. Obviously this is someone else, so I won't get too involved, but I'm going to get married soon, and things like this make a prenup look like it doesn't solve problems, rather replaces problems with other problems.
- wakamoleguy 3y ago
  IANAL, but if the prenup doesn’t already cover this, then they could always draw up a new contract amending it.
- ketralnis 3y ago
  Prenups can say (almost) whatever you want, so the short answer is to cover maintenance expenses in the same document that gives you a stake in the property in the first place even if that stake is just a residence one. Of course that's much more obvious in hindsight but there's also postnups which can amend the prenup. If I were pitching in to renovate a property I'd want equity in it. You can do that with or without the inheritance or the prenup: figure out the value of the property before and after the renovations and assign that percentage to the person that covered them. That's what I'd do in a non-romantic housemate situation but of course a marriage is way more complicated and there are lots of pieces that aren't purely legal or equity in nature. A prenup isn't going to absolve you of that.
helpfulmandrill 3y ago
I think even if you fully pool finances, it is best to each take an agreed "allowance" out of that for personal consumption. I don't think its healthy to be a position where any and every purchase you make could be questioned and/or criticised. Some things should be your own private decision.
themoonisachees 3y ago
Applying Hank's razor: Couples who are happier are much more likely to agree to open a joint checking account, skewing the stats
- throw0101a 3y ago
  The study thought of this: > Procedure [of Study 1]: Once both partners completed the intake survey (month 0), we randomly assigned couples to one of three bank account structure conditions. We informed couples via e- mail and provided condition-specific instructions. In the Separate Condition, we instructed couples to continue using separate checking and savings accounts and to not open joint checking and savings accounts, for the duration of the 2-year experiment. In the Joint Condition, we instructed couples to open joint checking and/or savings account(s) (within 1 month of them receiving these instruc- tions), use those joint account(s), and discontinue using their separate account(s) for the duration of the 2-year experiment. In the No-Intervention Condition, we told couples that they could manage their money however they liked for the duration of the 2-year experiment. * PDF: https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr/ucad020/7077142?utm_source=authortollfreelink&utm_campaign=jcr&utm_medium=email&guestAccessKey=32d8dc66-db46-45ab-a360-57a401a01af9 https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr... "randomly assigned couples to"
throw0101a 3y ago
Co-author supplied link to the PDF: * https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr/ucad020/7077142?utm_source=authortollfreelink&utm_campaign=jcr&utm_medium=email&guestAccessKey=32d8dc66-db46-45ab-a360-57a401a01af9 https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr... * Via: https://twitter.com/JennyGin18/status/1636732475375321089 https://twitter.com/JennyGin18/status/1636732475375321089
tyleo 3y ago
We use a joint account and joint credit cards for most things. We each take a $250 monthly allowance to personal accounts. Most of our personal purchases still come from the joint account but every once in awhile you want something big without running it past the other person or you want to buy a gift for them and need the privacy. We budget and pay off our credit cards every week. This arrangement works well for us. We are both financially responsible though. I think my wife prefers the joint account because I do the weekly budgeting and it allows her to get a clear view of her own expenses with charts. It also prevents all conversation of the sort, “who is paying for this,” that I’ve seen some of our friends get into. I don’t really care if my wife spends more than I do. I don’t think she cares if I spend more than her. What we care for is that we can get a clear overview of everything to understand how our team is doing.
- hashmush 3y ago
  Our situation is the same. I think it works well because we are both quite restrictive by nature, so whenever one of us wants to buy something the other often encourages them. Not sure how it would work with a couple that tends to spend more each month or a situation where one has an expensive hobby and the other doesn't.
raspyberr 3y ago
From reading some comments I'm surprised joint account doesn't just mean money for rent/mortgage, bills, groceries, repairs, house stuff. Share the money that's meant to be shared and don't share the money that isn't. I don't want to spend my partner's money on things that exclusively will be used by me, it just doesn't make sense.
- em-bee 3y ago
  in marriage all money is to be shared. you can give yourselves an allowance, but the money you earn is just as much your partners, as the money your partner earns is yours.
seoulbigchris 3y ago
In South Korea where I live, joint accounts are illegal. You can share cards and PIN numbers with your spouse, and that practice is at least informally accepted. But it’s not a true joint account and doesn’t have the benefit of survivorship.
- vsskanth 3y ago
  Does the no survivorship benefit also apply to retirement and investment accounts ? What happens to the money when someone passes away then ?
  - seoulbigchris 3y ago
    The money / property passes through normal probate process. It’s not automatic like would be in a joint account.
- em-bee 3y ago
  you can have a bank account only in one persons name, but that doesn't mean you can't treat the account as a joint account.
  - seoulbigchris 3y ago
    Practically speaking, yes. I am not sure it’s completely legal. For example, my wife made such an account in her name and the reason she said was for our savings. A week later the bank shut down the account be side they said an account can’t be shared. It that’s just one anecdotal story.
svilen_dobrev 3y ago
expressing love .. with money? mmh. or trust over those? maybe that's closer..

102 points by its_ethan 3y ago

Rich millennials (hacker news core demo) will strongly disagree with this I imagine and justify why this doesn’t apply to them. Boomers and millennials have much in common when it comes to discarding wisdom of the past.

itsmemattchung 3y ago

Wife and I have been together for 8+ years and finances is still the #1 area we struggle with (more than sex, more than children), an area we are actively working on improving. When we first had our hiccups, someone suggested we divide our finances as such: - A shared account (shared expenses) - An account (for my eyes only; buy whatever - no questions asked) - An account (for her eyes only; buy whatever - no questions asked) Far from perfect. We're now revisiting our setup and perhaps this article might nudge us in a different direction.

dryanau 3y ago
May I ask what specifically some of the issues have been? I know it's digging into a personal area so feel free to ignore this, but I'm curious what kind of issues can arise.
- itsmemattchung 3y ago
  Issues can be categorized into three buckets: my challenges, her challenges, shared challenges. We're working through many of these with our couple's therapist but here's the gist: 1. When wife would spend beyond our defined budget, I would get angry (stemming from fear) and let that boil inside without ever communicating it verbally 2. When wife and I decided for her to quit her job to parent our first daughter full time, initially was elated and then I felt a financial pressure I've never experienced before 3. Wife had a domestically violent partner before and interprets budgeting as controlling behavior Full disclosure: lots of vulnerability factors for the both of us. I grew up poor and although I have money now, there's lots of emotions tied to finances.
  - jncfhnb 3y ago
    I don’t understand how you can write (1) and not perceive it as an easily solved communication problem with your own wife
    - sooheon 3y ago
      Lots of things about human emotion are dumb but understandable, especially re: money.
    - em-bee 3y ago
      because of point 3. for example my wife didn't like me doing detailed accounting of all of our expenses do i had to stop that. she hasn't spent to much money so that issue didn't come up but i can imagine it being a problem to tell your partner they spend to much if the partner is sensitive about that.
      - jncfhnb 3y ago
        That’s not an excuse to let things boil up without talking about it. If you fundamentally cannot communicate with someone you should not get married
        em-bee 3y ago
        that is not fair. it is easy to say, but sometimes very hard to do. things like these are not always predictable, and especially money handling often doesn't even come up as an issue until after you are married for some time.
        jncfhnb 3y ago
        But this is not only predictable but acknowledged. It’s not ideal to fail to communicate and not realize it. It’s not ok to identify as someone who just doesn’t communicate and bottles up their emotions until they’re problematic. It might not be easy. But to do otherwise is a recipe for failure. And we’d be dumb to not acknowledge that. You shouldn’t marry someone you’re not comfortable talking to About difficult things. That’s like the whole point of having a trusted partner.
- detourdog 3y ago
  We do as the above and I think it is the only thing that makes sense for us. The problem we have is too much is not enough for some. They don't need to spend they need to horde. It causes problems and I think it is actually some other need that is poorly expressed. Never underestimate the ability to have problems in relationships.
pseudosavant 3y ago
Don't merge your accounts together. You have the right setup - accounts-wise. Changing it to joint likely won't solve issues, and untangling from joint is difficult.
d1sxeyes 3y ago
My wife and I use a pretty simple system which we picked up from some friends of ours: 80% of each of our post-tax income goes into a shared account for stuff which is unambiguously 'shared' costs - for example rent, utilities, groceries, savings, stuff for our son, eating out together, etc. We each keep 20% of our income to do what we want with. This fixes almost all feelings of inequality (I make a bit more than my wife. Personally I'm not that bothered, but my wife feels very strongly that she does not want to be 'supported' by my income, and that her disposable income should be based on her income, not our net income). Every now and then we agree to move a cost into the 'shared' category even if it's clearly not a shared cost (e.g., my wife's phone bill comes out of the shared account because my phone bill is paid by my employer). Sometimes we also 'treat' each other, by taking a cost like a dinner out together as a personal expense (often on pay day, for example). As an exception to the above, my wife is on maternity leave at the moment so we agreed we'd just sum up all our incomings and each of us gets 10%. This is also working pretty well so we might not change it back after she starts working again, but we'll see if she raises this inequality thing again. Obviously YMMV, but this system suits us well

for_i_in_range 3y ago

How about each agreeing to contribute to a joint checking account per month. Like $5K each per month to the joint account. For those of us who own our own business or are self-employed, my business account is mine, and my partner's business account is hers.

DiggyJohnson 3y ago
This might seem antagonist, I don’t mean it to be so, but does your proposal not assume both parties make well over 150k a year in salary to contribute such a large sum on a monthly basis with anything to spare?
- saulpw 3y ago
  From each according to their ability. If you make $50k and your spouse makes $150k, and your monthly expenses are $10k, then it seems quite reasonable for you to put in $2500 and your spouse to contribute $7500. The nice thing about the joint spending account is that you can set up this arrangement and then subsequently ignore it for everything else. All communal bills just get paid, and you are free to spend your excess how you like. If either person takes issue with how the money is spent, then you break it down into what they're missing. If it's nothing, then what's the problem? And if there is something missing, then you can agree to increase what counts as communal bills, including vacations, retirement, etc. All the way to everyone contributing 100% of their income, which is just a traditional joint account (but I would strongly recommend against that; 80-90% should be the max).
  - DiggyJohnson 3y ago
    I do actually agree with the merit of this scheme, now that you’ve laid it out. I still thing the example values you use are extraordinarily high (“10k” / month) but I take your point. Cheers
- balderdash 3y ago
  Don’t you meant more like $80k a year?

gabereiser 3y ago

All of my personal experience with this points to the opposite. Both my parents kept separate bank accounts and had one joint one for bills. I decided to follow the articles advice and simplify to just one and it was the worst divorce my attorney had ever seen. YMMV. Also, if you entangle your personal finances, I wouldn’t say “staying together” is what your doing, it’s more you are now trapped into supporting the other person (like I was) and they took advantage.

DiggyJohnson 3y ago
Was the joint account the cause or catalyst of divorce in your case?
- gabereiser 3y ago
  I believe it was a catalyst. Trying to put a budget in place to reduce spending only works when both people follow said budget. When you finally have enough and split finances (keeping the joint account for bills, groceries, etc) it was deemed “financial abuse” in the Colorado courts. She claimed she was being abused and everyone bent over backwards to get her free legal services. It was awful. I’m never getting married again.
pseudosavant 3y ago
Joint accounts, yes. Only joint accounts, no way. Your parents were right. I wish I had done it that way.

dugmartin 3y ago

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

BooneJS 3y ago
21 for us, same joint accounts. It probably helps that we both have financial niches we like to pay attention to. I’m the retirement and investments person while she’s the paychecks and credit card person (we don’t have a budget per se, but CC is a nice way for us to get a spending report without much effort).
paulryanrogers 3y ago
It can make inheritance simpler in some cases. And if the other person develops into an asshole (not that anyone plans to) then it can also be simpler when it comes time to part ways.
- hypertele-Xii 3y ago
  Marriage is supposed to end when you die, remember your vows?
  - aleph_minus_one 3y ago
    > Marriage is supposed to end when you die, remember your vows? Well, if these vows turn out to an issue, there do exist options to increase the probablity that one of the marriage partners dies ... ;-) ;-)
  - bandyaboot 3y ago
    That’s not true of all marriage vows. It’s not uncommon for self written vows to essentially be a long-winded way of saying “I promise to be a good partner as long as we’re married”.
3y ago

DiggyJohnson 3y ago

Maybe I’m in a bubble, and this doesn’t take away from the value of researching the question, but whom does this surprise? The question of the purpose, value, and content of marriage is certainly in flux at the moment, but to me, a relatively cosmopolitan (currently) single young man, there is no topic the traditionally included are more correct about than marriage.

whats_a_quasar 3y ago
I once heard sociology research described as the field that proves with statistics what everyone knows with common sense
- brokencode 3y ago
  Well that depends on what counts as your “common sense”. When you consider the wildly different political beliefs people have, there is simply no way that statement is true. A software developer from Silicon Valley is probably going to think about things differently than a farmer from Louisiana for example.

mr_beans 3y ago

Yeah, no, sorry. Been burned on that one. Ex couldn’t control herself and spent every last penny that came in. I have more money at the end of the day even with alimony and child support.

decremental 3y ago
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pilgrim0 3y ago

Or maybe it is happy couples that have joint accounts, uh?

mlinhares 3y ago
That seems very much to be the case given the comments here, all the comments that think joint accounts are bad seem to be people that ended up being divorced so the marriage itself wasn't going well. I can see how a bad relationship is going to get worse with mixed finances.
lolinder 3y ago
Read the abstract. It's a randomized study, not an observational one.

hooverd 3y ago

I can see the abstract but can't access the article. PDF? Anyways, my wife and I have been happy with contributing to a joint account for expenses but keeping our checking accounts separate. Also couples with joint social media are notably not happier according to my very unscientific observations.

jrm4 3y ago

Seems obvious. Though, I think a lot of people here think the takeaway is "if you're in a relationship and you do separate now, you'll be happier if you put them together" and NO NO NO that's not it at all. It's "if y'all were already the type to put them together, you're probably happier than the types who didn't."

mulmen 3y ago
Correlation doesn’t imply causation and if there is correlation it doesn’t imply the direction.
- lolinder 3y ago
  This link is to a study that was a randomized trial, which means it can theoretically contribute to establishing causation: > In a six-wave longitudinal experiment, we investigated whether randomly assigning engaged or newlywed couples to merge their money in a joint bank account increases relationship quality over time. Whereas couples assigned to keep their money in separate accounts or to a no-intervention condition exhibited the normative decline in relationship quality across the first 2 years of marriage, couples assigned to merge money in a joint account sustained strong relationship quality throughout.
  - torstenvl 3y ago
    No. The link is to an abstract of a study, and the abstract claims that it was a randomized trial. A reasonable person may, of course, decide to trust the authors and assume they executed the randomization correctly. However, without being able to read the methodology of the study (which is paywalled), it is just that: an assumption.
    - lolinder 3y ago
      This is a reasonable nitpick, but I'm responding to someone who said "correlation does not imply causation", which pretty clearly communicates that they didn't even read the abstract. Note that I said it can theoretically contribute to causation—I'm not saying the study came to the correct conclusion, just that people should actually follow the link rather than critiquing the study based on the title alone.

beachy 3y ago

For people who will not get divorced this is a good idea (as long as each has some slush money). For people who will get divorced this is a bad idea. For people who might go either way, if you come into the relationship with similar amounts of wealth and no kids, then this is a good idea as everything you make going forward is a result of your partnership, no longer just you yourself. For people who might go either way and who come into a relationship with a wide disparity in wealth or existing kids it is more complex.

Scubabear68 3y ago

I think this strongly depends on the couple. My wife and I have had separate checking accounts for 20 years, and a shared savings account, and a second shared checking account we use strictly for transferring money back and forth (we can’t use savings for that due to stupid banking rules). We also have split the hills according to our relative incomes. I make a lot more so I have the mortgage and a few big ticket items, she has several of the other bills plus her own car payment. We make joint decisions on big things like vacations, or more recently, private school for our kids. I know other couples do it completely differently. Some have totally shared accounts. I know husbands on a strict allowance. Do what works for you.

Forge36 3y ago
This sound like what I do. Wife originally wanted a shared account. Then didn't want to change banks (she'd moved and there was no nearby branch). We have a shared account that we pay for the house and daycare with.
bakemawaytoys 3y ago
Very similar situation with my partner and I, except we use budgeting software - I manage my own personal budget and our "joint" budget separately. My partner isn't interested in using the software for her own expenses, which is fine. We can both see how much money is allocated to everything, if there's anything one of us wants to spend money on that would be a shared thing - we budget for it.
- dvd23 3y ago
  Same for us. We both have our own checking and savings accounts, plus a joint checking and a joint savings one. We each put a certain amount every month to the joint account, based on our revenue (I earn more so I contribute more). Everything is then paid from the joint account. For big expenses, we both decide how to spread the money in different categories. We both have money left on our own accounts to use however we want. I would say this works quite well for us, and allow us to plan and budget for our expenses (I mainly do it, she doesn't really care about the software, but she can access it and see how much we have for each category).

theresistor 3y ago

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/her-eyes-only account creates more stress because now you’re constantly worried about what invisible bad decisions they might be making that will impact you later. It feels like a bandaid fix to the underlying problem of financial incompatibility, and that failing to address the root problem creates stress and challenges down the road.

taeric 3y ago
Stated differently, it is a technical solution to a social problem. I'd posit that it is plausible you could both be compatible with multiple accounts for different uses. Especially as you get fortunate enough to have enough income that you can split where it is deposited, there is no reason "joint account" means a single joint account.
- em-bee 3y ago
  that's a good point, we never formally merged our accounts, but my wife told me the pins to most of her debit cards. i don't know if i told her mine, but that's because the need to do that just never came up. so even though nominally the accounts are separate, in practice we treat all of them as shared.
em-bee 3y ago
split finances doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves nor does it create them. my wife and i have separate bank accounts but we don't have a trust issue. payments are made by whoever is doing it from their account. if an account is low on money we just move some without any regards as to whose money it is or who earned it.
- spott 3y ago

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pbj1968 3y ago

Wouldn’t consider any other arrangement, personally. If you can’t trust each other around the money then there’s not much foundation there, IMO. We both know what the individual budget for non essential purchases is, why do we need top secret accounts? Anyway, whatever works for each couple and keeps them happiest is the best.

bad_username 3y ago
Your assumption is that the other person will never change. And the person you trust today will be the same person in 20, 30 years. It is not guaranteed to be true.

PopAlongKid 3y ago

I can't read the article, but it seems like the legal concept of community property (Spanish civil law) vs. separate property should somehow factor into this discussion. About one third of the U.S. married persons are domiciled in community property states (CA & TX being the two largest by population). Commingling separate funds in a joint account can transnmute them to community property. https://www.irs.gov/irm/part25/irm_25-018-001 https://www.irs.gov/irm/part25/irm_25-018-001

asow92 3y ago

My wife and I recently started sharing an Apple Card with combined lines of credit and it makes tracking monthly expenses so much easier than having two independent cards. We also share a bank account and mortgage, but have our own investment accounts

jarjoura 3y ago

This is such a weird study. People that choose to keep separate finances seem like the exception rather than the norm. So you'd find way more people in the shared bucket than not. Personally, I grew up watching my parents relationship crumble over finances and long since had a very sour taste to it. So I always vowed to keep mine separate. We do keep a shared account together that we pool money into it so that when either of us retire or get sick, we'd have this to fall back on later in life. We have an agreement on putting the same amount of money into this shared account and then have whatever is left over to do as we please. Worst cast we end our relationship and can then easily take our half back out without feeling cheated.

lolinder 3y ago
This is a randomized trial, not an observational study.

nazgulsenpai 3y ago

Or they say they are happier because they don't want to upset the other person with withdrawal ability on their checking account.

IG_Semmelweiss 3y ago

DO what's right for your relationship. There are sooo many ways this can go wrong. Independent-minded types will have a problem with joint accounts, anxious types will have a problem with separate accounts. Its all over the place. Think outside the box: resort to joint credit cards or open-book bank statements (but not joint bank accounts). Automated payments are your friend. Any arrangement will tend to put an already strained relationship in the rocks. Unemployment, income disparity, etc will impact you. Do what makes you and your partner happy. No grudges or resentments. Empathize with the other's needs but don't make yourself a floormat either.

shove 3y ago

I was so “never again” from my first marriage that I literally just pay for everything* but I refuse to do a joint account. It’s just extra bureaucratic headache (in our case) and I’m going to occasionally splurge when I want to. I went overboard setting up a shop during Covid and yeah it led to some strife. We worked through it. * My wife’s a teacher and rather than argue about money, I let her keep her income as our savings, vacations, whatever she wants otherwise; I use my much higher tech income and pay all the recurring bills, handle retirement savings, restaurants, etc.

luuurker 3y ago

[Ignore this and see the reply to my comment. I can't open the site for some reason.] I don't think it's the joint account that makes them happy. It's their happiness and trust as a couple that makes them have a joint account.

lolinder 3y ago
Did you read the abstract, or just the title? This is a randomized trial, with couples assigned to do one or the other over the first two years of marriage.

cafard 3y ago

Probably my favorite line in P.G. Wodehouse is "The saddest words of tongue or pen are not 'It might have been', they are 'joint checking account'." In practice, it is not that tragic. Joint finances do mean that surprise birthday or Christmas presents must be paid for in cash, or if that is not possible I have to have my son make the purchase and then reimburse him.

johnea 3y ago

What about divorcing couples w/ joint accounts? Are they happier? I think a couple's happiness is largely dictated by the specific people in the couple...

scyzoryk_xyz 3y ago

As a young couple we use Splitwise to track all our shared expenses, bills and what-nots. It creates this self-balancing mechanic where whoever owes is the one paying for the thing. We’re probably going to be doing the whole combined finances soon, but if you have any financial relationship with any person or group, Splitwise is great for keeping the score.

scarface_74 3y ago

My wife and I have always had “separate joint” accounts. We are both on all accounts. We’ve been married since 2012. Her check went into “her” account and my check went into “my” account. I paid “my” bills out of my account and she paid “her” bills out of her account. I made so much more than her while she was working, I ended up putting money in her account to make up her spending money short fall. We both have a zero based budget. After we pay our bills and put aside savings, we could each just look at our own accounts to see what we could spend until the next pay period. She was mostly working for “her” spending money and provide stable health insurance working part time in the school system for the family while I job hopped rebuilding my career. Then in 2020, I fell into my current $BigTech job and I didn’t want her to be in the school system because of a little world wide pandemic and I “retired” her. Before that, we talked about how much she would need to be comfortable. That amount gets deposited into “her” account when I get paid. While we talk about all of our long term goals and neither one of us make big purchases without talking to the other, what we do with our allowances there are no questions asked.

wrp 3y ago

Something I've seen frequently in the business world is the husband and wife maintaining separate financial identities so that if one side's business goes bankrupt, a large chunk of the family wealth will be protected.

batiudrami 3y ago
this is what limited liability corporations are for, no?
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dc3k 3y ago

I couldn't be happier with a hybrid setup. My gf and I have an account that we both contribute mortgage and utility money into. Our finances are otherwise completely separate. We buy whatever we want and trust each other to pay our share. It is extremely easy and has not once resulted in any arguments.

SeasonalEnnui 3y ago
Same here. It has been educational to see the various viewpoints in the comments and how complex this can get.
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cat_plus_plus 3y ago

Doesn't show much? - Is relationship quality THE ONLY thing that matters? Certainly it's very important, but individuals needs and wants, or desire to help other family members are not NOTHING. If drop in relationship quality was slight, but improvements to these other areas were pronounced, could be a trade off to consider? - Couples were randomly assigned to each group and presumably ones who didn't adhere dropped out of study. Would the results be the same if decisions were made based on a heartfelt discussion, with agreement to try the other arrangement if the first one caused too much friction. - Why is it an either/or? Is it a given that keeping a small "for personable hobbies" account while depositing most money in a family fund would hurt? Conversely, would rationally planning family needs and then keeping the rest of the money for personal enjoyment or treating each other with gifts/experiences be bad? I am lucky enough to have inexpensive hobbies, so I can just spend of them as I wish and it's not going to move a needle on family finances. But if someone wants a family AND to climb Everest, I would not begrudge them not giving up on either dream.

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shearnie 3y ago

If your partner has adult ADHD separating finances save a ton of stress. Maybe happy couples with aligned spending and lifestyle expectations end up joining their accounts as an outcome. Rather than joining accounts make you happy

flangola7 3y ago

They should study polycule finances. Every family should frankly have a CPA.

londgine 3y ago

I have a question regarding a prenup. Maybe people here have good ideas. I know someone (she) who inherited a house in a hcol area. When getting married they made a prenup so that she would keep ownership of the house. They also had separate accounts but lived together and spit the bills, an otherwise happy marriage. Then came a time, after both of them earned some money that they wanted to renovate the house. That caused some issues, because if the house is completely her's, should he chip in for renovations? Together they have enough money for renovations, but she herself doesn't. They will obviously both benefit from the renovations, and he is willing to chip in. But I don't know what would be a good solution. Obviously this is someone else, so I won't get too involved, but I'm going to get married soon, and things like this make a prenup look like it doesn't solve problems, rather replaces problems with other problems.

wakamoleguy 3y ago
IANAL, but if the prenup doesn’t already cover this, then they could always draw up a new contract amending it.
ketralnis 3y ago
Prenups can say (almost) whatever you want, so the short answer is to cover maintenance expenses in the same document that gives you a stake in the property in the first place even if that stake is just a residence one. Of course that's much more obvious in hindsight but there's also postnups which can amend the prenup. If I were pitching in to renovate a property I'd want equity in it. You can do that with or without the inheritance or the prenup: figure out the value of the property before and after the renovations and assign that percentage to the person that covered them. That's what I'd do in a non-romantic housemate situation but of course a marriage is way more complicated and there are lots of pieces that aren't purely legal or equity in nature. A prenup isn't going to absolve you of that.

helpfulmandrill 3y ago

I think even if you fully pool finances, it is best to each take an agreed "allowance" out of that for personal consumption. I don't think its healthy to be a position where any and every purchase you make could be questioned and/or criticised. Some things should be your own private decision.

themoonisachees 3y ago

Applying Hank's razor: Couples who are happier are much more likely to agree to open a joint checking account, skewing the stats

throw0101a 3y ago
The study thought of this: > Procedure [of Study 1]: Once both partners completed the intake survey (month 0), we randomly assigned couples to one of three bank account structure conditions. We informed couples via e- mail and provided condition-specific instructions. In the Separate Condition, we instructed couples to continue using separate checking and savings accounts and to not open joint checking and savings accounts, for the duration of the 2-year experiment. In the Joint Condition, we instructed couples to open joint checking and/or savings account(s) (within 1 month of them receiving these instruc- tions), use those joint account(s), and discontinue using their separate account(s) for the duration of the 2-year experiment. In the No-Intervention Condition, we told couples that they could manage their money however they liked for the duration of the 2-year experiment. * PDF: https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr/ucad020/7077142?utm_source=authortollfreelink&utm_campaign=jcr&utm_medium=email&guestAccessKey=32d8dc66-db46-45ab-a360-57a401a01af9 https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr... "randomly assigned couples to"

throw0101a 3y ago

Co-author supplied link to the PDF: * https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr/ucad020/7077142?utm_source=authortollfreelink&utm_campaign=jcr&utm_medium=email&guestAccessKey=32d8dc66-db46-45ab-a360-57a401a01af9 https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jcr... * Via: https://twitter.com/JennyGin18/status/1636732475375321089 https://twitter.com/JennyGin18/status/1636732475375321089

tyleo 3y ago

We use a joint account and joint credit cards for most things. We each take a $250 monthly allowance to personal accounts. Most of our personal purchases still come from the joint account but every once in awhile you want something big without running it past the other person or you want to buy a gift for them and need the privacy. We budget and pay off our credit cards every week. This arrangement works well for us. We are both financially responsible though. I think my wife prefers the joint account because I do the weekly budgeting and it allows her to get a clear view of her own expenses with charts. It also prevents all conversation of the sort, “who is paying for this,” that I’ve seen some of our friends get into. I don’t really care if my wife spends more than I do. I don’t think she cares if I spend more than her. What we care for is that we can get a clear overview of everything to understand how our team is doing.

hashmush 3y ago
Our situation is the same. I think it works well because we are both quite restrictive by nature, so whenever one of us wants to buy something the other often encourages them. Not sure how it would work with a couple that tends to spend more each month or a situation where one has an expensive hobby and the other doesn't.

raspyberr 3y ago

From reading some comments I'm surprised joint account doesn't just mean money for rent/mortgage, bills, groceries, repairs, house stuff. Share the money that's meant to be shared and don't share the money that isn't. I don't want to spend my partner's money on things that exclusively will be used by me, it just doesn't make sense.

em-bee 3y ago
in marriage all money is to be shared. you can give yourselves an allowance, but the money you earn is just as much your partners, as the money your partner earns is yours.

seoulbigchris 3y ago

In South Korea where I live, joint accounts are illegal. You can share cards and PIN numbers with your spouse, and that practice is at least informally accepted. But it’s not a true joint account and doesn’t have the benefit of survivorship.

vsskanth 3y ago
Does the no survivorship benefit also apply to retirement and investment accounts ? What happens to the money when someone passes away then ?
- seoulbigchris 3y ago
  The money / property passes through normal probate process. It’s not automatic like would be in a joint account.
em-bee 3y ago
you can have a bank account only in one persons name, but that doesn't mean you can't treat the account as a joint account.
- seoulbigchris 3y ago
  Practically speaking, yes. I am not sure it’s completely legal. For example, my wife made such an account in her name and the reason she said was for our savings. A week later the bank shut down the account be side they said an account can’t be shared. It that’s just one anecdotal story.

svilen_dobrev 3y ago

expressing love .. with money? mmh. or trust over those? maybe that's closer..