21 ms·

The End of Love

• AbrahamParangi 4y ago
  Metacommentary but I would bet, dollars to doughnuts, that almost all of the commenters talking about how the author's life is her own fault are men.
• dreadlordbone 4y ago
  This feels kind of like the paradox of choice. Too many options and FOMO that you won't secure the absolute best perfect match. I wasn't sure on my wedding day that I truly loved and wanted to be with the person I was marrying, but 15 years and 3 kids later I couldn't imagine being with anyone else or loving anyone more. Maybe not having to stick it out and make it work is causing some sort of paralysis?
• reidjs 4y ago
  This reminds me of the Mad Men quote, along the lines of “Love is invented by advertisers to sell stockings to women.” Sounds like she is given so many options she will never be happy with anyone, so she rejects everyone for minutiae.
  • AbrahamParangi 4y ago
    I think it is not the author's fault that the world is, in some ways - to some people - at some times, a meatgrinder. I have tremendous sympathy for her. It is often the case in the modern world that we are promised one thing by society and receive something quite different.
    • HKH2 4y ago
      Promised by whom?
      • phkahler 4y ago
        I think they promised themselves and want to blame society.
        • seiferteric 4y ago
          too many sappy "romantic" movies they believe reflect real life. Is it really different than hearing fake news or conspiracy theories and believing them? Some people lack good filters to discern good information from bad. The idea of rejecting someone over going to Starbucks is unbelievable to me. If you are that passionate about "good" coffee and they clearly like coffee also, why not try introducing them to something new? Maybe on a date? You may expand their horizon. Does she believe people "grow up" and stop growing after that? Relationships should be about growing together.
    • spadros 4y ago
      I disagree. She seems entitled and vain. I’m sure many of those 100+ men would have been great matches if she would have only put the effort in, been more tolerant and less judgemental.
• honkler 4y ago
  [flagged]
  • realjhol 4y ago
    I heard it suggested that we honklers should take a more conciliatory approach. They fear the chuds, but in fact we have good things to offer. We can help make things better. Just listen
    • HKH2 4y ago
      Always willing to pay, hey?
    • honkler 4y ago
      time for arguments is over.
  • HKH2 4y ago
    What solution do you have in mind?
  • jackothy 4y ago
    Well, you could have started a legitimate conversation here about commitment or gender roles or whatever it is "blackpilled" means. With a genuinely diplomatic attitude and some nuance in your presentation you can broach most topics on here without getting too many downvotes.
    • honkler 4y ago
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• AlbertCory 4y ago
  > when I talk about how I’ve been on dates with so many people in Los Angeles that I see them everywhere now—I even saw one guy I’d dated at a funeral. +1. I was called for jury duty, and the judge was a lady I'd met at a singles event. I approached the bench and said, "I've met you socially, Your Honor." She said, "I thought you looked familiar." That's not grounds for being dismissed from the case, if you're wondering.
• deleted 4y ago
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• trekkie1024 4y ago
  I can sympathize with the author's experiences, though I find things like One recent man had a lot going for him. In fact he was the most promising prospect I’d had in some time. But then he mentioned that he got his daily coffee from Starbucks, and I found it hard to imagine dating someone who liked Starbucks coffee; or even if they liked the coffee, didn’t find Starbucks so odious and soul-diminishingly ubiquitous they would never go there. to be a bit much :D
  • bitwize 4y ago
    Sounds like a Seinfeld plot for one of Jerry's relationships. Bet this lady also goes "Sorry, I just don't see it working out. Not with your green bubbles."
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  • georgeecollins 4y ago
    I think that is the problem with modern dating. There is too much information and too many choices available so that it is easy to reject someone for something that is obviously trivial. In the olden days you would sometimes fall for someone as you got to know them better, even if they had a few flaws that made them seem imperfect. There is a great Russian movie "Moscow does not believe in tears" where the heroine says she will never date a man with dirty shoes. She meets a man with messy shoes.. (spoiler) eventually they fall in love.
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    • skissane 4y ago
      > I think that is the problem with modern dating. There is too much information and too many choices available so that it is easy to reject someone for something that is obviously trivial. You can go looking for the perfect person and never find them - or you can choose to be with someone and say “I’m flawed and you are flawed but we are going to try our hardest to make it work in spite of our flaws”.
• deleted 4y ago
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• mettamage 4y ago
  > One recent man had a lot going for him. In fact he was the most promising prospect I’d had in some time. But then he mentioned that he got his daily coffee from Starbucks, and I found it hard to imagine dating someone who liked Starbucks coffee; or even if they liked the coffee, didn’t find Starbucks so odious and soul-diminishingly ubiquitous they would never go there. I judged this a stupid reason to stop messaging him, given his other, surely more important qualities, so I continued messaging him. But then he said he mostly watched Marvel movies, and the combination of Starbucks and Marvel was too much, so I stopped messaging him, even though I judged my own judgment in this case to be ridiculously shallow and flimsy. If he hadn’t been American, I might have excused it or interpreted it differently. Or if I had met him in another context, his consumer tastes might have barely figured in my estimation of him. But he was just an overeducated, emotionally available American, with many winsome attributes and poor taste in coffee and movies; I myself didn’t even understand why I lost interest in him, and recognized it was a bug in my programming, rather than anything to do with him. Or perhaps, the obvious ominous thought goes, it wasn’t a bug but an actual feature of the programming—not mine, but the app’s. Clearly she puts in effort by going to dates. But she’s not developing her own psychology enough. She had to fight this tooth and nail and gone on a few more dates with him. Her issue is that she thinks she can predict what a relationship will be like with him and that Marvel and Starbucks would be too bad as an experience. (Edit: not entirely accurate but typing on phone) More gratitude needed, more optimism needed Dating apps aren’t the problem it’s her mindset. Note: I go on dates 1.5 times per week myself, on average. I’m having a blast. I’m no casanova, in most cases it ends in the friendzone. I recently met one person though that might be something more and she lives on another continent. It helps that I am a digital nomad. But yea, lots of effort but not in the right place. IMO dating needs to be strategic for certain people (like the author) and she has no strategy on being grateful and accepting flaws, or so it seems. There was a TED talk once on a woman who hacked online dating for herself. She should do more of that. Dating takes a lot of effort for some (me as well). Roll with it and create something beautiful. In my case I need to have a thick skin in being okay with rejection. In her case, her filters are set too tight (emotionally).
  • spadros 4y ago
    Agreed. Put another way, she’s acting entitled and vain. If she could practice some tolerance, gratitude, empathy, and non-judgement, she might be able to find love. As it is, I read this as an entitled woman expecting the world to come to her.
• m0llusk 4y ago
  People are really complicated.
  • jimbokun 4y ago
    This author doesn’t seem complicated at all, a very basic and common personality type, who always sees “the system” as the problem, never herself.
    • spadros 4y ago
      Vain and narcissistic. Expects perfection from her partners despite being twice divorced and having kids already. Can’t take ownership for her problems and blames the “system”, as you say. No gratitude, tolerance, empathy, or non-judgement.
• Grimburger 4y ago
  > The first date where the guy took a nap. Honestly sounds like a keeper. Imagine being that relaxed that you can just have a little snooze for a bit after meeting someone. If after 100+ first dates you don't like anyone, then perhaps face the reality that it's probably you, not them?
  • HKH2 4y ago
    That's where I thought it was going, but no it is the end of love, not the end of dating or online dating, but the end of love.
• at_a_remove 4y ago
  At the end, she describes what computer scientists call the Fussy Suitor problem, without naming it. Ah, but the Fussy is the problem, mostly. She has a lot of very weird bits. She keeps talking about dating "people" but she only mentions men -- are there women in there or not? She's got some kidding on the square about men's heights in the end. Going to Israel, becoming Jewish, and getting IVF smacks of geographic panic. The Starbucks bit, I just don't know how to respond to that except that she's self-aware enough to know that this is a counterproductive behavior but she just won't try to work herself out of it -- radical self-acceptance means that your flaws get to drive sometimes, too. And then there's the occupation: developing television and film projects about abortion. That's ... really hyperfocused. I'm not sure how many stories about abortion I'd want to tell and shepherd through the process of becoming visual media for a larger audience. No doubt, dating is hard. But here we have someone who is literally making it harder than it must be, squandering her chances, full "Hazy Shade of Winter" style ("See what's become of me / While I looked around for my possibilities"). It's self-indulgent self-torment, and it makes Sartre look like he threw in two people too many into the famous play. It's certainly the end of love for her. Whew.
• SoftTalker 4y ago
  > I have been on first dates with 107 people in the past five years, without securing a long-term love relationship with anyone Time to take a good look in the mirror, honey.
  • lotsoweiners 4y ago
    Fuckin A you are not wrong. If I went on 10 dates and couldn’t find someone I would be looking inward.
  • alar44 4y ago
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  • wk_end 4y ago
    This essay is an exhausting example of someone spending far far too long looking in the mirror, though.
  • spadros 4y ago
    This. She seems entitled and vain. Or only is attracted to vain narcissists herself. Either way, it’s a her problem.
  • sneak 4y ago
    I mean, it could also be that she is just fantastically bad at prescreening. It's easy to find a hundred garbage single people - that's why they're single, remember?
    • Johanx64 4y ago
      Her case is really clear cut, dry and simple. Aging single mother of 3, yet with very high expectations that don't match her fading looks, nor personality. The vast amount of choices and nearly unlimited supply that hookup apps have on offer messes with her head This is a common recurring theme with single aging middle aged woman with kids types.
      • Omshinwa 4y ago
• 0xbadcafebee 4y ago
  The first two paragraphs are full of red flags and it just gets worse as the article goes on.
  • FooBarBizBazz 4y ago
    She's had more therapists than I've had partners.
• sublinear 4y ago
  I probably don't know what I'm talking about, but this sounds like schizoid personality disorder.
  • skissane 4y ago
    No. A person with schizoid personality disorder doesn’t go on 100+ first dates. People with schizoid personality disorder avoid social interaction, so they are much more likely to go on 0 first dates than 100+
    • majikaja 4y ago
      Histrionic disorder?
      • skissane 4y ago
        Just because a person makes what others may see as bad life choices, doesn't necessarily follow that they meet the criteria for a psychiatric diagnosis, or ought to be diagnosed with one.
• recursivedoubts 4y ago
  If you go on one date and it doesn't work out, OK, maybe it's the other person... If you go on one hundred and seven dates and it doesn't work out...
• deleted 4y ago
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• xyzelement 4y ago
  I read a bunch of the article but gave up so maybe there's a novel twist at the end that I missed out ln. But... This author is overcomplicating what is a very straight forward thing. I am 41, my wife is 36 - we are at the age where all our friends had either figured it out (got married, had kids) or it's very clearly not going to happen. In every case where "it's not going to happen" despite the person saying they want a relationship - it is very clearly related to the person themself, usually a diagnosed or undiagnosed mental health issue that lead to unproductive/self sabotaging behavior. This article claims problems dating stem from capitalism, oddly shaped expectations, etc - but I don't know if that's it (unless those are the things that have made people act crazy and self sabotage) In one of the early paragraphs, she describes a series of insane date experiences. Among my friends, some have this kind of experience always and some have it never, and it's something about them that seeks out and allows this experiences, just one aspect of self sabotage. It's not that everyone has this experience. My wife has never had a truly horrible date despite being single in NYC for many years, neither have I not many of our now married friends. I think usually there are red flags very early on and it takes a certain person to ignore them and get into that situation. I don't have an answer, except that I am pretty sure I wouldn't have the family I have if I hadn't spent a few years in therapy and I recommend that to everyone. If your relationship life isn't what you want, it's not "capitalism" it's you.
• progmetaldev 4y ago
  It really sounds like she puts too much into dating profiles, instead of actually getting to know someone. She also sounds extremely picky and can't make up her mind about what she actually wants. Perhaps she needs to sit down and think about what she really wants out of dating, and also realize that just two dates is really not enough time to get to know someone.
• baggy_trough 4y ago
  She should use Optimal Choice. Estimate the number of partners you can date, then date log(N) of them, then marry the next one that's better than any of the previous.
  • gjm11 4y ago
    <pedant>Not log N, but N/e.</pedant> More seriously, that's the optimal solution if your goal is to maximize the probability that you end up with the single best person in the pool. I don't think that's a good match for most people's objectives when dating. (If instead each prospective partner has a score chosen uniformly randomly between 0 and 1, and you want to maximize your average partner-score, then you should use a similar strategy but with about sqrt(N) dates before taking the next that's better, instead of N/e. That's still not super-realistic but it's probably more realistic.)
• gverrilla 4y ago
  Go to South America, or Africa. America and Europe are great about building things and organizing society, but when it comes to enjoying life there's a lot to learn from the South, actually. Good luck :)
  • HKH2 4y ago
    How easy is it for a woman to accept a partner that makes less money than them?
    • gverrilla 4y ago
      Accepting a partner is not a single-point decision, but a process. You have to know each other, build trust, build joy, etc. I don't think that's the main driver for most women. Smart people will care about who you are, not what you have. Good luck
      • HKH2 4y ago
        > I don't think that's the main driver for most women. I never asked if it was the only factor. > Smart people will care about who you are, not what you have. Smart people don't talk themselves into believing things and then resent them later. > Good luck Don't need it.
• fwlr 4y ago
  The last paragraph: “How many [men] over six feet tall with graduate degrees who don’t smoke and drink only socially or not at all and either already have kids or don’t want kids and live within fifty miles of you who aren’t polyamorous and designate themselves as active, with liberal politics and no bathroom selfies or rote clichéd philosophizing? I thought I might stop at ninety-nine, or one hundred.” gives you a good feeling of a constant theme throughout the entire article. Every few paragraphs the author discusses another disqualifying feature she uses to winnow the field of potential mates - no car selfies, no bathroom selfies, no mentioning sarcasm, no “partners in crime”, etc. The simple analysis is she’s being too picky, but the simple analysis is too easy; this is a intelligent woman who tries very hard to introspect and self-reflect and pours an enormous amount of effort into trying to find love, and in my opinion that effort earns her a right to a correspondingly more effortful analysis. She feels distrust towards dating apps, seeing them as “casinos“; she feels a sense that this breakdown of the dating market is being blamed on women somehow; she feels this is unfair. All valid feelings, and when we put them together we get the start of a much more interesting analysis. She says she has been on a hundred dates. (I would absolutely love for her to give a ballpark figure of how many profiles she has viewed - I suspect high five figures with a fat, fat tail out to high six, but for the purposes of this analysis I will use a conservative estimate of 10,000.) She specifies in about two thirds of her dates, her filters were telling her no but she went anyway out of a fear that her filters were somehow wrong, and then her filters were confirmed later on. The Starbucks example quoted by other commenters is illustrative: she rejects on the basis that she can’t like a man who likes Starbucks, but then rejects her own rejection and tries anyway, but then discovers he also likes Marvel movies and her initial rejection is re-confirmed: “But then he mentioned he got his daily coffee from Starbucks… but then he mentioned mostly watching Marvel movies…”. “But then he mentioned”. 10,000 profiles viewed, 100 dates, ~0 long term relationships. No car selfies. Dating apps are casinos. Let’s put it all together: Dating apps present a stunning over-abundance of choice, which forces women to construct a veritable armory of cheap and hard filters just to even begin to start considering individuals. But dating is an incomplete information game where there’s an initial dump of information on a profile, and then more is revealed over time in conversation and on dates. Any set of filters that can practically reduce the initial superabundance to a manageable amount based on the initial info dump will likewise reduce the manageable amount to ~0 when more information is revealed. And so after the first date, she must return to the dating app. Is this what’s going on? We might think to examine womens’ psyches for evidence to support our conclusion, but that would be very rude and also we suck at doing that. Instead, we might examine dating apps to see if they use superabundance and low initial information. Well, Tinder exemplifies this pattern - it absolutely inundates you with superficial profiles and demands an immediate, often split-second “no / maybe” decision (your filters have to be incredibly cheap to compute under those constraints). Is Tinder more successful than other dating apps? Yes - in fact it’s more successful than all other dating apps put together. We might be on to something here. tl;dr Dating apps are designed to hack womens’ psychology and make them super-picky, because pickiness sets them up to fail the rest of the relationship and this makes them a returning customer.
• jacobmartinez3d 4y ago
  If you are not compatible with hookup “free love” culture neither am I and I totally understand where women like this are coming from. I found my perfect match on a dating site, who just happened to be brought up in/from a province in the Philippines. She is beautiful like a sunset and has the values that are so fleeting and forgotten in our hookup culture. She is exactly what I am compatible with - the embodiment of the values I claim to be important to me - which I must say are very similar if not the same as the author of that blog. And you know whats crazy.. There are men here too! Crazy thought right? And I mean great men who have the values so many western women claim to be looking for. I’m curious If the idea of dating a good man from a 3rd world country ever crosses the minds of these “struggling” women who have the same means I do?
• ravenstine 4y ago
  The author is their own worst enemy, and their article makes it abundantly clear. Hopefully, someday, they will reread what they wrote and see it as the postmortem that it is. On a broader note, maybe dating was never sustainable in the first place. The concept of dating is, for the most part, a 20th century invention. In any earlier time, it would have been considered low-key prostitution. As a man, the expectation that I pay for anything regardless of how well I know the other person or how the date goes always felt kinda dirty. Which is why I stopped doing that a long time ago, even before I quit dating all together. Dating can't be untangled from the inertia of technology, and it was inevitable that dating just wouldn't scale well. We're never going back to some hypothetical time where dating actually worked, but I do think there are pathways that can at least lead to better tradeoffs: 1. Far more people should be open to making acquaintances offline and be willing to introduce friends they think would be compatible. 2. We need to drop the pretense that the only places left for men and women to meet each other after college is at bars, and any context outside of that would be harassment. 3. Everyone is unique, but people need to consider whether their idiosyncrasies are ultimately working against them. As far as the United States is concerned, we've gone way too far in the direction of everybody thinking they can get everything their way, yet few actually do. For instance, if you're perpetually single but you're turning down people for liking Starbucks, maybe you should rethink whether you're the fool for not just accepting the coffee others like. 4. Call a spade a spade and just start calling all dating apps "hookup" apps, because that's what they're best suited for. We should reject the idea that there isn't something inherently salacious about apps like Tinder, and that attitude needs to be a part of the culture.
  • wrycoder 4y ago
    Quote: I have been on first dates with 107 people in the past five years, without securing a long-term love relationship with anyone That's a "first date" every two weeks or so.
    • Omshinwa 4y ago
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• cat_plus_plus 4y ago
  There are millions of lonely guys in decent physical, mental and financial shape who would make devoted husbands and fathers and are actively and obviously looking for a mate. I am sure there are millions of women are like that too, but back when I was looking online around two decades ago, I have never met a normal woman who would give a normal guy some patience to see if initial meeting would grow into a friendship and then a relationship. It always has to be immediate butterflies in the stomach and swept off the feet, meaning that a minority of hunks get all the dates, overwhelmingly without any hope of long term future. I finally met my future wife by accident when I was not looking for a match at all.
• motohagiography 4y ago
  > Those seemed like significant numbers. I thought I might stop at one hundred and one, since that seemed definitive. So when I say the house won it’s because I’m still at the table, and my question has changed from, When will I meet someone? to When will I stop? The Secretary Problem [0], or "optimal stopping" problem indicates that given the perception of an infinite field of options, the author will not be able to determine an optimal stopping point. It's not very good news. When our perception of our options outpaces our actual ones, that's going to create a cycle of addicted behaviour. Dating apps are literally slot machines for people, and that is a terrible evolutionary strategy. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem
• mattgreenrocks 4y ago
  Can’t decide what I think about this account. It definitely describes a common trope. But I also can’t shake the feeling that she wants a relationship, but not enough to make sacrifices/change for. Which is fine, but it is a high, high barrier to starting a new relationship.
• spadros 4y ago
  Articles like this make me incredibly depressed. It seems common place now to see blog posts written by women saying “woe is me, I’ve dated a crapton of men and get so much attention, but I can’t find the one”. If women become this entitled and vain from online dating, the dating pool is only going to stagnate more. If the author could practice some tolerance, empathy, gratitude, and non-judgement, I’m sure many of those 100+ men could have been great partners. As it is, I have no sympathy for her. Her stories make me nauseous. What’s even worse is she’s been twice divorced and already has kids, but expects a perfect man in return. It’s hard to have empathy when she’s rejecting people based on Marvel movies and Starbucks.
  • 8f2ab37a-ed6c 4y ago
    The whole time I was reading the article I was thinking of the hundreds of thousands of men on these apps who are not 6ft and above, who don't have PhDs, who do not drink 3rd wave coffee and are lucky to maybe get a couple of matches on the apps in a month. This woman is suffocating in choice, while the armies of men who are not good enough for her would be happy to get 1/100th of the activity she's seeing. We really do live on different planets.
    • spadros 4y ago
      Yes me too. I’d guess that the average man on OLD sees more rejection in a month than the average woman will in her lifetime. It’s a tough dating world for the average straight man. It makes me sick to my stomach. Maybe a potential remedy is for straight men to move back to predominantly hitting on people in real life in the hopes of finding a woman not on OLD. OLD is only making the straight women on their platforms more repugnant, and really doesn’t provide high quality or quantity for the average man.
      • bombolo 4y ago
        When I used to be single I used both online dating and hitting on women. It was so much easier in person because there would be no other person trying to do the same. Online I was competing with thousands of people.
• msoad 4y ago
  I went on over 100 dates using online dating apps. Eventually, I found a partner in the "real world." The problem was that going on yet another date was too easy for me. With my current partner, it took a long time to build up trust and attraction. At first, it wasn't even romantic. Maybe for her too, online dating is too fast to build a real connection. The first time you see the other person, you feel pressured to know if you are attracted to them or not. Don't even get me started on evaluating an online dating profile. She talked about how drinking Starbucks was a deal breaker for her. My current partner has multiple qualities that would have been deal breakers if I had evaluated them in the online dating context, and yet I am very happy in this relationship.
• voidhorse 4y ago
  The attitude of this writer is precisely why so many people struggle to find meaningful relationships. The internet tricks them into living in some fantasy world in which perfection is not only possible, but accessible. To connect with someone is not to open oneself to the surprising richness of life and experience and to stumble into a fulfilling partnership in which you, crucially, grow but rather a little game with "goals", and "checklists", "non-negotiables". It's scrolling through dossiers and presentations and a constant comparison of the "real deal", which is never up to snuff, with these digital portraits. If people took a second to just reflect on how rigid, robotic, and insufferable they've let themselves become, and instead opted for the natural, childlike openness that we all have inside, before we let ourselves start treating life like some kind of quarterly deliverable, they'd fare much better. A relationship will never form if you refuse to budge. It's as much about being willing to change yourself, grow, and bob down the winding rivers of life without certainty as it is about finding someone that makes the current you happy.
• l33tc0de 4y ago
  The author is most likely narcissistic, she even has her own wikipedia page which is as expected not noteworthy
• 8f2ab37a-ed6c 4y ago
  > I don’t want to meet someone so we can share a life of leisure. I do like going to the movies, I do love experiencing art and music with someone, I do enjoy hiking, I would love to have someone to cook with. But I would rather meet someone because we are running an abortion medication supply chain, or because we are joining an ecocommune in South America, or because we are building something worthwhile, growing something, teaching something, helping some people, or otherwise doing something hard together. Please let’s not play board games, let’s not get comfortable, let’s not talk about opening the relationship so our bourgeois lives can become even more prosaic. Please God don’t let’s try new restaurants. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I get the sense this person doesn't know who she's looking for, but she already knows that most normal humans with a normal existence will never fit her needs, of which she's not fully sure either. > When the other participants turned on their cameras one by one, they were all middle-aged white ladies too. Is this a taste of what's to come from the latest wave of hyper-successful and hyper-educated women outpacing men in everything outside of suicides and incarceration? Their standards can understandably no longer be met by the mating marketplace, they refuse to settle because they know their theoretical worth, and the markets keep not clearing. What an interesting historic time.
• atleta 4y ago
  Ah, this was pretty tiring. Couldn't read the whole thing, but the book she was quoting from was probably the worst part. E.g. this quote is especially upsetting and dumb: > Men have not been compelled to use sexuality as a leverage to receive social and economic resources and thus have no reason to implicate their whole self in sexuality What if these people would care to read a bit of biology (like etology, evolution) and also evolutionary psychology? The claim in the quote is kind of 100% upside down. The reality is something like: "Men have been compelled to use their economic and social resources as a leverage to receive sex and thus have a very strong reason to implicate their whole self in work (or any other way available to acquire these)" Because this is how it works. But even if we disregard the evolutionary dynamic the base claim is false: women aren't compelled to use sexuality to receive social or economic resources in modern Western societies. They can, you know work. And actually most of them do. This was (is) one of the most fundamental goals of feminism. While you could argue that the author simply depicts women as helpless prostitutes. Now it's true that most women/women on average will chose men who are financially and (or?) socially are at least on par with them, preferably having a higher status/salary/earning potential. (And this is has been observed in a wide range of societies according e.g. to David Buss [1].) And that preference is what makes men 'compelled' to compete hard for the economic and social resources. (BTW, this is, I think, at least one of the reasons behind men having higher salaries and roles.) So again, the reality seems to be the exact opposite of what the quote from book says. (And no, I'm not blaming women at all.) [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sndW9hzX-wA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sndW9hzX-wA
• lovemenot 4y ago
  I feel her disclaimers are disingenuous. >> It wasn’t my goal to go on dates with a lot of people, or to carry out some anthropological or sociological study. Perhaps, not a conscious goal, but surely, her behaviour was more than just a little driven by professional motivations, resulting as it did in this essay. She had also written a book on a related topic. I feel sorry for those 107 people who didn't realise the game was rigged.
• Omshinwa 4y ago
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• sunshine-o 4y ago
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