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I second that, I would suggest move to a larger city and get a job and therapist there (looks like the OP is from Germany, which I would personally prefer to US
by js8 4y ago
I second that, I would suggest move to a larger city and get a job and therapist there (looks like the OP is from Germany, which I would personally prefer to US).
And regarding to life goals, wife and kids in particular, although I have decided not to have a family, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I think there are many single mothers out there who would appreciate a stable and solid partner with 2nd income.
- rjzzleep 4y agoOne thing to note is that while Germany is much better if you need social services, it's much easier to move between classes in the US. It's very hard to move up in German society without the right social circles which are also much more exclusive than in the US or London. That said, while therapy is one thing(and very hard to find someone that actually helps you out of your misery instead of reinforcing it), I'd maybe suggest creating a fixed schedule. Some basic cardio sports at a fixed time and day once a week(if that is too much once every two weeks). Ideally a group practice that gives some social pressure. It's much harder to get out a tough spot when you're alone. Maybe a beginner Capoeira class. No real requirement to socially engage if you don't want to, but warms your heart nonetheless. And maybe one usergroup of some sort once a month. No need to engage with people. Worst case, you just listen to some talks and get free Pizza. One thing that's very important in Germany when getting help is to never EVER say that you have suicidal thoughts. The moment you do that you slide into a bracket out of the social system that you can never get out of on your own. Any doctor or psychologist may now force you to take medication or put you in the asylum whenever they chose.
- bowsamic 4y agoIs therapy better in Germany? I live in Hamburg and the waiting list is more than a year for therapy. I was under the impression that it is somewhat faster in the US When I lived in the UK they wouldn’t offer me even a waiting list
- PaulRobinson 4y agoGo private if you can afford it. NHS therapy in the U.K. is basically impossible to get for most people, but there are many, many good professional therapists charging £40-£60/hour. Once a week or fortnight, it’s worth it.
- bowsamic 4y agoUnfortunately I live in Germany now where private therapists are far more expensive than that. More like 100 to 200 an hour. When I eventually return to the UK I won’t bother with the NHS again
- throwawayhealth 4y agoYou can find therapist from other countries if you are comfortable speaking with them in english through video call. It may not provide the same experience but it might be better than the alternative which is no help. I would check out eastern europe or Asia. They will cost around $15-25/hour.
- theGnuMe 4y agoAsk if they will take a sliding scale, most will. Also if you can provide tech stuff (like a website or what not) see if they will trade in kind services.
- bravura 4y agoAs I posted above, German public insurance is required to cover therapy if your GP prescribes it. So you can get private therapy covered if public therapists are too busy to take you. The process is roughly like this: * GP prescribes therapy. * You call seven public therapists who are busy and note their information and when you called. There's a specific form for this. * You find a private therapist that satisfies certain conditions (e.g. degree granted in Germany) that is a good fit for you, and your public insurance is obligated to pay for your care. Here's a long guide on it: https://www.bptk.de/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/2019-09_bptk_patientenbroschuere_englisch_web.pdf https://www.bptk.de/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/2019-09_bptk_...
- starkd 4y ago>>One thing that's very important in Germany when getting help is to never EVER say that you have suicidal thoughts. The moment you do that you slide into a bracket out of the social system that you can never get out of on your own. Any doctor or psychologist may now force you to take medication or put you in the asylum whenever they chose. That is terrifying. Those medications are mediocre in the long-term. If you have a problem with a side-effect and they deem it trivial, you may be forced to take a medicine for life. Some of the alternative approaches to medicine are proving far superior for moderate level depressions (which can still be suicidal ideation).
- dark-star 4y agoIt's as terrifying as it is wrong. Nobody ever forces you to take meds or being put into an "asylum". ESPECIALLY in Germany. I have no idea where this idea comes from but it is not true at all Disclaimer: I have two very close friends and one relative who struggled with suicidal thoughts. None of them were put on meds against their will, or put into an "asylum". There was staionary therapy though, sometimes multiple ones, but not against their will
- sveme 4y agoIt's shocking that people write that kind of misinformation and it is upvoted so highly at the same time. The threshold to be forcibly put into a closed psychiatry ward is enormously high.
- A4ET8a8uTh0 4y agoIn a practical sense, is it not a similar case in US? The moment you are flagged in a hospital system as a suicide risk it follows you.
- formerly_proven 4y agoThat last bit probably applies to most countries, not just Germany. Though keep in mind that’s a judicial process triggered by doctors and enforced by police, most people killed by police are in that “bracket” and nobody gives a flying fuck about it.
- sveme 4y agoSorry, but the last bit is complete and utter bollocks. Never, ever don't mention this. Please delete this dangerous misinformation that might keep people from looking for help in times of need.
- A4ET8a8uTh0 4y agoParent appears to be giving a practical suggestion on how to literally survive in a society. If it is true that it flags you, then why would you qualify it as misinformation? For the record, I have almost no knowledge of how Germany healthcare works in that regard.
- sveme 4y agoThere is no flagging. Who should flag you, and where? I know quite some people that were in these situations, no one experienced any such consequences.
- brailsafe 4y agoRegarding the last point, that's shooting pretty low imo. Definitely a range of women out there between 25-35 who might be a catch, you just don't want to be desperate first.
- soheil 4y agoI mean I don't know why people keep saying it's too late to have kids if you're 43. You could have a 20 year old by age 65, which is the time you could retire and have them move out after they get a job.
- renewedrebecca 4y agoNot sure why you've been downvoted. This is absolutely true. I would however be careful equating having kids to being successful in life. At best, they can be a joy to have. At worst, they can be little sources of chaos and stress that you can pass your own worst traits to.
- ieisbeieieb 4y agoI had my child at 45. I recommend earlier if you can but in my case it’s been amazing.