5 ms·

Moving in Together Doesn’t Match the Financial Benefits of Marriage, but Why?

32 points by jbredeche 4y ago

akomtu 4y ago
"Married people have higher net worths and are more likely to be homeowners" - homesless men are more likely to live in a tent, so the first step to get out of poverty is to stop living in a tent.
- DontchaKnowit 4y ago
  I don't get what you're saying here. Of course married individuals are more likely to be homeowners because they are far more likely to be dual income.
  - lifeplusplus 4y ago
    Or they are married because they were rich enough to get married
- snapcaster 4y ago
  This general reasoning error (or purposeful trick? always hard to tell) is in almost every single news article I come across. Almost every car accident happens close to home between sober drivers, so I always make sure to be far from home and very drunk when I drive
  - chii 4y ago
    And the chance of finding two bombs on the same plane is next to zero. Therefore, I always carry a bomb on the plane when i board!
blacksmith_tb 4y ago
https://archive.ph/VFp4P https://archive.ph/VFp4P Only passing mention of filing taxes jointly (which isn't always a plus, but certainly can be), joint accounts and greater ease of getting a mortgage, etc. Clearly there are already economies of scale from living with roommates, but it doesn't seem too shocking that being married gives a lot of people a leg up. The better question to ask would be "does it continue to be in the interest of society to incentivize marriage by offering these benefits" - which may or may not be true.
odysseus 4y ago
Some of the answers from the article: > “Married people may be much more likely to have these conversations around what goals they have for their financial future,” she said. “There seems to be something very special and unique about deciding to share finances.” > Unmarried couples may be less willing to commingle their money, said Prof. Garbinsky. The number one cause of divorce in America is money fights and money problems ( per https://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/jul13/predictingdivorce71113.html https://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/jul13/predictingd... ) Couples who pool their finances increase relationship satisfaction - especially in low income families - per https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-42962-001 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-42962-001 Combining accounts is something my wife and I decided to do right away when we got married. It's way less complicated than the alternative. We don't have fights about money. We talk about big purchases before we make them. Since she's more of a free spirit to my money nerd, sometimes I have a little trouble bringing her to family budget reviews, but eventually she finds some time to talk. Reviewing our budget/financial health gives us an opportunity to talk about our future financial plans, what we want to be able to afford, our hopes and dreams. And we never have to think about who's going to pay for what out of what account. The money earned in the family isn't "her money" and "my money", it's our money.
- brailsafe 4y ago
  Wouldn't your lack of bad conflict regarding money be less about the fact that you combined finances, and more about you yielding to the conflict and accepting its presence in a different way? Based on your choice of words, it seems like budgeting is a option rather than critical, so if that's the case, how would you approach things if both of you needed to have the same relationship with spending? It would seem to me like combining finances would only lead to less actual conflict (good or bad) if you've both already synchronized your relationship to the money coming in, rather than a solution in itself.
  - odysseus 4y ago
    > Wouldn't your lack of bad conflict regarding money be less about the fact that you combined finances, and more about you yielding to the conflict and accepting its presence in a different way? A simpler way to put it is we communicate with each other our plans for the use of our money, especially when it concerns larger amounts. And it's easier to think of it being "our money" when it's pooled in shared accounts. > Based on your choice of words, it seems like budgeting is a option rather than critical, so if that's the case, how would you approach things if both of you needed to have the same relationship with spending? What do you mean by "needed to have the same relationship with spending"? Whether we budget or not depends on our financial circumstances. In leaner times, budgets become critical. Most of all, it's a monthly opportunity to talk about the family's financial health and spending/saving/giving priorities. If somebody is spending too much or conversely, being too thrifty, we talk about it. > It would seem to me like combining finances would only lead to less actual conflict (good or bad) if you've both already synchronized your relationship to the money coming in, rather than a solution in itself. I don't fully understand what you mean by "synchronizing your relationship to the money coming in". If it's a fancy way of saying "we talk about the money we earn and how we spend/save/give it", then yes, we do. I agree that pooling finances is not the whole solution. The main solution/bad conflict preventer is thoughtful communication and trust. To use a git/coding analogy, studies have shown the act of combining finances is a small (but important) commit on the trunk of your overall commitment to each other in marriage.
ramesh31 4y ago
It's simple self selection, showing the class divide in the US. Marriage is an intentional act. Cohabitation is, more often than not, out of necessity.
- refurb 4y ago
  Not sure why you’re downvoted. Causation can always be argued, but I think correlation between education level, income level and propensity to marry (and stay married) is pretty high.
skymer 4y ago
It could be that married couples get large financial gifts/boosts from their parents more often than unmarried couples. If this is the case, then the involvement of the parents in the marriage ceremony may be a major factor in this outcome.
- 1123581321 4y ago
  I wish! Though, there might actually be a correlation here, since parental stability, income levels and education affect marriage/divorce rates, and parents with their act together would have more money to give, and more of a chance of a meaningful estate to bequeath.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
BXLE_1-1-BitIs1 4y ago
Divorce doesn't seem to be discussed (caveat paywalled). That's a big hit to net worth what with legal fees and maintaining two households.
treeman79 4y ago
Could be value system. Traditional people get married before moving in. That already proves a huge ability to wait for rewards. Same people are Probably more likely to plan for financial success then people drawn to instant gratification.
pyuser583 4y ago
Marriages have an expectation of permanence. This allows for long range planning. On flip side. Divorce is really, really expensive for exactly the same reason. You’re breaking apart an organization that assumed it would never be broken apart. Lots of people described Brexit as a divorce for this reason.
renewiltord 4y ago
Less access to the one true leveraged instrument: home ownership.
askiiart 4y ago
[archive.ph/VFp4P](https://archive.ph/VFp4P https://archive.ph/VFp4P)
WeylandYutani 4y ago
Because American law was written by a deeply conservative Christian society and never updated. My own country spent the last 40 years liberalising the shit out of tax laws.
- snapcaster 4y ago
  Which country? what did they do and what was the impact?
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
culopatin 4y ago
My gf and I share finances this way: I gave her a credit card out of one of my accounts, the one with the best cash back. We use that anytime we are together. Restaurants, groceries, dog, flights, hotels, etc. the cash back goes back into the account. For everything else, we use our own cards and if there are any balance differences, like when I pay rent from my account, she just pays more on the CC than I do. This way we avoid sending money back and forth and we can track everything in one place. There is no burden when buying something knowing it’s fair for both without having to keep track of it later and ask for money from the other, etc.
PeterStuer 4y ago
Woman more likely to hard commit to wealthy catches would be my guess.

32 points by jbredeche 4y ago

"Married people have higher net worths and are more likely to be homeowners" - homesless men are more likely to live in a tent, so the first step to get out of poverty is to stop living in a tent.

DontchaKnowit 4y ago
I don't get what you're saying here. Of course married individuals are more likely to be homeowners because they are far more likely to be dual income.
- lifeplusplus 4y ago
  Or they are married because they were rich enough to get married
snapcaster 4y ago
This general reasoning error (or purposeful trick? always hard to tell) is in almost every single news article I come across. Almost every car accident happens close to home between sober drivers, so I always make sure to be far from home and very drunk when I drive
- chii 4y ago
  And the chance of finding two bombs on the same plane is next to zero. Therefore, I always carry a bomb on the plane when i board!

blacksmith_tb 4y ago

https://archive.ph/VFp4P https://archive.ph/VFp4P Only passing mention of filing taxes jointly (which isn't always a plus, but certainly can be), joint accounts and greater ease of getting a mortgage, etc. Clearly there are already economies of scale from living with roommates, but it doesn't seem too shocking that being married gives a lot of people a leg up. The better question to ask would be "does it continue to be in the interest of society to incentivize marriage by offering these benefits" - which may or may not be true.

odysseus 4y ago

Some of the answers from the article: > “Married people may be much more likely to have these conversations around what goals they have for their financial future,” she said. “There seems to be something very special and unique about deciding to share finances.” > Unmarried couples may be less willing to commingle their money, said Prof. Garbinsky. The number one cause of divorce in America is money fights and money problems ( per https://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/jul13/predictingdivorce71113.html https://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/jul13/predictingd... ) Couples who pool their finances increase relationship satisfaction - especially in low income families - per https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-42962-001 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-42962-001 Combining accounts is something my wife and I decided to do right away when we got married. It's way less complicated than the alternative. We don't have fights about money. We talk about big purchases before we make them. Since she's more of a free spirit to my money nerd, sometimes I have a little trouble bringing her to family budget reviews, but eventually she finds some time to talk. Reviewing our budget/financial health gives us an opportunity to talk about our future financial plans, what we want to be able to afford, our hopes and dreams. And we never have to think about who's going to pay for what out of what account. The money earned in the family isn't "her money" and "my money", it's our money.

brailsafe 4y ago
Wouldn't your lack of bad conflict regarding money be less about the fact that you combined finances, and more about you yielding to the conflict and accepting its presence in a different way? Based on your choice of words, it seems like budgeting is a option rather than critical, so if that's the case, how would you approach things if both of you needed to have the same relationship with spending? It would seem to me like combining finances would only lead to less actual conflict (good or bad) if you've both already synchronized your relationship to the money coming in, rather than a solution in itself.
- odysseus 4y ago
  > Wouldn't your lack of bad conflict regarding money be less about the fact that you combined finances, and more about you yielding to the conflict and accepting its presence in a different way? A simpler way to put it is we communicate with each other our plans for the use of our money, especially when it concerns larger amounts. And it's easier to think of it being "our money" when it's pooled in shared accounts. > Based on your choice of words, it seems like budgeting is a option rather than critical, so if that's the case, how would you approach things if both of you needed to have the same relationship with spending? What do you mean by "needed to have the same relationship with spending"? Whether we budget or not depends on our financial circumstances. In leaner times, budgets become critical. Most of all, it's a monthly opportunity to talk about the family's financial health and spending/saving/giving priorities. If somebody is spending too much or conversely, being too thrifty, we talk about it. > It would seem to me like combining finances would only lead to less actual conflict (good or bad) if you've both already synchronized your relationship to the money coming in, rather than a solution in itself. I don't fully understand what you mean by "synchronizing your relationship to the money coming in". If it's a fancy way of saying "we talk about the money we earn and how we spend/save/give it", then yes, we do. I agree that pooling finances is not the whole solution. The main solution/bad conflict preventer is thoughtful communication and trust. To use a git/coding analogy, studies have shown the act of combining finances is a small (but important) commit on the trunk of your overall commitment to each other in marriage.

ramesh31 4y ago

It's simple self selection, showing the class divide in the US. Marriage is an intentional act. Cohabitation is, more often than not, out of necessity.

refurb 4y ago
Not sure why you’re downvoted. Causation can always be argued, but I think correlation between education level, income level and propensity to marry (and stay married) is pretty high.

skymer 4y ago

It could be that married couples get large financial gifts/boosts from their parents more often than unmarried couples. If this is the case, then the involvement of the parents in the marriage ceremony may be a major factor in this outcome.

1123581321 4y ago
I wish! Though, there might actually be a correlation here, since parental stability, income levels and education affect marriage/divorce rates, and parents with their act together would have more money to give, and more of a chance of a meaningful estate to bequeath.

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

BXLE_1-1-BitIs1 4y ago

Divorce doesn't seem to be discussed (caveat paywalled). That's a big hit to net worth what with legal fees and maintaining two households.

treeman79 4y ago

Could be value system. Traditional people get married before moving in. That already proves a huge ability to wait for rewards. Same people are Probably more likely to plan for financial success then people drawn to instant gratification.

pyuser583 4y ago

Marriages have an expectation of permanence. This allows for long range planning. On flip side. Divorce is really, really expensive for exactly the same reason. You’re breaking apart an organization that assumed it would never be broken apart. Lots of people described Brexit as a divorce for this reason.

renewiltord 4y ago

Less access to the one true leveraged instrument: home ownership.

askiiart 4y ago

[archive.ph/VFp4P](https://archive.ph/VFp4P https://archive.ph/VFp4P)

WeylandYutani 4y ago

Because American law was written by a deeply conservative Christian society and never updated. My own country spent the last 40 years liberalising the shit out of tax laws.

snapcaster 4y ago
Which country? what did they do and what was the impact?

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

culopatin 4y ago

My gf and I share finances this way: I gave her a credit card out of one of my accounts, the one with the best cash back. We use that anytime we are together. Restaurants, groceries, dog, flights, hotels, etc. the cash back goes back into the account. For everything else, we use our own cards and if there are any balance differences, like when I pay rent from my account, she just pays more on the CC than I do. This way we avoid sending money back and forth and we can track everything in one place. There is no burden when buying something knowing it’s fair for both without having to keep track of it later and ask for money from the other, etc.

PeterStuer 4y ago

Woman more likely to hard commit to wealthy catches would be my guess.