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This has a lot of good insight, but I was struck by how differently I experience > “What’s up?” is one of the most dreadful texts to get; it’s short for “Hello

This has a lot of good insight, but I was struck by how differently I experience > “What’s up?” is one of the most dreadful texts to get; it’s short for “Hello, I’d like you to entertain me now.” The typical response to "What's up?" from myself and, uh, nearly everyone I know, is some variation on "Not much! What's up with you?" or "[trivial recent happening, quickly related] So, what's been going on with you?" ...and that's because "What's up?" is nearly universally a way to prompt someone to ask you that question back, so you can tell them about the thing you really want to say without it seeming sudden or forced.

notRobot 4y ago
When I was younger and more pretentious I used to get annoyed at friends for answering "what's up?" with "nothing much" because in my head by asking that I was obviously fishing for conversation material so you should just bring up something that we can talk about. Something that happened recently or something that you heard about or something you remembered or something you are looking forward to, just... anything.
- guelo 4y ago
  Well why are you putting it on them to come up with something to talk about? "Not much, sup with you?" puts it back on you.
  - notRobot 4y ago
    I used to only ask "what's up?" after I'd exhausted everything I had to talk about usually. I used to think a lot about dynamics like these lmao.
- kebman 4y ago
  What's up? I'm playing with LEGO®. I'm eating sushi. You? I'm in spaaaaaaceeeee but I'm separated from my module!!! Halp!
- noman-land 4y ago
  It seems some people might be more comfortable sitting in silence and so they don't feel the need to talk about _anything_ as a way to break it. Maybe it's an introvert/extrovert thing.
- swayvil 4y ago
  I used to be that way too. Now I see that there are depths there that I didn't see. I was blind to my blindness. I try to keep my cool now. Reply with something soft and cool.
aesthesia 4y ago
This reminds me of the “no hello” proposal for workplace chat messages (e.g. https://nohello.net/ https://nohello.net/). It’s much less of a big deal for personal communication, but I can understand wanting someone to just say what they want to say without a manual SYN/ACK first.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- spoonjim 4y ago
  - civilized 4y ago
    Regrettably, calling people "autist" demolishes one's credibility to represent the way normal people talk.
- throwaway290 4y ago
  It's a feeler (IMO way more descriptive than "doorknob") that lets you bail if you don't want to talk. Without it you may feel obligated to listen or have to be slightly rude. With it you have a range of options like "swamped on this project, catch up with you later" or such depending on circumstances to avoid straining a relationship. In async communication it's unnecessary though, people might do it by inertia.
  - mike_hock 4y ago
    Hey, you wouldn't believe who I just met in the elev TCP RST
- BrandoElFollito 4y ago
  I like the "hello" before someone engages in a chat because this way I can confirm that i) I am available to talk and ii) the message is safe (i.e. I am not displaying in front of 200 people and forgot to switch off IM). If someone just wants to send me an information, email is great for that. My personal order of contacts is snail mail → email → IM → phone → in person. Each of the steps is one order of magnitude of urgency greater than the previous one. There is probably also a cultural component.
alimov 4y ago
I mostly agree, and think that In addiction to what you said “what’s up” is basically like pinging someone to see if they are available so that some additional reason planning can occur
deleted 4y ago
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swatcoder 4y ago
> prompt someone to ask you that question back Huh. I’m glad this is not a thing in my circles. Being direct and exposing some vulnerability seems to work great for us. I known its just a custom that can’t be analyzed too deeply, but what you describe sounds so timid and shy from the outside. Rightly or wrongly (probably wrongly), if I picked up that someone was doing this, I’d assume they need a lot of special handling and ceremony to feel comfortable. It would take a lot for me to want to bother.
deleted 4y ago
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swayvil 4y ago
"WHAT'S UP!?". The pre-emptive assault. The demand. Like he's swinging a club at you. The only reply is to raise your shield. Or you could do something clever. But either way your attention has been lassoed. Gotta be cleverer.
- randallsquared 4y ago
  "What's up?" is the knock. They could lead with whatever they really want to ask you or push at you, whether it's telling you about their vacation to Ireland or asking you if they can hold a thousand this month, but instead they've given you the opportunity to not respond, or to say "Hey, really busy; talk later?" :)
naavis 4y ago
> "What's up?" is nearly universally a way to prompt someone to ask you that question back, so you can tell them about the thing you really want to say without it seeming sudden or forced. Maybe in the United States, but I would hardly call it universal.
- Aeolun 4y ago
  Like saying “How are you doing?” in Europe is an invitation to tell your life story.
quickthrower2 4y ago
Whats up? Your down. (I am in Australia)
mdorazio 4y ago
I think the author was referring to this in the context of improv, not normal conversation. It's bad to do in improv because it contributes nothing to the sketch - it's lazy and puts the entire effort onto the other person. It's much easier to riff off any kind of declarative statement or directed question. For example, "Dude this dog birthday is the weirdest party ever." or "So are you going to forgive my mom for dinner?" gives the other person an immediate context and hook to work with. Keegan-Michael Key explained this very well in a video on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coZARWbdNls https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coZARWbdNls
havblue 4y ago
While I certainly hate the "what's up" question, questions post kids with friends are related to their kids, jobs, relationship issues and pop culture video games questions. Honestly, I've had a hard time turning these into interesting discussions. It amounts to, "no time to really reflect. Here are my mundane joys and traumas. Okay, back to the pressing issues at hand..."
7952 4y ago
Its a greeting that confirms a certain level of intamacy. You don't have to answer with anything more than the same question. Like a modern "how do you do".
xtiansimon 4y ago
> “… so you can tell them about the thing you really want to say without it seeming sudden or forced.” Yes. And I find myself using this pattern when I want to talk (heck, I started the conversation, so I have something in my mind), but I’m not sure if it’s a convenient time. If my asking “What’s up” unlocks a conversation, then maybe it’s not a good time to talk about what I was thinking.

notRobot 4y ago

When I was younger and more pretentious I used to get annoyed at friends for answering "what's up?" with "nothing much" because in my head by asking that I was obviously fishing for conversation material so you should just bring up something that we can talk about. Something that happened recently or something that you heard about or something you remembered or something you are looking forward to, just... anything.

guelo 4y ago
Well why are you putting it on them to come up with something to talk about? "Not much, sup with you?" puts it back on you.
- notRobot 4y ago
  I used to only ask "what's up?" after I'd exhausted everything I had to talk about usually. I used to think a lot about dynamics like these lmao.
kebman 4y ago
What's up? I'm playing with LEGO®. I'm eating sushi. You? I'm in spaaaaaaceeeee but I'm separated from my module!!! Halp!
noman-land 4y ago
It seems some people might be more comfortable sitting in silence and so they don't feel the need to talk about _anything_ as a way to break it. Maybe it's an introvert/extrovert thing.
swayvil 4y ago
I used to be that way too. Now I see that there are depths there that I didn't see. I was blind to my blindness. I try to keep my cool now. Reply with something soft and cool.

aesthesia 4y ago

This reminds me of the “no hello” proposal for workplace chat messages (e.g. https://nohello.net/ https://nohello.net/). It’s much less of a big deal for personal communication, but I can understand wanting someone to just say what they want to say without a manual SYN/ACK first.

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
spoonjim 4y ago
- civilized 4y ago
  Regrettably, calling people "autist" demolishes one's credibility to represent the way normal people talk.
throwaway290 4y ago
It's a feeler (IMO way more descriptive than "doorknob") that lets you bail if you don't want to talk. Without it you may feel obligated to listen or have to be slightly rude. With it you have a range of options like "swamped on this project, catch up with you later" or such depending on circumstances to avoid straining a relationship. In async communication it's unnecessary though, people might do it by inertia.
- mike_hock 4y ago
  Hey, you wouldn't believe who I just met in the elev TCP RST
BrandoElFollito 4y ago
I like the "hello" before someone engages in a chat because this way I can confirm that i) I am available to talk and ii) the message is safe (i.e. I am not displaying in front of 200 people and forgot to switch off IM). If someone just wants to send me an information, email is great for that. My personal order of contacts is snail mail → email → IM → phone → in person. Each of the steps is one order of magnitude of urgency greater than the previous one. There is probably also a cultural component.

alimov 4y ago

I mostly agree, and think that In addiction to what you said “what’s up” is basically like pinging someone to see if they are available so that some additional reason planning can occur

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

swatcoder 4y ago

> prompt someone to ask you that question back Huh. I’m glad this is not a thing in my circles. Being direct and exposing some vulnerability seems to work great for us. I known its just a custom that can’t be analyzed too deeply, but what you describe sounds so timid and shy from the outside. Rightly or wrongly (probably wrongly), if I picked up that someone was doing this, I’d assume they need a lot of special handling and ceremony to feel comfortable. It would take a lot for me to want to bother.

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

swayvil 4y ago

"WHAT'S UP!?". The pre-emptive assault. The demand. Like he's swinging a club at you. The only reply is to raise your shield. Or you could do something clever. But either way your attention has been lassoed. Gotta be cleverer.

randallsquared 4y ago
"What's up?" is the knock. They could lead with whatever they really want to ask you or push at you, whether it's telling you about their vacation to Ireland or asking you if they can hold a thousand this month, but instead they've given you the opportunity to not respond, or to say "Hey, really busy; talk later?" :)

naavis 4y ago

> "What's up?" is nearly universally a way to prompt someone to ask you that question back, so you can tell them about the thing you really want to say without it seeming sudden or forced. Maybe in the United States, but I would hardly call it universal.

Aeolun 4y ago
Like saying “How are you doing?” in Europe is an invitation to tell your life story.

quickthrower2 4y ago

Whats up? Your down. (I am in Australia)

mdorazio 4y ago

I think the author was referring to this in the context of improv, not normal conversation. It's bad to do in improv because it contributes nothing to the sketch - it's lazy and puts the entire effort onto the other person. It's much easier to riff off any kind of declarative statement or directed question. For example, "Dude this dog birthday is the weirdest party ever." or "So are you going to forgive my mom for dinner?" gives the other person an immediate context and hook to work with. Keegan-Michael Key explained this very well in a video on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coZARWbdNls https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coZARWbdNls

havblue 4y ago

While I certainly hate the "what's up" question, questions post kids with friends are related to their kids, jobs, relationship issues and pop culture video games questions. Honestly, I've had a hard time turning these into interesting discussions. It amounts to, "no time to really reflect. Here are my mundane joys and traumas. Okay, back to the pressing issues at hand..."

7952 4y ago

Its a greeting that confirms a certain level of intamacy. You don't have to answer with anything more than the same question. Like a modern "how do you do".

xtiansimon 4y ago

> “… so you can tell them about the thing you really want to say without it seeming sudden or forced.” Yes. And I find myself using this pattern when I want to talk (heck, I started the conversation, so I have something in my mind), but I’m not sure if it’s a convenient time. If my asking “What’s up” unlocks a conversation, then maybe it’s not a good time to talk about what I was thinking.