6 ms·

I wonder if lower sex drive is also caused by this sort of thing? I'll admit, I don't think I've ever had a normal sex drive. My partner is very frustrated by

I wonder if lower sex drive is also caused by this sort of thing? I'll admit, I don't think I've ever had a normal sex drive. My partner is very frustrated by this at times. Its not an attraction thing, I don't know the "why" per se here. I'd be interested to know if these things are correlated. I'd also be open to hearing about how to reverse it. (I'm 30 years old, supposedly I should be not this) Speaking in aggregates, there have also been reports[0] of this happening across the world, including pre-pandemic[1] [0]: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/mar/16/not-tonight-darling-how-the-world-lost-its-libido-and-how-it-can-get-it-back https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/mar/16/not-ton... [1]: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-ame...

fithisux 4y ago
Me too having the same problem. Possibly plastic bottles?
- pengaru 4y ago
  Fortunately you can literally measure a male's ango-genital distance to see if they're underdeveloped as has been observed from Bisphenol A exposure. I wonder if it's a check doctors are generally doing now.
  - fithisux 4y ago
    Mine did not even mention the case of pollutants. He said heart problems or psychological problems.
    - pengaru 4y ago
      Maybe they just measure testosterone levels and avoid the awkward conversation (and potentially depressing conclusion) of determining how fully developed you are from your time in the womb. Is there even much they can do about it other than TRT anyways?
cjensen 4y ago
If you have a concern about this, talk to your doctor. Also keep in mind "sex drive" (aka "libido") can be easily affected by worrying about it. Talk to a psych about it because generally speaking psych-caused libido issues are super-easy to treat. Lastly, if you are taking medications check for whether decreased libido is on the list of known side effects. Check in with your doctor anytime you have a well-known side effect to see if you can ignore it or not.
pengaru 4y ago
If you're living sedentary and overweight/obese, I'd start with changing that to a more active lifestyle and maintaining a normal BMI. When I live more like a savage my sex drive tends to follow suit.
- metadat 4y ago
  What exactly does "like a savage" mean to you? Staying lean and hungry?
  - izzydata 4y ago
    Perhaps less comfortable with more physical movement. Humans didn't evolve with air conditioning and couches.
  - pengaru 4y ago
    Regularly being sweaty/dirty/exhausted from exertion and general outdoor shenanigans is probably a reasonable general description of my mental image. But you can get a chunk of that just hitting the gym. Personally I find actually being out in nature and getting dirty while doing strenuous shit makes a difference WRT my vitality and vigor. An air-conditioned gym is still a largely sterile, low-risk comfort trap.
- gundamdoubleO 4y ago
  I actually experienced the complete opposite. When I was sedentary and overweight sex was probably the number one thing on my mind most of the time. After I fixed my diet, lost the weight and started a regular exercise regime my libido dropped like crazy. These days I generally don't think about sex at all.
  - globular-toast 4y ago
    There is a phenomenon in some men where too intense or too much exercise can lower sex drive.
  - pengaru 4y ago
groby_b 4y ago
In general - talk to a psych/therapist/sex therapist. Sex drive is weird, and the mind is weird :) But also, there is no "I supposedly should not be this". You are who you are. There's an entire community of people who are asexual, and that is fine. If it bugs you personally, by all means, I recommend spelunking in your brain and finding out more. But please don't feel you have to conform to some sort of ideal. Yes, there are your partner's needs. But if you just aren't that sexual, it is time for a (difficult) conversation - how else can they get their needs fulfilled. You can try to just make yourself be that person, but if it's truly not who you are, there's a price to pay down the road. (Hence, please talk to a professional - they're much better at helping you navigate this complex area than randos on the Internet)
- samatman 4y ago
  Asexuality is fine in the sense that no one should be challenged or treated badly for their level of sex drive. But in a context of falling sperm counts, testosterone levels, endocrine disruptors showing up in urine at high levels, SSRIs (some of these are male-specific but have female counterparts), I worry that just shrugging off low-to-nonexistent libido as just "ah some people are asexual and that's valid" isn't giving a complete picture. Sex feels really good, relationships are important to most people, most relationships of the sort I'm referring to are going to be with a partner who wants sex. To reiterate, any ego-synchronic asexuals out there, if you're happy I'm happy, but it's also okay to treat a lack of libido as a medical issue and see if it can be alleviated, which is often the case.
  - rpmisms 4y ago
    Asexuality on an individual level is fine, you shouldn't feel bad about it. As a societal phenomenon, it's worrying, and we should investigate.
  - staticman2 4y ago
    Asexual people do not generally become less asexual when you give them hormones. There's a reason the term exists, it's not for people suffering from a treatable chemical deficiency.
cultofmetatron 4y ago
go to the gym and start lifting. (esspecially squats) my libido was insane after 2 months. (which was annoying because I was single and had no prospects at the time)
- SoftTalker 4y ago
  Yep, was going to say the same. Leg work in particular is good for your testosterone levels.
  - staticman2 4y ago
    There's nothing I can find showing muscle exercises have any more than a slight, temporary effect on testosterone levels.
    - cultofmetatron 4y ago
      an action that has a slight temporary effect but performed consistently over time will have some sort of longer term effect.
      - staticman2 4y ago
        The concept of homeostasis shows this isn't necessarily true. I can find nothing showing there is an effect over time.
        cultofmetatron 4y ago
        so people who regularly lift dont' look any different from people that don't after doing it consistently for a long period?
        staticman2 4y ago
        The claim was about testosterone levels not muscle mass. It doesn't appear to be true that lifting has any impact on testosterone levels aside from the first hour after lifting. It goes up temporarily then returns to normal. It appears scientists have studied such things. The biological concept of homeostasis could explain why that might be true. So it is what it is.
wonderwonder 4y ago
Have your testosterone levels checked. If they are low get on TRT. Massive quality of life improvement. Higher sex drive, more focus, more energy, etc. "My partner is very frustrated by this at times" Respectfully this should be an alarm bell. Sex is an important driver in most relationships and if your partner is upset you should be actively working with your Dr. to root cause the issue.
- copperx 4y ago
  TRT has its disadvantages, such as (1) you have to take it for the rest of your life, and (2) a higher risk of certain cancers. It sounds a bit scary, to be honest.
  - wonderwonder 4y ago
    sure, there are tradeoffs to everything. Your points are valid, but so is the view point of OP potentially losing his partner for the rest of their life if sex is that important to them. TRT can provide many other benefits as well both physical and mental. Increased cancer risk is probably greatly reduced just by eating a proper diet and being physically active which being on TRT may motivate. As for taking it the rest of your life, its not a big deal, you can pin yourself once a week or get a pellet implanted that has to be replaced every 4 months. I just inject myself once a week, takes less than 5 minutes all in. My mental health & focus has vastly improved and i have more energy to actually play with my kids after work. My Dr. also monitors my blood work every 8 weeks and just due to this, my liver function is healthy after having elevated levels due to fatty liver for the last 15 years.
  - concinds 4y ago
    The "high-performance" doctors (for athletes/businessmen) I've seen tend to be very pro TRT. If you're low T, TRT will increase your energy, confidence, sex drive, serenity, and quality of life; and it'll also very significantly decrease your risk of heart disease and heart attacks even in old age. Even looking at the pure cost-benefit of TRT (without even considering whether it'll help GP's sex life) it's an easy decision to make. Low testosterone is vastly underdiagnosed. Some tests define 240 ng/dL as normal testosterones levels for a 19 year old man. That's low even for a 70 year old. No man alive will even function at their real cognitive capacity at such low levels (brain fog is a low T symptom). Obviously, in a medical system that defines 240-300ng/dL Test as normal, TRT won't be the mainstream treatment. Its "controversialness" is completely unearned. https://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-xpm-2013-09-15-ct-biz-0915-outside-opinion-pro-20130915-story.html https://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-xpm-2013-09-15-ct...
at_a_remove 4y ago
I am in a similar boat as you. I am one of the last DES babies and I don't know if I have ever had a normal sex drive; being flooded with estrogens in utero might just do that. I have always been able to stop on a dime, wasn't very motivated by sex, apparently come off somewhere in the "aloof to gay" spectrum to women because I don't have the reflexive "look a woman up and down" habit. Sperm count at eighteen was ... miserable and sad. Due to another health issue, it will be complex to treat and I've considered Clomid versus just straight shots. And frankly, I am a little scared of what a normal sex drive would be like.
- everdrive 4y ago
  What is a ‘DES baby’ ?
  - Gibbon1 4y ago
    > Diethylstilbestrol (DES) is a synthetic form of the female hormone estrogen. It was prescribed to pregnant women between 1940 and 1971 to prevent miscarriage, premature labor, and related complications of pregnancy https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/hormones/des-fact-sheet https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/h...
    - emmelaich 4y ago
      Amazing that I've never heard of this!
      - Gibbon1 4y ago
        What I understand is in the 1950's there was a theory that women would miscarry because of a lack of estrogen. So women who had had miscarriages would be given DES when pregnant. By the 1960's I think there was a realization that a) didn't work. b) miscarriages are often due to issues with the fetus. c) Common. So use was stopped 50 years ago. And mostly stopped 10 years before that. Was a commonly discussed thing in the 1970's and 80's. But less after that.
thriftwy 4y ago
The expectations of your partner are likely the main reason for lowered sex drive. You need to learn to let these expectations free and not be affected by those, or by your own expectations. Only then you will, hopefully, rediscover parts of your sex drive.
willcipriano 4y ago
Some people have this idea that they have to be "in the mood" to have sex, but like many other activities sometimes you start doing something and you find that after a few minutes you begin to enjoy yourself. If you physically can't that's another problem, but for some this can be solved by setting a reminder to initiate sex from time to time. Really as a couple you should set aside some time to be physically intimate (not necessarily have sex) with each other on a regular basis, if you did that you may find the problem sort of solves itself.
- carlmr 4y ago
  I think this is a big part. For spontaneous sex you need to have leisure time, together, where you can expect privacy, and you're not super tired. A lot of people don't have that.
- bergenty 4y ago
  Yeah completely agree. I’m not fantasizing about someone I’ve been with for 10 years. My wife and I just make time every week and once you start it’s a good time.

fithisux 4y ago

Me too having the same problem. Possibly plastic bottles?

pengaru 4y ago
Fortunately you can literally measure a male's ango-genital distance to see if they're underdeveloped as has been observed from Bisphenol A exposure. I wonder if it's a check doctors are generally doing now.
- fithisux 4y ago
  Mine did not even mention the case of pollutants. He said heart problems or psychological problems.
  - pengaru 4y ago
    Maybe they just measure testosterone levels and avoid the awkward conversation (and potentially depressing conclusion) of determining how fully developed you are from your time in the womb. Is there even much they can do about it other than TRT anyways?

cjensen 4y ago

If you have a concern about this, talk to your doctor. Also keep in mind "sex drive" (aka "libido") can be easily affected by worrying about it. Talk to a psych about it because generally speaking psych-caused libido issues are super-easy to treat. Lastly, if you are taking medications check for whether decreased libido is on the list of known side effects. Check in with your doctor anytime you have a well-known side effect to see if you can ignore it or not.

pengaru 4y ago

If you're living sedentary and overweight/obese, I'd start with changing that to a more active lifestyle and maintaining a normal BMI. When I live more like a savage my sex drive tends to follow suit.

metadat 4y ago
What exactly does "like a savage" mean to you? Staying lean and hungry?
- izzydata 4y ago
  Perhaps less comfortable with more physical movement. Humans didn't evolve with air conditioning and couches.
- pengaru 4y ago
  Regularly being sweaty/dirty/exhausted from exertion and general outdoor shenanigans is probably a reasonable general description of my mental image. But you can get a chunk of that just hitting the gym. Personally I find actually being out in nature and getting dirty while doing strenuous shit makes a difference WRT my vitality and vigor. An air-conditioned gym is still a largely sterile, low-risk comfort trap.
gundamdoubleO 4y ago
I actually experienced the complete opposite. When I was sedentary and overweight sex was probably the number one thing on my mind most of the time. After I fixed my diet, lost the weight and started a regular exercise regime my libido dropped like crazy. These days I generally don't think about sex at all.
- globular-toast 4y ago
  There is a phenomenon in some men where too intense or too much exercise can lower sex drive.
- pengaru 4y ago

groby_b 4y ago

In general - talk to a psych/therapist/sex therapist. Sex drive is weird, and the mind is weird :) But also, there is no "I supposedly should not be this". You are who you are. There's an entire community of people who are asexual, and that is fine. If it bugs you personally, by all means, I recommend spelunking in your brain and finding out more. But please don't feel you have to conform to some sort of ideal. Yes, there are your partner's needs. But if you just aren't that sexual, it is time for a (difficult) conversation - how else can they get their needs fulfilled. You can try to just make yourself be that person, but if it's truly not who you are, there's a price to pay down the road. (Hence, please talk to a professional - they're much better at helping you navigate this complex area than randos on the Internet)

samatman 4y ago
Asexuality is fine in the sense that no one should be challenged or treated badly for their level of sex drive. But in a context of falling sperm counts, testosterone levels, endocrine disruptors showing up in urine at high levels, SSRIs (some of these are male-specific but have female counterparts), I worry that just shrugging off low-to-nonexistent libido as just "ah some people are asexual and that's valid" isn't giving a complete picture. Sex feels really good, relationships are important to most people, most relationships of the sort I'm referring to are going to be with a partner who wants sex. To reiterate, any ego-synchronic asexuals out there, if you're happy I'm happy, but it's also okay to treat a lack of libido as a medical issue and see if it can be alleviated, which is often the case.
- rpmisms 4y ago
  Asexuality on an individual level is fine, you shouldn't feel bad about it. As a societal phenomenon, it's worrying, and we should investigate.
- staticman2 4y ago
  Asexual people do not generally become less asexual when you give them hormones. There's a reason the term exists, it's not for people suffering from a treatable chemical deficiency.

cultofmetatron 4y ago

go to the gym and start lifting. (esspecially squats) my libido was insane after 2 months. (which was annoying because I was single and had no prospects at the time)

SoftTalker 4y ago
Yep, was going to say the same. Leg work in particular is good for your testosterone levels.
- staticman2 4y ago
  There's nothing I can find showing muscle exercises have any more than a slight, temporary effect on testosterone levels.
  - cultofmetatron 4y ago
    an action that has a slight temporary effect but performed consistently over time will have some sort of longer term effect.
    - staticman2 4y ago
      The concept of homeostasis shows this isn't necessarily true. I can find nothing showing there is an effect over time.
      - cultofmetatron 4y ago
        so people who regularly lift dont' look any different from people that don't after doing it consistently for a long period?
        staticman2 4y ago
        The claim was about testosterone levels not muscle mass. It doesn't appear to be true that lifting has any impact on testosterone levels aside from the first hour after lifting. It goes up temporarily then returns to normal. It appears scientists have studied such things. The biological concept of homeostasis could explain why that might be true. So it is what it is.

wonderwonder 4y ago

Have your testosterone levels checked. If they are low get on TRT. Massive quality of life improvement. Higher sex drive, more focus, more energy, etc. "My partner is very frustrated by this at times" Respectfully this should be an alarm bell. Sex is an important driver in most relationships and if your partner is upset you should be actively working with your Dr. to root cause the issue.

copperx 4y ago
TRT has its disadvantages, such as (1) you have to take it for the rest of your life, and (2) a higher risk of certain cancers. It sounds a bit scary, to be honest.
- wonderwonder 4y ago
  sure, there are tradeoffs to everything. Your points are valid, but so is the view point of OP potentially losing his partner for the rest of their life if sex is that important to them. TRT can provide many other benefits as well both physical and mental. Increased cancer risk is probably greatly reduced just by eating a proper diet and being physically active which being on TRT may motivate. As for taking it the rest of your life, its not a big deal, you can pin yourself once a week or get a pellet implanted that has to be replaced every 4 months. I just inject myself once a week, takes less than 5 minutes all in. My mental health & focus has vastly improved and i have more energy to actually play with my kids after work. My Dr. also monitors my blood work every 8 weeks and just due to this, my liver function is healthy after having elevated levels due to fatty liver for the last 15 years.
- concinds 4y ago
  The "high-performance" doctors (for athletes/businessmen) I've seen tend to be very pro TRT. If you're low T, TRT will increase your energy, confidence, sex drive, serenity, and quality of life; and it'll also very significantly decrease your risk of heart disease and heart attacks even in old age. Even looking at the pure cost-benefit of TRT (without even considering whether it'll help GP's sex life) it's an easy decision to make. Low testosterone is vastly underdiagnosed. Some tests define 240 ng/dL as normal testosterones levels for a 19 year old man. That's low even for a 70 year old. No man alive will even function at their real cognitive capacity at such low levels (brain fog is a low T symptom). Obviously, in a medical system that defines 240-300ng/dL Test as normal, TRT won't be the mainstream treatment. Its "controversialness" is completely unearned. https://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-xpm-2013-09-15-ct-biz-0915-outside-opinion-pro-20130915-story.html https://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-xpm-2013-09-15-ct...

at_a_remove 4y ago

I am in a similar boat as you. I am one of the last DES babies and I don't know if I have ever had a normal sex drive; being flooded with estrogens in utero might just do that. I have always been able to stop on a dime, wasn't very motivated by sex, apparently come off somewhere in the "aloof to gay" spectrum to women because I don't have the reflexive "look a woman up and down" habit. Sperm count at eighteen was ... miserable and sad. Due to another health issue, it will be complex to treat and I've considered Clomid versus just straight shots. And frankly, I am a little scared of what a normal sex drive would be like.

everdrive 4y ago
What is a ‘DES baby’ ?
- Gibbon1 4y ago
  > Diethylstilbestrol (DES) is a synthetic form of the female hormone estrogen. It was prescribed to pregnant women between 1940 and 1971 to prevent miscarriage, premature labor, and related complications of pregnancy https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/hormones/des-fact-sheet https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/h...
  - emmelaich 4y ago
    Amazing that I've never heard of this!
    - Gibbon1 4y ago
      What I understand is in the 1950's there was a theory that women would miscarry because of a lack of estrogen. So women who had had miscarriages would be given DES when pregnant. By the 1960's I think there was a realization that a) didn't work. b) miscarriages are often due to issues with the fetus. c) Common. So use was stopped 50 years ago. And mostly stopped 10 years before that. Was a commonly discussed thing in the 1970's and 80's. But less after that.

thriftwy 4y ago

The expectations of your partner are likely the main reason for lowered sex drive. You need to learn to let these expectations free and not be affected by those, or by your own expectations. Only then you will, hopefully, rediscover parts of your sex drive.

willcipriano 4y ago

Some people have this idea that they have to be "in the mood" to have sex, but like many other activities sometimes you start doing something and you find that after a few minutes you begin to enjoy yourself. If you physically can't that's another problem, but for some this can be solved by setting a reminder to initiate sex from time to time. Really as a couple you should set aside some time to be physically intimate (not necessarily have sex) with each other on a regular basis, if you did that you may find the problem sort of solves itself.

carlmr 4y ago
I think this is a big part. For spontaneous sex you need to have leisure time, together, where you can expect privacy, and you're not super tired. A lot of people don't have that.
bergenty 4y ago
Yeah completely agree. I’m not fantasizing about someone I’ve been with for 10 years. My wife and I just make time every week and once you start it’s a good time.