7 ms·

I didn’t hate catching up with people over AIM nearly as much as I do over text. Once you were off AIM, you were off. SMS/iMessage/etc. are an open-ended conver

by teeray 4y ago

I didn’t hate catching up with people over AIM nearly as much as I do over text. Once you were off AIM, you were off. SMS/iMessage/etc. are an open-ended conversation that spans hours or days with ambiguous expectations of responsiveness. In the past you were unequivocally sitting at your computer, looking to chat. Now you could be out working in the yard, running errands, trying to watch a movie, or generally doing something in real life that is interrupted by the constant stream of incoming messages from unknowing friends.

JamesAdir 4y ago
It was the same with ICQ. You could sent messages when someone was offline or away but it didn't showed up on their screens until they've switch to an Online status. It was much more useful and productive than today constant chatter.
baisq 4y ago
I hate the opposite: I can't know when someone is free and ready to chat with me. I may send a message and wait 30 seconds or 3 hours until I can get a conversation going. Or get responses every 20 minutes instead of every 2 minutes.
dfxm12 4y ago
interrupted by the constant stream of incoming messages from unknowing friends You can probably edit, including disabling, notifications from the different messaging apps. Don't worry about your friends. They understand this is asynchronous communication.
- thewebcount 4y ago
  In my experience the issue isn't usually friends. It's people you have to stay in contact with like family, or maybe coworkers, and they don't understand what asynchronous communication is and have unrealistic expectations that now that you have an alway-on device, you will be ready to respond to it immediately. If you don't have that in your life, you are lucky.
GeekyBear 4y ago
> SMS/iMessage/etc. are an open-ended conversation that spans hours or days with ambiguous expectations of responsiveness. You can pretty easily set Apple ecosystem devices into various levels of Do Not Disturb, where for each level you decide which people and apps you will allow immediate notifications for and which you want to queue up until you mark yourself as available again. Just like with AIM of yore, people who send you a message get an away notice if their message is queued. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIROaMUeOPE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIROaMUeOPE
Melatonic 4y ago
I don't think we really can blame chat messengers for this - this is just a huge shift socially in general. Don't shoot the messenger :-)
Melatonic 4y ago
Phone calls are underrated for this reason Personally I also that aspect of text messages a huge plus - if someone calls me and I am super tired or busy or just do not want to engage in a full conversation I can reply to the texts at my leisure or not reply at all. We have more options than ever - it comes down to the social aspects and expectations I think more than anything
DougMellon 4y ago
I have progressed to a point where I essentially have do not disturb on all day with my partner and mother allowed through as well as two apps for work and the rest receiving a DND response. I also have it set so repeated calls come though from my favorites in the case of an emergency.
- sshagent 4y ago
  I to do this. phone permanent DNB. Even during working hours, although then its in eye shot to the side of my monitor. So i can see stuff there, but can choose whether to answer or not. Its been immense in combating the constant 24x7 messages i get from work. Its been pretty useful as well in just telling people drop your message to my teams, it won't wake me up and i'll get to it when i get a chance. Only a few limited number of people on my favourites (which bypasses this)
- diogenescynic 4y ago
  I do the exact same thing. The only drawbacks are that I occasionally miss calls that I would have wanted to answer. Here's an example why this became necessary. I was recently looking to pre-qualify for a mortgage, now I'm getting 6-8 calls a day at various hours and even multiple unsolicited texts. It's amazing how awful using a phone has become and incredibly distracting.
- rubslopes 4y ago
  I only use DND at night. Throughout the day, my strategy is to mute notifications from e everyone on Whatsapp except family. If I start a conversation with someone, I turn their notification on temporarily. I also have a whatsapp widget on my home screen where I can quickly glance for new messages. Yes, I spend the whole day turning notifications on and off for people but I am very happy with my system.
- bentcorner 4y ago
  I do the exact same thing. DnD is permanently on and I allow "favorite" contacts to come through as well as one or two apps. My phone almost never vibrates or makes sound. My social circle is quite small so I could see how this may not work for everyone. I think I could get the same behavior without DnD but it'd require a lot of fiddling to make sure every app/contact has the right notification settings and frankly that's too much busywork.
Syonyk 4y ago
> I didn’t hate catching up with people over AIM nearly as much as I do over text. You had a keyboard for that, too. Nothing is quite so annoying as trying to have a conversation with someone when one party is on a keyboard and the other is on a phone. I'm just... "not online" a lot of the time now. Stuff will get to me when it gets to me, and if I've gone a couple days without being really on the various messengers, that's fine. Expectation is that if you need something critical, call, otherwise I'll get back to you eventually.
- Spivak 4y ago
  What does a keyboard help? With swiping and aggressive prediction and completion my wpm on my phone is basically on par with a keyboard. Hell on the average day I probably write 2x as much by phone as I do with a physical keyboard.
  - ReactiveJelly 4y ago
    I don't have those and I don't feel like screwing around with the software setup for them.
  - ihateolives 4y ago
    If you write in English then yes for most people (peckers), if your write in any of the world's minor languages then hard no. Just no comparison.
  - browningstreet 4y ago
    Not same for many. Not for me. I hate iPhone keyboard and it is neither accurate nor easy compared to a physical keyboard.
  - mrehler 4y ago
    I’m actually quite adept at my iPhone keyboard — one of many reasons I prefer the larger-sized phones. But I’m both actually faster (a solid 30 extra wpm) and feel less constrained when I’m typing on a full-size keyboard. There have been times I’ve been engaged in an active enough conversation by iMessage or by text that it motivates me to get out my Mac or my iPad for the benefit of the keyboard.
makeitdouble 4y ago
Funny enough the prior end of this continuum was (free) local phone calls that you could leave open for hours to discuss with your neighbor friends while doing something else. Once you hang up you're off, and it's completely limited session in time and space. I see some companies trying to replicate that with discord rooms, I don't know if it has much success for work organizations.
jraph 4y ago
It seems like you should be able to make the call on what people should expect wrt your responsiveness. I definitely know for most of my friends how they are responsive in what situation and I'm fine with their different rules. I expect them the same for me. Never told them but I have not had issues so far. Just answer however you feel like doing this and people will have no choice to catch up anyway. It's probably fine to take hours or even wait the next day to answer a text. If someone asks you can tell them. If you feel pressure from message (notifications) to answer, that's probably something you can learn to manage and let go. I know few people who actually expect others to be able to answer fast any time. I'm quite responsive myself usually but I fully expect most of my friends to answer in a few hours or even the next day, and if they answer fast, that's neat but not expected. Some friends take days to answer, I adapt. If they miss something, their loss at the end, but usually I think they see the message quite fast so that does not happen. If I propose something to a friend who usually answers the last minute and something else come up, I consider I can cancel with this last minute friend so I don't let their rules eat me neither. Don't let the phone or the computer control you. That should be the reverse. If you are spending time with someone or watching a movie, just don't check out your phone. Put it away. It's going to be fine. If anything urgent happens they will call. Tell them if it's not clear for them. I do not answer non urgent stuff when I'm actually with other people in real life. They have priority. That allows me to enjoy and focus on them better. Messaging stays asynchronous and that's how it's designed. Life is so enjoyable this way.
madeofpalk 4y ago
There's definitely room to improve in the products (ie I think Slack's recent scheduled messages are a good improvement towards this), but personal discipline goes a long way here, especially when frequently the product/company goals (pumping engagement) are the inverse of your own. You need to set your own boundaries, and not allow these devices/services to dictate so much of your attention (I say as I procrastinate on HN). Use app or OS features to mute notifications. Sign out. Wait before replying. Leave your phone behind. 99 times out of 100 you can definitely just wait before checking and replying.

by teeray 4y ago

JamesAdir 4y ago

It was the same with ICQ. You could sent messages when someone was offline or away but it didn't showed up on their screens until they've switch to an Online status. It was much more useful and productive than today constant chatter.

baisq 4y ago

I hate the opposite: I can't know when someone is free and ready to chat with me. I may send a message and wait 30 seconds or 3 hours until I can get a conversation going. Or get responses every 20 minutes instead of every 2 minutes.

dfxm12 4y ago

interrupted by the constant stream of incoming messages from unknowing friends You can probably edit, including disabling, notifications from the different messaging apps. Don't worry about your friends. They understand this is asynchronous communication.

thewebcount 4y ago
In my experience the issue isn't usually friends. It's people you have to stay in contact with like family, or maybe coworkers, and they don't understand what asynchronous communication is and have unrealistic expectations that now that you have an alway-on device, you will be ready to respond to it immediately. If you don't have that in your life, you are lucky.

GeekyBear 4y ago

> SMS/iMessage/etc. are an open-ended conversation that spans hours or days with ambiguous expectations of responsiveness. You can pretty easily set Apple ecosystem devices into various levels of Do Not Disturb, where for each level you decide which people and apps you will allow immediate notifications for and which you want to queue up until you mark yourself as available again. Just like with AIM of yore, people who send you a message get an away notice if their message is queued. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIROaMUeOPE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIROaMUeOPE

Melatonic 4y ago

I don't think we really can blame chat messengers for this - this is just a huge shift socially in general. Don't shoot the messenger :-)

Melatonic 4y ago

Phone calls are underrated for this reason Personally I also that aspect of text messages a huge plus - if someone calls me and I am super tired or busy or just do not want to engage in a full conversation I can reply to the texts at my leisure or not reply at all. We have more options than ever - it comes down to the social aspects and expectations I think more than anything

DougMellon 4y ago

I have progressed to a point where I essentially have do not disturb on all day with my partner and mother allowed through as well as two apps for work and the rest receiving a DND response. I also have it set so repeated calls come though from my favorites in the case of an emergency.

sshagent 4y ago
I to do this. phone permanent DNB. Even during working hours, although then its in eye shot to the side of my monitor. So i can see stuff there, but can choose whether to answer or not. Its been immense in combating the constant 24x7 messages i get from work. Its been pretty useful as well in just telling people drop your message to my teams, it won't wake me up and i'll get to it when i get a chance. Only a few limited number of people on my favourites (which bypasses this)
diogenescynic 4y ago
I do the exact same thing. The only drawbacks are that I occasionally miss calls that I would have wanted to answer. Here's an example why this became necessary. I was recently looking to pre-qualify for a mortgage, now I'm getting 6-8 calls a day at various hours and even multiple unsolicited texts. It's amazing how awful using a phone has become and incredibly distracting.
rubslopes 4y ago
I only use DND at night. Throughout the day, my strategy is to mute notifications from e everyone on Whatsapp except family. If I start a conversation with someone, I turn their notification on temporarily. I also have a whatsapp widget on my home screen where I can quickly glance for new messages. Yes, I spend the whole day turning notifications on and off for people but I am very happy with my system.
bentcorner 4y ago
I do the exact same thing. DnD is permanently on and I allow "favorite" contacts to come through as well as one or two apps. My phone almost never vibrates or makes sound. My social circle is quite small so I could see how this may not work for everyone. I think I could get the same behavior without DnD but it'd require a lot of fiddling to make sure every app/contact has the right notification settings and frankly that's too much busywork.

Syonyk 4y ago

> I didn’t hate catching up with people over AIM nearly as much as I do over text. You had a keyboard for that, too. Nothing is quite so annoying as trying to have a conversation with someone when one party is on a keyboard and the other is on a phone. I'm just... "not online" a lot of the time now. Stuff will get to me when it gets to me, and if I've gone a couple days without being really on the various messengers, that's fine. Expectation is that if you need something critical, call, otherwise I'll get back to you eventually.

Spivak 4y ago
What does a keyboard help? With swiping and aggressive prediction and completion my wpm on my phone is basically on par with a keyboard. Hell on the average day I probably write 2x as much by phone as I do with a physical keyboard.
- ReactiveJelly 4y ago
  I don't have those and I don't feel like screwing around with the software setup for them.
- ihateolives 4y ago
  If you write in English then yes for most people (peckers), if your write in any of the world's minor languages then hard no. Just no comparison.
- browningstreet 4y ago
  Not same for many. Not for me. I hate iPhone keyboard and it is neither accurate nor easy compared to a physical keyboard.
- mrehler 4y ago
  I’m actually quite adept at my iPhone keyboard — one of many reasons I prefer the larger-sized phones. But I’m both actually faster (a solid 30 extra wpm) and feel less constrained when I’m typing on a full-size keyboard. There have been times I’ve been engaged in an active enough conversation by iMessage or by text that it motivates me to get out my Mac or my iPad for the benefit of the keyboard.

makeitdouble 4y ago

Funny enough the prior end of this continuum was (free) local phone calls that you could leave open for hours to discuss with your neighbor friends while doing something else. Once you hang up you're off, and it's completely limited session in time and space. I see some companies trying to replicate that with discord rooms, I don't know if it has much success for work organizations.

jraph 4y ago

It seems like you should be able to make the call on what people should expect wrt your responsiveness. I definitely know for most of my friends how they are responsive in what situation and I'm fine with their different rules. I expect them the same for me. Never told them but I have not had issues so far. Just answer however you feel like doing this and people will have no choice to catch up anyway. It's probably fine to take hours or even wait the next day to answer a text. If someone asks you can tell them. If you feel pressure from message (notifications) to answer, that's probably something you can learn to manage and let go. I know few people who actually expect others to be able to answer fast any time. I'm quite responsive myself usually but I fully expect most of my friends to answer in a few hours or even the next day, and if they answer fast, that's neat but not expected. Some friends take days to answer, I adapt. If they miss something, their loss at the end, but usually I think they see the message quite fast so that does not happen. If I propose something to a friend who usually answers the last minute and something else come up, I consider I can cancel with this last minute friend so I don't let their rules eat me neither. Don't let the phone or the computer control you. That should be the reverse. If you are spending time with someone or watching a movie, just don't check out your phone. Put it away. It's going to be fine. If anything urgent happens they will call. Tell them if it's not clear for them. I do not answer non urgent stuff when I'm actually with other people in real life. They have priority. That allows me to enjoy and focus on them better. Messaging stays asynchronous and that's how it's designed. Life is so enjoyable this way.

madeofpalk 4y ago

There's definitely room to improve in the products (ie I think Slack's recent scheduled messages are a good improvement towards this), but personal discipline goes a long way here, especially when frequently the product/company goals (pumping engagement) are the inverse of your own. You need to set your own boundaries, and not allow these devices/services to dictate so much of your attention (I say as I procrastinate on HN). Use app or OS features to mute notifications. Sign out. Wait before replying. Leave your phone behind. 99 times out of 100 you can definitely just wait before checking and replying.