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How to professionally say

• deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
• dj_mc_merlin 4y ago
  Huh? I thought this was a satire/joke website. The amount of people who thank the author for help is.. worrying. This is how we jokingly communicate at work, or in commit messages.
• mkl95 4y ago
  > Can you answer all of the questions I asked and not just pick and choose one That hit close to home.
  • Cpoll 4y ago
    I used to get annoyed at that, then I caught myself doing it to someone else (accidentally). It's surprisingly easy to do, especially if you get distracted midway through reading an email. I've had much better success numbering all my asks, that reminds people that there's more than one question to answer. It also helps to cluster all the questions at the end of the email, when possible.
• deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
• ChangeTheory 4y ago
  I don't think you make it sufficiently clear that you've essentially plagiarized this from the Instagramer you link to: https://www.instagram.com/loewhaley https://www.instagram.com/loewhaley There is no "special thanks". You've copied it word-for-word. I think the only reason you've posted this here is to crowd source more content, rather than do the work yourself.
• ghostfoxgod 4y ago
  weekend project, open sourced at https://github.com/AkashRajpurohit/howtoprofessionallysay https://github.com/AkashRajpurohit/howtoprofessionallysay feel free to add/update the data.
  • ianai 4y ago
    Contrary to other comments I think you’re actually trying to provide a meaningful “blunt” to “not likely to become a problem” lookup table of sorts. Hope it works.
    • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
      That's the intent here, but based on the comments, it feels like I need to add a disclaimer of "try at your own risk"
      • lolinder 4y ago
        I think that if you expanded the scope a bit to include advice on when to avoid saying something, it would be more helpful. For example, "I told you so" shouldn't really be said in most contexts. It comes off as unprofessional no matter how you say it, so there's no entry you could create that would not seem wrong. If in those cases you suggest alternatives to saying anything, it would come off better.
• jaequery 4y ago
  This is great
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    Thanks
• NovemberWhiskey 4y ago
  Alternative title: "how to come across as a passive-aggressive asshole"
  • blablabla123 4y ago
    Yeah there's not much the other person can respond to that stuff. Better would be to start a discussion if any of these things are worth bothering
• throwaway98797 4y ago
  the intent behind this project is great the hard part is how to not come off passive aggressive many (all?) of the places i worked at, the professional versions suggested would get a negative reaction ultimately, that’s not this tools fault humans hate to be asked to do anything ever
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    Totally agreed, it depends on person to person and with whom you are interacting, although the intent here is not to come off as passive-aggressive.
• dssagar93 4y ago
  This should be available as an autocorrect on Slack and Terms. :p
• ianai 4y ago
  “This falls out of my job description but if the opportunity for a role expansion becomes available I would be happy to discuss reworking my contract to better align with these new responsibilities” I see you’ve chosen to play with fire.
  • throwaway98797 4y ago
    “pay me more and i’ll do it, otherwise stfu” is how I’d read this version, which is a threat
    • ianai 4y ago
      In a more even work environment it probably wouldn’t be. But it underscores how uneven the power balance is today.
• chrisseaton 4y ago
  All of these are super passive-aggressive.
  • leecommamichael 4y ago
    I think the suggestions are good, but the premises aren't. All of the statements that you click are an aggressive voice, but the revealed suggestion is passive. That being said, so long as you don't feel as aggressive as the premises, you'll be okay.
• gavinray 4y ago
  This reads like robot-ey enterprise speak. No human being speaks to someone else like this in a normal situation. Just say what you mean and stop dancing around silly social games like this.
  • hocuspocus 4y ago
    On the contrary I feel like that's pretty close to what my PO and PMs do all day. I used to work at a former Nokia company and my PO was Finnish. He would get people upset all the time by simply being too direct, especially with American colleagues.
    • gavinray 4y ago
      Maybe I'm the odd the one then. I get mildly upset when people send me messages like this, because I know that wasn't what was in their head and that's not what they wanted to tell me. It feels really... I don't know, like you can't even bother to speak to me like we're human beings. I'd rather someone just talk to me like a normal person than use this corporate buzzword speak. But I was also raised in a family where you'd be told to "stop being an idiot" and then an explanation of why what you're doing was stupid. My mum wasn't one to mince words.
      • ModernMech 4y ago
        The suggestions here seem like they're taking a sentiment with negative framing and just recasting it in a positive light. A lot of the corrected phrases assign blame, are hostile, overly confrontational, flippant, accusatory, curt, and impolite. Are you saying this kind of communication is how you think normal humans should speak with one another? What kind of environment do you think is created when everyone speaks that way to one another? Is that a place you'd like to work?
        • legalcorrection 4y ago
          In a high-trust environment, candor is not perceived as hostile. When you encourage people to interpret candor as hostility, you make everyone constantly afraid of offending others. It's hard to build trust and rapport with your coworkers in that environment.
• illuminati1911 4y ago
  This is very helpful. Thank you so much. Some of them might require slight changes depending on the context to not sound too passive aggressive.
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    Agree with that, it depends on person to person, but hey, since the repo is open sourced, please feel free to make any changes and send a PR, I'll be happy to take a look at it :)
    • mattcwilson 4y ago
      Agree - the intent of this resource is fantastic. Thank you for taking the time! I do feel like I have some even better suggestions. When I get back to my computer, I’m so taking you up on this.
      • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
        Happy to hear your thoughts and suggestions.
• yellowstuff 4y ago
  Good idea, but a lot of these feel like saying the professional way of telling someone to eat shit and die is “consume fecal matter and perish in an inferno”.
  • lolinder 4y ago
    Yes. The difference between acting professionally and not is usually in what you choose to say, not how you choose to say it. Dressing up an unprofessional comment in bigger words doesn't make the comment more professional, just more pretentious. There are some here that are okay, but a lot just shouldn't be said (like "I told you so").
    • ramesh31 4y ago
      This. The worst sin is the "I'm not saying X, but... (then proceeds describe a euphemized form of X)". Mentioning that you are not mentioning something is the most blatant form of passive aggression, and it's entirely counterproductive.
    • Deltion 4y ago
      I'm not sure why I should not. If I told someone something and they ignore it, potentially even multiple times why should I not say it?
      • grzm 4y ago
        What’s the likely outcome of doing so?* Why are you saying it? To show you were right? To make them feel stupid for not listening to you? How will you feel afterwards? How will they feel? How will that likely affect your interactions with them in the future? Maybe you're fine with the likely outcome. But maybe not. * And there’s a distinction between what’s likely to happen and what you think should happen. They’re not always the same thing.
      • bee_rider 4y ago
        It adds little value and is annoying to hear. If you make a prediction correctly, and it is ignored, then that's an indication that you should either make it more assertively next time, or you just can't work with this person. And anyway, some humbleness is due -- sometimes we think we've given good advice, but it ends up being somehow inapplicable to the problem for reasons that are outside our scope.
• xwdv 4y ago
  Not only are these very passive aggressive, some of them leave you with action items that I have no desire to carry out. If I say something isn’t my job, that’s the end of it, you hear me? I will certainly NOT be happy to waste my time helping you find someone else who can do it. Do your job.
  • orev 4y ago
    Depending on your career goals, being the person that everyone approaches for help on finding the right path is a very valuable thing. It means they see you as a leader who can work with other people to help them get things done. Having an attitude of “I don’t know and won’t make any effort to help you. Leave me alone” is going to negatively impact how people see you, and limit your growth potential in any company. Maybe that’s fine for you if you just want to write code, but it will stop you from obtaining even team lead type roles where you need to collaborate with others.
    • thfuran 4y ago
      But I don't think most of the rewordings suggested here are going to make people want to interact with you. They make you sound like you run your every utterance by HR, legal, and three teams of consultants but they won't keep you from seeming like an asshole.
    • chrsig 4y ago
      The tradeoff here being how much of your time are you willing to dedicate towards helping others, and for what level of task. As a general rule of thumb, I try to ask "Have you X, Y, or Z'd?" as a quick filter for if the person has engaged with the problem at all. A common example being "Do you know why I'm getting error message X?" "Have you checked the Y logs?" Ideally, people do some amount of leg work first and proactively state what they've done. Sometimes people will do the leg work, but need to be asked to share the context they've gathered. Sometimes people ask immediately, without any investigation of their own, because you might know and be able to save them time. Of course, having the full blown belligerent attitude of "I wont make any effort to help you" isn't very welcome, but "You should take a few hours to dive in, if you're still stuck, I'll set aside some time to take a look with you" is pretty reasonable.
• moralestapia 4y ago
  >I told you so >As per my prediction, this outcome does not come as a surprise. Whew ... that sounds quite arrogant and egoistical. I'd probably just say "you see, I told you so" with a very friendly attitude, almost as a joke, followed by "but it's fine, let's focus on how are we going to proceed now that ...".
  • XorNot 4y ago
    I think I've used "this wasn't a surprise" a fair amount.
  • notahacker 4y ago
    I agree that anyone uttering the entire phrase in isolation comes across as a pretentious douchebag. But "as per my prediction, revenues were below target again" or "x is not functioning correctly. This does not come as a surprise" is normal enough corporatespeak, and more polite than "I told you so" because it could mean other things.
• nathias 4y ago
  I think I heard most of the lines listed used word for word, but is professionalism just translating active agression into passive agression?
• tomasreimers 4y ago
  In case anyone wants to throw it into GPT-3: Blunt: You are overcomplicating this Polite: Being mindful of timelines. Let’s concentrate on the initial scope. Blunt: That meeting sounds like a waste of my time Polite: I’m unable to add value to this meeting but I would be happy to review the minutes. Blunt: I told you so Polite: As per my prediction, this outcome does not come as a surprise. Blunt: That sounds like a horrible idea Polite: Are we confident that this is the best solution or are we still exploring alternatives? Blunt: I already told you this Polite: As Indicated prior Blunt: Can you answer all of the questions I asked and not just pick and choose one Polite: Are you able to provide some clarity around the other questions previously asked? Blunt: Did you even read my email? Polite: Reattaching my email to provide further clarity I’ll provide an update when I have one Blunt: Stop bothering me Polite: You have not heard from me because further information is not available at this time, Once I have an update I’ll be sure to loop you in. Blunt: I don’t want to talk to you right now! Polite: I am currently tied up with something but I will connect with you once I am free. Blunt: Do your job! Polite: It is my understanding that you are the appropriate person to contact in regards to this. But If there’s is someone better equipped for this let me know. Blunt: That's not my job Polite: This falls outside of my responsibilities but I would be happy to connect you with someone who can help. Blunt: Stop assigning me so many tasks if you want any of them to get done Polite: As my workload is quite heavy, can you help me understand what I should reprioritize to accommodate this new task? Blunt: answer my emails Polite: If there’s a better way to get in contact with you please let me know as I am hoping to have this resolved as soon as possible Blunt: This is not my problem Polite: I recommend directing this issue to [Name] as they have the proper expertise to best assist you Blunt: If you would have read the whole email you’d know the answer to this Polite: I have included my initial email below which contains all of the details you are looking for. Blunt: I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about Polite: Can you help me better understand what exactly is it that you require on my end? Blunt: Stop micromanaging Polite: I am confident in my ability to complete this project and will be sure to reach out, If or when I require your input. Blunt: Please hurry and get this done! Polite: It is important that we have this completed in order to meet our targeted deadlines which are quickly approaching. Blunt: Stay in your own lane Polite: Thank you for your input. I’ll keep that in mind as I move forward with decisions that fall within my responsibilities Blunt: I’ve told you this multiple times Polite: There seems to be a disconnect here as this information has already been provided Blunt: I’m not doing your job for you Polite: I do not have the capacity to take this on in addition to my own workload but I’m happy to support where it makes sense. Blunt: We do not need to have a meeting about this. Polite: Being respectful of everyone's time let's discuss this through email until we have a more defined agenda Blunt: Did you just take credit for my work? Polite: It is great to see my ideas being exposed to a wider audience and I would have appreciated the opportunity to have been included in the delivery. Blunt: Google that your self Polite: The internet is a great resource for these types of questions and I am available to clarify elements that you are not able to find online. Blunt: What you are saying does not make sense Polite: We seem to have a different understanding on this. Can you elaborate further on your thought process here? Blunt: I am not paid enough to do this Polite: This falls out of my job description but if the opportunity for a role expansion becomes available I would be happy to discuss reworking my contract to better align with these new responsibilities Blunt: I totally forgot about your email Polite: Thank you for your patience Blunt: I'm going to need a whole lot of more information if you want me to do this Polite: Please let me know when further details become available as I require more information to successfully complete this task Blunt: Stop calling me before my workday even starts Polite: If you need to contact me, please note that my working hours being at 8 am and 6 pm. Communications received prior to this won't be seen. Blunt: Check your inbox, I already sent this to you! Polite: I previously sent you an email regarding that but please let me know if something went wrong in transit Blunt: I couldn't care less Polite: I will defer to your judgment on this as I am not passionate either way and I trust your expertise. Blunt: I told you so and now this is your problem Polite: I did previously note that this was a likely outcome. How do you plan to resolve this? Blunt: Stop trying to make me do your work! Polite: I am not able to offer you additional support in completing your workload
• oliv__ 4y ago
  This is the kind of veiled talk that I can't stand. I'm left trying to decipher whether the person is serious or what they mean exactly. If my idea sucks, just tell me so and we can talk about why, don't beat around the bush with ambiguous politically correct words.
• sqs 4y ago
  This is a great resource that'll be useful to many people. To the author, thank you for taking the time to write these down and put them online. It would be a fascinating sociological/psychological research project to go one level deeper and give a few variants of each response, noting the implications and nuanced differences in the connotation of each. For example, for "answer my emails", the author suggests: "If there’s a better way to get in contact with you please let me know as I am hoping to have this resolved as soon as possible". This is a totally valid and common way to say that. However, taken literally, it's silly! The person would need to read this email in order to know to suggest a different way to get in contact with the sender. Who's going to reply and say (basically) "I got your email, but please contact me with the same inquiry on (different contact method)"? Another way to rephrase "answer my emails" would be to say "Just checking: did this email get flagged by your spam filter?" It's similarly facially silly: if it was flagged as spam, then this followup would likely also be flagged as spam, so the recipient wouldn't see it. But it signals to the recipient that you don't/won't consider their slow reply to be their fault, which could increase your likelihood of getting a reply. And other things (eg the recipient doesn't want to be seen as having a dumb spam filter, short 1-question emails get the highest response rate, the recipient now has an opportunity to immediately help clear up a simple question--was the email flagged as spam--which is an immediate reward for them, etc.). Ah, the infinite complexity of human communication.
• krono 4y ago
  These lines are Dutch directness' kryptonite! The website could come in handy if I ever need to translate some of these theatrics back to human speech. The ability to switch the variants around would be a nice to have ;) Edit: removed unintentional rudeness, throwing OP a bone
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    Sounds like a good feature
  • nine_zeros 4y ago
    I love the Dutch style. This kind of double meaning statements every day takes a toll on me.
• frobozz 4y ago
  > stop calling me before my workday even starts In what circumstances would you use this phrase? If they are calling you out of hours, ignore it. They'll eventually get the message.
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    Definitely you would ignore it at that time, but you can basically send a message (like that or something else) once you are back to notify about why you were not able to respond at that given time.
    • frobozz 4y ago
      The thing is, "stop calling me" implies a pattern of behaviour you want them to break, not a one-off. If it's the first call from someone who doesn't know your working pattern, then you're not really saying "stop calling me", but genuinely telling them when you are available. Putting the details in your email signature works well if you have unconventional hours for your workplace. If it's someone close to you - e.g. line manager or team mate - then they know your hours, so responding by telling them what your hours are strikes me as less polite than simply saying "I wasn't working when you called, but here I am now."
• librish 4y ago
  I don't think I agree with most of these. The professional way to say "I told you so" is to not say it. If there are specific action items you can bring them up in a post mortem without pointing fingers. If you feel like you genuinely need to let people know that something wasn't your fault (which would be a bit of an organizational red flag) that's an action item for you to make sure your interjections are more visible next time.
  • mattcwilson 4y ago
    Agree. Haven’t gone through the whole list, but the first few strike me as avoidance wrapped in fancy jargon. I think a direct, kind, but clear and unambiguous response would go a lot farther. Followed by a suggestion, to demonstrate you’re not just complaining, you’re trying to be helpful. To your point about culture: feeing like you couldn’t say any of the following probably says a lot about either the environment, or about your own comfort with candor. You are overcomplicating this -> This sounds overcomplicated to me. Have you considered X instead? That meeting sounds like a waste of my time -> Can you clarify what you’re hoping for from me being in this meeting? Can I read the notes, or send feedback async instead? I told you so -> (Ask yourself why you want to even say this. Then, don’t say it, and say the why instead.) 1. “Well, that’s a shame. Are you looking for suggestions on next steps?” 2. “Should we go back and consider plan X?” 3. “What did we learn from this outcome?”
  • saila 4y ago
    I've seen it happen often enough that someone's concerns are summarily ignored that I don't think you can always blame the person raising issues for not being loud or visible enough. The way this often goes down is that someone who is perceived as more senior will push something through, steamrolling right over well-formed interjections. If someone lower on the org chart tries to make more noise than the steam roller, the consequences can be quite bad for them. If something then fails as predicted, why shouldn't that be noted? If someone has expertise that was ignored, that should be taken into account in the future, and part of the post mortem should be figuring out why their expertise was ignored. The thing is, it should probably be noted by management or whoever is in the chain of responsibility and probably not by the person who was ignored, but management often doesn't want to admit mistakes of this type. So what do you do then? How is it constructive to ignore a glaring issue in your planning and decision making process?
• jasode 4y ago
  A meta observation about the replies: - Group 1 : These alternatives suggestions are great! - Group 2 : These alternatives sound like corporate-drone-speak that are passive-aggressive and condescending. The differences in perception seems like a unintended Rorschach Test. The differing interpretations looks like a worthy candidate for somebody's PhD psych research paper. Conclusion: Projecting an intended tone to a universal audience is hard. Possibly unresolvable.
  • ryandrake 4y ago
    I mean, it's both: They are all great (I've used many of them in the past) AND it's stupid that we have to use polite euphemistic speech at work! I wish I could tell people at work "Check your goddamn E-mail, this is the third time I've asked you to do your job!" or "Can you stop talking? You're derailing this fucking meeting!" but we can't if we expect our careers to go anywhere besides the basement. I think another awesome translator would be the reverse: When someone tells you something in corporate-drone-speak that sounds CorporateUpbeat, help me to figure out what it's really saying. Is this person really happy, or are they seething with rage at something I did, and can't articulate their anger in a work setting without coating it with passive aggressive euphemisms?
    • mattcwilson 4y ago
      If someone needed to tell you to check your email, or stop interrupting the meeting, how would you want them to do it? How would you want to have others see you being told that?
      • ryandrake 4y ago
        "Hey, [name], could you check your E-mail? Your TPS report was due yesterday!" I mean, it's not offensive, and if I did screw up, I would want to know clearly and directly that I screwed up. I've worked in a blue collar setting where people were direct and unambiguous. "You need to put the wrench back after you're done using it." is much better than "I would like to encourage you to address the speed at which you submit your TPS reports, given our well understood weekly cadence."
• AlbertCory 4y ago
  "Professionally" might be rephrased as "approved use of corporate speak." Anytime anyone uses the words "unable", "reach out", "elaborate", "expertise" or "input" you know they're bucking for promotion, as they say in the military. You need to translate another phrase: "You are sucking up."
• sn41 4y ago
  What a bunch of threatening gobbledygook. I'd be truly frightened if this was the tone of all the emails I get from my boss.
• ComradePhil 4y ago
  Seems like they are stolen from TikTok channel @loewhaley... or the other way around.
  • paulcole 4y ago
    Yes, these are hers, minus the “moist” jokes. They do credit her at the bottom of the page at least. https://www.tiktok.com/@loewhaley https://www.tiktok.com/@loewhaley
    • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
      Yes, I have mentioned the credits on both the website and on the project's README (https://github.com/AkashRajpurohit/howtoprofessionallysay/#credits- https://github.com/AkashRajpurohit/howtoprofessionallysay/#c...)
      • paulcole 4y ago
        Yes, that’s what I said lol.
      • MasterScrat 4y ago
        I somehow feel these credits are not prominent enough. For people not familiar with her content, take a look e.g. here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CcDPE1MOIBT/ https://www.instagram.com/p/CcDPE1MOIBT/ This project is not just inspired by her work, but takes her jokes verbatim in written format. I you quote people, you're supposed to use quotation marks. Of course if this is a collaboration, things are different, but it's not clear that it is.
        • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
          I understand where you're coming from, this is not a collaboration but as you mentioned, the content is presented in written format which is a bit more easily searchable. These are just some phrases and not "quoting people's thoughts", I did not consider adding quotation marks to each phrase. I have added relevant credits every place possible (on web as well as code repo). I'll be happy to make the intent more clear if you have any ideas on how you would feel it can be best represented.
• harrisonjackson 4y ago
  I hope that junior engineers/employees take all of these with a grain of salt. You can't skip meetings because you won't add to them. Part of your job is to observe and learn.
• hollowturtle 4y ago
  Oh cmon seriously? Did we really need a guide? I’m not arguing you shouldnt be professional, rather scared of a future where we all talk like bots with no emotions. Are we so fu**d up?
  • jafo 4y ago
    > Are we so fu*d up? "Is the alternative way to express these sentiments?"
• ozzythecat 4y ago
  Many of these statements come off as being passive aggressive, but to the authors credit, sometimes you don’t have much else to respond back with, or just don’t engage at all, which can cause its own issues. What made me chuckle a bit is how real these situations were on a daily basis at Amazon, and how I’d write an email or Chime message only to rewrite it and discard it… “hmm, how do I respond without being passive aggressive? How do I keep my mental sanity?”
  • mattcwilson 4y ago
    I disagree - I think it’s possible to respond to each of these situations with a clear, kind, and direct response. I think the underlying issue is more that, yes, if you’re already feeling like saying any of the original messages, communication and understanding is probably already damaged. Which makes it a higher degree of difficulty challenge to put things back on better footing. Good communication definitely takes practice. Maintaining positive intent and respecting the other person’s humanity and feelings is vital.
• ryandrake 4y ago
  George Carlin had a great bit[1] about our continuous need to soften our language with euphemisms. That, combined with a kind of forced optimism: needing to hide all negativity inside robotic passive aggression, is what communication has become in a lot of corporations. I don't imagine anyone actually likes having to do it, but we all seem to adopt these speech patterns eventually. Every time your boss tells you, "Hey, can you tone it down next time? Fred told me he was very offended by your asking him to do his job!"-- you're being asked to participate in the game. 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuEQixrBKCc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuEQixrBKCc
  • throwaway821909 4y ago
    The euphemism treadmill is real but I disagree with Carlin's point that calling it shell shock rather than PTSD would have helped Vietnam veterans - when we called it shell shock in WW1 it was associated with cowardice and weakness, I think calling it PTSD was an attempt to break from that and frame it as a legitimate medical condition that merits being discharged/treated.
• ramesh31 4y ago
  I've gotten into a habit over the years of exclusively using "We" in reference to anything code related, even if it's something I wrote entirely myself. The diffusion of "we" versus "I" allows you talk about things much more objectively and openly. And it really helps to maintain a blameless culture. This also extends to "You", so I'd never tell a junior "You did this poorly, you should fix this". It's always "We should find a better solution, what are your suggestions?".
  • unmole 4y ago
    I tend to use we when the context is positive or neutral but I when something is clearly my fault.
    • bittercynic 4y ago
      This is the way. People notice (and it just feels better) when you absorb blame but share credit. Then again, maybe I've just been lucky to work in reasonably OK environments so far.
• motohagiography 4y ago
  The essence of these is how you set boundaries for yourself, while a) not threatening the percieved power of the person you are speaking to, and b) expressing needs in terms of appealing to some shared principle of professionalism. The challenge with flat organizations is they reward bullying because they lack recourse to principle and positional authority. This communication style is necessary for navigating them, and it's how most educated people in orgs communicate these days, as they higher you go up the org chart, the higher the percentage of your time is spent essentially just navigating power. While I see people reacting to the passive aggression in these phrases, that's literally how managers communicate. Bureaucracy is passive aggressive warfare and a power struggle where people try to subordinate and make others accountable to them. Sometimes someone is only asking you for something because they want to set you up as a blocker for their project to both get more time and blame it on you, or you are being added to something because the person who failed at it needs to add stakeholders to diffuse accountability for the failure - bureaucracies are systems of alien incentives, and the people in them must often operate according to objectively insane rules. If you want to stop this stuff, learn to lead and make sure your org doesn't default to this, or start your own company, and make a place that doesn't run like this. When I've seen leaders mystified at how their orgs got like this, it was because when they asked everyone to find ways to work together without the toxic culture, they didn't take ownership and set the example, and everyone just interpreted it as, "hide how you are doing this."
• vessenes 4y ago
  Hey Akash, I like the idea of giving people some help expressing themselves at work. You might be interested to learn about the Power Distance Index, and the body of work on PDI and work culture. You’ll see if you read the comments here that some people are like “the alternatives are bullshit corporate speak and infuriate me”, and some are like “yes, at last, a way to help people be more polite / better communicators”. There’s a smattering of “this is passive aggressive” thrown in. One of the broad pitches PDI at work types make is that the lower the PDI, the more direct communications are preferred; the higher, the more ‘diplomatic’ the communications are preferred. My vibe on your list is that it’s just a tad more diplomatic than Silicon Valley wants to be, hence the slight negative ‘passive aggressive’ reactions. Some of the lowest PDI countries in the world are Israel, and many Northern European countries, and it fits my experience that in those places additional respect is given for bluntness - as Jan Maas in Ted Lasso says “I’m not rude, I’m Dutch.” As a broad stereotype using the alternate wordings you give would be a sign you are not someone to be respected in that environment. On the other hand, Saudi Arabia’s PDI is high, and I would bet that some of your alternate list there would still be much too rude; just a guess, I haven’t worked in Saudi. Anyway, thanks again for this; if you stay interested, you might consider reworking this into different ‘cultural norms’ lists to help people acclimate / go both ways; at that point, I think it would be a very broadly useful resource.
  • deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    Thank you for sharing your insights and information about PDI (will be looking more in depth about this), and I agree with what you mentioned how based on demographics and the relationship between the two person can totally change how you communicate with them. The basic intent of the project was to curate a list of things what you might feel like saying vs how you can say it (more professionally I guess) Would be happy to see how the data can be improved which can be better suited for majority of people.
    • exikyut 4y ago
• titzer 4y ago
  Having been on the receiving end of "I'm not sure we really understand what is going on here" more than a few times, from specific people, I was able to decode this eventually. I'm still not sure how I feel about it, but it definitely was less jarring to hear those words instead of "you don't know what you are talking about."
• chasing 4y ago
  Speak like an empathic human being, not like an asshole, not like a robot.
• civilized 4y ago
  This version of "professionalism" has the stereotypical West Coast problem: the message it claims to be sending gets not only lost in translation, but distorted into something more superficially inoffensive, but underneath that, more opaque and manipulative. It encourages indirection and avoidance rather than respectful candor. Let's start with the first example. The polite way to say "you are overcomplicating this" is "I think this could be simpler". Not "let's concentrate on initial scope", which isn't remotely the same thing in general. The latter is less generally applicable (how do we know there was an initial scope?), less specific (why stick to initial scope?), and more prescriptive ("let's do this" instead of "I listened to your idea and this is what I think of it"). Now, being less specific and more prescriptive may be some people's idea of effective self-interested corporate behavior, since it works to minimize your vulnerabilities and maximize the obligations of others. But I think communication is more meaningful, effective, and respectful if you explain how you evaluate others' ideas (which implies you at least gave them the respect of listening) before just telling them what to do. They're not all bad though! I definitely think "that's a horrible idea" is productively replaced with some version of "I have these concerns" or "I think there may be better alternatives". It's generally good to avoid terms that communicate nothing but negative affect and instead communicate whatever ideas that prompted the negative affect. EDIT: another comment mentions Power-Distance Index, which is part of a broader cultural dimensions theory. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hofstede%27s_cultural_dimensions_theory https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hofstede%27s_cultural_dimens... Apparently I have a very strong preference for low PDI culture, as do most of you. But it's good to be aware that that's not universal and our style may require adaptation for success with diverse audiences.
  • ChangeTheory 4y ago
    That's because he copied it from a West Coaster: https://www.instagram.com/loewhaley/ https://www.instagram.com/loewhaley/
  • dagmx 4y ago
    While I agree with the rest of your point, I don't think it's a West coast thing. Personally I find it across the range of the US (and of course other countries), but people in different areas will phrase it differently where the meaning can be clearer/lost depending on the familiarity with both the phrasing of the sentence and the culture of the person (I.e I find people in southern US will sugarcoat things differently but it's harder/easier to pickup depending on your familiarity with it).
• thenoblesunfish 4y ago
  Very practically useful (if you insist on saying these things, at all) but should come with some indication of which culture or (global) industry this advice is tuned to. I think these seem like what I would expect as an American (slightly passive aggressive, offering to “help” just as way to put things in someone else’s court), but for example (as per countless memes) if you were Dutch you might be expected to be more direct, if British even less direct.
• bushnugget 4y ago
  I enjoyed this, mostly because I refuse to play the corporate-speak games. I have grown weary of the overuse of diluted buzzwords, undefined acronyms, and email posturing to signal importance. As a sysadmin, I don't care about how important you SAY your application is. If your team didn't pay for the corresponding SLA, too bad. If your team didn't follow the lead time policy for changes to production hosts, too bad. If your team doesn't know who else to reach out to, that doesn't make me your "yellow pages". This is just trying to shove planning/work that isn't mine down my throat with corporate action words. I've taken to using a "blunt-ish" approach. It may not be the best for my career, but at least I don't feel like a passive drone being railroaded. Example: THEM: We really need this config changed on our prod servers for our app deployment to be successful. We have raised CHG1234 for this to be done this afternoon. Please do the needful on priority. ME: Production changes require a 2 week lead time, you need to resubmit this change in accordance with this policy. <link-to-policy> THEM: How can we escalate? We cannot wait 2 weeks. ME: ... I just don't respond any further. I give them the exact reason for the "no" and don't engage with the rest of their badgering. EVERYTHING else they will respond with is an attempt to manipulate me into violating policy for their benefit, with no credit for me saving the day, yet all of the risk if I don't. Nope.
  • chrsig 4y ago
    > I just don't respond any further. I give them the exact reason for the "no" and don't engage with the rest of their badgering. EVERYTHING else they will respond with is an attempt to manipulate me into violating policy for their benefit, with no credit for me saving the day, yet all of the risk if I don't. I don't think this is really any better. Going unresponsive doesn't wind up improving anything. Not to say that you should cave, but a "if there are any questions or issues with the policy, please take it up with <manager>" let's the other person know that you're disengaging. Otherwise they're in a situation along the lines of "I asked how we could escalate, but I haven't heard back. I don't know if they haven't read my message yet or just aren't responding for some reason" If you're in this situation, there's a disconnect between policy and process that needs to be resolved. Let the management demonstrate their "leadership" skills.
• voldacar 4y ago
  These remind me of Orwell's "Objective consideration of contemporary phenomena compels the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account."
• darthrupert 4y ago
  I realize there’s a lot of cultural differences at play here. Still, some of these professionalisms are blatant lying in my opinion and should be discouraged. E.g. ”I totally forgot your email” vs ”thank you for your patience”. Owning your mistakes is what pros do and deflecting blame is not.
• williadc 4y ago
  In my last performance review, the primary feedback is that I'm too blunt in emails, so I've bookmarked this site. Thanks for creating this.
• kevmo314 4y ago
  All the other comments here seem to be criticizing the OP whereas I thought this site was pretty funny. That's a professional way to say: I'm pretty sure this site is satire. Just look at the source Instagram, it's meant to be funny/relatable. Not actual advice. https://www.instagram.com/loewhaley/ https://www.instagram.com/loewhaley/
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    I should probably add this to the site.
  • Noumenon72 4y ago
    Ah, OK. I read this as serious in the vein of the Military to Business Translation Guide (https://imgur.com/gallery/MO9Oo https://imgur.com/gallery/MO9Oo?, strong language)
    • jcadam 4y ago
      Oh that stuff is funny, but after getting my first "real" job after leaving the military, I actually found it difficult to determine if my boss was happy with the work I was doing. In the military, you usually have several people let you know immediately and in very direct language when you screw up :)
  • deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
• lazyant 4y ago
  I don't know if this is satire or not but rather than "professional" this is passive-aggressive wording.
• daenz 4y ago
  These are great, but a few still have some "sting" on them that would set off people who are very attuned to language.
  • chrsig 4y ago
    s/are very attuned to language/can read past passive aggressive corpspeak
• hashtag-til 4y ago
  Are we confident that this is the best solution or are we still exploring alternatives?
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    I see what you did there, cracked me up
• gotamas 4y ago
  I think the two versions here should say rude vs. passive aggressive. I don't see any professional or collegial in most of the answers. The only difference is that passive aggressive versions are harder to understand and see through
• aghilmort 4y ago
  turn these into a browser extension
• gotaquestion 4y ago
  Bookmarked! Also, there is a long form of this called "Difficult Conversations", which is a really good book for handling all sorts of complicated issues, both at work and at home. Strongly recommended.
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    Thanks for sharing this, looking forward to reading it.
• n4bz0r 4y ago
  > I totally forgot about your email > Thank you for your patience Gave me a little chuckle :) I figure this "corp-speak" is supposed to help to deliver the message clearly while milding the confrontation down insensibly. Some of the proposed lines, merely repharsed into a colder, official tone, aren't too great at that. But this one is quite clever!
• CyanDeparture 4y ago
  I'm not sure I agree with most of these, it's not the way I'd go about them, but also I don't see what I do in the comments so I'll add my own hopefully unique perspective here. For example with: "you are overcomplicating this" I would put it in the 3rd person or include myself in the problem, and I would apologise at the start for saying something negative, so I would say for example: "Sorry, but I think we're overcomplicating this, what do we think about the following idea..." I've found that works fantastically because I'm sort of saying I'm wrong or have caused an issue (I haven't) and they're included in my suggested solution (they're not really) so it makes a great way to change peoples minds (if you don't mind pretending you're having a bad idea too and giving them credit for yours). I apply this to everything and it works great. You get a lot of people taking credit for your good ideas, but I don't mind if it means the solution is better.
  • coffeefirst 4y ago
    Yes. You can be kind and speak plainly at the same time. It’s really not that hard.
    • jka 4y ago
      I mostly agree, but for the sake of argument, I do wonder how much time and emotional energy is spent developing and articulating those kind & plain responses in situations where the {requests/demands} that prompted them were unreasonable in the first place. (if the onus moves to the demand-makers instead, then perhaps we can improve workplace cultures and find something more like the root cause(s))
  • dsugarman 4y ago
    It's not really disingenuous if you look at it from another perspective that you really are a team. It's generally productive to try to position things from the same side of the table rather than opposing sides of the table. It's cooperation instead of competition. In your example you're not attacking someone else's suggestion, you're evaluating your teams current path, you're removing ego which removes defensiveness.
  • ErrantX 4y ago
• quadcore 4y ago
  How to professionally say "I cant do this (technically)"
  • tofflos 4y ago
    I don't know how to solve this problem. Is there someone on the team that can help me?
  • punkspider 4y ago
    This is out of my area of expertise.
• sandruso 4y ago
  Internally I don’t want message to be sugar coated. Criticize my performance with whatever language, be direct and make sure personal boundaries are not crossed. In other words, make it clear that everybody focus on performance not the person. A question is whether this is scalable anybody with some experience? Edit: typo
• delaaxe 4y ago
  Relevant "corporate speak" https://youtu.be/4ab2ZeZ-krY https://youtu.be/4ab2ZeZ-krY
• amznbyebyebye 4y ago
  Some of these are quite confrontational and still come across as unprofessional. This has a very boomer feel to it. I think Gen Z will just say the what they want instead of applying a professional filter.
• aspaviento 4y ago
  I think there's no need to overcomplicate those answers. You can be direct with your message without coming as aggressive. This is basic conflict management: don't focus on the person, focus on the problem. Examples: You are overcomplicating this this is unnecessarily complex. That meeting sounds like a waste of my time if I'm not necessary for this meeting, I would rather do X I told you so this is what we talked that could happen, remember?
• jmyeet 4y ago
  These tend to be better than the alternative but let me warn you: people know what you actually mean and it'll be treated almost as negatively over time. I didn't look at all of these but this one stuck out: > I told you so > As per my prediction, this outcome does not come as a surprise. Don't say this. It's just as bad and really negative. It's not even passive aggressive. It's just aggressive.
  • soared 4y ago
    Agreed. On the other hand its very possible to rephrase these much better than the site lists, and doing so earns you respect. In a meeting full of people where 1 person overcomplicates an issue, everyone on the call will know 1 person is overcomplicating it. If you say "Being mindful of timelines. Let’s concentrate on the initial scope." you move the meeting forward but come off as a jerk. If you say "Those are good thoughts - lets make note of them and circle back at the end of the call" you've moved the meeting forward, the 1 person feels heard and doesn't hate you, and everyone else silently thanks you for skipping the overcomplicated person.
• deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
• ergocoder 4y ago
  Most of these are more like "how to create arch enemy at work" Every time you say those versions of "I told you so", you create one extra arch enemy
• jmbwell 4y ago
  I hope this is a joke. This sort of corporate garbage language is a scourge. No need to be rude, no need to fill the space with pseudo-professional gibberish. Just speak plainly.
• Skunkleton 4y ago
  Are we confident that this is the best solution or are we still exploring alternatives?
• traceroute66 4y ago
  I'm sorry but all these are pointless waffle that don't serve any purpose or achieve the goal. For example... A whole bunch of them are just a longer version of making yourself sound like an utter twat, e.g. "I told you so" vs "As per my prediction, this outcome does not come as a surprise." .... to the listener both equal "you're a twat". Then a whole bunch of others just open scope for further problems, e.g. "that meeting sounds like a waste of time" -> "waffle...I would be happy to read the minutes" ..... cue colleague coming back to you asking why you have not read the minutes / for your opinion on the minutes. Finally, as others have commented, it's all very Americanised and would likely not work in "no BS" cultures elsewhere in the world.
• lvass 4y ago
  This is disgusting. I wouldn't want to work with people offended by simple and direct speech, and even less if they'd be fine with a sugarcoated version like this instead. I feel sorry for anyone who has to talk like this, if I were to create a company, it'd never reach this point.
  • baby 4y ago
    Really? I hate working with people who are just being agressive when they talk to me.
  • ghusto 4y ago
    I'm so glad someone said it. This version of _""professionalism""_ needs double double-quotes, before being killed and dumped in the sea. Being the most bland, safe, manipulative version of yourself isn't being professional, it's cowardice and soul destroying. Why do people think "professional" means pretending to be someone else?
  • criddell 4y ago
    I don’t think it’s all sugarcoating, some of the suggestions are just better ways to say something. For example, the first item is you are overcomplicating this. Saying it that way sounds like you are expressing an objective fact rather than an opinion. Instead, saying let’s concentrate on initial scope is not only more diplomatic, it suggests a path to fix the problem.
• CSDude 4y ago
  This is how many people survive and get promoted in a large enterprise. One of the reasons I quit my job.
• mdb31 4y ago
  Ah, yes, the same kind of guide that brought us "how to professionally respond to outages"... With classics like "We recognize the incident", "a small subset of customers", "degraded performance" and "the next update (which will be the exact same meaningless drivel as the current 'update') will be in 60 minutes". Don't we just love those? So let's add more of that to the shared vocabulary of IT professionals! Or... let's just not? In writing, always avoid clichés. Whether it's "do the needful", "by utilizing" or "we did not live up to our customer's expectations", there is one simple rule: if you've seen the exact same sentence or expression before in the exact same context in the last week or so, you should probably avoid it. And if that makes you unsure what exactly to say, just type what you mean, then get an editor before posting it to your blog or incident report. And if it's time-sensitive, then just ask for forgiveness later, not permission upfront (which is also a cliché but reworded, see what I did there?)
  • omginternets 4y ago
    I’m so glad I work in a place that emphasizes benevolent directness. In fact, I’m so far removed from this kind of lingo that I have to ask: is this website an accurate depiction of how people communicate in other organizations? Or is this a caricature?
    • mdb31 4y ago
      Nope, not a caricature. Read, for example https://www.atlassian.com/engineering/post-incident-review-april-2022-outage https://www.atlassian.com/engineering/post-incident-review-a... This is held up as a great example of transparent communication. For me, this is true, but only for the meaning of 'transparent' which equates to 'you can see right through it, to the extent there is effectively nothing there'. But as per the article this comment thread is about, this kind of response apparently the 'professional' state-of-the-art. Yes, I despair too...
      • omginternets 4y ago
        I think I was unclear. I always assumed (perhaps foolishly) that this kind of communication was the result of some sort of PR committee, and was mostly found in outward-facing communications. Are you saying that colleagues interact this was amongst themselves too? Because _that_ would indeed be despairing.
• elilev 4y ago
  Passive aggressive language is not leadership.
• Copenjin 4y ago
  Most of these are just passive aggressive versions of the original, maybe more blunt, comment. The effect on me would be the opposite of what the author expects. Totally unprofessional, remember that you are usually among adults, not kids. Don't be blunt but don't even use this alternative style. Both will get you fired eventually. My simple suggestion, when something is wrong, make it about us, don't target the individual and try to propose a plan to fix the issue/situation. That's the way to handle conflict, we work together, let's fix issues.
• cde-v 4y ago
  AKA How to tread lightly around the irrelevant dinosaurs in your office.
  • ghusto 4y ago
    I find the people my age (old) can take a lot of crap, whereas I'm treading on eggshells with the young engineers.
• marcodiego 4y ago
  I once had to bring the news that about half a team would lose their jobs. So, in Brazil we have what is called "aviso prévio"; by our rules, your employer must put you under "aviso prévio" (advance notice) for a time before deciding to fire you. Because of some bureaucracy, the whole team was under advance notice but now I just got the news of who was to be fired and I had to give the team such news. It was a very cohesive, young, talented team and everybody behaved like a family. Definitely not an easy task. I wanted to say: - I'm not guilty of this, I didn't chose who. - Half of the team will be fired. - It is all right if you want to point a finger. - They're doing a bad thing because they don't know how talented you are. Since I had to do it in a meeting which also included the bosses, this is how I said it: - I don't know the criteria used, but it is not my job to contest or specify it. Whoever did it, I'm sure had a though task doing so. - About 50% of the team was chosen to continue under "advance notice". - Last meeting, everybody got together to comment on the situation and I'm sure it will happen again because it is just unavoidable. - Talking for myself, independent of who was chosen, I can say that there is absolutely no doubt about your skills.
  • ErrantX 4y ago
    It makes me so sad that people get fired in team meetings of any size... Not your fault, I am sure - and I much prefer your version of the meeting! But it should always be a personal conversation with HR support.
• fargle 4y ago
  Wrapping everything in a euphemism does not make it more professional. Finding a way to speak clearly and truthfully without being outright rude, as appropriate for the culture and situation, is important. Speaking up when necessary is important. But it's a lot more nuanced than phrase substitution. Some of these are pretty good. Some would make you sound extremely passive-aggressive. Some of them imply your own attitude problem ("I told you so..."). A lot are most professionally handled by saying nothing at all. While it is important to speak up truthfully when there would be some positive outcome for you or me or your team, some of these fall into a category where the best outcome is to leave it. It's either irrelevant, unhelpful, or a self-solving dilemma ;-) Pretend Nice ! => Professional - you're fooling no one
  • thebeardisred 4y ago
    Thank you for framing the point about sounding passive aggressive better than I was prepared to. :smile:
  • BeetleB 4y ago
    > Wrapping everything in a euphemism does not make it more professional. We may have very different definitions of "euphemism", but I do not see saying "I’m unable to add value to this meeting but I would be happy to review the minutes." instead of "That meeting sounds like a waste of my time" as a euphemism. The benefit of the former is that you are signaling an openness to being wrong. The latter doesn't imply you're right, but nor is it signaling an invitation to disagree. In my experience, when people (including me) say the latter, they are wrong about 50% of the times - there often is something in the meeting that made it useful. Stating it is a waste of my time will come across as arrogant (justified or otherwise). Even saying "I'm not sure there's value in meeting. What are you hoping to gain from this meeting?" is better than "I think it's a waste of my time".
    • fargle 4y ago
      Agree. That was one of the better examples. Saying "That meeting sounds like a waste of my time" is pretty rude. To me the euphemism part is "I’m unable to add value to this meeting" which means "I don't see the need for me to attend this meeting". Your examples are better too. Adding a question to ensure you've not misread the situation is absolutely the right thing: "I don't see the need for me to attend this meeting, is there something you needed me for?"
• efitz 4y ago
  A couple of the suggested answers are in passive voice. IMO in addition to being poor stylistically in business communications, passive voice conveys apathy and disclaims responsibility. In some of these cases that may be the intent but as other examples show there are ways to do that without passive voice.
• grensley 4y ago
  If someone says the original, I'd assume they're impolite but good at their job, If someone says the "corrected" version, I'd assume they're impolite, but bad at their job.
• VirgilShelton 4y ago
  This is awesome! Bookmarked!
• debarshri 4y ago
  When I start reading the phrases and their corresponding responses. It gives me jitters because I have been in an org that used very similar language and I often connect that language to a toxic work environment and office politics. I have worked in netherlands for dutch orgs, I love the fact that communication is direct, people communicate directly. You don't have read between the lines, if something has to be done, it said as it. There is BS in an org. There is toxic politics per say. It could be just be me but I think an org could work efficiently if there was no reading between the lines and communication was to the point.
• punkspider 4y ago
  This will be very useful when using with GPT-3. Thanks so much! Some examples generated using the site title and tagline in the beginning of the prompt, confidence 0, and the first 3 samples. Some are misses, but it can be tweaked to come in very useful when I don't know how to provide constructive criticism or feedback. There is a fly in my soup: I’m afraid there is something in this food that shouldn’t be here. Fuck you: I strongly disagree with your approach/decision. You make me cringe: Your delivery makes me feel uncomfortable. I never loved you: Our relationship was purely professional. I am so tired of all your fucking meetings: I’m not able to attend all the meetings you’re scheduling. Can we review which ones I can be of most help with? I'm fed up with all these dumb "coaching" courses: I’ve taken a number of courses on this topic and I’m not convinced that this is the most effective use of my time. I'd like to end our contract as you have been late for the deadline twice and haven't even given me a heads up: I regret to inform you that I will be terminating our contract as of today.
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    Wow, this is great, surely GPT-3 can provide more sophisticated results and can also help in improving the data set here. Would really appreciate if you would, could run the current data set through GPT-3 and share your results? You can share it via opening an issue here (https://github.com/AkashRajpurohit/howtoprofessionallysay/issues https://github.com/AkashRajpurohit/howtoprofessionallysay/is...), so it becomes a bit easier to track
  • cbozeman 4y ago
    This is hilarious.
    • ahmedalsudani 4y ago
      It's no longer possible to comment on https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30914209 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30914209, but I want you to know that is the funniest thing I have read on this website and is possibly my favourite. Logged in today specifically to re-read it. Reserving opinion on how much I agree with the sentiment :)
• GnomeSaiyan 4y ago
  Y'all are getting worked up over nothing. All these sayings were taken directly off of a TikToker's/Instagrammer's posts. They're all basically just light humor.
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    It's just how humans interact, I am happy to see both positive and negative feedbacks here, maybe it shows that there is scope of having such a project, and it could be taken seriously. I started this as just a fun weekend activity, but I might proofread the data and take some help to make it better and convenient for others.
  • SpikeMeister 4y ago
    Yup. Originals: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLGoHyTy/ https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLGoHyTy/
• mrfusion 4y ago
  Now we need one for spouses … (not joking)
• shimonabi 4y ago
  If you were taught English as a second language in school like me, this is both helpful and hilarious: https://www.worldaccent.com/blog/2011/05/british-translation-not-bad.html https://www.worldaccent.com/blog/2011/05/british-translation...
• todd3834 4y ago
  These all seem highly passive aggressive in this context. So much so that it is actually entertaining to read.
• 867-5309 4y ago
  how to split professionally an infinitive
• okasaki 4y ago
  IMO A lot of the fixed professional ones would still be way too spicy to use in the UK. Many seem to imply a bad relationship or dissatisfaction with a coworker. I would never [again] talk to a coworker about this. I would either ignore it or talk to my manager.
• webkike 4y ago
  If someone said to me “As per my prediction, this outcome does not come as a surprise” I would not like them very much
• elcapitan 4y ago
  I would think of this as kind of a translation table between one communication culture and another, which might come in handy. I'm used to work with people from different cultures in a team and in my head just transpose whatever they say based on their culture. If an American tells me "Are we confident that this is the best solution or are we still exploring alternatives?" then I'm automatically translating it to "this is complete shit". When someone from Eastern Europe tells me "this is complete shit", I translate it into "hm this looks weird, care to explain?". Plus minus individual adjustments based on my experience with that person. But there's one thing I never do, and that is taking this kind of communication literally, and therefore I don't really care about flowery language, passive-aggressive clichees, or maybe a little negativity on the other side of the spectrum.
• proc0 4y ago
  Are we confident that this is the best solution or are we still exploring alternatives?
• musesum 4y ago
  Much of conflict is avoided when switching from 2nd person to 1st person point of view: 1) you're not delivering on time 2) I see a delay in progress for 1), the speaker interjects an implicit judgment which the receiver has to defend against or quietly accept under duress. for 2), the topic shifts from the receiver to the work; both parties are on the same team working towards the same goal.
  • jimkleiber 4y ago
    Yes! Exactly what I was thinking. Also to take it even further, shifting into the 1st-person emotional. 1) you're not delivering on time 2) I see a delay in progress...3) I feel frustrated that the project is not yet done. or go even further and include the 2nd-person (imagined and uncertain) emotional... 4) I feel frustrated that the project is not yet done and I imagine maybe you're feeling frustrated as well or maybe overwhelmed, I don't know. I find 4 works SO well. especially if I add a 5th version in there, including a phrase to express love/care/unity... 5) I feel frustrated that the project is not yet done and I imagine maybe you're feeling frustrated as well or maybe overwhelmed, I don't know. I just want to let you know that I'm here for you.
• sdwvit 4y ago
• karmakaze 4y ago
  I told you so. -> As per my prediction, this outcome does not come as a surprise. Is "Being mindful of timelines. Let’s concentrate on the initial scope." better than "You're overcomplicating this" to describe the above transformation? Seriously though, I think these soft phrasings might be useful for talking to non-technical types or more junior devs. For senior+ devs, I prefer plain-speak.
• cr1pablo 4y ago
  So useful for me as non-native English speaker. Sometimes it's difficult to know how rude your affirmations sound
• jimkleiber 4y ago
  I've been thinking to start a podcast about how to improve the quality of our communication, especially in different cultural contexts. I'm wondering, would any of you want to listen to a podcast where someone helps people change how they speak, almost like a Dr. Phil meets Marshall Rosenberg (nonviolent communication guy)?
• BasDirks 4y ago
  Well written but too hostile.
• hemmert 4y ago
  Very nice! It reminds me of Frank Rausch‘s and Timm Kekeritz‘ beautiful chart: https://twitter.com/frankrausch/status/966252757815570432 https://twitter.com/frankrausch/status/966252757815570432
• geocrasher 4y ago
  I find that the majority of these suggestions take a needlessly adversarial approach. I lack the energy to write more right now, but overall a collaborative approach should be taken. Here's my version of the first dozen or so: - You are overcomplicating this Wow, You've put a lot of thought into this- that's great! I think we can probably simplify it a bit though. What do you think? - That meeting sounds like a waste of my time Is attendance mandatory? I'm not sure what I'll be able to bring to the table on this one. - I told you so (Silence is golden) - That sounds like a horrible idea That would probably work if $thing were true, but in this case I don't think it'll apply. What do you think? Also this is closely related to "That won't work!" which I wrote about on my blog some time back: https://meetryanflowers.com/that-wont-work/ https://meetryanflowers.com/that-wont-work/ - I already told you this Oh, I think this is something we already covered. Did you you remember when we talked about $this? - Can you answer all of the question I asked and not just pick and choose one? OK, so for $question, you're saying $this. What do you think about $otherquestion(s)? - Did you even read my email? Oh, I think I actually covered this in the email I sent this morning - is $emailsubject not what you're referring to? - Stop bothering me I really wish I had a better answer right now, but I simply don't. Feel free to check with me later today, but as soon as I hear back on this I'll definitely keep you in the loop. - Do your job! Oh, I thought you were the right person to go to for this. Who should I be talking to instead? - That's not my job Oh, I don't know the answer to that, I usually don't deal with $thing. Have you talked to so-and-so? Here lets hop on a call with them and we'll get it figured out together. - Stop assigning me so many tasks if you want any of them to get done I'll be glad to do it, thanks. I do need to know if you want this done before or after $things though, since those are still in progress.
  • soared 4y ago
    I completely agree. It took me many years to learn the lesson, but communication like you have above produces better short term and long term results in 100% of cases. The website's answer come off as passive aggressive. I've gotten way better and your post is an excellent way to do so, but I still struggle to find a good way to phrase "Stop asking me to work on the weekends for things that are very low impact".
• karaterobot 4y ago
  One that I don't see on the list, which I am constantly looking for a way to politely say, is: "I don't think you were paying attention to what I said just now. It's possible that I wasn't clear enough, but if that's so, you should ask me questions rather than ignoring me. What I'm hearing from you now is exactly what someone would say if they had spent all of my previous statement waiting to talk instead of listening." How do I say this?
  • soared 4y ago
    Some strategies for rephrasing I like are (1) converting "you" to "us/we", (2) removing emotion/blame, (3) occams razor - assume incompetence over malice, (4) false timidness/fake blaming yourself. The person likely was listening but is not able to connect their statement with yours. Telling someone you think they aren't listening won't make them listen unless you hold power over them or are publicly embarrassing them. Assume your solution is x, but immediately after the person asks about y, which is solved by x. Some starters: "One concern we have is y, I think it makes sense that x will resolve it. What are your thoughts?" "I was thinking about y when coming up with x and thought the issue would be resolved, but maybe I misunderstood a piece of y?" "Sorry I may not have communicated that clearly - I think x will resolve y but perhaps I misunderstood your question. Can you expand on why x might not solve y?" Very dependent on culture/etc though. These work great for Americans, but for other cultures they are way too indirect. Unless you and everyone on the call is highly technical, fake taking blame doesn't have the negative impact people think it does. If you have a feeling someone wasn't listening, everyone else on the call has the same feeling. Calling them out likely won't help, but you earn respect if you progress the meeting forward without being a dick.
• eligro91 4y ago
  I prefer to use Reverso Context. The way I'm using it is that I'm putting some words from a sentence I want to say, and it will show me how others have used those words. then I'm looking for the common use of those words and building my own sentence.
• amelius 4y ago
  Sounds a lot like the suggestions that are already in GMail.
• uncomputation 4y ago
  Almost none of these are "professional" or the sort of corporate double speak the author wants to convey. In fact, I find a lot of the "alternatives" more passive aggressive and rude than the original intentions! Instead of "stop bothering me" being: You have not heard from me because further information is not available at this time, Once I have an update I’ll be sure to loop you in It should be something like "Let's sync up later" or "I will ping you once I have an update." Way less hostile.
  • dadoge 4y ago
    Exactly, especially “The internet is a great resource for these types of questions and I am available to clarify elements that you are not able to find online.” Instead of “Google that yourself”
• amelius 4y ago
  Of course, the recipient would need an inverse translation table to see the original intent.
• ccbccccbbcccbb 4y ago
  I am afraid to hurt your feelings with incautious wording, so you might want to make your educated guess as to what I really meant to communicate to you.
• Animats 4y ago
  Probably coming soon to Grammarly and Google Docs. There should be a reverse version in reader programs: the bullshit remover.
  • ghostfoxgod 4y ago
    The site now has an option to do a reverse lookup, as it was the most requested feature.
• rapjr9 4y ago
  >"Stop assigning me so many tasks if you want any of them to get done" >"As my workload is quite heavy, can you help me understand what I should reprioritize to accommodate this new task?" I've used this one a lot and it helped quite a bit. Eventually the boss saw it as obstructive to his demands and started saying "it's all top priority". So I just arranged my priorities as I saw fit based on what I observed his own priorities to be, and it mostly worked out fine. When he'd ask me about all the other tasks he'd assigned, after I reported on what I'd accomplished at the weekly meeting, I'd say "I haven't had time to work on that". It's what he always said to everyone, that he was "so strapped for time, had so many meetings on his schedule" so how could he not accept it? Or he'd say "this other stuff is important, you need to work on it", I'd say "ok, I'll put off THE IMPORTANT THING for a day to do that", and he'd back off. In essence there is only so much time, and when you get to the details of scheduling what you are going to work on, it becomes extremely obvious how long things take to do. Maybe someone more brilliant could do it faster than you, but it will take a year to bring them in and get them up to speed, and they will cost more. If your boss refuses to recognize that and demands more, just do what you can, and reserve some inviolable time for yourself. It's basically a management failure and has nothing to do with you, let them fail. You know your value, you are accomplishing the most important of the work. Oh, and when the boss stops wanting to prioritize, start looking for a better place to work.
• rufius 4y ago
  Or just say what you mean within cultural norms. People know when they're being bullshitted with nice sounding boiler plate in my experience. A good rule to follow is to prefer being Kind rather than Nice. Kind is being blunt and honest. Nice is saying things nicely but not being clear on commitments (see: ruinous empathy).
• twayt 4y ago
  Add comments so people can discuss each one
• soheil 4y ago
  For this reason whenever someone speaks professionally instead of just saying the thing directly not only they're saying the original thing it's meant to be (ie. I don't have time for you, I told you so, that's a horrible idea...), but they're also adding an element of plausible deniability, which makes it pretty cowardly. When I see managers speak like this I know the rot of bureaucracy has plagued the company culture and is time to find a smaller/less bs-type company. It'd be a fun project to create a tool to "auto-correct" these phrases back to their original meaning so everyone knows what's being communicated. Maybe a Gmail Chrome extension?
• polskibus 4y ago
  This site needs a British equivalent.
• ransom1538 4y ago
  Ok. Can someone please make a firefox plugin so these auto replace for me? [1 github start will be paid]
• neonsunset 4y ago
  Hahah I like how many of these phrases unlike their direct counterparts appear even more passive aggressive and insulting if you are used to corpspeak.
• alliao 4y ago
  reminded me of this twitter thread... https://twitter.com/MeanestTA/status/1509936432625897474 https://twitter.com/MeanestTA/status/1509936432625897474 took me way too long to find it, how do you guys search whatever it is you've seen on the internet
• curious_cat_163 4y ago
  Some of the suggested phrasing changes the meaning of the original. Also, besides the alternatives requiring cultural sensitivity (as some commentators have argued), I think, there is just a little bit more sensitivity required to your receiver’s personality and appetite for bluntness and their role relative to you.
• readme 4y ago
  I think this dictionary works backwards, but shouldn't be used forwards. If you had trouble understanding the passive aggressive BS of a coworker, this should come in handy.
• doctorhandshake 4y ago
  At the risk of sounding naive, do people really use this kind of language with one another? To my ears, it doesn’t sound professional, it sounds openly passive-aggressive.
• wanderingmind 4y ago
  A great way to improve mental health and productivity is for someone to optimize a NLP model that can convert our emails and messages from what we actually feel to professional speech.
• bspear 4y ago
  If only we could say how we truly felt
• douglee650 4y ago
  As ←. Per ↑. My →. Previous ↓. Email →.
• ghostfoxgod 4y ago
  Hello everyone. Firstly I want to thank everyone for sharing their thoughts and suggestions here. The intent of the project is not to make you respond with passive aggressive tone but to show you some alternatives of "how you might feel like saying sometimes" over "how you can reframe it a bit better (in some cases atleast)" I have gathered the data from a content creator on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/loewhaley/ https://www.instagram.com/loewhaley/) and yes of course the credits are mentioned everywhere about this. Based on the responses here it seems like what I started as fun activity can be something more than I thought. I'll be looking into the possibilities of improving the content to make it less satire and more appropriate for most of the people out there. Since it's an open sourced project (https://github.com/AkashRajpurohit/howtoprofessionallysay https://github.com/AkashRajpurohit/howtoprofessionallysay), you can share your feedbacks and idea improvements there. At ending note, I would just like to say to anyone who feels this is really good and I'm going to use this word by word, please don't, take this as a grain of salt and not seriously (atleast at this point of time till I better structure the content) and anyone who feels negative about this, I'm sorry you feel that way but don't take this very seriously.
  • macintux 4y ago
    Your intentions seemed clear to me; I found the commentary here quite confusing. Thanks for the entertainment value.
• bern4444 4y ago
  I've been working on removing blame or attribution from phrases both in work and in social settings. Some examples are: "Oh you did this incorrectly" --> "This was incorrectly done" "Why did you make this decision" --> "How was this decision made" My thinking is, once you remove the attribution or the linking of identity to action, the other person doesn't hear this as a criticism of them or their skill, but rather on the issue or end result. My hope is this makes them less prone to be defensive in the discussion and hopefully achieve a more productive end result while minimizing negative reactions. As other comments point out, a lot of the replacements in the article are corporate ways to say fuck off. I think these responses are generally rude and make me less interested in having a working relationship with the sender.
  • _9rq6 4y ago
    Can you link any resources? SRE post-mortem analysis by Google is a resource I have found to conduct a blameless post-incident review.
    • bern4444 4y ago
      I don't have any resources, its more just something I monitor for when I speak or message people.
• TobyTheDog123 4y ago
  I still wouldn't use quite a few of these: - > As per my prediction, this outcome does not come as a surprise. Just don't say this -- maybe an "I can't say I'm surprised" if it's an informal setting within peers. - > As Indicated prior Also just skip this, maybe a "Yeah, [copy/paste the relevant line from the initial email]" - > You have not heard from me because further information is not available at this time, Once I have an update I’ll be sure to loop you in. "Unfortunately, I don't have any more updates, but once I do I’ll be sure to loop you in." - > It is my understanding that you are the appropriate person to contact in regards to this. But If there’s is someone better equipped for this let me know. I have to do things like this a lot - my go-to is "According to XYZ you're the best person to talk to about this, but if there's someone else I should reach out to please let me know" - > I have included my initial email below which contains all of the details you are looking for. Just copy/paste the relevant portions from the initial email. - > I am confident in my ability to complete this project and will be sure to reach out, If or when I require your input. "Got it - I'll reach out if I have any more questions and I'll keep you in the loop." - > Thank you for your input. I’ll keep that in mind as I move forward with decisions that fall within my responsibilities "Thanks for your feedback, I'll keep it in mind. [Add a question about what they wrote so you seem actually invested in their ideas]" - > There seems to be a disconnect here as this information has already been provided Just copy/paste the relevant portions from the initial email. - > Being respectful of everyone's time let's discuss this through email until we have a more defined agenda This one is more benign but I think it implies the other person isn't being respectful of everyone's time. "I think it'd be beneficial to keep this to email until we have a more defined agenda" - > It is great to see my ideas being exposed to a wider audience and I would have appreciated the opportunity to have been included in the delivery. I've never had to deal with a problem like this, but I don't think this solves much. I don't have an alternative for it but this seems like an issue that wouldn't benefit from minor passive-aggression. - > The internet is a great resource for these types of questions and I am available to clarify elements that you are not able to find online. "I'd be happy to hop on a Zoom call to help you out." -- Don't be the LMGTFY guy. - > This falls out of my job description but if the opportunity for a role expansion becomes available I would be happy to discuss reworking my contract to better align with these new responsibilities These seem to be getting more passive aggressive as I scroll, heh. "I don't have the bandwidth or ability to do something like that, but XYZ may be of better service in this department" - > Please let me know when further details become available as I require more information to successfully complete this task Specify what things you need to complete the task. - > If you need to contact me, please note that my working hours being at 8 am and 6 pm. Communications received prior to this won't be seen. Just don't reply. Mute your phone? - > I did previously note that this was a likely outcome. How do you plan to resolve this? "What's the plan to resolve this?" - > I am not able to offer you additional support in completing your workload "Unfortunately I don't have the bandwidth to help out on that. I'd reach out to [my manager] to see if we can adjust our goals to support you with it"
• SergeAx 4y ago
  Background: I am a software engineer and engineering manager born in Russia. I am 46, so my reports are usually 10-20 years younger. To keep their initiative and creativity high I am keeping my tone a tad softer, for my age and authority often switch people to "yes, boss" mode. I am on a new job and out of Russia now, so most of communication is in English. My manager pointed out to me, that my softness may sometimes be interpreted as a passive aggression. Construction like "let's think this through again together" means proposing help in Russian, but can be perceived as " you didn't think it through by yourself, so I will spend my time to show you how it should be done properly". The problem deepens when we use same words with Americans, Brits and non-native speakers. Non-natives take words at face value most of the time, so it is easiest part. Americans has hundreds of nuance because they speak the language all their life and their cultural background chips in all the time. Brits has passive aggression built in their culture, thus "English humor" and branded sarcasm. There are two easy solutions for the problem. First - more face time even in remote-first team. People just getting to know each other and interpolate personal traits to written communication. Second - be more specific, clearly communicate intentions and speak as myself: "I feel that there can be better solution, so let's combine our expertise and brainstorm the problem once again".
• martus_vicious 4y ago
• twirlock 4y ago
• tpoacher 4y ago
  All the 'translations' seem to hinge on the assumption that the recipient does not have malicious motives, but rather, they seem to be doing something bad that you'd like them to stop doing, and are trying to find the best language for it. This is a massive assumption.