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I'm not surprised. I'm reaching an age where I feel like I've seen it all in terms of what can happen to me as a person (births/deaths/big life events), as well

I'm not surprised. I'm reaching an age where I feel like I've seen it all in terms of what can happen to me as a person (births/deaths/big life events), as well as what can happen in terms of historical events that affect people's lives (Changes of leadership, wars, stuff in the news). But the thing that seems most important is relationships. Being able to maintain them with various people is paramount. I'm a bit younger than the people in the study, and fortunate to have a very international network, so maybe I rely more on technology to talk to people, but I've found it's key to write to people to stay in touch. In terms of day-to-day I also make an effort to do a gathering now and again. It's pretty easy, I just ping some people I know from various contexts and pick a place. Also in terms of close relations I don't find you need to be close in terms of frequent contact. Writing to someone I've known for a long time without constantly connection is as familiar as having the occasional meal with local friends. I've also developed a kind of understanding for various relationships that are a kind of "kindred spirit" relation: people who exemplify some sort of archetype with whom I identify, but with whom I have not spent much time. It's a sort of immediate familiarity that is quite satisfying, eg when you meet another programmer and you have similar experiences, or another person who went to your university or comes from the same country. These are often useful seeds for deeper relationships, but are also good in and of themselves.

saiya-jin 5y ago
Relationships are important, but this importance varies from person to person. What would break one (long absence of such) is a negligible detail for another. Its true that most folks are wired for some form of them, but some actually thrive in their absence and focus their energy easier towards their goals. I personally am somewhere in between. I can handle loneliness remarkably well, way better than most if not all people I know closely (and this allowed me to do hard very positive actions in life), but that doesn't prevent me from enjoying occasional family or friends reunion. But I don't thrive on them and I am not sad/depressed when lacking them. I love my family just to be clear and especially my parents, very little to complain about. For example serious adventures can fill this hole more than nicely. But now my kids are doing their best and the hole is overflowing a bit.
- jimbokun 5y ago
  This sounds like your personal anecdotal experience at a specific stage in your life, whereas the study covered many people over a decades long time frame.
  - JackFr 5y ago
    Many wealthy, elite white men predominantly from the northeast United States. (Yes I know 40 years in they expanded the study to some local inner city subjects.)
    - jimbokun 5y ago
      Still, it's probably the best study of its kind ever performed. Will be interesting to see if there are differences for other demographics as they continue to expand the scope of the subjects. But will need to wait decades for those results.
black_puppydog 5y ago
I'm definitely not in the "seen it all" phase but I recently, on a whim, got out a pen and paper and started what I thought would be a quick one page letter. 8 pages later I realized the act of writing was as important as the content itself. And the receiving side seems to have shared the sentiment; the interaction, slow and async as it was, had a depth of meaning I wouldn't have anticipated. Kinda hippie dippie and all but true nonetheless. :)

saiya-jin 5y ago

Relationships are important, but this importance varies from person to person. What would break one (long absence of such) is a negligible detail for another. Its true that most folks are wired for some form of them, but some actually thrive in their absence and focus their energy easier towards their goals. I personally am somewhere in between. I can handle loneliness remarkably well, way better than most if not all people I know closely (and this allowed me to do hard very positive actions in life), but that doesn't prevent me from enjoying occasional family or friends reunion. But I don't thrive on them and I am not sad/depressed when lacking them. I love my family just to be clear and especially my parents, very little to complain about. For example serious adventures can fill this hole more than nicely. But now my kids are doing their best and the hole is overflowing a bit.

jimbokun 5y ago
This sounds like your personal anecdotal experience at a specific stage in your life, whereas the study covered many people over a decades long time frame.
- JackFr 5y ago
  Many wealthy, elite white men predominantly from the northeast United States. (Yes I know 40 years in they expanded the study to some local inner city subjects.)
  - jimbokun 5y ago
    Still, it's probably the best study of its kind ever performed. Will be interesting to see if there are differences for other demographics as they continue to expand the scope of the subjects. But will need to wait decades for those results.

black_puppydog 5y ago

I'm definitely not in the "seen it all" phase but I recently, on a whim, got out a pen and paper and started what I thought would be a quick one page letter. 8 pages later I realized the act of writing was as important as the content itself. And the receiving side seems to have shared the sentiment; the interaction, slow and async as it was, had a depth of meaning I wouldn't have anticipated. Kinda hippie dippie and all but true nonetheless. :)