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Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

• deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
• strikelaserclaw 5y ago
  take care of your health, it is the #1 resource you own.
  • starwind 5y ago
    In my twenties I hated spending money on health-related stuff like dentist appointments new glasses and gym memberships. I wanted to blow it all on fun stuff. Now? I don't hesitate to plop down my amex if I think what I'm spending money on will make me physically better
  • hughrr 5y ago
    Having screwed this up in my 30s and spent the first half of my 40s doing a desperate low budget TV montage, I agree with this entirely. Some things you can't undo and I regret that. Learn from my mistake :)
  • throw0101a 5y ago
    Exercising generally only gets harder. Maintenance is easier than building things up; start early.
  • avgDev 5y ago
    Can't stress this enough. I just want to add before taking meds or any supplements make sure you research things on your to understand the risks. Sometimes even doctors are not aware of adverse reactions. Your health should always come first before work. Try to exercise a few times a week, going for walk/runs or bike.
  • deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  • everybodyknows 5y ago
    If you suspect you might have an undiagnosed chronic health problem, assume you do indeed, and make getting to the bottom of it Lifetime Project #1.
    • forum_ghost 5y ago
      Also assume doctors won't care, won't do any homework for you, and will do the absolute bare minimum possible: nothing. It's all on you. Any statement or conclusion from a physician is not necessarily a fact, but only an opinion of some random person you may never see again, and may have been the worst student in their class.
• version_five 5y ago
  I'm in my early 40s, I can't really think of anything, maybe because it's too close to realize what mistakes I might have made, and I don't really believe in that kind of retrospection generally. FWIW, if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family (and want to some day), consider doing it in your early 30s (or earlier), there are a lot of things that get tougher as you get older. I don't regret putting it off until my 40s because it let me find a person I want to have a family with, but if you have such a person, my advice is do it now.
  • surfmike 5y ago
    +1 to not postponing having kids. Obviously, people should not do it if they're not ready. But people think they need to have everything figured out (degree, career, house) first. You don't. And the younger you have kids, the longer you'll be around to spend time with them (or grandkids), and the less chance you'll have fertility issues.
    • throwaway19423 5y ago
      +1 Had kids in late 30s, and now have young kids in my 40s. It is hard physically, mentally, career-wise and other dimensions. Only financially, I'd say I'm less worried than if I was in my early 20s. But my financial security was probably strong right after grad school (world was my oyster!)
      • agent008t 5y ago
        Having children is hard. Why do you think it would've been easier physically, mentally, career-wise when you are a lot less established and more stressed in the early 20s? Isn't the conclusion here "Young children will make your life worse, do not have them"?
        • SecurityLagoon 5y ago
          Depends what field you are in but generally later in your career you have more responsibility and requirement to spend more mental energy on work that you could have otherwise put towards looking after a kid. If you are only expected to show up for your 7.5 hours and wack out a handful of lines of code a day you have way more mental and time capacity for family.
• BoGs83 5y ago
  I took working and working hard (overtime, for that bonus, promotion, etc.) overboard and never looked back. I wish I would of taken more time to be social and enjoy life a bit more. Work to live, not live to work.
• smugma 5y ago
  I passed up an opportunity to live abroad before we had kids. It was complicated but I wish I pushed for it. Absent that, I wish I traveled more before I had young children (and before there was a pandemic).
• ojbyrne 5y ago
  Wear sunscreen: http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/mary-schmich.html http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/mary-schmich.html Apologies for being flippant.
• sharemywin 5y ago
  Having kids is a huge increase in responsibility and completely changes you as a person. you really can't take risks with out worrying about your kids. Don't worry my youngest refers to me as a man-child(if he only know me in my 20s)
• Eric_WVGG 5y ago
  I wish I had realized that I was still young. I had some early startup-ish projects in the late-nineties/early-2k's, they crashed and burned with the dotcom crash, and I felt like I had lost any chance at making something cool or any kind of impact. I even felt like, at the age of 28, I was too old for dating and had missed all my opportunities. Things picked up for me in every respect — professional and personal — at age 35. You really are as young as you feel.
  • adar 5y ago
    As someone who just turned 35 last week, thanks for this.
  • splatzone 5y ago
    This is encouraging. Thank you
  • HstryrsrBttn 5y ago
    Don't. Take time to know your partner: minimum 2years, have vacations _and_ reflect on them -- if _anything_ heavily irritating or strong arguments arise trust your gust and don't marry, don't try to justify. Married a paranoid schizophrenic with realising to late -- didn't know all family members (several relatives on the maternal and paternal side have it too) Know the family. Don't try to justify think you picked a healthy exemplar too early -- again: wait 2y+, know their past. Any clinical interventions: stay away. Otherwise as soon as children are involved this will be years of horror. Trust me.
    • Eric_WVGG 5y ago
  • cannabis_sam 5y ago
    Thank you! I think there are a lot of us who need to (or at least can benefit from) hearing this.
  • wodenokoto 5y ago
    30 is the new 20. I had a talk with a friend the other day about how 50 year olds used to be old. They just don’t look or feel that way now a days
• petercooper 5y ago
  This advice goes back perhaps a little further into the mid 20s, but.. become aware of your personality, preferences, strengths and weaknesses, and live the (hopefully virtuous) life you want or need rather than the one you think other people want or need you to live.
• antiterra 5y ago
  That whole ‘time going by faster thing’ you’ve been noticing? You ain’t seen nothing yet.
  • version_five 5y ago
    I definitely feel that, but I think it has more to do with the routine that comes with a "normal" life. When I am doing the same thing every day, months or years feel like they disappeared into nothing. But new experiences still slow things down. I think a big part of the time compression phenomenon is just that there are fewer really new experiences
• themodelplumber 5y ago
  - Consciously work to regret more things [0] - If something isn't quite a regret but feels off, or like it's not working the way it's advertised: Make plans to try alternative(s) in earnest by a specific, calendared date in the future if things haven't changed (I did this with the religion into which I was born; sticking to the calendared decision was one of the best decisions I ever made and I ended up walking out) - Think about the crazy ideas that never work for anybody, and start trying them NOW in little baby steps before you hate yourself later for being too closed-minded - Spend more time and money on little daily comforts, the practically insubstantial, vain little anti-buddhisms that nevertheless can create a compounding comfort-debt over time (book 1, chapter 1, verse 1: Maybe go buy some new shoes that you like and then use them to walk to an ice cream parlor) - Be more active in planning medical care, yeah you may get cancer but even in that case, it's better to schedule check-ups earlier than later Those are just a few that come to mind... 0. https://www.friendlyskies.net/maybe/regrets-a-powerful-planning-and-energy-restoring-tool https://www.friendlyskies.net/maybe/regrets-a-powerful-plann...
  • rg111 5y ago
    > vain little anti-buddhisms Really? Buddha legit allowed one to have small pleasures and advised to spend according to one's income- not be lavish nor meagre. He promoted the middle-path (majjhima pantha) more than anything else- to not be too stringent nor be too lavish. He even allowed monks to have communal properties. I agree with your point, though. Wholeheartedly. With inflation, and for some economies, continued currency devaluation, it is not worth it to save a lot by denying yourself small pleasures. I bought a more-than-expensive chair, and a high-end mechanical keyboard. I absolutely enjoy those. And, no, I did not go down a steep curve of spending that destroyed my finances.
    • themodelplumber 5y ago
      Buddha the him-self is probably different from what I think of as "buddhism" with a small 'b'. Culturally-understood, outside-in, or maybe bookstore-quotes-buddhism, as opposed to the deeper, subjective, experiential, you-don't-know-enough-buddhism--which does harbor many, many contradictions on top of all the great lessons in there too. Like any belief system, religious or not. I definitely don't remember the sectarian buddhists spending much time telling me to enjoy small pleasures! I think the closest analog to that in substance of belief would be more like "attend to your sensory interface to life." Ah? Much different in important ways. One of those approaches worked fine without buddhism in the picture. The other didn't, or so I was told. Funny memories.
• scionthefly 5y ago
  In your 30s, if you are waiting to have kids for various reasons, you really need to stop delaying. Your probability of successfully having kids goes down every year, and by your early 40s your options for medical help if you have infertility stop being available because even those interventions lose effectiveness. If you want kids, just have the kids. You're not going to care that you were being responsible and waiting when you find out waiting means you never get to have them.
  • hughrr 5y ago
    This. I had kids in my early 20s. It’s great because I still have a connection with them even though two are adults. Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird.
    • riversflow 5y ago
      > Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird. My experience is that kids from older parents are wise beyond their years, and tend to be far more well-adjusted adults.
    • cannabis_sam 5y ago
      > Kids from much older parents (40+) are also almost completely weird. They are, in every quantitative and qualitative measure, far more well-adjusted than the poor children, like yours, who had no choice but to grow up with literal children as parents. (Or maybe we shouldn’t generalize like this…?)
      • hughrr 5y ago
        No please do. You’re on the mark there. I was waiting for someone to make this point. The weirdness comes from the social disparity and disconnectedness from peers their own age due to different social attitudes from parents. The generalisation comes from the observation that older parents tend to lead to less progressive attitudes.
        • 5y ago
• gumby 5y ago
  Make some habits, which include: - Exercise regularly (doesn't mean hours a day in the gym, just make it a regular habit) - Don't eat so much junk, don't drink so much - Have a regular sleep schedule and stick to it. - don't sacrifice for your work, unless your work is also part of your recreation. - conversely do prioritize your relationships - max out your retirement contributions as best you can Age: 50s; some of above are what I did and some are what I wish I had done.
  • joefarish 5y ago
    Great list, I think that in particular sleep schedule is so important. Really helps with making good choices regarding diet and exercise as well.
• LanceJones 5y ago
  Avoid attaching your identity to people, other people's idea of who you are, your job, and to possessions. None of it is real or permanent. Say it like a mantra.
• hallway_monitor 5y ago
  You will be smarter than you were in your 20s. You will not be as smart as in your 40s. Your life is just starting.
  • clpm4j 5y ago
    If you continue working and learning throughout your 30s then how would it follow that you won't be as smart in your 40s?
    • hallway_monitor 5y ago
      I thought that may have been confusingly worded. I think we agree that you continue to build intellectual power into your forties. Maybe not raw intelligence as studies have shown. But the ability to connect and integrate related Concepts more quickly.
• city41 5y ago
  Max out your retirement investments as much as you realistically can. The added compounding you get from these earlier years is great.
  • FWKevents 5y ago
    Excellent advice! :)
• gernb 5y ago
  That I should have spent more time finding a partner. Everyone said "don't try, it will happen naturally". Well, no, it didn't. Now in my mid-50s.
• newacc9 5y ago
  Get married, have children, buy assets. There's this idea that men don't need to settle down because they can have children at any age, which I guess is technically true but it presupposes that a 30 y/o woman will want to have children with you when you're 45, but they are more inclined to go +5 years, not +15. Also take prescription labels more seriously, like don't take Advil all the time, because you will get an ulcer and don't mix alcohol and aspirin because it causes liver damage. Exercise and don't eat to much, and invest in your posture (don't get carpal tunnel, hunch over at the computer, etc)
  • version_five 5y ago
    > alcohol and aspirin I think you mean tylenol / acetaminophen (maybe aspirin is bad too?) Even if you can find a younger mate, you'll want to participate in your kid's lives and that's much harder as an old man. If your kids are teenagers and you're in your sixties, I imagine it can be tough; and if they make the same choices as you, living to see grandchildren is unlikely
    • Arete314159 5y ago
      +1 for having kids at a younger age. My dad was 44 when I was born and he died when I was 16 -- that sucked a lot. I think you should have a fair idea you'll live long enough to see your kid "launched" into the world -- say 25 years old at a minimum. If you won't live that long, don't have kids.
  • disambiguation 5y ago
    cant you elaborate on "buy assets"? stocks, real estate, all the above, something else?
    • rdtwo 5y ago
      Live in a non recourse state And buy real estate with leverage. heads you win big tails you walk away with fixed losses
      • 5y ago
• whiteboardr 5y ago
  Listening to my gut.
• prometheus76 5y ago
  I joined the Orthodox Church in my 40s. I wish I would have known about it when I was younger, especially in my 30s, with my young family. The benefits that come from daily spiritual devotion both individually and a family, as well as the benefits that come from being part of a faithful community are impossible to list. Is it all easy and is it all benefits? Of course not. But centering my life around God through daily devotion to the practices that are part of that have brought so much more stability and fulfillment than I ever could have known.
  • NateEag 5y ago
    Were you religious before you joined the Orthodox Church? What inspired you to join it?
    • prometheus76 5y ago
      I grew up Mormon, explored Taoism and Buddhism, but never felt "at home". I considered myself an atheist for many years after that, but never really gave up hope that I could find a spiritual path. My family was on the brink of falling apart at one point, and I had started listening to Jordan Peterson's lectures on the Bible. That led me to the work of Jonathan Pageau. Once I started to understand what he was actually talking about (by learning more about the traditional pre-Enlightenment worldview), I thought "what do I have to lose?" and went to a local Orthodox church. I began meeting with the priest, and it's now the foundation for my life, and it's a part of my life every day, and affects every decision I make.
      • NateEag 5y ago
        Interesting. Thank you very much for sharing your journey!
  • yuuu 5y ago
    I really want to become an Orthodox Christian but feel like I would struggle with the whole "believing in God" thing. Should I still try it? Is there any way that I could "come to believe in God" in time?
• adriand 5y ago
  Be honest about what you really value in your life and don’t let ego and status and expectations drive your decisions. Evaluate how you truly enjoy spending your time and work to create a life that lets you do as much of that as possible.
• _e 5y ago
  If you are going to the gym then have a plan for what you want to accomplish otherwise you are just wandering around.
• clcaev 5y ago
  Have kids now so they are all teenagers or older by the time you are 50. Start planning 5 or 10 years out; do things now that open opportunity later. Build a reliable social network around you. Help others with no expectation of return. Reconnect with old friends and strengthen bonds with new friends. Get and keep your body in great health; form good habits now. Fix your posture. Stretch.
• chrisbrandow 5y ago
  Learn Objective-C prior to 2008. ;-)
• madrox 5y ago
  First, obligatory link to the sunscreen speech: https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/chi-schmich-sunscreen-column-column.html https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/chi-schmich-sunscreen... Second, I'll throw some things out there, though, apart from what's already been said (like health and travel): - Invest in therapy, if you haven't already. Learn your blind spots, your rackets, and your stories that hold you back. - Make new friends with younger people, whether it's via mentorship or some other means. If you don't, you'll be an "out of touch boomer" before you know it. Unlike my 20s, I feel like I navigated my 30s pretty well, so I don't have a lot of things I wish I had done/known that I didn't already. I think that's really the difference as you get older...you developer fewer new regrets.
• AnimalMuppet 5y ago
  Learn who you are. People matter, even if you're an introvert. Make friends. Don't be a jerk to people. How you dress matters, even if you think it doesn't (or shouldn't). You don't have to "dress to impress", but don't look like a slob. Develop empathy. Don't be so focused on getting your code to work, or your hobbies, or whatever, that you don't notice when people are in pain.
  • FWKevents 5y ago
    Great advice - all of it. I like that you included how you dress matters, along with being nice and having empathy! :) I've learned this, too. Unless you're a billionaire who can get away with a hoodie and socks/sandals as a work outfit, dressing to aim for the level you want to achieve is always a good strategy. It will make you stand out in people's minds. Just like you can't see the outside of a house when you're living inside it, you can't see the impression you're making on others and how much of that is visual. It's probably more than you think.
• Thrwwy_20220323 5y ago
  My 30's were decades ago. I wish I had known that I had undiagnosed ADD and wasn't just lazy, thoughtless and undisciplined. Thankful to have found an occupation where every day brings some new and interesting problem to solve.
  • abyrne10 5y ago
    If you don’t mind my asking, what is the occupation you found? And what led you to an ADD diagnosis? (Asking as someone in their thirties who suspects they might have undiagnosed ADD.)
    • Thrwwy_20220323 5y ago
      My career has been various applications engineering roles connected with the semiconductor industry. I used to have misconceptions about what ADHD really is -- that it was about the hyper kids who couldn't sit still or pay attention in class -- and the controversy over drugs that turned them in to calm, compliant little worker bee zombies. Then I found this a few years ago from Dr Russell Barkley of Virginia Commonwealth University Medical Center: "30 Essential Ideas You Should Know about ADHD" https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzBixSjmbc8eFl6UX5_wWGP8i0mAs-cvY https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzBixSjmbc8eFl6UX5_wW... Too many of these ideas resonated with things I had literally said out loud about myself in the past. This is breaking news, so I can't speak to how things may change, if at all. But in my 30's? Yeah, life would have been different.
    • Thrwwy_20220323 5y ago
      I would encourage you to find a local specialist in Adult ADD and get an evaluation. There are still some misconceptions out there so don't give up searching if they won't take you seriously.
• ipaddr 5y ago
  One thing I would say is.. Don't drink coca cola.
  • davidpersek 5y ago
    Sugar coca cola? because I drink a lot of coke zero and pepsi max.
    • burntoutfire 5y ago
      The acid in Diet Coke (and Pepsi) slowly destroys the enamel on your teeth. Once it's sufficiently weakened, the bacteria will have easy access to the inside of your teeth and you'll be plagued with painful and expensive teeth problems (if you aren't already).
    • NotAnEnemy 5y ago
      Yeah, that too.
    • vikingerik 5y ago
      Sugar, caffeine, and acid are all bad. Drinks without the first are less-bad, but still not good.
    • ipaddr 5y ago
      I would stay from either. The caffeine, aspartame and acesulfame potassium will take a toll. I can trace back a year in my 30s where I went heavy on the regular. If you don't want to get randomly sick don't order in.
• gnicholas 5y ago
  I wish I'd bought BTC. Joking aside, you should consider investing small amounts of money or time into long-shots. Most of them won't pay off, but if 1 in 20 pans out it could repay the whole lot, and then some.
  • mkoryak 5y ago
    At least it's not too late to buy some THC
    • Graffur 5y ago
      What is THC?
      • mkoryak 5y ago
        The active ingredient in marijuana
• dpcan 5y ago
  I wish I had known my wife didn’t love me through my entire 30’s. My 40’s are not what I expected.
  • samspenc 5y ago
    Very sorry to hear it didn't work out. Could you share how you got over it? Any other advice / experience that might be helpful for others?
    • dpcan 5y ago
      Oh, it’s been a year and a half and I still feel lost, miserable, betrayed, and so on. My life literally got flipped upside down. I’m definitely not the right person to ask how to get over it. My attempts mostly include focusing on my children and their lives, a lot of going to the gym (daily), kayaking in the summer, snowboarding through the winter, reading, side projects. I’m still in the “never going to be in a relationship again” phase. I hear a lot of guys go through that, but it changes supposedly??? We’ll see.
      • mclbdn 5y ago
        Have you thought about talking about this with a therapist?
        • dpcan 5y ago
          It’s fun calling therapists and having them be “full”. But yeah.
      • FWKevents 5y ago
        Please try Codependents Anonymous. You may think it doesn't relate to you, but if you suffered through 10+ loveless years and now can't yet recover, you'll see that the meetings probably resonate with you. There are free Zoom meetings. Best wishes you.
• floor2 5y ago
  I'll start by flipping your question to the things I'm incredibly happy I did when I was younger. Which are all sorts of "bucket list" items which are best done while young. Aging in your 30s sneaks up on you. At 30 you can still go to the 2am punk rock show and then merely complain a bit more about hangovers getting worse. At 40 you're the weird adult hanging out with people who could be your kid. At 30 you can drop everything and go hike the Appalachian trail for 6 months, at 40 you might have medical issues that prevent this, or kids, or just a general change in outlook such that hiking all day to sleep on the ground sounds miserable instead of fulfilling. My advice would be, if you want to go sail the south Pacific or climb the Himalayas or backpack around Europe or volunteer in a developing country or play in a band at SXSW, go do it now. I'm glad I went and did things while I could, and while I was the right age to enjoy them fully. I've still got plenty more living to do, but I recognize many experiences will never be the same as having done them younger.
• markus_zhang 5y ago
  Spent less time in finding a suitable hobby but more time in finding the meaning of life.
  • polygloty 5y ago
    What did you do to find meaning of life for you?
  • mkoryak 5y ago
    What if finding a hobby is the meaning of life?
    • markus_zhang 5y ago
      Could be, but I find a hobby works best when one already has the meaning of life and just needs to cooldown from job. Again just my opinion.
      • mkoryak 5y ago
        Oh, in that case, can you tell me the meaning of life so I can enjoy my hobbies more
• jsarlo 5y ago
  Wear hearing protection if you go to concerts or play in a band.
  • FWKevents 5y ago
    This sounds trivial but it's such good advice. When you're young you don't want to be seen wearing hearing protection. I was a pop music critic when I was younger, and only wore ear protection a little more than half the time I was at a loud concert, which was often. Now I have tinnitus in my 50s. Don't be afraid to look uncool. The orange, tapered ear plugs are the best. Get them on Amazon. They're often not sold in drug stores.
• goatcode 5y ago
  Saved more and bought a house.
• motohagiography 5y ago
  Spend time before money on things you enjoy. Spend money before time on things you don't. Happiness is a choice. It's only the regret for the things we didn't do that is truly inconsolable. Good luck.
  • jka 5y ago
    I think I spend time trying to reduce the amount of (time and/or money) that other people will have to spend on those same items in future. Thus I'm reluctant to spend money on them (I'd prefer to reduce their costs). It's possible I'm self-deluding, but your comment is wise and I felt like chiming in. (late-30s here)
• thrownaway561 5y ago
  you can always start over. don't ever think that it's too late to start something or to start over on something. tomorrow will always come no matter how old or young you are. the key is to not let self doubt creep in.
• slyall 5y ago
  I wish I'd learnt a few long term skills that are/were a pain to learn 10 years later. By long term I mean things that will almost certainly be useful 20 years later. Programming - I'm from a sysadmin background so got by on bash scripting. Then suddenly every job really requires you can at least code in python. Driving - Even if you live in a city where you never drive it comes in useful for holidays etc. Typing - Two fingered typing gets old SQL - Somebody got rid of all the DBAs
• smitty1e 5y ago
  Been more serious with budgeting. I could much closer to retirement.
• blueridge 5y ago
  I waited entirely too long to get settled. I didn't really understand the value of "home" until my thirties. I used to be a hardcore "minimalist" throughout my twenties and into my early thirties. I didn't want to own anything at all, didn't want to have objects or things that I'd have to move, that could tie me down to a space or place. I didn't want to have to fix or maintain anything. In my thirties, I realized that all of the spaces I had lived in were cold, unwelcoming, aesthetically anemic. It didn't look like anyone "lived" there. At 35, I started buying things I wanted to keep forever: bookshelves, living and dining furniture, rugs, art. I spent good money on "stuff" that I liked, things that I want to experience and live with every day. I purchased decent picture frames and hung photos of my family for the first time. I also spent a lot of time setting up my living space for other people, not just for me. I could invite family over and they could stay comfortably for weeks at a time. If a friend needed to quickly get out of a tricky situation, I had a spare room ready to go. If I wanted to host a small dinner, it could happen at my place, instead of a friends house where a bunch of grown-ass adults are sitting on five-gallon buckets and yard chairs around a folding table. All of this had a strong, positive affect on my day-to-day disposition. It made me more open to others, more willing to embrace hospitality as a mode of living. I'm less stressed about having people over because my place is actually a place people want to be, and that feels great. It's difficult to put this into words, but for the twenty-somethings who are reading this: whether you are renting or owning, don't be afraid to settle. Buy nice stuff when you can afford it, take care of it, plan to keep it forever. Set your space up to support you and the people in your life. Edit: Also worth reading: https://www.seanblanda.com/your-30s-are-a-time-for-to-go-for-it-or-not/ https://www.seanblanda.com/your-30s-are-a-time-for-to-go-for...
  • deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
• Arete314159 5y ago
  I got sick with a serious illness when I was 34. So I was super glad that I'd followed my crazy dreams of a career in the arts in my late 20's / early 30's. Sure, in retrospect I also wish I'd had better health insurance....but when your life turns upside down and your body can't do what it once did, it's nice to know you didn't put off the most important things to you for "later." Nowadays with everything that's going on, I think it's doubly true. A lot of folks think they'll write / paint / do music 'once they retire.' Not everyone has the ability to give up their day jobs, but...do your passion at least a little bit now, while your body can still do it.
• nonameiguess 5y ago
  Don't hurt yourself. I lost nearly my entire 30s to spine problems. I couldn't touch my own feet for two years. I had to change careers (luckily, into software, which doesn't require great orthopedic health and has boomed). I'm very lucky my wife is still with me because I was miserable to be around for a long time, constantly in pain and angry and frustrated. I wasn't able to have kids and am trying to adopt now, figuring the risk isn't worth it to go biological since my wife is also in her 40s. I don't know what actionable advice is really there, but I ignored a lot that I didn't have to and acted invincible when I wasn't. I'm a very athletic person, played sports my whole life, joined the Army. There are a lot of things I could have stopped doing, risks I didn't need to take. I'm lucky as hell that years of surgery and physical therapy and finally listening to doctors eventually brought me much of the way back, but 30s are, or at least should be, peak years. Losing them like that really leaves a hole.
• mud_dauber 5y ago
  Quit looking over your shoulder at the startup blog posts. Go outside. Take a walk. Call your parents. Learn to cook. Success will come if you're a decent human being (and most of us truly are). It just may come when it's least expected, and from a completely different direction. Oh, and 401k compounding works like a champ.
• botswana99 5y ago
  58 here. In my thirties, the first thing I did was blow off my research job and travel with my wife for a six-month trip around the world. If you are not sure that you married the right person, traveling will be a good test! Of course, I had no money after that trip -- so we lived with my in-laws for six months to save for a house down payment. I would not recommend this! But what I would recommend is living under your income in your thirties. It would be best if you did that forever, BTW. And have kids. They take a lot of energy, time, and love. Finally, invest in your career. Take new roles, try some things. Don't sweat not being the next Zuckerberg. You have three or four more decades to start a company, write your novel, or create the wondrous thing. Load your backpack full of responsibilities in your thirties -- you are stronger than you think.
• kstenerud 5y ago
  I wish I had known the truth about romantic relationships. Would have saved me a lot of trouble: - Women are not all the same. Men are not all the same. There is no single approach. What works for your friend won't necessarily work for you, because you're different people and thus after different things. - "pick up lines" and pick-up-artist techniques and all that kind of bullshit are just that: bullshit. At best you get a roll in the hay, and not a relationship that lasts (because you're lying). - You really really REALLY need to be yourself. Any potential SO will discover who you really are as they get closer, and if you're putting on a front, you're attracting people to a person who doesn't exist, and won't like the person who really does exist. Look for people who are attracted to the kind of person you actually are. - There is a certain amount of marketing involved in presenting yourself, but never go so far as to deceive. - Don't try to change for people. You can't change who you are, and anyone who tries to change you is selfish. Don't waste your time with them. - Accept people as they are. They're not going to change. - The most important personality trait that MUST be compatible is dominance and submission. Two dominant people will fight all the time, have great sex probably, and a terrible relationship that's more off than on. Two submissive people will suffer in silence as their relationship gives no fulfillment or direction. You need to be compatible in who leads on what (and communicate that!). - If you're looking to get noticed, find a way to stand out. Waiting for a potential SO to find you by pure chance is risking a life alone. - If you find someone you like, at the very least greet them. The sooner you get the fear of rejection over with, the better. - You'll have a bunch of failed relationships on the way to the successful one. These failed ones teach you about yourself and about what you need in a SO. - Don't be in a hurry to get to the successful one. Slow and steady wins the race. Just make sure you STAY in the race! - Communication is the single most important thing in a relationship. And trust. Without those, your relationship doesn't have a prayer.
  • kbrannigan 5y ago
    This is so much more level headed than the type of immature relationship advice you find on reddit. This is rooted in reality and Humility. On
  • kaba0 5y ago
    While I agree fundamentally about not changing yourself for others, but if the change is positive in both of your accounts, try to go for it. E.g. if someone is morbidly obese and their partner wants him to loose weight by getting into the habit of diet/exercise, I really don’t see no evil here.
• deanebarker 5y ago
  I wish I had avoided debt better. In my 30s, I had enough money and credit to do stupid things, and I was still pretty materialistic, so everything looked good. My 40s were sobering. Got debt-free by about 48. Now 50.
• sbfeibish 5y ago
  You aren't thinking about longevity. Diet, exercise, sleep, stress. And supplements. Start giving yourself a medical education by watching YouTube videos. Chances are you can really extend your health and lifespan.
• jpmoral 5y ago
  Early 40s. Muay Thai. It started as a casual interest to help me get in shape. Learning about the technical, historical, and cultural aspects and nuances really hooked me. Wish I'd started much earlier. If you're interested, the best fighting art channel on YouTube IMO is https://www.youtube.com/c/8limbsUs https://www.youtube.com/c/8limbsUs Music. Playing uke and singing is just fun. Getting enough sleep. Self-explanatory.
• ryandvm 5y ago
  That almost everybody is faking it. There are outliers of course, but by and large, your colleagues, your mentors, your leaders, your enemies (you shouldn't have very many); they're all just normal people doing their best. And their best is usually just average.
  • v-erne 5y ago
    And I might add that even the above average people are only above average for short periods of time and in very narrow categories. Be wary of authority figures that rides on past achievements (past performance is not indicative of future results).
• baybal2 5y ago
  Settle down in the West. The torturous visa, and immigration regulations would've worth it 100 times now. Unlucky owner of a radioactive passport now.
  • ridiculous_leke 5y ago
    West as in the US?
    • baybal2 5y ago
• jeffdoolittle 5y ago
  Infinite banking https://jlmwealthstrategies.com/what-is-infinite-banking/ https://jlmwealthstrategies.com/what-is-infinite-banking/
• sys_64738 5y ago
  Invested in retirement accounts to retire at fifty.
• i_r7al 5y ago
  Start investing at least 10% of what you make even if it's too little. 10 years of too little will mount to huge amount by your 30s. You won't realize how much you missed until you calculate it. Also use a budget app track every penny of your money. I suggest YNAB.
• theknocker 5y ago
• shaggie76 5y ago
  I wish I'd traveled more in my 30's; now that I'm closing in on 50 I'm more realistic about my appreciation for the comforts of home and wistfully wonder what sights have gone unseen.
• nogbit 5y ago
  I did the following, and seeing others who did not I don’t know how they manage when older. Have kids, while you are young. Your body will be able to do all the fun things along side them without worry about a bad back or something else. Don’t worry about career progression, worry instead about adding value to yourself that transcends (think education, various employment and domain knowledge in various industries). Have work life balance, which maybe means working at places (think public services or health care) so you can spend time doing the things you enjoy, which very well may be moonlighting on tech that is 100% your IP (to each their own) Get a house, they never get cheaper overtime. Then when you are in your mid 40’s and your kids are moving out you can quickly catch up in no time at all, because remember, you have been building skills and a network that are now in bat shit crazy demand.
• p0d 5y ago
  50. I wish I had not been so fat. I lost 80 pounds over the last 2 years walking 2.5 miles a day and eating more healthily. I wish I would have saved more or taken pensions more seriously. I wish I had made my kids do more chores around the house to better prepare them for adulthood.
  • v-erne 5y ago
    >I wish I had made my kids do more chores around the house to better prepare them for adulthood. How exactly cleaning and throwing out the garbage prepares You for adulthood ?
• gnz11 5y ago
  - Everything in moderation. - Max out retirement contributions. - Use all of your vacation time, set strict limits on work hours. [1] - Exercise, eat real food, take time to relax. All three are connected and work together. You cannot optimize for just one. [1] Stress is a destroyer of both your mental and physical health that has real long term consequences. No startup/job/employer/etc is worth destroying yourself over. If you are at a burn-out factory now, get out as soon as possible.
  • culopatin 5y ago
    Im doing everything minus taking time to relax. I’m in a constant limbo between “relax” but not fully committed by the stress of wasting productive time. This turns into a waste of time that’s not productive nor relaxing that is just procrastination. If I could figure out how to fully relax I’d probably be available for productivity for longer and I’d enjoy my free time more.
• taubek 5y ago
  Time really flies by. You don't need to learn every new thing that comes around. Become an expert in one thing. Share your knowledge.
• EricE 5y ago
  Just how powerful compounding interest really is, and how destructive it is in reverse. I would have gone through more up front sacrifices to dramatically cut down the size of my mortgage - I'd be a several hundred thousands richer with pretty minimal effort. Debt sucks and should be avoided!
• 7263255 5y ago
  - I wish I would have colored my hair earlier. I always thought it was neat but was raised thinking that things like that or tattoos would ruin your job, etc. It's true that times have changed and it's more acceptable now. When my hair started thinning I decided to do it while I still can. I've been "blurple" for a year and I absolutely love it - it's been so much fun. My parents didn't freak, my extended family loves it, and being an introvert it gets me just a enough attention for a dopamine hit without freaking out. - Register to donate bone marrow. I didn't donate blood for ages and didn't register for marrow until my 30s. I matched a leukemia patient, did a harvest and we had a successful transplant. The modern procedure is non-surgical and stem cell based. There was no pain. I later found out that there had been another search in the registry I would have matched for, but I was not registered yet. (That patient did undergo chemo and survived, but the transplant would have been better.) - Get comfortable talking to people about your feelings. Hire someone to talk to if you don't have someone. As an engineer, if I have a problem with someone I try to logic them through it... but feelings don't work that way. "I don't like X" or "that makes me feel Y" are inputs to logical systems even if they are not logical themselves. Many jobs, relationships, etc. would have gone differently. "I am afraid of Z" has helped me in a lot of cases. People just assume I'm tough guy.
• RickJWagner 5y ago
  If you have a hunch you want to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or something else that requires an advanced degree-- it's not too late. If you don't go back to school, be sure you save a decent percentage of your income and invest it wisely. If you don't like living where you're at, move. All of this is predicated on your being single, or at least not having kids. If you have kids, raise them to the best of your ability-- your life is not entirely all about you at this point.
• yesenadam 5y ago
  Not quite an answer, but I found Gail Sheehy's (bestselling) book Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life super-enlightening. Highly recommended. It's like a road map of broadly what to expect as you go through life, and get older, decade by decade. Things you might think are problems unique to you, you will learn are normal and part of life. Hard to explain, but I found it mind-blowingly good. Hmm I must read it again, it's been a while. Good luck! https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/82229.Passages https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/82229.Passages Gail Sheehy's brilliant road map of adult life shows the inevitable personality and sexual changes we go through in our 20s, 30s, 40s, and beyond. p.s. Watch this inspiring Open Mind interview with her first (it's on another another of her books, also about peoples' lives), then you'll be able to hear her writing in her voice while you read it! 27mins https://www.thirteen.org/openmind-archive/aging/pathfinders/ https://www.thirteen.org/openmind-archive/aging/pathfinders/
  • FWKevents 5y ago
    This is a great answer. Having a blueprint and knowing your challenges are not unique is very good for mental health.
• 7402 5y ago
  I wish I had kept better in touch with friends. It seemed so easy to find and have friends in school. I wish I had realized that it gets harder every year after.
• nickd2001 5y ago
  Like some others here, wish I'd had kids a bit younger so as to be around and in good health for them for longer. But you can't force such things. ;) The right person doesn't necessarily come along at the most convenient time. And the flip side is kids keep you young and childish yourself. I don't think there's anything I wish I'd done or known, life isn't perfect but I don't look back and think "if only I'd done that..." .Seems to me 40s isn't too bad. People worry too much. My advice - carry on and don't worry! ;)
• kylehotchkiss 5y ago
  Just turning 30 but I'd have to add: International travel. Covid pretty much made that not possible for the first 18 months and very difficult for the next 18 months. It was looking like things were improving for travel but then the Russian invasion happened. Travel somewhere rare and weird before it gets too late - and there are places now that aren't possible to visit anymore that were just 6 months ago. Knowing how the majority world lives has given me a much more humble worldview and appreciation for where I am. And a good laugh everytime some new startup claims to "change the world" or whatever. Second thing! Make sure to long-term archive your memories - whatever's on your phone, old tapes, old prints, etc. Get them scanned, uploaded, and backed up to 3 distinct locations. 30 years from now, you're gonna be so happy you did. My parents kept and recently mailed me a box of tape cassettes from when I was a baby 30 years back - very enjoyable watching those with my wife, has made my parents happy to watch, and will be fun to show those to my future children.
• borroka 5y ago
  1) Start a lucrative career much earlier. Money solves a lot of problems and makes life of much broader horizons. 2) Go out, date men/women as preferred, have as much exciting time and adventures as possible. 3) Move on from relationships that didn't work out as quickly as possible. Nothing is ever learned by crying over what is not there anymore. There is always something better waiting for you. And yes, you can let go of feelings. 4) Spend as little time as possible with friends/acquaintances who annoy you, conversations that aren't fun/interesting and go nowhere, attempts to convince or change other people's minds, especially partners and family.
  • FWKevents 5y ago
    I concur with all these points, but especially about money broadening your horizons. I thought in my twenties that money didn't matter. I learned as I got older that accumulating money is your personal freedom. A life without money is a life without nearly as many possibilities or personal power.
• dave333 5y ago
  At 67 I wish I had been more goal oriented toward a few specific achievements that I missed due to generally drifting along. Figure out what is important and/or what you love and make sure it's in your plan. Taking baby steps all along the way will compound your progress a lot. Another thing is that many people have a mid-life crisis in their 40s that can often be destructive. Try not to burn too many bridges. If you want to take some risks it's better done in your 20s or 30s.
• Maursault 5y ago
  I wish I had known then that eating a nearly ripe to ripe banana, or even a large crispy fresh apple, will induce an unlikely and almost miraculous erection, which even for healthy teens is useful for making it through the seventh inning stretch.
• wink 5y ago
  As I am approaching 40 I don't have a lot of meaningful things to add, maybe job hopping earlier (that would be late 20s) would have been beneficial for $$$ but I optimized for happiness. I do regret not taking up teen favorite outdoors activities (mountainbiking & snowboarding) again sooner (only did at ~33, would have had the money and time to do it 5 years earlier). Overall I think I did everything in this decade that I had missed out in my 20s due to studying and working too much. So maybe just don't think you're too old to behave like a 20 year old. (I actually do think I am too old and heavy to start skateboarding again, but I am prone to falling and hurting myself, so that's a personal problem, not an age problem.)
• warrenm 5y ago
  Eat better and be more active Because of [continued] poor lifestyle choices in my early-mid 30s, I had to get weightloss surgery in my late 30s You've only got one body - take care of it!
• sershe 5y ago
  I realized around 35-36 (only a few years ago) that the doors are actually closing, especially on physical activity related goals and travel... both as far as health/potential is concerned, and as far as time is concerned. I feel like I wasted quite a bit of time in my late 20ies-30ies. Even when doing something (e.g. outdoor stuff) I wish I was more focused on training, or traveling to exciting places, etc., and spent less time just dicking around with the hobby and doing whatever. Same applies to other pursuits like personal projects, although to a lesser extent because brain don't degrade as far as muscles. And probably work, although it's too early to tell. I wish I realized it earlier :)
• barrynevio 5y ago
  Professionally: Don't be afraid to jump jobs regardless of how scary that may be. You may have spent your 20s in a job where you've gotten comfortable and worked your way up but you've hit the ceiling and you may find it hard to jump ship and advance your career because you're scared. Don't be. Make the jump. Personally: Be happy, proud, and confident no matter your situation. Don't sacrifice family time for your career. Make your bed. Clean your desk. When you feel stuck, overwhelmed or discouraged, you need a "win" and it's best to take an easy win like beating a video game or finish reading a book. Because you're approaching your 30s, you may find this advice tedious or nonsensical because you're just looking for a stack overflow answer that you can copypasta into your life that fixes everything or makes you rich. There's no magic pill or life hack that fixes your problems. Just be the best version of yourself and good things will come.
• tomcam 5y ago
  Wish I had treated weight as my #1 priority
• deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
• FWKevents 5y ago
  I wish I had realized my value as an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurship provides tremendous value to society. While government gets gridlocked and seems incapable of providing even the simplest answers to human problems, entrepreneurship is solving human needs and providing value at a very fast pace. So many tools are available to ordinary people for free, that used to be expensive. Before the internet and the explosion of tech entrepreneurship, GPS systems once cost $400. Dating services with a human matchmaker once cost $2000. A file sharing system like Dropbox or Google would have taken a mainframe and a staggering amount of money to build just for a small group of people. Now all of these things are FREE to anyone who wants to use them and has a smartphone. And it shows also in the level of education and advancement I see among young people. The whole level of discourse is much higher-level than it was in the 1970s due to the sheer amount of information available to anyone with a smartphone or a laptop. Entrepreneurs are the people who make their own "luck," and shape their own destinies. And they do it all just by refraining from watching much television, TikTok/Snapchat, or playing too many video games, being efficient in their personal spending, and buckling down with commitment and vision to an idea to solve a human problem. They are the butterflies of the world - flying above a world of ordinary insects. On a darker note, however, I have had the sobering realization that we influence each other. It's imperative to avoid too much contact with negative or manipulative people. The people who are the best at manipulating others are the ones who seem the most charming or persuasive at first. Some can even be "pillars of the community" types and spout the importance of doing good for others, or having an advanced progressive political philosophy. These are the hardest to spot. They can worm their way into your life, and slowly take control over your way of thinking about things, until one day you wake up and wonder how you got to where you are. Red flags to look for are someone who makes subtle attempts to separate you from friends or family, and/or criticizes things about you that others let slide. I'm not talking about helpful, constructive criticism, but the kind of insidious criticism that sticks in your head, but does you no good. Avoiding such people can honestly mean the difference between you being able to build the future and being kind to yourself, or getting sucked into a vortex and not being able to save yourself, let alone build anything for others. It's super important to be aware of and avoid such people.
• yokoprime 5y ago
  There is little point in regretting things unless you can use it to modify and improve future behavior. As i get older i genuinely have fewer regrets than i had coming into my 30s.