7 ms·

No is a complete sentence

106 points by zdw 5y ago

aaron695 5y ago
greggsy 5y ago
I agree with the sentiment from the perspective of a networking professional, where any deviation from one aspect of a design can completely break the logic of its performance or security. However, it’s not good advice from a management perspective. ‘No’ is an absolute statement that implies inflexibility and does not invite discourse to justify a position. If it is applied more frequently for some people than others, it can raise issues around the perception of fairness, and even arrogance. It certainly had its place in certain political situations, but there are more tactful ways of saying no, like ‘we will be fulfilling the organisation’s need for performance by continuing down this path’, which is a positive statement.
nonrandomstring 5y ago
Returning a very terse answer to a person who has taken the time to make complex, well reasoned argument/request is rude though. And we all know that. With speech, the trick is to anticipate someone is building up to a "big ask", and cut it short, politely. Otherwise you're letting the other humiliate themself for a long time when you know your answer is going to have to be 'no'. Brevity is occasionally good. A quick and confident response can signal honesty. Or be efficient. At officer school they teach you "not to umm and err", or to "soften" speech. But most of the time, a response that isn't commensurate seems haughty. I notice some HN commentators doing it when they just write one word: "citatation?" Sure, it's mocking Wikipedia, I get that, but it's still jolly uncivil. (cue a dozen replies of "citation?" :)
- tootie 5y ago
  I also never say "no" to a valuable request. It's more a question of when. If your plate is full of higher priority work then the answer is "later". If it's a better use of time then everything else on my plate, everything else goes later. That's just agile 101.
- tejtm 5y ago
  I understand and agree from an all things being equal perspective. But thing are not all equal. I have worked with folks who could talk circles around a flock of Toastmaster clubs and weaponizing words in meetings relaying on social norms of "civil" as cover happens. The expected 10x effort to counter a falsehood can be inflated to 100x if it is dressed up real pretty. A Volumocracy, where the more verbose or apparently civil sounding party (not your stereotypical programmer) wins every argument might be a viable strategy when it is rhetoric, opinions, semi-solid-science (quagmire?) but there is absolutely a place for; "No." And though I agree more should be stated, I do strive to remain civil.
  - nonrandomstring 5y ago
    > Volumocracy Nice. edit: Sorry to come back in edit but you just made me think of something. Britain still has an insidious class system. A top engineer I know, absolutely formidable in mind and manner, said that during a C-level meeting he'd been "outposhed" by some Rupert (apologies to any actual Ruperts). The tactic is: talk very loudly in a plumby offensively over-confident RP accent, with a slight snorting sneer. Boris Johnson is the paradigmatic example - all the more because he's actually a not-posh kid who got beasted at boarding school into some serious over-compensation.
  - pjc50 5y ago
    > The expected 10x effort to counter a falsehood can be inflated to 100x if it is dressed up real pretty. This has become an overwhelming problem on the internet, and fundamentally it's why we have downvotes: it takes hundreds of keypresses and careful thought to counter nonsense or weaponized civility, and only one to downvote.
- pjc50 5y ago
  > At officer school they teach you "not to umm and err", or to "soften" speech. Many years ago, in a social rather than work setting, a friend of mine (A) who presented in the normal geek manner of appearance was trying to explain someone when another friend tried to talk on top of him. However, A had had a previous life where he'd joined the navy at 16, so he simply raised his voice to be heard while maintaining a conversational tone. The interrupter backed off, but tried again later, and was met with a full volume "JAMES I AM TALKING". A was allowed to finish his anecdote with no further interruptions. (This was at Cambridge, so all of us were several points ahead in "posh" to start with. It took me some years to fully appreciate how badly people who'd made it there on pure merit from a working class background could simply get conversationally "run over" all the time) Interpersonal power politics is real, even among a group of friends who have chosen each others company, and it can be quite sharp at the office, while at the same time it's usually constrained to not "breaking the surface". Hence the development of non-blunt no-equivalents such as "that's against policy" or "you'll have to clear that with X". But occasionally you do have to risk being seen as the bad guy in order to assert your position in the power hierarchy. (obligatory disclaimer too that many of these things have very different outcomes if the same words or manner of speech are used by a woman or non-white or second-language person)
hn_throwaway_99 5y ago
From an organizational perspective, this is horrible advice: > Let me tell you clearly. “No” is a complete sentence. It requires no explanation or defense. The "It requires no explanation or defense" part is just plain wrong. If someone asks you to do something in an organization, it's fine to say "No", but an explanation is nearly always expected. And this explanation is critical, because often time the answer is something like "I don't have time", when a positive, helpful rejoinder would be "What else would you like me to stop doing if you want me to do this other thing." This advice really just seems to my like something the "arrogant tech support guy" from SNL would say.
- nineteen999 5y ago
  It really depends on where the request is coming from. If it's from your manager or another department that depends on you, then sure, an explanation is probably a good idea. Anyone else, well, no. If their issue is important enough, they can escalate it to your manager.
  - AnimalMuppet 5y ago
    Well... it depends. If it is going to take me 10 minutes? Sure, I can spare 10 minutes to help you out. If it's going to take 10 months? No.
  - superfrank 5y ago
    I think this is still terrible advice. As a manager, I expect the people on my team to at least try to fight their own battles. I'm always there to help if they need me, but if I'm continually being called in to resolve disputes that could have been avoided with a few minutes of conversation, I'm going to be upset. It wastes everyone's time and strain on relationships with the people around you.
    - nineteen999 5y ago
      As a manager, and I have no compunction telling my team to try and fight their own battles first, and if they need to refer someone to me to resolve the issue, then to do so. I'm there to support my team 100% at all times as well as to deliver business outcomes. If you're getting upset over issues like this, perhaps management is not for you. Of course it may also depend on how tenuous the relationship with your own manager is.
tiborsaas 5y ago
This reminds me of this great scene from Lock stock and two smoking barrels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhCKYaD9p-0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhCKYaD9p-0 I occasionally do this IRL and it has the same humor to it, then of course I don't leave them hanging, but it's for a moment :)
paxys 5y ago
What kind of environment do people work in where this is acceptable advice? Daily interactions with other people, whether at work or outside, aren't meant to be algorithmic functions with a "yes" or "no" output. If you care to maintain actual relationships then your behavior has to be a lot more nuanced than that. Even though the response may be fully justified, you have to get that justification out there. People can't read your mind, and after a while you will stop getting the benefit of doubt. If I had a coworker who simply said "no" at times when they were assigned work, they wouldn't stay employed for very long.
- fuckdang1234 5y ago
ilaksh 5y ago
I would almost always have to go with "no, I don't have time, sorry". But even so, there are a lot of jobs or contracts where unfortunately things are basically structured so you really can't just refuse requests and keep the contract. But for people who have good savings and backup plans in case they are fired, it could be really helpful. Setting aside the exact content of the message, part of the idea at least is really critical. It is really hard to say no to a request. But oftentimes the success (or quality) of one or more projects can depend on it. These types of interactions where scope is negotiated are probably the hardest part about software engineering and also possibly the most critical. If I am truly honest with myself, probably almost all projects I have done have been stretched past their real budgets because I felt I had to fulfill some request that was not a real requirement.
saghm 5y ago
> Let me tell you clearly. “No” is a complete sentence. It requires no explanation or defense. Why would it matter if it's a complete sentence? If the response was "The fish is yellow at midnight", it would be a complete sentence but an absolutely useless answer, and the response was just nodding their head, that would be reasonable even without any words, let alone a sentence. To put it n programming terms, arguing that a response needs no explanation because it happens to be a grammatically compete sentence (which honestly is a bit questionable in this case) is like saying that the `reverse` method on a list is a valid sorting algorithm because it compiles. It's totally reasonable to express a sorting algorithm in pseudocode that doesn't compile in any real language, and there are obviously a vast number of methods that compile that don't do anything resembling sorting.
jagged-chisel 5y ago
If we’re talking about social consent (e.g. drinking, sex), absolutely “no” is a complete sentence. Or perhaps if you’re being asked at work to do something illegal. But working with others at your employer’s direction requires discussion, explanation, negotiation. “No” alone is a good way to let the employer know you don’t want to work there anymore.
AzzieElbab 5y ago
Fascinating but my kid discovered this when he was 3
- paulpauper 5y ago
  just more advice that seems easier in theory than in practice
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
paulpauper 5y ago
>Let me tell you clearly. “No” is a complete sentence. It requires no explanation or defense. It is the only thing you need to say when you know you won’t be able to do something no matter how much the other party tries to get you to agree. lol . if only it were so easy. Actions of consequences, some of which can be unpleasant.
mewse 5y ago
A “No” answer by itself implies one of two longer answers; either “No, and you should already know why not” (i.e.: “Hey, do you want to rob that bank with me?”), or “No, and I don’t owe you an explanation” (i.e.: “Do you want to go out sometime?”) I feel like in a work context, ‘no’s really need more of an explanation than that in most cases (with obvious exceptions if a request is wildly inappropriate or unethical). For work-related questions from folks higher up than you, a ‘no’ is a chance to give them more of a view of what’s going on in the trenches, and for those lower than you it’s a chance to mentor them and give them a wider view of the work, helping lift them up a little closer to your own level. And either way, that explanation for the ‘no’ is where all the value of the communication is coming from. If you don’t give the longer explanation immediately, it leaves the asker questioning whether you meant the “and I don’t owe you an explanation” or the “and you should already know why not” version of “no”. Neither of which is great for maintaining cordial work relationships.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
_8j50 5y ago
Yes.
mandeepj 5y ago
Depends upon who you talk to; for some it’s a starter https://youtu.be/guZa7mQV1l0?t=109 https://youtu.be/guZa7mQV1l0?t=109
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
not2b 5y ago
Rather than a direct no, some version of "Yes, if" usually works better. Yes, I can do that for you, if. If I'm given the resources to do that job, and I'm relieved of some existing work. Yes, if some prerequisite can be delivered by other people. Just lay out honestly what it would take to drop existing work and fulfill this additional request.
njharman 5y ago
You should feel empowered to say no. Just don’t be a dick about it. By, for instance, only saying “no”.
- beebeepka 5y ago
  What if you're replying to dick request? Surely just "no" would be appropriate. It's extremely contextual
  - xigoi 5y ago
    That's not the context of the article.
r_hoods_ghost 5y ago
Oh god not this again. I'm not sure if this is just ripped off or if this is another person encouraging others to commit career and / or social suicide. To be blunt if you do this to me in the workplace and you are my direct report you will get a verbal warning. If you do it repeatedly you will get fired. If you are a colleague and you do this I will report you, and will never help you. If you do this to me and I know you socially I will no longer want to spend any time with you. Edit: article this strongly reminds me of that is also terrible advice. https://erikvancraddock.com/2022/01/dont-explain/ https://erikvancraddock.com/2022/01/dont-explain/
- toomanybeersies 5y ago
  Reporting your colleagues for being curt is also career suicide.
  - r_hoods_ghost 5y ago
    This is not being curt though. This is deliberately ignoring social conventions in the workplace, consciously withholding information from your colleagues. If I ask you to do something as your boss I expect you to either of it or give ma reason as to why you can't do it. I may tell you to do it anyway. If you are a colleague and I ask you for help I expect you to either help, because I wouldn't ask you to help otherwise and I am probably asking you to do something that is literally your job to do, or I expect you to give me a good reason as to why you can't do what I am asking you to do. If you just say no then I am going to assume that you are literally refusing to do your job in which case you are a problem and I would rather I not have to work with you. As a manager if I get told that one of my direct reports has refused to do something without giving a reason that person is getting a serious talking to and if they do it again then HR is getting involved. Seriously. Don't do this.
- fuckdang1234 5y ago
shmoe 5y ago
And friend is a four letter word.
5tefan 5y ago
No is a valid conclusion an therefore a valid answer and a complete sentence. Not the only one, though. You have to find out the appropriate setting. It cuts nicely through bullshit, for example.
psychoslave 5y ago
Well "No." might be a complete sentence and enough to express unwillingness to proceed with the demand. But to my mind, as others already noticed here, it is not the most productive way to deal with refusal, especially if quality of relationship is taken in consideration. There are already plenty of great resources to answer negatively to the demand without damaging the relationship or the image that will be forged out of the way you behave, so just go and search for "how to say no"[1] [1] https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=how+to+say+no&ia=web https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=how+to+say+no&ia=web for the lazy, and here are the first result as I searched it: - https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-nicely-say-no https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-... - https://www.wikihow.com/Say-No https://www.wikihow.com/Say-No - https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-say-no/ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-say-no/ - https://www.grammarly.com/blog/saying-no/ https://www.grammarly.com/blog/saying-no/ From my readings on this topic, the main take away things I liked were formulations that - use positive assertive sentences: focus on what this refusal allow you to do, propose alternatives - make it clear why you will focus on something else: it can also gives clues on whether it’s likely a permanent case or a local agenda/load conflict - use the right level of kind firmness Here is an example to illustrate what I mean: "Thanks for your invitation at this restaurant, saying 'yes' would have delighted me, unfortunately I already have an other dinner planned at this date. Also I adopted a vegan regime, so what about going to Vegood the next Friday?" First, be kind, the person asking you is making some kind of recognition of your existence and possibly bet on your skill set. Secondly, making a word like "yes" appears in the sentence make the refusal psychologically easier to perceive as some positive response. Then there is first an exposition of a some incidental impossibility: a typical conflict of agenda. But there is also this more perennial constraints about what you can it (whether you chose the regime for ethical reasons or health imperative necessities). Finally you propose an alternative. Of course the alternative could also be some delegation on someone else than your future self: "My skill level on this technology would prevent me from achieving the task in due time. I think Ada would be way more qualified than me for this mission, or if she’s too busy, maybe ask Zeno: if he can’t help you directly, he is well connected with all experts in this domain."
simonh 5y ago
Is “arrogant condescending arse” a complete sentence too?
amelius 5y ago
Shouldn't a sentence contain at least a verb?
- krapp 5y ago
  No.
- TehCorwiz 5y ago
  What verb can I answer this with?
  - amelius 5y ago
    "Yes, a sentence should contain a verb."

106 points by zdw 5y ago

I agree with the sentiment from the perspective of a networking professional, where any deviation from one aspect of a design can completely break the logic of its performance or security. However, it’s not good advice from a management perspective. ‘No’ is an absolute statement that implies inflexibility and does not invite discourse to justify a position. If it is applied more frequently for some people than others, it can raise issues around the perception of fairness, and even arrogance. It certainly had its place in certain political situations, but there are more tactful ways of saying no, like ‘we will be fulfilling the organisation’s need for performance by continuing down this path’, which is a positive statement.

nonrandomstring 5y ago

Returning a very terse answer to a person who has taken the time to make complex, well reasoned argument/request is rude though. And we all know that. With speech, the trick is to anticipate someone is building up to a "big ask", and cut it short, politely. Otherwise you're letting the other humiliate themself for a long time when you know your answer is going to have to be 'no'. Brevity is occasionally good. A quick and confident response can signal honesty. Or be efficient. At officer school they teach you "not to umm and err", or to "soften" speech. But most of the time, a response that isn't commensurate seems haughty. I notice some HN commentators doing it when they just write one word: "citatation?" Sure, it's mocking Wikipedia, I get that, but it's still jolly uncivil. (cue a dozen replies of "citation?" :)

tootie 5y ago
I also never say "no" to a valuable request. It's more a question of when. If your plate is full of higher priority work then the answer is "later". If it's a better use of time then everything else on my plate, everything else goes later. That's just agile 101.
tejtm 5y ago
I understand and agree from an all things being equal perspective. But thing are not all equal. I have worked with folks who could talk circles around a flock of Toastmaster clubs and weaponizing words in meetings relaying on social norms of "civil" as cover happens. The expected 10x effort to counter a falsehood can be inflated to 100x if it is dressed up real pretty. A Volumocracy, where the more verbose or apparently civil sounding party (not your stereotypical programmer) wins every argument might be a viable strategy when it is rhetoric, opinions, semi-solid-science (quagmire?) but there is absolutely a place for; "No." And though I agree more should be stated, I do strive to remain civil.
- nonrandomstring 5y ago
  > Volumocracy Nice. edit: Sorry to come back in edit but you just made me think of something. Britain still has an insidious class system. A top engineer I know, absolutely formidable in mind and manner, said that during a C-level meeting he'd been "outposhed" by some Rupert (apologies to any actual Ruperts). The tactic is: talk very loudly in a plumby offensively over-confident RP accent, with a slight snorting sneer. Boris Johnson is the paradigmatic example - all the more because he's actually a not-posh kid who got beasted at boarding school into some serious over-compensation.
- pjc50 5y ago
  > The expected 10x effort to counter a falsehood can be inflated to 100x if it is dressed up real pretty. This has become an overwhelming problem on the internet, and fundamentally it's why we have downvotes: it takes hundreds of keypresses and careful thought to counter nonsense or weaponized civility, and only one to downvote.
pjc50 5y ago
> At officer school they teach you "not to umm and err", or to "soften" speech. Many years ago, in a social rather than work setting, a friend of mine (A) who presented in the normal geek manner of appearance was trying to explain someone when another friend tried to talk on top of him. However, A had had a previous life where he'd joined the navy at 16, so he simply raised his voice to be heard while maintaining a conversational tone. The interrupter backed off, but tried again later, and was met with a full volume "JAMES I AM TALKING". A was allowed to finish his anecdote with no further interruptions. (This was at Cambridge, so all of us were several points ahead in "posh" to start with. It took me some years to fully appreciate how badly people who'd made it there on pure merit from a working class background could simply get conversationally "run over" all the time) Interpersonal power politics is real, even among a group of friends who have chosen each others company, and it can be quite sharp at the office, while at the same time it's usually constrained to not "breaking the surface". Hence the development of non-blunt no-equivalents such as "that's against policy" or "you'll have to clear that with X". But occasionally you do have to risk being seen as the bad guy in order to assert your position in the power hierarchy. (obligatory disclaimer too that many of these things have very different outcomes if the same words or manner of speech are used by a woman or non-white or second-language person)

hn_throwaway_99 5y ago

From an organizational perspective, this is horrible advice: > Let me tell you clearly. “No” is a complete sentence. It requires no explanation or defense. The "It requires no explanation or defense" part is just plain wrong. If someone asks you to do something in an organization, it's fine to say "No", but an explanation is nearly always expected. And this explanation is critical, because often time the answer is something like "I don't have time", when a positive, helpful rejoinder would be "What else would you like me to stop doing if you want me to do this other thing." This advice really just seems to my like something the "arrogant tech support guy" from SNL would say.

nineteen999 5y ago
It really depends on where the request is coming from. If it's from your manager or another department that depends on you, then sure, an explanation is probably a good idea. Anyone else, well, no. If their issue is important enough, they can escalate it to your manager.
- AnimalMuppet 5y ago
  Well... it depends. If it is going to take me 10 minutes? Sure, I can spare 10 minutes to help you out. If it's going to take 10 months? No.
- superfrank 5y ago
  I think this is still terrible advice. As a manager, I expect the people on my team to at least try to fight their own battles. I'm always there to help if they need me, but if I'm continually being called in to resolve disputes that could have been avoided with a few minutes of conversation, I'm going to be upset. It wastes everyone's time and strain on relationships with the people around you.
  - nineteen999 5y ago
    As a manager, and I have no compunction telling my team to try and fight their own battles first, and if they need to refer someone to me to resolve the issue, then to do so. I'm there to support my team 100% at all times as well as to deliver business outcomes. If you're getting upset over issues like this, perhaps management is not for you. Of course it may also depend on how tenuous the relationship with your own manager is.

tiborsaas 5y ago

This reminds me of this great scene from Lock stock and two smoking barrels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhCKYaD9p-0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhCKYaD9p-0 I occasionally do this IRL and it has the same humor to it, then of course I don't leave them hanging, but it's for a moment :)

paxys 5y ago

What kind of environment do people work in where this is acceptable advice? Daily interactions with other people, whether at work or outside, aren't meant to be algorithmic functions with a "yes" or "no" output. If you care to maintain actual relationships then your behavior has to be a lot more nuanced than that. Even though the response may be fully justified, you have to get that justification out there. People can't read your mind, and after a while you will stop getting the benefit of doubt. If I had a coworker who simply said "no" at times when they were assigned work, they wouldn't stay employed for very long.

fuckdang1234 5y ago

ilaksh 5y ago

I would almost always have to go with "no, I don't have time, sorry". But even so, there are a lot of jobs or contracts where unfortunately things are basically structured so you really can't just refuse requests and keep the contract. But for people who have good savings and backup plans in case they are fired, it could be really helpful. Setting aside the exact content of the message, part of the idea at least is really critical. It is really hard to say no to a request. But oftentimes the success (or quality) of one or more projects can depend on it. These types of interactions where scope is negotiated are probably the hardest part about software engineering and also possibly the most critical. If I am truly honest with myself, probably almost all projects I have done have been stretched past their real budgets because I felt I had to fulfill some request that was not a real requirement.

saghm 5y ago

> Let me tell you clearly. “No” is a complete sentence. It requires no explanation or defense. Why would it matter if it's a complete sentence? If the response was "The fish is yellow at midnight", it would be a complete sentence but an absolutely useless answer, and the response was just nodding their head, that would be reasonable even without any words, let alone a sentence. To put it n programming terms, arguing that a response needs no explanation because it happens to be a grammatically compete sentence (which honestly is a bit questionable in this case) is like saying that the `reverse` method on a list is a valid sorting algorithm because it compiles. It's totally reasonable to express a sorting algorithm in pseudocode that doesn't compile in any real language, and there are obviously a vast number of methods that compile that don't do anything resembling sorting.

jagged-chisel 5y ago

If we’re talking about social consent (e.g. drinking, sex), absolutely “no” is a complete sentence. Or perhaps if you’re being asked at work to do something illegal. But working with others at your employer’s direction requires discussion, explanation, negotiation. “No” alone is a good way to let the employer know you don’t want to work there anymore.

AzzieElbab 5y ago

Fascinating but my kid discovered this when he was 3

paulpauper 5y ago
just more advice that seems easier in theory than in practice

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

paulpauper 5y ago

>Let me tell you clearly. “No” is a complete sentence. It requires no explanation or defense. It is the only thing you need to say when you know you won’t be able to do something no matter how much the other party tries to get you to agree. lol . if only it were so easy. Actions of consequences, some of which can be unpleasant.

mewse 5y ago

A “No” answer by itself implies one of two longer answers; either “No, and you should already know why not” (i.e.: “Hey, do you want to rob that bank with me?”), or “No, and I don’t owe you an explanation” (i.e.: “Do you want to go out sometime?”) I feel like in a work context, ‘no’s really need more of an explanation than that in most cases (with obvious exceptions if a request is wildly inappropriate or unethical). For work-related questions from folks higher up than you, a ‘no’ is a chance to give them more of a view of what’s going on in the trenches, and for those lower than you it’s a chance to mentor them and give them a wider view of the work, helping lift them up a little closer to your own level. And either way, that explanation for the ‘no’ is where all the value of the communication is coming from. If you don’t give the longer explanation immediately, it leaves the asker questioning whether you meant the “and I don’t owe you an explanation” or the “and you should already know why not” version of “no”. Neither of which is great for maintaining cordial work relationships.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

_8j50 5y ago

Yes.

mandeepj 5y ago

Depends upon who you talk to; for some it’s a starter https://youtu.be/guZa7mQV1l0?t=109 https://youtu.be/guZa7mQV1l0?t=109

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

not2b 5y ago

Rather than a direct no, some version of "Yes, if" usually works better. Yes, I can do that for you, if. If I'm given the resources to do that job, and I'm relieved of some existing work. Yes, if some prerequisite can be delivered by other people. Just lay out honestly what it would take to drop existing work and fulfill this additional request.

njharman 5y ago

You should feel empowered to say no. Just don’t be a dick about it. By, for instance, only saying “no”.

beebeepka 5y ago
What if you're replying to dick request? Surely just "no" would be appropriate. It's extremely contextual
- xigoi 5y ago
  That's not the context of the article.

r_hoods_ghost 5y ago

Oh god not this again. I'm not sure if this is just ripped off or if this is another person encouraging others to commit career and / or social suicide. To be blunt if you do this to me in the workplace and you are my direct report you will get a verbal warning. If you do it repeatedly you will get fired. If you are a colleague and you do this I will report you, and will never help you. If you do this to me and I know you socially I will no longer want to spend any time with you. Edit: article this strongly reminds me of that is also terrible advice. https://erikvancraddock.com/2022/01/dont-explain/ https://erikvancraddock.com/2022/01/dont-explain/

toomanybeersies 5y ago
Reporting your colleagues for being curt is also career suicide.
- r_hoods_ghost 5y ago
  This is not being curt though. This is deliberately ignoring social conventions in the workplace, consciously withholding information from your colleagues. If I ask you to do something as your boss I expect you to either of it or give ma reason as to why you can't do it. I may tell you to do it anyway. If you are a colleague and I ask you for help I expect you to either help, because I wouldn't ask you to help otherwise and I am probably asking you to do something that is literally your job to do, or I expect you to give me a good reason as to why you can't do what I am asking you to do. If you just say no then I am going to assume that you are literally refusing to do your job in which case you are a problem and I would rather I not have to work with you. As a manager if I get told that one of my direct reports has refused to do something without giving a reason that person is getting a serious talking to and if they do it again then HR is getting involved. Seriously. Don't do this.
fuckdang1234 5y ago

shmoe 5y ago

And friend is a four letter word.

5tefan 5y ago

No is a valid conclusion an therefore a valid answer and a complete sentence. Not the only one, though. You have to find out the appropriate setting. It cuts nicely through bullshit, for example.

psychoslave 5y ago

Well "No." might be a complete sentence and enough to express unwillingness to proceed with the demand. But to my mind, as others already noticed here, it is not the most productive way to deal with refusal, especially if quality of relationship is taken in consideration. There are already plenty of great resources to answer negatively to the demand without damaging the relationship or the image that will be forged out of the way you behave, so just go and search for "how to say no"[1] [1] https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=how+to+say+no&ia=web https://duckduckgo.com/?t=ffab&q=how+to+say+no&ia=web for the lazy, and here are the first result as I searched it: - https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-nicely-say-no https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-... - https://www.wikihow.com/Say-No https://www.wikihow.com/Say-No - https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-say-no/ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-say-no/ - https://www.grammarly.com/blog/saying-no/ https://www.grammarly.com/blog/saying-no/ From my readings on this topic, the main take away things I liked were formulations that - use positive assertive sentences: focus on what this refusal allow you to do, propose alternatives - make it clear why you will focus on something else: it can also gives clues on whether it’s likely a permanent case or a local agenda/load conflict - use the right level of kind firmness Here is an example to illustrate what I mean: "Thanks for your invitation at this restaurant, saying 'yes' would have delighted me, unfortunately I already have an other dinner planned at this date. Also I adopted a vegan regime, so what about going to Vegood the next Friday?" First, be kind, the person asking you is making some kind of recognition of your existence and possibly bet on your skill set. Secondly, making a word like "yes" appears in the sentence make the refusal psychologically easier to perceive as some positive response. Then there is first an exposition of a some incidental impossibility: a typical conflict of agenda. But there is also this more perennial constraints about what you can it (whether you chose the regime for ethical reasons or health imperative necessities). Finally you propose an alternative. Of course the alternative could also be some delegation on someone else than your future self: "My skill level on this technology would prevent me from achieving the task in due time. I think Ada would be way more qualified than me for this mission, or if she’s too busy, maybe ask Zeno: if he can’t help you directly, he is well connected with all experts in this domain."

simonh 5y ago

Is “arrogant condescending arse” a complete sentence too?

amelius 5y ago

Shouldn't a sentence contain at least a verb?

krapp 5y ago
No.
TehCorwiz 5y ago
What verb can I answer this with?
- amelius 5y ago
  "Yes, a sentence should contain a verb."