6 ms·

That is an excellent point. Yes, usually parents do "what is best for their children". However, good intentions do not guarantee good results. It took me 20 ye

That is an excellent point. Yes, usually parents do "what is best for their children". However, good intentions do not guarantee good results. It took me 20 years to undo some of the more direct damage done to me by forcing me into a path I didn't want. Parents being completely wrong for the right reasons is very much a thing. That doesn't even count psychological damage almost guaranteed to lurk in there pretty much forever

Ntrails 5y ago
I think people find it very easy to judge parenting from the outside and/or with hindsight, whether their own or other peoples. I know that my children will wish I did things differently. Whether that is location, discipline, activities, internet access etc etc. I know they will wish I made more reasoned choices in the moment. That I was never tired, distracted, frustrated. That I let them spend their time as they wished not as I feel is best for them. Parenting is a parade of tough choices using vague heuristics and life experience. Being well intentioned is a bloody good start.
- turkishmonky 5y ago
  I fully expect to make many mistakes as a parent, and there's a lot of things I could have done better. As a child though, many decisions my parents made were with the view of demonizing outside groups and "protecting" their kids from any contrarian viewpoints. Catching up socially took years, and there are some extreme harms that I still deal with to this day. My goal is to make sure my kids have a well-rounded social life, a consideration for others, and an understanding of a gamut of ideas.
- zamfi 5y ago
  > Being well intentioned is a bloody good start. This sadly depends a lot on the community. Being well-intentioned but misinformed in fundamental ways can cause a lot of harm.
- beebeepka 5y ago
  I am glad you had a nice childhood. Now, would you try to be as understanding to children as to you to fellow parents. Being well intentioned and caring is the bare expected minimum. Why do we need to repeat this?
  - Ntrails 5y ago
    I am talking about adults judging other adults decision with hindsight and out of real time with time to reflect. You are welcome to throw stones if it makes you feel better, but try not to get hit when one flies back through your window in a few years.
    - beebeepka 5y ago
      - Ntrails 5y ago
        > Bad parenting is a thing. No shit sherlock. Here are some more hot takes for you: - too much screen time is bad - hitting children is generally counter productive - feeding a toddler highly processed foods full of sugar is not a good idea Armed with this incredible wisdom you can go off and spend more time thinking how stupid and bad other people are at parenting. Have fun!
        Jensson 5y ago
        This isn't about "other peopke" though, recognising that your own parents are bad parents is very important, not sure why you try to dismiss that. People telling you that you are wrong, your parents actually did good, is just gaslighting and damaging.
        nradov 5y ago
        You seem to have a very distorted view. Have you considered the possibility that those people aren't gaslighting you, and that they might be correct?
- heavenlyblue 5y ago
  > I think people find it very easy to judge parenting from the outside and/or with hindsight, whether their own or other peoples. Surely it is easier in hindsight. Nevertheless, there’s this golden rule of “parents should always be forgiven” when if fact it should be “children should not be forced to keep their connection to parents if they don’t want to”. You, as a parent, are not giving them the “chance to live”, you are bringing them to a world where they probably want to be happy, and if you failed to make them happy they should not be forced to keep you in their life because “a parent gave them the privilege of living”. Yes parenting is hard. Yes I understand parents make unoptimal decisions all the time. That’s their problem.

Ntrails 5y ago

I think people find it very easy to judge parenting from the outside and/or with hindsight, whether their own or other peoples. I know that my children will wish I did things differently. Whether that is location, discipline, activities, internet access etc etc. I know they will wish I made more reasoned choices in the moment. That I was never tired, distracted, frustrated. That I let them spend their time as they wished not as I feel is best for them. Parenting is a parade of tough choices using vague heuristics and life experience. Being well intentioned is a bloody good start.

turkishmonky 5y ago
I fully expect to make many mistakes as a parent, and there's a lot of things I could have done better. As a child though, many decisions my parents made were with the view of demonizing outside groups and "protecting" their kids from any contrarian viewpoints. Catching up socially took years, and there are some extreme harms that I still deal with to this day. My goal is to make sure my kids have a well-rounded social life, a consideration for others, and an understanding of a gamut of ideas.
zamfi 5y ago
> Being well intentioned is a bloody good start. This sadly depends a lot on the community. Being well-intentioned but misinformed in fundamental ways can cause a lot of harm.
beebeepka 5y ago
I am glad you had a nice childhood. Now, would you try to be as understanding to children as to you to fellow parents. Being well intentioned and caring is the bare expected minimum. Why do we need to repeat this?
- Ntrails 5y ago
  I am talking about adults judging other adults decision with hindsight and out of real time with time to reflect. You are welcome to throw stones if it makes you feel better, but try not to get hit when one flies back through your window in a few years.
  - beebeepka 5y ago
    - Ntrails 5y ago
      > Bad parenting is a thing. No shit sherlock. Here are some more hot takes for you: - too much screen time is bad - hitting children is generally counter productive - feeding a toddler highly processed foods full of sugar is not a good idea Armed with this incredible wisdom you can go off and spend more time thinking how stupid and bad other people are at parenting. Have fun!
      - Jensson 5y ago
        This isn't about "other peopke" though, recognising that your own parents are bad parents is very important, not sure why you try to dismiss that. People telling you that you are wrong, your parents actually did good, is just gaslighting and damaging.
        nradov 5y ago
        You seem to have a very distorted view. Have you considered the possibility that those people aren't gaslighting you, and that they might be correct?
heavenlyblue 5y ago
> I think people find it very easy to judge parenting from the outside and/or with hindsight, whether their own or other peoples. Surely it is easier in hindsight. Nevertheless, there’s this golden rule of “parents should always be forgiven” when if fact it should be “children should not be forced to keep their connection to parents if they don’t want to”. You, as a parent, are not giving them the “chance to live”, you are bringing them to a world where they probably want to be happy, and if you failed to make them happy they should not be forced to keep you in their life because “a parent gave them the privilege of living”. Yes parenting is hard. Yes I understand parents make unoptimal decisions all the time. That’s their problem.