18 ms·

How to get the most out of your 1:1s

• somewhereoutth 5y ago
  As an English person in Silicon Valley, I considered them an unpleasant 'cost of doing business' as I went about bagging the absurd paycheck. The trip lasted rather longer than I expected, to be honest!
• peakaboo 5y ago
  I have 1 on 1s too and we talk about anything at all, including status updates if the employee wants too. Because it all builds a connection. It's like a coffee chat. I think it works the best when it's completely open to anything at all.
  • kqr 5y ago
    I agree with you that if the worker wants to turn it into a status update, they should be allowed to. However... why do they feel like turning it into a status update? Is it because the manager isn't sufficiently looped in to what's happening on a daily basis?
    • throwaway1777 5y ago
      This is often the case. Gotta get credit and feedback on your work.
    • bawolff 5y ago
      Sometimes, because a status update is less awkward than sitting there in silence.
    • jcims 5y ago
      I have 30 minute 1:1’s every week with my team (8 engineers). I’m in weekly backlog grooming sessions, semi-weekly demos, retros and sprint planning and of course daily standups. I’m in weekly status calls with two separate customers and weekly prioritization calls with product. I’m in constant dozer mode trying to clear a path for my team to eliminate blockers, execute bullshit corp process and help them resolve issues hands-on. I have a team member in my ear 80% of the week and half of them still prefer to regurgitate status than have any kind of other conversation. At times I’ll interrupt them and say ’this isnt a status call, this is your time to complain, vent, suggest, ask whatever you like and find a way for me to help you’. I always try to keep them upbeat and ask about the weekend, hobbies, etc. Not everybody wants that conversation i think. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
      • hef19898 5y ago
        In 1:1s with my managers I was always happy to get the undivided attention of my manager to discuss status updates.
        • jcims 5y ago
          That’s 100% perfectly fine for me as well if we’re starting from a baseline of you talking about what’s important to you. It’s unfortunate that we have to ration time like this but it ensures that folks who normally wouldn’t initiate a conversation have one initiated for them.
      • saila 5y ago
        Have you tried building trust? The tone of your comment here makes me think you haven’t. If you build trust with people, they’ll just tell you things. If you just say they can tell you things, no rational employee will believe that. And pushing people to talk about their weekend or other aspects of their personal life is downright toxic IMO. Again, if you build trust and rapport, you won’t have to ask these rote, off-the-shelf questions that can put people into a wary state of mind.
        • 8n4vidtmkvmk 5y ago
          +1. I'm certainly not keen on sharing anything personal with a manager. we're not friends. I'm not going to tell you how i got drunk and puked or whatever, that's not appropriate and it's not doing me any favors career wise.
        • jcims 5y ago
          Trust is the centerpiece of my job, I’m certain that I’m not perfect but it’s something I can use to contextualize every decision and steer towards the best answer. I’m sure my words could evoke a notion of some bully creeping on employees but I am just trying to break habits. I don’t force anything and as others have mentioned sometimes a status update is exactly what folks want to discuss.
      • danparsonson 5y ago
    • ajb 5y ago
      A significant fraction of engineers, often the ones who are most deep into their work, have a tendency to just do a brain dump of what they're working on, just because that's what they've currently assembled in their heads. It isn't necessarily useful in a 1:1 but it seems almost involuntary, so I'm not sure it's good to stop them before they've gone through it. May just have to allocate more time to allow them to get through it to any other issues they might have.
      • 8n4vidtmkvmk 5y ago
        ya.. if i was productive until 10 seconds before this meeting, then that's whats on my mind. im still solving things in my head and now im being pulled away from that.. for what? i feel like managers are in a different world, jumping from meeting to meeting they don't get deep into things. as a SWE.. I'm balancing 100 little things in my head, deep in thought, solving away.
      • shinryuu 5y ago
        Honestly, I never know what to talk about on 1:1, so that's mostly what I do. I'm not having any particular issues and I'm communicating with the other team members if there is anything I need from them to do my work. So what am I supposed to do in a situation like that? Nothing is really broken, so I don't have much of constructive points to bring up.
      • rramadass 5y ago
        Right. Set a time limit but not an agenda. Let them be free to tell you anything even if you think it is unnecessary. They key is to build psychological rapport so that gradually he/she feels more comfortable to open up and start Trusting you.
    • deleted 5y ago
      [deleted]
    • 8n4vidtmkvmk 5y ago
      because we have nothing else to say. we don't need any help from you, the manager. the project is going fine, but you're our least helpful resource. I'll go to the subject matter expert if i need specific things answered. I'm not fighting with any teammates. I'm not blocked. i was perfectly productive before this meeting, but now I'm interrupted. we already talked about career development. we don't need to go over that every week. really, I've got nothing. maybe once in awhile I'll get miffed at a teammate that doesn't see my point of view but even then i don't expect a manager to do much. they're not keen on taking sides. that's not to say i think my manager is useless. they're great, and i was much happier once i realized they basically work for me than i do for them. they're here to help and that's lovely, but aside from escalating cross team requests here and there, i really don't need much.
      • shinryuu 5y ago
        Pretty much this!
      • rramadass 5y ago
        Bingo! This is the best i have read all week. You will love this HBR article : https://hbr.org/2011/12/first-lets-fire-all-the-managers https://hbr.org/2011/12/first-lets-fire-all-the-managers
        • jarl-ragnar 5y ago
          Great article, the intro captures the core reasons why I recently quit as an engineering manager at a multi-national aerospace company. It also rather succinctly underlines how Boeing end up with the 737 Max situation.
          • rramadass 5y ago
            The author of the article Gary Hamel, has written a book elaborating on the theme named, Humanocracy: Creating Organizations as Amazing as the People Inside Them which you may find useful. Also see Management: A Political Activity by Ted Stephenson.
      • 5y ago
• taubek 5y ago
  Our company policy about 1:1 is pretty similar to what is outlined in this article.
• popotamonga 5y ago
  I've seen it all. From hobbies to marital problems.
  • rramadass 5y ago
    That comes with the territory.
• tinkertamper 5y ago
  I used to have a boss who’d ask me to rate my company satisfaction with the company 1-10 at every 1:1. This always struck me as one of the laziest/misguided management moves I’ve encountered, and I’m sure he felt it was both accurate and clever. If you manage people, and don’t understand that basic power dynamics will always trump encouragements for “openness”, you are naive at best and willfully blind at worst.
  • hef19898 5y ago
    One of things I always looked out for as manager (which I am not currently) was a change in feed-back I got. If it turned from open, direct and honest to tounge-in-cheek, carefully worded and limited, punctuated with various versions of "nothing to report" I took it as a sign something was wrong. Obviously, this effect is much easier when you are not in a management position. Because of that I was usually borderline paranoid about these changes in 1:1s with my directs. In small teams I found the way to have informal, spontaneous 1:1s very effective. The basis, so, always was regularly scheduled ones unless you just forget to have them. EDIT: For sure every 1:1 is different, and every 1:1 with different people need to be run differently. Some people like to discuss private stuff, others want in-depth tech discussions. Sometimes 1:1s are over in 5 minutes, sometimes they take an hour. Be flexible, and never use anything said in a 1:1 "against" the other person.
  • vasco 5y ago
    Not to defend the constant ratings, but imagine managers are not in fact all stupid for a second, and that they realize the power dynamic is there. You still need to do the same job and fulfill the expectations of your own manager, as a manager. It's easy to assume stupidity, and I'm sure there's plenty dumb moves made, but what you find cringy another report finds cool and easy. I bet there are people who would love a no fluff rating and be done vs a bullshit 10 mins of talk where in the end the manager still makes a mental note of your face next to a 7/10. Anyone who manages people sees completely different reactions from different people to exactly the same thing, so that isn't surprising. But sometimes engineers adopt a cynical view of it all where because you don't like something it must mean nobody does.
• sergiotapia 5y ago
  I've led large orgs and fucked it up a few times in the beginning. My #1 best recommendation for those starting out is to always tell your direct reports that this is their time and you guys can talk about whatever is on your mind. Like the article says, make sure you verbalize this is not a status update meeting. What's obvious to you is not obvious to them. If you guys run out of topics to chop up, I also recommend asking for advice from your direct report about any subject that's on your mind. It builds rapport.
• bread_butter 5y ago
  I also think the managers should come with conversation starters to these meetings. Be curious about what your reports do and proactively ask them about something specific they did last month and anything they can do to improve. Coming with a blank slate because you think you are doing someone a favor by giving them your time will always lead to status updates or awkward silences.
  • rramadass 5y ago
    Good point! These etiquette do make a difference.
  • sunny3 5y ago
    The conversation starter needs to be chosen carefully though. If it's a question about a project, it may be easily construed as dissatisfaction on the progress of the project, when the manager is neutrally curious.
• hunglee2 5y ago
  one good way to 'get the conversation going', as well as provide invaluable feedback, is to reverse roles and start the session with the employee review of your own performance as their manager. You can even say 'hey, this 1:1 is for me rather than you!'. It's fun and serious at the same time, and if you do it without ego you can learn a lot about how you are impacting your employees work, what you need to do to make a more conducive environment for them to thrive.
  • benhurmarcel 5y ago
    As the employee I can't imagine I would ever tell any true criticism of my manager to his face, even if he asks for it and says he puts his ego inside. He's the one with the power, he's deciding the raises, he's in the room his HR when they're discussing promotions.
  • ReaLNero 5y ago
    Don't quite understand this. Bolstering yourself would seem awakward for the other person, while criticizing yourself would just be a bad look in front of the person who decides promotions.
  • account-5 5y ago
    As the employee this is fraught with danger. If my manager proposed this during a one to one I'd stop the meeting right there.
  • alar44 5y ago
    I hate this because it's completely transparent. Anyone with an ounce of intelligence bucks this.
  • mafro 5y ago
    As the peer comments attest, this approach will only be successful where you have a solid psychological safety between manager and reports.
  • darkerside 5y ago
    I like to make jokes. As a manager, I realize that there are certain jokes I can't make anymore, and this is one of them.
• gorgoiler 5y ago
  Completely unimportant, but anyone else call them one to ones? Where did this one on one thing come from? A one on one is a boxing match or a schoolyard fight, not an open chat. 8:2:1 is a ratio of cocktail ingredients. 16:9 is an aspect ratio. 1:7 is a steep hill to climb. To, by, and in respectively. The latter two would be weird choices but at least they’d be consistent with the syntax of x:y. “on” though?! Where did that come from? Don’t say “Japanese poetry” :)
  • alar44 5y ago
    No.
  • mas-ev 5y ago
    My random etymology guess here is one on one is from the origin of one vs one. One coming out ON top of the other. So one on one becoming simpler slang implying the same as versus. Now one to one implies an equal relationship and especially in our field it feels weird imo to call them one to ones. Typical, you aren't equal levels in a 1:1 meeting. So maybe the one on one caught on because of the subtlety of one being on top of or above the other. Face to face sounds too literal and agressive. 1:1 is an easy clear way to represent one on one. Although, we are forcing a double meaning on it. But hey that's the great thing about language. It's ever evolving. Personally, in meeting titles I write PersonA/PersonB but I do type 1:1 over one on one when referring to the meeting type.
    • jq-r 5y ago
      I always write 1on1. It makes it clear what it is. 1:1 seems like a scale indication.
    • darkerside 5y ago
      The following is all opinion. The whole point of a 1:1 is an opportunity to see your direct as a person and not as a direct. It puts you on equal playing ground for the moment, and as a manager, it is your responsibility to make sure your direct feels that way. When they trust you, they'll tell you how they really feel. That means being open about what they want out of their career, when they are thinking about leaving, when there's an uncomfortable problem on the team. That is what 1:1 is for, and that's why I always refer to them as a one-to-one and not a one-on-one.
• polishdude20 5y ago
  What I don't like is when I as the employer need to take the initiative to do the 1 on 1 and then do it with the feeling like I'm wasting my bosses time.
  • darkerside 5y ago
    Have you tried asking your boss what they want out of the meeting?
    • polishdude20 5y ago
      Yeah, usually says it's for me and I can talk about whatever.
      • darkerside 5y ago
        Maybe try a Five Why's approach to getting him to tell you what he is looking to get out of it. If there's nothing in it for him, then you are literally wasting his time. He may be a new manager, in which case, maybe point him to building trust with you, understanding your interests and career goals, and learning about others on the team. Those are all valuable for him, even if he doesn't know if yet. Just realized I assumed gender so apologies to her if I was wrong.
• faangiq 5y ago
  They’re basically kabuki nonsense like most of corporate America. No one benefits but everyone goes through the motions.
  • KTallguy 5y ago
    I disagree. I approach 1:1s as an opportunity to just shoot the shit if that person is interested, or if there is something on their mind they can choose to chat about it. As the article states, it's that person's chance to completely dictate the conversation. I think the best is to personalize things as best you can (depending on your team size). Some personalities are less interested in talking, which is fine―I just try to make sure nothing is blocking them or they're not dissatisfied. Some people love to talk about their life, and I usually have to time-box that. I genuinely care about how my team is doing and want to help them grow, so 1:1s are my main opportunity to figure out how I can help them... especially in the era of remote work.
    • lnsru 5y ago
      I am glad for your team, that you genuinely care. There are enough people stuck in management positions that should sit locked in the basement instead of managing people and making their lives miserable. Currently my one-on-ones are 20 minutes meetings once a year where manager reads from paper what he thinks about my performance last year. I have no right to question his decision. I could open a case with HR to review my review, but it will not improve anything for sure. As long my reviews are good I am good.
      • KTallguy 5y ago
        I get it. I've had my share of bad managers. What you described sounds like a performance review... I think 1:1s should be monthly or weekly, depending on the team.
  • jackblemming 5y ago
    Most rituals boil down to forcing communication in superficial ways. Heaven forbid managers have to actually manage.
• fedlarm 5y ago
  I know this article and comments here are mostly related to 1:1s with your boss. But I also use them in a not boss related situation, like scheduled 1:1s with an architect or ux designer if they are not fully assigned to a team.
• blfr 5y ago
  I take notes throughout the week of what I want to discuss during the 1:1 and pretty much every other upcoming meeting.
  • elevatortrim 5y ago
    I also do this. I have a 1:1 document for each of my reports and also each ongoing meeting that I run. The top title is always “Next meeting”. I note down discussion items there and during the meeting the title is converted to a date and under each item, I summarise decisions, reasons, actions and owners.
• elevatortrim 5y ago
  I’m in a similar position and have a more connected approach. I always have an idea of what my direct reports are up to, and a high level understanding of what their reports are up to. I always have 3-4 discussion items ready, these are usually about whatever is important for the business at the time that intersect with their line of work. I start with their agenda. They would’ve seen me how I prepare mine before, so usually they would have a similar agenda. I listen to them, discuss, and create action items together. Then we talk through my agenda, and we end with their thoughts as well since they might have just remembered something or it might have come up during my items. I also make sure the items contain their development and also try to understand if their reports are developing in the direction they want and how I can help. For myself, I do not find it useful to offload the responsibility of a productive 1-1 to my reports. It is both of ours, and since I have more experience in this, I behave as such and they are usually encouraged by it and start doing the same.
• Negitivefrags 5y ago
  The idea of a monthly one on one scheduled meeting is rediculous. If you are not talking to all your people every day as a matter of course, they are basically unmanaged. For the love of god don't schedule any meetings. You shouldn't need to since you are just part of your employees flow of work. The employee / manager relationship should be one in which either party can feel free to just raise any concern the moment that it comes up. Meetings are not how that occurs.
  • dustymcp 5y ago
    This forced 1:1 is the worst..
    • TobbenTM 5y ago
      Is it really forced tho? People are busy, you some times don't get the chance to sit down and just talk about anything on your mind. Something else than the current backlog or whatever. By scheduling regular meetings, it doesn't mean you _have to_ spend an hour talking about whatever, it's a block in your calendar where _you can_. In my experience, these are never forced, but rather an opportunity any party can use to chat, if none get the chance outside of it.
      • KTallguy 5y ago
        Agreed, it shouldn't feel forced. Some people really don't like 1:1s and that's down to individual personalities. Also company culture can make 1:1s feel meaningless if the conversation that happens is never actionable. I try to see where the person is coming from and adjust my approach. If their concern is not in my power to change, I escalate to my lead when appropriate. A sibling comment mentioned that chatting about how you're stressed or frustrated can be used against you... I've had that experience and it was terrible. I think it all comes down to having a good manager, and unfortunately you can't always choose.
      • danparsonson 5y ago
        If there's time to schedule a regular one to one, why isn't there time to instead schedule a meeting when a team member has something on their mind to discuss?
• qbasic_forever 5y ago
  Why even bother with a monthly 1:1, that's almost insulting to the employee. If I had major concerns a month is far too long to wait to see action and have them resolved. You're telling your employee that of the ~160 work-hours in a month they are worth less than one of them.
  • danparsonson 5y ago
    If you have major concerns, why not just schedule a meeting? Why are you waiting for a monthly catch-up to air them? I think this whole one to one thing is pointless - if there's a problem, organise a meeting to discuss it (or talk about it during one of the regular team meetings if it's not a private matter); if not, let's just get on with doing some actual work.
    • benhurmarcel 5y ago
      That doesn't work. In a department I worked in, there were no scheduled 1-to-1, just a weekly slot that was guaranteed to be available if requested. Nobody ever took it. The manager thought it meant that everything was fine, while in reality he had no idea about how people were doing or how they were feeling. Nobody wants to come to the manager with problems when he's the one with the power and they don't have a trusty relationship with him. And you don't get trust if you don't communicate regularly.
      • danparsonson 5y ago
        I see what you're saying but it doesn't sound to me like the scenario you describe would be fixed by scheduling 1-to-1s. Sitting down to talk with someone you don't trust doesn't make you trust them - trust is earned through behaviour over time. If I don't trust my manager then our 1-to-1 is going to be pleasantly bland and provide no value for anyone. Once the trust is there then the 1-to-1 is proven to be unnecessary because the employee will feel comfortable raising issues as needed.
    • kayodelycaon 5y ago
      I think the same way you do but I’ve noticed that many people won’t bring up issues unless you take them aside and ask the right questions. No amount of openness and trust seems to work as well as gentle prompting. Of course, you need to trust your manager. I’ve made the mistake of doing that more than once.
• a_square_peg 5y ago
  It's strange how so many informal conversations have become formalized. Phone call? Book a calendar invite. Talk to your manager? Schedule a one-on-one. Want to raise a technical comment? Issue a Jira ticket. Not to say that this is all bad, but wondering if it's really helpful.
  • yakshaving_jgt 5y ago
    Just to offer a counterpoint: I used to just ping my direct reports for 1:1s each week when it suited me, and then realised that that's pretty disrespectful of other people's time. I switched to asking people to schedule time with me in my calendar out of respect for their schedule.
  • rramadass 5y ago
    >but wondering if it's really helpful No, it is not. Too much formalization brings the power dynamic imbalance front-and-center and leads to people telling you what they think you want to hear.
  • Cthulhu_ 5y ago
    > Phone call? Book a calendar invite. I hate unscheduled phone calls; I've asked recruiters to make an appointment first, so I can be mentally ready for a phone call. Else I'll be interrupted during focus time (headphones on, balancing seven things in my head simultaneously, you know the drill). > Talk to your manager? Schedule a one-on-one. For random day to day stuff, sure, scheduling something might be overboard. But for more serious business, you should put aside some time for both. This is also about respecting each other's time and schedule; you are not the center of your manager's attention. > Want to raise a technical comment? Issue a Jira ticket. I think this is an important step to take so that you sit down and think about the issue; it's like rubber ducking, if you can't explain it in e.g. a ticket, you don't understand the problem well enough. Second, task tracking software is documentation; in ten years' time you will thank yourself for making a ticket. (That said, I don't believe storing it in 3rd party software is good, ideally all documentation, including tickets, would be in your git repository. Commit volume and churn is a bit of an issue though).
  • koonsolo 5y ago
• sdevonoes 5y ago
  My situation is as follows. I joined my current company 1 year ago; my team is composed of 5 people (data scientists, engineers, 1 product manager) and it is within an area (there are like 10 areas, and each area has around 2 to 3 teams). Alongside my team, there is another team in my area. There is only one engineer manager for the whole area (so, like 8 engineers to "manage"). I have 1:1s every 2 weeks with my engineer manager... and that's basically 99% of the contact I have with them. My eng. manager rarely attends my team's sprint plannings (or any other Scrum ceremony like retros, standups, etc.). We rarely (if any) discuss long-term technical planning/ideas/solutions. They know which products we maintain and in what we are working on, but not much more. In the 1:1 we are very open, but it always feels like "this is something we have to do, let's carry on with it". They always recommend me some blogs, conferences, sometimes books... but to be honest I'm quite past that phase in my career: it's not that I don't appreciate recommendations, it's that I have been working for more than 10 years in the industry and I have pretty much clear what's my "career path", and it doesn't depend on engineer managers (my "career path" is to keep being an IC, doing a good job, not getting too attached to companies... and switch jobs every 3 years or so). Seems to me that the job of the engineer manager is just too lightweight. We hire them people because they have two things: a) good people skills, and b) a good track of experience working on tech. We never get to "use" my engineer manager for point b, and point a is summarized as "let's have a good chat every 2 weeks".
  • xxs 5y ago
    >I have 1:1s every 2 weeks with my engineer manager... and that's basically 99% of the contact I have with them. that's terrible
  • johnjungles 5y ago
    Sounds like your engineering manager isn’t doing a good job. I’ve actually learned how to be a better manager by learning what not to do from other crummy managers I’ve had or others had. Hope it doesn’t turn you off from management track or look at all managers like they don’t pull their weight
    • sdevonoes 5y ago
• kuehle 5y ago
  There is a great community driven list [0] of 1 on 1 questions that I like to pick a couple questions as conversation starters or as backup when the conversation goes stale. It is also available as JSON so you can script the random selection. [0] https://github.com/VGraupera/1on1-questions https://github.com/VGraupera/1on1-questions
• spadros 5y ago
  Yeah, I’ve been finding my one on ones useless recently, and this article seems to have some more useless “wisdom” here summed up in a nice package. Kind of annoying to me that the writer implies the one on one is for me to fill his valuable time. I’m loving my work, don’t have any issues with my coworkers, and like my current position. I really don’t have critical feedback to bring to the table every one on one. To be honest, if everything is going smoothly, all I can do is talk about what I’m excited to work on next and how life is going. Which is a status update. By the way, I found the “figure out my problems and solve them” line very rich. Every morning we have a standup where my manager tells me what his main concerns are and then I change my priority of work to keep his stress (and thus mine) low on whatever the new issue is. That’s generally how managers and employees work. You’re probably doing something very wrong or are very green if you don’t know what your managers chief stressors and concerns are, because I have no idea how you’d manage your work properly otherwise.
  • sdoering 5y ago
    > You’re probably doing something very wrong or are very green if you don’t know what your managers chief stressors and concerns are, because I have no idea how you’d manage your work properly otherwise. I basically agree with nearly everything you said. I just wanted to widen the scope a bit on the quoted part. Working in an agency in a client facing role, my main focus is to reduce the stressors for my client and "arm" them with things that make them look good with their managers and leadership. Else than that I can only agree that when everything is fine - why should I fill 30 - 45 minutes of my managers time (that could be used more efficiently). Also: If not everything is well I feel it is important to see if this is something your manager can do anything about. Not because you should not tell them if they can't do anything about, but to adjust your expectations and state it as an information/request. Oftentimes I found myself talking to my manager about things that don't work well but they could not do anything about this. But we found ourselves nonetheless creating ideas how to mitigate this in other areas.
  • hurflmurfl 5y ago
    When I don't have anything work-related to report, there are no concerns on either side, and there are no situational changes, we just chat with my manager for the whole half-hour about various life topics. Sometimes it may bring to memory something related to work, which we can discuss. Sometimes it will be completely unrelated to work for the whole meeting, but I think there is still value in that. It helps us build a better relationship and reveals more about who we are and how we think and helps just generally "tune" ourselves to each other.
• j_d_b 5y ago
  Who is "you" in this article? Is this written for his employees?
• jmyeet 5y ago
  Obligatory Roger Sterling quote [1]: > I don't know if anyone's ever told you that half the time this business comes down to 'I don't like that guy.' What articles like these fail to realize or fail to point to is that a lot of your work outcomes come down to whether your manager likes you, their manager likes you and your coworkers like you. This isn't universal of course. There are some people who are disliked but clearly brilliant enough for it to matter. These people are the exception not th enorm. At Google, there was a meme in performance review that goes something like: > This project would've failed without this person. It failed anyway but it definitely would've without them. You can take the same set of circumstances and interpret them differently based on who you like and who you don't. Project fails? Someone you like did what they could for the team. Someone you don't didn't contribute enough. Project succeeds? Person you like was a key reason why. Person you don't wasn't. So when it comes to 1:1s, if your manager likes you you're more likely to be someone they advocate for, extol the virtues of your accomplishments and so on. If your manager is liked the more likely their opinions are to carry weight. So how to get the most value of your 1:1s? Figure out if your manager likes you and figure out if their managers likes them. [1]: https://twitter.com/madmenqts/status/783648743690231808?lang=en https://twitter.com/madmenqts/status/783648743690231808?lang...
  • darkerside 5y ago
    You're assuming this is unrelated to performance. Managers like people who do good work and get shit done without a lot of handholding. It really helps if you're respectful and not irritating. What you describe is totally rational and fair as long as the manager is regularly updating their opinions.
• enigmatic02 5y ago
  Found this useful 1:1 template a while back: https://giddy-amusement-c74.notion.site/Manage-your-manager-26a26b82bd824f97bf44de754d79a94f https://giddy-amusement-c74.notion.site/Manage-your-manager-...
• andresp 5y ago
  Yet another manager not knowing what being a manager is. It is your responsibility to know what your reports are doing and making sure their efforts are recognised and their flaws corrected (or ultimately fired). If you don't remember unless someone keeps sending you self promotional messages, you are the problem, not your reports.
• cebert 5y ago
  How often do you all have 1:1’s with manager. I’ve been in industry 15+ years and meet with my manager once or maybe twice a month, which seems reasonable. I’m fairly self sufficient and don’t need a lot assistance. Some of my peers at the same company and are also quite experienced have to meet with their manager weekly for 1:1’s. They remark to me that they don’t get a lot of value out of them being that frequent.
  • NAHWheatCracker 5y ago
    Once a month, and he often reschedules or cancels it the day before. They are scheduled for 30 minutes. A couple years ago, I asked him to meet weekly and he obliged. It felt like he wasn't willing to actually engage in the discussion. I walked back that request to two weeks and then monthly. I've been trying to talk less as well, since I realize that it's a one-sided conversation. It's difficult for me though, since I feel like we should be talking more.
  • fernandotakai 5y ago
    every week, but i think it's too much on both my schedule and on my manager's schedule. i would say every other week should be perfect.
  • SloopJon 5y ago
    I've had regularly scheduled biweekly meetings for the last several years. If we miss a meeting due to PTO or something, we don't reschedule, so meetings are sometimes a month apart. One of my previous managers would just drop by my office on Friday afternoon to check in. This was shorter and shallower, more of a status update. My 1:1s tend to have a longer term focus: handing off responsibility for a project, and discussing which upcoming projects sound interesting. As a soon-to-be manager myself, I will probably start with weekly 1:1s until I get to know the team well enough, then drop back to biweekly.
  • alligatorplum 5y ago
    My manager technically has a "one on one" (30 mins) meeting every week with me. But the type/purpose of this meeting alternates. One week its an "Alignment" meeting between me and my manager. This is a time where the manager can talk to me about my current tasks and if I need any assistance from him. We also go over our yearly goals on a regular basis here, just so we can make sure that I am on the right track. The next week we have our 1:1 meeting. These are lead by me and gives me dedicated time to discuss anything I would like. What I described above is the only structure to the meetings. If manager doesn't have much to discuss in our alignment meetings he opens the floor for any 1:1 type of discussion and on the flip side, if I wanted to talk about my current blockers during my 1:1 meeting that is also fine. So to answer your question, our 1:1 are biweekly.
• no_time 5y ago
  You guys get to have 1:1s? This reminds me of a site I've found a few years ago that mapped out all the universities in the area and listed the contact info of the on campus psychologist. Ours redirected to a big fat 404.
• bob1029 5y ago
  I try to run these as casually as possible on no specific timeline. I find regular, standardized 1:1s to be a dystopian experience. The way most of my 1:1 calls initiate usually starts with someone else on the team expressing a bad mood about something and me doing a quick check in on teams. I find that happy or otherwise productive employees will either reach out actively on their own, or not require this sort of interaction in the first place.
  • avel 5y ago
    A meeting that's mainly designed to let the employee give a pulse check, speak freely about annoyances and career path, and provide feedback to their manager, is a dystopian experience? Also what you are describing on your second sentence is not a 1:1 meeting.
• thrower123 5y ago
  One-to-ones seem like yet another of these cargo-culted management trends that add needless ceremony and develop into an end-in-themselves. At least anywhere that I've been that's tried to implement them. We chew up an amazing amount of time on this kind of theater.
• AmericanBlarney 5y ago
  The fact that the 1:1s are monthly makes me question how much the author really knows about managing people.
• thenerdhead 5y ago
  Here's some tips to better 1:1s on-top of what the article mentions: - If you're a direct manager in the 1:1, it is your job to take notes. Period. - 1:1s are business meetings about results, and sometimes personal matters are discussed. - If you have role power, you need to be cautious with what you say during a 1:1. People will take things literally. - Agendas should be simple. 10 minutes you, 10 minutes me, 10 minutes for the future. Most important thing first, always. - To start a 1:1, make a statement or a question, sometimes the small talk is not wanted or dreaded. "How's it going", "How are you", "How are things" are all valid. - Don't come with an agenda to a 1:1. People hate not being able to contribute. - If you setup 1:1s as a tool to get to know the team members you work with regularly, follow a simple 15 minutes you, 15 minutes me type of deal. (Especially if you're a PM, TPM, or EM working with another discipline)
  • pc86 5y ago
    It's interesting to me how many people have diametrically opposed views of what a 1:1 should be. Business meetings / status updates vs. personal discussion. Structured agenda vs. no agenda. Weekly vs. biweekly vs. monthly. Etc.
    • thenerdhead 5y ago
      Yeah, you can definitely go the Andy Grove approach or even try to become your direct's friend(don't really recommend). Personally I think 1:1s are being used wastefully and have become the industry norm so people put up with them.
  • avel 5y ago
    Agendas should be simple, or should I not come with an agenda at all? An agenda, either shared with the other person or not, is fine. I'd rather have a meeting with agenda / talking points rather than one without. It doesn't prevent people from being able to contribute, as long as you don't monopolize your part.
    • thenerdhead 5y ago
      I meant that there should be no agenda set. Each person should come with their own topics. Sorry about that. It’s not fair when say a boss wants a status update when you want to talk about career growth for example.
• rr808 5y ago
  I used to be an inexperienced manager as I expect many managers are these days and my 1:1s were a waste of time. I didn't really know what to do, constructive criticism and suggestions are really hard to do - I found it really hard to say what I really thought. However as an employee you should be asking about how to stand out in the team and "make a difference".
• Pacers31Colts18 5y ago
  I enjoy my 1:1s with my manager. It's pretty relaxed, open ended conversation. Recently she asked us all to just do a summary in OneNote of what we did for the week, so that kind of gives us things to talk about. Typically we talk about personal life, family things for about half of the meeting and work the other half.
• deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
• songzme 5y ago
  I really struggle with 1:1s primarily because: 1. Do you want career growth? No, and its hard to tell that to my manager. More growth leads to more responsibility, which is more stress. I'm happy where I am and I don't want promotions. I'm afraid to tell my manager that, because which manager wants an unambitious engineer? There was someone like that on our team and he was laid off in the last layoff round, so I have to "pretend" I'm working towards the next level. 2. Do you want more interesting work? Also no, I'm perfectly happy maintaining our current codebase, not interested in new and shiny projects because my most interesting time is spent at home with my kiddo. Any tips on how I can handle my 1:1s?
  • lghh 5y ago
    I would be totally fine with someone telling me in a one on one that they are comfortable with their current position and would like to stay there. My expectation at that point would be that we would work on growth within that position. How can we (you and I) do the best job we can maximizing your impact and output where you currently are and make you the best version of what you want to be. Honestly, any manager who is against that isn't a good manager.
    • hvidgaard 5y ago
      I like growing employees, but I'd be lying if it said I didn't put immense value on the great employees that are content where they are with what they're doing. They're dependable and they mean I have some form of "old guard" that really knows a system inside out without going through documentation or experimenting. That is very valuable.
      • scarface74 5y ago
        That is very valuable until that employee needs to find another job and find their skills aren’t marketable.
        • mym1990 5y ago
          Its up to the employee to continue to build marketable skills, not the employer. If the employee is content in their position, then that's that.
• pc86 5y ago
  I'm starting a new EM role at a new company later this month. I've been a team lead for several years, at different companies and different teams, but this is my first "traditional" management role. I have my own thoughts, but I'd love to hear from others about what the better managers they've had in the past have [not] done. If it matters, it sounds like I am backfilling a position for someone who took a director position in a different part of the organization.
• softwarebeware 5y ago
  How to get the most out of your 1:1s: cancel them. ;) You almost never need a recurring one and talking about something if/when it's relevant and in context is always better.
  • masterof0 5y ago
    I agree, I find those "strategies" on how to talk to your manager , incredibly cringe. What I have worked out for me in 2 FAANGs and 2 regular unknown companies, is working hard, getting things done, when I achieve something that can be shown to other people, I do show it and talk to my manager about compensation, and if I want to move up, I let him know that, I tell him what I think is my timeline for that; if he disagrees, his problem , I find a better place to work, the market for engineers is very competitive. I don't need to be simp-ing to my manager. I think if you keep your relationship with your manager honest and always use a clear, bs free, communication channel with him, you will achieve great things. Managers are just people like you, don't be afraid to leave a bad manager.
  • poisonborz 5y ago
    Except that's not how it works for a lot of people. If you are social and outspoken, your higher ups can mayyybe rely on you to communicate your wishes clearly, but think about it, would you really regularly signal even small but pestering problem to them? Lots of people are shy to speak, especially when not in private. Relevancy can be increased by making them weekly, in 15m.
• incanus77 5y ago
  > At Devetry, we run pretty flat, so I have a lot of direct reports, and we only meet once a month. Aside from the elsewhere-mentioned “once a month is basically being unmanaged”, the idea that a lot of direct reports is “flat” and not “managers stretched way too thin” is kind of glaring.
• throwaway889900 5y ago
  The problem I have with 1:1s is that I don't trust my manager so I never have them. Previous attempts to get things resolved with management have always gone poorly for me so I don't even bother to try anymore.
  • fknorangesite 5y ago
    This sounds like a problem you have with your manager (probably a justified one!), not with 1:1s.
• swframe2 5y ago
  I have seen 1:1s used more strategically by employees who have 1on1 with managers outside their team. These employees often get promoted quickly. Note, at performance review time, employees are stacked against each other. If the other managers know you well and are giving you advice then chances are they won't push back if your manager ranks you highly. In addition, employees are ranked by how much they influence others so it helps to have a relationship with the other team leads and to know their goals. Furthermore, some managers don't care about their direct report's careers so having a 1on1 with another manager gives you a chance to get advice that your manager might not want you to know. For example, your manager most likely will not tell you how to be promoted above him/her; if you talk to another manager you can learn this.
  • gkop 5y ago
    Yes and - You can catch new leaders and senior ICs on their way in the door and make yourself helpful to them, which makes a positive and memorable first impression - You build relationships that make you more effective in your role - You accelerate the dissemination of knowledge across silos - You exercise control over the flow of information to help the organization meet its goals - You learn how power flows through the organization - You discover other teams that you may want to work more closely with, or take steps to avoid working with - You become better able to empathize with other teams because you have a human connection
• krzyk 5y ago
  I would love to not have 1on1s. They are awkward, and I don't see a point, besides ticking some box in manager sheet. I'm introvert (probably like large part of soft eng).
• subpixel 5y ago
  A good barometer for when a meeting is likely ineffective is when it’s given a catchy name. 1:1, f2f, all hands, etc. That and when it’s a recurring meeting that has no end-date.
• skeeter2020 5y ago
  The OP seems largely inline with what I wrote about some of my thoughts on 1:1s here: https://www.codeleadmanage.com/articles/20210118-how_to_effective_one_on_ones.html https://www.codeleadmanage.com/articles/20210118-how_to_effe... My TL;DR is every manager needs to develop their own strategy. The best way to do this is to start, experiment and iterate, but hopefully there's some conventions and ideas that can help.