4 ms·

The important difference between physicians and non-physicians in relation to death is not that doctors understand disease mechanisms. It is that doctor's are

The important difference between physicians and non-physicians in relation to death is not that doctors understand disease mechanisms. It is that doctor's are familiar with death. Ordinary people aren't as familiar with death, and don't have a wide range of responses to it because society hides it and pretends it doesn't exist. The main place regular people encounter death is on the news as a statistic of war and crime. Then when it visits their family and friends, they are unprepared, except for what they know of death, which is a calamity. Sitcoms don't include death because they exist to take your mind off work, and provide a platform for advertising consumer goods. Friends and acquaintances don't often talk about death in expansive terms. They only offer a cliche one liner - sorry for your loss - because that's the only response they've learnt. It's a well intentioned sentiment, and also one that's constrained by a fear of death that is unwarranted. That's a shame because death is an expansive part of life. It's the point at which a life becomes whole, and we can see someone in their entirety. Death, along with birth, is the context for life. It's going to happen to all of us, no matter how we try to deny it or hide it. Doctors know this and so they let it in. They do this before life descends into the shadows.

raptorraver 5y ago
Due religious reasons I'm contemplating my death quite often. Not daily but I try to do it at least weekly. I don't say it has made me comfortable about being mortal but compared to people around me I seem to have more casual relationship to it. Like the other day my boss asked me if I'll come to the office next week and with smile on my face I answered, that yes I'll come if I won't die during weekend. He got quite confused. Remembering that you'll die someday, and not just some distant day far away but literally any day or moment gives a good perspective to everything in your life and makes you focus on things that truly matters.
- slim 5y ago
  What you said to your boss is actually a common expression in my country. To say "I hope so" about some event in the future, we say "If we live".
  - amelius 5y ago
    Which country?
    - slim 5y ago
      Tunisia, North Africa
      - marton78 5y ago
        I have always found the humility of Muslims saying "In sha'Allah" admirable. It's a beautiful way to remind ourselves that our fate -- and our life -- is not entirely in our hands.
        tcard 5y ago
        This was also commonplace in Spain, traditionally. Some people, especially old ones, will say "si Dios quiere" literally every time they refer to any event in the future, even if it's just "see you tomorrow". Not doing so would be considered a "challenge" to God, or Fate, more generally. Curiously, from "inshallah" Spanish got the word "ojalá", a very common term for expressing hope of something happening (and with no religious or any other "deep" connotation anymore; just like you'd use "I hope").
        scotty79 5y ago
        In Poland we have a saying "jeżeli Bóg pozwoli". "If god allows" which funyly shows that deep down people "understand" (as their pre-monotheistic ancestors "understood") that the God is the malevolent being that messes up your plans and ultimately kills you.
  - KineticLensman 5y ago
    In parts of the UK the equivalent is 'if we're spared'. Some people may decide this means that the person saying it is probably a miserable old codger, the sort of person who says "mustn't grumble" when asked "How's things?"
- marcus_holmes 5y ago
  I have the same thing. I often contemplate my death, and how I am going to die. And yes, I derive some comfort from it - knowing I have lived my best life and done the best I could at it. There are things I haven't achieved yet that I want to experience, so I don't want to go just yet. But if it happens, then I'm good with that. But I'm an atheist, and firmly believe that this is all we get, and death really is the end of everything for us. I'm not sure I'd be so accepting if I was facing some kind of afterlife. Even ignoring the possibility of an eternity being tortured in heck, I'm much happier with the thought of everything just stopping than with the thought of it somehow continuing on another level. It's interesting, how our fear of death drives us. Yet (as gp says) we never talk about it.
  - dom96 5y ago
    What often brings me joy is thinking about my life before birth, I like to think death will be just the same. If so life after death can't be so bad.
    - WJW 5y ago
      Quite so. Lots of people worry about the time they'll "spend" not being alive after they die, but nobody ever seems to worry about they time they spent not being alive before they were born. In the context of the wider universe, "not being" is what you are doing the vast amount of time. The century or so that you are alive is the exception.
    - bserge 5y ago
      Yeah, you'd think so. I thought so. But I can't get myself to die. After death, there's nothing. And I understand now why some people say it's terrifying. Between decades of suffering or eternity of nothing, what would you choose? Don't half ass the answer, go on a bridge with a heavy backpack zip tied to yourself, put a loaded gun to your head or have a fistful of TCA pills in your hand, whatever, then answer it. I don't want to live, but I ain't keen on dying either, to paraphrase Robbie Williams. I really wouldn't mind being killed by something out of my control, though.
- ddorian43 5y ago
  He wasn't expecting you to be suicidal or terminal ill or this being the weekend a bus ran over you. And the phrase "if we're alive", is used for longer time periods like next year or more.
- Shorel 5y ago
  Memento mori. I think about my own death, or some disability, at about the same frequency. What would I do if I lost my hearing, or my sight. It is one of the reasons I try to live this life, instead of waiting for some future rewards in an uncertain afterlife. Yes, I am not religious, and I think being religious has little to do with thinking about death. Death is the great equalizer.
Barrin92 5y ago
Yes, ironically enough, physicians don't pathologize death the same way most of our culture does. They see it enough for it to lose the quasi supernatural grip that it has in a culture that doesn't talk about it, and so they're just able to make much more measured decisions about quality of life at the end of life than other people.
BoxOfRain 5y ago
>Ordinary people aren't as familiar with death, and don't have a wide range of responses to it because society hides it and pretends it doesn't exist. I relate to this so much. I had a period of staring my potential death in the face and there is nothing in modern society that prepares you for that. I was completely rudderless for a while because I had literally no social context in which death could be faced without making people intensely uncomfortable. There's many things I think our society is pretty crap at, but the subject of death in general has to be one of the worst offenders by far. We shouldn't be sweeping death under the carpet as a taboo subject and pretending it doesn't exist, it should be something people talk about. Death is the one thing that unites us all, it would be a far less unpleasant thing to face if people could have a sensible conversation about it without fear or grimaces.
- copperx 5y ago
  Art films don't have this problem, and that's where I've had my media exposure to death. If you want to know about how hard life can get after the death of someone, I cannot recommend Blue by Kieslowsky enough.
  - BoxOfRain 5y ago
    Thanks for the recommendation.
hoseja 5y ago
We forgot to memento mori.
thorin 5y ago
"Sitcoms don't include death" Ricky Gervais isn't afraid of it...Have you seen After Life? https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8398600/ https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8398600/
zimpenfish 5y ago
> Sitcoms don't include death UK sitcoms beg to differ - just look at Coronation Street or Eastenders - they cover pretty much every category of death you can think of (except, I suppose, by wildlife.)

raptorraver 5y ago

Due religious reasons I'm contemplating my death quite often. Not daily but I try to do it at least weekly. I don't say it has made me comfortable about being mortal but compared to people around me I seem to have more casual relationship to it. Like the other day my boss asked me if I'll come to the office next week and with smile on my face I answered, that yes I'll come if I won't die during weekend. He got quite confused. Remembering that you'll die someday, and not just some distant day far away but literally any day or moment gives a good perspective to everything in your life and makes you focus on things that truly matters.

slim 5y ago
What you said to your boss is actually a common expression in my country. To say "I hope so" about some event in the future, we say "If we live".
- amelius 5y ago
  Which country?
  - slim 5y ago
    Tunisia, North Africa
    - marton78 5y ago
      I have always found the humility of Muslims saying "In sha'Allah" admirable. It's a beautiful way to remind ourselves that our fate -- and our life -- is not entirely in our hands.
      - tcard 5y ago
        This was also commonplace in Spain, traditionally. Some people, especially old ones, will say "si Dios quiere" literally every time they refer to any event in the future, even if it's just "see you tomorrow". Not doing so would be considered a "challenge" to God, or Fate, more generally. Curiously, from "inshallah" Spanish got the word "ojalá", a very common term for expressing hope of something happening (and with no religious or any other "deep" connotation anymore; just like you'd use "I hope").
        scotty79 5y ago
        In Poland we have a saying "jeżeli Bóg pozwoli". "If god allows" which funyly shows that deep down people "understand" (as their pre-monotheistic ancestors "understood") that the God is the malevolent being that messes up your plans and ultimately kills you.
- KineticLensman 5y ago
  In parts of the UK the equivalent is 'if we're spared'. Some people may decide this means that the person saying it is probably a miserable old codger, the sort of person who says "mustn't grumble" when asked "How's things?"
marcus_holmes 5y ago
I have the same thing. I often contemplate my death, and how I am going to die. And yes, I derive some comfort from it - knowing I have lived my best life and done the best I could at it. There are things I haven't achieved yet that I want to experience, so I don't want to go just yet. But if it happens, then I'm good with that. But I'm an atheist, and firmly believe that this is all we get, and death really is the end of everything for us. I'm not sure I'd be so accepting if I was facing some kind of afterlife. Even ignoring the possibility of an eternity being tortured in heck, I'm much happier with the thought of everything just stopping than with the thought of it somehow continuing on another level. It's interesting, how our fear of death drives us. Yet (as gp says) we never talk about it.
- dom96 5y ago
  What often brings me joy is thinking about my life before birth, I like to think death will be just the same. If so life after death can't be so bad.
  - WJW 5y ago
    Quite so. Lots of people worry about the time they'll "spend" not being alive after they die, but nobody ever seems to worry about they time they spent not being alive before they were born. In the context of the wider universe, "not being" is what you are doing the vast amount of time. The century or so that you are alive is the exception.
  - bserge 5y ago
    Yeah, you'd think so. I thought so. But I can't get myself to die. After death, there's nothing. And I understand now why some people say it's terrifying. Between decades of suffering or eternity of nothing, what would you choose? Don't half ass the answer, go on a bridge with a heavy backpack zip tied to yourself, put a loaded gun to your head or have a fistful of TCA pills in your hand, whatever, then answer it. I don't want to live, but I ain't keen on dying either, to paraphrase Robbie Williams. I really wouldn't mind being killed by something out of my control, though.
ddorian43 5y ago
He wasn't expecting you to be suicidal or terminal ill or this being the weekend a bus ran over you. And the phrase "if we're alive", is used for longer time periods like next year or more.
Shorel 5y ago
Memento mori. I think about my own death, or some disability, at about the same frequency. What would I do if I lost my hearing, or my sight. It is one of the reasons I try to live this life, instead of waiting for some future rewards in an uncertain afterlife. Yes, I am not religious, and I think being religious has little to do with thinking about death. Death is the great equalizer.

Barrin92 5y ago

Yes, ironically enough, physicians don't pathologize death the same way most of our culture does. They see it enough for it to lose the quasi supernatural grip that it has in a culture that doesn't talk about it, and so they're just able to make much more measured decisions about quality of life at the end of life than other people.

BoxOfRain 5y ago

>Ordinary people aren't as familiar with death, and don't have a wide range of responses to it because society hides it and pretends it doesn't exist. I relate to this so much. I had a period of staring my potential death in the face and there is nothing in modern society that prepares you for that. I was completely rudderless for a while because I had literally no social context in which death could be faced without making people intensely uncomfortable. There's many things I think our society is pretty crap at, but the subject of death in general has to be one of the worst offenders by far. We shouldn't be sweeping death under the carpet as a taboo subject and pretending it doesn't exist, it should be something people talk about. Death is the one thing that unites us all, it would be a far less unpleasant thing to face if people could have a sensible conversation about it without fear or grimaces.

copperx 5y ago
Art films don't have this problem, and that's where I've had my media exposure to death. If you want to know about how hard life can get after the death of someone, I cannot recommend Blue by Kieslowsky enough.
- BoxOfRain 5y ago
  Thanks for the recommendation.

hoseja 5y ago

We forgot to memento mori.

thorin 5y ago

"Sitcoms don't include death" Ricky Gervais isn't afraid of it...Have you seen After Life? https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8398600/ https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8398600/

zimpenfish 5y ago

> Sitcoms don't include death UK sitcoms beg to differ - just look at Coronation Street or Eastenders - they cover pretty much every category of death you can think of (except, I suppose, by wildlife.)