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What if they are struggling with money issues and you want to help them? Or what if they are struggling with money issues in silence and you don't know about it

What if they are struggling with money issues and you want to help them? Or what if they are struggling with money issues in silence and you don't know about it? Also... what if they find out about it later and you never told them? Wouldn't they think that you are a selfish doosh?

takeda 5y ago
You just help them without saying you got $55M. As the GP mentioned, people, even family members will start treating you differently (nicer if you start giving them your money, worse if you don't). That's IMO a valid excuse why you didn't want to tell.
theandrewbailey 5y ago
What if their money issues are their own doing (they live way above their means)? If you give them money, you're an enabler.
- DamnYuppie 5y ago
  Not sure why this is getting down voted. Most people who have money problems have them because of their own behaviors. I agree giving money to someone who is bad with money doesn't really help them it only wastes your money.
- ineedasername 5y ago
  What if they're not? It seems like the type of thing that requires individual judgement instead of a flat rule.
- bostonsre 5y ago
  As long as you aren't giving them money to piss away on drugs or something similar, so what? You would give your family and/or friends an easier and happier life.
  - theandrewbailey 5y ago
    Maybe, but be careful. It doesn't have to be drugs. You can cover their food and some of their house payment, because they're broke, but they bought a new boat (or similar expensive item) anyways. Surely, they can't ask their rich relative for too many vacations, right? Or vacation houses? For someone who keeps their word and is honest about their finances and asks for such-and-such, fine. For those who don't care for paying off the debt they have and always gets more, and you give them money, you're feeding their entitlement, and ultimately making no one happy.
ineedasername 5y ago
You have to have a fairly healthy family dynamic to be able to give or loan a lot of money to each other and not have everything ruined. And chances are that if you had that family dynamic already, you'd be less hesitant revealing your financial status.
adventured 5y ago
> Wouldn't they think that you are a selfish doosh I never cease to be amazed at how terrified people commonly are of trivial confrontation and worthless opinions. A life spent placating other people to live by their low value opinions, will be a life very poorly lived. Rather than spending the effort on fretting about their low value opinions, that effort should go into mentally reducing the incorrect value being placed on said opinions. People twist themselves into grotesque knots living under the unreasonable expectations of others, even living under the fantay projection opinions of those people (thoughts/opinions they don't even know to be the case, just things they fear may be the case), even when they quietly don't care about the person/s. The sister in this story for example, she can go right fuck off. This guy wins $55m and is terrified of his own shadow, can't even deal with the sister (who he doesn't like at all, has zero interest in speaking to) he's afraid will demand that he donate half his wealth to her church. It's unbelievable behavior.
- bostonsre 5y ago
  > I never cease to be amazed at how terrified people commonly are of trivial confrontation and worthless opinions. So... you don't care if your family never talks to you again? I would.
  - bityard 5y ago
    If your family refused to speak to you because you didn't share your "wealth" with them, you would pay them off just so they would speak to you again?
    - bostonsre 5y ago
      Lying to your family and not telling them that you came into a ton of money would be the thing that could piss them off the most. It would seem like either you are being selfish and want it all to yourself or they will think that you think they are money grubbing moochers. Also, yea, I could see not sharing some of that wealth with your family could come off as bad as well. It's not about paying them off. If you love someone, you want to help them and make them happy. Not doing so seems selfish and the opposite of that.

takeda 5y ago

You just help them without saying you got $55M. As the GP mentioned, people, even family members will start treating you differently (nicer if you start giving them your money, worse if you don't). That's IMO a valid excuse why you didn't want to tell.

theandrewbailey 5y ago

What if their money issues are their own doing (they live way above their means)? If you give them money, you're an enabler.

DamnYuppie 5y ago
Not sure why this is getting down voted. Most people who have money problems have them because of their own behaviors. I agree giving money to someone who is bad with money doesn't really help them it only wastes your money.
ineedasername 5y ago
What if they're not? It seems like the type of thing that requires individual judgement instead of a flat rule.
bostonsre 5y ago
As long as you aren't giving them money to piss away on drugs or something similar, so what? You would give your family and/or friends an easier and happier life.
- theandrewbailey 5y ago
  Maybe, but be careful. It doesn't have to be drugs. You can cover their food and some of their house payment, because they're broke, but they bought a new boat (or similar expensive item) anyways. Surely, they can't ask their rich relative for too many vacations, right? Or vacation houses? For someone who keeps their word and is honest about their finances and asks for such-and-such, fine. For those who don't care for paying off the debt they have and always gets more, and you give them money, you're feeding their entitlement, and ultimately making no one happy.

ineedasername 5y ago

You have to have a fairly healthy family dynamic to be able to give or loan a lot of money to each other and not have everything ruined. And chances are that if you had that family dynamic already, you'd be less hesitant revealing your financial status.

adventured 5y ago

> Wouldn't they think that you are a selfish doosh I never cease to be amazed at how terrified people commonly are of trivial confrontation and worthless opinions. A life spent placating other people to live by their low value opinions, will be a life very poorly lived. Rather than spending the effort on fretting about their low value opinions, that effort should go into mentally reducing the incorrect value being placed on said opinions. People twist themselves into grotesque knots living under the unreasonable expectations of others, even living under the fantay projection opinions of those people (thoughts/opinions they don't even know to be the case, just things they fear may be the case), even when they quietly don't care about the person/s. The sister in this story for example, she can go right fuck off. This guy wins $55m and is terrified of his own shadow, can't even deal with the sister (who he doesn't like at all, has zero interest in speaking to) he's afraid will demand that he donate half his wealth to her church. It's unbelievable behavior.

bostonsre 5y ago
> I never cease to be amazed at how terrified people commonly are of trivial confrontation and worthless opinions. So... you don't care if your family never talks to you again? I would.
- bityard 5y ago
  If your family refused to speak to you because you didn't share your "wealth" with them, you would pay them off just so they would speak to you again?
  - bostonsre 5y ago
    Lying to your family and not telling them that you came into a ton of money would be the thing that could piss them off the most. It would seem like either you are being selfish and want it all to yourself or they will think that you think they are money grubbing moochers. Also, yea, I could see not sharing some of that wealth with your family could come off as bad as well. It's not about paying them off. If you love someone, you want to help them and make them happy. Not doing so seems selfish and the opposite of that.