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So true but this youngster doesn't sound like someone who needs to win, he is already made. All he (or his parents) want is to look like they are successful by

So true but this youngster doesn't sound like someone who needs to win, he is already made. All he (or his parents) want is to look like they are successful by saying, "Little Johnny got 15 GCSEs".

lumost 5y ago
As a new parent I'm really torn on this topic. On the one hand building resiliency and self-motivation need to happen through self-directed activities. On the other hand, Sitting on a couch watching Netflix probably isn't the most efficient way to build these skills.
- MathYouF 5y ago
  I found that heavy amounts of discussion of the "why" for any activity, and then instilling confidence in that person that they're capable of doing the thing that they've already agreed to the "why" for, is a necessary prerequisite for their self directed activities to be productive ones. The problem with most kids and adults I know is they either lack a depth of reasoning for why they ought to be doing something better, or lack the confidence that they'd be able to accomplish it if they put their mind to it. If you can't come up with a convincing "why" for them, then you should reflect on how sustainable forcing them to do that thing will be once they have independence. There were a lot of things my mom expected of me (similar to these kids with tutors). Some of them I agreed with, some of them I didn't. When I finally got my independence at 18, guess which ones stuck, and which ones (where a lot of time and effort was put into cultivating them) evaporated? Talk to your children deeply about the why, and, as the saying goes, they'll suffer almost any how.
Johnny555 5y ago
I think it goes beyond simple academic test results -- even successful parents take pride in their children's accomplishments, so they want to be able to say "Johnny grew up to be a successful lawyer and he's going to take over the family business". So they are doing what they can to set their children up for success. Unless they are uber-wealthy, then they'll just say "Johnny is sailing our yacht around the Mediterranean (and when we say "sailing", we mean there's an 8 person crew running the boat)"
lordnacho 5y ago
If only it were so. What is being purchased is the right to feel that they worked hard enough to deserve what they are certain to get anyway.

So true but this youngster doesn't sound like someone who needs to win, he is already made. All he (or his parents) want is to look like they are successful by saying, "Little Johnny got 15 GCSEs".

lumost 5y ago

As a new parent I'm really torn on this topic. On the one hand building resiliency and self-motivation need to happen through self-directed activities. On the other hand, Sitting on a couch watching Netflix probably isn't the most efficient way to build these skills.

MathYouF 5y ago
I found that heavy amounts of discussion of the "why" for any activity, and then instilling confidence in that person that they're capable of doing the thing that they've already agreed to the "why" for, is a necessary prerequisite for their self directed activities to be productive ones. The problem with most kids and adults I know is they either lack a depth of reasoning for why they ought to be doing something better, or lack the confidence that they'd be able to accomplish it if they put their mind to it. If you can't come up with a convincing "why" for them, then you should reflect on how sustainable forcing them to do that thing will be once they have independence. There were a lot of things my mom expected of me (similar to these kids with tutors). Some of them I agreed with, some of them I didn't. When I finally got my independence at 18, guess which ones stuck, and which ones (where a lot of time and effort was put into cultivating them) evaporated? Talk to your children deeply about the why, and, as the saying goes, they'll suffer almost any how.

Johnny555 5y ago

I think it goes beyond simple academic test results -- even successful parents take pride in their children's accomplishments, so they want to be able to say "Johnny grew up to be a successful lawyer and he's going to take over the family business". So they are doing what they can to set their children up for success. Unless they are uber-wealthy, then they'll just say "Johnny is sailing our yacht around the Mediterranean (and when we say "sailing", we mean there's an 8 person crew running the boat)"

lordnacho 5y ago

If only it were so. What is being purchased is the right to feel that they worked hard enough to deserve what they are certain to get anyway.