11 ms·

Loneliness a 'bigger health risk than smoking or obesity'

127 points by pmoriarty 5y ago

FeistySkink 5y ago
I lost all of my social network during 2020. Being almost 40 and with the current situation still in progress, I don't even know where to start. I have no social contact outside of remote work and some sport activities.
- arichard123 5y ago
  Start by volunteering.
- hnarayanan 5y ago
  Do you live with anyone or have access to family?
- carlmr 5y ago
  How did that happen? My friend circle reduced a lot due to my countries restrictions. You could only meet one person, so it was often the same people that paired up. I guess a lot of people were left out of that. I'm very grateful I had an SO and two good friends I could often meet up with.
  - FeistySkink 5y ago
    Looks like most connections were pretty shallow to begin with. And I moved to another country just to make things easier for myself.
- CaptArmchair 5y ago
  Building a social network / support network is non-trivial even in the best of times. It's one of the more challenging parts of life anyways as YMMV. Some people have loads of contacts and friends, others have enough with only a handful of close ties. There's no catch-all that works for everyone. And I think it's important to acknowledge that everyone has different individual needs. Building a sturdy social network with a variety of contacts isn't something you do overnight. Rome wasn't build in a single day either. This takes time. And yet, you might surprise yourself one year from now. A lot can happen in 365 days if you decide to put your shoulders under this. > I don't even know where to start Group activities are a great way to meet people. Group travel, classes / workshops, local social / cultural communities, outreach activities,... For instance, I enrolled into cooking classes for a few years, which was a great way to meet people and have great food. Many non-profit organizations do stuff like guided walks and tours, visits to venues, organise workshops and so on. Volunteering works too. Doesn't have to be charity. Working with youths is a pretty great way to get involved in a local community. Even in your late 30s. What worked for me in the past was just walking into a community center and striking up a conversation with people who are working there: What are they about? What do they offer? Are they doing cool stuff? If you show interest, they will pick up on that. One challenge is to get out of your comfort zone. Try out things you haven't tried before. Like, try following a first aid, dance or yoga class if you haven't. Don't get stuck in an area related to work or older hobbies you have. Be mindful that not all things you explore will work out for you. You might feel that some stuff just isn't for you, or that the group dynamics aren't a match. That's totally valid. It's fine to drop an activity for something else if you feel disengaged. As for making friends: those are actually a side effect of the above. One doesn't make friends out of the blue. You put yourself out there first, trying and exploring the world, following your own interests. And as you do so, you will hit upon people who might become friends. And in due time, some of them might even become close friends. Personally, I'm in a similar boat as you. Intend to put myself out there over the next few months, try some new things I have on my mind, and spend less time in front of digital devices as I did in 2020.
camillomiller 5y ago
>One woman who felt isolated in lockdown said loneliness was now a bigger health risk than smoking or obesity. So, this is the source of the article. No reference to any single study, despite all the research available on the topic. What a piece of anecdotical crap this article is. >Pre-pandemic, the Royal College of General Practitioners Wales called for all practices to have their own social prescriber in a bid to tackle GPs' workload, and "free up their time for those patients most in need of medical care". In its loneliness action plan it said: "Loneliness and social isolation can be as bad for patients as chronic long-term conditions. "Loneliness puts people at a 50% increased risk of an early death. Where the hell is this figure coming from? What's enraging is how important this topic is. All the bbc could produce is this gossip rag level piece of journalism? Appalling.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- tokai 5y ago
  It is stated in the article. The first voxpop is from a Mind Cymru project. They are a Welsh non-profit working with mental health. The other one from Royal College of General Practitioners Wales. You can find their oppinion here[0] and the study with the specific 50% figure here[1]. I think you are overselling how little information is provided. Taking in account the venue and audience it is still easy to look up more specific information with what the article provides. [0] https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/docs/default-source/members/faculties/old-age/position-statement-on-loneliness-and-isolation-dec-2019-(3).pdf?sfvrsn=52a394f0_4 https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/docs/default-source/members/facult... [1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30007359/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30007359/
  - IMTDb 5y ago
    You might argue that a non-profit organisation that describes itself as "[...] an unstoppable community of people in Wales who won't give up [...]" (See: https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/mind-cymru/ https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/mind-cymru/) might not be the most neutral entity that can produce non biased studies/data. I do believe in their cause, and "raising awareness" usually is a major mission for these orgs. But "raising awareness" is a marketing/communication/political process, that is incompatible with scientific rigour.
tut-urut-utut 5y ago
It's known since the humanity exists that humans are social creatures, yet we as a society don't do anything to promote social interaction between people. Actually, we are actively suppressing real social contact due to the way our society is set up. - "State / faceless institution" organized social security, reducing the need of social network / safety net. - The rise of "social media" leading to less social interaction. - Push for long working hours that leaves not much time for socialization - Spreading fear through the media. Many people are lonely, yet are afraid to talk to a stranger because "who knows what's on his mind". - Economic improvements leading to the decreasing necessity and dependence on the extended family. - Instead of tackling the actual social isolation problems, the trend of virtualization and automation of tasks that previously required social interaction is making it even worse. - Covid-19 fearmongering and voluntary/enforced (self) isolation didn't help either. It's almost like we are going to end like in the book "1994" from Borislav Pekic, isolated and afraid of humans, surrounded with robots, unhappy but not able to change anything until the humanity is doomed. EDIT: Since some misunderstood me, I don't judge if the "state provided" social network is good or bad, or if it should be kept or dismissed, just state the fact that it significantly reduces the need for social interaction between people, leading to more loneliness. I also observed that in poorer countries with less state provided social safety net, people are much more social and dependent on each other. The same can be said to other points too. EDIT 2: Covid-19 is a hot topic. Again, I prefer not to put judgement about all societal effect of it here. By "fearmongering" here, I don't consider only fear from virus. There's also fear from economical doom and fear from the loss of liberties. All three types of fear are legitimate and present in different social circles and pushed ("mongered"?) by different media. Which fear is dominant depends on the circumstances of each individual. Person that can isolate himself and has a safe job will be more afraid of loss of liberties than the virus. A person who lost his job due to lockdown fear hunger more that virus, and a supermarket cashier is horrified if he will get infected. Unfortunately, hardly any people can understand that different people can have different fears, and a quick to dismiss ones with different fear. Anyway, it's again fact that Covid-19 was for many people the final stroke that push them to loneliness.
- toomanybeersies 5y ago
  What's your proposed solution? Cut everyones working hours, abolish social welfare, and make everyone poor so they need to rely on their extended family?
asdev 5y ago
Shameless plug, I'm trying to build an app to hopefully help with this. A platform for platonic friend making based on shared interests. I find that it's very hard to meet and connect with like minded people regardless of where you live. https://trypoppin.com/ https://trypoppin.com/
- weavie 5y ago
  This could do with a sign up so I can get a reminder when it launches. I am guaranteed to forget about it by then otherwise.
  - asdev 5y ago
    do you think email sign up would be preferrable? I was thinking it's better to get people to follow the Instagram account so I can reach them when I launch
    - weavie 5y ago
      Personally, I will never use Instagram.
    - dannyw 5y ago
      Platforms like Instagram don't give you organic reach to all followers.
    - mkr-hn 5y ago
      That severely cuts the potential audience. I don't use Instagram. It doesn't even provide RSS feeds as an alternative.
    - lancesells 5y ago
      I would recommend putting a large amount of effort into email. Email is the channel you own forever. Your Instagram followers are subject to Facebooks whims and they are not a company to be trusted.
    - astura 5y ago
raxxorrax 5y ago
My impression was that more and more people withdraw because the "public" has become quite toxic.
- mkr-hn 5y ago
  There's definitely an element of the last several years revealing how many people are just awful human beings. I'm wary of spending time getting to know someone only to find out they think certain people (like me) don't deserve equal rights, or something like that. I know on some level people were always like that. Bad ideas are pervasive and always have been. But there's more echo chambers reinforcing bad ideas now. There was some hope in the past of maybe changing someone's mind. Now they get it reinforced constantly with push notifications and digests. High speed, personalized media both revealed it and made it harder to change.
  - the-dude 5y ago
    If you see and describe 'the other side' in terms of deplorables as you do, you are as much a part of the polarisation problem as anyone else. Believing about half of your fellow countrymen are 'awful human beings' is bonkers.
    - mkr-hn 5y ago
      You said deplorables, not me. Clinton is as useless as the rest of them[1]. Maybe follow up and ask for an example before assuming I'm hitting on your favorite political bugaboo or part of The Other Team. Your reply is an example of the problem. >> "Believing about half of your fellow countrymen are 'awful human beings' is bonkers." You said half, not me. You have literally no insight into what I mean and you think you know everything about me because of the media you consume. This is the problem. To be clear: I don't think the noisy few are representative. I think most people don't have strong opinions on anything. That's not great, but I can work with them. But I can't tell whether they're just politically zoned out or waiting for something in a comment to latch on to for an unhinged rant until spending time getting to know them. [1] Historical context for future readers: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basket_of_deplorables https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basket_of_deplorables
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
lovelyviking 5y ago
"enable me to get on a path out of loneliness" The whole article is about loneliness and it was not clear for me what they mean by 'loneliness'? How it is defined? What we can consider as already a 'loneliness' and when we can say it is not yet there?
- tonyedgecombe 5y ago
  From https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain—a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It really wasn't hard to find.
  - lovelyviking 5y ago
    >... to perceived isolation ... This is what I call - undefined. You can "percieve" it whenever you want/need/wish/like etc
H8crilA 5y ago
Finally I can justify social smoking. It's backed by science!
wombatmobile 5y ago
I used to feel lonesome all the time. Then I bought myself a book about narcissism, and a dozen floor to ceiling mirrors. Now I stay at home every night, reading stories i've written about myself out loud from my diary, and taking selfies. I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I'm awesome ;-D
joelbondurant 5y ago
Better to be suicidal than have math illiterate diaper face communist tyrants in your life.
laurent92 5y ago
Since lockdowns, I hate everybody. I just broke up with the idea that we are a society. No, we’re just insane people who are eating at other people’s sanity, using lockdowns as a means to dismantle our fellow citizen. How to become homeless when you start millionaire and CEO of a small/moderate company? Well this is the first and main step, because on any major problem, you are alone and no-one is going to testify in your favor. Especially if you genuinely wouldn’t mind if everyone went to hell for the hell they’re causing me. Sure, my parents. But my parents are the ones who vote for locking up everyone and mandating social isolation. So their love stops at mandated lockdowns. Their love, and the same goes for 90% of my fellow citizen, their love and social fabric stops at giving you a hell if a time to deal with. Same goes for feminism. Everyone likes feminism! Men commit suicide at 5x the rate? Not a problem! Men work themselves till death while women enjoy choice, choice of careerS, choice of being a mother while the husband provides, choice of sexualizing their body? Must be their sexism! Men have little choice and become insane? It’s their fault! Let’s clearly not provide resources to fight men’s workaholism! I hate people. I really hate all my fellow citizen who cheer happily at the idea of stopping the economy, and lockdowns drove me practically insane. If they took my job away, I wouldn’t have passed the winter. And they were this close to taking our jobs away. I’m trying to make good use of my money (buying a house, giving myself a chance) but I’m writing this so people understand the depth of the ordeal, especially for people who don’t have the extreme luxury that I have with having enough money for such a project (I’ve earnt every bit of it, but other people have worked just as much and didn’t meet success).
- _notathrowaway 5y ago
  I feel bad about you man, and I wish people in this website could recognize your experience rather than simply downvote it because it is not aligned with their political views.
  - tstrimple 5y ago
    No reason to feel bad. Reactionaries get lots of support on this site. See! Their rant about how all their problems are the fault of feminists and liberals is no longer grey.
mxmilkiib 5y ago
Our built/lived environment is so bad and corrupting after tens (if not hundreds) of years of anti-humanisc approaches to building (including modernism and postmodernism). No incentives for a wider range of housing possibility, like community and social understanding encouraging cohousing or just shared kitchen/reading facilities (apart from very lately apparently purely commercial driven development I've heard about from the US like in SF). Maybe some post-post-structural theme is emerging. I've seen developments which have elements of that, but I have also seen some of those elements being coopted by modern estate builds (like, well at least from kinds of basic informal security but without internal walkways and personal space in front of flats along the walkways; like surrounded green spaces but that are left to fend for theirs self after build has finished), and that have little relation between integrating working spaces (workshops, community cafes and even theaters, etc.) into the plan, and most certainly no indications of resident open working groups for all aspects of the running of the building almost as a cooperative. Wake me up when a Timeless Way of Building etc inspired and the like concepts are starting to become somewhat more of part of standard reading/planning/construction. All these new builds recently that are wasting so much already known wisdom and humanist conceptions of how to progress the mental well-being of residents as well as the state of society. If only architects took on "patterns" in a way that the computer/design community have..
- pmoriarty 5y ago
  Having architecture which encouraged communal living would help, but much more needs to be done. Even when people are in common areas way too many have their noses buried in their cell phones or laptops. City dwellers are often incredibly distrustful of strangers. They complain of being lonely but few make much of an effort to meet new people or deepen existing relationships. Architecture alone is not going to solve this.
  - mxmilkiib 5y ago
    Well, naturally, yes, it's just one part of the picture, and I didn't think I was expressing that it wasn't, so I don't think it's really fair to assume that I was only thinking of this as the one solution and write a reply based on that. New more social architecture is literally one of the solutions available for providing opportunity for people to meet new people. And oof, a downvote to 0 on my original fair-enough comment.
hughrr 5y ago
Yep. Divorced 2017, lost most of my friends due to Brexit then COVID hit. Social life down the pan. Discovered Meetup earlier this year. Worth looking into it if you’re in a similar situation. No one knows anyone already on it and everyone is still battered from COVID so it’s a good starter for getting back out there and back to being sociable creatures.
lkjoi23j3oijf 5y ago
All western women date black guys now and all western guys date Asian females.
MrBuddyCasino 5y ago
This is a long-term trend in the US. The number of close friends has declined dramatically compared to 1990, even more so for males: https://twitter.com/dcoxpolls/status/1408415456600395782?s=21 https://twitter.com/dcoxpolls/status/1408415456600395782?s=2... Was it really a good idea to ban all-male spaces using civil-rights law? https://twitter.com/herandrews/status/1408429235409141762?s=21 https://twitter.com/herandrews/status/1408429235409141762?s=...
- BurningFrog 5y ago
  OTOH, our FB friend count has never been higher!
ajsnigrutin 5y ago
Our local "CDC"-equivalent has posted a warning (mostly to media) to avoid reporting about suicides during "the plague"... so yeah... For young people, the school closings, dorm closings, curfews, movement restrictions and other "only for 14 days" decrees will cause greater psychological harm (and number of dead in that age group), than just letting them all get the virus. Older people have a higher chance of dying due to corona, so the number might be different, and their social circles are usually a lot smaller, but suicide numbers are going up there too.
deregulateMed 5y ago
I wonder if popularity has an inverse effect.
paulpauper 5y ago
There is good reason to be skeptical about a purported loneliness epidemic https://greyenlightenment.com/2021/04/30/skepticism-about-loneliness-epidemic/ https://greyenlightenment.com/2021/04/30/skepticism-about-lo... 1. high rates of domestic violence and divorce 2. humans are endowed with the ability to rationalize abstractions and form imaginations , unlike other animals. This makes in-person social interactions less necessary. 3. the purported loneliness epidemic is more of a creation by the media than reality. By writing hundreds of articles about it, people will be influenced to believe it is real. 4. people are voluntarily choosing to be alone. Being alone and watching Netflix or using a smartphone is perhaps more enjoyable to group activities like bowling. Or that online communication is replacing real life communication. 5. many ppl engineer their lives to minimize social interactions and pay a premium to do so, like stadium box seating, man caves, vacation retreat homes, etc..
jpcooper 5y ago
If anyone in Istanbul wants to hang out, details on profile.
jdporter 5y ago
> Loneliness is a widespread problem, even prior to pandemic Tell me about it. > often associated with the older generation - despite more young people struggling with loneliness. Thanks for the age shaming. > Three times as many young people deal with loneliness compared to older people. I do wonder what dark hole you pulled that factoid out of.
- jdporter 5y ago
  I do feel bad for those who have lost their social net during the pandemic; loneliness sucks, I know it. At the same time, I find it hard to be sympathetic because - it must be nice to have had a social net to lose! For me personally, the isolation of the last year and a half has been a barely noticeable difference from the decades prior.

127 points by pmoriarty 5y ago

I lost all of my social network during 2020. Being almost 40 and with the current situation still in progress, I don't even know where to start. I have no social contact outside of remote work and some sport activities.

arichard123 5y ago
Start by volunteering.
hnarayanan 5y ago
Do you live with anyone or have access to family?
carlmr 5y ago
How did that happen? My friend circle reduced a lot due to my countries restrictions. You could only meet one person, so it was often the same people that paired up. I guess a lot of people were left out of that. I'm very grateful I had an SO and two good friends I could often meet up with.
- FeistySkink 5y ago
  Looks like most connections were pretty shallow to begin with. And I moved to another country just to make things easier for myself.
CaptArmchair 5y ago
Building a social network / support network is non-trivial even in the best of times. It's one of the more challenging parts of life anyways as YMMV. Some people have loads of contacts and friends, others have enough with only a handful of close ties. There's no catch-all that works for everyone. And I think it's important to acknowledge that everyone has different individual needs. Building a sturdy social network with a variety of contacts isn't something you do overnight. Rome wasn't build in a single day either. This takes time. And yet, you might surprise yourself one year from now. A lot can happen in 365 days if you decide to put your shoulders under this. > I don't even know where to start Group activities are a great way to meet people. Group travel, classes / workshops, local social / cultural communities, outreach activities,... For instance, I enrolled into cooking classes for a few years, which was a great way to meet people and have great food. Many non-profit organizations do stuff like guided walks and tours, visits to venues, organise workshops and so on. Volunteering works too. Doesn't have to be charity. Working with youths is a pretty great way to get involved in a local community. Even in your late 30s. What worked for me in the past was just walking into a community center and striking up a conversation with people who are working there: What are they about? What do they offer? Are they doing cool stuff? If you show interest, they will pick up on that. One challenge is to get out of your comfort zone. Try out things you haven't tried before. Like, try following a first aid, dance or yoga class if you haven't. Don't get stuck in an area related to work or older hobbies you have. Be mindful that not all things you explore will work out for you. You might feel that some stuff just isn't for you, or that the group dynamics aren't a match. That's totally valid. It's fine to drop an activity for something else if you feel disengaged. As for making friends: those are actually a side effect of the above. One doesn't make friends out of the blue. You put yourself out there first, trying and exploring the world, following your own interests. And as you do so, you will hit upon people who might become friends. And in due time, some of them might even become close friends. Personally, I'm in a similar boat as you. Intend to put myself out there over the next few months, try some new things I have on my mind, and spend less time in front of digital devices as I did in 2020.

camillomiller 5y ago

>One woman who felt isolated in lockdown said loneliness was now a bigger health risk than smoking or obesity. So, this is the source of the article. No reference to any single study, despite all the research available on the topic. What a piece of anecdotical crap this article is. >Pre-pandemic, the Royal College of General Practitioners Wales called for all practices to have their own social prescriber in a bid to tackle GPs' workload, and "free up their time for those patients most in need of medical care". In its loneliness action plan it said: "Loneliness and social isolation can be as bad for patients as chronic long-term conditions. "Loneliness puts people at a 50% increased risk of an early death. Where the hell is this figure coming from? What's enraging is how important this topic is. All the bbc could produce is this gossip rag level piece of journalism? Appalling.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
tokai 5y ago
It is stated in the article. The first voxpop is from a Mind Cymru project. They are a Welsh non-profit working with mental health. The other one from Royal College of General Practitioners Wales. You can find their oppinion here[0] and the study with the specific 50% figure here[1]. I think you are overselling how little information is provided. Taking in account the venue and audience it is still easy to look up more specific information with what the article provides. [0] https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/docs/default-source/members/faculties/old-age/position-statement-on-loneliness-and-isolation-dec-2019-(3).pdf?sfvrsn=52a394f0_4 https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/docs/default-source/members/facult... [1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30007359/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30007359/
- IMTDb 5y ago
  You might argue that a non-profit organisation that describes itself as "[...] an unstoppable community of people in Wales who won't give up [...]" (See: https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/mind-cymru/ https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/mind-cymru/) might not be the most neutral entity that can produce non biased studies/data. I do believe in their cause, and "raising awareness" usually is a major mission for these orgs. But "raising awareness" is a marketing/communication/political process, that is incompatible with scientific rigour.

tut-urut-utut 5y ago

It's known since the humanity exists that humans are social creatures, yet we as a society don't do anything to promote social interaction between people. Actually, we are actively suppressing real social contact due to the way our society is set up. - "State / faceless institution" organized social security, reducing the need of social network / safety net. - The rise of "social media" leading to less social interaction. - Push for long working hours that leaves not much time for socialization - Spreading fear through the media. Many people are lonely, yet are afraid to talk to a stranger because "who knows what's on his mind". - Economic improvements leading to the decreasing necessity and dependence on the extended family. - Instead of tackling the actual social isolation problems, the trend of virtualization and automation of tasks that previously required social interaction is making it even worse. - Covid-19 fearmongering and voluntary/enforced (self) isolation didn't help either. It's almost like we are going to end like in the book "1994" from Borislav Pekic, isolated and afraid of humans, surrounded with robots, unhappy but not able to change anything until the humanity is doomed. EDIT: Since some misunderstood me, I don't judge if the "state provided" social network is good or bad, or if it should be kept or dismissed, just state the fact that it significantly reduces the need for social interaction between people, leading to more loneliness. I also observed that in poorer countries with less state provided social safety net, people are much more social and dependent on each other. The same can be said to other points too. EDIT 2: Covid-19 is a hot topic. Again, I prefer not to put judgement about all societal effect of it here. By "fearmongering" here, I don't consider only fear from virus. There's also fear from economical doom and fear from the loss of liberties. All three types of fear are legitimate and present in different social circles and pushed ("mongered"?) by different media. Which fear is dominant depends on the circumstances of each individual. Person that can isolate himself and has a safe job will be more afraid of loss of liberties than the virus. A person who lost his job due to lockdown fear hunger more that virus, and a supermarket cashier is horrified if he will get infected. Unfortunately, hardly any people can understand that different people can have different fears, and a quick to dismiss ones with different fear. Anyway, it's again fact that Covid-19 was for many people the final stroke that push them to loneliness.

toomanybeersies 5y ago
What's your proposed solution? Cut everyones working hours, abolish social welfare, and make everyone poor so they need to rely on their extended family?

asdev 5y ago

Shameless plug, I'm trying to build an app to hopefully help with this. A platform for platonic friend making based on shared interests. I find that it's very hard to meet and connect with like minded people regardless of where you live. https://trypoppin.com/ https://trypoppin.com/

weavie 5y ago
This could do with a sign up so I can get a reminder when it launches. I am guaranteed to forget about it by then otherwise.
- asdev 5y ago
  do you think email sign up would be preferrable? I was thinking it's better to get people to follow the Instagram account so I can reach them when I launch
  - weavie 5y ago
    Personally, I will never use Instagram.
  - dannyw 5y ago
    Platforms like Instagram don't give you organic reach to all followers.
  - mkr-hn 5y ago
    That severely cuts the potential audience. I don't use Instagram. It doesn't even provide RSS feeds as an alternative.
  - lancesells 5y ago
    I would recommend putting a large amount of effort into email. Email is the channel you own forever. Your Instagram followers are subject to Facebooks whims and they are not a company to be trusted.
  - astura 5y ago

raxxorrax 5y ago

My impression was that more and more people withdraw because the "public" has become quite toxic.

mkr-hn 5y ago
There's definitely an element of the last several years revealing how many people are just awful human beings. I'm wary of spending time getting to know someone only to find out they think certain people (like me) don't deserve equal rights, or something like that. I know on some level people were always like that. Bad ideas are pervasive and always have been. But there's more echo chambers reinforcing bad ideas now. There was some hope in the past of maybe changing someone's mind. Now they get it reinforced constantly with push notifications and digests. High speed, personalized media both revealed it and made it harder to change.
- the-dude 5y ago
  If you see and describe 'the other side' in terms of deplorables as you do, you are as much a part of the polarisation problem as anyone else. Believing about half of your fellow countrymen are 'awful human beings' is bonkers.
  - mkr-hn 5y ago
    You said deplorables, not me. Clinton is as useless as the rest of them[1]. Maybe follow up and ask for an example before assuming I'm hitting on your favorite political bugaboo or part of The Other Team. Your reply is an example of the problem. >> "Believing about half of your fellow countrymen are 'awful human beings' is bonkers." You said half, not me. You have literally no insight into what I mean and you think you know everything about me because of the media you consume. This is the problem. To be clear: I don't think the noisy few are representative. I think most people don't have strong opinions on anything. That's not great, but I can work with them. But I can't tell whether they're just politically zoned out or waiting for something in a comment to latch on to for an unhinged rant until spending time getting to know them. [1] Historical context for future readers: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basket_of_deplorables https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basket_of_deplorables

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

lovelyviking 5y ago

"enable me to get on a path out of loneliness" The whole article is about loneliness and it was not clear for me what they mean by 'loneliness'? How it is defined? What we can consider as already a 'loneliness' and when we can say it is not yet there?

tonyedgecombe 5y ago
From https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain—a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It really wasn't hard to find.
- lovelyviking 5y ago
  >... to perceived isolation ... This is what I call - undefined. You can "percieve" it whenever you want/need/wish/like etc

H8crilA 5y ago

Finally I can justify social smoking. It's backed by science!

wombatmobile 5y ago

I used to feel lonesome all the time. Then I bought myself a book about narcissism, and a dozen floor to ceiling mirrors. Now I stay at home every night, reading stories i've written about myself out loud from my diary, and taking selfies. I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I'm awesome ;-D

joelbondurant 5y ago

Better to be suicidal than have math illiterate diaper face communist tyrants in your life.

laurent92 5y ago

Since lockdowns, I hate everybody. I just broke up with the idea that we are a society. No, we’re just insane people who are eating at other people’s sanity, using lockdowns as a means to dismantle our fellow citizen. How to become homeless when you start millionaire and CEO of a small/moderate company? Well this is the first and main step, because on any major problem, you are alone and no-one is going to testify in your favor. Especially if you genuinely wouldn’t mind if everyone went to hell for the hell they’re causing me. Sure, my parents. But my parents are the ones who vote for locking up everyone and mandating social isolation. So their love stops at mandated lockdowns. Their love, and the same goes for 90% of my fellow citizen, their love and social fabric stops at giving you a hell if a time to deal with. Same goes for feminism. Everyone likes feminism! Men commit suicide at 5x the rate? Not a problem! Men work themselves till death while women enjoy choice, choice of careerS, choice of being a mother while the husband provides, choice of sexualizing their body? Must be their sexism! Men have little choice and become insane? It’s their fault! Let’s clearly not provide resources to fight men’s workaholism! I hate people. I really hate all my fellow citizen who cheer happily at the idea of stopping the economy, and lockdowns drove me practically insane. If they took my job away, I wouldn’t have passed the winter. And they were this close to taking our jobs away. I’m trying to make good use of my money (buying a house, giving myself a chance) but I’m writing this so people understand the depth of the ordeal, especially for people who don’t have the extreme luxury that I have with having enough money for such a project (I’ve earnt every bit of it, but other people have worked just as much and didn’t meet success).

_notathrowaway 5y ago
I feel bad about you man, and I wish people in this website could recognize your experience rather than simply downvote it because it is not aligned with their political views.
- tstrimple 5y ago
  No reason to feel bad. Reactionaries get lots of support on this site. See! Their rant about how all their problems are the fault of feminists and liberals is no longer grey.

mxmilkiib 5y ago

Our built/lived environment is so bad and corrupting after tens (if not hundreds) of years of anti-humanisc approaches to building (including modernism and postmodernism). No incentives for a wider range of housing possibility, like community and social understanding encouraging cohousing or just shared kitchen/reading facilities (apart from very lately apparently purely commercial driven development I've heard about from the US like in SF). Maybe some post-post-structural theme is emerging. I've seen developments which have elements of that, but I have also seen some of those elements being coopted by modern estate builds (like, well at least from kinds of basic informal security but without internal walkways and personal space in front of flats along the walkways; like surrounded green spaces but that are left to fend for theirs self after build has finished), and that have little relation between integrating working spaces (workshops, community cafes and even theaters, etc.) into the plan, and most certainly no indications of resident open working groups for all aspects of the running of the building almost as a cooperative. Wake me up when a Timeless Way of Building etc inspired and the like concepts are starting to become somewhat more of part of standard reading/planning/construction. All these new builds recently that are wasting so much already known wisdom and humanist conceptions of how to progress the mental well-being of residents as well as the state of society. If only architects took on "patterns" in a way that the computer/design community have..

pmoriarty 5y ago
Having architecture which encouraged communal living would help, but much more needs to be done. Even when people are in common areas way too many have their noses buried in their cell phones or laptops. City dwellers are often incredibly distrustful of strangers. They complain of being lonely but few make much of an effort to meet new people or deepen existing relationships. Architecture alone is not going to solve this.
- mxmilkiib 5y ago
  Well, naturally, yes, it's just one part of the picture, and I didn't think I was expressing that it wasn't, so I don't think it's really fair to assume that I was only thinking of this as the one solution and write a reply based on that. New more social architecture is literally one of the solutions available for providing opportunity for people to meet new people. And oof, a downvote to 0 on my original fair-enough comment.

hughrr 5y ago

Yep. Divorced 2017, lost most of my friends due to Brexit then COVID hit. Social life down the pan. Discovered Meetup earlier this year. Worth looking into it if you’re in a similar situation. No one knows anyone already on it and everyone is still battered from COVID so it’s a good starter for getting back out there and back to being sociable creatures.

lkjoi23j3oijf 5y ago

All western women date black guys now and all western guys date Asian females.

MrBuddyCasino 5y ago

This is a long-term trend in the US. The number of close friends has declined dramatically compared to 1990, even more so for males: https://twitter.com/dcoxpolls/status/1408415456600395782?s=21 https://twitter.com/dcoxpolls/status/1408415456600395782?s=2... Was it really a good idea to ban all-male spaces using civil-rights law? https://twitter.com/herandrews/status/1408429235409141762?s=21 https://twitter.com/herandrews/status/1408429235409141762?s=...

BurningFrog 5y ago
OTOH, our FB friend count has never been higher!

ajsnigrutin 5y ago

Our local "CDC"-equivalent has posted a warning (mostly to media) to avoid reporting about suicides during "the plague"... so yeah... For young people, the school closings, dorm closings, curfews, movement restrictions and other "only for 14 days" decrees will cause greater psychological harm (and number of dead in that age group), than just letting them all get the virus. Older people have a higher chance of dying due to corona, so the number might be different, and their social circles are usually a lot smaller, but suicide numbers are going up there too.

deregulateMed 5y ago

I wonder if popularity has an inverse effect.

paulpauper 5y ago

There is good reason to be skeptical about a purported loneliness epidemic https://greyenlightenment.com/2021/04/30/skepticism-about-loneliness-epidemic/ https://greyenlightenment.com/2021/04/30/skepticism-about-lo... 1. high rates of domestic violence and divorce 2. humans are endowed with the ability to rationalize abstractions and form imaginations , unlike other animals. This makes in-person social interactions less necessary. 3. the purported loneliness epidemic is more of a creation by the media than reality. By writing hundreds of articles about it, people will be influenced to believe it is real. 4. people are voluntarily choosing to be alone. Being alone and watching Netflix or using a smartphone is perhaps more enjoyable to group activities like bowling. Or that online communication is replacing real life communication. 5. many ppl engineer their lives to minimize social interactions and pay a premium to do so, like stadium box seating, man caves, vacation retreat homes, etc..

jpcooper 5y ago

If anyone in Istanbul wants to hang out, details on profile.

jdporter 5y ago

> Loneliness is a widespread problem, even prior to pandemic Tell me about it. > often associated with the older generation - despite more young people struggling with loneliness. Thanks for the age shaming. > Three times as many young people deal with loneliness compared to older people. I do wonder what dark hole you pulled that factoid out of.

jdporter 5y ago
I do feel bad for those who have lost their social net during the pandemic; loneliness sucks, I know it. At the same time, I find it hard to be sympathetic because - it must be nice to have had a social net to lose! For me personally, the isolation of the last year and a half has been a barely noticeable difference from the decades prior.