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Ever since reading Bertrand Russell's "The Conquest of Happiness", I've thought a lot about the importance of being able to sit inside my own head. One quote th

Ever since reading Bertrand Russell's "The Conquest of Happiness", I've thought a lot about the importance of being able to sit inside my own head. One quote that I wrote down: > A life too full of excitement is an exhausting life, in which continually stronger stimuli are needed to give the thrill that has come to be thought an essential part of pleasure. A person accustomed to too much excitement is like a person with a morbid craving for pepper, who comes at last to be unable even to taste a quantity of pepper which would cause anyone else to choke. There is an element of boredom which is inseparable from the avoidance of too much excitement, and too much excitement not only undermines the health, but dulls the palate for every kind of pleasure, substituting titillations for profound organic satisfactions, cleverness for wisdom, and jagged surprises for beauty... A certain power of enduring boredom is therefore essential to a happy life, and is one of the things that ought to be taught to the young.

dQw4w9WgXcQ 5y ago
>substituting titillations for profound organic satisfactions, cleverness for wisdom, and jagged surprises for beauty... ...And porn for relationships and intimacy. If there's any modern ill that has exacerbated our inability to be comfortable with boredom (which is essentially inner loneliness) it's porn. It's an escape for loneliness and a terrible salve that leaves the intrinsic desires for intimacy and connection unfulfilled, akin to drinking salt water to cure thirst. A psychological pandemic in its own right, and you can't escape its ubiquity and influence.
- vorpalhex 5y ago
  Using porn to fix loneliness is like using a screwdriver as a hammer. It's not the intent of the tool, nor can you be upset with the screwdriver for being a poor hammer. The issue lies with the maker, not the tool.
  - oblio 5y ago
    Many things are clearly harmful because they exploit weaknesses in the human psyche and the average person. There is a reason why obesity is high and rising, for example.
    - vorpalhex 5y ago
      You can take two views of humans. One is that they are to be managed - their food choices kept narrow to safe ones, dangerous things removed from their environment, and only safe and allowable futures enabled. Give them little locked down tablets that don't view porn, keep their food limited to acceptable options, don't let them read dangerous books. The other view is that humans are free agents, and to treat them as less than an agent is to fundamentally deny their identity as such. That means giving them information but letting them make "bad choices" or "the wrong choice". Freedom means being able to make bad choices.
      - mjmahone17 5y ago
        There’s a road between those views: people are sometimes free agents, but often do not actively choose their own path. So while we should allow people to make their own choices when they’re actively choosing them, we can do a lot to make the default choice one that is relatively beneficial over the long term. So things like requiring sugary drinks to carry a label that makes it obvious when a juice is as sugary as a soda. Or modifying sidewalks and parking to make walking or biking short distances more pleasurable than driving. Some of how you do this is by removing dangers from their environment, for instance by separating bike lanes from roads. And by allowing people to break from a habit cycle, for instance by establishing rules for gambling like enforcing periodic breaks in play to give people opportunities to reassess their actions.
      - oblio 5y ago
        > You can take two views of humans. Nothing in life is black or white. Life has many shades of gray (more than 50). > Freedom means being able to make bad choices. Yet here we are, where you're fined for drunk driving or for not wearing a seat belt. * * * There are no penalties for making bad choices that only affect <<you>>. But almost every choice you make, good or bad, affects someone else. For an example of a very personal and selfish choice that actually impacts <<others>>, if you don't wear a seat belt and die, your family will greatly mourn your loss, but they might also not be able to make it without your financial support and have to get help from social services or from others, which others have to pay for. You'll probably turn a small accident into a big accident, and if you're not the only person in the car, you'll traumatize those with you for life (again, maybe needing help which others will pay for!) plus you're probably going to total the car (which the owner will have to pay for). Humans aren't trees falling in a forest, trees that no one can hear falling. * * * Simple rule of thumb: if a restriction has been agreed to by diverse societies across the world, across tens and hundreds of countries, maybe it's there for a good reason and you're statistically not smarter than billions of people. I hope you are, but I'm willing to bet you aren't. Approach these things more humbly, please.
- Jeff_Brown 5y ago
  > [porn is] akin to drinking salt water to cure thirst. That's an exceptionally beautiful analogy.
  - RangerScience 5y ago
    There's a professor somewhere trying to prove that you can extend how long your pure water lasts by also drinking sea water; or something like that. Having trouble finding it right now.
  - astrange 5y ago
    Hmm, but drinking water with electrolytes (including moderate salt) is more refreshing than filtered water.
- bopbeepboop 5y ago
  I think it’s a mistake to blame porn, rather than realizing porn is a self-medication for people targeted by institutional and pervasive misandry. I understand even after several generations of men being abused, people aren’t ready to admit man-hating is a real problem in modern US society. I would encourage people to view education statistics where men have trailed women for forty years — yet receive no institutional support, while female-focused programs are lauded by the press. Or sentencing statistics, where the gap between men and women for the same crime is three times the sentencing gap between whites and blacks — something most of us recognize as a problem. It’s the same thought process that blames video games for men staying home rather than assessing why they might rationally choose to isolate in a fictional world instead of embrace broader society.
- tomp 5y ago
  Meh. I've been watching porn since forever. My taste in porn has informed my real-life taste, and vice versa (in particular, I detest make-up / fakeness, both in porn and in real life). Still, I find real people infinitely more fulfilling and have always put effort into seeking real relationships, sexual and romantic. (I estimate porn is similar to gambling - some people's psychology makes them more susceptible to addiction of any kind.)
  - serverholic 5y ago
    Yes I think what is not a problem for some can be a massive problem for others.
  - dQw4w9WgXcQ 5y ago
    Meh. I've been going to bars since forever. I'm not like that guy over there who pounds a 12 pack every night and has no standards for what he funnels down his gullet. Despite my habitual usage and inability to refrain from the activity for any extended period of time, I estimate his psychology must make him the addict. For me it's a matter of refinement and my consciously-engaged frontal-lobe awareness of the fine hops and spirits that elevates me to a connoisseur of the boozy arts.
    - Dylan16807 5y ago
      If you hadn't inserted "inability to refrain" out of nowhere, you could have been describing a perfectly ordinary (though pretentious) non-alcoholic. And you inserted that based on absolutely nothing, so good work.
- robben1234 5y ago
  Porn only "fixes" loneliness if you have the feeling unconditionally linked to sex, which in a way is quite sad.
- zemvpferreira 5y ago
  I'm sorry if that's been your experience but this generalisation is a bit much. I probably watch about as much porn as I do Netflix - around 30 minutes per day on average. I enjoy it, it's very relaxing and pleasureful. I'm in a committed long-term relationship of 3 years and have had the same habits through other 3 relationships of about the same length. They've all had a full sex life and I enjoy both separately. I'm sure many people have the same experience.
  - syops 5y ago
    There's been a bit of research into the destructive aspects of porn watching. Porn has normalized a number of sexual behaviors that were not common in the past. This is especially so for behaviors that are degrading to the woman. What's interesting about your comment though is that you accuse OP of over generalization whilst using your singular anecdotal experience in what I think can best be described as a example of under generalization.
    - pault 5y ago
      To be fair, some people of all genders get their kicks from being sexually dominated. The issue is knowing where the other person’s limits are and having good communication. This becomes a problem when people find discussing their sexual preferences embarrassing, even with their partners. My sex life improved greatly when I started asking my partners if they have any fantasies and exploring them together. Sometimes porn can help people discover things that they otherwise would have been too shy to bring up. However, If you’re watching porn five times per day and find yourself less and less stimulated by IRL sex, you need a detox.
      - syops 5y ago
        Of course there are such people. I submit though that the number of women who consent to anal and like it is much less than the number who consent and don't like it. The same for various other sex acts. I believe the research supports my position.
- rantwasp 5y ago
  yeah porn is a pandemic, NOT. here is a secret: we are hardwired to reproduce. you may think you have a choice but you are wired to fsck everything that has even a remote chance of resulting into you passing your genes forward. porn is a way to release some of the tension that comes with this wiring. nothing more, nothing less.
- r0b05 5y ago
  While many functioning porn users will dismiss your comment as nonsense, I believe it really is a massive problem in society. Porn in its current iteration, is similar to social media in that it literally programs your brain. We program computers but are ignorant to the fact that computers can program our behaviour if we are not careful. Yes, it is a poor substitute for intimacy but it also creates dangerous thought patterns and belief systems. These so called kinks have little to do with healthy sexual biological functioning. The perversions can become so ingrained that one will see it in real life instead of what is actually there. Remember, that a human being is programmed through our beliefs and habits, which are formed through repetitions. So be extremely careful of what you consume in this age of the Internet.
  - beebeepka 5y ago
    Preaching posts like yours are more dangerous than whatever excess porn consumption may do to people's brains.
    - r0b05 5y ago
      I don't expect everyone to get it but if my insight helps a few people then it's worth sharing.
      - syops 5y ago
        I suspect that many of the people responding haven't read any research into the topic.
      - haswell 5y ago
        What insight, specifically? You make big claims with no citation, and when asked for more info, you dismiss those questions. If you’re interested in helping others understand the insights you claim to have, bring some details to the table! I’m pretty curious about the topic, and this is an inquisitive community in general. Unfortunately, the way you’ve presented your position is not helpful, especially for a group that tends to demand scientific proof or at least a well formed hypothesis.
- akomtu 5y ago
  Porn is the fastfood of relationships. The proper food is just out of reach for most of the people.
- rkk3 5y ago
  > porn for relationships and intimacy Never heard of anyone giving up dating or intimate relationships for Porn. Is this a thing?
- candu 5y ago
  If you think pornography is somehow uniquely modern...well, you're ignoring a millennia-long history of erotic depictions there, on top of presenting absolutely no evidence to support your rather Puritanical claims.
tux3 5y ago
But contrast, dynamic range, is not just about chasing intensity. This seems to be written from the perspective that avoiding any thrill is necessary so that boredom may be endured. As if you should avoid fun so that you don't ever have to fear the lack of fun. No. Absoluty not. You can listen to loud music and still enjoy the quiet parts. You can have intensity & quiet, and find beauty in both. Severing yourself from anything exciting out of fear of missing the very things you're depriving yourself out of, that seems to me entirely misguided.
- Jeff_Brown 5y ago
  I agree, and yet I think it's important not to focus too much on pleasure. Not just for the sake of productivity, but for the sake of one's own happiness. Caring about more than pleasure makes it easier to be happy. The Buddha had a lot to say about that. Then again maybe that boils down to a mere alternate definition of pleasure. Newcomers to exercise find it painful, and that feeling never really goes away, but some learn to enjoy it.
  - tux3 5y ago
    That's interesting, I can't claim to entirely understand your comment, but I'd like to read more about this :)
- mistahenry 5y ago
  Your reading of this is rather extreme, and I feel you've missed the point by thinking that Russell is advocating to avoid fun intentionally at times so as to preserve a happy life. I read it as more an observation that the boring times, those in which there's a lack of stimulation, are an important part of a balanced, healthy life. A more modern take on his advice would be to avoid mindlessly surfing the internet every dull moment in which we are waiting a few minutes for some time to pass. If you haven't taken an extended, conscious break from the internet outside of your work needs (no social media, no news, etc), I recommend it. It was very enlightening for me to feel this lack of stimulation. I certainly enjoy my time on the internet when I'm there because I want to be there, not because I'm just looking for something to kill the time. Similarly, I've stopped listening to music while coding because I realized that the listening without mindfulness was killing my passion. After doing so, the passion has been restored. His words, too, remind me of the drug user's plight. My sister works in drug rehabilitation and has told me about the struggles many go through known as Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. From my naive understanding, these people have adapted to the constant, unnatural amount of dopamine flowing through the brains during addiction by producing more dopamine receptors. When the drug is gone, those receptors are still there. But, the body is not capable of naturally releasing the dopamine required to fill these receptors even during the highest of natural moments, leading these people to experience serious anhedonia -- an intense lack of pleasure from everyday life. It takes a long time for these receptors to downregulate, which is the reason for such a high rate of relapse for certain drug types. I think of Emerson's words a bit: "If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown!"
theshrike79 5y ago
Exactly this. My #1 advice for new parents is that the most important thing for a parent in the long run is to make sure their children are bored out of their gourds regularly. Kids need to have times when screen time has run out, there's nothing on TV and they have no hobbies on engagements to run to. Just time alone without any external inputs. This is the point where creativity usually pops up. Kids should be able to play with anything around them.
- meristohm 5y ago
  Yeah, boredom is a key, one I remember unlocking creativity when I was younger, and one I rarely can find anymore without effort (like John Cleese of Monty Python sitting in a barren room for four hours, 3.5 hours of boredom followed by a half-hour of inspired writingj[0][1]. [0] Create a space to play (2min clip): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWEXQ9E4QiI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWEXQ9E4QiI [1] Make time for boredom (36min, Swedish subtitles?): https://vimeo.com/176474304 https://vimeo.com/176474304
  - hypertele-Xii 5y ago
    I wish someone made the opposite lecture to John Cleese on creativity; I'm stuck in open mode, an endless supply of ideas, struggling to turn off the faucet and actually make something.
deleted 5y ago
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r0b05 5y ago
This is a profound realisation that is usually preceded by experiencing the sickness and suffering that comes with unrestrained desire. How it takes over one's discriminating faculties until one becomes blind to everyday beauty. I cannot recommend meditation enough to train the mind to stay calm when desires want to run rampant. No mantras or music, just sit in silence and boredom. Thoughts will come and go and eventually you will learn to cope with yourself.
- bayindirh 5y ago
  > I cannot recommend meditation enough to train the mind to stay calm... Actually came here to just say that. After reading the piece and just trying to sit tight, I was pleasantly surprised how meditation changed me over the years, in a good way. My path also has no mantras or music. Just inner reflection. Sometimes things got tough, but it transformed me dearly.
- swayvil 5y ago
  The subject of meditation is what cropped up first in my mind too. That dimension of exploration addresses this quite directly.
- dctoedt 5y ago
  How long did it take you to notice that meditation made a difference?
  - danielheath 5y ago
    Now that I know how to do it, I personally notice improvement after 15 minutes or so, lasting for about two days. Embarrassingly, even that’s often still not enough to get me doing it regularly. Habits are hard to build.
- TuringNYC 5y ago
  Mindfulness came to mind for me specifically. I used to jump from work to coffee meetings to fancy restaurant dinners out with both clients and friends to meet-ups at NY's Meatpacking District...to deeply enjoying the feeling of just sitting in a nature preserve, smelling sap, listening to birds, and breathing in the entire environment. (a benefit of taking a job in the burbs.) Before the lockdown, I did an experiment where I either walked (through a forest path) to work everyday or biked leisurely to work (also thru a forest path.) [I realize having the ability to do that is itself a blessing.] In winters, the walk was difficult (ice, elements, frozen mud) but it came to a point where the morning and evening "commutes" were the best part of my day. I would even take detours to more remote benches to clear my mind. I was incredibly productive at work throughout this 18month experiment, until lockdown. I captured some of this on Strava if anyone is curious: https://www.strava.com/activities/3211639111 https://www.strava.com/activities/3211639111
smichel17 5y ago
This is basically why I prefer living in a location with seasons. Yes, CaliFlorida weather is nice. But I appreciate what all of the seasons have to offer so much more for the variation. I could do with a 25% shorter winter and summer, though ;)
- bayindirh 5y ago
  > I could do with a 25% shorter winter and summer, though ;) I also love spring and fall, spring the most. On the other hand, after reading a piece about how euphoric is spring for nature and it's actually very tiresome for living things, I learned to appreciate other seasons. I'm a cool weather guy and more resistant to cold than hot weather, I don't dislike winter too.
  - irrational 5y ago
    Same here. Give me cloudy and cool over sunny and hot every day of the year.
colordrops 5y ago
Perhaps as you age this advice is great, and I find myself naturally trending towards it, but I wouldn't give up my past life full of titillations and jagged surprises for anything. It's been amazing so far.
failwhaleshark 5y ago
I read that book also. I believe in both modalities. I can go for days without human contact, code, "ideate" (sensory deprivation that leads to daydreaming, new product designs, and new writing ideas)... but I can't go indefinitely. I also have ADHD and need lots of stimuli to get a rush. I don't "party hard," but I engage in copious adult activities, decadent cooking, have people over to listen to blast vinyl at annoy-the-neighbors volume and let loose like it's the last day on Earth, and extreme sports. Your body may age, but never give up the joy of life. YOLADO (you only live and die once).
draw_down 5y ago
I agree with this, my only note is that it doesn’t matter if the quantity of pepper would cause others to choke or not. The problem is the escalating need for stimulation as the quote points out, but not the difference of effect of that stimulation has on one vs another.
Causality1 5y ago
Sometimes I think everyone has a set average level of happiness and as we get better at avoiding being unhappy we lose the highs as well. The only adults I know who scream in joy at Christmas presents also all have chronic depression.

dQw4w9WgXcQ 5y ago

>substituting titillations for profound organic satisfactions, cleverness for wisdom, and jagged surprises for beauty... ...And porn for relationships and intimacy. If there's any modern ill that has exacerbated our inability to be comfortable with boredom (which is essentially inner loneliness) it's porn. It's an escape for loneliness and a terrible salve that leaves the intrinsic desires for intimacy and connection unfulfilled, akin to drinking salt water to cure thirst. A psychological pandemic in its own right, and you can't escape its ubiquity and influence.

vorpalhex 5y ago
Using porn to fix loneliness is like using a screwdriver as a hammer. It's not the intent of the tool, nor can you be upset with the screwdriver for being a poor hammer. The issue lies with the maker, not the tool.
- oblio 5y ago
  Many things are clearly harmful because they exploit weaknesses in the human psyche and the average person. There is a reason why obesity is high and rising, for example.
  - vorpalhex 5y ago
    You can take two views of humans. One is that they are to be managed - their food choices kept narrow to safe ones, dangerous things removed from their environment, and only safe and allowable futures enabled. Give them little locked down tablets that don't view porn, keep their food limited to acceptable options, don't let them read dangerous books. The other view is that humans are free agents, and to treat them as less than an agent is to fundamentally deny their identity as such. That means giving them information but letting them make "bad choices" or "the wrong choice". Freedom means being able to make bad choices.
    - mjmahone17 5y ago
      There’s a road between those views: people are sometimes free agents, but often do not actively choose their own path. So while we should allow people to make their own choices when they’re actively choosing them, we can do a lot to make the default choice one that is relatively beneficial over the long term. So things like requiring sugary drinks to carry a label that makes it obvious when a juice is as sugary as a soda. Or modifying sidewalks and parking to make walking or biking short distances more pleasurable than driving. Some of how you do this is by removing dangers from their environment, for instance by separating bike lanes from roads. And by allowing people to break from a habit cycle, for instance by establishing rules for gambling like enforcing periodic breaks in play to give people opportunities to reassess their actions.
    - oblio 5y ago
      > You can take two views of humans. Nothing in life is black or white. Life has many shades of gray (more than 50). > Freedom means being able to make bad choices. Yet here we are, where you're fined for drunk driving or for not wearing a seat belt. * * * There are no penalties for making bad choices that only affect <<you>>. But almost every choice you make, good or bad, affects someone else. For an example of a very personal and selfish choice that actually impacts <<others>>, if you don't wear a seat belt and die, your family will greatly mourn your loss, but they might also not be able to make it without your financial support and have to get help from social services or from others, which others have to pay for. You'll probably turn a small accident into a big accident, and if you're not the only person in the car, you'll traumatize those with you for life (again, maybe needing help which others will pay for!) plus you're probably going to total the car (which the owner will have to pay for). Humans aren't trees falling in a forest, trees that no one can hear falling. * * * Simple rule of thumb: if a restriction has been agreed to by diverse societies across the world, across tens and hundreds of countries, maybe it's there for a good reason and you're statistically not smarter than billions of people. I hope you are, but I'm willing to bet you aren't. Approach these things more humbly, please.
Jeff_Brown 5y ago
> [porn is] akin to drinking salt water to cure thirst. That's an exceptionally beautiful analogy.
- RangerScience 5y ago
  There's a professor somewhere trying to prove that you can extend how long your pure water lasts by also drinking sea water; or something like that. Having trouble finding it right now.
- astrange 5y ago
  Hmm, but drinking water with electrolytes (including moderate salt) is more refreshing than filtered water.
bopbeepboop 5y ago
I think it’s a mistake to blame porn, rather than realizing porn is a self-medication for people targeted by institutional and pervasive misandry. I understand even after several generations of men being abused, people aren’t ready to admit man-hating is a real problem in modern US society. I would encourage people to view education statistics where men have trailed women for forty years — yet receive no institutional support, while female-focused programs are lauded by the press. Or sentencing statistics, where the gap between men and women for the same crime is three times the sentencing gap between whites and blacks — something most of us recognize as a problem. It’s the same thought process that blames video games for men staying home rather than assessing why they might rationally choose to isolate in a fictional world instead of embrace broader society.
tomp 5y ago
Meh. I've been watching porn since forever. My taste in porn has informed my real-life taste, and vice versa (in particular, I detest make-up / fakeness, both in porn and in real life). Still, I find real people infinitely more fulfilling and have always put effort into seeking real relationships, sexual and romantic. (I estimate porn is similar to gambling - some people's psychology makes them more susceptible to addiction of any kind.)
- serverholic 5y ago
  Yes I think what is not a problem for some can be a massive problem for others.
- dQw4w9WgXcQ 5y ago
  Meh. I've been going to bars since forever. I'm not like that guy over there who pounds a 12 pack every night and has no standards for what he funnels down his gullet. Despite my habitual usage and inability to refrain from the activity for any extended period of time, I estimate his psychology must make him the addict. For me it's a matter of refinement and my consciously-engaged frontal-lobe awareness of the fine hops and spirits that elevates me to a connoisseur of the boozy arts.
  - Dylan16807 5y ago
    If you hadn't inserted "inability to refrain" out of nowhere, you could have been describing a perfectly ordinary (though pretentious) non-alcoholic. And you inserted that based on absolutely nothing, so good work.
robben1234 5y ago
Porn only "fixes" loneliness if you have the feeling unconditionally linked to sex, which in a way is quite sad.
zemvpferreira 5y ago
I'm sorry if that's been your experience but this generalisation is a bit much. I probably watch about as much porn as I do Netflix - around 30 minutes per day on average. I enjoy it, it's very relaxing and pleasureful. I'm in a committed long-term relationship of 3 years and have had the same habits through other 3 relationships of about the same length. They've all had a full sex life and I enjoy both separately. I'm sure many people have the same experience.
- syops 5y ago
  There's been a bit of research into the destructive aspects of porn watching. Porn has normalized a number of sexual behaviors that were not common in the past. This is especially so for behaviors that are degrading to the woman. What's interesting about your comment though is that you accuse OP of over generalization whilst using your singular anecdotal experience in what I think can best be described as a example of under generalization.
  - pault 5y ago
    To be fair, some people of all genders get their kicks from being sexually dominated. The issue is knowing where the other person’s limits are and having good communication. This becomes a problem when people find discussing their sexual preferences embarrassing, even with their partners. My sex life improved greatly when I started asking my partners if they have any fantasies and exploring them together. Sometimes porn can help people discover things that they otherwise would have been too shy to bring up. However, If you’re watching porn five times per day and find yourself less and less stimulated by IRL sex, you need a detox.
    - syops 5y ago
      Of course there are such people. I submit though that the number of women who consent to anal and like it is much less than the number who consent and don't like it. The same for various other sex acts. I believe the research supports my position.
rantwasp 5y ago
yeah porn is a pandemic, NOT. here is a secret: we are hardwired to reproduce. you may think you have a choice but you are wired to fsck everything that has even a remote chance of resulting into you passing your genes forward. porn is a way to release some of the tension that comes with this wiring. nothing more, nothing less.
r0b05 5y ago
While many functioning porn users will dismiss your comment as nonsense, I believe it really is a massive problem in society. Porn in its current iteration, is similar to social media in that it literally programs your brain. We program computers but are ignorant to the fact that computers can program our behaviour if we are not careful. Yes, it is a poor substitute for intimacy but it also creates dangerous thought patterns and belief systems. These so called kinks have little to do with healthy sexual biological functioning. The perversions can become so ingrained that one will see it in real life instead of what is actually there. Remember, that a human being is programmed through our beliefs and habits, which are formed through repetitions. So be extremely careful of what you consume in this age of the Internet.
- beebeepka 5y ago
  Preaching posts like yours are more dangerous than whatever excess porn consumption may do to people's brains.
  - r0b05 5y ago
    I don't expect everyone to get it but if my insight helps a few people then it's worth sharing.
    - syops 5y ago
      I suspect that many of the people responding haven't read any research into the topic.
    - haswell 5y ago
      What insight, specifically? You make big claims with no citation, and when asked for more info, you dismiss those questions. If you’re interested in helping others understand the insights you claim to have, bring some details to the table! I’m pretty curious about the topic, and this is an inquisitive community in general. Unfortunately, the way you’ve presented your position is not helpful, especially for a group that tends to demand scientific proof or at least a well formed hypothesis.
akomtu 5y ago
Porn is the fastfood of relationships. The proper food is just out of reach for most of the people.
rkk3 5y ago
> porn for relationships and intimacy Never heard of anyone giving up dating or intimate relationships for Porn. Is this a thing?
candu 5y ago
If you think pornography is somehow uniquely modern...well, you're ignoring a millennia-long history of erotic depictions there, on top of presenting absolutely no evidence to support your rather Puritanical claims.

tux3 5y ago

But contrast, dynamic range, is not just about chasing intensity. This seems to be written from the perspective that avoiding any thrill is necessary so that boredom may be endured. As if you should avoid fun so that you don't ever have to fear the lack of fun. No. Absoluty not. You can listen to loud music and still enjoy the quiet parts. You can have intensity & quiet, and find beauty in both. Severing yourself from anything exciting out of fear of missing the very things you're depriving yourself out of, that seems to me entirely misguided.

Jeff_Brown 5y ago
I agree, and yet I think it's important not to focus too much on pleasure. Not just for the sake of productivity, but for the sake of one's own happiness. Caring about more than pleasure makes it easier to be happy. The Buddha had a lot to say about that. Then again maybe that boils down to a mere alternate definition of pleasure. Newcomers to exercise find it painful, and that feeling never really goes away, but some learn to enjoy it.
- tux3 5y ago
  That's interesting, I can't claim to entirely understand your comment, but I'd like to read more about this :)
mistahenry 5y ago
Your reading of this is rather extreme, and I feel you've missed the point by thinking that Russell is advocating to avoid fun intentionally at times so as to preserve a happy life. I read it as more an observation that the boring times, those in which there's a lack of stimulation, are an important part of a balanced, healthy life. A more modern take on his advice would be to avoid mindlessly surfing the internet every dull moment in which we are waiting a few minutes for some time to pass. If you haven't taken an extended, conscious break from the internet outside of your work needs (no social media, no news, etc), I recommend it. It was very enlightening for me to feel this lack of stimulation. I certainly enjoy my time on the internet when I'm there because I want to be there, not because I'm just looking for something to kill the time. Similarly, I've stopped listening to music while coding because I realized that the listening without mindfulness was killing my passion. After doing so, the passion has been restored. His words, too, remind me of the drug user's plight. My sister works in drug rehabilitation and has told me about the struggles many go through known as Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. From my naive understanding, these people have adapted to the constant, unnatural amount of dopamine flowing through the brains during addiction by producing more dopamine receptors. When the drug is gone, those receptors are still there. But, the body is not capable of naturally releasing the dopamine required to fill these receptors even during the highest of natural moments, leading these people to experience serious anhedonia -- an intense lack of pleasure from everyday life. It takes a long time for these receptors to downregulate, which is the reason for such a high rate of relapse for certain drug types. I think of Emerson's words a bit: "If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown!"

theshrike79 5y ago

Exactly this. My #1 advice for new parents is that the most important thing for a parent in the long run is to make sure their children are bored out of their gourds regularly. Kids need to have times when screen time has run out, there's nothing on TV and they have no hobbies on engagements to run to. Just time alone without any external inputs. This is the point where creativity usually pops up. Kids should be able to play with anything around them.

meristohm 5y ago
Yeah, boredom is a key, one I remember unlocking creativity when I was younger, and one I rarely can find anymore without effort (like John Cleese of Monty Python sitting in a barren room for four hours, 3.5 hours of boredom followed by a half-hour of inspired writingj[0][1]. [0] Create a space to play (2min clip): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWEXQ9E4QiI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWEXQ9E4QiI [1] Make time for boredom (36min, Swedish subtitles?): https://vimeo.com/176474304 https://vimeo.com/176474304
- hypertele-Xii 5y ago
  I wish someone made the opposite lecture to John Cleese on creativity; I'm stuck in open mode, an endless supply of ideas, struggling to turn off the faucet and actually make something.

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r0b05 5y ago

This is a profound realisation that is usually preceded by experiencing the sickness and suffering that comes with unrestrained desire. How it takes over one's discriminating faculties until one becomes blind to everyday beauty. I cannot recommend meditation enough to train the mind to stay calm when desires want to run rampant. No mantras or music, just sit in silence and boredom. Thoughts will come and go and eventually you will learn to cope with yourself.

bayindirh 5y ago
> I cannot recommend meditation enough to train the mind to stay calm... Actually came here to just say that. After reading the piece and just trying to sit tight, I was pleasantly surprised how meditation changed me over the years, in a good way. My path also has no mantras or music. Just inner reflection. Sometimes things got tough, but it transformed me dearly.
swayvil 5y ago
The subject of meditation is what cropped up first in my mind too. That dimension of exploration addresses this quite directly.
dctoedt 5y ago
How long did it take you to notice that meditation made a difference?
- danielheath 5y ago
  Now that I know how to do it, I personally notice improvement after 15 minutes or so, lasting for about two days. Embarrassingly, even that’s often still not enough to get me doing it regularly. Habits are hard to build.
TuringNYC 5y ago
Mindfulness came to mind for me specifically. I used to jump from work to coffee meetings to fancy restaurant dinners out with both clients and friends to meet-ups at NY's Meatpacking District...to deeply enjoying the feeling of just sitting in a nature preserve, smelling sap, listening to birds, and breathing in the entire environment. (a benefit of taking a job in the burbs.) Before the lockdown, I did an experiment where I either walked (through a forest path) to work everyday or biked leisurely to work (also thru a forest path.) [I realize having the ability to do that is itself a blessing.] In winters, the walk was difficult (ice, elements, frozen mud) but it came to a point where the morning and evening "commutes" were the best part of my day. I would even take detours to more remote benches to clear my mind. I was incredibly productive at work throughout this 18month experiment, until lockdown. I captured some of this on Strava if anyone is curious: https://www.strava.com/activities/3211639111 https://www.strava.com/activities/3211639111

smichel17 5y ago

This is basically why I prefer living in a location with seasons. Yes, CaliFlorida weather is nice. But I appreciate what all of the seasons have to offer so much more for the variation. I could do with a 25% shorter winter and summer, though ;)

bayindirh 5y ago
> I could do with a 25% shorter winter and summer, though ;) I also love spring and fall, spring the most. On the other hand, after reading a piece about how euphoric is spring for nature and it's actually very tiresome for living things, I learned to appreciate other seasons. I'm a cool weather guy and more resistant to cold than hot weather, I don't dislike winter too.
- irrational 5y ago
  Same here. Give me cloudy and cool over sunny and hot every day of the year.

colordrops 5y ago

Perhaps as you age this advice is great, and I find myself naturally trending towards it, but I wouldn't give up my past life full of titillations and jagged surprises for anything. It's been amazing so far.

failwhaleshark 5y ago

I read that book also. I believe in both modalities. I can go for days without human contact, code, "ideate" (sensory deprivation that leads to daydreaming, new product designs, and new writing ideas)... but I can't go indefinitely. I also have ADHD and need lots of stimuli to get a rush. I don't "party hard," but I engage in copious adult activities, decadent cooking, have people over to listen to blast vinyl at annoy-the-neighbors volume and let loose like it's the last day on Earth, and extreme sports. Your body may age, but never give up the joy of life. YOLADO (you only live and die once).

draw_down 5y ago

I agree with this, my only note is that it doesn’t matter if the quantity of pepper would cause others to choke or not. The problem is the escalating need for stimulation as the quote points out, but not the difference of effect of that stimulation has on one vs another.

Causality1 5y ago

Sometimes I think everyone has a set average level of happiness and as we get better at avoiding being unhappy we lose the highs as well. The only adults I know who scream in joy at Christmas presents also all have chronic depression.