6 ms·

Simplest explanation seems to be when there's a bunch of mating-age humans in one place, some of them mate. You see this with educational institutions, work, s

• coldtea 6y ago
  >What I don't see is that people join the institution with that market as an intention. It was a quite common idea in the upper middle class back in the day (let's say '20s to late 50s in the US with adjustments for countries in different stages of development up to very recently), somewhat after the initial women's liberation, but not so much so that women careers where not rare, that parents sent their girls to college not to study for a profession, but to snatch a husband.
• ycombinete 6y ago
  I knew a girl at university who was there to find a husband, and she did! In South Africa there is even a colloquial Afrikaans term for it: BA Man Soek, i.e. Bachelor of Arts in Finding a Husband. It is of course possible that this is/was a sexist idea, but I’m sure it’s a bit of both. Especially as a conservative woman seeking a housewife lifestyle, it makes sense to make yourself available in an environment where there is a high concentration of available men who will likely be quite successful.
  • llampx 6y ago
    In the US I've heard it called the MRS Degree.
    • smeej 6y ago
      Also the cliché "ring by spring" goal of senior year, especially common in sororities.
  • hkmurakami 6y ago
    the time honored M.R.S. degree! (Often said tongue In cheek and in somewhat bad form regarding certain top MBA programs.
  • jasode 6y ago
    >I knew a girl at university who was there to find a husband, and she did! In South Africa there is even a colloquial Afrikaans term for it: BA Man Soek, i.e. Bachelor of Arts in Finding a Husband. That motivation is not uncommon for some demographics such as students at Brigham Young University where it's openly acknowledged: “The point of Mormon women going to college is to find a spouse, period,” says Kate Kelly, an alumna of the college who graduated in the early 2000s. [...] “BYU is just like a dating factory,” she remembers, “but [for women] that was the entire point.” -- excerpt from : https://qz.com/1778333/the-brigham-young-university-wage-gap-tells-the-story-of-mormon-feminism/ https://qz.com/1778333/the-brigham-young-university-wage-gap...
• seniorivn 6y ago
  on the contrary, a lot of girls in Russian universities seem to be a lot more interested in mating(in serious way, finding the best husband they can) than in the field they supposedly are going to work in(specifically engineering, when most of guys who study some kid of engineering are really into it, girls just study to get grades) P.S. not everyone but significant amount to notice some kind of a pattern
• hkmurakami 6y ago
  It's just human relationships in general -- repeated serendipitous contact leads to relationships, platonic or otherwise. I believe that adults' stated difficulty stems from a lack of such an environment with few exceptions like church or sports clubs.
  • koolba 6y ago
    That’s also the secret to finding someone who matches your cultural tastes or background. You can’t pick who you fall in love with, but it’s easy to restrict the set of candidates.
• langitbiru 6y ago
  > What I don't see is that people join the institution with that market as an intention. Perhaps that happens because society would judge people to be creepy if they did that. Imagine you were a man and you announced to the world that you joined a yoga class not for yoga but for finding a girlfriend. The vibe that you broadcast would probably backfire on you. I'm experimenting on adding dating/marriage market to the institutions like educational institutions, work, sports clubs, and so on. I'm working on SwanLove (https://swan.love https://swan.love). Right now, it's just an ordinary centralized dating website. But I plan to build a decentralized dating app (without crypto). It's akin to GitLab or WordPress. Say, you own a gym. You can host my dating app yourself (https://yourgym/dating https://yourgym/dating) or on my site (https://swanlove/yourgym https://swanlove/yourgym). Then anyone who wants to join your dating app must have your gym membership. This way, a man in your gym who is attracted to a woman can send his like in your dating app. A woman can ignore or receive the romance invitation. Without this dating app, a man has to approach a woman in your gym. That, to some extent, can make a woman uncomfortable. You read some complaints from women about unwanted advances from men in gym. You would say that hitting on women is not appropriate in gym. So which places are okay to hit on women? My female friend told me that it's okay to hit on her in yoga classes. But what about tennis club, salsa club, workplaces? This is why I'm experimenting with this decentralized dating app. I know, I know, to some extent, this dating app can kill spontaneity.
  • szej 6y ago
    Why would women who to the gym to exercise opt in to have their gym account made into a profile for an internal dating app?
    • langitbiru 6y ago
      Maybe they are single and want to find romantic partners. Some women like to find partners who share common interests. Imagine you like to cycle and you like to find a romantic partner who also like to cycle. Wouldn't that be great?
      • sopp 6y ago
• jimhefferon 6y ago
  > What I don't see is that people join the institution with that market as an intention. Perhaps people go to, say, a Catholic college because of the people they might meet, there is a preference for Catholic?
• DoreenMichele 6y ago
  What I don't see is that people join the institution with that market as an intention. There is an old fashioned term that "She's just there to get her MRS." that used to be said about women attending college so they could marry a better class of man. I don't know how intentional that was on the part of women and how much it was simply expected that wives deferred to their husband's career. I've read/heard a fair number of true stories where a woman had trouble pursuing her career because she married a man with similar career interests and this made her largely unemployable. His employer wouldn't hire her and competitors of his employer also wouldn't hire her. Edits: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=MRS%20Degree https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=MRS%20Degree https://thoughtcatalog.com/isla-sofia/2014/03/7-definitive-ways-to-getting-your-mrs-degree/ https://thoughtcatalog.com/isla-sofia/2014/03/7-definitive-w... I believe it was Madeleine Albright who said in an interview she wanted to be a journalist but couldn't get a job as a reporter because her husband was a reporter. The paper he worked for wouldn't hire her and neither would other papers. Wikipedia doesn't mention that but does say: In January 1960, the couple moved to her husband's hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Joseph worked at the Chicago Sun-Times as a journalist, and Albright worked as a picture editor for Encyclopædia Britannica. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madeleine_Albright https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madeleine_Albright
• petra 6y ago
  There's often a difference between why people do things, and why they say they do things. Often they themselves aren't aware of why they really do things.
  • ganafagol 6y ago
    There is a certain risk that women could find your statement offensive.
    • leetcrew 6y ago
      it applies to men too. when I was in college it was not uncommon for men to take lower level women's studies courses with a certain agenda.
    • vladvasiliu 6y ago
      Why women in particular? It seems to me that statement can apply to men, too, including "finding that offensive." Plus, whether someone finds something offensive doesn't tell us whether the thing is true or false.
    • lmm 6y ago
      Which is of course unrelated to whether it's true.
• vmception 6y ago
  In the US, this is the first generation where economical equals are marrying each other Basically the idea of a man with stability marrying a woman who is seeking stability is now false, replaced by two upper middle class college educated people that are prospering in their careers Therefore, the new progressive and self aware observation is how this increases inequality much greater than the previous iteration of inequality (where women weren’t in university or the professional workforce). Ironic, but worth paying attention to. I find it interesting to think about. Marrying into wealth/stability is now a less reliable option despite our cultural predilections and assumptions not really catching up.
  • deleted 6y ago
    [deleted]
  • wegs2 6y ago
    There is a whole slew of problems. 1) There is still an expectation women will marry up, and men will marry down, in terms of income potential. If the woman is a little bit ahead, it's okay, but e.g. a doctor marrying a nurse is perceived as acceptable in one direction, but taboo in the other. This means there is a growing shortage of mates for men at the bottom of the socioeconomic heap, and increasingly, women at the top (unless college-age and pretty). 2) Overlapping and poorly-defined roles make for a lot more conflict in marriages. 3) Divorce laws vary by states, but in the most liberal states, tend to be punitive towards men; the de facto standard is women get the kids, and men pay (massive, debilitating) child support. At the same time, the legal industry works hard to increase divorce rates. With half of marriages ending in divorce, this leads to all sorts of misaligned incentives and imbalances which are taboo to talk about, but interplay in complex ways. Marrying down is now a huge liability. 4) And, as you pointed out, social classes are much more likely to calcify. We kind of got to where we are randomly, without thought or planning. We had a bad system (women were oppressed), and we pushed hard against it. It snapped. We landed somewhere pretty random and still pretty dysfunctional; just dysfunctional in other ways.
    • vmception 6y ago
      Yeah, misaligned incentives galore It will take collaboration between genders to reconcile Right now it is convenient for misandrists to just laugh at the concept of men complaining, and never even noticing that misandry is a character flaw - let alone a word this all exacerbates the reality
• anonu 6y ago
  Mating and marriage are not the same thing. We're social creatures and my view is a set of shared experiences and friends creates stronger bonds between people, which in turn can lead to marriage.
• lazide 6y ago
  Why do you assume people would state their full purpose, or are even aware of it? I’ve seen quite a bit of research that our reasons and justifications for an action FOLLOW the action, not the other way around.
• NoOneNew 6y ago
  I was about to say this. Why in the hell are they trying to over intellectualize, "horny young adults that see each other often are more likely to hook up with each other". Add in similarities of interest since they congregated to the same place, this leads to easier topic points to hold conversations. Even the most socially awkward can date in these situations since small talk points are made easier. I smell someone needed to use up grant money and ran out of ideas.