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Learning to let my go of my ego and trust... Understanding that delegating tasks, instead of doing them myself, was of the utmost importance the more people I

Learning to let my go of my ego and trust... Understanding that delegating tasks, instead of doing them myself, was of the utmost importance the more people I managed... especially, greenfield work. Literally: do not steal the fun. This also means inherently trusting people, and if you can't do that you shouldn't be working with them. two important notes about that: 1. If you just thought of someone you can't trust instead of thinking about how you can give more trust to people, you just had your ego stand in the way of mutual success. You are a shitty manager, and today is hopefully the first day of you recognizing that and learning to trust. 2. When people don't deliver what you expected, it's because you did a shitty job of communicating it to them. What seems obvious to you after 45 minutes in a meeting with three other people already prepared for the topic will most of the time seem obvious to no one else. If it does, I can almost promise, their vision of it is totally different than yours. Learning to work through the defining the problem (that includes asking "does this problem exist?") and then guiding solutions (we have x days, engineering hours, etc available) to ensure they meet the needs of the business. If no one but you delivers things correctly, you're a shitty manager, and today's hopefully the first day of you recognizing you need to learn to communicate and trust. Not many people are lucky enough to be told so plainly it's their ego, but it's your ego that causes your team to fail. Maybe it's your boss's ego that's causing you to fail... I was told plainly to my face to not let my ego get in the way of the goal... and yeah it punched me in the gut too, so if you're hurting, or in denial know it's okay. We all have to grow, it's worth it.

darkerside 6y ago
As someone who suffers from the same neuroses, I would push back on some of this a bit. If you haven't built trust with every person on your team, that doesn't make you a shitty manager. The more people you can work with and trust, the more effective you may be as a manager, but don't let a counterexample serve as proof positive that you suck. Trust is a two way street. Sometimes people underperform for other reasons that have nothing to do with you. They may have a different perspective, or they may just be having a bad day. Or they may have family or health problems affecting them. Or, they may actually just no longer care or not be good at their job.
- ISL 6y ago
  For the first point -- I believe that OP wants the manager to extend trust as a mechanism and path toward both a trusting relationship and short-term performance. For the second -- it is on the manager to know enough about the reasons affecting their report's performance to be able to adapt before the team underperforms. (and it is on the report to surface that information quickly so that the team isn't compromised)
  - Chozenlaruso 6y ago
    How can this be accomplished? I take great pains not to get involved in my employees' personal lives. When they call out sick, I never ask why. While I do ask if "they need anything", they never have to tell me what they are sick with, or if they are even not sick and just need a day. I assume they are adults who are competent to manage their own time. I once worked with a manager who would always ask for details like "oh you have a headache? Do you have a fever?" While I think his intentions were good, and that he just wanted to show concern and even offer support or advice, I always found the questions incredibly invasive and a violation of my privacy. My team knows that I will always listen if an employee wants to share details of their personal lives (upto anything that crosses the line of appropriatness for work), but I would never pry. So, in this example, I would never know an employee is struggling with a personal issue, unless they broached the subject with me.
    - darkerside 6y ago
      I don't think it's prying to care about your employees and want to make sure they are ok. Asking for at least first level details should be done IMO.
      - xxxtentachyon 6y ago
        What do you consider first-level details? It’d be super put off if my boss asked me if I had a fever when I emailed in sick.
anonymouse008 6y ago
So, you must have really good hiring methods... do you mind expanding on those too?
- peterlk 6y ago
  "Hire slow and fire fast". I've never seen a company that had not made several bad hires. The difference was the speed at which they were willing and able to identify them and remove them. You shouldn't trust someone the moment you bring them on, but I do believe that should be able to imagine yourself trusting them. A general rule for me is that you should know within the first 2-4 weeks whether you've made a bad hire. This is a bold statement, but my experience is that this time frame will give you enough time to get a gut check (super vague, but there are too many different patterns for me to articulate here). If your gut says no, that will stick with you, and your gut will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy anyways.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
hummerbliss 6y ago
"Learning to let my go of my ego and trust…” This is the quality I learnt to look for in a leader (I am not a leader but worked under few good ones). I also noticed how good leaders never take things personally. They quickly move on and not hold grudge. I am amazed how good leaders are able to do that and in doing so inspire me to do the same.
takeda 6y ago
Eh, that describes exactly my last job (which wasn't bad, I liked my coworkers, but my last manager made it a horrible experience), worst job I had so far. He wasn't bad as an engineer, but he had this crazy OCD to a point that even keys in YAML file should be ordered alphabetically. He had his vision how things should be, and how he would implement them. First, he was not happy that my solutions were done differently than what he would do. Then, when I learned about that he wasn't happy and tried to do it the way he wanted by asking him question about it he told me that I required hand holding and as a senior should not need that. Yes I'm senior, but not a mind reader. I would think that someone who majored in psychology would be better at something like that, but I guess the only thing he learned in psychology class was Socratic method, which he constantly overused when talking to others. He though he was being clever but only made me think (because I couldn't say it to his face): "just fucking tell me what the fuck you want me to do" Ugh, I'm so glad I don't have to deal anymore with this BS.
- johnchristopher 6y ago
  > He wasn't bad as an engineer, but he had this crazy OCD to a point that even keys in YAML file should be ordered alphabetically. Eh, I am guilty of that (for myself, I don't run around other people's code). I don't know if it's OCD but I clearly remember the moment I decided to order keys (in yaml, json, etc.): after a debugging session where I lost time because I was scanning whole lists with my eyes, looking for a particular key and thought "it'd be easier if it was ordered according to alphabet and not domains of concern". Wasn't there a debate/online conversation about `girly code` a decade ago ? About tabs, alignment, etc ? Thank you prettier :).
  - kubami 6y ago
    IMHO having this as a rule that keys in dictionaries are sorted alphabetically can be a valid rule. But this should be enforced in tooling, not "rules", and not through micromanagement. Much like using opinionated code formatters - like `prettier` you mention. It makes lives of everyone easier down the line. Sometimes this comes from years of experience (mostly pain ;)). Some leaders, while coming from a good place - I want to help you, and others, avoid pain in the future - communicate it very badly - do it like that... because I say so!
fighterpilot 6y ago
> When people don't deliver what you expected, it's because you did a shitty job of communicating it to them. Why is this necessarily the fault of the manager's communication skills? Sometimes the person sucks beyond repair and needs to be fired. If you have a competent person who didn't deliver what you expected, then yes, it's probably the fault of the manager's communication. Not so for the lower-end of that competence spectrum. It might still be the manager's fault for hiring that person in the first place, but that's separate to it being their fault at not communicating properly. The shitty job here is not firing that type of person quickly enough, and misdirecting the blame towards your communication skills. EDIT - edited the first sentence for clarity.
- takeda 6y ago
  If requirements were provided and person didn't fulfill them, they did a bad job. If requirements were fulfilled, but you aren't happy with the result, then you did a bad job.
  - irrational 6y ago
    This happened to me this past week. I built exactly what the spec said. They came back and said it all looks good, except we expected this to be that. Um, nothing about that was in the spec, nor was it ever mentioned verbally in a meeting. Making the change from this to that will require everything to be redone since it requires fundamental changes. I would have built it differently had it been communicated to me from the beginning. Apparently it didn’t occur to them to mention it. But they really want it. So I’ve started rebuilding it. Sigh.
    - brazzy 6y ago
      A key skill of a senior developer is a sixth sense for this kind of unspoken requirements, and asking questions to flush them out. Not always possible, of course.
      - nine_zeros 6y ago
globular-toast 6y ago
I don't think trust is something you can just decide to do. It's like loving someone or believing something. You either trust them or you don't. Is your advice to pretend you trust them? Some kind of "fake it til you make it" approach?
- jrh206 6y ago
  You can work on it. Trust people with small things (or at least bite your tongue while they do it their way). Observe that nothing goes wrong. Trust more.
jariel 6y ago
This is good advice for many but it's not nearly as universal as it's implied. There are people who don't live up to the mark in terms of quality and that's that, and in those scenarios it would have little to do with trust.

darkerside 6y ago

As someone who suffers from the same neuroses, I would push back on some of this a bit. If you haven't built trust with every person on your team, that doesn't make you a shitty manager. The more people you can work with and trust, the more effective you may be as a manager, but don't let a counterexample serve as proof positive that you suck. Trust is a two way street. Sometimes people underperform for other reasons that have nothing to do with you. They may have a different perspective, or they may just be having a bad day. Or they may have family or health problems affecting them. Or, they may actually just no longer care or not be good at their job.

ISL 6y ago
For the first point -- I believe that OP wants the manager to extend trust as a mechanism and path toward both a trusting relationship and short-term performance. For the second -- it is on the manager to know enough about the reasons affecting their report's performance to be able to adapt before the team underperforms. (and it is on the report to surface that information quickly so that the team isn't compromised)
- Chozenlaruso 6y ago
  How can this be accomplished? I take great pains not to get involved in my employees' personal lives. When they call out sick, I never ask why. While I do ask if "they need anything", they never have to tell me what they are sick with, or if they are even not sick and just need a day. I assume they are adults who are competent to manage their own time. I once worked with a manager who would always ask for details like "oh you have a headache? Do you have a fever?" While I think his intentions were good, and that he just wanted to show concern and even offer support or advice, I always found the questions incredibly invasive and a violation of my privacy. My team knows that I will always listen if an employee wants to share details of their personal lives (upto anything that crosses the line of appropriatness for work), but I would never pry. So, in this example, I would never know an employee is struggling with a personal issue, unless they broached the subject with me.
  - darkerside 6y ago
    I don't think it's prying to care about your employees and want to make sure they are ok. Asking for at least first level details should be done IMO.
    - xxxtentachyon 6y ago
      What do you consider first-level details? It’d be super put off if my boss asked me if I had a fever when I emailed in sick.

anonymouse008 6y ago

So, you must have really good hiring methods... do you mind expanding on those too?

peterlk 6y ago
"Hire slow and fire fast". I've never seen a company that had not made several bad hires. The difference was the speed at which they were willing and able to identify them and remove them. You shouldn't trust someone the moment you bring them on, but I do believe that should be able to imagine yourself trusting them. A general rule for me is that you should know within the first 2-4 weeks whether you've made a bad hire. This is a bold statement, but my experience is that this time frame will give you enough time to get a gut check (super vague, but there are too many different patterns for me to articulate here). If your gut says no, that will stick with you, and your gut will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy anyways.

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

hummerbliss 6y ago

"Learning to let my go of my ego and trust…” This is the quality I learnt to look for in a leader (I am not a leader but worked under few good ones). I also noticed how good leaders never take things personally. They quickly move on and not hold grudge. I am amazed how good leaders are able to do that and in doing so inspire me to do the same.

takeda 6y ago

Eh, that describes exactly my last job (which wasn't bad, I liked my coworkers, but my last manager made it a horrible experience), worst job I had so far. He wasn't bad as an engineer, but he had this crazy OCD to a point that even keys in YAML file should be ordered alphabetically. He had his vision how things should be, and how he would implement them. First, he was not happy that my solutions were done differently than what he would do. Then, when I learned about that he wasn't happy and tried to do it the way he wanted by asking him question about it he told me that I required hand holding and as a senior should not need that. Yes I'm senior, but not a mind reader. I would think that someone who majored in psychology would be better at something like that, but I guess the only thing he learned in psychology class was Socratic method, which he constantly overused when talking to others. He though he was being clever but only made me think (because I couldn't say it to his face): "just fucking tell me what the fuck you want me to do" Ugh, I'm so glad I don't have to deal anymore with this BS.

johnchristopher 6y ago
> He wasn't bad as an engineer, but he had this crazy OCD to a point that even keys in YAML file should be ordered alphabetically. Eh, I am guilty of that (for myself, I don't run around other people's code). I don't know if it's OCD but I clearly remember the moment I decided to order keys (in yaml, json, etc.): after a debugging session where I lost time because I was scanning whole lists with my eyes, looking for a particular key and thought "it'd be easier if it was ordered according to alphabet and not domains of concern". Wasn't there a debate/online conversation about `girly code` a decade ago ? About tabs, alignment, etc ? Thank you prettier :).
- kubami 6y ago
  IMHO having this as a rule that keys in dictionaries are sorted alphabetically can be a valid rule. But this should be enforced in tooling, not "rules", and not through micromanagement. Much like using opinionated code formatters - like `prettier` you mention. It makes lives of everyone easier down the line. Sometimes this comes from years of experience (mostly pain ;)). Some leaders, while coming from a good place - I want to help you, and others, avoid pain in the future - communicate it very badly - do it like that... because I say so!

fighterpilot 6y ago

> When people don't deliver what you expected, it's because you did a shitty job of communicating it to them. Why is this necessarily the fault of the manager's communication skills? Sometimes the person sucks beyond repair and needs to be fired. If you have a competent person who didn't deliver what you expected, then yes, it's probably the fault of the manager's communication. Not so for the lower-end of that competence spectrum. It might still be the manager's fault for hiring that person in the first place, but that's separate to it being their fault at not communicating properly. The shitty job here is not firing that type of person quickly enough, and misdirecting the blame towards your communication skills. EDIT - edited the first sentence for clarity.

takeda 6y ago
If requirements were provided and person didn't fulfill them, they did a bad job. If requirements were fulfilled, but you aren't happy with the result, then you did a bad job.
- irrational 6y ago
  This happened to me this past week. I built exactly what the spec said. They came back and said it all looks good, except we expected this to be that. Um, nothing about that was in the spec, nor was it ever mentioned verbally in a meeting. Making the change from this to that will require everything to be redone since it requires fundamental changes. I would have built it differently had it been communicated to me from the beginning. Apparently it didn’t occur to them to mention it. But they really want it. So I’ve started rebuilding it. Sigh.
  - brazzy 6y ago
    A key skill of a senior developer is a sixth sense for this kind of unspoken requirements, and asking questions to flush them out. Not always possible, of course.
    - nine_zeros 6y ago

globular-toast 6y ago

I don't think trust is something you can just decide to do. It's like loving someone or believing something. You either trust them or you don't. Is your advice to pretend you trust them? Some kind of "fake it til you make it" approach?

jrh206 6y ago
You can work on it. Trust people with small things (or at least bite your tongue while they do it their way). Observe that nothing goes wrong. Trust more.

jariel 6y ago

This is good advice for many but it's not nearly as universal as it's implied. There are people who don't live up to the mark in terms of quality and that's that, and in those scenarios it would have little to do with trust.