5 ms·

Dating - the #1 app for cities.

by asah 6y ago

onlyrealcuzzo 6y ago
Especially if you're a minority
dyingkneepad 6y ago
But, as an outsider: is it the case for Bay Area? I mean, tech companies have way more males than females, I would expect that areas full of tech employees like the Bay Area would not be ideal for males trying to find partners due to the bigger competition. Is that the case? How is the male/female ratio in those areas?
- rm_-rf_slash 6y ago
  If you’re a straight single male in the Bay Area your best dating option is to say fuck it and download Grindr or move to New York City.
  - Redoubts 6y ago
    Did both, can confirm.
- almost_usual 6y ago
  Dating is horrible in the Bay Area unless you grew up in the Bay or don’t work in tech. If you’re an outsider you’re considered a gentrifying techie so you already eliminated mostly anyone who is from the Bay. So now you have to date other outsiders and guess what, most of them work in tech. Most people who work in tech are male.
  - whimsicalism 6y ago
    Psh I don't think that's true. I think you will have trouble if you basically match every single other tech person in every attribute - ie. if you lean really hard into the stereotypes.
    - deleted 6y ago
      [deleted]
    - Kalium 6y ago
      It's not as true as it's talked up to be, but there is definitely an "Eww, techies" sentiment found among a non-trivial chunk of those that identify as "natives". You run into it a few times and you learn to spot some of the early warning signs.
      - whimsicalism 6y ago
        I find that building solidarity around the distortionary/gentrifying effects of the tech boom, to at least show that you are cognizant of the problems people are facing goes a long, long way.
        Kalium 6y ago
        I stopped trying that after it was turned into a series of direct and personal accusations of how I am the evil techie gentrifier. My experience has been the opposite of yours - showing awareness comes with the expectation that you accept blame. Your mileage may vary.
        scollet 6y ago
        Tech worker majority in SVBA have a choice to live 2 hours outside of the metro. Everyone else typically does not. The expectation is apt.
        Kalium 6y ago
        Personally, I'm not big on accepting personal blame for fifty years of bad urban planning decisions made by other people, almost entirely before I could vote. But I understand that that's not a helpful, satisfactory, or emotionally resonant response to someone looking for an enemy to accuse of wrecking everything they hold dear. Certainly not when they have someone who represents all those evils right before them. I've learned to cut such people off immediately. Nothing good can come of attempting to offer sympathy, solidarity, or compassion to someone who views you as a mustache-twirling cartoon villain.
sergefaguet 6y ago
And SF is the worst large city for dating in the world.
- Balgair 6y ago
  I'd say LA is worse, but not by much. Every date is a 75 minutes away and then 75 minutes back. SF is only 72 minutes ;)
  - sergefaguet 6y ago
    LA has cool, attractive people. Which, especially for a straight guy, SF really does not. Plus if you are in Santa Monica or Venice the traffic to get to other cool places is not that bad.
    - georgeecollins 6y ago
      The trick to LA is that it is huge, and you will tend to gravitate to certain parts. Different parts have different attractions. When I met my wife we both lived near by Fairfax & 3rd, which meant I could walk to her apartment. What didn't occur to me at the time was that we lived close to each other because we liked a lot of the same things and had similar life priorities. In retrospect location was a sorting mechanism that worked great for us.
  - georgeecollins 6y ago
    As someone who grew up in SF and went to school in LA, all this talk of where it is hard to date seems silly. People always like to complain about things like that but the truth is dating can be hard for some people anywhere.
    - Redoubts 6y ago
      No, there are absolutely strong forces which bring different kinds of people to one city over another.
dang 6y ago
(We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24766464 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24766464.)

Dating - the #1 app for cities.

by asah 6y ago

Dating - the #1 app for cities.

onlyrealcuzzo 6y ago

Especially if you're a minority

dyingkneepad 6y ago

But, as an outsider: is it the case for Bay Area? I mean, tech companies have way more males than females, I would expect that areas full of tech employees like the Bay Area would not be ideal for males trying to find partners due to the bigger competition. Is that the case? How is the male/female ratio in those areas?

rm_-rf_slash 6y ago
If you’re a straight single male in the Bay Area your best dating option is to say fuck it and download Grindr or move to New York City.
- Redoubts 6y ago
  Did both, can confirm.
almost_usual 6y ago
Dating is horrible in the Bay Area unless you grew up in the Bay or don’t work in tech. If you’re an outsider you’re considered a gentrifying techie so you already eliminated mostly anyone who is from the Bay. So now you have to date other outsiders and guess what, most of them work in tech. Most people who work in tech are male.
- whimsicalism 6y ago
  Psh I don't think that's true. I think you will have trouble if you basically match every single other tech person in every attribute - ie. if you lean really hard into the stereotypes.
  - deleted 6y ago
    [deleted]
  - Kalium 6y ago
    It's not as true as it's talked up to be, but there is definitely an "Eww, techies" sentiment found among a non-trivial chunk of those that identify as "natives". You run into it a few times and you learn to spot some of the early warning signs.
    - whimsicalism 6y ago
      I find that building solidarity around the distortionary/gentrifying effects of the tech boom, to at least show that you are cognizant of the problems people are facing goes a long, long way.
      - Kalium 6y ago
        I stopped trying that after it was turned into a series of direct and personal accusations of how I am the evil techie gentrifier. My experience has been the opposite of yours - showing awareness comes with the expectation that you accept blame. Your mileage may vary.
        scollet 6y ago
        Tech worker majority in SVBA have a choice to live 2 hours outside of the metro. Everyone else typically does not. The expectation is apt.
        Kalium 6y ago
        Personally, I'm not big on accepting personal blame for fifty years of bad urban planning decisions made by other people, almost entirely before I could vote. But I understand that that's not a helpful, satisfactory, or emotionally resonant response to someone looking for an enemy to accuse of wrecking everything they hold dear. Certainly not when they have someone who represents all those evils right before them. I've learned to cut such people off immediately. Nothing good can come of attempting to offer sympathy, solidarity, or compassion to someone who views you as a mustache-twirling cartoon villain.

sergefaguet 6y ago

And SF is the worst large city for dating in the world.

Balgair 6y ago
I'd say LA is worse, but not by much. Every date is a 75 minutes away and then 75 minutes back. SF is only 72 minutes ;)
- sergefaguet 6y ago
  LA has cool, attractive people. Which, especially for a straight guy, SF really does not. Plus if you are in Santa Monica or Venice the traffic to get to other cool places is not that bad.
  - georgeecollins 6y ago
    The trick to LA is that it is huge, and you will tend to gravitate to certain parts. Different parts have different attractions. When I met my wife we both lived near by Fairfax & 3rd, which meant I could walk to her apartment. What didn't occur to me at the time was that we lived close to each other because we liked a lot of the same things and had similar life priorities. In retrospect location was a sorting mechanism that worked great for us.
- georgeecollins 6y ago
  As someone who grew up in SF and went to school in LA, all this talk of where it is hard to date seems silly. People always like to complain about things like that but the truth is dating can be hard for some people anywhere.
  - Redoubts 6y ago
    No, there are absolutely strong forces which bring different kinds of people to one city over another.

dang 6y ago

(We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24766464 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24766464.)