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Reflections on Being a Female Founder
- umwbk9gagy 6y agoI think if I were female, I'd be a more successful founder. As a white male, I found that no investors were even willing to talk to me in spite of being an early employee at some great startups including Airbnb. I applied (and interviewed) at YC multiple times and was rejected for mostly BS reasons, which I think were just a cover for "we don't like you". I get it, I'm not a likable person, it's something I have to live with every day and I hate it about myself (also I'm mildly autistic, which doesn't help). I've given up on the startup thing because I lack the necessary connections to get ahead. Without funding, I can't market properly, and I can't hire sales people. It doesn't matter how great the product is, because at the end of the day it's all about sales and marketing. There's a significant number of VCs and funds which only invest in female founders, which is a huge advantage. The bar is much lower, which is great if you're a woman. It's just like hiring programmers: 2 sets of standards, one for men and one for women. For better or worse, that's the way it is.
- renewiltord 6y agoIt may be that this path is not for you so you've probably done the right thing. The market isn't fair and it's up to you to exploit your advantages (unfair or fair) and overcome your disadvantages (unfair or fair). If you find that infeasible, you can't play the game.
- umwbk9gagy 6y agoIndeed, so I guess I'll get a job or maybe just suicide because what's the point. I don't really feel like working hard so someone else can get rich off my labour anymore.
- seibelj 6y agoYou sound clinically depressed. I don't think being a man is why you failed. There is nothing wrong with working a job and slowly building wealth, especially someone who is supposedly a highly skilled software engineer - you can make retirement money in not-so-many years if you live frugally and save wisely. I seriously think you need some professional counseling.
- whotheffknows 6y agoYou're extremely selfish. I met the woman who wrote this article and was on a panel with her once five years ago and she was incredible and positive and never talked about her gender once. She actually made a super valuable company sold it and gave birth to a child during all of this and you are on here talking about how sad your life is because you acknowledge you're unwilling to have a cofounder because you're so unlikeable and because of that saying all women have it easier. Your are toxic. If you want to go cry about how no VCs like you then make your own post but this article is not the place for you.
- dang 6y agoFor sure this thread was a poor place to change the subject in that way and the commenter should not have started a flamewar (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23605490 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23605490). But crossing into personal attack is also a big step in the wrong direction, and also toxic. Please don't do that on HN, regardless of how wrong another user is or you feel they are. It only contributes to destroying this place further. There's also something to be said about not responding to a mention of suicide by aggressively hammering a person. Would you mind reviewing https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and sticking to the rules when posting here? We'd be grateful. Note the most important one: Be kind.
- renewiltord 6y agoI'm not a clinician, but you replied to my comment so I feel obligated to say this: go see a mental health professional.
- whotheffknows 6y agoBut of course if a female CEO works the system and exploits it the way men does she is highlighted online for lacking morals and ethics even though plenty of men run businesses the same way all the time and are either not even noticed for doing it or otherwise glorified.
- renewiltord 6y agoPeople online are insignificant. Online Peter Thiel is some sort of vampire who feeds off the lifeblood of young men and governments while suppressing the press. In real life, Peter Thiel is a respected businessman who is considered one of the archetypes of a successful entrepreneur. In the story, there are parts she openly regrets as having optimized for appearance: returning to work so soon after having given birth. There are parts she doesn't express regret over but mentions (the miscarriage, pumping in the car instead of a mother's room and the ensuing feelings of humiliation). There's probably a balance here but it appears that optimizing for appearance isn't of much value except when you need people to believe in your appearance: meeting investors, talking to your team. Since most people online are neither, they are not important.
- np_tedious 6y agoBeing a "likable person" is, for better or worse, pretty significant in sales / pitching / persuasion of any kind. If you really feel you lack this and have limited ability to improve, then a partner who fills this gap would be indispensable for your endeavors.
- umwbk9gagy 6y agoYep, that's why I gave up.
- woah 6y agoSounds like your gender is not a problem, since you concede that an investment in your venture would likely be wasted
- cheeselip420 6y agoWell this is straight poison. This attitude is exactly why we are missing out on so much potential engineering talent... You came so close to being self-aware enough to know that the problem is your own, but you couldn't resist putting the blame elsewhere.
- young_unixer 6y agoBoth can be true at the same time. OP being not as good as others and the industry being gender-biased.
- fzeroracer 6y agoIf the industry was gender-biased, then that would mean you would see more female founders, not less. Between this and the issues black CEOs face [1] the industry isn't biased in favor of minorities. As an aside, when we see articles like these and people jumping in to say 'if I were a woman, things would be easier' the implicit argument at play here is that she didn't get to where she's at because of her own ability, she got to there because she's a woman. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23540162 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23540162
- rumanator 6y ago> If the industry was gender-biased, then that would mean you would see more female founders, not less. No, because the base population is not uniformly distributed to begin with. I've participated in interview rounds for software engineer positions where the volume of candidates was already showing a gender ratio of around 20-to-1 male/female ratio, where half the male candidates never had a single CS lesson in their whole life. If in the end you get only 1 female-led startup for each 20 male-led startups that doesn't mean the VC world is biased.
- daleharvey 6y agohow many women do you think there are in the world?
- algorithmsRcool 6y ago> There's a significant number of VCs and funds which only invest in female founders, which is a huge advantage. I understand your reasoning in saying this, but please try to understand that being taken seriously as a female founder is much more difficult being taken seriously as a male. These VCs exist to combat this preexisting inequality.
- whatshisface 6y agoIs the inequality between men and women, or between people on the inside who incidentally are mostly men, and people on the outside who are also mostly men but include a relatively higher fraction of women?
- whotheffknows 6y agoAre you aware of how many idiots have millions in funding for a dating app a chat app a blockchain or ai company that is just a knockoff of others with no working MVP and now many of those young male founders have thrown expensive parties rented expensive cars then bankrupted the company and chalked it up to a "downturn in the economy"? If a woman did this, she would be nailed to the cross in silicon valley for being irresponsible with money and never get funding again. If you believe just because noone gave you funding that there are not a ton of young males being thrown money in VC with low quality knockoff products you are wrong. Your views on this are incredibly anecdotal with broad claims about both make and female founders and provide no data and seem to just support you wanting to lick your wounds, which is exactly what selfish makes do, take a valid woman's platform (this article) and somehow turn it into a pity party about themselves and use that to claim all women have it easier.
- whatshisface 6y agoHow do people get funding for nothing-apps? If anything that's evidence that being on the inside is what matters. (P.S. You forgot to check the username, I'm not the parent commenter.)
- globular-toast 6y ago
- whotheffknows 6y agoDo you have any data at all to show that the bar is much lower? Can you please provide it.
- dang 6y agoI'm sure many of us can empathize with your struggles, but starting a gender flamewar is not a valid way to express them on Hacker News, so please don't do that. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
- globular-toast 6y agoTo be fair, the article itself is starting a gender flamewar. It could have just been "Reflections on Being a Founder" but it's, of course, "Female Founder". Why is he not allowed to express his experiences as a male?
- dang 6y agoThe article itself is not starting a gender flamewar. The author is reflecting on her experiences. It's interesting. The flamewar starts when some users find parts of it activating and rush to the comment thread to reflexively vent their activation. Better options would be to reflect on one's own reactions long enough for them to turn into something thoughtful [1], or simply not to post. If you don't find it interesting, there are other things to read and discuss here. [1] https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&query=by%3Adang%20reflective%20reflex&sort=byDate&type=comment https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&que...
- globular-toast 6y agoIt quite evidently is. There are no flamewars going on in the comments of other articles that are about technology.
- microcolonel 6y ago> On some days, I would park my car on a sleepy street in Palo Alto and pump milk with a silicone hand pump in front of someone’s nice house, reading profiles of the investors in my next meeting from my iPhone. Occasionally someone would drive up, or a jogger would run by, and I would feel completely humiliated. I wonder how sometimes I can feel embarrassed even while doing my best, I guess that's everyone, all the time. > I’ve heard awful stories firsthand from friends. Horrific stories like being offered a term sheet if sex was involved. Thankfully, that was not my experience. I believe I am in the minority. In a kinda bitter cynical way, that particular horror story seems like a positive. I don't know that there's anything I could offer other than competence in a negotiation like that, aside from the occasional weird personal request like “Can you hang out with my son? I worry about him.” that I've received while conducting business. > When I look at leadership across companies, and leadership across countries, it looks predominantly male. And that means our world is missing out on a lot of hardworking, self-identifying women who can improve it. I think this is kinda selfish. Why do you assume that the world is “missing out” when there is so much accommodation and additional work involved? It's not like we're out here in the world buying soda, wool blankets, and toilet-grade mobile games, making special accommodations for masculinity. Work is done for a price, and that price is negotiated. If it is expensive to work with you, the price has to move, or the offering needs to get sweeter.
- timsally 6y agoTracy, I haven't participated in HN for about two years. This article hit me so hard I had to log in to say thank you and express my sincere appreciation. I remember seeing an interview with you when you first started PlanGrid and it was clear you were going places. Telling this part of the story is deeply important and takes incredible courage.
- rdamico 6y agoSame here. This was such an inspirational read. Thank you for sharing this.
- ClassAndBurn 6y agoTracy was the best CEO I ever worked for. Hands down. She listened to everyone and made PlanGrid a place where everyone was empowered to make change. Her passion to solve problems was obvious and raw. She attracted people who were similarly passionate. I knew she had it harder than others when I saw one of our own VC's caller her a "little girl" while doing a fireside chat with her at PlanGrid. In spite of it all she built a truly amazing company and culture. If you are reading this thanks Tracy.
- nchelluri 6y agoman, that sounds like a trashy thing (for the VC to have done).
- jasonwatkinspdx 6y agoI worked for a woman cofounder. It's incredible the things some VCs told her, including trying to get the other founder to drop her from the deal explicitly because of her gender. Make no mistake about it, the ugly goes way deeper than just a bad comment here or there. Thankfully the trend is toward better.
- ClassAndBurn 6y agoI'll second this; this was said in public to people that reported to her. What happened behind closed doors was likely much worse. Tracy's example of not using Mother's Rooms shows she was protective of that part of herself and not willing to even touch it when fundraising.
- kmonsen 6y agoIs the trend towards better? I used to think so but the stories I heard in my time in Google was really, really depressing. The problem is that getting worse can be a self-reinforcing thing. Once a few women get badly treated and leaves the gender imbalance gets worse and the bad behavior gets normalized.
- 6y ago
- BillFranklin 6y agoThis was an interesting read. Building and selling a company for $875m, that’s amazing! I was a bit confused, did the tech exec just quit without notice when they learned the CEO was pregnant? How would they be able to justify that insanity to their next employer?
- zcheck 6y agoI think you are reading too much into that part. She was telling the height of ups and downs as a CEO in that single day.
- AkshatM 6y agoI worked at PlanGrid during this event. The exec in question received an offer from one of the Big 4 at an equivalent (and possibly more senior - this was in late 2017, so memory is fuzzy) exec-level position, and simply sent word they wouldn't come into the office the next day. There was no two-week notice or polite exit interview - they just vanished. It was not common news that Tracy was pregnant at the time, so I do not believe it factored into his decision at all. The exec in question is very well-known and had lead successful teams at much bigger companies before. We speculated, at the time, that he had found working for a startup to be a very different beast instead.
- gautamcgoel 6y agoI'm curious, which companies make up the Big 4? Amazon, Apple, Google, Microsoft?
- AkshatM 6y agoUsually some subset of Facebook, Amazon, Apple, Microsoft, and Google So Big 5, really, but I feel Apple is usually omitted because its primary focus is consumer hardware and the software is usually an ancillary product.
- eastbayjake 6y agoUsually "Big Four" refers to the 4 largest accounting firms: Deloitte, EY, KPMG, PWC.[1] If it's referring to tech, that's an odd/confusing usage when "FANG" is so prevalent for the same concept but explicitly for tech. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Four_accounting_firms https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Four_accounting_firms
- nchelluri 6y agoThis was an interesting read. I found it well written and kind of sad, if optimistic and hopeful. Personally, I would love to see a lot more female developers. I am betting there is no significant difference in inherent potential talent between the two genders, so why are almost all coders I've worked with male?
- tialaramex 6y agoOne thing that bugs me: Women I know who wrote software kept finding new roles where they'd be in management instead and then they moan that they liked writing code and miss it. Maybe that tells us that sexism in software development is prevalent and they wanted out, which is no fault of theirs, and maybe they just wanted more money - but it definitely sucks overall. I find blind technical interviewing easy because I don't usually remember new people after a few moments. My reports say "The applicant" not out of a deliberate effort to screen the potential hire's name, race, gender - anything like that but because if they left an hour ago I already couldn't tell you anything whatsoever about them besides that they've got this very idiosyncratic approach to loop structures or they seemed not to understand what thread safety means or whatever. The only interviewee I remember at all now was a Russian woman for whom it was her first interview in the country, and her first interview in English, and my core goal for the entire time was to keep her calm enough that I could discern whether she knew how to do the job. It isn't humanly possible to stay terrified for say months, eventually she will relax if we hire her (and she did, she was fine within a week) - but she might manage to stay terrified for long enough that I can't tell if she actually understands what a compound primary key is and how these iterators I'm talking about work and if I'm not sure then hiring her would be a big risk.
- eyerony 6y ago> Women I know who wrote software kept finding new roles where they'd be in management instead and then they moan that they liked writing code and miss it. Maybe that tells us that sexism in software development is prevalent and they wanted out, which is no fault of theirs, and maybe they just wanted more money - but it definitely sucks overall. I secretly (well not in this moment but ordinarily secret) consider women in software development smarter than men, on average, due precisely to this observed tendency to spot where the social and monetary rewards are (management, other social roles "above" developers) almost immediately and start aiming for that ASAP. [EDIT] this is in general bigcos and "startupy" places, anyway—I dunno if that trend holds in e.g. FAANG or finance or the other places where devs actually do make really, really good money rather than just good-for-not-a-manager like everywhere else.
- whotheffknows 6y agoI wish every time a male on HN posted an article about his struggles as a founder there was intense debate about whether males are as qualified as females or not. I guess it's just going to happen to females when they are extremely successful, and not males. Fun!
- ameyv 6y agoTruly inspirational read. Keep up Tracy.
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- satyrnein 6y agoI wish there were a clear bad guy here, but most of the hardship seems to have been caused by more diffuse social pressures. What could we have done as an industry to improve the author's experience? Maybe just having more female founders around in general (by removing any barriers) would make some of these circumstances more commonplace.
- belorn 6y agoMany times in the article she perceive male founders as stoic machines that regardless of health or mental state would go to work and operate as if nothing is wrong, and then goes to copy that. That is a stereotype that is hurting both men and women, and removing that would resolve a lot of the hardship.
- mtgp1000 6y agoSo if I want to push myself in pursuit of my dreams, I need to sandbag because working hard sets bad precedent for others? Edit: why is this flagged? Is it not a valid point? If you claim that there is a problem in tech because men are stoic and work long hours even during times of personal hardship, you're effectively shaming these men for working too hard. This is something that needs to be discussed before you start setting policy.
- klyrs 6y agoTreat it as a marathon, not a sprint. Making time for your mental health is not a cultural priority, and that results in a high rate of burnout across the industry. I think I'd have made it a lot further in my career, and faster, if I'd avoided that in my 20s.
- silvat 6y agoI think pursuing an idea or project with wreckless abandon can be a beautiful thing. The risk of getting injured in the attempt to push limits is the cost of doing business.
- ameister14 6y agoI first truly understood how different it was for women when a friend came home from an investor pitch and casually complained to another woman we lived with that it had been another investor more interested in a date than an investment. It was then that I found out it was common to have potential investors take female founders out for dinner, ostensibly to talk over the potential investment but in reality as an attempt to sleep with them. These women felt that they couldn't really tell anyone about it because they didn't want to poison the well of potential investment, so they just went on fundraising and being harassed. I don't know if things have changed much - it's been six years since I was out there, but from reading this I think it's likely continuing on just the same as it was then.
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- vmception 6y ago> I think I was scared of what others might think of me as a new mother and CEO, maybe because of my own insecurities, maybe because of the societal norms ingrained in me. I see this so much from corporate career ladder focused women. People literally feeling guilty for wanting some aspect of motherhood, or going through some aspect of motherhood. (and then ironically apologizing about that, despite the core of their reconditioning being not to apologize unnecessarily all the time) I am not sure how much this is talked about, as its always been a personal conversation when I hear it.
- umvi 6y agoPersonally, when I hear that a woman (or man) with kids is running a startup, I think "that kid isn't going to have the full attention of that parent..." Especially when I read stuff like: > I pressured myself into proving that I was as dedicated to PlanGrid as I always have been. I interpret that phrase as "...at the expense of dedication to my kid". I personally think it's okay to "be less dedicated" to work in order to spend more time with kids (for both mothers and fathers). Kids (esp. little kids) demand a lot of time, and they are only little once. Time is finite. Startups are time black holes. You have to sacrifice time somewhere...
- markdown 6y ago> Personally, when I hear that a woman (or man) with kids is running a startup, I think "that kid isn't going to have the full attention of that parent. So like, almost every startup ever.
- umvi 6y agoI was under the impression that a lot of startups are run by single people with time to burn "toiling upward in the night" I recently read "Masters of Doom" because someone here recommended it, and both id software and ion storm were mainly run by single people working hellish 80-120 hour weeks. Technically John Romero had kids, but... early on in his startup he divorced in order to free up more time for making games.
- bsder 6y ago> I think it is easier for predators to target their prey when they are alone. I was never alone. I hate that this is true. But it's probably valuable advice for any gender.
- ci5er 6y agoIt's rough. And confusing. And surprising. For a guy anyway... I have no illusions that it isn't 99.9% worse for a female, but when I was the founder/exec at a startup in the 90s, and driving staff home after happy hours, I was shocked at how physically aggressive some of them were about "going for it" with me in the driver's seat of a car. Some even got glitter all over my family sedan (ewww!). Which I then had to explain to my wife (that didn't go very well a couple of times). Sometimes people didn't have an appropriate upbringing and have twisted morals or decision-making apparatii. I have the utmost sympathy for women, because they are "at risk" and I am not, but it's a weird weird world out there.
- nudpiedo 6y ago> To top it all off, I felt I had to be a version of what I thought a good male CEO was, so that I wouldn’t be judged or treated differently. It would take me years before I realized how delusional I was. I became a better and happier leader by being honest in who I was. So one of the main problems as female founder was to imitate men’s idealized CEO role? Men also suffer trying to imitate idealized roles, but we do not have women’s specific problems which OP comments. I guess it would make a lot of sense that Tracy shows women how is the female CEO role that adapts better to her identity rather than wish for some sort of equality which will never happen just for claiming it. Just a suggestion, but overall I enjoyed reading it as it is a good insight on some of the struggles female founders face which aren’t always obvious for men.
- cutemonster 6y ago> good insight on some of the struggles female founders face which aren’t always obvious for men. Yes, and especially since people tend to try to hide their struggles so no one knows about it
- jimbob45 6y ago>Not a lot is written about being a female founder and CEO. Seems like it’s the only thing female founders ever talk about. I’ve seen articles on the topic from Sarah Blakely, Bethenny Frankel, Elizabeth Holmes, and Sheryl Sandburg. I’m not opposed to exploiting any advantage you have as a businessperson but it’s bold to open with a bald-faced lie.
- dnprock 6y agoI started a company 8 years ago. I went through startup literature. I tried to follow the advices. We got our product going for 2 years. But we couldn't make it big. We eventually transitioned to contracting work. We were basically working for a bigger company. Except we had the freedom to work from home. We're about to fold during this pandemic. I'm happy with the choices I made. My take away lesson is most of the startup advices are molding us into stereotypes. You have to come up with a business model and projection. You have to have more than 1 founder. Silicon Valley is where you want to be. We have to do xyz to raise funding. These advices distract us from building products and selling to customers. They also create unhealthy relationships. I think corporate structures and funding industries have baked-in inequalities. They are optimized for pattern matching. They discriminate against a lot of things: company size, gender, race, etc. When you follow company building advices, you are trying to retrofit into these structures. Stereotypes and discriminations come with them. You'll be disappointed and unhappy. For my next projects, I don't seek out for advices. I build stuff, find users, find customers. The only advice filter is: help me find customers.
- alexpotato 6y agoI think it was Maciej Cegłowski, founder of https://pinboard.in https://pinboard.in, who related the following story: - He had a competitor who couldn't make the product work given revenues < costs - He ended up buying the competitor - Because his infrastructure costs were much lower (I believe due to NOT using AWS whereas the competitor did) he was able to make money on the cash flow from the competitor because he ran his business more efficiently. This story struck me because it was a vivid reminder that two companies, in the same industry and with the same product can have VASTLY different operating models when it comes to people, costs, infrastructure etc. I 100% believe you are correct in that pattern matching plays a role. That being said, it's important to add that there are "a thousand right ways and a million wrong ways." Just because one of the 1000 is the hot ticket doesn't mean it's the only way.
- WalterBright 6y agoThe pattern that matches best is "making a fat profit". A real estate agent told me once that a client has decided whether he wants to buy the house or not before he opens the front door.
- divbzero 6y ago> On some days, I would park my car on a sleepy street in Palo Alto and pump milk with a silicone hand pump in front of someone’s nice house, reading profiles of the investors in my next meeting from my iPhone. Occasionally someone would drive up, or a jogger would run by, and I would feel completely humiliated. This is just a small bit of everything Tracy wrote. But I would love to see this stigma changed. There should be no shame in caring for your child. Thank you for sharing your story.
- smabie 6y agoI mean, it's kind of on her if she felt humiliated. I feel embarrassed by things that no one notices and no cares about. But those feelings are a reflection of me, not society.
- lazyasciiart 6y agoNot really. They are reflections of what you have learned from the way other people react to you or to someone else.
- austincheney 6y agoHumiliation, which is different from regret, is a product of self reflection in confrontation to social feedback. That said it’s hard to blame anybody for a feeling of humiliation when it’s almost always the product of social reinforcement.
- ncallaway 6y ago> But those feelings are a reflection of me, not society. Society was the one that originally taught you to be embarrassed by those things, though. Yes, with work you can try and take back some of that control. But those things that you are embarrassed by were taught to you to be embarrassing.
- yomly 6y agoTaking a step back from her story, I find it so weird that we stigmatise some of the most universal human experiences. Essentially every person will piss burp fart and poop. And almost every person has one of two genitals. (EDIT and our biological parents will have one of each). And almost every mother will feed their baby with their breasts. And yet we have become so detached from the animal part of our identity and so caught up in some abstract values that we get squeamish seeing and talking about these things. We have much to learn on this front from our scandi and dutch friends who have chilled the F out.
- kinkrtyavimoodh 6y agoThis was a good read and I thank Tracy for writing it. However, I do have some remarks about the comments I am reading here, so I am writing a top level post so as to not single out a specific comment. It doesn't become ok to stereotype just because the stereotypes are saying nice things about the right demographics. I read a comment here talking about women going into management roles because of higher 'EQ', and being better than men at noticing social and monetary rewards, and what not. I think that if someone had made a comment about men having more 'technical aptitude' or something they'd be down-voted, and rightly.
- jecel 6y ago> I read a comment here talking about women going into management roles because of higher 'EQ', and being better than men at noticing social and monetary rewards, and what not. There was more than one comment, so you might be right about some of them. But the ones I read had an extra level of indirection: it wasn't the authors of the comments who had the "women have higher EQ" idea but the people they were talking about and who are pressuring women to move into management. So it is not "X is true" but "Y thinks X is true and so is doing Z" that is being presented as a fact.
- alexashka 6y ago> It doesn't become ok to stereotype just because... What's psychology? Theories regarding human behaviour. What's a stereotype? A theory regarding human behaviour you think is inaccurate. Unless we want to limit ourselves to platitudes that interest no one because everyone agrees, we're going to express thoughts that some people consider to be stereotypical. I take it as a given that I can only please some people, some of the time. Therefore I'm ok with expressing opinions that may be deemed stereotypical and I extend that freedom to everyone else. I call it freedom of speech. I hope freedom of speech is ok with you.
- pm90 6y agoYes the tone deafness in these comments is astonishing. I can absolutely see why women/minorities are unwilling to put up with that to work in technology. My hope is that more people begin to see that this isn’t ok and that the culture changes, and I am glad that you pointed this out specifically.
- irjustin 6y agoI was lucky enough to hear Tracy speak recently. Her persona oozed so much of what I wish I could be. Successful, confident. There's always tougher, more human sides that we don't like to share because it allows us to be taken down. Like revealing the weak points of our fortress to the enemy. I can only guess what that feels like as a woman in the industry. I 100% loved this post. Thanks Tracy for writing this! Count me as one of your fans and whatever you do next, motherhood, investing, founding, watching your children grow - I'm rooting for you.
- spiritplumber 6y agoReflections on being a trans founder: Nobody cares. Prepare to be misgendered a fair amount. Know that you will have to go to bat for your employees which may limit your options when it comes to going to bat for yourself. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
- zomglings 6y agoSounds brutal. Are you still running your company? Sincerely, good luck. I didn't understand what you meant by going to bat for your employees - bat against whom?
- spiritplumber 6y agoKarens, mostly.
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- LockAndLol 6y agoWhat do you mean by "nobody cares"? As in they don't care which gender you identify as and treat you normally (or not)?
- mongojunction 6y agoI had mixed feelings reading this. The writer seems an inspiring person, who went though a hard time having a baby. I feel less inspired when I see that even someone capable of such an amazing sequence of choices to create her own success, seems to succumb to the temptation to blame others for her own anger, both at externalities and at her own choices during early motherhood. But I suppose it's also humanizing because stress affects even successful people. I guess I hoped that people who had made it world be better at this stuff... but that's probably just me hoping my own future success will make everything easy. I like how she shares her journey even if I don't always agree with her reactions. It must have been really hard to go through what she went through. And that doesn't mean it was anyone else's fault or that it's just because she's a woman. I think reaching for the "this happened because I'm a woman" model of the world is a mistake because it's probably not accurate and in any case if you believe that it's disempowering because, like, you just have to accept "well I'm a woman that's my lot now." And if you believe that and then can't do blissful acceptance, the only natural consolation from that position is to take out anger on others. Which is not healthy for them or for you. That's a model of the world from which you can't make effective change so you're just left with anger at the difference between the way you want things and the way they are. blame and anger are tempting constellations but they don't help you make effective change and they speak out of powerlessness. so no individual is ever really powerless. it's okay to have those reactions of course it's normal and the choice comes in do we emphasize those and to what extent do we act on those and to what extent do we choose other actions and perspectives to emphasize. what leads to the best result for an individual? must be quite the identity crisis to go from not being a mother to being a mother and then also from being a founder and CEO to feeling out of place as an employee and finally exiting. in such an experience where all your former pillars of self-identity I changed or move away it's challenging to work out your orientation in the world and who you are so it's natural to reach for something that seems secure and seems to offer consolation. but I would warn against reaching for something which is a temporary consolation and not a long-term empowering perspective. if I was in this position I believe the best thing for me would be to try to integrate all that I've learned about myself into a empowering perspective on myself in the world and when I felt confident in that and then I'd work out what I wanted to do next. John Lennon said "you say you want to change the world, why don't you free your mind instead." I think we owe it to ourselves and to "our sons and daughters" to discourage people from adopting disempowering self-identities and perspectives and encourage them to adopt individually empowering ones. One of the things that can be emphasized by that, is personal responsibility. Another, as hinted by the writer, is managing emotions. I think another is owning emotions. I especially liked this part, and found it very empowering, and in my experience it's one one right way, "What I have found is that I cannot stop myself from being human, but I can practice dialing down the duration of negative feelings like anger, fear, and sadness."
- mikhailabordo 6y agoI'd say There is not Gender on being a CEO. It can be learned with best practices. so I salute all CEO that works hard for their Employees. We thank you from our deepest hearts.
- bigears2020 6y ago"The women's experience can be really hard - I went through infertility, pregnancy, birth, miscarriage all the while trying to balance being a good leader, good mother and good partner." Who elected her representative of all women?
- psim1 6y agoNote to DS9 fans: this is not an essay from Salome Jens.
- jojobas 6y agoDisclaimer: I don't make the rules, and the rules are probably unsubstantiated. There's no shame in going to toilet, it's just not in to do it in plain view. It's not the "feeding your child" bit that raises eyebrows, it's "naking your boobs".
- fiblye 6y agoThe toilet is a place where we get rid of the dirty things our bodies produce. We do it away from others because it's not sanitary or safe to just do it in the open. It's weird that an adult can have a meal just about anywhere they please, but when a baby needs to be fed, the expectation is to do it in an isolated area as if it's a disgusting act.
- jojobas 6y agoA baby can be fed from a bottle anywhere, no problem (I'm aware how much more beneficial breastfeeding is). It's the naked boob that sets people off. Expose even a male nipple in an office building or a restaurant and see what happens.
- ncallaway 6y ago> It's the naked boob that sets people off Those people need to grow up
- Gibbon1 6y agoFriend of mine had a comment about such things. Someone that gets torqued by a infant being breastfed is a 'proud possessor of a personal problem'
- fiblye 6y agoI've been served by shirtless guys in normal restaurants and food carts. I've seen more than enough shirtless guys eating dinner outside without anybody caring. I've only seen a few nipples in offices, so maybe you have a point there.
- mindfulplay 6y agoI have no idea what this company does but her account of it is genuine, honest and makes me appreciate the true difficulty of being a female leader. It's a bit unfortunate there isn't a government support for women in power to take with huge risks while bearing children. It's unclear as an outsider what a free market could do to help here and that's sad.
- tropdrop 6y agoThis is a good time to point out that the US is the only country in the world with no federally mandated parental leave of any kind. [1] 1 - https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jan/27/maternity-leave-us-policy-worst-worlds-richest-countries https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jan/27/maternity-le...
- austincheney 6y ago> Someone I trusted had snuck out of responsibility in the most selfish way imaginable, and my body responded with intense physical reactions. I wondered if male CEOs would have reacted this way. I wish I knew. She learned she was pregnant that morning so the physical reactions could have been lightly compounded by knowing that. While joyous there is some stress that comes with knowledge of pregnancy. Otherwise, yes, the reactions to betrayal are similar for males. It’s less about difference in sex and more about the person in how they respond to that specific form of stress.
- OrangeKnucles 6y agoShe can always marry a guy who makes less money than her and is willing to be a stay-at-home parent who takes care of her kid. But she'd rather whine.
- drobert 6y agoWe had gender roles because it was the most effective way to survive and raise a family. The cost was that women were assigned rather basic responsibilities. Because tech and services have evolved families can outsource some of the chors done by women in the past like cooking, cleaning. In the case of making babies the the technology is still in development but we will get there. Artificial wombs will be an option in the next decades. Still the baby requires for the normal emotional development close contact with the mother. In the end the fundamental role of the mother to bond with the baby cannot be outsourced and I do not think that's desirable. Will there always be differences between men and women in the workplace? I think the answer to the question is yes, at least for women who chose to raise a family. Fundamentaly that is a life choice. But now with more freedom for women there is more pressure for them to achieve. Creating a company is hard, very hard. Raising a kid at the same time I believe it requires super human effort. I profoundly respect the author, she is a real fighter. But few women when given the choice would choose to do what she did. Feeding a baby in the car while doing research seems far from desirable for most women I presume. Then the question is why she did it? I will be interested to know her view, but I presume she really cared about her company and it was beyond money. This is the price to pay for creating a company, Musk works crazy hours to keep his two companies alive. Female founders with a kid are under the same pressure. There is nothing we can do here to make it easier: the world of businesses is a race, a competition, nobody cares about you're personal problems: a kid, cancer, etc. > I want to see a world where men and women, who make up equal halves of humanity, also make up equal halves of leadership. When that happens, I wholeheartedly believe that the entire world will benefit. The push towards equality of outcomes is a dangerous ones as it creates expectations that are not realistic to be met. Given our biological makeup and the roles that derive from that I believe this is the not realistic. While I totally agree that women who want to lead and are willing to make the sacrifices required are making the world a better place, it is not for everyone and we should accept and respect that.
- bhubert 6y agoI know I'm a little lateto the party, but I want to make the point that I don't actually think that there being few women in leading roles is the problem. I think it is a symptom. I think it is a symptom of a real underlying hidden problem that is the discourse of todays society is biasing the interests of our children differently based on gender. A lot of places we're strongly associating the color blue with boys and the color pink with girls. We force these colors upon them while they're such a young age that they might grow the same associations. I think this also happens with attributes other than favorite color, attributes such as behavioral patterns. I'm bot saying there's not also a biological aspect to this, but noone I've read has any idea of how much is nurture and how much is nature, but it seems to me that when looking at our (as a society) practices with our small ones, there is certainly room for a great deal being nurture. In short I don't think that the problem is that there are few women in leading roles, I think the problem is that we are raising our boys to want to be leaders and our girls to not.
- strictfp 6y agoI'm convinced that the best thing we as society can do for gender equality right now is to abandon the corporate roles that cater unreasonably much to the stereotypical macho male gender role. These are roles which in principle require you to abandon your private life and spend all your mental energy on the company. Why do we even have these roles? Well, according to behavioural psychology males fight for status, and the ultimate sacrifice gives the ultimate status. No wonder that no sane person wants a role like this. What is holding these roles in place then? Well, I think the business sector and legislation is largely to blame. Laws stipulate corporate structures, and business schools teach corporate structure perfectly in tune with the last industrial revolution. If there is anything we can do to make the work environment more egalitarian, it's to change corporate structures and create roles which aren't unreasonable and/or customized to old-fashion gender roles.
- Siira 6y agoPerhaps the current situation is completely okay? Some people sacrifice their leisure to work for something they care about. These tend to be men because of heightened competition. Who are you to dictate their life to satisfy your statistical egalitarianism? This is just bullying.
- galoisgirl 6y agoThe sacrifice way more than just leisure. If this was about leisure, there would be no discussion.
- mdorazio 6y agoThe point stands. Who are you to dictate what is and is not ok for others to sacrifice in order to get what they want? Just because their values don't align with yours doesn't make them wrong.
- galoisgirl 6y agoI'm not saying people shouldn't freely chose to sacrifice something, quite the opposite. I don't think some sacrifices should be required. It will always be a grey area: you can't have everything in life, there's only so many hours in a day. Another thing that may not be okay, is that when you tool at the top 5 regret of the dying, most men regret having worked so hard. So why are we pretending this is what they want?
- globular-toast 6y agoI find this article incredibly sad for a number of reasons. The story is of a woman who has reached a level of success that very few ever reach, and not for lack of trying. In addition, she managed to have a child at the same time! This is something very few people in history have achieved. But the reflections we see are entirely negative. There are no reports of the elation after acquiring VC funding, the high that comes with finally shipping after months of graft, or enjoying the fruits of recognition after becoming one of the wealthiest people on the planet. Nor are there any reports of the joy of having a child or the love and support that exists within her relationship. On the surface this is a person who has achieved everything that we're told should bring happiness, but what we see is someone drained, tired and ultimately unhappy. The life of a founder and CEO of a company is far from a normal human experience. It's a lifestyle that very few in society are well-suited for. While a lot of people would take the rewards, very, very few are willing or capable of putting in the work required. In a free market economy these things just sort themselves out. We end up with founders and CEOs who are happy to take those roles simply because the ones that aren't happy just won't go through with it. The best people in any role are those that have an almost irrational drive to be good at what they do. I feel that people like Tracy were dragged and forced through ordeals like this due to societal pressures but she would have been much happier in a role that allowed her to enjoy the other aspects of life (like childbirth). We need to stop forcing equality in places where it doesn't belong. This woman felt like she needed to behave like a man: completely dedicated to the role, but her biology simply won't allow it. The sooner we accept that we can move on. Life is about making choices. You can't have your cake and eat it too. All adults have to understand this sooner or later. For the vast majority of women, happiness is going to come with having children. Let's stop encouraging women into career paths like this that ruin that for them.
- fergie 6y ago"Not a lot is written about being a female founder and CEO" Maybe this is just a Scandinavian perspective, but I feel like there is in fact quite a lot written about this.
- gadders 6y agoI wonder how much of this experience is as a female founder, or as a mother-founder. I think a lot of the difficulties attributed to being a female in the workplace are much worse for mothers.
- xchip 6y agoI'd be love to know more women that have the same tech interests and passions as me. Unfortunately for me not only there aren't many, most of them see tech as something for nerds. So please get more women into tech before I am too old :)
- proc0 6y ago"Women have different lived experiences than men, and not acknowledging this would be a disservice to humanity." Then later... "The tech industry has a long way to go toward gender equality in the workplace. ... I want to see a world where men and women, who make up equal halves of humanity, also make up equal halves of leadership." So she is doing a disservice to humanity by her logic. She chose to have a child. She is not holding herself accountable for that decision. Men don't worry about this decision, and therefore have more of an obligation to take care of women. Go on, continue thinking you can compete with men, who don't have this biological requirement. You will continue to lose, unless you forfeit the privilege of bearing a child, in which case you just became like a man.