7 ms·

In regards to the commute, you're probably right. But you live in a bubble if you think those most workers see nights out with their coworkers as "forced". Afte

In regards to the commute, you're probably right. But you live in a bubble if you think those most workers see nights out with their coworkers as "forced". After-work happy hours are the absolute highlight of the week/month for most people I know that work in banking, consulting, sales, education, etc. Many of them will even voluntarily meet up outside of work to spend more time together. Many people, especially those in non-tech industries, aren't so introverted as most SWEs, and are actually friends with their coworkers and love the opportunity to socialize throughout the day while at work. Most everyone I know that works outside of tech would dread the thought of having to spend every day alone at home without people to chat with in the break room. Just because you apparently have such a negative attitude towards your coworkers does not mean that most others do.

wolco 7y ago
That's until you reach a certain point in your life (baby, sponse) or the staff changes or teams structure. We've all been there. The strongest bonds were made at my first few companies. Once you leave and are no longer friends hanging out you'll probably realize they are not true friends. But those times were great. Besides we in tech need to go home to work on our side project.
- txcwpalpha 7y ago
  > That's until you reach a certain point in your life (baby, sponse) I’m past that point, as are all of my friends. Nothing in my comment is changed by that fact. If anything, coworker relationships actually become more important as you get older and your other friends start to drift away. Post age 30, work is one of the best (if not the only, for most people) opportunities to socialize and make friends. I’ve noticed that people in other fields realize this and take advantage of it, but those in technical positions don’t, and many techies seem to even actively despise that aspect.
  - pdimitar 7y ago
    We are being treated as interchangeable cogwheels. At certain point you do start to despise the social aspects of work, yes. Plus, I've had several people -- all the way to the CEO -- assure me how much I am appreciated and even looked at as a superhuman, yet 2 months later boom, we have to lay you off. Defense mechanism or not, it's pretty normal to not mix personal and work lives and you pretending it's not dysfunctional to have friends at work is actually a bit worrying. You just got lucky, mate. That's cool and I am happy for you. But you should recognise it should absolutely not be the normal state of affairs.
    - txcwpalpha 7y ago
      No, I’m sorry that your situation is the way it is, but the dysfunctional mindset here is the one that thinks that making friends is not normal. If you really think the way that your post describes, you should find a new job ASAP because it is absolutely not healthy to view such a large portion of your life that way. Being laid off has nothing to do with friendship. As your post even says, you should separate personal from business. I know several people who were separated from places of work and still maintain strong bonds with their now-former coworkers. I personally left my company of 5 years on not-so-great terms and yet several of the people in my wedding party are coworkers from that job. Work is a great place to begin friendships, and just because you no longer work at the same company does not mean your friendship has to end. And that’s the way it should be.
      - pdimitar 7y ago
        Well, I don't think we disagree. I know that friendships can start at work and I'm okay with that. I was mostly saying that it shouldn't be the norm because mixing work and personal life can lead to pretty nasty problems. I too have a few pleasant acquaintances that are former co-workers, by the way.
        txcwpalpha 7y ago
        Your original comment states that it is “dysfunctional to have friends at work”. We absolutely disagree.
Phenix88be 7y ago
Coworkers are not your friends. If they are, I think it's unhealthy because it mean you have sentimental bound with the company you work for. That mix badly with business (because the relationship you have with your company is a business one). If an other company offer XX% more than your current company but you stay for your "friends" you could have a big disappointment in the future.
- eden_hazard 7y ago
  I've group friends at work and we have a whatsapp group where we talk at least a few times a week. Three people in our group of 6 left for new jobs this past year and we're still in contact. One guy moved to Michigan for a job last June. He came back to NY just to visit us and we organized a few dinners and get togethers during his stay. It's not really a farfetched idea to love the people you work with every day.
  - Phenix88be 7y ago
    I would have hard time calling those kind of people my friend by my definition of friendship. How much time do you see those people IRL ? Online relationship meaning nothing to me. The work place force relation between people. I work with a guy I hate for almost 2 years. You are not my friend because I m forced to work with you. You are my friend if you are willing to make a sacrifice for me the same way I would for you.
- BigJ1211 7y ago
  If changing employers is what breaks the friendship, then it wasn't a very good friendship to begin with. I really don't see the issue in socialising with colleagues and potentially becoming friends.
- txcwpalpha 7y ago
  I personally think this would be a very difficult mindset to have in regards to an environment I spend so much of my time in. Just because you have a financial business relationship with your employer does not mean you can’t have friendships with other people that also have business relationships with your employer. It would be unhealthy to not have some type of friendship with people you spend so much time with. The majority of my closest friends (and their closest friends) are people that started from work relationships and we have had no problem leaving those companies when the time came, and we have maintained our friendships. It’s not any different than any other friendship where people sometimes move or start new hobbies. That said, if someone does choose to stay at a specific company because they have friends there... so what? Having a strong social circle and support network is, in many cases, a better reason to work at a company than a higher paycheck.

wolco 7y ago

That's until you reach a certain point in your life (baby, sponse) or the staff changes or teams structure. We've all been there. The strongest bonds were made at my first few companies. Once you leave and are no longer friends hanging out you'll probably realize they are not true friends. But those times were great. Besides we in tech need to go home to work on our side project.

txcwpalpha 7y ago
> That's until you reach a certain point in your life (baby, sponse) I’m past that point, as are all of my friends. Nothing in my comment is changed by that fact. If anything, coworker relationships actually become more important as you get older and your other friends start to drift away. Post age 30, work is one of the best (if not the only, for most people) opportunities to socialize and make friends. I’ve noticed that people in other fields realize this and take advantage of it, but those in technical positions don’t, and many techies seem to even actively despise that aspect.
- pdimitar 7y ago
  We are being treated as interchangeable cogwheels. At certain point you do start to despise the social aspects of work, yes. Plus, I've had several people -- all the way to the CEO -- assure me how much I am appreciated and even looked at as a superhuman, yet 2 months later boom, we have to lay you off. Defense mechanism or not, it's pretty normal to not mix personal and work lives and you pretending it's not dysfunctional to have friends at work is actually a bit worrying. You just got lucky, mate. That's cool and I am happy for you. But you should recognise it should absolutely not be the normal state of affairs.
  - txcwpalpha 7y ago
    No, I’m sorry that your situation is the way it is, but the dysfunctional mindset here is the one that thinks that making friends is not normal. If you really think the way that your post describes, you should find a new job ASAP because it is absolutely not healthy to view such a large portion of your life that way. Being laid off has nothing to do with friendship. As your post even says, you should separate personal from business. I know several people who were separated from places of work and still maintain strong bonds with their now-former coworkers. I personally left my company of 5 years on not-so-great terms and yet several of the people in my wedding party are coworkers from that job. Work is a great place to begin friendships, and just because you no longer work at the same company does not mean your friendship has to end. And that’s the way it should be.
    - pdimitar 7y ago
      Well, I don't think we disagree. I know that friendships can start at work and I'm okay with that. I was mostly saying that it shouldn't be the norm because mixing work and personal life can lead to pretty nasty problems. I too have a few pleasant acquaintances that are former co-workers, by the way.
      - txcwpalpha 7y ago
        Your original comment states that it is “dysfunctional to have friends at work”. We absolutely disagree.

Phenix88be 7y ago

Coworkers are not your friends. If they are, I think it's unhealthy because it mean you have sentimental bound with the company you work for. That mix badly with business (because the relationship you have with your company is a business one). If an other company offer XX% more than your current company but you stay for your "friends" you could have a big disappointment in the future.

eden_hazard 7y ago
I've group friends at work and we have a whatsapp group where we talk at least a few times a week. Three people in our group of 6 left for new jobs this past year and we're still in contact. One guy moved to Michigan for a job last June. He came back to NY just to visit us and we organized a few dinners and get togethers during his stay. It's not really a farfetched idea to love the people you work with every day.
- Phenix88be 7y ago
  I would have hard time calling those kind of people my friend by my definition of friendship. How much time do you see those people IRL ? Online relationship meaning nothing to me. The work place force relation between people. I work with a guy I hate for almost 2 years. You are not my friend because I m forced to work with you. You are my friend if you are willing to make a sacrifice for me the same way I would for you.
BigJ1211 7y ago
If changing employers is what breaks the friendship, then it wasn't a very good friendship to begin with. I really don't see the issue in socialising with colleagues and potentially becoming friends.
txcwpalpha 7y ago
I personally think this would be a very difficult mindset to have in regards to an environment I spend so much of my time in. Just because you have a financial business relationship with your employer does not mean you can’t have friendships with other people that also have business relationships with your employer. It would be unhealthy to not have some type of friendship with people you spend so much time with. The majority of my closest friends (and their closest friends) are people that started from work relationships and we have had no problem leaving those companies when the time came, and we have maintained our friendships. It’s not any different than any other friendship where people sometimes move or start new hobbies. That said, if someone does choose to stay at a specific company because they have friends there... so what? Having a strong social circle and support network is, in many cases, a better reason to work at a company than a higher paycheck.