14 ms·

Your kids are at the age before school where they are the hardest to deal with. Once a kid gets to school, magic happens. I mean it. - They get tired from lear

Your kids are at the age before school where they are the hardest to deal with. Once a kid gets to school, magic happens. I mean it. - They get tired from learning stuff. And the teachers know how to deal with them. - They learn how to behave in a group. They start having actual friends. - You get a bunch of friends who are in the same situation as you, and you can use their kids to cancel out yours. (AKA playdates) - Having friends in the same boat will help your confidence a lot. They can help you directly with the kids, plus some of them will have older kids too, and they can tell you it gets better. - As for your own time, try to be disciplined about the kids' bedtime. It helps a lot that school is tiring them out, and use that momentum to not let them decide when to go to bed. If you get them asleep before 8pm, how much different is your day really? You had to eat anyway, and you have to keep the house clean regardless. Your real problem is if they keep you up to 11pm each night, then your life is gone, and they end up in a cycle of having not enough sleep. Make them sleep, then code up your side project. For example my kids started school at 4. I've put them in full time after school care as well, ending at 6pm. Now they're tired but awake when they come home and can eat a meal, then bath, then bedtime. You can read something to put them to sleep, then go and do your own stuff. --Edit Forgot to mention, the kid will learn how to read. From there you can give them a book and that will keep them quiet. Remember to teach them how to code as well, so they have proper tools to explore the world.

throwaway2519 7y ago
> my kids started school at 4. I've put them in full time after school care as well, ending at 6pm > you get them asleep before 8pm > you can give them a book and that will keep them quiet And then people wonder why kids don't listen to and respect their parents when they grow up. You're basically just giving school teachers full control to raise your kids at age of 4, and they only interact with you for 1-2 hours during the day and don't really know who you are. I guess I am just raised differently but I can't understand this type of parenting. Why have kids at all, if all you do is try to get away from them and make them not bother you and live separate life especially at such an early age.
- evrydayhustling 7y ago
  Parents talk a lot about stuff that lets their attention be somewhere other than their kids because that's the hard part, not because they don't also want to pay attention and have quality time with their kids. It's good for kids to see their parents with autonomy and goals of their own, and simply not exhausted. Doing so doesn't have to be antithetical to having a warm relationship. If you're in a loop of surviving the demands of very small children, then even when they have your attention it can be hard for it to be quality time. Carving out some auto only lets you be intentional and actively thankful about the time you do spend with your kids.
- bryanmgreen 7y ago
  No clue why you're being downvoted. I too wonder why anyone would want children if they don't actively want to spend time and raise them.
  - coldtea 7y ago
    Raising children is not about being a helicopter parent like many Americans understand it. It wasn't even in the US like that, until the 80s or so, when media people and book authors inspired profitable guilt to parents, and the boomers started making pandering and spoiling their kids the norm. If we're talking about kids less than school age, then sure, parents are with them most of the day. After school age however, 1-2 hours per day with the kids is not "not spending time", it's rather more time than kids historically got. In fact most kids will turn out Deliverance-level weird if parents insist of spending more time with them. It's up there to messing up your kids with homeschooling... Kids are not there to keep parents company, or for them to make into your image. They are beings of their own, and have interests of their own, and they should be let to do their thing.
    - kmarc 7y ago
      > it's rather more time than kids historically got. But... But... Any reference to this? All I can see here that some people think that "history" is how their great-grandparents were. No! After industrialization and urbanization, so less then a couple hundred years ago did humans start this new lifestyle. You don't even have to travel back in time, just travel to places where tribes and their commons are still around (to a certain extent). You will see, that "history" is far away from going to an office 9-5 and then spend 2 hours with your offsprings.
evrydayhustling 7y ago
Just want to say, as someone recently on the right side of this, this reply is gold.
hodgesrm 7y ago
Why did you decide to have kids? This is a serious question.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
- winrid 7y ago
  It makes your life meaningful in a way nothing else can.
  - georgediaz 7y ago
    Politely disagree. I feel like one should already have found a way to make their life meaningful before having a kid. Having a child just adds to it, changes the nature of that meaningfulness, enhances it ... but not be the cause of it.
    - winrid 7y ago
      Nope. You should find a way to be happy. Meaning is irrelevant although most people find meaning in responsibility.
  - HappyDreamer 7y ago
    But you cannot know about that before you have kids? Instead, that's something you discover afterwards? (And I think the question was about before :-))
grepfru_it 7y ago
> They learn how to behave in a group. See this with my LO from going to daycare. Mob mentality is real, at home can't get a nap to save our lives.. at daycare napping at 12pm like clockwork. Also the book thing is real, when my phone is off limits a book becomes the next fantasy reality for kids. For everyone reading, keep giving your toddlers something to do other than your phone. Everything is a teaching opportunity, and you are teaching them how to keep themselves preoccupied. Books, gadgets, legos, matchbox cars.. whatever, their imagination takes off exponentially once they hit 2
raducu 7y ago
Sleep before 8pm? Is that even possible?(my daughter is almost 2 and not yet in daycare, which means she never goes to her night sleeps before 11pm).
- triangleman 7y ago
  Yes it's absolutely possible. At age 2 my son gets one nap and goes to bed at 7pm (after dark). Use the circadian rhythm to your advantage.
- cameron_b 7y ago
  I want to bolster the reply you already got. Regularity Is everything for little ones, and it was hard for us to get in a good rhythm with sleep. My wife lead the charge ( as she was the one our LO wanted at night, even after being well fed before bed ) and read a lot of material on sleep patterns. She started a routine of dinner - bath - reading - bed, with a target of 7:15 for bed. the first two nights were hard. building the pattern means sticking to your guns, making sure he -really does- have everything he needs, getting him tired and then not getting him out of the crib. Having your kid wailing in the next room is the worst thing in the world, but knowing that you're working on something that will help everyone is the only reason to let him "cry to sleep." We did 5 - 10 - 15 minute interval checks to soothe him, remind him we were still there, build confidence and independence, and on day two he "got it" and went to sleep after the second check. Now he's down within 30 minutes of 7:15 and sleeps really well. He still gets up in the middle of the night, and being sick or cold throw it all off, but he gets back on track. He's 16 months now and has been sleeping well for four months. Its a life changer. I hope you get some sleep.

throwaway2519 7y ago

> my kids started school at 4. I've put them in full time after school care as well, ending at 6pm > you get them asleep before 8pm > you can give them a book and that will keep them quiet And then people wonder why kids don't listen to and respect their parents when they grow up. You're basically just giving school teachers full control to raise your kids at age of 4, and they only interact with you for 1-2 hours during the day and don't really know who you are. I guess I am just raised differently but I can't understand this type of parenting. Why have kids at all, if all you do is try to get away from them and make them not bother you and live separate life especially at such an early age.

evrydayhustling 7y ago
Parents talk a lot about stuff that lets their attention be somewhere other than their kids because that's the hard part, not because they don't also want to pay attention and have quality time with their kids. It's good for kids to see their parents with autonomy and goals of their own, and simply not exhausted. Doing so doesn't have to be antithetical to having a warm relationship. If you're in a loop of surviving the demands of very small children, then even when they have your attention it can be hard for it to be quality time. Carving out some auto only lets you be intentional and actively thankful about the time you do spend with your kids.
bryanmgreen 7y ago
No clue why you're being downvoted. I too wonder why anyone would want children if they don't actively want to spend time and raise them.
- coldtea 7y ago
  Raising children is not about being a helicopter parent like many Americans understand it. It wasn't even in the US like that, until the 80s or so, when media people and book authors inspired profitable guilt to parents, and the boomers started making pandering and spoiling their kids the norm. If we're talking about kids less than school age, then sure, parents are with them most of the day. After school age however, 1-2 hours per day with the kids is not "not spending time", it's rather more time than kids historically got. In fact most kids will turn out Deliverance-level weird if parents insist of spending more time with them. It's up there to messing up your kids with homeschooling... Kids are not there to keep parents company, or for them to make into your image. They are beings of their own, and have interests of their own, and they should be let to do their thing.
  - kmarc 7y ago
    > it's rather more time than kids historically got. But... But... Any reference to this? All I can see here that some people think that "history" is how their great-grandparents were. No! After industrialization and urbanization, so less then a couple hundred years ago did humans start this new lifestyle. You don't even have to travel back in time, just travel to places where tribes and their commons are still around (to a certain extent). You will see, that "history" is far away from going to an office 9-5 and then spend 2 hours with your offsprings.

evrydayhustling 7y ago

Just want to say, as someone recently on the right side of this, this reply is gold.

hodgesrm 7y ago

Why did you decide to have kids? This is a serious question.

deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
winrid 7y ago
It makes your life meaningful in a way nothing else can.
- georgediaz 7y ago
  Politely disagree. I feel like one should already have found a way to make their life meaningful before having a kid. Having a child just adds to it, changes the nature of that meaningfulness, enhances it ... but not be the cause of it.
  - winrid 7y ago
    Nope. You should find a way to be happy. Meaning is irrelevant although most people find meaning in responsibility.
- HappyDreamer 7y ago
  But you cannot know about that before you have kids? Instead, that's something you discover afterwards? (And I think the question was about before :-))

grepfru_it 7y ago

> They learn how to behave in a group. See this with my LO from going to daycare. Mob mentality is real, at home can't get a nap to save our lives.. at daycare napping at 12pm like clockwork. Also the book thing is real, when my phone is off limits a book becomes the next fantasy reality for kids. For everyone reading, keep giving your toddlers something to do other than your phone. Everything is a teaching opportunity, and you are teaching them how to keep themselves preoccupied. Books, gadgets, legos, matchbox cars.. whatever, their imagination takes off exponentially once they hit 2

raducu 7y ago

Sleep before 8pm? Is that even possible?(my daughter is almost 2 and not yet in daycare, which means she never goes to her night sleeps before 11pm).

triangleman 7y ago
Yes it's absolutely possible. At age 2 my son gets one nap and goes to bed at 7pm (after dark). Use the circadian rhythm to your advantage.
cameron_b 7y ago
I want to bolster the reply you already got. Regularity Is everything for little ones, and it was hard for us to get in a good rhythm with sleep. My wife lead the charge ( as she was the one our LO wanted at night, even after being well fed before bed ) and read a lot of material on sleep patterns. She started a routine of dinner - bath - reading - bed, with a target of 7:15 for bed. the first two nights were hard. building the pattern means sticking to your guns, making sure he -really does- have everything he needs, getting him tired and then not getting him out of the crib. Having your kid wailing in the next room is the worst thing in the world, but knowing that you're working on something that will help everyone is the only reason to let him "cry to sleep." We did 5 - 10 - 15 minute interval checks to soothe him, remind him we were still there, build confidence and independence, and on day two he "got it" and went to sleep after the second check. Now he's down within 30 minutes of 7:15 and sleeps really well. He still gets up in the middle of the night, and being sick or cold throw it all off, but he gets back on track. He's 16 months now and has been sleeping well for four months. Its a life changer. I hope you get some sleep.