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Man, the older I get the more I realize that life is always a balancing act. I immigrated from a 3rd world country (probably a 2nd world now) 20 years ago with
by sakopov 7y ago
Man, the older I get the more I realize that life is always a balancing act. I immigrated from a 3rd world country (probably a 2nd world now) 20 years ago with my parents. Both of my parents were engineers and both were paid about once a year by their employer because nobody had any money. So we were broke and poor my entire childhood. And yet we always had friends visiting us. There were always celebrations. Seemed like we managed to get by and stay happy despite the circumstances. Rewind a couple decades later and I barely see my parents living. Both come home exhausted from work. I spent most days stuck in the office and then toil away working on my own projects and ideas. And that's it. We have everything we ever wanted and absolutely no happiness. I recently came back from a trip to my home country and I see neighbors talking to each other and inviting each other for dinners and celebrations. People are eager to help each other out. You can strike up a conversation with a total stranger at a bus station and it doesn't feel weird and awkward. I was looking at all of this and thinking if i'd give up everything i have now to simply enjoy humanity for a change. You can't have everything in this world.
- subpixel 7y ago> i'd give up everything i have now to simply enjoy humanity for a change. Everything but security which, unfortunately, is worth giving up a lot of other things to have. I'd move to my wife's home country tomorrow if we could live without fear of our child being kidnapped. My wife's uncle was kidnapped and murdered, another aunt and cousins bound in their home by robbers, and another cousin held for a day by a group of illegally armed militiamen from a neighboring country. Other than that it's paradise!
- themodelplumber 7y agoWhat you wrote reminded me of an old film from 1986, _The Mosquito Coast_. Specifically the quote, "everything we need is right here."
- amelius 7y agoAnd don't forget health-care ...
- subpixel 7y agoSomewhat less of a concern as long as you maintain coverage in your own country (in my case, US) and have the wherewithal to go home if you decide you need to. But yes, a serious accident or onset of a critical and fast-acting illness would have you questioning your choices.
- the_common_man 7y ago> I'd move to my wife's home country tomorrow if we could live without fear of our child being kidnapped Not comparing it with your wife's country (especially since you said people got murdered), but in the bay area, you won't find kids walking alone anywhere. Despite being one of the safest places in the US, parents and society overall is paranoid. They have traded group safety for individual safety.
- percentcer 7y agoBrazil?
- subpixel 7y agoNot far off. Sadly, there are any number of countries in the region with similar conditions.
- secabeen 7y ago“You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.” ― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!
- mieseratte 7y agoPleasantly surprised to see this. Grew up alongside a large family with an almost annual high school graduation party. That book was a cornerstone of the event, read aloud and a copy given to each graduate. Never really "got it" until just now. Makes me wish I'd read his books a kid.
- Mr_Shiba 7y agoLived for a couple of years in America and opted to return to my country for similar reasons as yours Industrialized nations mistake comfort and wealth for happiness
- zhirafovod 7y agoNeither discomfort and misery give you happiness. But with wealth and in comfort you have more resources to focus on what is really important to you!
- zdragnar 7y agoI don't know where in America you lived, but not everywhere is like that. It is a big and diverse place, after all.
- Swizec 7y agoOne workaholic to another: There’s plenty of people in the US, even in places like San Francisco, who have balanced lives and don’t spend their whole time working. Put in their 8 or 10 hours per day at a startup then go off and do fun hobbies like standup comedy, singing in church choirs, or just binging Netflix. Hell, my girlfriend has zero sidehustle and she does just great for herself. Working all day erryday is a choice you are making. I make that choice because I didn’t move here to coast and I’m okay, even happy, with the tradeoff. Food for thought :)
- jxramos 7y agoI always appreciated those jobs postings that explicitly mention not working crazy hours. I should keep a journal of such statements. It's an interesting phenomena.
- LASR 7y agoWell with early-stage start-ups, it’s really not about what’s on the JD for an opening. Anyone can write a few words about being strictly 40hr weeks. The reality is usually different, and it’s not because the founders are intentionally deceiving their early hires. The problem is that in-spite of them working 19 hour days everyday, there is just a ton of work you have to take on to keep the boat afloat. I cofounded a company like this. Despite our best efforts to keep sane working hours, we just weren’t successful at that. Luckily, we were acquired within a year of me adopting a 19hours/day everyday schedule.
- everyone 7y ago8 hours is a full days work. Most people only have a couple of hours to themselves after working 8 hours + commuting, buying/preparing/eating food, ablutions, taking care of various chores etc. Is 10 the norm where you are? That is very saddening. Where are you btw? During/after the industrial revolution many workers fought hard and died just to get the the working day down to 8 hours (and not 12 or more which is what the industrialists wanted)
- Swizec 7y ago
- blfr 7y agoYou, too, can strike up a conversation with a total stranger at a bus station and it doesn't have to feel weird. It is, however, likely to be short because people are so unused to it in the atomized west that, if you don't carry the whole conversation, they simply won't know what to say.
- beat 7y agoLast night, I said something to my spouse about a conversation I had with a "single serving friend", and she didn't know what I was talking about. I said it was a Fight Club reference, then went farther and explained that I had a five minute conversation with a complete stranger (just walking down the street together), and I had to explain this idea to her, because she's an introvert and would never, ever engage in a conversation with a stranger.
- aspenmayer 7y agoHow do you come to meet someone who seemingly doesn't have any way of meeting or interacting with others they aren't already acquainted with? How do you come to marry someone before you have this conversation to discover their lived experience of social interactions is so radically different to your own? No judgment, just a strange backstory that seems to raise more questions than it answers.
- beat 7y agoMy spouse meets people entirely through her existing social networks - me, her existing friends, her dance community, and work. She doesn't just strike up conversations with complete strangers, it makes her very uncomfortable. Whereas I'm an extrovert and happily start or engage in conversations with strangers all the time. She and I met back in the day through her boyfriend at the time (interestingly, we're still friends - he lives in town and we see him regularly). And she met him through her college roommate, freshman year.
- hi5eyes 7y agoits definitely fucking weird to randomly strike up a convo with a random at a bus station, fuck are you on?
- adamc 7y ago:'( The older I get, the more certain I am that people come first. No one sits around in old age wishing they had spent longer hours at the office.
- sdegutis 7y agoWe can have that here. We need to downsize our lives. Stop paying for things we don't need or really even want. Be okay with jobs that make less, even a lot less, as long as our basic needs are met. Leave our mobile phones on the desk and walk outside not knowing what you'll expect, and be open with meeting new people. If enough people do this, our towns and suburbs can be revitalized.
- s_k_ 7y ago>We have everything we ever wanted and absolutely no happiness. I guess this is the difference between generations and why they struggle most of the time understanding each other. What older generation dreamed about and worked hard to get the younger generation takes for granted, and that is not necessarily something bad. I would argue that it's mostly good, because that's why people have ambitions/goals/dreams about something which previously thought was impossible. Hence pioneering in different fields of science, entrepreneurship, social interaction, etc. This is basic evolution, yet we struggle to understand it. Old organisms in almost every aspect of life are hard to change. That's why the nature takes care of it time so naturally. Most parents don't realize that they don't have to love what their children do in order to simply love them and let them live their dream.
- Max_aaa 7y agoJust like with everything in this universe, "Wants" tend to swing from one side to the other just like a pendulum. The tricky part is trying to find the balance without overshooting, and restarting the cycle.
- rb808 7y ago> toil away working on my own projects and ideas Maybe you should give up that part and have fun instead.
- zhirafovod 7y agoJust move to you home country and enjoy all you like about it! It is that easy! You have to live there to compare, as grass is always greener on the other side, especially when you are on a vacation. You are the master of your life! Make a block party to make neighbor friends, go to a park on a weekend, take a bus (yes, you can't start a conversation at a bus station if you only drive), travel to different US cities.
- somuchlan 7y ago>especially when you are on a vacation. This. I used to live in Seattle after vacationing there a handful of times, but after living there I found it to be one of the most least welcoming, racist, Progressively Elitist™ places I've ever lived (and I've lived all over the US). It's easy to say "I will commit to making more meaningful connections with people/strangers today", but if this is not received or reciprocated; well...there's not really much you can outside of devoting more time in trying to breakthrough some sort of glass wall that some places have created an environment for. Which comes down to two choices in my book: 1. Fight through and prove yourself/others wrong 2. Go somewhere else that you feel will be more accepting
- terminalhealth 7y agoMakes you wonder what will be the next political activism replacing feminism and social justice activism? It seems there will always be opposing opinions, no matter where you go, so you are seemingly missing 3. avoid/ignore politics the best you can.
- widowlark 7y agoI have never known Seattle to be this way. I am sorry you had this experience, but I have found Seattle to be a supremely welcoming and friendly place.
- novok 7y agoI think it really depends what communit(ies) you land in there. Both of your stories I've heard several times about Seattle.
- winter_blue 7y ago> inviting each other for dinners and celebrations I've experienced more of this in the U.S., than in the Indian culture I grew up in. Hanging out with friends, having dinner together, inviting new people you don't know to dinner -- are all very much a part of American culture. People in the U.S. quite intentionally go out of their way to make new friends. It's one of things I love about the United States. In Indian culture, people often stick to just family, and a small circle of friends that rarely changes through life. Compared to that, American openness is wonderful. > You can strike up a conversation with a total stranger at a bus station and it doesn't feel weird and awkward. Ironically, the U.S. might be one of the only countries where this is common, and quite socially acceptable. Even in New York, I've broken norms, talked to strangers, and made new friends. In many countries, if you try to strike up a conversation with a stranger, you'll likely get a strange look, followed by silence or a curt unfriendly reply. I'm thankful that in general, people in the U.S. are so friendly, and happily willing to talk to and befriend total strangers.