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Before Firefox Multi-containers, Amazon decided my wife and I were pregnant. I've shared the story on Hacker News before, so I won't go into too much detail, bu

• bdcravens 8y ago
  Yeah for some reason I've started getting snail mail marketing for expecting parents. We are on an IVF journey, and in the unfortunate event we don't get the result we want, I'm not looking forward to a poorly timed mailing.
• amyjess 8y ago
  > As a couple with troubles conceiving... it was not welcomed. It was salt on a wound. As a trans woman who repeatedly gets ads for period stuff, I feel much the same way. At first, I thought it was cute. "Aww look, I even pass to the ad algorithm", and it eventually turned into "oh fuck, another reminder that my body is never going to work the way it was supposed to". And it got stronger and stronger as time went on. It started with the occasional ad for pads in Gmail's promotions tab... then I started seeing ads for period products on Facebook... and then I repeatedly got ads inviting me to take part in clinical studies for painful periods and ads for all different kind of menstrual products, to the point where just loading Facebook would set off my dysphoria.
  • pbhjpbhj 8y ago
    So, you don't want to be treated as if you were female? Would you say that was common amongst males who identify themselves as women?
    • teddyh 8y ago
      She wasn’t treated like she were female, she was treated like if she had periods. Which, obviously, not all women have. It’s trans-erasure to assume that they all do.
      • int_19h 8y ago
        Both you and OP are conflating "woman" and "female" (i.e. gender and biological sex).
        • dragonwriter 8y ago
          Not all people of female biological sex have periods, either. Not wanting to be treated as a person with a period isn't the same as not wanting to be treated as a woman or a female.
          • dllthomas 8y ago
            > Not all people of female biological sex have periods, either. Sometimes for emotionally charged reasons.
    • maldeh 8y ago
      "If you don't want period-related ads, then you must not want to be treated like a woman?" That feels like a bit of a leap.
      • pbhjpbhj 8y ago
        But the reason they were segmented for period related ads was because they were being treated without discrimination as if they were (to the advertiser) "just a woman". The parent appears to want to be recognised as "not a woman" (in this respect, at least), which goes against everything I've read from others before. So, I was curious and wanted to know if the commenter thought this was common, or if they recognised it as peculiar to themselves. Guess I'll never know because somehow probing peoples overt statements is unwanted here?
• neaden 8y ago
  I'm reminded of a blog post about Facebook's "X years ago today" feature that has shown people pictures of dead children or other relatives, burned out houses, car accidents, and other memories that the algorithm chipperly suggests they share to their timeline. A lack of consideration is definitely a thing.
  • gjs278 8y ago
    you can mark events or people to not show up
    • gnicholas 8y ago
      You can also turn it off completely now; I believe this wasn't always possible.
  • cableshaft 8y ago
    Yep. I got that on the one year anniversary of our dog (then a six month old puppy) running away, and my post letting everyone know and how to get in touch with me if they found him. Thankfully that had a happy ending and he's sleeping upstairs on the bed right now, but it wasn't something I really wanted to be reminded of. I can imagine how much worse I'd have felt if we weren't able to find him again, or found him dead on the side of the road or something.
  • epochwolf 8y ago
    My iPhone did this to me. I’m sure people get suggested to share memories of their abusive ex all the time. :(
    • golergka 8y ago
      When you change your marital status from married to divorce, Facebook offers to hide your former spouse from your feed, and won't show her (him) in memories either. So, while I like to bash on social networks as much as the next guy, they are trying to be helpful with things like these.
• hodgesrm 8y ago
  Nordstrom thinks I'm an about-20 woman and sent me relevant ads in email for some time. I quite like Nordstrom but had to cancel because there was no way to tell them they were very wrong.
  • Tade0 8y ago
    Youtube thinks I'm a conservative after I watched a few videos by Tim Pool. Just about any service thinks my SO is a man.
    • MrMember 8y ago
      Based on my Gmail ads Google thinks I want to meet up with single women in their 50s. I'm not sure if they think I am in my 50s or if I like older women.
    • loopdoend 8y ago
      It’s amazing how we have to cognizantly “open in private window” when we’re doing deep dives on things that we may disagree with. The algo seems to assume you agree with everything you watch, so you have to be mindful of not sending it mixed signals.
      • dorchadas 8y ago
        I've actually conditioned myself to do basically anything in a private window. With Brave mobile I can keep YouTube playing ad-free with the screen locked (or on other screens), so it doesn't affect much there. Plus, it means I don't see other stuff filtering in that I'm not in the mood for (except their promoted crap that quite often has literally no relation to what I'm doing). I'll often even do it on browser too, simply because ad-free without thr tracking and being associated with my Gmail (which I really need to convince myself to get rid of)
      • hodgesrm 8y ago
        I have to confess this never occurred to me but it's a great point. Does anyone know how much a private window really helps? It should cut out cookies but does not hide your IP address or clickstream patterns.
• josefresco 8y ago
  > and started sending weekly "you're pregnant, read our tips, buy things" emails to me Unsubscribe. It's Amazon not some shady co. Amazon doesn't email me, or my wife.
  • Liquix 8y ago
    That's like slapping a crown on a rotting tooth and calling it good - you prevent the problem from affecting your daily life, but nothing has been fixed and the clock is ticking...
    • jimmaswell 8y ago
      What's the problem at that point? That some algorithms on a faraway computer still think you might be pregnant? So?
      • Liquix 8y ago
        The problem is that confidential details of your personal life which you have never agreed to share are being collected and arguably weaponized for the sake of financial gain.
        • krageon 8y ago
          That's a US problem more or less endemic to how the industry works. You can complain about it, but the best recourse is never using those companies again. Eventually, we'll all hopefully come to this conclusion and every cesspool of dark patterns will die somewhere we don't have to see it.
          • Liquix 8y ago
            I'm very happy to hear it's less of a problem in other countries. I admire your optimism and hope for the same :)
  • crankylinuxuser 8y ago
• dharmab 8y ago
  I have a foreign name that is often incorrectly tagged as female because of a popular 90s TV show. I had many schoolteachers over the years make jokes about it which they thought were funny but I found hurtful. Getting a female-targeted mail ad is not very amusing after one or two times.
  • lgregg 8y ago
    Everyone (generally) who emails me for the first time uses a misspelling of my surname as my given name. I like to think First Last is an easy pattern but obviously not. That all said, I feel your pain.
• dqpb 8y ago
  This response will satisfy probably no one, but the recourse is to stop using their service.
  • deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
  • neogodless 8y ago
    I might surprise you! I really have greatly diminished my Amazon spending. No more Prime, Subscription groceries/household items; I'll get my electronics at NewEgg, B&H/BuyDig or even Best Buy. Going to buy things other places while they're still around.
• louthy 8y ago
  > As a couple with troubles conceiving... it was not welcome This reminds me that Skype insists on reminding me it’s Father’s Day. My father died when I was 11 and it’s still something that hurts even though I’m now in my 40s. I previously disliked Skype because it’s terrible software, but the lack of any consideration or even any opt out makes me actively despise Skype. If I didn’t have to use it for work I’d drop it in a second. I’m sure somebody, who’s had a perfect life, just didn’t think what effect a message like this might have. However, it does just seem like yet another example of how our industry can be so blinkered.
  • bigkm 8y ago
    As much as I hate targeted advertising, which leaves you in a silo, categorised, with no hope of ever seeing an ad for something you would buy but didn't know existed. But if drive past a billboard or there's a poster on the door you're going through, you'll still see this and it will probably bring up bad feelings. Is that correct? Or is it just that the targeted ones are trying to be more personal, whilst getting it so wrong?
    • louthy 8y ago
      No, it doesn't leave me with the same feeling, with Skype it feels really invasive and insensitive. It's also totally unnecessary. It's not a company trying to sell Father's Day cards, or a product of some sort, it's the messenger application I use for communicating with business colleagues. There is literally no need for it.
    • epc 8y ago
      A billboard is impersonal. Reminding me to buy something for Mother's Day is temporarily irksome but I drive by and forget about it. In contrast, the vendors sending personalized 2-3 week flood of "HEY EPC HAVE YOU REMEMBERED YOUR MOTHER AND BOUGHT A MOTHER'S DAY GIFT YET?" emails every April/May buy themselves a permanent place in my .killfile. No, I don't expect every company I do business with to know my parents are dead, but let me opt out of this flood of crap every year.