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Thank you HN

1370 points by throwAwayXYZ69 8y ago

About a couple of years ago, I submitted a thread here called "Ask HN: I'm depressed, what should I do?" [0]. I was in a very dark place personally and professionally. I had turned to my family and friends without success, and posted here looking for a moral boost. I would like to thank all the people that have responded with kindness. I just wanted to say that your words helped, that I think about this thread often, and that your effort did actually help someone from a tough spot. Update on my situation: By the time that I got an offer I could live with, I had sent over 250 applications and done around 20 interviews. I started with 33k€ a year (translates to a little less than 2000€ per month), now I'm at 38k€. I rented a place downtown, and started working out (lost 18kg and counting), I'm going to run a marathon in 3 months!!! Overall, I'm not exactly where I want to be, but -for once- I can see myself getting there. I'm hopeful for the future, and I would like to thank the many people that helped me to get here. Just to sum up, be kind when you can, it can change someone's life. [0]: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13134183 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13134183

lisper 8y ago
Congrats! Now pay it forward by finding someone feeling blue near you and helping them out.
- hussfelt 8y ago
  Best comment ever. <3 OP: Nice to hear you're doing better! Well done :-)
- hliyan 8y ago
  I feel like this is the most valuable comment on this thread. Imagine the impact if everyone on HN committed today to follow this principle...
- mgiannopoulos 8y ago
  Given the responses here I think he has accomplished this already. Plus, there is no need to put more pressure on him. :)
throwaway8879 8y ago
Glad to hear you're doing better, friend. Please keep it up. Taking care of the mind and the body is the right way to do it.
wellboy 8y ago
Is it really that competitive these days after uni when you have "no experience" and are a junior dev? I assume you have a top 10% GPA? I always hear in the bay area you get $150,000 straight out of uni, at least when you're from Stanford etc. Is this not the case anymore? Edit: Ok, I see you're in France. Then 33k€ is rather reasonable. There don't really exist exciting software companies in France or Germany, except maybe blockchain companies.
- Rjevski 8y ago
  In Europe not really. US is a different league I believe, one I can't comment on.
- codingdave 8y ago
  > I assume you have a top 10% GPA? Why would you assume something that is, by definition, not true for 90% of the population?
- ebbv 8y ago
  In the US a lot of companies just don’t have the bandwidth to hire someone straight out of university. A degree is great but 10 out of 10 times I would rather have someone with four years of experience doing the work we are doing than someone with a four year degree and no work experience. It’s sad but it’s the truth. We aren’t a big enough team to spare the time and effort it takes to teach a recent graduate everything they are gonna have to learn in their first couple years. A lot of which is just about what being a developer is day to day.
  - clanreborn 8y ago
    It depends on where you hire from. Guys from top universities usually have enough experience to get started instantly, straight out of university.
- throwAwayXYZ69 8y ago
  I was indeed in the top 10% of my school. Even a smaller percentile I guess since I was on the top 2 or 3 people in my class. But unless the job is in Paris (which is extremely expensive) I havent found anything starting close to 40k€
adventured 8y ago
Wonderful progress, congratulations. Good luck on the marathon.
- DmenshunlAnlsis 8y ago
  It’s also amazing progress as they’re able to recognize being partway along the journey as progress! Depressed people tend to think in absolutes (I’m not where I want to be, and never will be) and being able to see progress as valuable and sustainable, even when incomplete is a sign of real mental health. The combination of more activity, a better job, and the ability to imagine a brighter future bodes very well indeed.
toren 8y ago
Life can be tough as we all know.. Glad to hear that you're doing well, keep it up.
koolhead17 8y ago
Congrats.
durbatuluk 8y ago
Congrats, I'm your old one at the moment. I'm a bit more desperate because my wife is pregnant. Happy father's day to me I guess
- throwAwayXYZ69 8y ago
  Best of luck man! I'm in no position to be giving life advice, but for what it's worth: Hang in there, do what needs to be done and be pragmatic. One day you'll look back and it will all make sense.
- CodeWriter23 8y ago
  Showing up and being present is about 80% of the battle of being a great dad. You can hack the other 30%. At least that was my experience. Smell that baby’s hair when (s)he is new. The pheromones will bond you and engage you in being an awesome dad. You might also want to come up with a womb song and sing it regularly. I chose “You are my sunshine”. It still calms my DD at 9 years old.
  - xrd 8y ago
    It's worth listening to this advice. Having kids is really hard. And rewarding. And leads to hard changes in your life that you might not have taken on otherwise but in the end are often good changes. Forgive yourself and your fears as often as you can.
  - austinjp 8y ago
    110%? I hope so :)
    - salmo 8y ago
      If you wanna be a good dad you have to give 100%! Actually I think the 110% is apropos because, especially early on, you find out you can do so much more than you think is possible.
- hluska 8y ago
  When I found out my girlfriend was pregnant, I had just lost my shirt on a startup. I couldn't find a job and often had to resort to the absolute cesspool of the consulting world, just to keep a roof over my head. I likely understand exactly how you feel. If it's anything like how I felt, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I'm really sorry. Just putting myself in your shoes gave me a pit in my stomach - the same pit I walked around with for months. My email is in my profile. Feel free to reach out... I wish I had something amazing to say that would just turn things around. The best pragmatic advice I have is that newborns are really cheap, and you're pretty lucky to have the opportunity to be with your wife throughout the pregnancy. And finally, for the love of all that is holy, enjoy sleep while you can get it. Having a baby is kind of like being hungover for a whole year... Be safe, best of luck and seriously bud, Happy Father's Day!! If money is way too tight, reach out. I'd kiss you on the lips if you'd take all my baby stuff. :)
sleepychu 8y ago
> Just to sum up, be kind when you can, it can change someone's life. This is so great, thank you for the lovely sentiment.
humantiy 8y ago
Congrats and glad you were able to persevere. I've had my share of down times as well, but at those points I always told myself you don't know happiness if you've never been on the other side of it and that it will pass. It sucks when you are but when you make it through it is that much sweeter!
gfodor 8y ago
> Overall, I'm not exactly where I want to be, but -for once- I can see myself getting there. Belief in humanity's eternal capacity for self improvement, collectively, individually, and in ones own self lies at the heart of living a good, rewarding, and just life. It's becoming increasingly rare. Good luck to you!
CodeWriter23 8y ago
Thanks for sharing your story of strength and perseverance. I’m sure it will bring hope to others who may be in despair. I want to add to this conversation, I found my own personal experience with depression was intertwined with anger and rage. Once I started addressing the anger and rage, my depression was significantly reduced.
- throwaway874 8y ago
  I'm curious, how did you address the anger and rage?
  - naikrovek 8y ago
    You must reckon with it as it is: the result, often, of wrongs done to you as a youth. People have different ideas of what abuse is; the human mind does not. There are very clear boundaries, which, if crossed, are abuse, and do damage to the recipient that will last their entire life. Whether or not the very same recipient actually views these events as abuse is another matter entirely. Maybe you weren't abused, maybe you were -- I don't know. I do know that uncovering the why of one's anger gives them a firm, steadfast grip on the how of treating it.
  - CodeWriter23 8y ago
    Someone suggested to me that my anger was inwardly focused and that had a direct causative effect on my depression. That rang true for me. So my first work on that was to get my anger directed in an outward fashion. At first, that entailed literally breaking stuff, chopping wood, climbing steep hills on my bike until it hurt, just get that energy going in the right direction. Get it out in the moment instead of bottling it up, fermenting it, then serving an explosion of it to some undeserving person who happened to be in my proximity. Later some anger management came in. When I felt anger, I would pause, take a breath and assess why I felt wronged in a situation. If the reality check was the other person was crossing one of my boundaries, I would express that boundary and uphold it in as gentle a way as I was able. Which sometimes was pretty brutal, but my intent was always to de-escalate and ask for what I needed without expectation. If the reality check was I had expectations, particularly unreasonable ones, I would just own it, laugh at myself and move on. Maybe share it with some people in my support network. Later, as naikrovek alluded to in his reply, I started working through childhood trauma issues with a therapist. That's when I got the most relief, though I'm not sure I could have skipped straight to therapy without doing all that other stuff first. Discovering my primary trauma as feelings of being unseen and unheard put things into perspective that made it very manageable. I just make sure I'm being seen and heard, and those skills evolve over time. When I feel anger and it isn't about any of the above, I take it as a call to action to try to invoke some change. Mostly with myself, though at times I will put ideas out there for other people to contemplate. Acceptance is the key, however I should not accept the unacceptable. If it has to do with others, I invoke a cost benefit analysis to see if I want to fight, and if so, then I do. If I don't feel the fight is worth it, then I use what I call the short version of The Serenity Prayer, which is "Fuck it". I can't say I let it go, but I leave it alone. If it comes up in a recurring resentment kind of pattern, I just remind myself I'm leaving it alone. That gets a lot easier with time. Perhaps I'm oversharing for a forum such as this. I hope it is helpful in some way; we all have our own journeys. Maybe none of this applies to you. I feel the key things are, be honest with yourself about how well your choices and strategies are working for you, and make sure you have some support. Some real people who really care enough to listen to you and help you without judgment. And most importantly, people who will tell you the truth no matter how painful it may be to you.
sbmthakur 8y ago
Good to read this! If will be great if you could write a blog detailing your journey. I am especially interested in the improvement of your health. Depression has claimed many lives and I think your story could help some people.
Improvotter 8y ago
> I'm going to run a marathon in 3 months!!! Congratulations, I was gonna run one at the end of October. But because of exams I really cannot work out 3x a week so I cannot keep my pace up. I had also broken my toe so I was out for a long while. Can still do 10ks though. Good luck with the marathon!
fisherjeff 8y ago
I find it increasingly difficult to relate to the optimism and idealism of the early Web – the use of it to amplify some of humanity’s worst impulses can be devastating. Fortunately, stories like this one make it possible to catch a little glimmer of that magic and it’s... exhilarating. Congratulations, and I wish you all the best, and that you may serve as an inspiration to others.
ransom1538 8y ago
Get some (of life). No one escapes alive.
tehlike 8y ago
I am not sure if you'd consider a life change, but if you are interested in moving to US, please also try that. Pay is better here, and life is probably better too. Being among like-minded people would help you reach where you want to be.
- adwww 8y ago
  > life is probably better too What a fucked up assumption. Pay for skilled jobs is way higher in the US than almost anywhere else apart from maybe Switzerland or Norway, but quality of life is way more complicated than that. Not least because of the decent healthcare, paid time off, and social protections in France.
  - tehlike 8y ago
    Make little sacrifices today - with the additional money you save in us, you can invest in your retirement - buy plenty of places in france and live off of rent income. Having worked in the us for a bit over 6 years full time, I am ready to retire in my home country. I just don't want to, i will probably die in the states - that's where home is now. But that's not even what I mean. Life in United States is really good - especially if you are healthy. Plenty of outdoors activities. People love their outdoors - they invented even more exciting sports to take advantage of it. A really good food scene (due to its diverse culture - you can find great indian, chinese, japanese, italian etc food). As you said, healthcare and social net is lacking, but you make good money to make up for it.
binbag 8y ago
I wasn't contributing then, but it's still very nice to hear, so thanks for posting. Well done - keep going. And well done to those that gave their time to support someone.
movedx 8y ago
Great job! Keep going :)
austinjp 8y ago
Good work, you deserve every single bit of it. Keep going. You can do it.
kulu2002 8y ago
Congratulations! Happy to hear that your time has changed. May all your dreams come true.
luord 8y ago
That's awesome to read, and things will continue improving for you. :thumbsup:
c0mpute 8y ago
Greate going! Wish you all the virtual support I/we can.
swat535 8y ago
Congratulations on your success! I personally find the HN community both inspiring and incredibly generous at times. I am glad to consider myself an unimportant part of it.
jxub 8y ago
It's great to hear about your story! Cheers and good luck ;)
mratzloff 8y ago
Good to hear. Keep in mind, this part is true for literally everyone: > Overall, I'm not exactly where I want to be
- acjohnson55 8y ago
  Respectfully, I suggest avoiding saying this kind of thing to someone who may still be recovering from depression. There's a tendency to want to make what they are going through relatable, but that risks minimizing the severity of what they may be dealing with. Imagine having lost a family member and hearing from someone, "well, everyone loses things". There's orders of magnitude difference. I just know from experience that when I've been depressed, the level of futility I have felt about any dissatisfaction in my life was so much worse than when I've been mentally healthy. I'm really thankful for more than a decade free of that level depression. As an alternative, I suggest simply sticking to statements that are affirming of how they have described themselves feeling.
  - mratzloff 8y ago
    I understand. My point is that you never reach a perfect place because your goal line keeps shifting. It's easy to undercut your view of your own progress by noting you aren't where you want to be. There is only ever "in progress," and that's OK.
dgudkov 8y ago
>...and started working out I can't emphasize enough how much this helps. If anyone is suffering from depressions, anxiety and overthinking -- consider starting working out. It will make wonders to your mood. I'm not saying that it will fix your suffering entirely, because it typically requires a mental effort as well. But it will make your life noticeably more enjoyable.
- Escapado 8y ago
  Normally I only lurk here but I wanted to say that I support your claim. Been suffering from anxiety and later also depression for almost 5 years now. After 3 years I started jogging every other day. My good episodes last so much longer, bad ones are less severe, panic attacks have decreased from daily or weekly to every 3 - 6 months and are much shorter and better to handle and the general feeling of unease have also decreased. Also I did behavioural therapy from the start and never took medication. The therapy helped by giving me methods I could used when the panic kicked in or dark thoughts would begin clouding my mind. But sports helped me to feel good again for the first time in years. That was incredibly empowering. Even if it doesn't appear to help after the first exercise, give it a little time and watch the magic.
- poppypetalmask 8y ago
  I agree. Mild depression for most of my life and running has been the biggest help in regulating my mood. Not only that running makes me feel better but the fact that 'I' can make myself feel better by going for a run is meaningful to me.
- snarfy 8y ago
  Another benefit is personal improvement. We spend a good portion of our lives preparing for life. Once your career starts where do you improve from there? Exercise gives you something for personal improvement that is outside of your regular path. It gets you away from the computer.
- Stratoscope 8y ago
  And working out can take many forms. For me it often involves practicing harmonica. It's great aerobic exercise, and I'm learning how to get better at something I enjoy and hopefully other people may enjoy too. If I find some time in a day to practice, it changes my mood a lot!
52-6F-62 8y ago
That's great! Really great! It's always worth giving it another shot, no matter how hard it seems. I also want to back up the positive effect exercise has on mental health— it really can't be overstated. And to any others who feel the same way: get outside. It might change your life. And don't forget to maintain a sense of humour—it really helps with perspective.
deleted 8y ago
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mariopt 8y ago
> Overall, I'm not exactly where I want to be, but -for once- I can see myself getting there. Depression is the inability to construct a future. It is hard to reinvent yourself but worth it. The key is to find a daily routine that will get you, bit by bit, closer to your goals. Keep up the good work you've been doing.
anotherevan 8y ago
“When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.” — Abraham Joshua Heschel Words I am always reminded of whenever I try to be too clever on the internet. Glad you're doing better.
- tribesman 8y ago
  >“When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.” It's the function of their risk profile. Young want to maximize payoff which is possible through intelligence, old ones want to reduce their risk so are subject to soceity's kindness.
  - deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
  - qntty 8y ago
    You seem very intelligent
    - anotherevan 8y ago
      I was going to write something similar about him being young, but then decided I was being too clever on the internet.
  - ghostbrainalpha 8y ago
    I disagree I think it's a function of difficulty. When you are young and depend on others for basically everything it is easier to be kind, and more in your best interest. It's difficult to appear intelligent because you haven't had as much time to learn. When you are a wealthy older person, (not necessarily at the end of your life) but 40+, you basically don't need anyone to help you with anything. You can be as much of a jerk as you want. Those that choose to continue to fight hard to develop empathy really are going against the grain. Have you heard the expression if you aren't a liberal when you are young, then you have no heart? If you aren't a conservative when you are old, then you have no brain? It's a dumb saying, but it does seem to reflect a general pattern that most people follow.
irregular-john 8y ago
> I'm going to run a marathon in 3 months That's not really a time to brag about, my friend. Most people finish in about four hours.
- taneq 8y ago
  "I finished this Lego set in six months, which is really good because the box says 6 - 8 years."
- hacym 8y ago
  Is that the old Reddit switcharoo leaking into HN!? Haha
adityapurwa 8y ago
Congratulations OP, really happy for your improvements. I had my fair share of dark days, but whenever that happens, I believed that it happened to me because I am strong and I can handle that. I am sure whatever happens to you is a prove that you are stronger than you think you are. I used to live alone on a very low salary. When the money ran out, I started to drink tap water (which arent really drinkable on my region), and just eating cheap biscuits. It was only few days before my next month payroll, I was sad that it happened to me, I dont want to borrow money, and i felt so alone that time. I just prayed, and that night someone delivered a food to me as they were celebrating something. Tomorrow and after I also got food, enough until my payday. Staying positive is the only way for us to defeat depression. Happy days are like sunny days, it is easy to seek the sun. Our down times are dark night, we just need to seek a little harder to see the beauty of the stars. Hope OP and everyone else is always in good condition and happy.
braythwayt 8y ago
Speaking as someone who has lived through dark days myself... I want to point out that we know that exercise helps with moods. The data is there. That being said, mood disorders are like autoimmune diseases of the emotions. Feeling blue or anxious or clinically depressed makes it harder to work out. And if you don't, you can easily beat yourself up for not "fixing yourself." On the other side of the fence, lots of people self-report that exercise helped them. And it did. But what sometimes gets missed is that they were already starting to get better, and what motivated them to exercise was that they were already feeling better. So it's not as simple as "correlation does not equal causation," but there can be BOTH correlation and causation at work when you exercise and feel better. I say all this mainly because some folks have real trouble getting the motivation together to exercise when feeling down. Same with personal hygiene, appearance, eating well, and so forth. If anyone reading this knows intellectually that they ought to exercise, but just can't, please know that you are not unusual, this is what mood disorders do. But also know that there are many things that can help, so find the thing you can do—be it CBT, anti-depressants, whatever—and you will get yourself to a place where you are better able to do self-care like exercise. JM2C. My office walls are bereft of credentials in psychiatry.
- lloeki 8y ago
  > So it's not as simple as "correlation does not equal causation," but there can be BOTH correlation and causation at work when you exercise and feel better. Basically it's a feedback loop, one that you have to build up gradually. Got even a slight raise in mood and somehow feeling like you maybe could work out a little bit? Just do 2 push-ups, or 5 abs, or run 20 meters, or whatever! Congratulations, you worked out, so allow yourself to feel good about having done it (vs not doing it) instead of focusing on "this is ridiculous, I could/should have done more". Grow up from there, bit by bit. Building some form of regularity is more important than any form of intensity, because gradually this erodes the mental barrier between "I think about doing it" and "doing it". Don't even put up a schedule because that's already mental friction, just try to think of some moment that feels more appropriate, more natural, some kind of "trigger" that becomes a habit and makes you "flow into" working out (maybe coming home right after work? maybe first thing in the morning?). Don't bash yourself either if you skip sometimes, just keep up the pace on the long run. A useful trick is to pick activities and set things up so that there is basically zero friction between "I somehow feel like doing X" and actually doing it. You always have 15s to spare doing planks. You most probably have a sofa under which you can easily pop your feet for a couple abs. You don't even have to dress up for working out. I did that (zero-friction workout from home), and the next step was to go running because that meant I just had to pick shoes and a short and just go around the block (or merely to the next intersection and back) whenever I felt like it, because even the local gym is friction for the most ridiculous reasons (opening hours, cost, going there and then working out...) and your mind will use whatever excuse it can find to cop out on it. Here are some "zero-friction" beginner workouts[0][1][2][3], from which you can pick just one exercise (so that's 30/45s), or do one full round (5-10min), or, when the time comes, do multiple rounds of them. Don't fret at some exercises! e.g burpees may look intimidating: just try to do them, go super slowly if need be, maybe do just one or two at first, take your time, just don't stop. You'll get better with time. [0]: 5min cardio+abs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8SLO3JgUbQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8SLO3JgUbQ [1]: 10min HIIT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWOTOJZuxGE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWOTOJZuxGE [2]: 7min cardio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOQpD8aDJeI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOQpD8aDJeI [3]: 6min HIIT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqBAR0rfjiI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqBAR0rfjiI
pololee 8y ago
Thank you for sharing. It's such an inspiring story. Ellen said, "It's nice to be important, but it's also important to be nice".
neuro_imager 8y ago
Really pleased to hear you're doing well. As someone who has faced a similar situation in the past I can attest as to how hard it can be to pull yourself out of that downward spiral. I went through your previous thread and was really impressed by some of the advice/comments you were given. I was wondering if anyone with some time on their hands on here could possibly prepare a repository of all the good advice in this thread (and the OP's previous thread, and one's like it) as a resource for people who face similar circumstances. (I have no doubt there are a lot of us out there).
weishigoname 8y ago
I am glad it helps, everyone have tough period, some you can't just get out alone, glad you made it, and hope everyone in the same situation will do.
myf01d 8y ago
Great job, overcoming depression is much harder than what most normal people think
cdman 8y ago
Happy to hear that you're doing well and on your path. Just a quick suggestion: you could take a look at honeypot.io. They take care of pre-filtering both the companies and candidates, so using their "market place" is less stressful and less time-consuming than going directly to the companies / recruiters.
clanreborn 8y ago
Curing depression is wayyy easier then forcing yourself to workout. Take Withania somnifera with milk twice daily. That cured 30 of my friends who had severe depression.
- sleepychu 8y ago
  You are not a doctor.
  - tribesman 8y ago
    > You are not a doctor. It's part of a diet for people in tibetian plateau. Recommending someone a specific food doesn't require being a doctor. Please put these low effort comments off hackernews.
navs 8y ago
Well done. As someone that's been dealing with depression and trying to do many of the things you've been doing, this post is like a form of validation. Great job!
blacksoil 8y ago
I'm so happy to read this post. I also wanna testify on how amazing running is. For me personally, it changed my mood drastically. I was in the moment when things felt very gloomy and depressed: I didn't feel like doing anything, activities that were supposedly fun didn't seem like one, I didn't feel like going out to socialize, etc. Then I started running and it was amazing how it changed my life. After a run, I always felt very energetic and much happier. I liked it so much that initially I couldn't even do 3K without stopping, slowly and surely I kept practicing until I could do an 18K marathon. Perhaps this wasn't a huge accomplishment for many people, but considering how unfit and inconsistent of a person I had been, this was a feat for me. Not only the endorphin produced during a run helped out with moods and balancing out hormones in the body, it also taught me a very important lesson about consistency and how life in general is never about competing with anybody but ourselves. For those who are interested to start running, follow your own comfortable pace. Although it might seem very slow at first, don't push yourself too much cos if you do so, it wouldn't be enjoyable and you wouldn't feel like running again. Just keep doing it consistently it at the pace you're comfortable with. Before you realize it, you'll be much fitter than you started with :)
- frereubu 8y ago
  I'd like to reiterate the advice to go slowly at first, both from first- and second-hand experience. I know an ex-addict friend who was trying to improve his fitness after years of neglecting it and tried running. He always came back five / ten minutes later completely destroyed, feeling humiliated about his lack of ability. Took a while to figure out that he was trying to sprint for as long as he could as soon as he left the door, which of course meant that his body gave up almost immediately. I used the free NHS / BBC Couch To 5K app - https://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/couch-to-5k.aspx https://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/couch-to-5k.aspx - which gives you a good framework to pace yourself (you start with alternating periods of walking and running) and has voiceovers from Michael Johnson, as well as a few others. There are other C25K apps out there, but they tend to be paid - this one is simple and works well. It was amusing how motivating I found him saying "you're doing really well" despite knowing this was probably recorded a few years ago in breaks between Olympic commentary for the BBC.
gigatexal 8y ago
I’m so glad this turned out the way it did. Kudos to you for having the courage to turn to strangers. And kudos to the community for not having a 4Chan like response. Good luck to you!
idonotknowwhy 8y ago
I really hope n-gate.com goes easy on this one.
- aws_ls 8y ago
  Sometimes, I like to read the funny side of things. (Even though I many not agree with it.) Thanks for sharing. Hope it lives up.
  - idonotknowwhy 8y ago
    Yep, it was decent, and I got a shout-out.
    - sverige 8y ago
      If that's a shout-out, I feel really sad for you.
geff82 8y ago
Write mail to eriklistserve [at] gmail dot com and I might have a job paying 20k more a year.
ajaygeorge91 8y ago
If some one post a question like that today, I would reply with a Jordan Peterson video ;)
pknerd 8y ago
posts like these make HN a unique forum. Congrats! More power to you!
mikorym 8y ago
For everyone here on the running bandwagon, I would like to add my 2 cents. I generally do not encourage people to exercise, at least not like I once did. Exercise I think is one of those things where discussion never is anything like the real thing. This discourages a lot of people. I would generally recommend something like social soccer, since there is a more balanced support structure imho. I used to easily run a 20 km jog on a Saturday, but this serves no purpose to mention other than to seem competitive. For me, exercise is not an easy fix. It is one thing of many, which can greatly enrich one's life. Something like being into music can be on par with exercising, especially if one is unlikely to be able to exercise, whether because of mood or physical barriers. But having some sort of encouragement, whether exercise, music or intellectual or otherwise engaging pursuits is key to me to become a happier person. Dark days in and of themselves are not necessarily a burden. In some way I would paraphrase this: "more life, not more effort". Being more relaxed towards life has been a strong motivator for me.
- another-cuppa 8y ago
  I see what you mean. You can't just tell people to exercise. There needs to be a structure and purpose behind it. What worked for me is building strength using bodyweight resistance training at home. I followed a program and I had goals. But I think you're wrong that music and other intellectual activities do the same thing as exercising. You can't fix the brain by thinking about it. It needs the right external inputs.
  - DanBC 8y ago
    > You can't fix the brain by thinking about it. So far we know that CBT will work for about 50% - 60% of the people who try it. We know that as a treatment for depression it's hard to tell the difference between doing exercise or doing nothing. So, yes, if you think about it in the correct evidence based way you're more likely to treat depression than if you exercise.
- joekrill 8y ago
  I know you mean well, but this is not good advice. The benefits of exercise are so vast and varied, and study after study has confirmed not only the physical benefits, but the mental benefits as well. To compare it to listening to music or some other "engaging pursuits" is just completely wrong. Is it hard to start exercising? Sure. I imagine it's hard to do a lot of things initially, especially when someone is depressed. To steer folks away from doing something that could really help in a very significant way is a huge disservice.
far_far_away 8y ago
Just want thank HN as well... my previous submissions: "I am depressed and I need someone to talk to" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4928031 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4928031 and "Thank you HN, sorry HN" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5348589 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5348589 Thanks again. I am fine now.
budadre75 8y ago
What exercises do you do in gym, and how do you keep at it? It's hard to hit the gym after work because of exhaustion, or early morning before work because I need my sleep.
RGamma 8y ago
Thank you for reporting back!

Thank you HN

1370 points by throwAwayXYZ69 8y ago

lisper 8y ago

Congrats! Now pay it forward by finding someone feeling blue near you and helping them out.

hussfelt 8y ago
Best comment ever. <3 OP: Nice to hear you're doing better! Well done :-)
hliyan 8y ago
I feel like this is the most valuable comment on this thread. Imagine the impact if everyone on HN committed today to follow this principle...
mgiannopoulos 8y ago
Given the responses here I think he has accomplished this already. Plus, there is no need to put more pressure on him. :)

throwaway8879 8y ago

Glad to hear you're doing better, friend. Please keep it up. Taking care of the mind and the body is the right way to do it.

wellboy 8y ago

Is it really that competitive these days after uni when you have "no experience" and are a junior dev? I assume you have a top 10% GPA? I always hear in the bay area you get $150,000 straight out of uni, at least when you're from Stanford etc. Is this not the case anymore? Edit: Ok, I see you're in France. Then 33k€ is rather reasonable. There don't really exist exciting software companies in France or Germany, except maybe blockchain companies.

Rjevski 8y ago
In Europe not really. US is a different league I believe, one I can't comment on.
codingdave 8y ago
> I assume you have a top 10% GPA? Why would you assume something that is, by definition, not true for 90% of the population?
ebbv 8y ago
In the US a lot of companies just don’t have the bandwidth to hire someone straight out of university. A degree is great but 10 out of 10 times I would rather have someone with four years of experience doing the work we are doing than someone with a four year degree and no work experience. It’s sad but it’s the truth. We aren’t a big enough team to spare the time and effort it takes to teach a recent graduate everything they are gonna have to learn in their first couple years. A lot of which is just about what being a developer is day to day.
- clanreborn 8y ago
  It depends on where you hire from. Guys from top universities usually have enough experience to get started instantly, straight out of university.
throwAwayXYZ69 8y ago
I was indeed in the top 10% of my school. Even a smaller percentile I guess since I was on the top 2 or 3 people in my class. But unless the job is in Paris (which is extremely expensive) I havent found anything starting close to 40k€

adventured 8y ago

Wonderful progress, congratulations. Good luck on the marathon.

DmenshunlAnlsis 8y ago
It’s also amazing progress as they’re able to recognize being partway along the journey as progress! Depressed people tend to think in absolutes (I’m not where I want to be, and never will be) and being able to see progress as valuable and sustainable, even when incomplete is a sign of real mental health. The combination of more activity, a better job, and the ability to imagine a brighter future bodes very well indeed.

toren 8y ago

Life can be tough as we all know.. Glad to hear that you're doing well, keep it up.

koolhead17 8y ago

Congrats.

durbatuluk 8y ago

Congrats, I'm your old one at the moment. I'm a bit more desperate because my wife is pregnant. Happy father's day to me I guess

throwAwayXYZ69 8y ago
Best of luck man! I'm in no position to be giving life advice, but for what it's worth: Hang in there, do what needs to be done and be pragmatic. One day you'll look back and it will all make sense.
CodeWriter23 8y ago
Showing up and being present is about 80% of the battle of being a great dad. You can hack the other 30%. At least that was my experience. Smell that baby’s hair when (s)he is new. The pheromones will bond you and engage you in being an awesome dad. You might also want to come up with a womb song and sing it regularly. I chose “You are my sunshine”. It still calms my DD at 9 years old.
- xrd 8y ago
  It's worth listening to this advice. Having kids is really hard. And rewarding. And leads to hard changes in your life that you might not have taken on otherwise but in the end are often good changes. Forgive yourself and your fears as often as you can.
- austinjp 8y ago
  110%? I hope so :)
  - salmo 8y ago
    If you wanna be a good dad you have to give 100%! Actually I think the 110% is apropos because, especially early on, you find out you can do so much more than you think is possible.
hluska 8y ago
When I found out my girlfriend was pregnant, I had just lost my shirt on a startup. I couldn't find a job and often had to resort to the absolute cesspool of the consulting world, just to keep a roof over my head. I likely understand exactly how you feel. If it's anything like how I felt, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I'm really sorry. Just putting myself in your shoes gave me a pit in my stomach - the same pit I walked around with for months. My email is in my profile. Feel free to reach out... I wish I had something amazing to say that would just turn things around. The best pragmatic advice I have is that newborns are really cheap, and you're pretty lucky to have the opportunity to be with your wife throughout the pregnancy. And finally, for the love of all that is holy, enjoy sleep while you can get it. Having a baby is kind of like being hungover for a whole year... Be safe, best of luck and seriously bud, Happy Father's Day!! If money is way too tight, reach out. I'd kiss you on the lips if you'd take all my baby stuff. :)

sleepychu 8y ago

> Just to sum up, be kind when you can, it can change someone's life. This is so great, thank you for the lovely sentiment.

humantiy 8y ago

Congrats and glad you were able to persevere. I've had my share of down times as well, but at those points I always told myself you don't know happiness if you've never been on the other side of it and that it will pass. It sucks when you are but when you make it through it is that much sweeter!

gfodor 8y ago

> Overall, I'm not exactly where I want to be, but -for once- I can see myself getting there. Belief in humanity's eternal capacity for self improvement, collectively, individually, and in ones own self lies at the heart of living a good, rewarding, and just life. It's becoming increasingly rare. Good luck to you!

CodeWriter23 8y ago

Thanks for sharing your story of strength and perseverance. I’m sure it will bring hope to others who may be in despair. I want to add to this conversation, I found my own personal experience with depression was intertwined with anger and rage. Once I started addressing the anger and rage, my depression was significantly reduced.

throwaway874 8y ago
I'm curious, how did you address the anger and rage?
- naikrovek 8y ago
  You must reckon with it as it is: the result, often, of wrongs done to you as a youth. People have different ideas of what abuse is; the human mind does not. There are very clear boundaries, which, if crossed, are abuse, and do damage to the recipient that will last their entire life. Whether or not the very same recipient actually views these events as abuse is another matter entirely. Maybe you weren't abused, maybe you were -- I don't know. I do know that uncovering the why of one's anger gives them a firm, steadfast grip on the how of treating it.
- CodeWriter23 8y ago
  Someone suggested to me that my anger was inwardly focused and that had a direct causative effect on my depression. That rang true for me. So my first work on that was to get my anger directed in an outward fashion. At first, that entailed literally breaking stuff, chopping wood, climbing steep hills on my bike until it hurt, just get that energy going in the right direction. Get it out in the moment instead of bottling it up, fermenting it, then serving an explosion of it to some undeserving person who happened to be in my proximity. Later some anger management came in. When I felt anger, I would pause, take a breath and assess why I felt wronged in a situation. If the reality check was the other person was crossing one of my boundaries, I would express that boundary and uphold it in as gentle a way as I was able. Which sometimes was pretty brutal, but my intent was always to de-escalate and ask for what I needed without expectation. If the reality check was I had expectations, particularly unreasonable ones, I would just own it, laugh at myself and move on. Maybe share it with some people in my support network. Later, as naikrovek alluded to in his reply, I started working through childhood trauma issues with a therapist. That's when I got the most relief, though I'm not sure I could have skipped straight to therapy without doing all that other stuff first. Discovering my primary trauma as feelings of being unseen and unheard put things into perspective that made it very manageable. I just make sure I'm being seen and heard, and those skills evolve over time. When I feel anger and it isn't about any of the above, I take it as a call to action to try to invoke some change. Mostly with myself, though at times I will put ideas out there for other people to contemplate. Acceptance is the key, however I should not accept the unacceptable. If it has to do with others, I invoke a cost benefit analysis to see if I want to fight, and if so, then I do. If I don't feel the fight is worth it, then I use what I call the short version of The Serenity Prayer, which is "Fuck it". I can't say I let it go, but I leave it alone. If it comes up in a recurring resentment kind of pattern, I just remind myself I'm leaving it alone. That gets a lot easier with time. Perhaps I'm oversharing for a forum such as this. I hope it is helpful in some way; we all have our own journeys. Maybe none of this applies to you. I feel the key things are, be honest with yourself about how well your choices and strategies are working for you, and make sure you have some support. Some real people who really care enough to listen to you and help you without judgment. And most importantly, people who will tell you the truth no matter how painful it may be to you.

sbmthakur 8y ago

Good to read this! If will be great if you could write a blog detailing your journey. I am especially interested in the improvement of your health. Depression has claimed many lives and I think your story could help some people.

Improvotter 8y ago

> I'm going to run a marathon in 3 months!!! Congratulations, I was gonna run one at the end of October. But because of exams I really cannot work out 3x a week so I cannot keep my pace up. I had also broken my toe so I was out for a long while. Can still do 10ks though. Good luck with the marathon!

fisherjeff 8y ago

I find it increasingly difficult to relate to the optimism and idealism of the early Web – the use of it to amplify some of humanity’s worst impulses can be devastating. Fortunately, stories like this one make it possible to catch a little glimmer of that magic and it’s... exhilarating. Congratulations, and I wish you all the best, and that you may serve as an inspiration to others.

ransom1538 8y ago

Get some (of life). No one escapes alive.

tehlike 8y ago

I am not sure if you'd consider a life change, but if you are interested in moving to US, please also try that. Pay is better here, and life is probably better too. Being among like-minded people would help you reach where you want to be.

adwww 8y ago
> life is probably better too What a fucked up assumption. Pay for skilled jobs is way higher in the US than almost anywhere else apart from maybe Switzerland or Norway, but quality of life is way more complicated than that. Not least because of the decent healthcare, paid time off, and social protections in France.
- tehlike 8y ago
  Make little sacrifices today - with the additional money you save in us, you can invest in your retirement - buy plenty of places in france and live off of rent income. Having worked in the us for a bit over 6 years full time, I am ready to retire in my home country. I just don't want to, i will probably die in the states - that's where home is now. But that's not even what I mean. Life in United States is really good - especially if you are healthy. Plenty of outdoors activities. People love their outdoors - they invented even more exciting sports to take advantage of it. A really good food scene (due to its diverse culture - you can find great indian, chinese, japanese, italian etc food). As you said, healthcare and social net is lacking, but you make good money to make up for it.

binbag 8y ago

I wasn't contributing then, but it's still very nice to hear, so thanks for posting. Well done - keep going. And well done to those that gave their time to support someone.

movedx 8y ago

Great job! Keep going :)

austinjp 8y ago

Good work, you deserve every single bit of it. Keep going. You can do it.

kulu2002 8y ago

Congratulations! Happy to hear that your time has changed. May all your dreams come true.

luord 8y ago

That's awesome to read, and things will continue improving for you. :thumbsup:

c0mpute 8y ago

Greate going! Wish you all the virtual support I/we can.

swat535 8y ago

Congratulations on your success! I personally find the HN community both inspiring and incredibly generous at times. I am glad to consider myself an unimportant part of it.

jxub 8y ago

It's great to hear about your story! Cheers and good luck ;)

mratzloff 8y ago

Good to hear. Keep in mind, this part is true for literally everyone: > Overall, I'm not exactly where I want to be

acjohnson55 8y ago
Respectfully, I suggest avoiding saying this kind of thing to someone who may still be recovering from depression. There's a tendency to want to make what they are going through relatable, but that risks minimizing the severity of what they may be dealing with. Imagine having lost a family member and hearing from someone, "well, everyone loses things". There's orders of magnitude difference. I just know from experience that when I've been depressed, the level of futility I have felt about any dissatisfaction in my life was so much worse than when I've been mentally healthy. I'm really thankful for more than a decade free of that level depression. As an alternative, I suggest simply sticking to statements that are affirming of how they have described themselves feeling.
- mratzloff 8y ago
  I understand. My point is that you never reach a perfect place because your goal line keeps shifting. It's easy to undercut your view of your own progress by noting you aren't where you want to be. There is only ever "in progress," and that's OK.

dgudkov 8y ago

>...and started working out I can't emphasize enough how much this helps. If anyone is suffering from depressions, anxiety and overthinking -- consider starting working out. It will make wonders to your mood. I'm not saying that it will fix your suffering entirely, because it typically requires a mental effort as well. But it will make your life noticeably more enjoyable.

Escapado 8y ago
Normally I only lurk here but I wanted to say that I support your claim. Been suffering from anxiety and later also depression for almost 5 years now. After 3 years I started jogging every other day. My good episodes last so much longer, bad ones are less severe, panic attacks have decreased from daily or weekly to every 3 - 6 months and are much shorter and better to handle and the general feeling of unease have also decreased. Also I did behavioural therapy from the start and never took medication. The therapy helped by giving me methods I could used when the panic kicked in or dark thoughts would begin clouding my mind. But sports helped me to feel good again for the first time in years. That was incredibly empowering. Even if it doesn't appear to help after the first exercise, give it a little time and watch the magic.
poppypetalmask 8y ago
I agree. Mild depression for most of my life and running has been the biggest help in regulating my mood. Not only that running makes me feel better but the fact that 'I' can make myself feel better by going for a run is meaningful to me.
snarfy 8y ago
Another benefit is personal improvement. We spend a good portion of our lives preparing for life. Once your career starts where do you improve from there? Exercise gives you something for personal improvement that is outside of your regular path. It gets you away from the computer.
Stratoscope 8y ago
And working out can take many forms. For me it often involves practicing harmonica. It's great aerobic exercise, and I'm learning how to get better at something I enjoy and hopefully other people may enjoy too. If I find some time in a day to practice, it changes my mood a lot!

52-6F-62 8y ago

That's great! Really great! It's always worth giving it another shot, no matter how hard it seems. I also want to back up the positive effect exercise has on mental health— it really can't be overstated. And to any others who feel the same way: get outside. It might change your life. And don't forget to maintain a sense of humour—it really helps with perspective.

deleted 8y ago

[deleted]

mariopt 8y ago

> Overall, I'm not exactly where I want to be, but -for once- I can see myself getting there. Depression is the inability to construct a future. It is hard to reinvent yourself but worth it. The key is to find a daily routine that will get you, bit by bit, closer to your goals. Keep up the good work you've been doing.

anotherevan 8y ago

“When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.” — Abraham Joshua Heschel Words I am always reminded of whenever I try to be too clever on the internet. Glad you're doing better.

tribesman 8y ago
>“When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.” It's the function of their risk profile. Young want to maximize payoff which is possible through intelligence, old ones want to reduce their risk so are subject to soceity's kindness.
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]
- qntty 8y ago
  You seem very intelligent
  - anotherevan 8y ago
    I was going to write something similar about him being young, but then decided I was being too clever on the internet.
- ghostbrainalpha 8y ago
  I disagree I think it's a function of difficulty. When you are young and depend on others for basically everything it is easier to be kind, and more in your best interest. It's difficult to appear intelligent because you haven't had as much time to learn. When you are a wealthy older person, (not necessarily at the end of your life) but 40+, you basically don't need anyone to help you with anything. You can be as much of a jerk as you want. Those that choose to continue to fight hard to develop empathy really are going against the grain. Have you heard the expression if you aren't a liberal when you are young, then you have no heart? If you aren't a conservative when you are old, then you have no brain? It's a dumb saying, but it does seem to reflect a general pattern that most people follow.

irregular-john 8y ago

> I'm going to run a marathon in 3 months That's not really a time to brag about, my friend. Most people finish in about four hours.

taneq 8y ago
"I finished this Lego set in six months, which is really good because the box says 6 - 8 years."
hacym 8y ago
Is that the old Reddit switcharoo leaking into HN!? Haha

adityapurwa 8y ago

Congratulations OP, really happy for your improvements. I had my fair share of dark days, but whenever that happens, I believed that it happened to me because I am strong and I can handle that. I am sure whatever happens to you is a prove that you are stronger than you think you are. I used to live alone on a very low salary. When the money ran out, I started to drink tap water (which arent really drinkable on my region), and just eating cheap biscuits. It was only few days before my next month payroll, I was sad that it happened to me, I dont want to borrow money, and i felt so alone that time. I just prayed, and that night someone delivered a food to me as they were celebrating something. Tomorrow and after I also got food, enough until my payday. Staying positive is the only way for us to defeat depression. Happy days are like sunny days, it is easy to seek the sun. Our down times are dark night, we just need to seek a little harder to see the beauty of the stars. Hope OP and everyone else is always in good condition and happy.

braythwayt 8y ago

Speaking as someone who has lived through dark days myself... I want to point out that we know that exercise helps with moods. The data is there. That being said, mood disorders are like autoimmune diseases of the emotions. Feeling blue or anxious or clinically depressed makes it harder to work out. And if you don't, you can easily beat yourself up for not "fixing yourself." On the other side of the fence, lots of people self-report that exercise helped them. And it did. But what sometimes gets missed is that they were already starting to get better, and what motivated them to exercise was that they were already feeling better. So it's not as simple as "correlation does not equal causation," but there can be BOTH correlation and causation at work when you exercise and feel better. I say all this mainly because some folks have real trouble getting the motivation together to exercise when feeling down. Same with personal hygiene, appearance, eating well, and so forth. If anyone reading this knows intellectually that they ought to exercise, but just can't, please know that you are not unusual, this is what mood disorders do. But also know that there are many things that can help, so find the thing you can do—be it CBT, anti-depressants, whatever—and you will get yourself to a place where you are better able to do self-care like exercise. JM2C. My office walls are bereft of credentials in psychiatry.

lloeki 8y ago
> So it's not as simple as "correlation does not equal causation," but there can be BOTH correlation and causation at work when you exercise and feel better. Basically it's a feedback loop, one that you have to build up gradually. Got even a slight raise in mood and somehow feeling like you maybe could work out a little bit? Just do 2 push-ups, or 5 abs, or run 20 meters, or whatever! Congratulations, you worked out, so allow yourself to feel good about having done it (vs not doing it) instead of focusing on "this is ridiculous, I could/should have done more". Grow up from there, bit by bit. Building some form of regularity is more important than any form of intensity, because gradually this erodes the mental barrier between "I think about doing it" and "doing it". Don't even put up a schedule because that's already mental friction, just try to think of some moment that feels more appropriate, more natural, some kind of "trigger" that becomes a habit and makes you "flow into" working out (maybe coming home right after work? maybe first thing in the morning?). Don't bash yourself either if you skip sometimes, just keep up the pace on the long run. A useful trick is to pick activities and set things up so that there is basically zero friction between "I somehow feel like doing X" and actually doing it. You always have 15s to spare doing planks. You most probably have a sofa under which you can easily pop your feet for a couple abs. You don't even have to dress up for working out. I did that (zero-friction workout from home), and the next step was to go running because that meant I just had to pick shoes and a short and just go around the block (or merely to the next intersection and back) whenever I felt like it, because even the local gym is friction for the most ridiculous reasons (opening hours, cost, going there and then working out...) and your mind will use whatever excuse it can find to cop out on it. Here are some "zero-friction" beginner workouts[0][1][2][3], from which you can pick just one exercise (so that's 30/45s), or do one full round (5-10min), or, when the time comes, do multiple rounds of them. Don't fret at some exercises! e.g burpees may look intimidating: just try to do them, go super slowly if need be, maybe do just one or two at first, take your time, just don't stop. You'll get better with time. [0]: 5min cardio+abs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8SLO3JgUbQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8SLO3JgUbQ [1]: 10min HIIT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWOTOJZuxGE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWOTOJZuxGE [2]: 7min cardio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOQpD8aDJeI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOQpD8aDJeI [3]: 6min HIIT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqBAR0rfjiI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqBAR0rfjiI

pololee 8y ago

Thank you for sharing. It's such an inspiring story. Ellen said, "It's nice to be important, but it's also important to be nice".

neuro_imager 8y ago

Really pleased to hear you're doing well. As someone who has faced a similar situation in the past I can attest as to how hard it can be to pull yourself out of that downward spiral. I went through your previous thread and was really impressed by some of the advice/comments you were given. I was wondering if anyone with some time on their hands on here could possibly prepare a repository of all the good advice in this thread (and the OP's previous thread, and one's like it) as a resource for people who face similar circumstances. (I have no doubt there are a lot of us out there).

weishigoname 8y ago

I am glad it helps, everyone have tough period, some you can't just get out alone, glad you made it, and hope everyone in the same situation will do.

myf01d 8y ago

Great job, overcoming depression is much harder than what most normal people think

cdman 8y ago

Happy to hear that you're doing well and on your path. Just a quick suggestion: you could take a look at honeypot.io. They take care of pre-filtering both the companies and candidates, so using their "market place" is less stressful and less time-consuming than going directly to the companies / recruiters.

clanreborn 8y ago

Curing depression is wayyy easier then forcing yourself to workout. Take Withania somnifera with milk twice daily. That cured 30 of my friends who had severe depression.

sleepychu 8y ago
You are not a doctor.
- tribesman 8y ago
  > You are not a doctor. It's part of a diet for people in tibetian plateau. Recommending someone a specific food doesn't require being a doctor. Please put these low effort comments off hackernews.

navs 8y ago

Well done. As someone that's been dealing with depression and trying to do many of the things you've been doing, this post is like a form of validation. Great job!

blacksoil 8y ago

I'm so happy to read this post. I also wanna testify on how amazing running is. For me personally, it changed my mood drastically. I was in the moment when things felt very gloomy and depressed: I didn't feel like doing anything, activities that were supposedly fun didn't seem like one, I didn't feel like going out to socialize, etc. Then I started running and it was amazing how it changed my life. After a run, I always felt very energetic and much happier. I liked it so much that initially I couldn't even do 3K without stopping, slowly and surely I kept practicing until I could do an 18K marathon. Perhaps this wasn't a huge accomplishment for many people, but considering how unfit and inconsistent of a person I had been, this was a feat for me. Not only the endorphin produced during a run helped out with moods and balancing out hormones in the body, it also taught me a very important lesson about consistency and how life in general is never about competing with anybody but ourselves. For those who are interested to start running, follow your own comfortable pace. Although it might seem very slow at first, don't push yourself too much cos if you do so, it wouldn't be enjoyable and you wouldn't feel like running again. Just keep doing it consistently it at the pace you're comfortable with. Before you realize it, you'll be much fitter than you started with :)

frereubu 8y ago
I'd like to reiterate the advice to go slowly at first, both from first- and second-hand experience. I know an ex-addict friend who was trying to improve his fitness after years of neglecting it and tried running. He always came back five / ten minutes later completely destroyed, feeling humiliated about his lack of ability. Took a while to figure out that he was trying to sprint for as long as he could as soon as he left the door, which of course meant that his body gave up almost immediately. I used the free NHS / BBC Couch To 5K app - https://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/couch-to-5k.aspx https://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/couch-to-5k.aspx - which gives you a good framework to pace yourself (you start with alternating periods of walking and running) and has voiceovers from Michael Johnson, as well as a few others. There are other C25K apps out there, but they tend to be paid - this one is simple and works well. It was amusing how motivating I found him saying "you're doing really well" despite knowing this was probably recorded a few years ago in breaks between Olympic commentary for the BBC.

gigatexal 8y ago

I’m so glad this turned out the way it did. Kudos to you for having the courage to turn to strangers. And kudos to the community for not having a 4Chan like response. Good luck to you!

idonotknowwhy 8y ago

I really hope n-gate.com goes easy on this one.

aws_ls 8y ago
Sometimes, I like to read the funny side of things. (Even though I many not agree with it.) Thanks for sharing. Hope it lives up.
- idonotknowwhy 8y ago
  Yep, it was decent, and I got a shout-out.
  - sverige 8y ago
    If that's a shout-out, I feel really sad for you.

geff82 8y ago

Write mail to eriklistserve [at] gmail dot com and I might have a job paying 20k more a year.

ajaygeorge91 8y ago

If some one post a question like that today, I would reply with a Jordan Peterson video ;)

pknerd 8y ago

posts like these make HN a unique forum. Congrats! More power to you!

mikorym 8y ago

For everyone here on the running bandwagon, I would like to add my 2 cents. I generally do not encourage people to exercise, at least not like I once did. Exercise I think is one of those things where discussion never is anything like the real thing. This discourages a lot of people. I would generally recommend something like social soccer, since there is a more balanced support structure imho. I used to easily run a 20 km jog on a Saturday, but this serves no purpose to mention other than to seem competitive. For me, exercise is not an easy fix. It is one thing of many, which can greatly enrich one's life. Something like being into music can be on par with exercising, especially if one is unlikely to be able to exercise, whether because of mood or physical barriers. But having some sort of encouragement, whether exercise, music or intellectual or otherwise engaging pursuits is key to me to become a happier person. Dark days in and of themselves are not necessarily a burden. In some way I would paraphrase this: "more life, not more effort". Being more relaxed towards life has been a strong motivator for me.

another-cuppa 8y ago
I see what you mean. You can't just tell people to exercise. There needs to be a structure and purpose behind it. What worked for me is building strength using bodyweight resistance training at home. I followed a program and I had goals. But I think you're wrong that music and other intellectual activities do the same thing as exercising. You can't fix the brain by thinking about it. It needs the right external inputs.
- DanBC 8y ago
  > You can't fix the brain by thinking about it. So far we know that CBT will work for about 50% - 60% of the people who try it. We know that as a treatment for depression it's hard to tell the difference between doing exercise or doing nothing. So, yes, if you think about it in the correct evidence based way you're more likely to treat depression than if you exercise.
joekrill 8y ago
I know you mean well, but this is not good advice. The benefits of exercise are so vast and varied, and study after study has confirmed not only the physical benefits, but the mental benefits as well. To compare it to listening to music or some other "engaging pursuits" is just completely wrong. Is it hard to start exercising? Sure. I imagine it's hard to do a lot of things initially, especially when someone is depressed. To steer folks away from doing something that could really help in a very significant way is a huge disservice.

far_far_away 8y ago

Just want thank HN as well... my previous submissions: "I am depressed and I need someone to talk to" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4928031 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4928031 and "Thank you HN, sorry HN" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5348589 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5348589 Thanks again. I am fine now.

budadre75 8y ago

What exercises do you do in gym, and how do you keep at it? It's hard to hit the gym after work because of exhaustion, or early morning before work because I need my sleep.

RGamma 8y ago

Thank you for reporting back!