8 ms·

Probably because helicopter parenting is in vogue (at least in the US). It is seriously messed up that you can have CPS called on you for letting your kid wande

by tomc1985 9y ago

Probably because helicopter parenting is in vogue (at least in the US). It is seriously messed up that you can have CPS called on you for letting your kid wander freely in the neighborhood

fleitz 9y ago
And yet people wonder why children grow up to be completely unprepared for the world...
jdhawk 9y ago
“we’ve morphed from being a village that helps raise children to a parenting police state,” -Petula Dvorak https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/free-range-kids-and-our-parenting-police-state/2015/04/13/42c30336-e1df-11e4-905f-cc896d379a32_story.html https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/free-range-kids-and-our...
thriftwy 9y ago
I've read in some paper about Ice Cream Test: Whether your 7 years old can get to the corner store and back after buying an ice cream there without encountering any dangers such as traffic. Immediately thought that you could be jailed for that in some jurisdictions. Having said that, I think the number of people who let their kids free-range is decreasing everywhere unfortunately.
- seanmcdirmid 9y ago
  In Japan, there is a tv show that secretly follows 4 or 5 year old kids on their first trip to the store alone. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9eMZp8KsZ5k https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9eMZp8KsZ5k So free ranging is not decreasing in all countries, just a few.
- ovulator 9y ago
  Corner store? You mean the Mega-lo-mart only accessibly after hopping on the free way?
  - btilly 9y ago
    Where I live my kids can go on a 5 minute walk through a quiet neighborhood then cross one street to get to McDonalds. If they go a different direction they wind up at Subway. In 10 minutes they can go to a wide variety of places, everything from IHOP to a dollar store. Albertsons is an 11 minute walk. Less if they run. More if they stop and play at the park on the way. Not all of suburbia is big box malls off of freeways. There are a lot of little strip malls around as well. And you can choose a place for how walkable it is.
    - logfromblammo 9y ago
      That's anecdotal. 10 minutes of walking won't even get you out of my subdivision. Plop down a 15-minute radius on my map and there are literally zero places of business anywhere in it. This is largely due to zoning. There is a strip of land zoned for local businesses a mere 10 minutes away, but unsurprisingly, no one has chosen to build anything on it. You can't always prioritize walkability if you have a limit on your housing budget. My current place costs $11k/year, and the commuting to work by car isn't entirely horrible. But walking anywhere is really out of the question.
  - khedoros1 9y ago
    I live in a suburban neighborhood. We're near a number of stores and restaurants without crossing any streets, and the number multiplies if you allow a crossing or two. An actual grocery store is about half an hour's walk, but it's closer than the freeway, and you'd pass three or four convenience stores and about a dozen restaurants within the same distance. Getting to Mega-lo-mart would be a 45 minute walk, and involves going under the toll road overpass and crossing about 4 streets (so, a little farther than I'll want my kid going anytime soon).
- tomc1985 9y ago
  There was always some stigma against free-range parenting (think the grocery store scene in Home Alone) but it's gotten much, much worse
  - astura 9y ago
    What we would now call "free range parenting" was normal until recently.
- sitepodmatt 9y ago
  I think the word we're missing is pedophiles, we don't let kids roam far due to the increase fear of pedophiles - although I suspect the risk level havent changed as much as the publicity. Im probably better with traffic back then than I am now. Back in my day say when we were 9 or 10 so, we're be away from home for several hours at time during school holidays, sometimes we'd venture a little further than we'd admit to our parents - and bunk on a train to nearby city to cause a bit mayhem there etc.., we're try a get back before tea time incase the parents started calling each other and stories weren't solid. At age of 7 we certainly accustomed to the local shops and parks. I speak to parents now and the phrase often is 'the world is a different place' they mean there a new awareness of nonces. That's the unfortunate truth, of course there were still extremely cagey parents back then too, I felt sorry for those kids.
Pulcinella 9y ago
You won’t have CPS called on you for letting your children wander and play in the neighbor. Please don’t spread nonsense. Edited with my response to everyone depositing articles about the Meitivs: Nobody “called CPS on” the Meitivs. Somebody called the polic because they saw the children wandering around a parking garage (not a park like in many of the news stories. See [1].) The police officer then called CPS several times wondering what to do with children before finally driving over to CPS when they were dragging their heels[2]. [1] https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/free-range-family-again.. https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/free-range-family-again.... [2] Not that I think CPS is great. As a teacher, it’s basically impossible to get CPS to do anything unless the parents are abusing the children right in front of you on school property. Part of that is CPS being overworked and underfunded/understaffed. Part of that is that is it still usually better to keep the kids with their parents instead of foster care. And part of it is CPS not having the resources to have more options besides arrest parents or do nothing (like offering social services to the parents). Also I would argue there is a difference between letting your children play in the neighborhood outside your house and just leaving your children at the park for hours. I have had students who haven been abandoned at the park with their younger siblings.
- vamin 9y ago
  I know you're already getting a torrent of anecdotes right now, but I really think it's important not to sweep this under the rug. I have a co-worker who lives in a nice suburban neighborhood and had CPS called on him because his child was allowed to play in the park across the street from his house unsupervised. His child was interviewed by a social worker, his house was searched for drugs, the contents of his fridge were evaluated, and he had to go to court. In my state, it only takes one person to call, and once that person calls, an investigation is legally required, regardless of how spurious.
- seanmcdirmid 9y ago
  Depends on your neighbors and your neighborhood. Definitely not a universal, but it can fit an existential.
- mankyd 9y ago
  "The Maryland parents accused of child neglect for letting their children roam freely had to retrieve their children from Child Protective Services after they were removed from a park Sunday by police." http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/silver-spring/md-free-range-children-taken-by-cps/203337260 http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/silver-spring/md-free-range-...
aidos 9y ago
Or maybe because fathers are much more involved than 50 years ago? There are probably a load of reasons and I don't think it's just helicopter parenting. My father in law never changed a nappy for any of his 3 children, and that was normal. It certainly isn't now.
- dinoleif 9y ago
  Fathers can't be involved if they aren't around. Single motherhood rate in 1950: 5% Single motherhood rate in 2010: 41%
  - dragonwriter 9y ago
    Fathers can be around without being married to the mother.
    - dinoleif 9y ago
      From a technical perspective sure. From a statistical perspective, the point is a distraction.
      - dragonwriter 9y ago
        It's not, because unmarried long-term cohabitation has exploded.
        pbhjpbhj 9y ago
        How long term? As long as a whole childhood?
        astura 9y ago
        Unsurprisingly most unmarried parents break up before their kid is an adult. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/terry-gaspard-msw-licsw/living-together-without-marriage_b_6520118.html https://www.huffingtonpost.com/terry-gaspard-msw-licsw/livin... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2004878/Unmarried-parents-6-times-likely-split-time-child-5.html http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2004878/Unmarried-pa...
ringaroundthetx 9y ago
Man that meme really went wild huh Yes, CPS in one state did something ambiguous and alarming to self-proclaimed "free range" parents. No, you probably don't have the full story that a guy who had never seen the children before was concerned about their safety in that part of town, he decided to call 911 instead of talking to the kids and coming off as a creep. Yes, that one town's police department did get the CPS' attention, and the CPS did an investigation and found something arbitrary which is rightfully concerning. No, this isn't indicative of the entire US culture or widespread neighborly paranoia about children walking unattended.
- Larrikin 9y ago
  It sick in its own right that society has demonized talking to any children that aren't your own or in your care. Police should not have been called in that situation and just asking if the kids are ok or lost should not be viewed as a creepy action.
  - taeric 9y ago
    I'm torn. I fully agree with you. I also think quickly calling the cops to check on them as you go do something else shouldn't be that big of a deal. Because, to my mind, police should be part of the community. Ideally, not strangers in uniform. No, I don't think that is the case most (any?) place. :( I'm also afraid to look at the statistics, as I fear I'll see that this is another slant in class/race standings. :(
    - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
      Indeed, if you do call the cops they should be able to send someone to speak to the children to check they're OK, make sure they've not absconded or something, rather than making an incident out of it.
- khedoros1 9y ago
  It's extremely unusual to see unescorted children where I live, below early teens or so. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to hear about someone calling the police after seeing a child outside on their own; that's just the current culture. I live in a small gated community, in among other ungated neighborhoods. I see kids playing around my neighborhood, but never leaving it on their own. I hear grumbling from some of my neighbors even about that.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
junkscience2017 9y ago
I can't get my kids out of the house. I try. All of their friends are on SnapChat and/or Steam games. No one leaves their rooms. It is really depressing. Kids are not getting fresh air anymore.
- tn_ 9y ago
  How old were your kids before they got their smartphones/computers?
  - junkscience2017 9y ago
    in our area, most kids seem to be carrying iPhones by 4th grade. sad, but there it is.
    - ashark 9y ago
      My wife's a teacher. ~1/2 of the kids around here have smartphones by 2nd or 3rd grade, all but the children of "weirdos" (maybe 2-3%) have them by 5th. The schools don't make them leave them at home anymore like they did back when regular ol' dumb phones started to show up in kids' possession. Sometimes kids will be texting during class and it's their friggin' parents they're texting, as in, their parents contacted them during class. This is not as rare an occurrence as one might hope. Teachers can't confiscate them for practically any reason because most parents freak out if they do. No parental support for discipline basically = teachers can't do it (it's ineffective and a bigger headache than it's worth). This at lower- to middle-middle class schools, not the rich ones. And we're deep in flyover country, not anywhere trendy.
- DoubleCribble 9y ago
  Mystery power outages that seem to hit only our house have been known to occur in my neighborhood on fine weather days. It's like a ghost in the breaker box or something...
  - conanbatt 9y ago
acemv 9y ago
Unlikely -- As a parent, I am regularly exposed to messaging from local, state and the federal government, public school system, healthcare professionals, and parental advice "experts" on the importance of family bounding and spending time with my children. I go out of my way to be more attentive to my children in the evening after work, and during the weekends. Their day to day lives are significantly more structured than my own upbringing. Perhaps the rise in family time is due to this decades long mass messaging campaign around the developed world. And I don't think this is bad! Why? This social response is natural response to the rise in use of social media, entertainment and other electronic distractions.
- emodendroket 9y ago
  The concerning thing, though, is the way we start demonizing and going after parents who are unable to do this because of, say, their jobs not making it feasible.
QAPereo 9y ago
Can you cite some cases of that happening, preferably a pattern of said cases?
gajomi 9y ago
This seems improbable. Of course it depends a bit on the number of hours required to effectively helicopter parent, but the data for USA mothers indicates something like a 100% increase in time spent since 1965 resulting in two total hours a day, which seems far to little for any kind of omnipresence (similar results for fathers). Of course, these numbers are "on average" so you might argue that there are helicopter parenting subpopulations contributing to this increase, but this data can't provide evidence for or against that. The data in Denmark (where there really has been an orders of magnitude increase) and in France (with the decrease) seems like interesting places to look into. It could be that systematic reporting biases have a significant role to play in these results.
- watwut 9y ago
  How do you count when stay at home mom (norm in middle class 50ties) does housework or reads/solves crossword while the kid is playing around and she is answering those "look what I done" requests? It is both speding time with kid and not spending time with kid.
  - gajomi 9y ago
    This is a very good question and would seemingly be implicated in a critical view of the reporting methodology. I have been impressed with the work the NYT data team shows on their github (or whatever). It looks like the economist has an account: https://github.com/economist-data-team https://github.com/economist-data-team but in a few minutes searching around couldn't find any links to data sources. There was a footer mentioning that you could read more on the marriage special report, but I encountered a paywall :)
- dsfyu404ed 9y ago
  You don't need to spend time with someone to micromanage them.
  - goialoq 9y ago
    Then micromanaging is not related to the OP research about spending time with them.
rdtsc 9y ago
Happened to co-worker. They don't even know which neighbor did it, but it resulted in embarrassment, including calls at work from police, home visits etc.
- goialoq 9y ago
  What age was the child?
  - rdtsc 9y ago
    Maybe 2nd or 3rd grade. Playing in the front yard with parents watching from the house.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
nasalgoat 9y ago
I think it is less in vogue than you imagine. Every single parent I interact with via my son's activities expresses a lot of distain for it and generally promotes free time for their kids. I think the tide is turning back to free-range parenting.

Probably because helicopter parenting is in vogue (at least in the US). It is seriously messed up that you can have CPS called on you for letting your kid wander freely in the neighborhood

fleitz 9y ago

And yet people wonder why children grow up to be completely unprepared for the world...

jdhawk 9y ago

“we’ve morphed from being a village that helps raise children to a parenting police state,” -Petula Dvorak https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/free-range-kids-and-our-parenting-police-state/2015/04/13/42c30336-e1df-11e4-905f-cc896d379a32_story.html https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/free-range-kids-and-our...

thriftwy 9y ago

I've read in some paper about Ice Cream Test: Whether your 7 years old can get to the corner store and back after buying an ice cream there without encountering any dangers such as traffic. Immediately thought that you could be jailed for that in some jurisdictions. Having said that, I think the number of people who let their kids free-range is decreasing everywhere unfortunately.

seanmcdirmid 9y ago
In Japan, there is a tv show that secretly follows 4 or 5 year old kids on their first trip to the store alone. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9eMZp8KsZ5k https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9eMZp8KsZ5k So free ranging is not decreasing in all countries, just a few.
ovulator 9y ago
Corner store? You mean the Mega-lo-mart only accessibly after hopping on the free way?
- btilly 9y ago
  Where I live my kids can go on a 5 minute walk through a quiet neighborhood then cross one street to get to McDonalds. If they go a different direction they wind up at Subway. In 10 minutes they can go to a wide variety of places, everything from IHOP to a dollar store. Albertsons is an 11 minute walk. Less if they run. More if they stop and play at the park on the way. Not all of suburbia is big box malls off of freeways. There are a lot of little strip malls around as well. And you can choose a place for how walkable it is.
  - logfromblammo 9y ago
    That's anecdotal. 10 minutes of walking won't even get you out of my subdivision. Plop down a 15-minute radius on my map and there are literally zero places of business anywhere in it. This is largely due to zoning. There is a strip of land zoned for local businesses a mere 10 minutes away, but unsurprisingly, no one has chosen to build anything on it. You can't always prioritize walkability if you have a limit on your housing budget. My current place costs $11k/year, and the commuting to work by car isn't entirely horrible. But walking anywhere is really out of the question.
- khedoros1 9y ago
  I live in a suburban neighborhood. We're near a number of stores and restaurants without crossing any streets, and the number multiplies if you allow a crossing or two. An actual grocery store is about half an hour's walk, but it's closer than the freeway, and you'd pass three or four convenience stores and about a dozen restaurants within the same distance. Getting to Mega-lo-mart would be a 45 minute walk, and involves going under the toll road overpass and crossing about 4 streets (so, a little farther than I'll want my kid going anytime soon).
tomc1985 9y ago
There was always some stigma against free-range parenting (think the grocery store scene in Home Alone) but it's gotten much, much worse
- astura 9y ago
  What we would now call "free range parenting" was normal until recently.
sitepodmatt 9y ago
I think the word we're missing is pedophiles, we don't let kids roam far due to the increase fear of pedophiles - although I suspect the risk level havent changed as much as the publicity. Im probably better with traffic back then than I am now. Back in my day say when we were 9 or 10 so, we're be away from home for several hours at time during school holidays, sometimes we'd venture a little further than we'd admit to our parents - and bunk on a train to nearby city to cause a bit mayhem there etc.., we're try a get back before tea time incase the parents started calling each other and stories weren't solid. At age of 7 we certainly accustomed to the local shops and parks. I speak to parents now and the phrase often is 'the world is a different place' they mean there a new awareness of nonces. That's the unfortunate truth, of course there were still extremely cagey parents back then too, I felt sorry for those kids.

Pulcinella 9y ago

You won’t have CPS called on you for letting your children wander and play in the neighbor. Please don’t spread nonsense. Edited with my response to everyone depositing articles about the Meitivs: Nobody “called CPS on” the Meitivs. Somebody called the polic because they saw the children wandering around a parking garage (not a park like in many of the news stories. See [1].) The police officer then called CPS several times wondering what to do with children before finally driving over to CPS when they were dragging their heels[2]. [1] https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/free-range-family-again.. https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/free-range-family-again.... [2] Not that I think CPS is great. As a teacher, it’s basically impossible to get CPS to do anything unless the parents are abusing the children right in front of you on school property. Part of that is CPS being overworked and underfunded/understaffed. Part of that is that is it still usually better to keep the kids with their parents instead of foster care. And part of it is CPS not having the resources to have more options besides arrest parents or do nothing (like offering social services to the parents). Also I would argue there is a difference between letting your children play in the neighborhood outside your house and just leaving your children at the park for hours. I have had students who haven been abandoned at the park with their younger siblings.

vamin 9y ago
I know you're already getting a torrent of anecdotes right now, but I really think it's important not to sweep this under the rug. I have a co-worker who lives in a nice suburban neighborhood and had CPS called on him because his child was allowed to play in the park across the street from his house unsupervised. His child was interviewed by a social worker, his house was searched for drugs, the contents of his fridge were evaluated, and he had to go to court. In my state, it only takes one person to call, and once that person calls, an investigation is legally required, regardless of how spurious.
seanmcdirmid 9y ago
Depends on your neighbors and your neighborhood. Definitely not a universal, but it can fit an existential.
mankyd 9y ago
"The Maryland parents accused of child neglect for letting their children roam freely had to retrieve their children from Child Protective Services after they were removed from a park Sunday by police." http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/silver-spring/md-free-range-children-taken-by-cps/203337260 http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/silver-spring/md-free-range-...

aidos 9y ago

Or maybe because fathers are much more involved than 50 years ago? There are probably a load of reasons and I don't think it's just helicopter parenting. My father in law never changed a nappy for any of his 3 children, and that was normal. It certainly isn't now.

dinoleif 9y ago
Fathers can't be involved if they aren't around. Single motherhood rate in 1950: 5% Single motherhood rate in 2010: 41%
- dragonwriter 9y ago
  Fathers can be around without being married to the mother.
  - dinoleif 9y ago
    From a technical perspective sure. From a statistical perspective, the point is a distraction.
    - dragonwriter 9y ago
      It's not, because unmarried long-term cohabitation has exploded.
      - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
        How long term? As long as a whole childhood?
        astura 9y ago
        Unsurprisingly most unmarried parents break up before their kid is an adult. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/terry-gaspard-msw-licsw/living-together-without-marriage_b_6520118.html https://www.huffingtonpost.com/terry-gaspard-msw-licsw/livin... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2004878/Unmarried-parents-6-times-likely-split-time-child-5.html http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2004878/Unmarried-pa...

ringaroundthetx 9y ago

Man that meme really went wild huh Yes, CPS in one state did something ambiguous and alarming to self-proclaimed "free range" parents. No, you probably don't have the full story that a guy who had never seen the children before was concerned about their safety in that part of town, he decided to call 911 instead of talking to the kids and coming off as a creep. Yes, that one town's police department did get the CPS' attention, and the CPS did an investigation and found something arbitrary which is rightfully concerning. No, this isn't indicative of the entire US culture or widespread neighborly paranoia about children walking unattended.

Larrikin 9y ago
It sick in its own right that society has demonized talking to any children that aren't your own or in your care. Police should not have been called in that situation and just asking if the kids are ok or lost should not be viewed as a creepy action.
- taeric 9y ago
  I'm torn. I fully agree with you. I also think quickly calling the cops to check on them as you go do something else shouldn't be that big of a deal. Because, to my mind, police should be part of the community. Ideally, not strangers in uniform. No, I don't think that is the case most (any?) place. :( I'm also afraid to look at the statistics, as I fear I'll see that this is another slant in class/race standings. :(
  - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
    Indeed, if you do call the cops they should be able to send someone to speak to the children to check they're OK, make sure they've not absconded or something, rather than making an incident out of it.
khedoros1 9y ago
It's extremely unusual to see unescorted children where I live, below early teens or so. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to hear about someone calling the police after seeing a child outside on their own; that's just the current culture. I live in a small gated community, in among other ungated neighborhoods. I see kids playing around my neighborhood, but never leaving it on their own. I hear grumbling from some of my neighbors even about that.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

junkscience2017 9y ago

I can't get my kids out of the house. I try. All of their friends are on SnapChat and/or Steam games. No one leaves their rooms. It is really depressing. Kids are not getting fresh air anymore.

tn_ 9y ago
How old were your kids before they got their smartphones/computers?
- junkscience2017 9y ago
  in our area, most kids seem to be carrying iPhones by 4th grade. sad, but there it is.
  - ashark 9y ago
    My wife's a teacher. ~1/2 of the kids around here have smartphones by 2nd or 3rd grade, all but the children of "weirdos" (maybe 2-3%) have them by 5th. The schools don't make them leave them at home anymore like they did back when regular ol' dumb phones started to show up in kids' possession. Sometimes kids will be texting during class and it's their friggin' parents they're texting, as in, their parents contacted them during class. This is not as rare an occurrence as one might hope. Teachers can't confiscate them for practically any reason because most parents freak out if they do. No parental support for discipline basically = teachers can't do it (it's ineffective and a bigger headache than it's worth). This at lower- to middle-middle class schools, not the rich ones. And we're deep in flyover country, not anywhere trendy.
DoubleCribble 9y ago
Mystery power outages that seem to hit only our house have been known to occur in my neighborhood on fine weather days. It's like a ghost in the breaker box or something...
- conanbatt 9y ago

acemv 9y ago

Unlikely -- As a parent, I am regularly exposed to messaging from local, state and the federal government, public school system, healthcare professionals, and parental advice "experts" on the importance of family bounding and spending time with my children. I go out of my way to be more attentive to my children in the evening after work, and during the weekends. Their day to day lives are significantly more structured than my own upbringing. Perhaps the rise in family time is due to this decades long mass messaging campaign around the developed world. And I don't think this is bad! Why? This social response is natural response to the rise in use of social media, entertainment and other electronic distractions.

emodendroket 9y ago
The concerning thing, though, is the way we start demonizing and going after parents who are unable to do this because of, say, their jobs not making it feasible.

QAPereo 9y ago

Can you cite some cases of that happening, preferably a pattern of said cases?

gajomi 9y ago

This seems improbable. Of course it depends a bit on the number of hours required to effectively helicopter parent, but the data for USA mothers indicates something like a 100% increase in time spent since 1965 resulting in two total hours a day, which seems far to little for any kind of omnipresence (similar results for fathers). Of course, these numbers are "on average" so you might argue that there are helicopter parenting subpopulations contributing to this increase, but this data can't provide evidence for or against that. The data in Denmark (where there really has been an orders of magnitude increase) and in France (with the decrease) seems like interesting places to look into. It could be that systematic reporting biases have a significant role to play in these results.

watwut 9y ago
How do you count when stay at home mom (norm in middle class 50ties) does housework or reads/solves crossword while the kid is playing around and she is answering those "look what I done" requests? It is both speding time with kid and not spending time with kid.
- gajomi 9y ago
  This is a very good question and would seemingly be implicated in a critical view of the reporting methodology. I have been impressed with the work the NYT data team shows on their github (or whatever). It looks like the economist has an account: https://github.com/economist-data-team https://github.com/economist-data-team but in a few minutes searching around couldn't find any links to data sources. There was a footer mentioning that you could read more on the marriage special report, but I encountered a paywall :)
dsfyu404ed 9y ago
You don't need to spend time with someone to micromanage them.
- goialoq 9y ago
  Then micromanaging is not related to the OP research about spending time with them.

rdtsc 9y ago

Happened to co-worker. They don't even know which neighbor did it, but it resulted in embarrassment, including calls at work from police, home visits etc.

goialoq 9y ago
What age was the child?
- rdtsc 9y ago
  Maybe 2nd or 3rd grade. Playing in the front yard with parents watching from the house.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

nasalgoat 9y ago

I think it is less in vogue than you imagine. Every single parent I interact with via my son's activities expresses a lot of distain for it and generally promotes free time for their kids. I think the tide is turning back to free-range parenting.