20 ms·

Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

• daeken 16y ago
  I'm 22, and perhaps I'm naive in my belief of this, but one of the biggest things I've learned is that theory and practice are rarely aligned. Reading about mistakes someone else has made generally only helps you see that you've made the same mistake in hindsight; when you're heading down that same path, you tend to justify it or are completely blind to the fact that it's a mistake. All that said, I'm curious about what comes of this thread regardless of how useful it ends up being.
  • ntoshev 16y ago
    You need to constantly validate your theories against the real world, what other people say is not enough. This means: solve a lot of problems after you learned a theory, try to feel out the problem space yourself by extending the theory or applying it in a specific way, practice, practice, practice, and always look out for things everyone considers true but are not obvious from the data.
  • jpdbaugh 16y ago
    I am finding more and more as a 21 year that all the answers that you need come from within. I can read the internet all day long for advice about my life but at the end of the day I am really starting to think I am the only one that knows exactly what I should do. Actually doing what I know I should is a completely different thing however.
• wyclif 16y ago
  That girlfriend material is the same as wife material.
  • baguasquirrel 16y ago
    That's startling. What makes it so? Do you think that the converse is true, that boyfriend material is the same as husband material?
    • noname123 16y ago
      I believe the wyclif was referring to rather quite the opposite, that a former naive belief of his was that girlfriend material is the same as wife material. This is in spite of my former belief the only thing that would ever come out of wyclif's mouth was "dollar dollar bill, y'all".
      • alttab 16y ago
        former naive belief of his was that girlfriend material is the same as wife material. I read his original comment as "you want your girlfriend to be like your wife." That is unless you like wasting 2 people's time instead of one. If you are just looking for "girlfriend" activities, then shes not really your girlfriend, is she?
        • wyclif 16y ago
          OK, I'll settle this: noname123 is right. Remember, this is Ask HN. I just answered the question "What were your naivetés in your twenties?" That was one of mine. I'm amused that got voted up so much while being misunderstood by some...the dangers of brevity!
• pavs 16y ago
  One of the most important lesson I have learned is the importance of savings and living a frugal life. Even if you are independently wealthy, living a frugal life can give you a sense of introspection that is hard to understand for most when you are wealthy. Save. Save. Save. They say you learn your biggest life lesson as you stumble through your experiences in life. Poverty is something you would NOT want to experience in your life and there is no guarantee you will survive through it and when (or if) you do survive it might take a big chunk of your life you will never get back or recover from the process.
  • Terry_B 16y ago
    My desire to do this though, causes the problem that I feel like I can't stop working and constantly increasing my savings. The idea that if I take time off for a while to work on something at a loss, the damage will be too great due to the long time effects of compounding interest etc and the desire to build a prosperous life for my family. So I think I have the opposite problem. I have a hard time stepping off the gas pedal to pursue things that would probably be more beneficial and enjoyable.
    • aaronblohowiak 16y ago
      it seems as though you are talking about something different from the OP. you are emphasizing building wealth, the OP is emphasizing restraint.
      • silvestrov 16y ago
        It is two sides of the same coin: you can't build wealth without exercising restraint. Look at all the professional young sport guys who earned millions in no time, and who wasted it all on senseless bling-bling. And he says, "work on something at a loss", which is definitly not building wealth, it is anti-saving. If you are a saver, you'll always save money no matter how much or how little you earn. Spending your savings is against your nature. Saving money is living in the possibilities, in the mind.
• Terry_B 16y ago
  I recently asked a question that got a lot of responses along these lines. Hope you get even more! http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1366217 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1366217
• thomasfl 16y ago
  The developer who hasn't coded assembler in his yoth is crazy. The seasoned programmer coding assembler is also crazy.
• duopixel 16y ago
  Being too cocky about the experience and depth of knowledge I had at the time. I was a big fish in a small pond, and I outperformed my peers, but on once you go up the professional ladder you realize how little you know.
  • deleted 16y ago
    [deleted]
  • portman 16y ago
    I 100% agree, and would summarize as "You are not as good as you think you are". http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1209119 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1209119
• chmike 16y ago
  Meritocracy : the reward would be function of merit. What I've learned is that merit is a multivariate dimension with different weights on the variables. Weights varies heavily with time and context. The reward is also very relative because it has never bee what I would consider a legitimate reward. The error was induced by school notes working model as well as by education process of parents with rewarding and praising. I assumed it would apply in "true life" everywhere with everybody that would have to judge or evaluate me.
  • ErrantX 16y ago
    I've written about this before actually. I hung out in a couple of supposed Meritocracy (both in real life and online) and all of them collapsed when someone asked the question "so, uh, what is merit exactly?" - because no one could agree :)
• strait 16y ago
  Experience the excitement of slapping yourself silly now instead of later, because it will probably be much less enjoyable when you're older. Words of wisdom.
• fezzl 16y ago
  That things will usually turn out better than I expect. It's important to have realistic (read: deliberately-lowered) expectations in life. I always find that I am objectively better off when I don't burden myself with out-of-reach ambitions. P.S.: I'm a college sophomore.
• shin_lao 16y ago
  It's naive of you to believe you can learn from our past naivety. You will have to do your own mistakes and learn from them. Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. -Oscar Wilde
  • baguasquirrel 16y ago
    Perhaps not, but I think I've learned from mistakes faster when people have warned me beforehand about them.
  • heatdeath 16y ago
    If you're a rational person, you can learn a lot from other people's mistakes.
    • DTrejo 16y ago
      Too bad we're not rational
      • heatdeath 16y ago
        Speak for yourself.
        • MikeCapone 16y ago
          Unless your brain isn't the product of evolution by natural selection, it's not optional: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases
  • JoelMcCracken 16y ago
    Sorry but Oscar Wilde was the original troll. If you've spent any time reading him you'd be extremely reluctant to quote him on something like this.
    • 16y ago
• JacobAldridge 16y ago
  As a single data point - supporting the idea that your own experience is far more valuable than listening to me talk - I continue to get massive value from this (under-rated imho) essay: http://www.paulgraham.com/gap.html http://www.paulgraham.com/gap.html
  • Zarkonnen 16y ago
    I actually have to disagree with you. I think that's a terrible article. The core idea, that truly competent and motivated people are orders of magnitude more productive than others, is true. But the rest of it is a bad justification for centuries of inequality and exploitation. It confuses Is and Ought To by assuming that any market outcome is always morally good. It ignores the environment, society, and history, while claiming to be more "reality-based" than opposing views.
• fleitz 16y ago
  The best advice is: Relax, it's going to be ok. Everyone takes their own path in life. Listen to others but find your own path. When you wake up in the morning ask yourself are you happy? If yes keep doing what you are doing. If no, ask yourself if you could do something to change that, if you can then do that, rinse wash repeat. If you can't do anything about it be happy anyway. In short, just be.
  • pavs 16y ago
    http://i.imgur.com/wKKV6.jpg http://i.imgur.com/wKKV6.jpg
  • hardik 16y ago
    Does this imply staying in your comfort zone? Is this not counter-productive?
    • pavs 16y ago
      It is very unlikely that you will always be in your comfort zone. When you ask yourself this question ever day, "Are you happy?", sooner or later you will find yourself replying back "no". Then you will need to change something to make yourself happy, the action of changing something will take you out of your comfort zone. I try it often, it works, but you will need to be honest with yourself when you answer this question.
    • ErrantX 16y ago
      Depends; if you like being in your comfort zone and can maintain that indefinitely whats the problem?
      • fleitz 16y ago
        The nice thing about being human is you only have to maintain it for about 80 years.
        • hardik 16y ago
          I find myself kicking me out of the zone just as it is created. Sometimes it is tiring, working on it (working on both, that is, "being comfortable" as well as not getting out too soon :) )
• cammil 16y ago
  Don't believe everything they tell you. If you listen to too many people too often, you will be average at best. Have the conviction to be better. If you can't convince people of your ideas, it doesn't mean the ideas are bad, it just means they didn't think of them first.
  • patrickk 16y ago
    Don't believe everything they tell you. If you listen to too many people too often, you will be average at best. In other words, don't go to med school because daddy's a doctor and told you so. There's a reason a lot of highly successful people dropped out of college or never went.
    • M_Sanger 16y ago
      I studied engineering because daddy's an engineer. At a young age I didn't comprehend how fulfilling math and science could be, I didn't understand the creativity and depth and purpose it could bring to me. It turns out daddy has been right a lot of the time. Also, sure some highly successful people dropped out of college, but perhaps even more highly successful people stuck with it so I'm not sure I agree with "a lot". How often does impulsiveness and ego result in one's downfall as opposed to one's success? I certainly think taking the jump is much more interesting, but we also mostly hear about the success stories. After watching plenty of crappy actresses on screen one could conclude it's easy to earn millions smiling in front of a camera, but that's not the case.
      • patrickk 16y ago
        I didn't mean to appear to disparage college, I myself am a recent graduate. The point I was making was that some people, in order to be highly successful, have to do things that seem weird, risky or downright crazy in order to get ahead (things that their friends, family, business partners, investors etc wouldn't approve of or don't see the reason for). Examples: - Sergey Brin is on leave from his PhD studies in Stanford. If the price of me not having to use Yahoo or MSN to find stuff online is the knowledge that one of Google's co-founders doesn't have his PhD yet because he dropped out of his studies to co-found Google, then that's a price I'm willing to pay ;-). Apparently his parents still aren't happy that he doesn't have it, even though he's the 24th richest man in the world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sergey_Brin http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sergey_Brin - A guy called Michael Burry was the first man to 'predict' the housing market collapse in the US. Author Michael Lewis profiled him in his book, 'The Big Short'. His investors criticized him for years that such a stance was insane, un-American, impossible etc. Mr. Burry didn't listen to any of them, and stuck to his guns because his own research and insight told him he was right. He made millions in a short space of time when things went pear-shaped near the end of 2008. Others copied his strategy also, and made out like bandits. See: http://www.vanityfair.com/business/features/2010/04/wall-street-excerpt-201004 http://www.vanityfair.com/business/features/2010/04/wall-str...
• Greenwell 16y ago
  That you never regret the big fun adventures that you decide to go on. When faced with the decision, it can be really hard to take 6 months off to travel to the destination of your dreams - but in hindsight, these are the best times of your life and you usually don't regret them. I recently sat with a 96 year old man, and his stories were about his trips to his hometown in Europe and to the United States, not about the job that he took or the project that he completed.
  • GFischer 16y ago
    There were several articles over here about the "Experience Self" vs the "Remembering Self", all based on a talk by Dr.Daniel Kahneman (http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_kahneman_the_riddle_of_experience_vs_memory.html http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_kahneman_the_riddle_of_exper...) Some articles have a summary: http://sheshtawy.wordpress.com/2010/03/01/experience-self-vs-remembering-self-experience-vs-memory/ http://sheshtawy.wordpress.com/2010/03/01/experience-self-vs... The remembering self of the old man definitely appreciated the trips better :)
    • tome 16y ago
      My comments on Kahneman's talk: http://web.jaguarpaw.co.uk/~tom/blog.html http://web.jaguarpaw.co.uk/~tom/blog.html
• lionhearted 16y ago
  Man, forgive me for being blunt, but there's a lot of loser talk in this thread. "Oh you can't learn from others mistakes, you'll make them, blah blah blah..." - no, this is how people feel better about themselves for having not listened to advice and getting wrecked in their own life because of it. Sure, you'll make mistakes, but you shouldn't just accept wandering blindly through life dealing with stuff. This is what most people do, mind you - wander blindly through life. Like, there's tons of literature on good parenting. How many people read it? Like, none. So then they justify their bad parenting by saying "well, we all have to make our mistakes" - bullshit. Bullshit lazy talk. This is like the "you've got to earn your stripes the hard way" thing - sometimes you do, but sometimes you don't. But people who got their stripes the hard way often hate people who get them an easier way. Ignore those people. Okay, that said, this thread was really good: "Ask HN: What streetsmarts have you learnt?" http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1366217 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1366217 I'll paste my comment from that thread, it's absolutely true and I learned it the hard way. Also, I admire you for being proactive and looking for advice to build a smarter, better life with. -- Track record, track record, track record, track record. Look at the track record. Track records don't lie. Track record, track record, track record. Someone fired from all their jobs is probably going to be a menace later in some form or fashion. Someone who ended all their relationships on bad terms is going to end on bad terms with you. Strong starters/non-finishers are going to start strong but likely won't be able to close it out without extra help later... which you might be oblivious to, because they'd started so strongly. Track records don't lie. Unless you're really good at spotting diamonds in the rough, don't grab someone with a bad track record for an important role in your business and life. I've learned this one the hard way too many times. I still get tempted with, "Wow, this guy/girl is so amazing, the problem must've been the other people..." I'm trying to not do that any more. Once? Quite possibly a fluke. Twice? Maybe... Three times? That's a track record. Also, people will always say they've changed. It's probably a bad idea to be the first person to test out whether it's real or not.
  • noname123 16y ago
    Forgive me also for being blunt ... what if the person who has the poor track records is yourself? I'm of course referring to myself and others who don't have as a tough sounding username as lionhearted. I think we give the benefit of doubt to people that we could relate to, who have had the same disadvantages and flaws as ourselves (after all, to not do so is to reject ourselves). Does your statement imply that we should try to align ourselves with those who have better track records than our own, and vice versa for those who are inferior? I'm not trying to be facetious, but trying to get you to elaborate applying what you said in a real world context.
• pizzaman 16y ago
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4
• crististm 16y ago
  That persuasion is about rational explanations (it's not).
  • lhnz 16y ago
    Good point, and I'll add that this book is a good place to get started: http://www.amazon.com/dp/006124189X http://www.amazon.com/dp/006124189X
• torpor 16y ago
  A couple things from this forty-year old: 1. If you want to have kids, do it sooner rather than later. The sooner you have them, the better: they grow up so fast, you'll still have time in your 40's to enjoy life with them as teenagers, if you're lucky. If you leave it too late, you'll be pretty disconnected from their teen lives, and hell .. what 40-year old doesn't enjoy the odd jaunt with their teenage kids, eh? I know I wish I'd had my kids a decade sooner .. and don't let anyone tell you its hard, either. Its not hard, if you love them enough, to keep your lives together and do well as a family. Family units are the strongest groups you will ever find or belong to, if they are indeed a unit .. 2. The wisdom of the Mob. It doesn't exist in nearly as palatable a form as most people might desire, and there is also the ugly truth that the Mob can be downright stupid. Collective truth is often full of lies. You would be wise to exercise your ability to disassociate yourself from collective thought as often, and as early, as possible. This means, always question "what everyone else knows to be true" four, five, six times, before you use it as a basis for life decisions .. The Mob wishes to Eat you, Individual, and Never Forget That! 3. Save. Save, save, save. 10% of your money saved on a regular basis now is a huge relief in the future. I wish I'd enforced this on myself a bit better in the 20's .. you simply cannot avoid the fact that if you save during your most productive years, your least productive years will be better off for it ..
  • eru 16y ago
    > 3. Save. Save, save, save. 10% of your money saved on a regular basis now is a huge relief in the future. I wish I'd enforced this on myself a bit better in the 20's .. you simply cannot avoid the fact that if you save during your most productive years, your least productive years will be better off for it .. I just got my first a few months ago and opted to save more than 20% of my gross income (tax-free, you pay taxes when you get it out later). I wasn't used to the money anyway, yet, so it was easy. Also, if you are not saving already: I guess whenever you get a raise, you can comfortably afford to save like 50% of it--because that money isn't planned into your budget, yet.
    • derwiki 16y ago
      One step further: if you get a raise, take all of the associated money and save it. The standard of living you're used to will stay the same.
• jamesbritt 16y ago
  Not only is life short, it's shorter than you think. Make your time count. I don't mean a life round-the-clock serious business, just be mindful of when you are pissing away your time. Every single person I know suddenly finds themselves thinking, Holy fuck, I'm [40|50|60|...]? How in the hell did that happen? And you will do the same.
• brg 16y ago
  You will only be given what you deserve after you ask for it. And never be afraid of asking for it if you deserve it. This is true for gratitude, raises, promotions, funding, marriage, etc.
• aaronblohowiak 16y ago
  Lessons I'm learning: Social protocol has a real impact on people. The quality of your reasoning doesn't provide you an excuse to ignore it. It is incredibly easy to blow thousands of dollars, $20 at a time. Smile. Reserve judgement until judgement is required. Helping people is more satisfying than helping yourself. This is true because you can feel like you've helped others enough, but you will always want more for yourself. ;) Ambition isn't talent. Ambition isn't a moral quality. Be prepared. There is no substitute for good sleeping habits. Really. Complex, irrational arguments and behavior are often explained by simple emotional factors.
  • chronomex 16y ago
    It is incredibly easy to blow thousands of dollars, $20 at a time. I'm only 22 and I already learned that the hard way. Spend less than you earn.
    • kleevr 16y ago
      I couldn't find the original quote, but if I can paraphrase it: Spend two pence less than you make and you'll be content, maybe even happy. Spend two pence more than you make and you'll be miserable.
      • whatusername 16y ago
        Wilkins Micawber -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilkins_Micawber http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilkins_Micawber (A character in Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield) "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery."
  • alttab 16y ago
    Complex, irrational arguments and behavior are often explained by simple emotional factors. Understanding this, and you will understand a lot. In almost all quibbles, addressing what you've rooted up as the deep emotional reaction to whatever surface thing you talk about and watch the other person's reaction change immediately.
• Vivtek 16y ago
  Find a girl. Settle down. If you want, you can marry. (Look at me - I am old, but I'm happy.)
  • alexwyser 16y ago
    Father and Son?
    • Vivtek 16y ago
      You still can't beat Cat.
• chegra 16y ago
  1. Your friends aren't your market, so don't be surprise when they don't read your blog or join your site. It's like offering a guy a skirt to wear; it's just not something they are interested in. 2. Your friends and family really want you to succeed. Even though they might say negative stuff about you trying something new, they want you to succeed. Part of the reason they say these stuff is that they want to prevent you from experiencing failure and all the emotional baggage that comes along with it. What I am saying is to take the negative statements made by families and friends lightly. My family was surprised I sold my website when I started grad school; I thought they didn't care for it. 3. Try to network as much as possible. Most investors wouldn't invest in someone who is not properly introduce. 75% of romantic relationship are established through your network. 90% of jobs are found through networks, at least the upper echelon ones. 4. Actions over words. Do something then talk about it, not the other way around. Talking is satisfying enough that it might not lead to action.
  • nailer 16y ago
    > 75% of romantic relationship are established through your network. Yes, but if you can cold call you'll get get a wider range of possible results (says a happily married cold caller!).
    • tome 16y ago
      What do you mean by "cold calling" in this context?
      • nailer 16y ago
        Approaching complete unknowns outside of your network - in my case, a girl who'd spent most of her time arguing with another guy at a bar and got up to leave. This girl is now Mrs Nailer.
• z80 16y ago
  Learn by fucking up. It's as simple as that. You will gain friends and loose some too, as well as girlfriends or any other person. But in the end, you will learn what's The Right Thing and your friends will be true friends and your GF/Wife/SO will be a person who respects and love you regardless of your flaws. Being 36, father of three, married for the second time and doing pretty well for myself these days, I can of course only relate to my own experiences of life. But I'm pretty sure that if I've asked anyone the question you're asking 15 years ago, I would have gotten some advice on how to get by in life, but I wouldn't have understood why the advice given to me was the right way. Experience gives you that understanding. z80, Sweden
• jasonkester 16y ago
  Two things: 1.) Save money while you're young. Keep living like a college student for 5 years after you leave college and sack away at least $10k/year. Put it into the market and don't touch it again until you retire. Compound interest is quite a thing to behold, and 5% returns over 40 years will do some amazing things to your money. Start with 100k when you're under 30 and you probably won't ever need to worry about retirement savings. 2. Get to the point where you are provably good at what you do as fast as possible. This will mean switching jobs several times. Build things that are noteworthy and get to the point where people are recommending you to their friends. Once you've done that, you get secret point 3: 3. You are more valuable to your employer than they are to you. Companies spend a lot of effort making you think your job is precarious and could be taken away at any minute. In reality it will take six months to find a decent replacement for you. Once you're in and demonstrating that you can find your arse with both hands, they're not going to want to lose you. That gives you lots of room to explore, and is the reason that I love this industry so much. I can't think of another profession where you can take nine months off every year and still make a good living. More here: http://www.expatsoftware.com/articles/2007/02/two-weeks-vacation-is-only.html http://www.expatsoftware.com/articles/2007/02/two-weeks-vaca...
• HSO 16y ago
  One of my "naiveties" was to believe others' post-hoc explanations of their success or failure. People usually overestimate their own impact or effectiveness in influencing their life, and that's probably a good misperception to have in order to "take control" or "be proactive", good attitudes to life. But it's a mistake to carry this bias over to interpreting other people's life. Life is usually too complex to figure out from the outside what went down and what was the kicker. Many times, I figure, people themselves don't know much about what ultimately determined their life outcome. I'm not exactly sure what conclusion to draw from this. But just be careful in mimicking other people, or even asking questions like this. It's only superficially smart. The best ways to learn from others may be to read literature or poetry, i.e. to learn from fictive others; good writers are not good writers because they write well but because of their perceptive power.
• mkramlich 16y ago
  We are all born with a fatal disease called life. It will kill you eventually. Use your time wisely. Wisely does not mean always working, nor always playing, but probably some kind of balance. Combine work and play for the win.
• yread 16y ago
  Drink white beer only in reasonable amounts!
  • bittersweet 16y ago
    I love white beer (Hoegaarden, Wieckse Witte), anything wrong with it?
    • yread 16y ago
      Just that the yeast there can really make going to the toilet next day much easier :)
  • moomba 16y ago
    But, don't feel afraid to go into excess when the time permits. Life is about pushing the boundaries.
• scorpion032 16y ago
  I am perfect. Not naive in any way. I am 25.
  • jarmop 16y ago
    In the year 2020, you'll find this post of yours - and have a hearty laugh. How do I know? Because around 1998 I wrote quite similar sentiment...
    • tome 16y ago
      It seems to me that scorpion032's post is intended to be an ironic "naivity in his 20's" rather than a statement he actually believes.
  • Keyframe 16y ago
    I was you a couple of days ago. Now I'm 29!
    • Amnon 16y ago
      How did you skip 4 years?
      • Keyframe 16y ago
        They skipped by themselves, overnight!
• Zakuzaa 16y ago
  This should be reposted to Reddit as well.
• todayiamme 16y ago
  Disclaimer: I am not even 19 yet. So take this comment with an ocean full of salt. I have failed in my life more times than I can remember. In fact, everything I have ever done has been a failure at some level or the other. All of my plans to get myself out of the rut and actually do something with my life have failed. I have so many shortcomings that I can't list them in a book let alone a comment, but pitfall has taught me something. Never ever give up. It is something so cliched, but somehow it's the essence of life. All of the advice above me has taught me a lot, but the thing is that while implementing that advice you will fail. You will fail again and again and again. I really hope that life has dealt you a fair hand, but sooner or later you will feel like everything is lost, and that life is no longer worth living. Don't listen to yourself at that time. Give yourself time, and just get up and start moving. I really do hope that you don't have to experience this, but it is quite true. It is something so obvious, but something really hard to do when you are in that situation. I really hope that you never ever go through that pain, but whenever you do just remember that life is worth far more than what we can ever imagine. Other than that rather obvious piece of advice I would suggest that you should surround yourself with people who care about you. Find your family. It doesn't matter if it is united by biology or sheer love, but you need people in life to love you and give you those small things that we all take for granted. I know just how corny this sounds, but I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for this. Whenever you know that you are loved unconditionally it gives you a sense of security and peace that no amount of money in this world can buy. Those people are the ones that make your life worth living, and help you to achieve your goals.
• pavelludiq 16y ago
  My twenties started 6 months ago, but I've already discovered several of these. I discovered that despite knowing several languages and frameworks, i can't actually program. Despite being able to get descent grades in high-school without studying i can't do it with university material, so i have less time to play with computers, because i actually have to put in effort. I thought smoking is bad for you, the same way junk food is, actually it has a much bigger impact on your body, much faster. I thought i don't need to sleep...ever. I look forward to discovering more of these, as quickly as possible.
  • qw 16y ago
    You're lucky to have discovered this now. I learned it the hard way, when I didn't have the motivation or dedication to study hard at the University. I just hadn't learned how to force myself to study. A lot of people underestimate what higher education teaches you. You may be able to learn how to program by yourself, but you don't learn how to do the boring hard work.
  • jpdbaugh 16y ago
    After just a couple years of smoking occasionally at school mainly while drinking I can say that my health has seriously been affected far more than I ever thought it would be. I am constantly stuffed up and coughing shit up.
• motters 16y ago
  Some advice I'd give to people in their 20s entering the technology business is: Don't accept "I give you my word" as part of any business negotiation or contract. This probably applies more in the UK, where there is a tradition/myth of gentlemanly conduct between professionals. On a couple of occasions in my 20s I got caught out in situations where the business partner had seemed to be completely trustworthy and had "given their word" that they would do the right thing. Try to live a modest lifestyle, and save money. In the technology business companies come and go, and you can never rely upon continuous employment. Even in Europe, where there is supposedly a social security "safety net", there will be times when you need to fall back on savings made during the good times (this is assuming that you don't have wealthy parents). Even if your job appears totally secure, it isn't. When you don't have much experience behind you it is possible to be lulled into a false sense of security. It doesn't matter how big the company is, or how illustrious the clients. If you're doing contract work, always read the terms of the contract and be prepared to negotiate over clauses that you don't like. Signing up to stuff without reading it can get you into trouble. In the software world focussing your career around one language or platform can be a mistake. Learn as much as you can about a variety of systems. I didn't make this mistake myself, but saw people who did. Don't let yourself become a language zealot, and avoid closing your mind off to other possibilities.
• fbnt 16y ago
  personal relationships > money
• Keyframe 16y ago
  Probably most stupid thing was that I believed I had to do everything while still in my 20's. Now that I'm entering the year of 30 later this year, I came to realize that most productive period is ahead of me, for the next 30 or so years.
• DanielBMarkham 16y ago
  - Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex arguments. Be confident, but also assume that you are broken in ways you can never spot. Find some ways to get a checksum on life decisions every now and then. - You don't need very much at all. Maybe a laptop computer and a couple changes of clothes. Pictures and videos of your life. That's about it. - Nothing will ever replace experiences. No matter how big the car, nice the house, or professional-looking the suit, it's never going to be as much fun or mean as much later as the experiences you have in life. And it's not just having the experience, it's looking forward to them, and planning them, and making pictures, movies, and blogs out of them. The best part, oddly, may be the planning. So planning a 200-dollar trip to the beach in the Fall with people you love may give you many hours of happiness this summer -- along with the fun of the trip itself. - Learn to keep picking topics and immersing yourself in them. Most everybody will say to drop out and become part of the system -- 9-5 job and TV/games/internet in the evening. If you want a life you could sleep through, that's fine. But if you want a life you can tell stories about, keep reinventing yourself. And that means constantly learning. - Lots of shit in life that once looked dumb or stupid opens up into this huge panorama of beauty once you learn the rules. In so many things you are like the guy who never saw a baseball game going to the world series. You kind of get it, but it all seems silly. You don't know the rules. Decide to learn how to appreciate music, for instance. Get a few college lectures on tape, get some good music to listen to, hang out with folks who are music connoisseurs. The more you know about various art forms, the richer your life is. - Forget philosophy and meaning-of-life shit. You're too young. For now, you are what you do. Go do something worthwhile - Stick to a daily exercise routine at all costs - If you are changing and getting better, that means you are changing friends too. This was very difficult for me, but you can't hang out with the same folks and expect to become a better person. There are exceptions, of course, but to a large degree your life is controlled by whom you choose to be friends and hang out with. Be aware that you don't want to be the same person at 30 as you were at 20. I'm not saying be an asshole -- keep being friendly by all means -- but be very careful who you hold yourself up against as "normal" - Dating is a numbers game, like a lot of other things. Learn the skills of dating and don't sweat picking up chicks (or guys) - Concentrate on your weaknesses. Make them stronger. When you get to your 30s you can work from your strengths, but there has to be some time in your life to work on shit you suck at, and for me it was when I had the most motivation, my 20s. - Speaking of which, you have to learn management. No matter what you do, there will be a manager. Even if you don't want to be one, you have to understand what the job is like to help out your manager. Being a good leader means being a good servant. This concept sounded easy (or facile) to me in my 20s, but proved hard to apply in practice. - You are never ready for kids. Have them early while you have energy. Read all the books about kids if you must, but realize that creating a replacement is about the most biologically easy thing you could do. After all, evolution has been working on making you a great gene transferral and primate-raising machine, so don't get paranoid and neurotic about all the latest parenting fashion. Use some sense. - Everybody wants to be a rock star and win the lottery. Nobody ever does, and the ones that do end up destroying their life. Realize slow success is a million times better than overnight success. - Much of the stuff in life that normal people do is geared around killing time by distracting you with shiny things of no value. You may never be able to fight this completely, but you should at least deeply understand it and how it affects your goals - Create. With a passion. There are two major kinds of people in this world, consumers and creators. The herd will push you to consume, life will push you to consume, consumption is the easy and default path, but true joy and a full life come from creating. It does not matter one bit how many people like what you create, just create. Write. Blog. Make videos. Make a movie. Write a program. The longer the format and the more creativity involved, the more you are going to turn on and exercise key parts of your brain. Nobody wants to be 80 and only have stories of being at the office, but fuck, if you were at the office creating something at least you tried to make a difference. I'd rather be that guy than the one who watched Sumo wrestling everyday (or played 20,000 hours of WoW during his 20s) The only thing you're going to have at the end of your life are the decisions you made, the things you created, and memories. Learn to maximize these things.
• edanm 16y ago
  One of the most inspiring lectures in history, filled with life lessons, is Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo Watch it. Many times.
• donw 16y ago
  One: Have fun. You have one life, and only one chance to enjoy it. If you waste your time on anger, or hate, or self-pity, you'll wake up one day, old and bitter, and wonder when the world stopped being bright and shiny. Two: Keep it classy. People do some awful things to each other. Don't add to that misery. You don't, and shouldn't, have to love everybody, but don't go out of your way to be a dick. Three: Realize that it's never too late. You can't fix past mistakes. You can fix future ones. If you regret doing, or not doing, something, then use that as a template for how you want to live from now on.
• doug_m 16y ago
  As someone just about to see my twenties consigned to history here you go: * There is plenty of time to try a few things out and not feel like your doing anything wrong. I went from school to university and threw myself into a career and it brings you financial advantages which, I suppose, may compound in future life but looking around my peers nobody regrets the year travelling or the year working a couple of jobs that were never a career (teaching abroad?). * I think most people would say its sensible to start early with savings/pensions and personally I have but, you know what, balance is as important. * People do nice things for people they like. This, in my experience, has extended to pay rises and favours in work so I try to work for people who like me even if that involves playing a game. Another place I apply this is I'll only contradict or criticise someone at work is if they ask my opinion and even then only in the right setting. * Finally, basically I wish I hadn't worried about stuff so much. Property prices, interest rates, fillings in my teeth, projects running over etc. At 29 I think I worry about 2% of what I did at 21.
  • nostromo 16y ago
    > People do nice things for people they like. So true. As a manager, I go the extra mile to keep employees I like. > I wish I hadn't worried about ... fillings in my teeth So wrong! If your teeth are fucked up, your life will suffer. Get a grade-A dentist and see him or her often. If you get fillings, go for Gold. It's crazy pricey, but they last for a very long time, don't decay, and won't fill up your mouth with mercury.
• garply 16y ago
  This is not an answer (as I am mid-twenties), but rather a related question: I have been told by many people more successful than I that I should always try to be friends with people older than I. How can I do this?
  • midnightmonster 16y ago
    I don't consider myself to have a lot of friends, but I'm 28 and virtually everyone I do spend time with is older than me. I got married and had kids young, so married and parenting peers are all older. I own my own web development/consulting business, so my clients and business peers are all older than me. My path works well if you started on it several years ago. If you need a short cut, find any adult fraternal organization to join. Religious and/or service-oriented will probably be most effective. For me it would be the Knights of Columbus or Rotarians, to give a couple examples. I don't know where you are or what exists there, but they can be a great way to meet older people in the parallel- or team-work for a larger cause context that gives people the opportunity to form friendships. Also, among the reasons older people are useful besides connections is so that you can learn from their wisdom or lack of wisdom. (It can be useful to keep a list for yourself of traits you want to root out and avoid so you don't become that guy 20 years from now.) Usually you can do this learning by active observation on your part, but sometimes people will feel compelled to teach you explicitly. God knows I'm no expert at social graces, but most of the time you probably have to let that ride, and strongly consider the possibility that you deserved it. If you're sure you didn't, try to understand why they thought you did.
  • silverlake 16y ago
    It's usually just acquaintances from work or an organization.
• ahoyhere 16y ago
  Don't compromise in order to get attention, things, connections, or money. Not only can everyone else tell (at least subconsciously) when you're faking it, but you will feel miserable. That's not to say you shouldn't endeavor to be polite and respectful to everyone -- or that the world should accept you just as you are. (That's a knee-jerk, chip-on-the-shoulder reaction to be unwilling - afraid - to change.) But it does mean that if you fake being friends with someone just to get something - if you fake being interested in a business because you just want the money - if you fake being passionate about a topic because you want the rewards... You'll feel hollow inside, and miserable, and end up hating yourself, whether your plan "works" or not.
• ju2tin 16y ago
  I'd like to add something I haven't seen posted yet: Your body may not last as long as you think it will, at least not in top condition. I'm 37 and I've had lower back pain due to a herniated disc for 2 years now. There's no easy fix for it. I can get around and enjoy life, but some of the extreme physical activities I used to like (example: freestyle/backcountry snowboarding) are pretty much off the menu. I'm glad I did them a lot when I was younger. So I guess what I'm saying is, don't think you can just work a lot when you're younger and do whatever you want when you're older. Nature may limit your options. Make sure you do the things you like to do when your body is strong and healthy enough to handle them. On that note, take good care of your back. You can heal a broken arm or leg, but you can't heal a herniated disc. You only get one back. Bend from the knees, sit up straight, use ergonomic furniture, and don't walk around with 200-pound backpacks.
• davidwparker 16y ago
  Avoid debt, Save money, Give generously, Live frugally. If you have debt already, then pay it off as fast as possible. Go crazy to pay it off- rice and beans, beans and rice. When you're done paying off debt, then save vigorously (before paying off debt, make sure you have ~$1000 in the bank for an emergency). But if you have no car payment, no school debt, etc, then you can save soooo much money. When you've saved a lot of money, then you can give a lot of money. Be generous. Find an issue or something that you really believe in and give. When giving with a grateful heart, you will be really happy. Finally, just live frugally. You don't always need the latest and greatest tech, or whatever is the cool new gadget or car, etc. Enjoy what you have.
  • GFischer 16y ago
    I'm going to emphasize what david and many others said: Avoid debt whenever possible. Being in debt feels like slavery (for example, I can't quit my job or get some unpaid vacations because I'm in debt). Not to mention there can be some unforeseen catastrophes: a former coworker had her money frozen during the bank crash of 2002 (in Uruguay and Argentina), and had her credit card maxed out. She became almost homeless and now swore off credit. Savings work in reverse: they allow you freedom - to take time off, to start your own company or even to indulge. Being generous also feels good. And lastly, the advice about stuff vs experiences posted here and higher in the thread is very good as well. A disclaimer: I don't believe in being a luddite, and there are things I value A LOT - for example, having my own car after not having a car for 28 years - but the marginal improvement from an old clunker to a newer car is nowhere near as no car vs any car, and the same happens for Iphone 3 vs Iphone 4 or whatever - I'm not advocating having no cellphone or car or whatever, only that the difference between brand A and brand X where the price is substantially higher is probably not worth it except as an indulgence.
• edw519 16y ago
  Find a customer first. This is the biggest mistake I made in my twenties, and it's such an easy mistake to make that I continue to make it now even though I know better. I continually have ideas popping into my head. And I act on many of them. So much cool stuff. If only I can get this working, it will change the world. And I love being in this mode; it's so much fun. And it can lead to great things... But you have to know when you're going too far and wasting time, money, and energy. At some point, you have to find a customer. Any kind of customer, just someone besides yourself who wants what you're doing. When I have had partners, they forced me into this thinking, directing our energy to where the demand was. This always worked out well. When I worked alone, well let's just say there's tons of cool stuff still on the drawing board that led nowhere. Don't let that happen to you. I'm not saying to suppress your creativity or experimentation. I'm just saying the point you need to find a customer is much earlier than the hacker mindset intuitively expects. It there was one thing I could change in my twenties, it would be to adopt this thinking.
• cianestro 16y ago
  Just remember you'll be dead all too soon and let life flow accordingly.
• xutopia 16y ago
  7 out of the 10 richest people in the world are dropouts. Women love sex but you have to look like the one who wants it more. Ask for more money or for sex and once in a while you'll get what you want. Don't spend your time racing towards more money once you are comfortable financially. It will not make you happier. Travel to open your horizons. If possible work overseas for at least a year. This is the best way to learn about life. Try anything twice. Some apprehensions about food (amongst other things) are learned. You might think you don't like some food or activity but try it twice and you might find out what you like.
• Xurinos 16y ago
  Naivetes over time: In my 20s... I thought I knew what I was doing and was ready to take on the world with my fresh expertise. In my 30s... I thought I knew what I was doing and was ready to take on the world with my fresh expertise. In my 40s... I thought I knew what I was doing and was ready to take on the world with my fresh expertise. ... You will always be a child. Whatever your age, you will think you know better, and you do not. You may know much about certain fields, but that does not qualify you for other fields. Having a child does not make you an expert on children. Being able to program a computer does not make you an expert on computers or computer programming. There is no top tier, no limit to knowledge that provides you a comfortable mountain peak to sit upon. Do not accept limitations. Do not believe the limitations other people conjure. Experiment, even in the face of rejection, and you may learn something new and unrelated to your original experiment, or you may prove the know-it-alls wrong. Being right is as useless in the social world as having ideas. Both are mental drugs. Everything I said is both useful and useless. Maybe I can sum it up as, "Approach life with humility." I fail at this. Good luck!
• francoisdevlin 16y ago
  Learn to fight for something bigger than yourself, and do it for those that aren't capable.
• dedward 16y ago
  Lots of good advice from others... I'll try not to repeat: 0) Regardless of what anyone says - you get one life, and one journey - and the path you take is your own - there is no right or wrong one that anyone can decide for you. It's subjective, and up to you to do what's right for you - which could be anything from being the next Ghandi to being the next Hitler. 1) No matter how much you ask this (good for you) you're still going to be the age you are and make mistakes. Mistakes are how you learn - and that's okay. 2) Don't leave everything for the future. live in the here and now, and cultivate a lifestyle that takes care of your future as well as letting you enjoy life now. 3) Avoid debt at all costs - even when all your peers, even the whole of society seems to think it's "okay" to spend money you have and pay it back later. 4) Avoid investments unless you really understand them - there is nothing fundamentally wrong with cash in the bank. (Despite all the peer pressure to invest over the years, I've been disappointed by almost every single investment I've made, and I've been quite happy at my choices to keep cash - especially when markets crash and things go bad. That cash has kept me worry-free and happy far more than any investment.) (Of course, I might be completely wrong.. but you asked.) 5) As soon as you have an income, make sure you are saving something every paycheck - build up a cushion and keep building it up indefinitely. You should very quickly not care when payday is. IT may seem like a burden at first, but it will very quickly become a source of relief and enjoyment in life - and it keeps you open to far more opportunities. 6) Happiness is something you cultivate internally and is completely up to you - it is not based on ANY external factors unless YOU let it be. Cultivate happiness in your life. 7) Drugs are bad. Some aren't as bad as the media makes things out to be when you grew up, but they're still bad compared to not doing them. (this includes drinking and even caffeine. I'm not saying don't do them - I'm just saying, after a good chunk of your life has passed, someone I met once told me he wished he hadn't done all the substances he had done, and they weren't even what you'd consider bad, and he is still relatively healthy and quite successful.) 8) Variety is good. 9) Sleep is important. 10) Food and diet and exercise are important. 11) You sort of start going downhill around 30 (You notice changes in your body and mind - you realize you aren't going to live forever. The better you take care of yourself before this point (and after of course) the better you'll feel. Health breeds happiness. Don't wreck your health early - you may not even realize you are doing it. Save some of it for when you are older and can afford to blow some more brain cells on enjoyment - otherwise you may not be able to. 12) Never feel stuck - life is full of opportunity and happiness, and the world is a beautiful place. If you wake up and find you don't see it that way, figure out why and do something about it. It's the DOING that's important.
• brosephius 16y ago
  - one of the keys to success is being likable. skills/talent alone won't carry you to the top. they can take you far, but if you want to be a star, you gotta know how to hustle. i.e., networking, getting your name/face out there, being likable. if, like many on HN, you want to be an entrepreneur, never stop selling yourself. - never, ever put off pursuing things that interest you, because if you get in this habit you'll find years fly by where you did nothing but work and watch tv. and on the same token, never ever let regret about your past decisions hinder you from making the right ones going forward. - never feel superior because you're younger. yes, society is biased when it comes to age, but focusing on your age as if you're some sort of wunderkind is immature and a huge turnoff.
  • lsc 16y ago
    > - one of the keys to success is being likable. skills/talent alone won't carry you to the top. they can take you far, but if you want to be a star, you gotta know how to hustle. i.e., networking, getting your name/face out there, being likable. if, like many on HN, you want to be an entrepreneur, never stop selling yourself. My experience has been that this has little to do with being likable. In my experience, most less-technical people prefer confident behavior. Behavior that I (and many technical people) would characterize as arrogant. If I was advising a younger self, I'd point out that self-aggrandizement, to a certain degree, is acceptable and even good. I seemed to figure it out on my own, though. but, uh, yeah. being confident enough to promote yourself, on the balance, seems to be more important than not being an asshole. (now, if you can promote yourself without being an asshole, that's even better. I'm just saying, if you have to make a choice, it seems that being a self-aggrandizing asshole seems to be better than being quiet and shy, I mean, as an Entrepreneur. As an Engineer, the equation is somewhat different.)
• Jun8 16y ago
  Thing is, you cannot cheat this way. I've found that mostly it's pretty useless to read valuable advice from from other people, you just have to live through it yourself. As Morpheus says "No one can be told what the Matrix is, you have to see for yourself".
• evilduck 16y ago
  Not to dismiss other people's advice, but the recurring theme in your post has been seeking approval from others, and now you're doing it here. Or...you're pandering to people's desire to talk about themselves.
• starkfist 16y ago
  The main things I learned: - don't smoke. total waste of health and money. - don't drink/hang out in bars. total waste of time and money - make an earnest attempt at becoming a professional BMX racer or late night talk show host or whatever your REAL childhood dream was before spending too much time programming the internet. - make a lot of friends - if a girl doesn't sleep with you after the 3rd date, don't call her back - always have about $30 grand in a bank account somewhere. this will give you the peace of mind to not feel pressured to stay in a job that you hate
• finin 16y ago
  I believed that I would always have hair.
• bootload 16y ago
  "... I only beseech your wisdom about what mistakes/naivetes I'll incur in my twenties, oh the elders of the Hacker News ..." - value life: that as bad as things may get never loose sight that the objective is to get old. [0] - time: doing a little, a lot adds up. So practice that "foo" or do that "bar" over a long period of time the repeated task adds up. Be generous in your time with others. Time is the ultimate gift. - be good: if you see something wrong fix it, something bad speak up as evil triumphs when seemingly good people do nothing. - work on something of value: don't waste your time on trivial crap of marginal value. Work on something that is/or will be valuable now or in the future. - learn perspective: laugh at your misfortune, cry at injustice and don't fret at things lost. - work hard: don't do things half-arsed. - have fun when doing: because it makes things a whole lot more interesting. - learn from mistakes: don't make the same ones twice. - evaluate: don't take things at face value, evaluate and adjust to your environment such as work, friends, values. - rest: learn that there is a time to work, a time to play and time to rest. "... I'd like to cheat in life and instead of learning my life lessons the hard way, I'd like to skip ahead and read the ending of the current chapter that I'm currently on ..." If you don't get burnt, how will you learn from these lessons? You really only learn from experience. [0] After catching up with some mates last week I was amazed at the number of (male) mates who killed themselves in there 20's for what at the time seemed important but in hindsight trivial.
• raphar 16y ago
  From my personal experience: - No one knows shit about they are talking about (As a corollary of life's too complex for the human mind. Or the fact that there are plenty of black swans) You may be THE expert on whatever subject.... and you'll never know all your variables. It's imposible to always be right. It's useless to pretend so (unless you are selling something). Examples??? you'll find them in the news all the time. Subprime crisis, BP spills, etc Do not believe what you are told. Take it as OPINIONS. And decide from that.
• ivankirigin 16y ago
  Everything was really easy for me, all through undergrad. I think it hurt my diligence in studying. Because I remembered everything in lectures, I aced tests without reading a lot of the content. I feel like that hurt my depth of knowledge in areas. I wish I had been told that skill is entirely learned and nothing innate. I thought I was naturally talented, but now I attribute it mainly to the curiosity parents instilled in me.
  • ljlolel 16y ago
    +1, same thing happened to me. Only this past semester when I took 8 classes did I realize the value of diligence. By the way, hope Facebook is going well Ivan!
• startuprules 16y ago
  - Try not to get married until after you're 30. By the your libido will have waned a bit, and you will have a clearer head and greater experience to see what kind of person you'd like to spend your life with - Try not to have a kid until after you're 30. A kid cannot raise another kid - Try everything. That way you get to know what you like/hate. - Find something you're passionate about, and learn everything about it. - Don't incur huge debts in your prime. Do not buy (car/house/woman/kid/plane/boat/land/friend) with credit. - Use your money for experiences. Those you'll remember and cherish. - Learn macroeconomics/history. You'll learn why the housing bubble occured, why we're in a great depression, and how China will become the next empire. Invest properly based on those learnings.
  • mmacaulay 16y ago
    As someone who just recently bought his first house, it seems unrealistic to have saved up that entire amount within any kind of reasonable timeframe. Obviously, you should buy a house (and other things) that is within your means, which is more what the housing bubble was all about IMO. But I do agree with your general premise.
• dminor 16y ago
  Those stock options in the startup where you work aren't worth much, if anything. The experience is very valuable though.
• silverlake 16y ago
  People aren't rational. Learning about behavioral economics and Kahneman's list of cognitive failures in the early 90s (before the current boom) made me analyze my thinking and others more carefully. As someone else said, most smart people aren't really that smart. They are brilliant at rationalizing their impulsive conclusions. Where I once obsessed about what others thought of my ideas, now I can scavenge their arguments for a few morsels of good advice. Also, stop being embarrassed about stuff. No one is looking at your zit or stained shirt or messy hair. It's called the spotlight effect: we think people are noticing the things we are self-conscious about. Everyone is too busy worrying about their own self-image.
• pheon 16y ago
  in addition to the some excellent comments 1) you live in your own personal reality. what you see/understand/think/etc others cant and what others can you dont. when you get this, it completely changes your perspective on communication. 2) readup and learn to identify the different general personality types. and understand how they view the world 3) you dont need permission from anyone. not your mom, your boss, your friends/peers/gf/spose etc. if you want to start a company, JFD. want to travel JFD. want to change jobs JFD. life is too short so beg for forgiveness. 4) dont seek out approval. meaning dont please your friends/peers/gf/spose/boss/clients to get a pat on the head. dosent mean be an asshole and dosent mean do do nice things for people. i means dont do things to seek their approval
• cmos 16y ago
  - Go with your gut reaction - that's all you have right now, until you build up experience. But listen to that small voice that says 'hey, this isn't right' and don't let people talk you out of it, even when you don't have a logical argument to pose to them. - Be the person who helps old people, who holds the door for everyone, who goes out of your way to help people. There is nothing sweeter than improving the quality of someone's life. - Money means nothing. Don't loan money to people - just give it to them if they need it more than you. - Be very very careful about the implications of raising money for a startup. Taking investment means you are beholden to your investors to create a return. So if the company you are starting is your dream, your life, your everything be so aware that you are indeed selling this dream and you are no longer the master of it. - Always be the better person. Time and time again people will crap upon you, and how you react is truly a measure of what kind of person you are, and how people will judge you. Don't complain, don't whine. Forgive and forget. Surprise people with your compassion and always help your 'enemies' be better people, even if they are making your life miserable. - killer meal to cook for that special someone (if your not an amazing cook): get a couple fillet's of white fish + put a ton of lemon pepper on them + throw them in the oven until they break up easily. Steam broccoli or asparagus. - Floss daily. - Look around and choose which friends you will have in 10 years. Those are the relationships to foster. A good friend means you can go years without talking, then pick up right where you left off. - Be comfortable being alone. Love being alone. If you truly believe you are amazing, other people will too. Charm will get you further than you can imagine. - Always tip well.
• mindcrime 16y ago
  I only beseech your wisdom about what mistakes/naivetes I'll incur in my twenties Strangely enough, a lot of the things you look back on as being "silly" from high-school, really aren't. From a certain point of view. You can only truly live in "the now" and what seems important right now, really is what's important right now. Not to sound fatalistic, but we're not guaranteed anything, not even to wake up tomorrow. That said, probably the biggest thing I look back on my twenties and think "I was wrong about this" about is this: When I was in my twenties, I had no conception of just how short life is, and how quickly some opportunities can vanish. So I was too patient. I believed "patience is a virtue" (and in some ways it is) but I was probably too patient, too willing to take my time and "wait for things to develop." In retrospect, there are times when being more aggressive and forcing the issue is called for. Like Bon Jovi sang: Luck, it ain't enough, you gotta make your own breaks. It's my life. It's now or never. I ain't going to live forever. I just want to live while I'm alive ... Sometimes you really have to say "fuck it, I'm making this shit happen and I ain't waiting." The kicker is, there are still times when patience IS a virtue. The tough part is telling the difference. So if I had any advice for 20-something, it would be to think long and hard about situations and opportunities, do some "scenario analysis" and really consider when it's necessary to go balls out and go for broke and be aggressive. I wish I could say there's an easy way to tell the difference, but even now at 37, I still don't know for sure. But at least be aware... You can't always just wait, wait, wait.
• jseliger 16y ago
  I am in my twenties. That being said, I would answer your question in book form -- that is, books that changed the way I do things and view the world and that I wish I'd read when I was younger: 1. <em>Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience</em> by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi 2. <em>The Guide to Getting It On</em> by Paul Johannides [sp?] 3. <em>The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature</em> by Geoffrey Miller 4. <em>Hackers & Painters</em> by Paul Graham 5. <em>Man's Search for Meaning</em> by Viktor Frankl 6. <em>Stumbling on Happiness</em> by Daniel Gilbert 7. <em>The Time Paradox</em> by Philip Zimbardo. That last one is particularly important: it points out that, once you've reached a comfortable but, for a highly educated person, relatively low level of income (around ~$40K for an individual), additional income increases do not matter for very for overall happiness. What does? Friends, family, your sex life, meaningful work. What doesn't help for happiness? TV. See the journal article "Does watching TV make us happy?" by Bruno S. Frey, Christine Benesch, and Alois Stutzer for more on the answer: "no."
• deleted 16y ago
  [deleted]
• MrFoof 16y ago
  Optimize life for your personal enjoyment. * Live as close as possible to work and a grocery store This eliminates commute costs and time. Alternatively you can walk to work/market, which gives you some exercise. * Minimize spending on stuff you don't need or enjoy. * Minimize foundation costs as much as possible - transport, food, medicine, shelter. This is hard to do without major sacrifices, but can be done. * Minimize time spent on stuff you don't enjoy. For example, you don't need to clean a smaller, less cluttered space as often. You can eliminate the stress/time of commute by living closer to everything. The idea is to eliminate as many stresses and time wasters as possible, maximizing the amount of free time you have. This gives you time for projects you care about, or just slacking off. If you have too much free time, most of the world will envy your problem. I have found it is, without question, the best quality of life increase possible.
• SkyMarshal 16y ago
  The only things worth spending money on are knowledge (eg, books), experiences (travel, etc.), and relationships. Most things, at least beyond what's needed for utility (computer, shelter, reliable car if you're not in a city with good transit) are ultimately an unfulfilling waste of money.
• WalterBright 16y ago
  Floss your teeth. Every day. Your older self will thank you.
  • infinite8s 16y ago
    Agreed. There are a lot of minor defects you can hide when you get older, but bad teeth is not one of them. And getting them fixed costs a lot of money!!
• richieb 16y ago
  Here are my rules: 1. Don't worry, be happy. 2. If you don't use it, you loose it. 3. Take some chances ....richie
• mortenjorck 16y ago
  At 27, there is one thing I've learned that would have been quite helpful at 22: "I'm not ready for that yet" is the magic word for a lifestyle of stagnation and missed opportunities. You're right! You're not ready, but the thing is, you never will be unless you just do it.
• damoncali 16y ago
  -You ARE ready. Don't worry that it doesn't feel like it. -"Long Term" is shorter than you think. -Follow YOUR interests, not someone else's. -Make sure you get the paperwork right. -Money doesn't make people happy. It just makes some problems go away. Don't confuse one for the other. -Listen to the "grey hairs", but don't just blindly follow them. -When it seems like everyone else is being stupid, you might be right. But you're probably wrong. -Never count on being smarter than everyone else. You're not. -Luck is a handy substitute for knowledge. But you have to purposefully acquire either.
• grandalf 16y ago
  a few thoughts: - don't be intimidated by people who are a few years older and a lot cockier. - don't worry about having a job / making money. Just get by and build the skills you want. Take risks. Money is easy enough to earn and should not be the primary concern at first. - Avoid financial over-extension. No credit cards, avoid loans, etc. - 30 is the new 20. Seriously. - This sounds cliche, but "ship lots of stuff". Iterate. - When you meet cool/talented people, collaborate on a small project to get an idea of how strong they are. The real stars will jump out at you. - Find an obsession and seriously try to live it for at least 2 years. Doing that gets harder and harder the older you get.
• JoeAltmaier 16y ago
  I used to think I could sum up life in a blog post.
• JoeAltmaier 16y ago
  Don't cry over anything that can't cry over you.
• dnsworks 16y ago
  - You owe nothing to your employer. - If you give more than 2 weeks notice, you are sucker - Your employer will not be loyal to you - All healthy public companies gross a minimum of $200k per employee. This means you should NEVER feel guilty about insisting on the salary that you feel you deserve. - Working for other people SUCKS - If your closest friend is a woman, and you want to date her best friend, ask her first. Just do it, life will be easier. - Confidence is more important than any other skill. - Learn an alcohol, Wine or Whisky, and become fluent enough in it to fill those awkward gaps at networking events. (Warning, you'll take sides, and if you go whisky, the wine people will annoy the hell out of you with their pageantry.)
• doron 16y ago
  Travel as much as you can, in your country and abroad. Learn to appreciate other cultures, experience deserts, jungles, frost and balmy beaches. Try to learn at least one other language, just enough to get you by. Try to live in different places. Major cities, small towns, every environment will teach you something. Learn to appreciate the arts. Avoid cynicism as much as you can, it is often a mask for inexperience, apathy, and fear. Enjoy a good argument that challenges your assumptions, be prepared to change your opinions when faced with new facts, do not seek information just from the sources that feel compatible to you, cultivate media literacy.
• postfuturist 16y ago
  Avoid religions or any kind of dogmatic systems. I wasted most of my 20's as a fervent, fundamentalist Christian. I don't have many regrets, but the ones I do have are a result of that. Develop your own moral sense, don't let anyone dictate that to you. Keep an open, critical mind. Whatever you take as absolute, unquestioned truth will cage you.
• enf 16y ago
  Things will start going wrong with your body in your late 30s. I wasn't expecting to be immortal, but I was expecting it to happen a bit later than that. Don't ever move from a place that you like to a place that you don't, because circumstances will change and you will find yourself stuck there.
• frankus 16y ago
  I'll be 35 in like a week, but a few weeks ago I had a realization that has allowed me to make a lot more sense out of things: There is metaphysical loneliness ("What is my purpose in life?"), and romantic/sexual loneliness ("I wish I had someone to share this with"), and and they both suck and they feel kind of similar, but don't expect one thing to fix both problems.
• runjake 16y ago
  37, here. One of my <=20s naiveties: - That the old saying "you can do anything" is hogwash. It gets parroted by your teachers and parents without a thought, but it's totally true. It comes down to how bad you want it and what you're willing to sacrifice.
• projectileboy 16y ago
  - Define and prioritize your values. Most people never do this, at any age, and that's too bad, it helps you make and live with hard decisions. - Read something, write something, and build something, every day. - It all comes down to an old Arab proverb: Take what you want and pay for it.
• skotzko 16y ago
  Love this thread, esp. as I'm in my 20s and directly benefit from it. Biggest lessons that I've learned so far and would offer up are the importance of VISION, FOCUS, and PERSEVERANCE. I offer these as someone who is directly engaged in the struggle of walking my own path. I am by no means perfect or even close to achieving all 3 of these points 100% of the time, but these are the 3 that help me keep going. I hope this is helpful to you. 1) VISION: You must figure out who you really are and what you want to be, and then be it with everything you've got. Most people you meet will have a set notion of you that may not align with your vision of yourself. Don't follow their vision. Find and follow your own. Further, a lot of our 20s peers are doing "what they're supposed to do" because they haven't put in the emotional labor to figure out "what they want to do" and "who they want to be." As a result, they spend money and time on things that don't matter and have no meaning. Don't be that guy. Figure out who you want to be and what you really care about. Then act accordingly. I'd suggest literally writing out your vision. You will need it clearly articulated and stored somewhere so that you can revisit it when you feel like shit later on. There will be stretches of time where you think "why the hell am I doing this, again?" You need to be able to revisit your vision and re-inspire yourself with your own answer. More on this in #3. 2) FOCUS: Ignore the haters and avoid the losers. Be ruthless about how you spend your time. -Haters: Once you figure out #1, a lot of your acquaintances who are doing "what they're supposed to be doing" and were nice, become trolls. Your inner security, vision, and that you have the balls to go for it will highlight their lack thereof. Don't listen, don't react, just get back to work on your vision. -Losers: the people you spend time around affect your thoughts, decisions, and actions. Don't hang out with people who are negative, unsupportive, or are just plain losers. They will bring you down and eventually, you will end up resenting them for doing so and yourself for letting it happen. -Time: Time is the most valuable asset we have in our 20s, along with energy. Consciously choose what you spend time on, and who you spend time with. Don't spend time doing shit that doesn't matter or that you hate. Don't spend time around haters/losers. Whatever it takes, cultivate and maintain a personal network of supportive, positive, happy people. Doing so will make it orders of magnitude more likely you will be supportive, supported, positive, and happy. We are deeply affected by the people we spend time with. 3) PERSEVERANCE: No one said it would be easy to follow through on your vision. Once you've got it (#1), and are able to start focusing in on it (#2), JUST. KEEP. GOING. You will get knocked down. You will fail at times along the way. You will feel like shit sometimes. When this happens, go revisit your vision, your "why" (from #1), and put fuel back in your tank. Then... Just. Keep. Going. Again, I'm not "there" yet but these 3 things are what help me keep going and give me confidence that I will make it. Best of luck to you on the journey -- and please, enjoy the ride!