7 ms·

Are dating websites past their prime?

59 points by mattrjacobs 16y ago

andrewvc 16y ago
This article asks some interesting questions, but provides few numbers. The big question isn't "are paid dating sites dying". I think the answer is clearly yes, but quite slowly. The real question is about free sites like okcupid.com and plentyoffish.com , sadly, they have no numbers about these sites.
ca98am79 16y ago
I strongly recommend okcupid.com. In my opinion it is the best dating site, especially for hackers - they even let you A/B test your photos. I'm a complete introvert/nerd and I've used their site with a lot of success. It is by far the best overall user experience out of all of the various dating sites - and it's free. Their blog is great, too: http://blog.okcupid.com http://blog.okcupid.com
- deleted 16y ago
  [deleted]
- 9oliYQjP 16y ago
  I have a date lined up from OKCupid. One word of caution, but this goes for online dating in general. It's taken me 6 months to land a first date. In real life (err I guess offline) it's easier for me to land a date than it is online. So, I suggest using online dating to augment finding dates offline in a more traditional sense. It is far easier for people to be picky online than it is offline.
  - _pius 16y ago
    It's taken me 6 months to land a first date. What do you mean by that exactly? Are you saying you've been talking to one person for 6 months before the person decided to meet you for a date? Or are you saying that you've simply been on the site for 6 months before connecting with someone for a first date? If it's the former, you're doing it wrong. If it's the latter, you may need to do some additional work on your profile. There's a dramatic difference in the success of good profiles versus just "ok" ones.
    - 9oliYQjP 16y ago
      Or are you saying that you've simply been on the site for 6 months before connecting with someone for a first date? this. I've been sending out a lot of messages. I get replies quite often. I had two girls setup dates with me and we had exchanged phone numbers and SMSes. But the dates never happened and I lost interest. I had one old female friend reconnect with me and we went out, but that doesn't really count. The girl I'm going on a date with tomorrow I've been talking to for less than a week. Unless G20 turns into a convenient excuse to bail on the date, it'll be my first one through OKCupid. Girls tell me I have a good profile. It's funny and I have good photos. I had a really crappy profile at first and definitely had to revamp it. But honestly, I found that photos make the biggest difference. I might be doing it wrong. I have pretty high standards looks wise. I know... shoot me. So often I'm doing the rejecting/ignoring of messages. I live in a big city but I also go to a gym which has a lot of really attractive girls. I would say most of the girls on OKCupid in my area are a little less physically attractive, and are no better/worse in the personality department than ones I meet through traditional offline methods.
  - sangaya 16y ago
    I also used OKCupid to augment my offline dating attempts. While the offline approach landed several more dates with a wider variety of women, the online approach landed me with my current Fiance. We've been together 4 years now and are getting married early next year. YMMV, but it worked for me :)
  - warpwoof 16y ago
    I'm not trying to be harsh, but you're doing it wrong. I'm not particularly gifted in the looks department, but I can get about 1 date a week. How? Testing and speed. Here are a few tips..this advice isn't really making any assumptions about you..it mostly is a result of mistakes I've made and have seen other guys make. Testing: -Photos: ask friends to help pick the best ones, take some new ones, use OKCupid's photo-testing service, etc. -Profile: I probably went through 5 complete rewrites, followed by a lot of constant tweaking. I think the biggest mistake most guys make is being way too serious in their profile. You've really got to keep it light and playful. Sure, be authentic and show who you are, but wait until after a few dates before getting all deep. Just have fun. -Messages: Play around with the type of message you sent. Try some serious, try some playful, try some ridiculous/absurd. You'll see what tends to work more. I'm assuming you're doing more than just saying "hey what's up," that will just get you ignored. Speed: Don't write long messages implying you think you two are soulmates. The worst thing you can do is get hung up on hoping this one person with a great profile will reply. Getting into this kind of pattern will make you think way too hard about what to write to them for your first message. Look for interesting profiles, write a quick message, move on. You've got to get a good volume of messages out there, don't spend too much time on a particular profile. EDIT: Forgot to mention one more thing, take it offline as soon as possible. Don't let the messages drag on..if someone replies to me I usually ask to meet up for a drink in the 2nd message I send.
    - Volscio 16y ago
      Always Be Closing
    - 9oliYQjP 16y ago
      Or, I might just be incredibly picky. See my reply here http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1466098 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1466098. I guess that brings up another point. Some people might not have found someone offline because they're just picky. So don't presume that people "lower their standards" when they date online. I have 16 conversations dating back to May in my inbox. Let me know if that's par for the course. The problem is, of these 16, 8 were girls that initiated contact with me and that I didn't find very attractive. Of the remaining 8, I had a date lined up with 1 that fell through, and a date currently lined up with another. EDIT: Another stat. I sent out 39 messages from May until now. Of the 39 messages, 8 got replies. So that's about 1 in 5.
  - kadavy 16y ago
    There's no reason it should take you 6 months to find a date online (though you are using OKCupid, which tends to attract emotionally unavailable women, IMO). I don't want to write too much, because it's all pretty much been written. PROFILE: be funny, but most importantly, end with a "call to action": http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/how-to-write-an-online-dating-profile/ http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/how-to-write-an-online... FIRST MESSAGE: keep it short. It's called "the one-line hook" http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/match-messages/ http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/match-messages/ CLOSING THE DATE: make very specific suggestions, pick a place in her neighborhood http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/how-to-get-a-date-online/ http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/how-to-get-a-date-onli...
    - tome 16y ago
      OKCupid [...] tends to attract emotionally unavailable women, IMO I find this interesting. Could you please say more about it?
      - kadavy 16y ago
        Sure thing. There are many members on OKCupid who are "just there to take the quizzes." Something about the way the site is set up just makes you want to fill your profile with sarcasm and snark - both of which you'll see a lot of in OKCupid profiles. I'm drawing a parallel between sarcasm and snark and emotionally unavailability because lack of sincerity doesn't seem to me to be a healthy trait of someone you're just getting to know. I'm just speaking from experience on this last observation. It would be interesting to scientifically break it down: how much sarcasm and "angled" emo-esque profile photos you see in OKCupid vs. Match.com. Additionally, OKCupid is a free site. In my experience, people who pay for their online dating are more serious about actually going on dates.
  - billpaetzke 16y ago
    Dude, I signed up three weeks ago. And I've already gone out with three smart, hot girls. And I have several more smart, hot girls in queue for the next few weeks. I am on CLOUD NINE! Cloud 9, I tell you! OKCupid rocks. Many girls on there are smart and hot and like nerdy guys (aka us here on HN). Right now, I'm using it to figure out what I want in a woman. I have a rough idea. But going on lots of dates with several women over a short period of time should give me a better idea. And hey, maybe one of them will turn out to be "the one." I have no expectations though. Just taking it day by day. (FYI--I'm 26/m and live in Los Angeles) I can consult you on your OKCupid profile & messages. $100/hr =P
- alttab 16y ago
  I took the recommendation for OKCupid from a hacker friend I have in Palo Alto (I'm in Austin), and I met the woman of my dreams. This was over a year and a half ago. We are engaged, and we close on our first house on Friday. OKCupid was great, I met my girl within the first 2 weeks, and we couldn't be happier. I've tried numerous other sites both paid and free and didn't like the mix of those on there as much as OKCupid.
Volscio 16y ago
Speaking as someone who just recently started using match.com (after the end of a string of long relationships), it seems to me that: 1) dating sites are the perfect example of the benefit of pseudonymity for allowing people to choose how much to reveal about themselves while still being attractive 2) dating sites rely on geographical favorability. I live in DC so as a single guy it works EXTREMELY well. But I hear it's not as great for DC women. But DC is known for having far more highly-educated single women than any other city. But would a dating site work as well in smaller communities where people marry out of high school and generally keep their social circle their whole lives? Is NYC too much of a social cauldron for dating sites to work? 3) Facebook hook-ups seem to work mostly if you are being hooked up with a friend of a friend, so the initial relationship is being built upon referral instead of semi-blind dates.
- psyklic 16y ago
  Regarding Facebook hook-ups -- I get a LOT of FB friend requests from people I haven't met who usually share a few mutual friends. This is how FB is used as a dating service, from my experience. Also, some people create profiles specifically made for dating, where they post some pictures of themselves and basic facts. Of course this is a cheap maneuver -- they want to see someone's complete profile, while the other person only gets to see a "fake" one.
- smokinn 16y ago
  I would be very wary of spending money on paid dating sites. There are just too many stories about fraud: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2493442.aspx http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2493442.aspx (Google will find you many more) okcupid and plentyoffish are much much better options. And Yahoo Personals and Match.com definitely aren't the only ones. I've heard of other paid dating sites doing the same. Of course these are only rumors which is why it never gets very far in court but it's enough for me to never want to spend my money on paid sites. The incentives to move into fraud in paid dating are very very strong.
  - jquery 16y ago
    Methinks the free sites doth protest too much. I've used Plentyoffish, Okcupid, and Match.com. Only Match.com was a fraud-free experience. Sure, a paywall induces a motivation for 1st-party fraud, but it drastically reduces the motivation for 3rd-party fraud. Someone who solves both will become a rich individual. For the record, I met my beautiful girlfriend of two years on Match, so count me as biased. :)
jey 16y ago
tl;dr: The boring old corporate behemoths aren't growing anymore, therefore online dating is dead. They might as well have written an article about how TV is dead because nobody buys tube TVs anymore. Match.com is an awful, awful user experience. It's a wonder that they're still able to fleece so much money out of people.
uast23 16y ago
It sounds contradictory, because I think dating sites are yet to reach their prime, let alone having past it already.
- dotcoma 16y ago
  are you talking about the current dating sites? really?
  - uast23 16y ago
    I mean anything.. current/old.. the sites which targetted "dating" in specific were never able to succeed, unless the social networking came into picture.I see "dating" and "social network" as 2 different things. How many people actually log in onto a dating site with a hope that they will actually get a genuine date!.I think the number is pretty less. Actually speaking "social netorking" sites generate more traction in the dating world than the actual "dating" sites.
    - sandipagr 16y ago
      "Actually speaking "social netorking" sites generate more traction in the dating world" I am not so sure about that. I don't really see people hooking up with friends of friends
georgieporgie 16y ago
If you haven't read the OKCupid's blog post, "Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating," I highly recommend doing so. If you're contemplating online dating, that is. http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/04/07/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating/ http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/04/07/why-you-should-... Interesting points: * "you are 12.4 times more likely to get married this year if you don't subscribe to Match.com" * the severe male/female imbalance ("sausage fest") leads to a "desperation feedback loop" where men spam more and more women, with fewer and fewer responses. In my opinion, with the rise in social networking platforms, dating sites are dead or dying - at least for 'mainstream' use. Even OKCupid, I think, will be pointless as people learn to leverage Facebook for dating.
- reader5000 16y ago
  Facebook is certainly useful in facilitating dating with people you have already met irl, but I dont see it used for generating dates with people you have not already met. Although I am curious if anybody has counter-experience on this :D
  - nostrademons 16y ago
    Yeah, the social mores on FaceBook seem to frown upon random contact with lots of strangers. It's good for maintaining relationships, not so good for starting them. I've noticed a bunch of friends either getting married or beginning serious LTRs after meeting online, though. They usually fall into two categories. 1. A set of mutual friends of them say "Hey, you two would be perfect for each other," introduce them, and then the relationship blooms through FaceBook or old-fashioned e-mail. 2. They're both participants at a "niche" online forum or social networking site, and then end up meeting in person eventually and take it from there. I think the latter situation is way, way underreported. We pay attention to the big social sites like FaceBook and Twitter and the big dating sites like eHarmony and Match, but there's an enormous long-tail of niche sites that toss up a website and a forum and build a community. You can find a fansite for virtually every celebrity, every TV show, every sport, many of the more popular books, and even niche professional interests like startups and programming language design. Many of these grow very close, tight-knit communities, and when those communities are of mixed gender, it's very common for some dating to occur. Heck, if HN weren't overwhelming male, I bet we'd see some Hacker News couples. There've already been a bunch of "Founder Dating" sites spun off from it.
skbohra 16y ago
wondering why would someone ever go to a dating website, seriously, can't imagine that in my wildest dream. And do people pay for it? Seems it is a thing for the past generation. We aren't convinced.
- jsz0 16y ago
  Think of it like a bar at closing time. Most of those people are not looking for true love -- they just want a casual hookup.
- kelnos 16y ago
  Apparently your wildest dreams aren't very wild.
pdx 16y ago
I married my ex-wife from eharmony. (thanks for the compatibility match guys!) I married my current wife, and the mother of my two children, using yahoo personals. I also dated using match.com In my opinion, dating sites are still extremely efficient ways of meeting people. I exclude eharmony, both from personal bias, and from the fact that they don't allow you to really search the database. After you leave college, real life meetings become much more complicated. The bar scene is a lottery. How likely is it that you'll actually coincide in time and space with somebody who you would be happy with, and then how likely is it that you'll even get to talk to them if they are there when you're there? Grocery stores and other non-traditional meeting places, I personally avoided bothering women in, assuming there should be some neutral ground where a woman might wish to be left alone. For me, I wanted college educated women who had opinions about politics and whose opinions I shared. I wanted women with no children, who lived within 50 miles of me and didn't smoke or do drugs, but who did drink socially, wanted children, had traveled the world some, and were not strongly religious. I wanted women who enjoyed outdoor sports such as scuba, skydiving, and rock climbing. I wanted women who didn't own small yap dogs. Can you imagine bumping into women like this randomly? But with a dating site, it became so much easier. I still went out on a lot of dates that were bad matches, but I definitely skewed my chances of finding somebody I could respect and have fun with by taking the random chance aspect out of the equation. EDIT: The article doesn't actually disagree with this. It's saying that paid dating sites will lose out to unpaid. I was responding to the HN title which derides all dating sites.
- perokreco 16y ago
  Your analysis excludes the fact that the sampling of people you meet is not uniform but biased according to what you do. The chances of meeting women who do outdoor sports is extremely high if you do them yourselves, you are more likely to meet a girl like you want in a bar than in a church, etc. My point is that bumping into a girl like that randomly is actually very high, as long as you don't spend your life only at home or at work.
  - rikthevik 16y ago
    I agree completely. If you love X (and it's a social activity), keep doing X and odds are pretty good you'll eventually meet someone you like. Worked for me.
Parabola 16y ago
I think the new thing will be social networking sites that facilitate "meetups" in small groups. "Hey who wants to go rafting down the Rio today!?" type things. That will naturally lead to people meeting one another and even better, facilitating new friendships, which seems even harder to do.
sandipagr 16y ago
I really didn't know dating sites were this successful...hmm time to jump in..off to make a profile :)
watt 16y ago
The analogy with peak oil is somewhat incorrect, because new people are being born (and enter dating scene subsequently) all the time. Dating sites will not run out of people. (As contrast, new oil is not being "made". Once it's all pumped dry, it's over.)

59 points by mattrjacobs 16y ago

This article asks some interesting questions, but provides few numbers. The big question isn't "are paid dating sites dying". I think the answer is clearly yes, but quite slowly. The real question is about free sites like okcupid.com and plentyoffish.com , sadly, they have no numbers about these sites.

ca98am79 16y ago

I strongly recommend okcupid.com. In my opinion it is the best dating site, especially for hackers - they even let you A/B test your photos. I'm a complete introvert/nerd and I've used their site with a lot of success. It is by far the best overall user experience out of all of the various dating sites - and it's free. Their blog is great, too: http://blog.okcupid.com http://blog.okcupid.com

deleted 16y ago
[deleted]
9oliYQjP 16y ago
I have a date lined up from OKCupid. One word of caution, but this goes for online dating in general. It's taken me 6 months to land a first date. In real life (err I guess offline) it's easier for me to land a date than it is online. So, I suggest using online dating to augment finding dates offline in a more traditional sense. It is far easier for people to be picky online than it is offline.
- _pius 16y ago
  It's taken me 6 months to land a first date. What do you mean by that exactly? Are you saying you've been talking to one person for 6 months before the person decided to meet you for a date? Or are you saying that you've simply been on the site for 6 months before connecting with someone for a first date? If it's the former, you're doing it wrong. If it's the latter, you may need to do some additional work on your profile. There's a dramatic difference in the success of good profiles versus just "ok" ones.
  - 9oliYQjP 16y ago
    Or are you saying that you've simply been on the site for 6 months before connecting with someone for a first date? this. I've been sending out a lot of messages. I get replies quite often. I had two girls setup dates with me and we had exchanged phone numbers and SMSes. But the dates never happened and I lost interest. I had one old female friend reconnect with me and we went out, but that doesn't really count. The girl I'm going on a date with tomorrow I've been talking to for less than a week. Unless G20 turns into a convenient excuse to bail on the date, it'll be my first one through OKCupid. Girls tell me I have a good profile. It's funny and I have good photos. I had a really crappy profile at first and definitely had to revamp it. But honestly, I found that photos make the biggest difference. I might be doing it wrong. I have pretty high standards looks wise. I know... shoot me. So often I'm doing the rejecting/ignoring of messages. I live in a big city but I also go to a gym which has a lot of really attractive girls. I would say most of the girls on OKCupid in my area are a little less physically attractive, and are no better/worse in the personality department than ones I meet through traditional offline methods.
- sangaya 16y ago
  I also used OKCupid to augment my offline dating attempts. While the offline approach landed several more dates with a wider variety of women, the online approach landed me with my current Fiance. We've been together 4 years now and are getting married early next year. YMMV, but it worked for me :)
- warpwoof 16y ago
  I'm not trying to be harsh, but you're doing it wrong. I'm not particularly gifted in the looks department, but I can get about 1 date a week. How? Testing and speed. Here are a few tips..this advice isn't really making any assumptions about you..it mostly is a result of mistakes I've made and have seen other guys make. Testing: -Photos: ask friends to help pick the best ones, take some new ones, use OKCupid's photo-testing service, etc. -Profile: I probably went through 5 complete rewrites, followed by a lot of constant tweaking. I think the biggest mistake most guys make is being way too serious in their profile. You've really got to keep it light and playful. Sure, be authentic and show who you are, but wait until after a few dates before getting all deep. Just have fun. -Messages: Play around with the type of message you sent. Try some serious, try some playful, try some ridiculous/absurd. You'll see what tends to work more. I'm assuming you're doing more than just saying "hey what's up," that will just get you ignored. Speed: Don't write long messages implying you think you two are soulmates. The worst thing you can do is get hung up on hoping this one person with a great profile will reply. Getting into this kind of pattern will make you think way too hard about what to write to them for your first message. Look for interesting profiles, write a quick message, move on. You've got to get a good volume of messages out there, don't spend too much time on a particular profile. EDIT: Forgot to mention one more thing, take it offline as soon as possible. Don't let the messages drag on..if someone replies to me I usually ask to meet up for a drink in the 2nd message I send.
  - Volscio 16y ago
    Always Be Closing
  - 9oliYQjP 16y ago
    Or, I might just be incredibly picky. See my reply here http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1466098 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1466098. I guess that brings up another point. Some people might not have found someone offline because they're just picky. So don't presume that people "lower their standards" when they date online. I have 16 conversations dating back to May in my inbox. Let me know if that's par for the course. The problem is, of these 16, 8 were girls that initiated contact with me and that I didn't find very attractive. Of the remaining 8, I had a date lined up with 1 that fell through, and a date currently lined up with another. EDIT: Another stat. I sent out 39 messages from May until now. Of the 39 messages, 8 got replies. So that's about 1 in 5.
- kadavy 16y ago
  There's no reason it should take you 6 months to find a date online (though you are using OKCupid, which tends to attract emotionally unavailable women, IMO). I don't want to write too much, because it's all pretty much been written. PROFILE: be funny, but most importantly, end with a "call to action": http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/how-to-write-an-online-dating-profile/ http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/how-to-write-an-online... FIRST MESSAGE: keep it short. It's called "the one-line hook" http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/match-messages/ http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/match-messages/ CLOSING THE DATE: make very specific suggestions, pick a place in her neighborhood http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/how-to-get-a-date-online/ http://www.onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/how-to-get-a-date-onli...
  - tome 16y ago
    OKCupid [...] tends to attract emotionally unavailable women, IMO I find this interesting. Could you please say more about it?
    - kadavy 16y ago
      Sure thing. There are many members on OKCupid who are "just there to take the quizzes." Something about the way the site is set up just makes you want to fill your profile with sarcasm and snark - both of which you'll see a lot of in OKCupid profiles. I'm drawing a parallel between sarcasm and snark and emotionally unavailability because lack of sincerity doesn't seem to me to be a healthy trait of someone you're just getting to know. I'm just speaking from experience on this last observation. It would be interesting to scientifically break it down: how much sarcasm and "angled" emo-esque profile photos you see in OKCupid vs. Match.com. Additionally, OKCupid is a free site. In my experience, people who pay for their online dating are more serious about actually going on dates.
- billpaetzke 16y ago
  Dude, I signed up three weeks ago. And I've already gone out with three smart, hot girls. And I have several more smart, hot girls in queue for the next few weeks. I am on CLOUD NINE! Cloud 9, I tell you! OKCupid rocks. Many girls on there are smart and hot and like nerdy guys (aka us here on HN). Right now, I'm using it to figure out what I want in a woman. I have a rough idea. But going on lots of dates with several women over a short period of time should give me a better idea. And hey, maybe one of them will turn out to be "the one." I have no expectations though. Just taking it day by day. (FYI--I'm 26/m and live in Los Angeles) I can consult you on your OKCupid profile & messages. $100/hr =P
alttab 16y ago
I took the recommendation for OKCupid from a hacker friend I have in Palo Alto (I'm in Austin), and I met the woman of my dreams. This was over a year and a half ago. We are engaged, and we close on our first house on Friday. OKCupid was great, I met my girl within the first 2 weeks, and we couldn't be happier. I've tried numerous other sites both paid and free and didn't like the mix of those on there as much as OKCupid.

Volscio 16y ago

Speaking as someone who just recently started using match.com (after the end of a string of long relationships), it seems to me that: 1) dating sites are the perfect example of the benefit of pseudonymity for allowing people to choose how much to reveal about themselves while still being attractive 2) dating sites rely on geographical favorability. I live in DC so as a single guy it works EXTREMELY well. But I hear it's not as great for DC women. But DC is known for having far more highly-educated single women than any other city. But would a dating site work as well in smaller communities where people marry out of high school and generally keep their social circle their whole lives? Is NYC too much of a social cauldron for dating sites to work? 3) Facebook hook-ups seem to work mostly if you are being hooked up with a friend of a friend, so the initial relationship is being built upon referral instead of semi-blind dates.

psyklic 16y ago
Regarding Facebook hook-ups -- I get a LOT of FB friend requests from people I haven't met who usually share a few mutual friends. This is how FB is used as a dating service, from my experience. Also, some people create profiles specifically made for dating, where they post some pictures of themselves and basic facts. Of course this is a cheap maneuver -- they want to see someone's complete profile, while the other person only gets to see a "fake" one.
smokinn 16y ago
I would be very wary of spending money on paid dating sites. There are just too many stories about fraud: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2493442.aspx http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2493442.aspx (Google will find you many more) okcupid and plentyoffish are much much better options. And Yahoo Personals and Match.com definitely aren't the only ones. I've heard of other paid dating sites doing the same. Of course these are only rumors which is why it never gets very far in court but it's enough for me to never want to spend my money on paid sites. The incentives to move into fraud in paid dating are very very strong.
- jquery 16y ago
  Methinks the free sites doth protest too much. I've used Plentyoffish, Okcupid, and Match.com. Only Match.com was a fraud-free experience. Sure, a paywall induces a motivation for 1st-party fraud, but it drastically reduces the motivation for 3rd-party fraud. Someone who solves both will become a rich individual. For the record, I met my beautiful girlfriend of two years on Match, so count me as biased. :)

jey 16y ago

tl;dr: The boring old corporate behemoths aren't growing anymore, therefore online dating is dead. They might as well have written an article about how TV is dead because nobody buys tube TVs anymore. Match.com is an awful, awful user experience. It's a wonder that they're still able to fleece so much money out of people.

uast23 16y ago

It sounds contradictory, because I think dating sites are yet to reach their prime, let alone having past it already.

dotcoma 16y ago
are you talking about the current dating sites? really?
- uast23 16y ago
  I mean anything.. current/old.. the sites which targetted "dating" in specific were never able to succeed, unless the social networking came into picture.I see "dating" and "social network" as 2 different things. How many people actually log in onto a dating site with a hope that they will actually get a genuine date!.I think the number is pretty less. Actually speaking "social netorking" sites generate more traction in the dating world than the actual "dating" sites.
  - sandipagr 16y ago
    "Actually speaking "social netorking" sites generate more traction in the dating world" I am not so sure about that. I don't really see people hooking up with friends of friends

georgieporgie 16y ago

If you haven't read the OKCupid's blog post, "Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating," I highly recommend doing so. If you're contemplating online dating, that is. http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/04/07/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating/ http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/04/07/why-you-should-... Interesting points: * "you are 12.4 times more likely to get married this year if you don't subscribe to Match.com" * the severe male/female imbalance ("sausage fest") leads to a "desperation feedback loop" where men spam more and more women, with fewer and fewer responses. In my opinion, with the rise in social networking platforms, dating sites are dead or dying - at least for 'mainstream' use. Even OKCupid, I think, will be pointless as people learn to leverage Facebook for dating.

reader5000 16y ago
Facebook is certainly useful in facilitating dating with people you have already met irl, but I dont see it used for generating dates with people you have not already met. Although I am curious if anybody has counter-experience on this :D
- nostrademons 16y ago
  Yeah, the social mores on FaceBook seem to frown upon random contact with lots of strangers. It's good for maintaining relationships, not so good for starting them. I've noticed a bunch of friends either getting married or beginning serious LTRs after meeting online, though. They usually fall into two categories. 1. A set of mutual friends of them say "Hey, you two would be perfect for each other," introduce them, and then the relationship blooms through FaceBook or old-fashioned e-mail. 2. They're both participants at a "niche" online forum or social networking site, and then end up meeting in person eventually and take it from there. I think the latter situation is way, way underreported. We pay attention to the big social sites like FaceBook and Twitter and the big dating sites like eHarmony and Match, but there's an enormous long-tail of niche sites that toss up a website and a forum and build a community. You can find a fansite for virtually every celebrity, every TV show, every sport, many of the more popular books, and even niche professional interests like startups and programming language design. Many of these grow very close, tight-knit communities, and when those communities are of mixed gender, it's very common for some dating to occur. Heck, if HN weren't overwhelming male, I bet we'd see some Hacker News couples. There've already been a bunch of "Founder Dating" sites spun off from it.

skbohra 16y ago

wondering why would someone ever go to a dating website, seriously, can't imagine that in my wildest dream. And do people pay for it? Seems it is a thing for the past generation. We aren't convinced.

jsz0 16y ago
Think of it like a bar at closing time. Most of those people are not looking for true love -- they just want a casual hookup.
kelnos 16y ago
Apparently your wildest dreams aren't very wild.

pdx 16y ago

I married my ex-wife from eharmony. (thanks for the compatibility match guys!) I married my current wife, and the mother of my two children, using yahoo personals. I also dated using match.com In my opinion, dating sites are still extremely efficient ways of meeting people. I exclude eharmony, both from personal bias, and from the fact that they don't allow you to really search the database. After you leave college, real life meetings become much more complicated. The bar scene is a lottery. How likely is it that you'll actually coincide in time and space with somebody who you would be happy with, and then how likely is it that you'll even get to talk to them if they are there when you're there? Grocery stores and other non-traditional meeting places, I personally avoided bothering women in, assuming there should be some neutral ground where a woman might wish to be left alone. For me, I wanted college educated women who had opinions about politics and whose opinions I shared. I wanted women with no children, who lived within 50 miles of me and didn't smoke or do drugs, but who did drink socially, wanted children, had traveled the world some, and were not strongly religious. I wanted women who enjoyed outdoor sports such as scuba, skydiving, and rock climbing. I wanted women who didn't own small yap dogs. Can you imagine bumping into women like this randomly? But with a dating site, it became so much easier. I still went out on a lot of dates that were bad matches, but I definitely skewed my chances of finding somebody I could respect and have fun with by taking the random chance aspect out of the equation. EDIT: The article doesn't actually disagree with this. It's saying that paid dating sites will lose out to unpaid. I was responding to the HN title which derides all dating sites.

perokreco 16y ago
Your analysis excludes the fact that the sampling of people you meet is not uniform but biased according to what you do. The chances of meeting women who do outdoor sports is extremely high if you do them yourselves, you are more likely to meet a girl like you want in a bar than in a church, etc. My point is that bumping into a girl like that randomly is actually very high, as long as you don't spend your life only at home or at work.
- rikthevik 16y ago
  I agree completely. If you love X (and it's a social activity), keep doing X and odds are pretty good you'll eventually meet someone you like. Worked for me.

Parabola 16y ago

I think the new thing will be social networking sites that facilitate "meetups" in small groups. "Hey who wants to go rafting down the Rio today!?" type things. That will naturally lead to people meeting one another and even better, facilitating new friendships, which seems even harder to do.

sandipagr 16y ago

I really didn't know dating sites were this successful...hmm time to jump in..off to make a profile :)

watt 16y ago

The analogy with peak oil is somewhat incorrect, because new people are being born (and enter dating scene subsequently) all the time. Dating sites will not run out of people. (As contrast, new oil is not being "made". Once it's all pumped dry, it's over.)