9 ms·

I struggle with this question myself a lot. I'm in LA currently and instead of conversations about web startups in cafes - I hear managers talking to talent and

by fjabre 16y ago

I struggle with this question myself a lot. I'm in LA currently and instead of conversations about web startups in cafes - I hear managers talking to talent and hot new ideas for movie scripts.. Pretty cool but doesn't help with a web startup. The one major complaint I continue to hear about SV from my male friends is the severe lack of eligible females there. Being from the east coast and now living in LA I might find it hard to live in place where I'm surrounded by predominantly male engineers 24/7 who are only talking about tech. I used to work as an engineer at Cisco and I remember that feeling. It wasn't a good one.

starkfist 16y ago
I left SF/SV because the dating scene was so bad and I felt like my startup enforced "vow of celibacy" had gone on long enough. There are not enough women, and the women who are there do not like you. If you are married or don't care about dating, it's a great place.
- tptacek 16y ago
  ... until you have kids, at which point it stops being so great.
  - starkfist 16y ago
    I have friends with kids there. If you have enough money, it's still great. It only sucks if you're financially struggling or sending your kids through the SF public school lottery. Even if you're not rich, it might not be so bad. I grew up in a state known for it's amazing public school system, and it was still a bunch of bullshit. I would have rather grown up somewhere I could have ridden my bike every day of the year and gotten college credits from one of the best community college systems in the country.
    - tptacek 16y ago
      I had kids in SF. You are either going to spend a spectacular amount of money to rent a town house in an acceptable part of San Francisco (and put up with an insane public school system), or your kids are going to grow up in a California suburb. That's a dilemma I'm happy to avoid.
      - starkfist 16y ago
        The SF public school lottery is garbage, but many of the suburbs are great. Would rather grow up (or raise kids) in San Mateo vs. Schaumburg. YMMV.
        tptacek 16y ago
        The uncanny resemblance that everything south of South San Francisco and east of Oakland has to Schaumburg definitely informs a lot of my opinions about the area. I lived in Santa Clara, in Soma, and in Noe Valley, for what it's worth. And, candidly: if you're going to live in a Schaumburg, you should indeed pick Silicon Schaumburg, and not Frozen Schaumburg.
        starkfist 16y ago
        If you're going to live in a Schaumburg, you should indeed pick Silicon Schaumburg, and not Frozen Schaumburg. That's what I'm sayin'. Citywise, I don't know enough about New Chicago to make an informed opinion. I vowed never to return in 1998, but I've heard it's become a great place.
        tptacek 16y ago
        Chicago, Portland, Austin, Seattle, Philly, DC, NYC, Boston, MSP, A2, Atlanta, Miami --- all better places to live than Silicon Schaumburg. Don't mistake this for boosterism. I love this city, but I'm motivated more by hatred of strip malls.
        starkfist 16y ago
    - natemartin 16y ago
      Hmmm. I grew up in SF. Parents didn't have money, went through the public school system. Public schools here aren't that bad, as long as you apply yourself and get into the magnet schools. (Still live here too. The dilemma I have now is that I hate the commute to my south bay job, but I don't want to live the city. I still think most of the peninsula is pretty damn boring.) I turned out fine. (I think...)
- fady 16y ago
  I find this not to be true, and to state generalizations about SF/SV dating scene or lack thereof, is also far off from the truth. Have you ever heard of Okcupid? I'm a tech guy, in the tech scene, working for a tech startup, and have found that if you want to find/date women, you need to be proactive about it (kind of like the old days). The city, and the surrounding bay area are full of available women, who do want to meet "you"... just need to look If you're not social, then you wont meet anyone in this city, especially if you moved here for a job, and have little friends, or time to meet people, hence why dating sites like Okcupid are essential. If you grew up here, then it might be easier as you have a larger network of friends, acquaintances - that generally leads to more social events, etc.. Also - last time i checked, we have about an equal ratio of men to women (does not include sexual orientation)
  - starkfist 16y ago
    Ah yes, OKCupid. Here is my take on OKCupid. In SF, the real life singles scene is dominated by men. If you go to an event or a bar, there is a lopsided ratio of men to women. The women who are out, are typically insane. The cool women you want to meet are actually on OKCupid because they are tired of being surrounded by dirtbags and nerds (and insane women). So OkCupid works well for a man dating in SF, because that's where the normal, interesting, good-looking women are. In NYC the scene is the opposite. The bars and events are overrun with attractive women. The weird trolls are the ones hanging out on OKC. Thus, if you move across country to NYC and update your OKC location, you'll start getting tons of messages from tattooed roller-derby girls who have pet snakes. The type you were tired of meeting at the bars in SF. YMMV, I'll grant that maybe YC has inspired a generation of debonair hackers to move to SF and clean up with all the amazing local women.
    - fady 16y ago
      hehe. Nice reply and do agree with: "So OkCupid works well for a man dating in SF, because that's where the normal, interesting, good-looking women are." _ I think it works well for women too, as men are constantly messaging ladies more than the opposite, of course, I am one of those men. :)
    - 16y ago
- ungerik 16y ago
  Since when is doing the whole startup thing about lifestyle and dating women??? If you get it this way, you have already lost in comparison to those dedicated _only_ to the success of their startup.
iamelgringo 16y ago
They don't call it "Man Jose" for nothing.
- sgoraya 16y ago
  Thanks for the laugh! :-) I worked and lived in downtown "Man Jose" for a few years - It was always amusing going out, to say the Mission mAle House and observing the wolfpacks encircling any available female(s).
timr 16y ago
"The one major complaint I continue to hear about SV from my male friends is the severe lack of eligible females there. Being from the east coast and living currently in LA I might find it hard to live in place where I'm surrounded by predominantly male engineers 24/7 who are only talking about tech. I used to work at Cisco and I remember that feeling. It wasn't a good one." The valley sucks, but San Francisco is loaded with single women. You've just got to make an effort to socialize outside of tech circles (which are skewed male everywhere you go). Also, it helps to have a level of life sophistication beyond that of the average 20-year-old hacker -- a lot of the single women here are more established, and looking for men who have evolved a bit beyond frat-house antics, or guys who survive exclusively on pizza, meat and beer. A lot of startup guys surround themselves with an entourage of unkempt 20-somethings who have no interests in life outside of computers and heavy drinking; it shouldn't be surprising that women are rare in these environments.
- starkfist 16y ago
  SF is better than Mountain View, but is not "loaded with single women" if you compare it to somewhere like NYC. It's still pretty bad.
  - timr 16y ago
    If you're going to make that kind of comparison, the whole west coast is worse than the east coast. But for the west coast, San Francisco is quite good. Let me be clearer: there's a lot of personal circumstance in these complaints. I know plenty of guys in the city who have no problems finding or meeting single women (and no, they're not rich, or male models, or anything unreasonable). There are certainly places in the world where sex ratio is a problem, but if you find yourself in San Francisco and constantly surrounded by male nerds, then you're not doing enough to place yourself in a good situation. When you're working in technology, you have to make a conscious effort to get away from the nerd culture when you're not working. There are lots of women here, but you're not going to find them hanging around the guys at work.
    - starkfist 16y ago
mkeblx 16y ago
Are there no eligible females in SV? Being a person more interested in finding a mate than the "predominantly male engineers 24/7 who are only talking about tech" wouldn't that put you at a comparative advantage to them with the females who do exist in SV? I would think it might even be better than LA where being a developer or startup founder is not a asset in a movie fame and fortune mindset. An idea: stay in LA and do a startup that manages/matches talent to managers. No business plan needed and doesn't need to even work past the "I can get you a deal/make you famous" intro.
- RK 16y ago
  When I lived in LA it seemed to impress girls if you said you "had a job", because most of those aspiring actor types don't.
WiseWeasel 16y ago
Hint: don't stray too far from larger universities. Santa Cruz is a nice gender balance. San Francisco isn't bad. Berkeley can be alright, if a bit ghetto.
- sliverstorm 16y ago
  Santa Cruz is still getting better, too. The gender balance has always been good, and the ratio of attractive females vs. unattractive ones has been improving.
- gxs 16y ago
  Are you kidding? Berkeley is probably the worst of the worst.

by fjabre 16y ago

starkfist 16y ago

I left SF/SV because the dating scene was so bad and I felt like my startup enforced "vow of celibacy" had gone on long enough. There are not enough women, and the women who are there do not like you. If you are married or don't care about dating, it's a great place.

tptacek 16y ago
... until you have kids, at which point it stops being so great.
- starkfist 16y ago
  I have friends with kids there. If you have enough money, it's still great. It only sucks if you're financially struggling or sending your kids through the SF public school lottery. Even if you're not rich, it might not be so bad. I grew up in a state known for it's amazing public school system, and it was still a bunch of bullshit. I would have rather grown up somewhere I could have ridden my bike every day of the year and gotten college credits from one of the best community college systems in the country.
  - tptacek 16y ago
    I had kids in SF. You are either going to spend a spectacular amount of money to rent a town house in an acceptable part of San Francisco (and put up with an insane public school system), or your kids are going to grow up in a California suburb. That's a dilemma I'm happy to avoid.
    - starkfist 16y ago
      The SF public school lottery is garbage, but many of the suburbs are great. Would rather grow up (or raise kids) in San Mateo vs. Schaumburg. YMMV.
      - tptacek 16y ago
        The uncanny resemblance that everything south of South San Francisco and east of Oakland has to Schaumburg definitely informs a lot of my opinions about the area. I lived in Santa Clara, in Soma, and in Noe Valley, for what it's worth. And, candidly: if you're going to live in a Schaumburg, you should indeed pick Silicon Schaumburg, and not Frozen Schaumburg.
        starkfist 16y ago
        If you're going to live in a Schaumburg, you should indeed pick Silicon Schaumburg, and not Frozen Schaumburg. That's what I'm sayin'. Citywise, I don't know enough about New Chicago to make an informed opinion. I vowed never to return in 1998, but I've heard it's become a great place.
        tptacek 16y ago
        Chicago, Portland, Austin, Seattle, Philly, DC, NYC, Boston, MSP, A2, Atlanta, Miami --- all better places to live than Silicon Schaumburg. Don't mistake this for boosterism. I love this city, but I'm motivated more by hatred of strip malls.
        starkfist 16y ago
  - natemartin 16y ago
    Hmmm. I grew up in SF. Parents didn't have money, went through the public school system. Public schools here aren't that bad, as long as you apply yourself and get into the magnet schools. (Still live here too. The dilemma I have now is that I hate the commute to my south bay job, but I don't want to live the city. I still think most of the peninsula is pretty damn boring.) I turned out fine. (I think...)
fady 16y ago
I find this not to be true, and to state generalizations about SF/SV dating scene or lack thereof, is also far off from the truth. Have you ever heard of Okcupid? I'm a tech guy, in the tech scene, working for a tech startup, and have found that if you want to find/date women, you need to be proactive about it (kind of like the old days). The city, and the surrounding bay area are full of available women, who do want to meet "you"... just need to look If you're not social, then you wont meet anyone in this city, especially if you moved here for a job, and have little friends, or time to meet people, hence why dating sites like Okcupid are essential. If you grew up here, then it might be easier as you have a larger network of friends, acquaintances - that generally leads to more social events, etc.. Also - last time i checked, we have about an equal ratio of men to women (does not include sexual orientation)
- starkfist 16y ago
  Ah yes, OKCupid. Here is my take on OKCupid. In SF, the real life singles scene is dominated by men. If you go to an event or a bar, there is a lopsided ratio of men to women. The women who are out, are typically insane. The cool women you want to meet are actually on OKCupid because they are tired of being surrounded by dirtbags and nerds (and insane women). So OkCupid works well for a man dating in SF, because that's where the normal, interesting, good-looking women are. In NYC the scene is the opposite. The bars and events are overrun with attractive women. The weird trolls are the ones hanging out on OKC. Thus, if you move across country to NYC and update your OKC location, you'll start getting tons of messages from tattooed roller-derby girls who have pet snakes. The type you were tired of meeting at the bars in SF. YMMV, I'll grant that maybe YC has inspired a generation of debonair hackers to move to SF and clean up with all the amazing local women.
  - fady 16y ago
    hehe. Nice reply and do agree with: "So OkCupid works well for a man dating in SF, because that's where the normal, interesting, good-looking women are." _ I think it works well for women too, as men are constantly messaging ladies more than the opposite, of course, I am one of those men. :)
  - 16y ago
ungerik 16y ago
Since when is doing the whole startup thing about lifestyle and dating women??? If you get it this way, you have already lost in comparison to those dedicated _only_ to the success of their startup.

iamelgringo 16y ago

They don't call it "Man Jose" for nothing.

sgoraya 16y ago
Thanks for the laugh! :-) I worked and lived in downtown "Man Jose" for a few years - It was always amusing going out, to say the Mission mAle House and observing the wolfpacks encircling any available female(s).

timr 16y ago

"The one major complaint I continue to hear about SV from my male friends is the severe lack of eligible females there. Being from the east coast and living currently in LA I might find it hard to live in place where I'm surrounded by predominantly male engineers 24/7 who are only talking about tech. I used to work at Cisco and I remember that feeling. It wasn't a good one." The valley sucks, but San Francisco is loaded with single women. You've just got to make an effort to socialize outside of tech circles (which are skewed male everywhere you go). Also, it helps to have a level of life sophistication beyond that of the average 20-year-old hacker -- a lot of the single women here are more established, and looking for men who have evolved a bit beyond frat-house antics, or guys who survive exclusively on pizza, meat and beer. A lot of startup guys surround themselves with an entourage of unkempt 20-somethings who have no interests in life outside of computers and heavy drinking; it shouldn't be surprising that women are rare in these environments.

starkfist 16y ago
SF is better than Mountain View, but is not "loaded with single women" if you compare it to somewhere like NYC. It's still pretty bad.
- timr 16y ago
  If you're going to make that kind of comparison, the whole west coast is worse than the east coast. But for the west coast, San Francisco is quite good. Let me be clearer: there's a lot of personal circumstance in these complaints. I know plenty of guys in the city who have no problems finding or meeting single women (and no, they're not rich, or male models, or anything unreasonable). There are certainly places in the world where sex ratio is a problem, but if you find yourself in San Francisco and constantly surrounded by male nerds, then you're not doing enough to place yourself in a good situation. When you're working in technology, you have to make a conscious effort to get away from the nerd culture when you're not working. There are lots of women here, but you're not going to find them hanging around the guys at work.
  - starkfist 16y ago

mkeblx 16y ago

Are there no eligible females in SV? Being a person more interested in finding a mate than the "predominantly male engineers 24/7 who are only talking about tech" wouldn't that put you at a comparative advantage to them with the females who do exist in SV? I would think it might even be better than LA where being a developer or startup founder is not a asset in a movie fame and fortune mindset. An idea: stay in LA and do a startup that manages/matches talent to managers. No business plan needed and doesn't need to even work past the "I can get you a deal/make you famous" intro.

RK 16y ago
When I lived in LA it seemed to impress girls if you said you "had a job", because most of those aspiring actor types don't.

WiseWeasel 16y ago

Hint: don't stray too far from larger universities. Santa Cruz is a nice gender balance. San Francisco isn't bad. Berkeley can be alright, if a bit ghetto.

sliverstorm 16y ago
Santa Cruz is still getting better, too. The gender balance has always been good, and the ratio of attractive females vs. unattractive ones has been improving.
gxs 16y ago
Are you kidding? Berkeley is probably the worst of the worst.