6 ms·

I'm sure I'm going to get flamed and/or down-modded for taking the contrarian postion on this. Shame on me for choosing to accept the challenge of being an adu

I'm sure I'm going to get flamed and/or down-modded for taking the contrarian postion on this. Shame on me for choosing to accept the challenge of being an adult in our modern society. If you think that going to the bank, doing your laundry, and answering emails in a timely manner is some sort of accomplishment or difficult, then you need to take a look in the mirror and realize that you are looking at the problem. It's called "being responsible for yourself". Tough concept for many people apparently. I'm 39, been married for 12 years, and have two kids. I choose to be responsible because my kids can't do their own laundry or buy their own groceries. These are 5 and 10 year-old kids, not adults. Am I perfectly organized? Not even close. But I don't sit here and justify my failures like the girl who writes that blog. Yoda was right: do or do not, kids. There is no try. Before you get all mad, I understand there are people who have mental or physical illnesses that makes doing these everyday, routine chores difficult. These people have my sympathies and understanding. The rest of us have no excuse. Yes, I include myself in "the rest of us." Yes, much of every day life is not fun. I don't particular enjoy being a responsible adult, but if the alternative is the kind of ranting, over-the-top situations in that blog post (and on that blog in general), I'll take being a responsible adult. Grocery shopping is hard? Responding to emails is hard?!? Going to the bank is hard?!?!? This person who lives on the internet cannot order groceries online, answer emails or pay their bills online? Oh, that's right, they can never be an adult. Because it's too hard or something. Okay, back to Facebook and rating pictures of cute kittens. I'm sure there is a "responsible adult" out there who "cleans up" after this person. Resenting it while doing it too, I'm sure. Don't blame it on TV or the internet or the poor diet North Americans eat or the "bureaucracy involved in modern city life". Millions of other people are in the same circumstances or worse and somehow manage to rise above it all, and have fridges with food, clean clothes, and money in their bank account. And they do it all by themselves too.

_delirium 16y ago
Maybe I know the wrong people, but the people I know who actually manage it best seem to be in stable relationships with a more old-school division of responsibility (though sometimes the traditional gender roles are 100% flipped). Basically, one person is in charge of finding a way to bring in money, and the other person is in charge of groceries/bills/bank/etc.--- and, importantly, each can for the most part assume that the other side of the equation isn't their responsibility, so the money-earner can assume that daily life magically stays on track, while the daily-life-maintainer can assume that money magically appears.
- grumpycanuck 16y ago
  Me and the missus don't split things up that way, but I can see how it would work. However, you did hit the nail on the head: defining who is supposed to do what means you don't have to spend all sorts of time worrying about whether things are getting done by the other person. Because if they don't, it's pretty obvious. ;)
kwamenum86 16y ago
I think the author understands that it is about responsibility and makes no excuses: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/TBpWM3wxI1I/AAAAAAAADFk/6ROBYJkpuuQ/s640/responsibility1.png http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/TBpWM3wxI1I/AAAAAAAADF...
- grumpycanuck 16y ago
  Oh no, I understand what the author says. I just disagree with her views on it. There is a huge difference between "I am not being responsible but want to be, tell me how" and "I take on too much stuff and then give up to surf the internet like a squirrel on PCP".
  - scott_s 16y ago
    One phrasing is entertaining, the other isn't. Do you have the same reaction to standup comics?
rufo 16y ago
I don't think you're saying anything that most of the people described don't already know.
SandB0x 16y ago
I'm sure there is a "responsible adult" out there who "cleans up" after this person. Resenting it while doing it too, I'm sure. This isn't the impression I got. She gets her stuff done, goes to the bank and responds to emails, but not in a timely and organised way and she's unhappy with that. You're right, this is a very lucky and privileged situation in the grand scheme of things, but her situation is not the same as yours. What do you think would happen if she had a couple of kids? Would she a) Spend all day on Facebook and let them starve or b) Become a more organised person through her new responsibility? Also bear in mind (from the FAQ): Yes. Aside from the odd exaggeration for comic effect, the vast majority of my stories are completely true to life.
- cianestro 16y ago
  I would test this theory on a pet first.
- grumpycanuck 16y ago
  I have no idea if she would become more organized as a result of having a couple of kids. My observations of other people who have had kids leads me to conclude that disorganized single people rarely become organized parents.
Daniel_Newby 16y ago
You seem to have a model of the human brain as a machine with a moral selector. If it is set to "good", then the morally-correct neural programs are automatically activated, producing a moral outcome, or at least a valiant attempt interrupted by bad luck. "If you think that going to the bank, doing your laundry, and answering emails in a timely manner is some sort of accomplishment or difficult, ..." In reality, the actions of the human brain appear to be directed by a complicated network of multiple pattern matchers that search for salient input. When one of them recognizes a pattern with sufficient intensity, it produces an output that directs attention and activity toward it. These pattern matchers vary across the population. Some people are entranced by music, some by tidiness, some by praise, some by chasing tail, some by financial work that they have been told needs to be done, etc. etc. etc. There appear to be pattern matchers that work on thought itself, sustaining attention to an idea so that it spontaneously stays somewhere near the focus of attention with little perceived effort. This facility appears to vary a lot between people. Some people get stuck (obsessive-compulsive disorder), most folks remember the more important things most of the time, and for some people holding onto a thought is like trying to catch smoke. Studies of twins separated at birth show that this facility is about as heritable as adult height. "Going to the bank is hard?!?!?" Going is easy, but for some people it simply does not spontaneously float into the focus of attention. If the police aren't about the come asking awkward questions, if the person has enough folding money for food, and so forth, then it readily slips out their conscious mind. They'd rather it did not, but a weak meta-mind cannot readily fix itself with meta-thinking. I fall on the easily-distracted-by-shiny-objects end of the spectrum. Somewhere around here I have a $50 refund check that I've had for ages. The cops don't care, nothing gets turned off if I ignore it, so it keeps falling off the radar. It will probably continue to be forgotten until it has more value as a collectible. One of my descendants will euphorically sell it for Federation credits and then promptly misplace their credit chip. They will feel really guilty, but this will not help them find their credit chip. "I choose to be responsible because my kids can't do their own laundry or buy their own groceries." Try choosing to be irresponsible for three straight weeks. Your kids will not be harmed by a few weeks of nachos and slightly-dirty clothes. I bet you couldn't do it. The salience detector in your brain would scream and you would be compelled to obsessively fix it, regardless of your previous "choice" to prove you could, and your brain's storyteller would then cook up a story about how you really meant to do laundry all along.
Tichy 16y ago
Just accepting the chores doesn't cut it. As engineers, we can also think about possible solutions. For example, I think washing machines have been one of the truly great advancements of civilization. In former times it was probably impossible to manage one household alone (hence also a higher importance put on marriage). Banking doesn't seem that much of an issue anymore, with online banking. Maybe shopping could be replaced by ordering online, too. Cleaning is tricky - I still don't have a cleaning lady/gent, also because I worry about giving up some privacy. Another way to ease the cleaning problem is to get a smaller flat and less stuff. (I don't think Roombas help that much yet, or do they?).
astine 16y ago
" Grocery shopping is hard? Responding to emails is hard?!? Going to the bank is hard?!?!?" For someone with ADHD, it can be. The author mentions in her contact information that she does have ADHD so your situation probably doesn't compare with her's.
- jquery 16y ago
  As someone who has had 4 younger siblings diagnosed with ADHD, and who has self-diagnosed with ADHD, I can assure you it is highly overrated as a mental illness. A cousin of mine has hyper-encephalitis with major retardation; that's a mental illness. *I don't mean to say what you said is irrelevant... having ADHD definitely makes it harder to handle the day-to-day chores... but it doesn't put you in a category where you can't relate to other people about these issues. ADHD is more like a shift in cognition strategy than a genuine disability.
  - astine 16y ago
    "but it doesn't put you in a category where you can't relate to other people about these issues." I hope that it I didn't imply that it did.
  - rubinelli 16y ago
    While I agree that there are far worse conditions out there, I'd like to point out that ADHD falls in a spectrum; while for many people it's a quirk that can go undiagnosed for their entire lives, for some it's an almost crippling disorder, especially when combined with common comorbidities like depression and social anxiety.
farmerbuzz 16y ago
Contrarian? Its humor, not philosophy. Lighten up.
jimbokun 16y ago
"But I don't sit here and justify my failures like the girl who writes that blog." I read absolutely no self justifying in that blog. Just brutally honest, self deprecating humor. I also feel that this brutal honesty about herself makes it more likely, not less, that she will eventually conquer this adult thing.
piguy314 16y ago
I think you may be interpreting the comments on the blog too literally and seriously. The name of the blog is hyperbole and a half, clearly the author infuses their posts with ample measures of humor and sarcasm...
Raphael_Amiard 16y ago
It's interesting, because you actually answered to a fun, insightful, and self-criticizing post that actually made me smile, with a patronizing, boring and full of stereotypes post that made me want to shoot myself while watching at a boring american movie. EDIT : I thought i would develop a bit on my post because it's really a borderline flame as is. What i mean is that, okay we're all gonna try hard and be adults, even the author of this post eventually, and maybe he is, because for all i can tell about the tone of the post, it may all be fictionnal. The OP did a brilliant job (IMHO) in capturing this moment of loneliness you get when you have to process this seemingly endless stream of borderline useless daily tasks, that constitutes the basic things you've got to do in modern society, and hence the infrastructure of being an adult responsible person, and you somehow can't seem to manage it. It was very well done and quite humoristic if you can't tell. On the other hand, you're just serving a bunch of empty moralizations that everybody already interned, OP included. In short, you're totally missing the point and tone of the post from what i can tell.
- deleted 16y ago
  [deleted]
julius_geezer 16y ago
You may be reading a bit too much into a blog post. But otherwise I agree..

_delirium 16y ago

Maybe I know the wrong people, but the people I know who actually manage it best seem to be in stable relationships with a more old-school division of responsibility (though sometimes the traditional gender roles are 100% flipped). Basically, one person is in charge of finding a way to bring in money, and the other person is in charge of groceries/bills/bank/etc.--- and, importantly, each can for the most part assume that the other side of the equation isn't their responsibility, so the money-earner can assume that daily life magically stays on track, while the daily-life-maintainer can assume that money magically appears.

grumpycanuck 16y ago
Me and the missus don't split things up that way, but I can see how it would work. However, you did hit the nail on the head: defining who is supposed to do what means you don't have to spend all sorts of time worrying about whether things are getting done by the other person. Because if they don't, it's pretty obvious. ;)

kwamenum86 16y ago

I think the author understands that it is about responsibility and makes no excuses: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/TBpWM3wxI1I/AAAAAAAADFk/6ROBYJkpuuQ/s640/responsibility1.png http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/TBpWM3wxI1I/AAAAAAAADF...

grumpycanuck 16y ago
Oh no, I understand what the author says. I just disagree with her views on it. There is a huge difference between "I am not being responsible but want to be, tell me how" and "I take on too much stuff and then give up to surf the internet like a squirrel on PCP".
- scott_s 16y ago
  One phrasing is entertaining, the other isn't. Do you have the same reaction to standup comics?

rufo 16y ago

I don't think you're saying anything that most of the people described don't already know.

SandB0x 16y ago

I'm sure there is a "responsible adult" out there who "cleans up" after this person. Resenting it while doing it too, I'm sure. This isn't the impression I got. She gets her stuff done, goes to the bank and responds to emails, but not in a timely and organised way and she's unhappy with that. You're right, this is a very lucky and privileged situation in the grand scheme of things, but her situation is not the same as yours. What do you think would happen if she had a couple of kids? Would she a) Spend all day on Facebook and let them starve or b) Become a more organised person through her new responsibility? Also bear in mind (from the FAQ): Yes. Aside from the odd exaggeration for comic effect, the vast majority of my stories are completely true to life.

cianestro 16y ago
I would test this theory on a pet first.
grumpycanuck 16y ago
I have no idea if she would become more organized as a result of having a couple of kids. My observations of other people who have had kids leads me to conclude that disorganized single people rarely become organized parents.

Daniel_Newby 16y ago

You seem to have a model of the human brain as a machine with a moral selector. If it is set to "good", then the morally-correct neural programs are automatically activated, producing a moral outcome, or at least a valiant attempt interrupted by bad luck. "If you think that going to the bank, doing your laundry, and answering emails in a timely manner is some sort of accomplishment or difficult, ..." In reality, the actions of the human brain appear to be directed by a complicated network of multiple pattern matchers that search for salient input. When one of them recognizes a pattern with sufficient intensity, it produces an output that directs attention and activity toward it. These pattern matchers vary across the population. Some people are entranced by music, some by tidiness, some by praise, some by chasing tail, some by financial work that they have been told needs to be done, etc. etc. etc. There appear to be pattern matchers that work on thought itself, sustaining attention to an idea so that it spontaneously stays somewhere near the focus of attention with little perceived effort. This facility appears to vary a lot between people. Some people get stuck (obsessive-compulsive disorder), most folks remember the more important things most of the time, and for some people holding onto a thought is like trying to catch smoke. Studies of twins separated at birth show that this facility is about as heritable as adult height. "Going to the bank is hard?!?!?" Going is easy, but for some people it simply does not spontaneously float into the focus of attention. If the police aren't about the come asking awkward questions, if the person has enough folding money for food, and so forth, then it readily slips out their conscious mind. They'd rather it did not, but a weak meta-mind cannot readily fix itself with meta-thinking. I fall on the easily-distracted-by-shiny-objects end of the spectrum. Somewhere around here I have a $50 refund check that I've had for ages. The cops don't care, nothing gets turned off if I ignore it, so it keeps falling off the radar. It will probably continue to be forgotten until it has more value as a collectible. One of my descendants will euphorically sell it for Federation credits and then promptly misplace their credit chip. They will feel really guilty, but this will not help them find their credit chip. "I choose to be responsible because my kids can't do their own laundry or buy their own groceries." Try choosing to be irresponsible for three straight weeks. Your kids will not be harmed by a few weeks of nachos and slightly-dirty clothes. I bet you couldn't do it. The salience detector in your brain would scream and you would be compelled to obsessively fix it, regardless of your previous "choice" to prove you could, and your brain's storyteller would then cook up a story about how you really meant to do laundry all along.

Tichy 16y ago

Just accepting the chores doesn't cut it. As engineers, we can also think about possible solutions. For example, I think washing machines have been one of the truly great advancements of civilization. In former times it was probably impossible to manage one household alone (hence also a higher importance put on marriage). Banking doesn't seem that much of an issue anymore, with online banking. Maybe shopping could be replaced by ordering online, too. Cleaning is tricky - I still don't have a cleaning lady/gent, also because I worry about giving up some privacy. Another way to ease the cleaning problem is to get a smaller flat and less stuff. (I don't think Roombas help that much yet, or do they?).

astine 16y ago

" Grocery shopping is hard? Responding to emails is hard?!? Going to the bank is hard?!?!?" For someone with ADHD, it can be. The author mentions in her contact information that she does have ADHD so your situation probably doesn't compare with her's.

jquery 16y ago
As someone who has had 4 younger siblings diagnosed with ADHD, and who has self-diagnosed with ADHD, I can assure you it is highly overrated as a mental illness. A cousin of mine has hyper-encephalitis with major retardation; that's a mental illness. *I don't mean to say what you said is irrelevant... having ADHD definitely makes it harder to handle the day-to-day chores... but it doesn't put you in a category where you can't relate to other people about these issues. ADHD is more like a shift in cognition strategy than a genuine disability.
- astine 16y ago
  "but it doesn't put you in a category where you can't relate to other people about these issues." I hope that it I didn't imply that it did.
- rubinelli 16y ago
  While I agree that there are far worse conditions out there, I'd like to point out that ADHD falls in a spectrum; while for many people it's a quirk that can go undiagnosed for their entire lives, for some it's an almost crippling disorder, especially when combined with common comorbidities like depression and social anxiety.

farmerbuzz 16y ago

Contrarian? Its humor, not philosophy. Lighten up.

jimbokun 16y ago

"But I don't sit here and justify my failures like the girl who writes that blog." I read absolutely no self justifying in that blog. Just brutally honest, self deprecating humor. I also feel that this brutal honesty about herself makes it more likely, not less, that she will eventually conquer this adult thing.

piguy314 16y ago

I think you may be interpreting the comments on the blog too literally and seriously. The name of the blog is hyperbole and a half, clearly the author infuses their posts with ample measures of humor and sarcasm...

Raphael_Amiard 16y ago

It's interesting, because you actually answered to a fun, insightful, and self-criticizing post that actually made me smile, with a patronizing, boring and full of stereotypes post that made me want to shoot myself while watching at a boring american movie. EDIT : I thought i would develop a bit on my post because it's really a borderline flame as is. What i mean is that, okay we're all gonna try hard and be adults, even the author of this post eventually, and maybe he is, because for all i can tell about the tone of the post, it may all be fictionnal. The OP did a brilliant job (IMHO) in capturing this moment of loneliness you get when you have to process this seemingly endless stream of borderline useless daily tasks, that constitutes the basic things you've got to do in modern society, and hence the infrastructure of being an adult responsible person, and you somehow can't seem to manage it. It was very well done and quite humoristic if you can't tell. On the other hand, you're just serving a bunch of empty moralizations that everybody already interned, OP included. In short, you're totally missing the point and tone of the post from what i can tell.

deleted 16y ago
[deleted]

julius_geezer 16y ago

You may be reading a bit too much into a blog post. But otherwise I agree..