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You May Want to Marry My Husband
- dankohn1 10y agoAnd the author of the piece died today. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/13/style/amy-krouse-rosenthal-dies-modern-love.html https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/13/style/amy-krouse-rosentha...
- xyzzy4 10y agoThis is why you shouldn't be ashamed of web browsing, watching Youtube, and going on Facebook at work. You never know when your life is about to end. Living like a monk who only focuses on work is not very satisfying.
- cylinder 10y agoAll that stuff is a waste of time, not a good use of it. It's a symbol of "face time" at work, where you have four hours of real work a day so you stretch it out to eight by wasting time. So is coming home and just flopping on the couch and watching TV all night because you're so tired. These things make me feel like my life is wasted.
- balabaster 10y agoOkay, my day is over and I'm going home. I'm done.
- franciscop 10y agoI was going home and instead after reading this I'll keep studying Japanese (a hobby I love).
- virtuexru 10y agoI'm not reading this because I'm wearing my best mascara today.
- gankedfrank 10y agoI miss those times when newspapers were about news. This is something a teenage girl would write for English class. It's a very touching story, but it feels inappropriate coming from a newspaper.
- balabaster 10y agoIt's also a poignant reminder to live for what's important... tomorrow isn't promised.
- zymhan 10y agoHow in god's name could this be anything like a high school essay. Are you made of stone?
- gankedfrank 10y agoReread it. It's a few appeals about one guy. It's not that special AT ALL. It's like HN users today are reading this and wistfully thinking of the one that got away or something. It has nothing to do with technology whatsoever and the core message is carpe diem, oldest motivational in the book.
- kevinmchugh 10y agoIf you believe the content inappropriate for hacker news, you can flag it.
- frgtpsswrdlame 10y agoIt's not exactly like HN is flooded with this kind of story, the last similar one I can think of was about Mohammed Bzeek and that was a couple weeks ago. It's a friday, some of us (me!) are probably counting the hours at work and appreciate a heartfelt story. I can appreciate the occasional step outside the norm.
- zymhan 10y agoDid you read the whole thing? Or, like, the title? I mean, if you are really too hard-hearted to understand that life can end suddenly, and that you should cherish your connections with others, then I pity you. And if you don't see how a reminder to lift your head up from your work once in a while is relevant on HN, then this story is precisely for people like you.
- bradleyjg 10y agoHeartbreaking. Not sure what else there is to say.
- thecrazyone 10y agoI was at a loss of words too. There's so much of goodness and sadness here. I wish somehow something better happens to her. I wish I could give her some of my good karma (of the little that I might have) Such good feelings I have now, thanks to this author and good human being
- rcarmo 10y agoThis is the sort of thing that reminds me there is life outside work, and that we should spend a lot more time enjoying the people we are supposed to be spending it with. (Commuting home, so the time spent online and tapping this out is not misplaced.) At the same time, it is a remarkably poignant and romantic way for her to both affirm her love and reinstate my faith in mankind. My heart goes out to her and her family.
- overcast 10y agoALWAYS put life/family/friends/experiences before work. The old adage that no one on their death bed ever wishes they worked more, is 100% true.
- cryoshon 10y agosure, but nobody ever does this. they'd be poor.
- droopyEyelids 10y agoTrue, though no one with life ahead wishes for less financial security.
- zymhan 10y agoBut what is that financial security for if you might not be around to enjoy it? It just hammers home for the that being ultra-frugal now so that you can live it up when you retire misses the fact that, well, you might just die one day and never have those experiences you put off in the name of saving money. You should live life as you go, not by putting it all off and saving it up
- WalterSear 10y agoI have a number of elderly relatives who have been well and truly fucked by that philosophy.
- cortesoft 10y ago
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- zymhan 10y agoWell, fuck. edit: Those aren't the feelings I wanted on a Friday evening. Guess I'll go hug my SO
- xutopia 10y agoIt's a sad story but I love the way in which she welcomes the potential lover that will one day replace her. Makes me think of what the polyamorous call compersion.
- Arizhel 10y agoWhen I saw the story title, I thought at first it was something about polyamory. It's slowly gaining more visibility and acceptance in parts of society. Then I read it and my mood went down the tubes. :-(
- phkahler 10y agoI don't think a poly would feel like the author of that piece.
- Neliquat 10y agoAn apt comparison. Not sure who would downvote you for it.
- twog 10y agoWho is cutting onions in here!?!
- beamatronic 10y ago>> She suggested the word “more.” That did it for me :(
- minimaxir 10y agoI'm curious as to why this submission was flagkilled. Yes, it's not related to tech, but it's good writing. EDIT: Apparently unflagkilled. That's rare.
- dang 10y agoPeople can reasonably disagree about whether a piece like this gratifies intellectual curiosity or not, which is the criterion of ontopicness for HN: https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html. It makes sense that the reactions for or against are more intense, because the article touches the emotions so intensely. There's a tradition of stories like this (very) occasionally making the front page and getting rich discussion. I think that's a good tradition—as long as it's not overdone, which goes for any genre of story.
- sohagan857 10y agoUnbelievably good writing
- zymhan 10y agoYeah, this has been a roller coaster of a thread. I'm glad the story is back.
- zymhan 10y agoToo many feels for all these manly men I guess. edit: so I have no idea what happens when a comment is detached, am I the only one who sees it floating at the bottom of the comments? Or am I now flapping in the wind for all to (rightly) laugh at?
- dang 10y agoI sympathize with where you're coming from but you've already overposted about this and now you've crossed into being rude. Please don't do that. We detached this comment from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13786489 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13786489 and marked it off-topic. (When a comment is detached and marked off topic it floats to the bottom but everyone can still see it, unless it has been killed, in which case only users with 'showdead' set to 'yes' in their profile will see it.)
- DiegoRamirez 10y agoWhy do I have Steve Jobs's like magical thinking? I'm in my mid-40s, work out a lot, and feel that nothing can touch me like a 15 year old? Nothing wrong on surface, but doing a comprehensive blood workup on Monday. Still not scared at all But why do I think I am immunine (sic) to Cancer. I think I can lift, run my way out of anything. "I am a man among men". That's obviously BS. When the inevitable "something" comes down how do I deal with it? e.g. Supermen die of old age! not!
- Domenic_S 10y ago> nothing can touch me like a 15 year old ...phrasing?!
- hkmurakami 10y agolikely a direct translation from Spanish/Portuguese grammar.
- DiegoRamirez 10y agoas in, never been hurt, sick..still strong as an OX, but know something could come any moment.
- blunte 10y agoIt's a shame humor is so frowned upon here.
- phkahler 10y agoTime and place. time and place.
- nashashmi 10y agoBeen there, done that. No longer there! (Thank god!) I got ill not too long ago. And the lost the one part of me that I had the most pride in, my intelligence. This "thing" got me carried away. I looked down on people who did not have it. I assumed that this was part of everyone. It gave me zeal and ambition. It gave me hope and burdened with me dreams. And then I got ill with 106 deg. I lost my ability to recall memory. Before it my memory was on infinite replay. And now I could not remember my worst years of high school and best years of college. Gone was my pride, my hope, my expectations. And I realized I deserved it. What I realized after is that life is like a game of standing in front of projectiles. The longer you play, the more likely you are to get hit. The people who live on to 70, and never got really sick were very very very lucky. Another proof that God exists. We are all bound to get hit. Some of us harder than others. And if you don't it is a miracle. A proof that God is there intending to be this way. It may not be cancer or anything particular, but we are all likely to fall ill.
- CiPHPerCoder 10y ago...Why is this flagged?
- BinaryIdiot 10y agoThere are a subset of HN users who think HN needs to be 100% technology or it's not appropriate. Personally I find almost any topic fine for HN.
- dang 10y ago> Personally I find almost any topic fine for HN. As does the site iteself: https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html.
- 19eightyfour 10y agoTo the detractors: Human life and death is about technology. What's the point of technology? To make life better. This article offers a valuable perspectives on a few thing very relevant to technology. Dating sites, health and cancer. I think if you don't think this article is relevant then you're missing the point of technology. If you're in technology and Building Things for people then you can certainly learn something from this persons clearly written experience. If you don't think you can learn something, that's your deficit. And I think you should reexamine you're openness to learning. Maybe your protest against this article is more about your distaste for reminders of death. And if you can distinguish that distaste from the articles relevance, perhaps you shall see its relevance more clearly.
- ksherlock 10y agoIf you want to read the NY Times, you should go to the NY Times web site.
- dang 10y agoThe NYT is one of many welcome sources here: https://news.ycombinator.com/from?site=nytimes.com https://news.ycombinator.com/from?site=nytimes.com.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- minikites 10y agoI can't believe there were enough stone-hearted jerks to flag this story off the front page on a Friday afternoon. I guess "hackers" don't like being reminded that other people have emotions.
- dang 10y ago> I guess "hackers" don't like Sorry for the Spocklike response, but this is a non sequitur. If the HN userbase ("hackers") really don't like something, it basically never happens here—or rather it does, but it gets flagged out quickly, so it rarely shows up. (I'm talking about stories on the front page; the phenomenon happens in comment threads too, but more slowly.) So when you see something on HN that you don't like, it usually means the community is divided about it. Also, to put in a good word for those of us with emotional blockages, it usually isn't other people's feelings we're uncomfortable with, but our own—a difficult spot to be in.
- sndean 10y agoJust yesterday my fiancee told me about her day: A relatively healthy looking (and his chart agreed) 41 year old guy walked into the clinic with a severe headache around 10am. By around 4pm she had to tell his family he was likely brain dead. Because of this and other things she's seen recently, we're planning more trips. See the Seven Wonders of the World. I've only left this timezone a few times before. And we've both spent the first ~30 years of our lives in school... rethinking how much weight we've been putting on things.
- hkmurakami 10y agoIn 2013, I nearly died from getting hit by a car. I was 28. In 2014, a friend died in a car crash, a victim of a drunk reckless driver. He was 27. In 2017, my college roommate died in a lake accident. He left behind a wife and 6 adopted children from Africa (he was a man of God). He was 32. As others have noted, life is often long and investing in our future financial wellbeing is a prerogative. But sometimes life gets cut shockingly short. Take some withdrawls from the fruits of your hard work with those you love from time to time; don't save all of it for a future that sadly might not come for some of us.
- fictioncircle 10y agoYep. As Tech folks, honestly, we should just save up FU money and then stop worrying.
- hkmurakami 10y agoWhat's FU money to you? It can reasonably be anywhere between $200k~$20M.
- xyzzy4 10y agoIt can be $50k in India and other developing countries.
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- masterponomo 10y agoI can't help thinking the author is subtly c-blocking her hubby for all time with her incomparable saintliness.
- RangerScience 10y ago"To suspect your own mortality is to know the beginning of terror; to learn irrefutably that you are mortal is to know the end of terror." (Children of Dune)
- qznc 10y ago"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)
- Mz 10y agoBut if you make your peace with your own mortality at a relatively young age, it doesn't go over well to be too share-y about that with other people who haven't yet done the same. It doesn't convince them you are wise. It just apparently makes you scary as all hell. Or something.
- chris_chan_ 10y agoThanks, remind me that life is fragile. Ok, I am going to hospital and do a full body medical diagnostic scan now.
- chris_chan_ 10y agoThanks, remind me that life is fragile. Ok, I am going to hospital and do a full body medical diagnostic scan now.
- asktomsk 10y agoThis sheet is not Hacker News.
- finkin1 10y ago"There are ways to really live in the present moment. What's the alternative? It is always now. However much you feel you may need to plan for the future, to anticipate it, to mitigate risks, the reality of your life is now. This may sound trite... but it's the truth... As a matter of conscious experience, the reality of your life is always now. I think this is a liberating truth about the human mind. In fact, I think there is nothing more important to understand about your mind than that if you want to be happy in this world. The past is a memory. It's a thought arising in the present. The future is merely anticipated, it is another thought arising now. What we truly have is this moment. And this. And we spend most of our lives forgetting this truth. Repudiating it. Fleeing it. Overlooking it. And the horror is that we succeed. We manage to never really connect with the present moment and find fulfillment there because we are continually hoping to become happy in the future, and the future never arrives." - Sam Harris (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITTxTCz4Ums&t=17m52s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITTxTCz4Ums&t=17m52s)
- incanus77 10y agoEven when you try to live for today, things can broadside you. Last year, my wife, age 36, went from the healthiest person I knew to dead in four months from aggressive pancreatic cancer. http://justinmiller.io/posts/2016/06/07/writing-move-on/ http://justinmiller.io/posts/2016/06/07/writing-move-on/ These things happen and underscore the frailty in thinking that the present continues on unchecked and is bound by some sort of rule of inertia. Don't wait; do the things you want to do today.
- pmarreck 10y agoI'm very sorry. I hope you are coping as best you can. Good advice, though. I might add (as I'm going through it right now for the first time at 44 with my hetero domestic partner) to consider writing a last will and testament. Some lawyers' fees attached to it, but a sound thing to have as a contingency. It also forces you to think about your values.
- clort 10y agoThere are several legal documents that it might be wise to create in addition to a will. My sister (an ICU nurse), has been agitating recently for us to think about creating some kind of "advanced healthcare directive"[1] as she sees many cases where lack of this is problematic. My mother (retired, getting older) also wishes to set up an "enduring power of attorney"[2] as another relative had a fair amount of trouble last year due to not having something like this in place before the time of need. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advance_healthcare_directive https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advance_healthcare_directive [2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enduring_power_of_attorney https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enduring_power_of_attorney
- stevoski 10y agoThis happened to me too, a few years ago, at age 37. It's a nasty, nasty time to live through. I wish you the best, and hope you have some good, supportive people around you.
- mathattack 10y agoOh boy. I am very sorry to hear it.
- davidf18 10y agoA few years ago I would have been the victim of a terrorist attack in Jerusalem had I not gone into a store to buy a candy bar.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- davidf18 10y agoWhat kind of human being downvotes when someone survives a terrorist attack?
- staunch 10y agoTo me, the worst fact of life is to realize how intensely and tragically our ancestors suffered from lack of medical technology, and that it continues to our day. And the greatest fact of life is that all this suffering will soon be at an end. Our descendants will pity us, as we pity ours.
- staunch 10y agoOur descendants will pity us, as we pity our ancestors....lol
- thecrazyone 10y ago> Our descendants will pity us, as we pity ours. That's pithy :)
- touchofevil 10y agoI have found these samurai death poems to be pretty interesting when contemplating one's mortality. https://www.samurai-archives.com/deathq.html https://www.samurai-archives.com/deathq.html
- scott_karana 10y agoYikes. They're especially poignant/depressing when you consider that those men truly died moments after writing or uttering them. There is very little emotional distance from the end... :-/
- touchofevil 10y agoMy favorite on is by Uesugi Kenshin. "Even a life-long prosperity is but one cup of sake; A life of forty-nine years is passed in a dream; I know not what life is, nor death. Year in year out-all but a dream. Both Heaven and Hell are left behind; I stand in the moonlit dawn, Free from clouds of attachment."
- aj7 10y agoI've always been a saver and a dreamer. I get tremendous satisfaction simply reading and observing. This is unbalanced. So I married a very physical ball-of-energy life-of-the-party ex-ballerina. She survived simultaneous bouts with early-stage breast and ovarian cancer, and is healthy as a horse, knock on wood, and out socializing with her buddies right now. We purposely live beyond our means to maximize actuarial utility. You know what I mean. But the stress of living like that on this indoor cat is, ironically, killing me.
- NotSammyHagar 10y agoIt sounds like you need a little more balance.
- somesickdude 10y agoI'm not posting under my normal account as would prefer not to publicly disclose this to everyone. There is no right answer as to whether we should save for the future or spend every thing we want to do now and say fuck it since tomorrow may not come. I do believe it would serve well to try and strike a balance if possible. Forever I was only a penny pinching saver and thought everything could wait until I was able to retire (hopefully early). Then at age 29 I went in to see a doctor after I started to get extremely sick. I was a health/gym nut, but over the course of a year I had zero energy and couldn't recover from workouts. I started having blurred vision, shooting pains, seizures, vertigo, random falls, blacked out a couple of times, dropped about 30 pounds, and most of my hair fell out. After seeing quite a few doctors they found I had a developed multiple auto immune disorders, one of which attacks the pathways in the brain. When I was diagnosed several neurologists came and spoke with me and explained they could treat the symptoms, but that was it. The prognosis was and still is, they don't know. The illness is remitting relapsing so I will get so bad I'm that I honestly want to just die so that my pain can stop. Then six months later I'll feel almost normal and wonder how long it will last. The doctors say if I survive it long enough I will eventually be in a wheelchair or housebound. Maybe though my lungs will just stop working long enough that I suffocate. The week before last I was back at the gym working out like nothing is wrong, then last weekend I collapsed in my driveway. Seizures are back and my wife wants me to get a cain or something to help prevent falls as this one about landed me back in the ER.
- texthompson 10y agoI hope that you feel better soon.
- trdtaylor1 10y agoAttempt to solve your illness yourself. Use available resources. Create the disease in the books if it's not already done.
- AstralStorm 10y agoUnless you're a millionaire ready to sponsor big multiple labs, you are really out of luck. That is the hard truth. Unless you're lucky and someone happens to figure out and fund it. Using most of the personal energy and time might not really be advisable.
- sxates 10y agoThis makes me want to be a better husband.
- Bjorkbat 10y agoCuriously this has come at a weird time for me. I didn't think much of healthcare. I just turned 27, and like most twenty-somethings I have this idea that I'm immortal (not literally, but you get the idea). Lately though I've been dealing with a great deal of stress and anxiety related to my job, stress combined with the sickening feeling of doing something that in the long-term just feels so pointless. Coincidentally the internet seems to be preoccupied with cancer and death as of late, or maybe it could just be me. Prior to reading this earlier I found this arresting article regarding colon cancer rates rising in people my age. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/28/well/live/colon-and-rectal-cancers-rising-in-young-people.html https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/28/well/live/colon-and-recta... It has made me thought about my own mortality, but that only occupies half my thoughts. The other half are preoccupied with this sickening reality that our 21st century technology really isn't all that great. Sure, we are getting better at beating cancer. Immunotherapy seems especially promising. On the other hand though, it's almost maddening how many people develop a mild pain and find out it's late stage cancer after a doctor's appointment. Had they ignored said mild pain it could've progressed to the point where they're terminally ill. Facebook can probably build an elaborate psychological profile based on my online habits. It knows my mind. How strange that we can't hope to know our own bodies so well.
- bsder 10y ago> On the other hand though, it's almost maddening how many people develop a mild pain and find out it's late stage cancer after a doctor's appointment. And in the past we wouldn't have been able to diagnose it or treat it. Medicine gets better, but slowly. > Coincidentally the internet seems to be preoccupied with cancer and death as of late, or maybe it could just be me. Prior to reading this earlier I found this arresting article regarding colon cancer rates rising in people my age. The obsession is probably because cancer is one of the few disease things that actually kills people in the 30-50 cohort. As for the increase, the decrease in healthcare coverage in that group probably didn't help. You won't go to the doctor for non-specific gastrointestinal distress if you don't have healthcare. If you have healthcare, you're probably getting an ultrasound immediately which will catch tumors and growths. I might also point out the increasing normalization of anal sex among heterosexual individuals is likely to play a part in the colon cancer increase. Throat cancers also increased and that seems to be linked to more oral sex.
- 19eightyfour 10y agoHave a pleasant journey, Mrs Krouse Rosenthal
- RikNieu 10y agoI often reflect on the fact that everything is temporary. The people in my life, my abilities, my opinions and attitudes... I learned this sharply throughout my twenties, and it lead me into a deep dive into Buddhism. The past is gone, the future is a figment of my imagination. My interpretation of what's happening now is up for debate... Nothing I rely on, or want to rely on, is stable and dependable. All is subject to change, the good and the bad. You have to find your anchor point or stability in the present moment. If you pay attention, you'll see that that is all there is, really. And it comes and goes, always, fleeting. Buddhist monks have to reflect on the '5 Remembrances' every morning. It might do us all good to do so too. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upajjhatthana_Sutta https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upajjhatthana_Sutta
- vbnmqwerty 10y agoIt saddens me to read this. And I know what I am going to say may not be popular but if anybody can contact the woman or if anybody is sick of such terminal disease your creator Jesus wants to save you. There are thousands of miracles happening everyday in his name. Please what have you got to lose science has failed you only believe in Jesus he wants to save you and your loved ones. I am a witness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzZm6kyjYVk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzZm6kyjYVk https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=t+b+joshua+amazing+healings https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=t+b+joshua+amaz... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqQrT84kjc4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqQrT84kjc4 how is the above possible. Please belive in Jesus he wants to save you and heal you. Its the devil killing you.
- thecrazyone 10y agoSuch a heart warming thing to do, this made me tear up now Such a beautiful person (the wife) I sincerely wish things were better. My hear goes out to you :')
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- magaret 10y agoAfter so many recommendations and commendation about his good work.i decided to check out his good work by hiring him to hack into my fiances phone after i caught him recieving a ladys call frequently,chatting late at night,going out unusual.i found out to know my fiance has been cheating on me.please guyz dont underestimate this dude,he is indeed exceptional in any hack jobs as facebook,whatsapp,phones,upgrade of credit score,bank account/bank transfers,password retrieval etc..Seventy7hacker@hotmail.com will give you what you need.
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