7 ms·

Having a ‘work spouse’ makes you happier?

45 points by FuNe 10y ago

elcapitan 10y ago
Oh that's going to make work life really wonderful for everybody. http://assets.amuniversal.com/66b0ae4066380134c959005056a9545d http://assets.amuniversal.com/66b0ae4066380134c959005056a954...
adaml_623 10y ago
"Conventional wisdom holds that colleagues shouldn’t get too close, but the changing nature of the workplace is throwing traditional human resources manuals out the window." I hate it when people just make up stuff. "They say that cucumbers were once used as weapons".
- pluma 10y ago
  > Conventional wisdom holds that colleagues shouldn’t get too close AKA ridiculous draconian employment contracts that are illegal in many other countries.
- Traubenfuchs 10y ago
  It's not that far fetched: I once worked for one of the biggest banks in my country and when the branch manager and a random employee made their relationship public the lower employee was put in another branch.
  - sp332 10y ago
    But the article isn't about actual relationships. It's basically about having a "best friend" at work with no romance.
- mathattack 10y ago
  It depends on the nature of the company. In some situations (ie. corporate turnarounds) it can be hard to make tough decisions if you're overly concerned about the personal feelings attached to each decision. This can create paralysis. It's also very hard to fire people in situations when everyone is buddy/buddy.
ainiriand 10y ago
Oh god... Postmodernism at its best. Also, why is the title of the HN entry dashed?
- FuNe 10y ago
  Care to elaborate a bit on the Postmodernism part ?
  - ainiriand 10y ago
    Sure, there are a lot of new concepts of living in this new postmodern era, some examples: - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freeganism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freeganism - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Job_sharing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Job_sharing There are many more examples of new concepts related to postmodernism. Really related is the concept of 'postmodern society': https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postmodernity#Postmodern_society https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postmodernity#Postmodern_socie... Seriously I dont get the downvotes, but I dont care that much.
alexgotoi 10y ago
Sometimes the spouse turns into husband/wife. Risky business
- FuNe 10y ago
  This depends a bit on the demographics of the company but it is quite common these days. After all -sad as it may be- people spent an insane amount of time at work and for lots of folks work is the only social circle they maintain.
dspillett 10y ago
Conversely a couple of years ago I made a conscious effort to significantly separate my work and personal lives, and I feel a lot better for it. I'm still friendly with people in office hours and join for company socials, but no one here connects to me on "social media" and there are a very select few who or socialise with more generally. Yes, I sometimes miss out on a few things, but I think I've gained far more in terms of being able to shut off when I go home if nothing else. Perhaps it makes me less loyal, but before that time my loyalty was somewhat abused so I don't feel at all bad about that, and I still do the "above and beyond" thing when genuinely needed, more so than others I could mention, particularly under the new regime who I currently trust more than the last lot to give a fig about my needs.
- phereford 10y ago
  Who do you feel less loyal to? I only ask as I essentially try to keep the same boundaries but don't feel less loyal. I actually feel more loyal as I have more _focused_ time for the company, but this is probably just a rationalization on my part. Edit: My question is more along the lines of: Do you feel less loyal to the company or to the people within the company?
  - dspillett 10y ago
    I feel less overly loyal to the company, having found a more healthy balance. I still think I put more in than some though that is through a mix of professional and personal pride more than loyalty (though I suppose loyalty is part of that). That may change with time as the new regime does seem determined to do some things right that the previous did no more than pay lip service to. To the people: I'm more selectively loyal than I once was. There are even still some that I actively socialise with (though there is still a social media disconnect). Though even with the social media disconnect, nothing I post isn't public or something that I'd be fine with becoming public (if it were private I'd communicate it by other means) so if they or the company want to monitor me that way they can do.
- kbart 10y ago
  I also keep my work and personal life separate and can't be happier about it. I don't give my personal phone number, online names or even email to anyone just because we work together. It's not 100% rule, if I find mutual interest with a certain person I work with I might want to keep a contact outside of working hours, but these are exceptions, not the rule. I've been asked for my online identity few times during job interviews, but a polite response of "Sorry, I don't use my personal Facebook, Google+, Twitter etc. for business matters" did the trick and I was offered these positions anyway.
facepalm 10y ago
So that is why everybody wants more women in tech. They are nice and beneficial to spouse with.
- david04 10y ago
  So. True. haha
glandium 10y ago
Oh my, when I read about it in Dilbert a few weeks ago, I thought it was made up and funny. Is that really a thing?
- FroshKiller 10y ago
  Yes. My actual wife works in the same office as me, and we both have work spouses. It's actually common in my experience.
  - mhurron 10y ago
    It used to be called 'having friends.' Everything has to have a stupid new name for it now.
    - kbart 10y ago
      Yes, I don't get why we need that "wife/husband/spouse" name instead of "friend" or "buddy"? Wife/husband/spouse sounds very intimate, and I don't think it's a good idea to imply something intimate with your coworker (unless you really like her/him and plan to advance, but that's another problem). Also, I don't think my girlfriend would be excited either when I text her back: "oh, don't worry, I'm just having dinner with my work-wife".
      - FroshKiller 10y ago
        I can only speak for myself, but it is a more intimate relationship than that of a work friend. "Intimate" doesn't mean "romantic." I spend much more time interacting with my work spouse than with any other co-worker. We trust each other with things we wouldn't necessarily take to other work friends, like plans for our careers. We also provide for each other: snacks, Tylenol, contact solution, a fresh pen, whatever.
        frgtpsswrdlame 10y ago
        That still just sounds like a friend...
gcatalfamo 10y ago
No, wait, seriously. What about the real wives asking "so who's this Tammy that keeps messaging you?" "Oh, it's just my work-wife, Sharon. We have been laughing all day at work when our boss spilled his coffee." Yes. That is gonna work for sure.
- gcatalfamo 10y ago
  I'll reply to my own comment with one thing: I was the "work-husband" of a girl. That girl is now my wife. Real wife. I have never been happier, but the point is that the platonic-ness of such close relationship can't be always safeguarded. I mean it not in a negative affair-wise connotation, but still you can't help it. And what if some of the two is not actually single?
  - mathgeek 10y ago
    Which begs the question: if you had been married at the time, would you have left your then-spouse for your current wife as a result of being so close at work? Hypothetical, naturally. For many people who are in the wife's role of that question, that situation is all too real.
    - sjg007 10y ago
      Happens a lot.
- batina 10y ago
  Couldn't be more true!
- Cyph0n 10y ago
  Also, the claim that it's purely platonic is a bit strong. Feelings can develop suddenly, which can destroy your current marriage in the worst case.
emilsoman 10y ago
Is it okay for a female to find a work spouse in another female? Is it okay to have multiple work wives? I am a guy and there are guys at office who I trust, have the same sense of humor etc. Am I work-gay? I don't get this.
- krallja 10y ago
  Sure. My female cousin posts about her work wife on Instagram.
- FroshKiller 10y ago
  My actual wife has a work wife. I arguably have a work husband in addition to my work wife, but I don't think he'd identify that way.
- stupidcar 10y ago
  Sounds like you're a bit of a work-player.
- gutnor 10y ago
  Gay/Straight is a biological affair, I guess when you stay in the realm of the mental/platonic it does not really matter. That reminds me of the Vampire stories of Anne Rice in which vampires had all sort of gay/straight/incestuous love affairs. I thought that was strange (as a teen), but it actually really make sense when you remove sex (bodily functions in general for vampire) and biology from the equation.
dmichulke 10y ago
Probably this article would have not been posted here (and the underlying survey funded) if they were using the word "good colleague". Using "spouse" instead suggests a sexual dimension that just isn't there. Even the original survey result quoted is about a work colleague: Special, platonic friendship with a work colleague characterised by ... So, the title is IMO clickbait.
- jasonlotito 10y ago
  Except the term is the common term for the relationship being described. It's the most accurate title.
  - atwebb 10y ago
    >Except the term is the common term I feel really out of the loop, I've never heard it, at least not enough to stick. US based if that makes a difference.
    - FroshKiller 10y ago
      I don't know whether you're out of the loop, but I work in the southeastern US and have been familiar with the term going back to 2012 or so.
      - atwebb 10y ago
        Huh, guess so, same area, I'm just not in the inner circle :)
    - throwaway2016a 10y ago
      I've heard the term before (in the US). I don't know how common it is. But I work at a small company and AFAIK their are none here. Although when two of the execs get on each other's nerves I have heard the phrase "Mom and Dad are having a fight again"
    - jasonlotito 10y ago
JoeyBagadonuts 10y ago
In the Navy, we refer to these partners as "boat boos". There are varying levels of intimacy, but many are just close friends who aren't so close anymore when the ship returns to home port and everyone goes back to their real lives/wives. This can apply to single people who have work as their connection, look forward to seeing each other during the work day, but then leave it all at the office when they go home.
SCdF 10y ago
Or "friends", as they once used to be called.
- FroshKiller 10y ago
  No, I have to disagree. Personally, I have a wide gamut of relationships at work. I'm lucky enough to work with my wife and many of my college friends, and I have several "work friends" and a work spouse. They're all quite different. I'd never describe my work spouse as a "friend."
  - SCdF 10y ago
    What would the differences be to you? The article describes them as "a significant, but platonic, other whom you pair up with at the office". To me that's what a close friend is (as opposed to an acquaintance etc). I've definitely had friends like that at work, and usually only one or two at any given job.
    - FroshKiller 10y ago
      Again, I'm speaking personally, I'm aware other people have different experiences and different opinions. That said: Work is not the most important thing in my life. A friend is a person who is meaningful to me outside of work. A work friend is someone who is meaningful to me only at work. I can be friends with someone from work, but that is quite a shift that I haven't made with many people. A work spouse is someone I'm quite a bit closer to than a work friend, but that person still isn't a friend in the meaning I ascribe to the term. I talk to work friends about what movies we've seen, which browser we prefer, who has the most annoying laugh in the office, whatever. But we don't generally talk about how we expect our reviews to go, what teams we'd like to manage, etc. Conversely, I do talk about that stuff with my work wife. If I'm not sure about how best to convey that I think an assignment is a waste of time, I talk it over with her, not with the guy on the fifth floor I exchange TV show reviews with. I like my work wife quite a bit, and I value her opinions and trust her with mine, but we've never been to each other's home. We don't make plans for weekend outings. We've never seen each other drunk. She's not a friend. If she leaves the company, I probably won't keep in touch. Part of the point of a work spouse is the shared experience of the place of employment. That's why it's "work" spouse and not "professional" spouse. I could see a work spouse becoming a close friend, sure. But one doesn't imply the other.
lawry 10y ago
The same goes with sports, school-projects, startups. Having a "partner" (as I like to call it) motivates you a lot, and really brings the best in you out. Also having a common goal is huge, which is something you might not always have in love relationship. I've also found it can bring you down if the partnership does not work out, and you're left alone.
- douche 10y ago
  I've never felt that way. Things are always best when they can be done alone, and you are either measuring yourself against yourself, or against the environment. People are unreliable and bail constantly.
  - FroshKiller 10y ago
    Your comment saddened me. As far as we know, there are only 7.5 billion people in the entire universe. None of us would get very far alone, and on the cosmic scale, each individual is damn close to being alone. Iron sharpens iron!
SixSigma 10y ago
Watch Episodes of 3's A Crowd, see how that works out https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=3%27s+a+crowd+gameshow https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=3%27s+a+crowd+g...
1123581321 10y ago
We use the terms "work brother" and "work sister" to describe this on my team. It allows us to acknowledge close relationships without any negative connotations.
- FroshKiller 10y ago
  That works, too, but you don't get to choose your brothers and sisters. It makes more sense to describe teammates like that, though, since you have to work with them whether you like them or not.
  - 1123581321 10y ago
    True. I've never thought of a work spouse as something intentionally chosen either, though. And the term isn't used by everyone in the room to describe everyone else. We sometimes say "work coworker" as a joke to describe aloof/standoffish peers.
    - FroshKiller 10y ago
      I like work coworker. I'm going to use that. The level of involvement you have with a work spouse is something you choose to create. No one is dictating the terms of the relationship. Management can assign you to a team and give you teammates, but they can't say that this person or that person is your work spouse. You decide whom to confide in.
torrent-of-ions 10y ago
Erm.. yeah, sure it does, until the affair come to light and messes everything up. I can't seem to find the source data for this. Is it published?
- FroshKiller 10y ago
  It's not an affair. You should read more closely.
  - torrent-of-ions 10y ago
    Yes, so they claim.
- torrent-of-ions 10y ago
  I found it, but can't access it: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10510974.2015.1029640 http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10510974.2015.102...
bshimmin 10y ago
Only two people in McBride and Bergen’s survey reported having romantic feelings or flirting with their work spouse. Or perhaps: s/reported/admitted/ I honestly have no idea what this article is trying to say. I've had male and female friends at workplaces, and those friendships have sometimes (not always, but sometimes) continued when we stopped working together. The word "spouse" never came into it, but the word "friend" (rather than "colleague") certainly did, you know, after a bit.
e40 10y ago
I find the terminology off putting. Isn't it really just someone that you bond with at work, beyond the normal day-to-day work stuff?
scarface74 10y ago
My general rule is no appearance of impropriety now that I'm married. That means I will usually not go to lunch alone with a female coworker we always go in groups. I don't talk about my personal life outside of pleasantries, only social network connection I will have is on linkedIn. Even if physical infidelity is avoided, it's too easy to get involved in an emotional affair with someone you spend one third of your waking weekday hours with and since you are in the same industry, by definition you have a lot of the same interest. Unless it's urgent. No direct messages on Slack after work hours.
jackskell 10y ago
Words mean things. Trying to be PC or "clever" to try to advance an agenda is disingenuous. If I had a work spouse, does that mean I get alimony when we move on? If we're emotionally close enough to be considered "spouses" do we get special company policies designed to give us special privileges? If we split do we get a "work-divorce" and fight over our "child" projects"? If I have more than one "work spouse" at a time does that make make me a "work polygamist" subject to sanction by HR? Let's not lose the language, people.

45 points by FuNe 10y ago

Oh that's going to make work life really wonderful for everybody. http://assets.amuniversal.com/66b0ae4066380134c959005056a9545d http://assets.amuniversal.com/66b0ae4066380134c959005056a954...

adaml_623 10y ago

"Conventional wisdom holds that colleagues shouldn’t get too close, but the changing nature of the workplace is throwing traditional human resources manuals out the window." I hate it when people just make up stuff. "They say that cucumbers were once used as weapons".

pluma 10y ago
> Conventional wisdom holds that colleagues shouldn’t get too close AKA ridiculous draconian employment contracts that are illegal in many other countries.
Traubenfuchs 10y ago
It's not that far fetched: I once worked for one of the biggest banks in my country and when the branch manager and a random employee made their relationship public the lower employee was put in another branch.
- sp332 10y ago
  But the article isn't about actual relationships. It's basically about having a "best friend" at work with no romance.
mathattack 10y ago
It depends on the nature of the company. In some situations (ie. corporate turnarounds) it can be hard to make tough decisions if you're overly concerned about the personal feelings attached to each decision. This can create paralysis. It's also very hard to fire people in situations when everyone is buddy/buddy.

ainiriand 10y ago

Oh god... Postmodernism at its best. Also, why is the title of the HN entry dashed?

FuNe 10y ago
Care to elaborate a bit on the Postmodernism part ?
- ainiriand 10y ago
  Sure, there are a lot of new concepts of living in this new postmodern era, some examples: - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freeganism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freeganism - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Job_sharing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Job_sharing There are many more examples of new concepts related to postmodernism. Really related is the concept of 'postmodern society': https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postmodernity#Postmodern_society https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postmodernity#Postmodern_socie... Seriously I dont get the downvotes, but I dont care that much.

alexgotoi 10y ago

Sometimes the spouse turns into husband/wife. Risky business

FuNe 10y ago
This depends a bit on the demographics of the company but it is quite common these days. After all -sad as it may be- people spent an insane amount of time at work and for lots of folks work is the only social circle they maintain.

dspillett 10y ago

Conversely a couple of years ago I made a conscious effort to significantly separate my work and personal lives, and I feel a lot better for it. I'm still friendly with people in office hours and join for company socials, but no one here connects to me on "social media" and there are a very select few who or socialise with more generally. Yes, I sometimes miss out on a few things, but I think I've gained far more in terms of being able to shut off when I go home if nothing else. Perhaps it makes me less loyal, but before that time my loyalty was somewhat abused so I don't feel at all bad about that, and I still do the "above and beyond" thing when genuinely needed, more so than others I could mention, particularly under the new regime who I currently trust more than the last lot to give a fig about my needs.

phereford 10y ago
Who do you feel less loyal to? I only ask as I essentially try to keep the same boundaries but don't feel less loyal. I actually feel more loyal as I have more _focused_ time for the company, but this is probably just a rationalization on my part. Edit: My question is more along the lines of: Do you feel less loyal to the company or to the people within the company?
- dspillett 10y ago
  I feel less overly loyal to the company, having found a more healthy balance. I still think I put more in than some though that is through a mix of professional and personal pride more than loyalty (though I suppose loyalty is part of that). That may change with time as the new regime does seem determined to do some things right that the previous did no more than pay lip service to. To the people: I'm more selectively loyal than I once was. There are even still some that I actively socialise with (though there is still a social media disconnect). Though even with the social media disconnect, nothing I post isn't public or something that I'd be fine with becoming public (if it were private I'd communicate it by other means) so if they or the company want to monitor me that way they can do.
kbart 10y ago
I also keep my work and personal life separate and can't be happier about it. I don't give my personal phone number, online names or even email to anyone just because we work together. It's not 100% rule, if I find mutual interest with a certain person I work with I might want to keep a contact outside of working hours, but these are exceptions, not the rule. I've been asked for my online identity few times during job interviews, but a polite response of "Sorry, I don't use my personal Facebook, Google+, Twitter etc. for business matters" did the trick and I was offered these positions anyway.

facepalm 10y ago

So that is why everybody wants more women in tech. They are nice and beneficial to spouse with.

david04 10y ago
So. True. haha

glandium 10y ago

Oh my, when I read about it in Dilbert a few weeks ago, I thought it was made up and funny. Is that really a thing?

FroshKiller 10y ago
Yes. My actual wife works in the same office as me, and we both have work spouses. It's actually common in my experience.
- mhurron 10y ago
  It used to be called 'having friends.' Everything has to have a stupid new name for it now.
  - kbart 10y ago
    Yes, I don't get why we need that "wife/husband/spouse" name instead of "friend" or "buddy"? Wife/husband/spouse sounds very intimate, and I don't think it's a good idea to imply something intimate with your coworker (unless you really like her/him and plan to advance, but that's another problem). Also, I don't think my girlfriend would be excited either when I text her back: "oh, don't worry, I'm just having dinner with my work-wife".
    - FroshKiller 10y ago
      I can only speak for myself, but it is a more intimate relationship than that of a work friend. "Intimate" doesn't mean "romantic." I spend much more time interacting with my work spouse than with any other co-worker. We trust each other with things we wouldn't necessarily take to other work friends, like plans for our careers. We also provide for each other: snacks, Tylenol, contact solution, a fresh pen, whatever.
      - frgtpsswrdlame 10y ago
        That still just sounds like a friend...

gcatalfamo 10y ago

No, wait, seriously. What about the real wives asking "so who's this Tammy that keeps messaging you?" "Oh, it's just my work-wife, Sharon. We have been laughing all day at work when our boss spilled his coffee." Yes. That is gonna work for sure.

gcatalfamo 10y ago
I'll reply to my own comment with one thing: I was the "work-husband" of a girl. That girl is now my wife. Real wife. I have never been happier, but the point is that the platonic-ness of such close relationship can't be always safeguarded. I mean it not in a negative affair-wise connotation, but still you can't help it. And what if some of the two is not actually single?
- mathgeek 10y ago
  Which begs the question: if you had been married at the time, would you have left your then-spouse for your current wife as a result of being so close at work? Hypothetical, naturally. For many people who are in the wife's role of that question, that situation is all too real.
  - sjg007 10y ago
    Happens a lot.
batina 10y ago
Couldn't be more true!
Cyph0n 10y ago
Also, the claim that it's purely platonic is a bit strong. Feelings can develop suddenly, which can destroy your current marriage in the worst case.

emilsoman 10y ago

Is it okay for a female to find a work spouse in another female? Is it okay to have multiple work wives? I am a guy and there are guys at office who I trust, have the same sense of humor etc. Am I work-gay? I don't get this.

krallja 10y ago
Sure. My female cousin posts about her work wife on Instagram.
FroshKiller 10y ago
My actual wife has a work wife. I arguably have a work husband in addition to my work wife, but I don't think he'd identify that way.
stupidcar 10y ago
Sounds like you're a bit of a work-player.
gutnor 10y ago
Gay/Straight is a biological affair, I guess when you stay in the realm of the mental/platonic it does not really matter. That reminds me of the Vampire stories of Anne Rice in which vampires had all sort of gay/straight/incestuous love affairs. I thought that was strange (as a teen), but it actually really make sense when you remove sex (bodily functions in general for vampire) and biology from the equation.

dmichulke 10y ago

Probably this article would have not been posted here (and the underlying survey funded) if they were using the word "good colleague". Using "spouse" instead suggests a sexual dimension that just isn't there. Even the original survey result quoted is about a work colleague: Special, platonic friendship with a work colleague characterised by ... So, the title is IMO clickbait.

jasonlotito 10y ago
Except the term is the common term for the relationship being described. It's the most accurate title.
- atwebb 10y ago
  >Except the term is the common term I feel really out of the loop, I've never heard it, at least not enough to stick. US based if that makes a difference.
  - FroshKiller 10y ago
    I don't know whether you're out of the loop, but I work in the southeastern US and have been familiar with the term going back to 2012 or so.
    - atwebb 10y ago
      Huh, guess so, same area, I'm just not in the inner circle :)
  - throwaway2016a 10y ago
    I've heard the term before (in the US). I don't know how common it is. But I work at a small company and AFAIK their are none here. Although when two of the execs get on each other's nerves I have heard the phrase "Mom and Dad are having a fight again"
  - jasonlotito 10y ago

JoeyBagadonuts 10y ago

In the Navy, we refer to these partners as "boat boos". There are varying levels of intimacy, but many are just close friends who aren't so close anymore when the ship returns to home port and everyone goes back to their real lives/wives. This can apply to single people who have work as their connection, look forward to seeing each other during the work day, but then leave it all at the office when they go home.

SCdF 10y ago

Or "friends", as they once used to be called.

FroshKiller 10y ago
No, I have to disagree. Personally, I have a wide gamut of relationships at work. I'm lucky enough to work with my wife and many of my college friends, and I have several "work friends" and a work spouse. They're all quite different. I'd never describe my work spouse as a "friend."
- SCdF 10y ago
  What would the differences be to you? The article describes them as "a significant, but platonic, other whom you pair up with at the office". To me that's what a close friend is (as opposed to an acquaintance etc). I've definitely had friends like that at work, and usually only one or two at any given job.
  - FroshKiller 10y ago
    Again, I'm speaking personally, I'm aware other people have different experiences and different opinions. That said: Work is not the most important thing in my life. A friend is a person who is meaningful to me outside of work. A work friend is someone who is meaningful to me only at work. I can be friends with someone from work, but that is quite a shift that I haven't made with many people. A work spouse is someone I'm quite a bit closer to than a work friend, but that person still isn't a friend in the meaning I ascribe to the term. I talk to work friends about what movies we've seen, which browser we prefer, who has the most annoying laugh in the office, whatever. But we don't generally talk about how we expect our reviews to go, what teams we'd like to manage, etc. Conversely, I do talk about that stuff with my work wife. If I'm not sure about how best to convey that I think an assignment is a waste of time, I talk it over with her, not with the guy on the fifth floor I exchange TV show reviews with. I like my work wife quite a bit, and I value her opinions and trust her with mine, but we've never been to each other's home. We don't make plans for weekend outings. We've never seen each other drunk. She's not a friend. If she leaves the company, I probably won't keep in touch. Part of the point of a work spouse is the shared experience of the place of employment. That's why it's "work" spouse and not "professional" spouse. I could see a work spouse becoming a close friend, sure. But one doesn't imply the other.

lawry 10y ago

The same goes with sports, school-projects, startups. Having a "partner" (as I like to call it) motivates you a lot, and really brings the best in you out. Also having a common goal is huge, which is something you might not always have in love relationship. I've also found it can bring you down if the partnership does not work out, and you're left alone.

douche 10y ago
I've never felt that way. Things are always best when they can be done alone, and you are either measuring yourself against yourself, or against the environment. People are unreliable and bail constantly.
- FroshKiller 10y ago
  Your comment saddened me. As far as we know, there are only 7.5 billion people in the entire universe. None of us would get very far alone, and on the cosmic scale, each individual is damn close to being alone. Iron sharpens iron!

SixSigma 10y ago

Watch Episodes of 3's A Crowd, see how that works out https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=3%27s+a+crowd+gameshow https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=3%27s+a+crowd+g...

1123581321 10y ago

We use the terms "work brother" and "work sister" to describe this on my team. It allows us to acknowledge close relationships without any negative connotations.

FroshKiller 10y ago
That works, too, but you don't get to choose your brothers and sisters. It makes more sense to describe teammates like that, though, since you have to work with them whether you like them or not.
- 1123581321 10y ago
  True. I've never thought of a work spouse as something intentionally chosen either, though. And the term isn't used by everyone in the room to describe everyone else. We sometimes say "work coworker" as a joke to describe aloof/standoffish peers.
  - FroshKiller 10y ago
    I like work coworker. I'm going to use that. The level of involvement you have with a work spouse is something you choose to create. No one is dictating the terms of the relationship. Management can assign you to a team and give you teammates, but they can't say that this person or that person is your work spouse. You decide whom to confide in.

torrent-of-ions 10y ago

Erm.. yeah, sure it does, until the affair come to light and messes everything up. I can't seem to find the source data for this. Is it published?

FroshKiller 10y ago
It's not an affair. You should read more closely.
- torrent-of-ions 10y ago
  Yes, so they claim.
torrent-of-ions 10y ago
I found it, but can't access it: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10510974.2015.1029640 http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10510974.2015.102...

bshimmin 10y ago

Only two people in McBride and Bergen’s survey reported having romantic feelings or flirting with their work spouse. Or perhaps: s/reported/admitted/ I honestly have no idea what this article is trying to say. I've had male and female friends at workplaces, and those friendships have sometimes (not always, but sometimes) continued when we stopped working together. The word "spouse" never came into it, but the word "friend" (rather than "colleague") certainly did, you know, after a bit.

e40 10y ago

I find the terminology off putting. Isn't it really just someone that you bond with at work, beyond the normal day-to-day work stuff?

scarface74 10y ago

My general rule is no appearance of impropriety now that I'm married. That means I will usually not go to lunch alone with a female coworker we always go in groups. I don't talk about my personal life outside of pleasantries, only social network connection I will have is on linkedIn. Even if physical infidelity is avoided, it's too easy to get involved in an emotional affair with someone you spend one third of your waking weekday hours with and since you are in the same industry, by definition you have a lot of the same interest. Unless it's urgent. No direct messages on Slack after work hours.

jackskell 10y ago

Words mean things. Trying to be PC or "clever" to try to advance an agenda is disingenuous. If I had a work spouse, does that mean I get alimony when we move on? If we're emotionally close enough to be considered "spouses" do we get special company policies designed to give us special privileges? If we split do we get a "work-divorce" and fight over our "child" projects"? If I have more than one "work spouse" at a time does that make make me a "work polygamist" subject to sanction by HR? Let's not lose the language, people.