6 ms·

Reminds me also of the aphorism "The only things you will regret are the things you didn't do" (my emphasis). Those who decided to have plastic surgery are 'ha

Reminds me also of the aphorism "The only things you will regret are the things you didn't do" (my emphasis). Those who decided to have plastic surgery are 'happier' than those who thought about it but decided not to go ahead. Would be interesting to see if a similar effect shows up in other large decisions - eg, people who decided not to buy a house v those who took on the debt; people who decided not to move overseas v those who took the plunge. In other words, this may have nothing to do with plastic surgery and may reflect a deeper underlying source of (un)happiness. Me personally, I have just one regret in life: that I didn't rob a bank when I had the chance. [EDIT TO ADD] When I was fifteen, I headed in to my local bank to withdraw some cash. Troublingly, my 'local' branch was close to where I was at boarding school, some 100 miles from the branch where my account was established - and it transpired that the signature on my account was still my mother. We'd not updated it since the account was opened nearly ten years earlier. Maybe they felt sorry for the poor boarding school kid with no money. I suspect I hammed that up a little. Because rather than referring me back to the original branch, the customer service representative headed out the back to see what she could do. For a LONG time. About fifteen minutes in to the wait, I leant over her desk and noticed, in among the paperclips, a 20 cent piece (this is Australia). I looked around - cameras, probably, but nobody watching. And so my brain starts ticking - surely I could casually reach out, grab that coin, and pocket it without being noticed. Surely she wouldn't notice on her return - if she even knew the 20c was there. It was a risk ... but for the rest of my life, I'd be able to tell people I robbed a bank! I probably spent another fifteen minutes pondering the decision. Which was too long - she returned, and the opportunity was lost. For what it's worth, I was able to withdraw funds legally. She'd had a great conversation with a teller at the originating branch, who it turned out knew my father (everybody does). Based on descriptions of my father, and comparisons to me, my rep felt confident I was indeed who I said I was and changed the signature on the account from my mother to myself. Now THAT'S a great customer service story as well. Or a tale of social engineering being the weakest link in any security plans. But for me, nearly twenty years later, it's just the story about the day I could've robbed a bank ... and didn't.

J-dawg 11y ago
I recently had some counselling, and one thing the therapist spent a long time talking about was self-agency. It was something of a revelation for me. I realised I had essentially been drifting along in life for a long time, allowing decisions to be made for me and avoiding conflict wherever possible. He described self-agency as like a muscle that needs to be exercised, even in small day-to-day ways. A sense of self-agency seems to be fundamental to good mental health. >> Me personally, I have just one regret in life: that I didn't rob a bank when I had the chance. Oh come on, you can't just leave that hanging there. Hope you can share the story without incriminating yourself! EDIT: Great story, and for what it's worth I think you probably made the right decision. It could easily have ended up being the story of how a bright kid had his prospects ruined over the theft of 20 cents, because of the bank's "we always prosecute" policy and an over-zealous legal system.
- JacobAldridge 11y ago
  Cheers. Re: the Self-Agency stuff, I agree completely. I've personally selected the psychological viewing platform that "I create the whole of my own reality". [1] The key word is "whole" - with this perspective, I am 100% responsible for everything that happens in my world. I get cut off in traffic - I created that; a song comes on the radio - I created that song. Now, intellectually, it's complete BS. My brain will never accept that extreme level of self-agency. And I don't pretend I do an amazing job of living it all day every day. But from a happiness perspective? (Hence referring to it as a 'viewing platform' - one perspective on the world.) It's incredible. Fundamentally liberating because I don't live in a world of blame, excuses, regret, other people letting me down. Something incredible happens - I take full responsibility. Something terrible happens - I take full responsibility. Perhaps a little too 'out there' for most, but I'm happier than I was before and I believe that self-agency filter I choose for everything is the reason. [1] See http://www.openup.com.au http://www.openup.com.au And yep - I found them through my father. Man that guy knows everyone!
  - J-dawg 11y ago
    I'm intrigued by your viewing platform. My brain instantly wants to reject it too. Also, it seems like it could lead to a lot of self-recrimination and beating yourself up. Why should I feel responsible for someone else cutting me up in traffic? I feel like I'm probably misunderstanding something fundamental. Seeing as we seem to be on the same wavelength I'd like to try harder to understand it. I have lived in a (self-created) world of blame, excuses and regret. Especially regret! Anything that helps to move away from that can only be a good thing.

J-dawg 11y ago

I recently had some counselling, and one thing the therapist spent a long time talking about was self-agency. It was something of a revelation for me. I realised I had essentially been drifting along in life for a long time, allowing decisions to be made for me and avoiding conflict wherever possible. He described self-agency as like a muscle that needs to be exercised, even in small day-to-day ways. A sense of self-agency seems to be fundamental to good mental health. >> Me personally, I have just one regret in life: that I didn't rob a bank when I had the chance. Oh come on, you can't just leave that hanging there. Hope you can share the story without incriminating yourself! EDIT: Great story, and for what it's worth I think you probably made the right decision. It could easily have ended up being the story of how a bright kid had his prospects ruined over the theft of 20 cents, because of the bank's "we always prosecute" policy and an over-zealous legal system.

JacobAldridge 11y ago
Cheers. Re: the Self-Agency stuff, I agree completely. I've personally selected the psychological viewing platform that "I create the whole of my own reality". [1] The key word is "whole" - with this perspective, I am 100% responsible for everything that happens in my world. I get cut off in traffic - I created that; a song comes on the radio - I created that song. Now, intellectually, it's complete BS. My brain will never accept that extreme level of self-agency. And I don't pretend I do an amazing job of living it all day every day. But from a happiness perspective? (Hence referring to it as a 'viewing platform' - one perspective on the world.) It's incredible. Fundamentally liberating because I don't live in a world of blame, excuses, regret, other people letting me down. Something incredible happens - I take full responsibility. Something terrible happens - I take full responsibility. Perhaps a little too 'out there' for most, but I'm happier than I was before and I believe that self-agency filter I choose for everything is the reason. [1] See http://www.openup.com.au http://www.openup.com.au And yep - I found them through my father. Man that guy knows everyone!
- J-dawg 11y ago
  I'm intrigued by your viewing platform. My brain instantly wants to reject it too. Also, it seems like it could lead to a lot of self-recrimination and beating yourself up. Why should I feel responsible for someone else cutting me up in traffic? I feel like I'm probably misunderstanding something fundamental. Seeing as we seem to be on the same wavelength I'd like to try harder to understand it. I have lived in a (self-created) world of blame, excuses and regret. Especially regret! Anything that helps to move away from that can only be a good thing.