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I relate to this guy so much. > It makes me really happy when another Christmas or birthday has passed and I didn’t receive anything. It makes me feel understo

I relate to this guy so much. > It makes me really happy when another Christmas or birthday has passed and I didn’t receive anything. It makes me feel understood. My sister and I have this arrangement. I tell her every Christmas that her gift (nothing) is the best one, because I don't have to figure out where to store more junk until enough time has passed that I don't feel guilty throwing it away. She's even more of a clean freak than I am — I believe she actually gets a thrill out of throwing stuff away. If I want some object, I will buy that object myself. I don't want someone's semi-educated guess (that's most likely wrong) cluttering up my apartment. What I find particularly strange is that people consistently give me things that I explicitly tell them I don't want — they buy me stuff that they want for Christmas or that they think I "need". The only gifts I like are the ones that have strong sentimental value — something that shows a lot of thought went into it — perhaps a handmade photo book or a good meal. For me, an object will never be as valuable as quality time spent with family.

majewsky 11y ago
> If I want some object, I will buy that object myself. I can so relate. "What can I get you for birthday?" - "Nothing, mum. I got all I need." - "How about we go buy some new shoes for you?" - "sigh I already have a pair of shoes." :)
- de_Selby 11y ago
  Sounds like you need new shoes ;)
- theandrewbailey 11y ago
  For the past three or so years, my mom's Christmas gift to me has been shoes, which I've enjoyed and appreciate every day.
serg_chernata 11y ago
Between my wife and I, the policy has been to go out and spend time together instead of buying gifts. I don't try to push this onto others but it does work with most of my close friends as well.
- ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago
  It works inside family or with girlfriends, but only as long as everybody agrees to go somewhere. As with normal gifts, presenting tickets as a surprise is not a good idea.
  - copperx 11y ago
    Unless they're fly anytime tickets, that is.
  - serg_chernata 11y ago
    By "go out" I didn't mean something that requires tickets. It could be dinner, or a short getaway. In very few cases I've given gift cards to amazon or a local mall. It's a little more personal than cash but I still get to leave things open-ended.
- jobu 11y ago
  It also works great with kids once they reach a certain age. Two years ago we asked the grandparents to give experiences instead of toys. Archery lessons, horse camp and climbing lessons have been the biggest hits so far. The other thing to remember is that it's about the feeling of giving as well as the person receiving, and the grandparents have said they feel like what they're doing is being appreciated more than just another toy or gadget.
- makemoniesonlin 11y ago
  "my wife and me"
  - gaur 11y ago
    You haven't read enough Shakespeare, I see. Merchant of Venice, Act III, Scene 2: "all debts are cleared between you and I".
mixmastamyk 11y ago
Yep, kindred spirits. About twenty years ago I had to move, and not many friends showed up to help. It was an incredible burden, and that day I said "enough" with the material possessions. Went to the dump, and now its just me, a backpack, and a small storage closet.
- magic_beans 11y ago
  I own very few things and live with a roommate in a furnished apartment. I am minimal to a fault EXCEPT when it comes to books. I have dozens and dozens of them. I can't seem to be able to let them go.
xkcd-sucks 11y ago
Another option is to tell people specifically what you want ahead of time, or buy your own gifts in advance and give them to family members for them to give you during holidays
ideonexus 11y ago
My family adopted the "no gifts" Christmas rule several years ago. Apparently, my siblings were stressing out financially each year buying gifts, but I found it did wonders for reducing my own holiday stress. Now we just get together, eat, talk, play games, and play with the kids. It's amazing in retrospect to see how small a part of the family get-together was gift-giving. We would exchange gifts, stack our new toys into piles, and forget about them until it was time to load up the cars to go home. Gift-giving can become such a social minefield too. We had a birthday party for my oldest son and specifically requested no gifts (he has enough toys). One attendant missed it or ignored it and brought one anyway. We politely thanked them for the gift, and were immediately confronted by several other parents who became quite defensive and a little angry with us (seemingly embarrassed that they had not brought gifts). Some of them even came back after the party with gifts to somehow make amends in their minds. There's a lot of social stuff I don't understand surrounding gift-giving.
- huherto 11y ago
  I don't know if this is popular in the USA. We also have a "no gifts" rule. Instead we do a secret santa. We do a real gift and an optional gag gift. It works wonderfully. Except this year somebody sent lots of gifts for two of my nephews. It was ridiculous and very uncomfortable for the rest of the family to watch.
dvirsky 11y ago
I like getting birthday presents that are doing something. Usually my wife takes me on a vacation, or to see a show I really like, etc. It's much better than some object IMO.
- drzaiusapelord 11y ago
  This is what we do too, but to be fair its only because at our wealth level we can pretty much buy everything we want, within reason. Its different for poorer people. Getting a 42" TV when you can't afford one yourself is a wonderful feeling. I hate this idea that now that everything is mass produced and relatively "cheap" we suddenly see ourselves as above it all because we make decent money. Err, not really. The only real reason I decry gift giving on my birthday is because I have so much shit I'm temporarily satisfied, not because I'm above having shit. If I couldn't afford some of those things and someone got one of them for me I'd be overjoyed. Its also weird to hear that people think its minimalist to own a smartphone and laptop. Those devices do so many things, they're the equivalent of hundreds of gadgets. Or how "I don't own a TV" is the clarion call of the intellectual hipster but he spends his days shitposting on the internet, binging netflix, subscribing to hundreds of youtube channels, etc.
  - dvirsky 11y ago
    When I was poor the best birthday presents were money.
pidg 11y ago
Getting annoyed at people for choosing to give you gifts has to be the very definition of 'first world problems'.
- Xcelerate 11y ago
  Well, I would prefer that they use that money to help address third world problems. In lieu of gifts on Valentine's day, my girlfriend and I each donated money to Watsi.
vacri 11y ago
I find it bizarre that quite a few people seem to think that gifts must be things. What's wrong with buying someone an experience for their birthday? A dinner out, a massage voucher, a skydiving session... my friend has given me an Escape Room challenge for my just-passed birthday.
yourapostasy 11y ago
A wonderful quip I picked up from a teacher couple might help on invites: "Presence Not Presents". The absence of "no" makes it easier to accept socially, I suspect.

majewsky 11y ago

> If I want some object, I will buy that object myself. I can so relate. "What can I get you for birthday?" - "Nothing, mum. I got all I need." - "How about we go buy some new shoes for you?" - "sigh I already have a pair of shoes." :)

de_Selby 11y ago
Sounds like you need new shoes ;)
theandrewbailey 11y ago
For the past three or so years, my mom's Christmas gift to me has been shoes, which I've enjoyed and appreciate every day.

serg_chernata 11y ago

Between my wife and I, the policy has been to go out and spend time together instead of buying gifts. I don't try to push this onto others but it does work with most of my close friends as well.

ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago
It works inside family or with girlfriends, but only as long as everybody agrees to go somewhere. As with normal gifts, presenting tickets as a surprise is not a good idea.
- copperx 11y ago
  Unless they're fly anytime tickets, that is.
- serg_chernata 11y ago
  By "go out" I didn't mean something that requires tickets. It could be dinner, or a short getaway. In very few cases I've given gift cards to amazon or a local mall. It's a little more personal than cash but I still get to leave things open-ended.
jobu 11y ago
It also works great with kids once they reach a certain age. Two years ago we asked the grandparents to give experiences instead of toys. Archery lessons, horse camp and climbing lessons have been the biggest hits so far. The other thing to remember is that it's about the feeling of giving as well as the person receiving, and the grandparents have said they feel like what they're doing is being appreciated more than just another toy or gadget.
makemoniesonlin 11y ago
"my wife and me"
- gaur 11y ago
  You haven't read enough Shakespeare, I see. Merchant of Venice, Act III, Scene 2: "all debts are cleared between you and I".

mixmastamyk 11y ago

Yep, kindred spirits. About twenty years ago I had to move, and not many friends showed up to help. It was an incredible burden, and that day I said "enough" with the material possessions. Went to the dump, and now its just me, a backpack, and a small storage closet.

magic_beans 11y ago
I own very few things and live with a roommate in a furnished apartment. I am minimal to a fault EXCEPT when it comes to books. I have dozens and dozens of them. I can't seem to be able to let them go.

xkcd-sucks 11y ago

Another option is to tell people specifically what you want ahead of time, or buy your own gifts in advance and give them to family members for them to give you during holidays

ideonexus 11y ago

My family adopted the "no gifts" Christmas rule several years ago. Apparently, my siblings were stressing out financially each year buying gifts, but I found it did wonders for reducing my own holiday stress. Now we just get together, eat, talk, play games, and play with the kids. It's amazing in retrospect to see how small a part of the family get-together was gift-giving. We would exchange gifts, stack our new toys into piles, and forget about them until it was time to load up the cars to go home. Gift-giving can become such a social minefield too. We had a birthday party for my oldest son and specifically requested no gifts (he has enough toys). One attendant missed it or ignored it and brought one anyway. We politely thanked them for the gift, and were immediately confronted by several other parents who became quite defensive and a little angry with us (seemingly embarrassed that they had not brought gifts). Some of them even came back after the party with gifts to somehow make amends in their minds. There's a lot of social stuff I don't understand surrounding gift-giving.

huherto 11y ago
I don't know if this is popular in the USA. We also have a "no gifts" rule. Instead we do a secret santa. We do a real gift and an optional gag gift. It works wonderfully. Except this year somebody sent lots of gifts for two of my nephews. It was ridiculous and very uncomfortable for the rest of the family to watch.

dvirsky 11y ago

I like getting birthday presents that are doing something. Usually my wife takes me on a vacation, or to see a show I really like, etc. It's much better than some object IMO.

drzaiusapelord 11y ago
This is what we do too, but to be fair its only because at our wealth level we can pretty much buy everything we want, within reason. Its different for poorer people. Getting a 42" TV when you can't afford one yourself is a wonderful feeling. I hate this idea that now that everything is mass produced and relatively "cheap" we suddenly see ourselves as above it all because we make decent money. Err, not really. The only real reason I decry gift giving on my birthday is because I have so much shit I'm temporarily satisfied, not because I'm above having shit. If I couldn't afford some of those things and someone got one of them for me I'd be overjoyed. Its also weird to hear that people think its minimalist to own a smartphone and laptop. Those devices do so many things, they're the equivalent of hundreds of gadgets. Or how "I don't own a TV" is the clarion call of the intellectual hipster but he spends his days shitposting on the internet, binging netflix, subscribing to hundreds of youtube channels, etc.
- dvirsky 11y ago
  When I was poor the best birthday presents were money.

pidg 11y ago

Getting annoyed at people for choosing to give you gifts has to be the very definition of 'first world problems'.

Xcelerate 11y ago
Well, I would prefer that they use that money to help address third world problems. In lieu of gifts on Valentine's day, my girlfriend and I each donated money to Watsi.

vacri 11y ago

I find it bizarre that quite a few people seem to think that gifts must be things. What's wrong with buying someone an experience for their birthday? A dinner out, a massage voucher, a skydiving session... my friend has given me an Escape Room challenge for my just-passed birthday.

yourapostasy 11y ago

A wonderful quip I picked up from a teacher couple might help on invites: "Presence Not Presents". The absence of "no" makes it easier to accept socially, I suspect.