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To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life
- rooundio 11y agoExcellent. In German there is a word for this trust in yourself and that things are happening when they are happening: "Gottvertrauen" (literally: "trust in god", although often used in a non-religious context)
- kirk21 11y agoGermans have a word for everything. :)
- mapleoin 11y agoYeah, more like Awordforeverything
- RikNieu 11y agoYou mean avordfuereveryzhing
- hyperchase 11y agoThat's because most "words" in German are made by "squishing" individual words together into one big one.
- jsilence 11y agoThe Lego of languages
- anotheryou 11y agoAnd another thing: most of us will be medicore, and it's probably better to be ok with it :) maybe being happy, not successful is all it takes
- rubicon33 11y agoThis is a good point, but a very tough one for most people on this forum to swallow. I think it's good to give everything your best effort, to strive for greatness, and constantly check yourself to make sure you're giving it your all. But then, if you don't succeed, find peace in life's way. Be okay with yourself, your progress, and your place in life. When you step back and realize how truly random everything is, then just knowing that you played your cards to the best of your ability, should bring happiness and a sense of peace.
- IkmoIkmo 11y agoIndeed, statistically we can't all excel, we had best shape a culture in which this fact of life is bearable. Reminds me of a funny study that finds most teachers rate themselves above average teachers, most drivers rate themselves above average, etc (of course, statistically this is impossible).
- pbhjpbhj 11y agoCan't we all excel at different things? The problem with those surveys could be the question as much as anything - one driver considered themselves above average because they can drive faster, another because they're safer, another because they have better fuel economy, ..., most drivers can be better than average as the meaning of average each driver users isn't being rigorously defined.
- neilgrey 11y agoI wonder how many people will read this article, have a lightbulb go off in their head, feel warm and fuzzy about it all, then wake up tomorrow and do absolutely nothing about it. Probably most. This article is unfortunately what it epitimizes the most -- a self-help conundrum. Advice given from the perspective of a workaholic. But alas, what tools does it actually provide to take action? Walk away from everything? Should I take up meditation or yoga? Relax by putting and put my mind at ease by playing a videogame or laying on the beach? What most people won't see is the key line of advice burried in the middle, which I believe the rest of the article counters is: "We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen". Putting in our best efforts is what opens doors to adventures and opportunities. Putting in our best efforts is what drives us forward to find passion in what we do. Sure, we all need to realize that we're not robots with unlimited capacity, but the next step is to stop reading self-articles and start doing things that actually matter, instead of filling our time with arbitrary tasks. Want to not "fall behind in life"? Don't be a lemming by following other people around trying to find meaning and value in your life. Make meaning and value in your life by being creative, self-reflective, and getting outside your horse-blinders by actively trying to experience life in other people's shoes. Falling behind in life is a synonym for running the hampster wheel. Get off the damn wheel and do something that scares you even just a little bit today. Then do it again tomorrow.
- the4dpatrick 11y ago> "We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen" A friend once shared how surfing illustrates how having a process driven approach vs. a result driven approach is beneficial. In surfing you start off knowing the basics of how to get on the water, standing up on the board, and riding the wave. You may know the basics, but until you actually go out in the water, you're not going to know about what will happen. The waves may not be the right size to your liking. You could be having an off day and keep falling. Or you may be having a great day on the water. All of this are factors to you actually enjoying surfing. Instead of focusing on trying to catch a good wave or catching many waves, you can focus on the process that is surfing. This way you can make incremental improvements to how you surf. You'll then see each wave as a new opportunity to gather more experience/data for the next time you try. And you can replace "surfing" with entrepreneurship, science, and many other areas. With this mindset, you'll be able to let whatever happens to happen. Life is too short to always be chasing after the end goal. From my experience, after you attain the goal, you'll always have another goal in mind. You will never be truly satisfied.
- alexashka 11y agoThis can be summarized with the serenity prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. The author is a curious case of 'got the right idea, haven't internalized it fully'. She seems to be coming from a place of trying to convince herself that she doesn't need to try so hard, etc. Maybe it's frustration with the world she finds herself in, where everyone has a 'bunsen burner up their ass' as a buddy of mine put it :) Good article overall though, I'm glad to see this on HN :)
- jimmywanger 11y agoThis is a horrible article. It seems to be emphasizing an external locus of control. Which is unuseful. Sometimes things won't turn out the way you want. But you still have to put the effort and time in. The way she's writing she seems to dismiss effort and time as useless.
- solipsism 11y agoThere's a core component of the article that's good, though. The part about not getting hung up on the fact that you're not where you're "supposed to be", or that you're not as far along as you perceive others to be. This is an important point. But I agree, encouraging constructive action is better than complacency.
- nnq 11y agoThat was a horrible comment :) The author is clearly saying "We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen". And then that after we've put in our best effort, we must accept that some things are out of our control and impossible to accurately predict: things like timing! She doesn't dismiss effort or time: she just says that you can't rely on them to produce predictable results at specific times. You will work hard, and you will succeed most of the times you work hard at something. But probably not when you predicted you will succeed. And maybe not always at the thing that you initially wanted to succeed at. And accepting lack of control doesn't mean loosing motivation. Even her points about motivation I read them as saying something along the lines of: "don't try to pump up yourself with artificial willpower and motivation, just persist at working in your natural rhythm, and things will work out fine, even if you can't control when they will work out fine". It's very biased towards the "accept the lack of control" part, indeed. But the bias is necessary to counterbalance the pov of people like you that keep throwing up the "work harder, work more" (or "just put more time, more effort") mantra to everyone they meet! This kind of advice is useful for some people. But horrible for others! Some need more to find a "a natural rhythm" and "let things happen", and unfortunately you rarely see this advice. Others may indeed call what I would say it's "my natural rhythm", something like "extremely hard work and perseverence", and maybe these kinds of people need your kind of advice. ...and there are also those that are simply "born to be lazy", and throwing the "work harder, work more" thing at them will only viciously turn them against whoever yelled that at them, transforming them from harmless slackers into people that will instead steal or kill or be corrupt and spread corruption, or otherwise sabotage the system just for the "fun" (read "revenge for being bothered") of making others suffer simply because some self-righteuous know-it-alls couldn't simply "let them be".
- erikpukinskis 11y agoLegally, "permission to be where you are" is a right reserved for the capital class. Even in my home my right to stay only lasts for 60 days and then I am subject to whatever forms of violence are necessary to remove me so that a pre-designated member of the capital class can be where I am. From here it's miles to a place where I have the right to urinate, and tens of miles to a place where I have a right to sleep, and to my knowledge there is nowhere in my country where I have a right to do subsistence farming, or steward any kind of ancestral resource.
- jondubois 11y agoAgreed. We are manipulated by the system. Corporations force us to move to bigger cities where rent is more expensive, living space is smaller and quality of life is lower. Humans are farmed like poultry - City humans are caged chickens, suburban humans are the "free range" variety. Corporations want to see more humans per square feet because that's more profitable for them. The energy savings we contribute to by living in big cities ultimately end up in the hands of corporate executives and shareholders as cash.
- bmelton 11y agoIt strikes me as curious as to how you've taken his complaints, which seem largely based on government-imposed restrictions, and subverted the point to be anti-capitalist. That said, how do corporations force you to live in cities? How do corporations then profit from you living in a city? How does either city or suburban living map to whether you are a member of the capital class or not.
- r-w 11y ago> Humans are farmed like poultry - City humans are caged chickens, suburban humans are the "free range" variety. …and rural humans are space aliens.
- bmh_ca 11y ago> Legally, "permission to be where you are" is a right reserved for the capital class. That's a brilliant statement, on many levels. One might chose to refine it by changing "legally" to some other word, such as "practically". The rich are not governed by the laws of men.
- joslin01 11y agoAn article from an LA-based author telling you to "just chill"? You don't say... It's best to be honest with yourself and come to terms with where you are in life and where you want to be. After that, unless you put action into your belief, you will be sad. Even if you fail, but put action into the belief, you'll be happy and have grown. This article has utility for over-achievers who need to learn patience, but anyone else (especially anyone who struggles with motivation) should ignore it. It aims to make you feel good "you're doing the best you can" and has cute, but vapid lines like "let timing do what it needs to do" or "it's just not the fucking time if it's not the time." If you need help with motivation, you probably don't need to be told you're already doing a great job and should just succumb to some external force of "timing". This is probably the thought that's actually holding you back. If you feel like you work hard and are never satisfied, it's true that you should just chill. The strongest people in my opinion are the ones who are able to keep a calm & humble mind while steadfastly pursuing their goals.
- kirsebaer 11y ago> Even if you fail, but put action into the belief, you'll be happy and have grown. Can we please admit that it is terrifying to be an economic failure? If you try and fail, have police at your door because you can't pay rent, spouse leaves you, children are ashamed of you. You are going to feel intense anguish and shame.
- dfraser992 11y agoThis article doesn't cover the cost of making horrible mistakes. A series of them actually... over a couple of decades. This article was more for the rats stuck in the "affluenza" maze, not the chronically depressed or others struggling with more fundamental issues than 'keeping up with the Joneses' Yeah, I learned a whole lot about my blind spots (in being taken advantage of, ignoring issues, actively avoiding them...) and processed some really deep seated issues, but the cost right now still seems a bit too high. It is a bit disheartening. In another decade or 2, it certainly won't matter, but in terms of "falling behind", I am at the extreme of the bell curve, I'm afraid. But maybe that was my overall path, extreme self-knowledge... At least I am an exceptional special snowflake! "The Wisdom of Insecurity" by Alan Watts is recommended reading if this article affected you in some way.
- RikNieu 11y agoI can certainly relate. Good luck to us both then.
- vhost- 11y agoThis article keeps opening the iOS App Store. It's frustrating and I don't know how to stop it.
- jackvalentine 11y agoTry installing an adblocking content blocker.
- vhost- 11y agoThis article keeps opening the iOS App Store. It's frustrating and I don't know how to stop it.
- vhost- 11y agoThis article keeps opening the iOS App Store. It's frustrating and I don't know how to stop it.
- pjdorrell 11y agoMy own attempt to understand the complex relationship between will-power and "happiness" is laid out in this article which I wrote a while ago (2007): http://thinkinghard.com/consciousness/advice.html http://thinkinghard.com/consciousness/advice.html.
- tblumer3 11y agoWow, this article sounds like the perfect invite to not work too hard in life and just cruise by. Thanks! Thats just what more American's need, a reason not to work! And yes, I read the comments here about working hard, then letting the chips fall where they may. But that was not the message of the article. It was just one line smashed between a bunch of crap about accepting where you are in life. WTF is this junk? If your life sucks, make it better. No one will do it for you. Period.
- r-w 11y agoTranscendentalism!