5 ms·

Meh, people are just trying to be nice. They aren't trying to be racist or prejudice or whatever, they are just trying to help someone that is lost. It happens

by socrates1998 11y ago

Meh, people are just trying to be nice. They aren't trying to be racist or prejudice or whatever, they are just trying to help someone that is lost. It happens all the time when you go to a place where people like you don't usually go. It happened to me in Asia all the time. Sure it wasn't fun, but acting like people were being racist isn't helping you at all. She is making it into a bigger deal than it is. It's a mild annoyance at best.

onewaystreet 11y ago
Google "microaggressions." Yes, people might be trying to be nice, but that niceness is from the assumption that you don't belong. When it happens multiple times a day, everyday, it surely can be disheartening.
- protomyth 11y ago
  "but that niceness is from the assumption that you don't belong" That is a load of crap along with this whole "microagression" movement. I see a girl that seems interesting to me, screw up my courage, and try to say something that sounds helpful to start a conversation. Then you come along and classify that contact attempt like a KKK rally and I'm a racist?!? No wonder studies are showing that male students are starting to steer clear. With all these social apps, we pretty much have destroyed anything social in person. Now, I should say that my life experience is not white-suburbia, so save time on the name calling.
  - comrh 11y ago
    Cause you're entitled to start a conversation with every girl that seems interesting to you right? edit: because people here can't comprehend the view from the other side, maybe louis ck can help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDh4qk1Tl8k https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDh4qk1Tl8k
    - jakub_h 11y ago
      Aren't people entitled to start a conversation with anyone they want? (Outside of some very traditional pre-modern societies where certain people are not even allowed at all to talk to certain other people, mostly by kinship.)
      - intopieces 11y ago
        What's your phone number? I think you're on to something, I'd like to call you and hear more about what you think.
    - irishcoffee 11y ago
      So if you start a conversation with someone and its welcome, no big deal, but if its not welcome, its entitlement and microaggressive? Wat?
      - comrh 11y ago
        Yes, sometimes. Because "approaching women who are strangers, especially in environments where they are trapped or not expecting approaches, is high stakes for both of you, and best attempted very casually if at all, with a strong awareness that any approach may be unwelcome." Do you go up to men and start random conversations? Does that sound like it might be annoying to deal with? Also: http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/ http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-sch... > So when you, a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself: Will this man rape me? Does that sound like an experience the woman just has to deal with because the OP feels entitled to talk to every girl that makes his heart flutter?
        irishcoffee 11y ago
        > Do you go up to men and start random conversations? Does that sound like it might be annoying to deal with? I start conversations with people all the time, yeah. No, it doesn't sound annoying. Funny thing about people, they LOVE to talk about themselves. Try it sometime. Er, not talking about yourself, trying to get to know a stranger. You'll learn a lot. > approaching women who are strangers, especially in environments where they are trapped or not expecting approaches, is high stakes for both of you, and best attempted very casually if at all, with a strong awareness that any approach may be unwelcome. a.) Asking if someone is lost is about as "casual" and "low stakes" as you can get in a damn college lecture hall/classroom building. Are you being serious? b.) If someone feels vulnerable and not expecting "approaches" (whatever the fuck that means) in a college building containing lecture halls, prof. offices, and classrooms, perhaps the problem is with the college or the person, not the "approaches" as you call them. > Does that sound like an experience the woman just has to deal with because the OP feels entitled to talk to every girl that makes his heart flutter? When anyone approaches me, I could ask myself "will this man/woman kill me?" Do I let it run my life, no. The OP is as "entitled" to talk to someone as you are to judge them for it. Your argument is really, really weak. Also, I didn't click your link. No context was given besides the word "also." edit: a word
  - onewaystreet 11y ago
    The thing is, it really isn't about you. Microagressions, as the name implies, are small everyday interactions that as a whole give a person the feeling that they are not part of the group.
    - protomyth 11y ago
      That once was called insecurity. It happens to everyone, and if the cure is making sure no one interacts with anyone else, then we are done. Without the interactions of random people we never will find the group of people we feel comfortable with and we cut down on our learning potential. Its bad enough people believe that it is assault when they are exposed to thoughts or beliefs that make them feel uncomfortable or challenge something they believe. They need safe zones because something a speak says could be contrary to their own thoughts. If you are not offended from time to time in college, you should ask for your money back because you didn't learn a damn thing and cannot deal with life as it happens.
afarrell 11y ago
The people doing it haven't committed some individual sin, but if in aggregate you observe a massive number of people asking if you are lost...that does indicate a problem somewhere in some system.
istvan__ 11y ago
It is funny how people who try to help somebody who they assume lost are displayed racist and sexist. What about their motivation? This is why I do not want to help females anymore, it is not worth the risk here in California.
ncr100 11y ago
Well, how do you know for sure? None of us can conclude if it's truly a Big Racist Thing by her fellow Stanford-ians without more data. We're not physically her. And, dismissing her feelings is an invalid reaction - they are her feelings. From her words, she's basically feeling confirmation of being stereotyped for her race. She's talking about her feelings in this article. Read the article for how it's intended. The tone is emotional, not scientific - she says some speculative exaggerations "[not a day goes by when I'm questioned]" and doesn't back up the racism conclusion from A/B testing, or any investigation of why she is being questioned daily. It's undeniable there exists racism, and she's apparently experienced enough of fallout from it to have the phrase on hand, "stereotype threat and feelings of isolation." Now, should her feelings of being underrepresented in society be: A) ignored and dismissed B) accepted and discussed B. Next step could be instead of dismissing, to reach out to her and say, "We are concerned and upset your personal experience is unpleasant in the STEM education world." Everything else, the reconciling / realizing it's "not a big deal" is up to her to decide. She's not at the point where she's publicly rationalizing yet - I guess she's rolling in the emotions currently. So join in with her. That's a first step to helping balance out the unfairness of being a minority.

onewaystreet 11y ago

Google "microaggressions." Yes, people might be trying to be nice, but that niceness is from the assumption that you don't belong. When it happens multiple times a day, everyday, it surely can be disheartening.

protomyth 11y ago
"but that niceness is from the assumption that you don't belong" That is a load of crap along with this whole "microagression" movement. I see a girl that seems interesting to me, screw up my courage, and try to say something that sounds helpful to start a conversation. Then you come along and classify that contact attempt like a KKK rally and I'm a racist?!? No wonder studies are showing that male students are starting to steer clear. With all these social apps, we pretty much have destroyed anything social in person. Now, I should say that my life experience is not white-suburbia, so save time on the name calling.
- comrh 11y ago
  Cause you're entitled to start a conversation with every girl that seems interesting to you right? edit: because people here can't comprehend the view from the other side, maybe louis ck can help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDh4qk1Tl8k https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDh4qk1Tl8k
  - jakub_h 11y ago
    Aren't people entitled to start a conversation with anyone they want? (Outside of some very traditional pre-modern societies where certain people are not even allowed at all to talk to certain other people, mostly by kinship.)
    - intopieces 11y ago
      What's your phone number? I think you're on to something, I'd like to call you and hear more about what you think.
  - irishcoffee 11y ago
    So if you start a conversation with someone and its welcome, no big deal, but if its not welcome, its entitlement and microaggressive? Wat?
    - comrh 11y ago
      Yes, sometimes. Because "approaching women who are strangers, especially in environments where they are trapped or not expecting approaches, is high stakes for both of you, and best attempted very casually if at all, with a strong awareness that any approach may be unwelcome." Do you go up to men and start random conversations? Does that sound like it might be annoying to deal with? Also: http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/ http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-sch... > So when you, a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself: Will this man rape me? Does that sound like an experience the woman just has to deal with because the OP feels entitled to talk to every girl that makes his heart flutter?
      - irishcoffee 11y ago
        > Do you go up to men and start random conversations? Does that sound like it might be annoying to deal with? I start conversations with people all the time, yeah. No, it doesn't sound annoying. Funny thing about people, they LOVE to talk about themselves. Try it sometime. Er, not talking about yourself, trying to get to know a stranger. You'll learn a lot. > approaching women who are strangers, especially in environments where they are trapped or not expecting approaches, is high stakes for both of you, and best attempted very casually if at all, with a strong awareness that any approach may be unwelcome. a.) Asking if someone is lost is about as "casual" and "low stakes" as you can get in a damn college lecture hall/classroom building. Are you being serious? b.) If someone feels vulnerable and not expecting "approaches" (whatever the fuck that means) in a college building containing lecture halls, prof. offices, and classrooms, perhaps the problem is with the college or the person, not the "approaches" as you call them. > Does that sound like an experience the woman just has to deal with because the OP feels entitled to talk to every girl that makes his heart flutter? When anyone approaches me, I could ask myself "will this man/woman kill me?" Do I let it run my life, no. The OP is as "entitled" to talk to someone as you are to judge them for it. Your argument is really, really weak. Also, I didn't click your link. No context was given besides the word "also." edit: a word
- onewaystreet 11y ago
  The thing is, it really isn't about you. Microagressions, as the name implies, are small everyday interactions that as a whole give a person the feeling that they are not part of the group.
  - protomyth 11y ago
    That once was called insecurity. It happens to everyone, and if the cure is making sure no one interacts with anyone else, then we are done. Without the interactions of random people we never will find the group of people we feel comfortable with and we cut down on our learning potential. Its bad enough people believe that it is assault when they are exposed to thoughts or beliefs that make them feel uncomfortable or challenge something they believe. They need safe zones because something a speak says could be contrary to their own thoughts. If you are not offended from time to time in college, you should ask for your money back because you didn't learn a damn thing and cannot deal with life as it happens.

afarrell 11y ago

The people doing it haven't committed some individual sin, but if in aggregate you observe a massive number of people asking if you are lost...that does indicate a problem somewhere in some system.

istvan__ 11y ago

It is funny how people who try to help somebody who they assume lost are displayed racist and sexist. What about their motivation? This is why I do not want to help females anymore, it is not worth the risk here in California.

ncr100 11y ago

Well, how do you know for sure? None of us can conclude if it's truly a Big Racist Thing by her fellow Stanford-ians without more data. We're not physically her. And, dismissing her feelings is an invalid reaction - they are her feelings. From her words, she's basically feeling confirmation of being stereotyped for her race. She's talking about her feelings in this article. Read the article for how it's intended. The tone is emotional, not scientific - she says some speculative exaggerations "[not a day goes by when I'm questioned]" and doesn't back up the racism conclusion from A/B testing, or any investigation of why she is being questioned daily. It's undeniable there exists racism, and she's apparently experienced enough of fallout from it to have the phrase on hand, "stereotype threat and feelings of isolation." Now, should her feelings of being underrepresented in society be: A) ignored and dismissed B) accepted and discussed B. Next step could be instead of dismissing, to reach out to her and say, "We are concerned and upset your personal experience is unpleasant in the STEM education world." Everything else, the reconciling / realizing it's "not a big deal" is up to her to decide. She's not at the point where she's publicly rationalizing yet - I guess she's rolling in the emotions currently. So join in with her. That's a first step to helping balance out the unfairness of being a minority.