6 ms·

To some that question is the same as "Why don't you plan on being a billionaire?"

sfall 11y ago
if it happens, it happens. Not something I put on my years end goals.
irishcoffee 11y ago
The more interesting question is: how has one traversed their entire life up to gainful employment and has no friends? This seems to be the more telling question.
- protomyth 11y ago
  Not the OP, but Death is a cruel mistress. Sometimes even a 40 year old will outlive quite a few friends. I'm 44 and about a 1/3 of my graduating high school class of 20 are gone. Of the friends I made in college about 1/3 moved and I didn't keep in touch, and a couple of other died. I never married (that billionaire comment tomcam feels a bit too true sometimes). I have plenty of relatives along with close friends (enough that getting together to play Arkham Horror is becoming a logistic nightmare), but I could easily, with just a few unlucky breaks or moves, not have any close friends. It isn't even that uncommon.
- sliverstorm 11y ago
  Losing friends is easy! Making new (close) friends is hard, and keeping friends is harder.
- DanBC 11y ago
  There are several ways this can happen. A person can be at school and have a small number of friends. They then leave to go to college and lose those friends. They may make a few more friends at college. They then leave college and go to work - and again they lose their friends. Once you're at work it is hard for some people to male friends. This isn't a new or unusual point of view. We freqently hear about how lonely cities can feel. "$cityname is lonely" returns hits of people talking about how lonely they are in any city. The fact that they do this on the Internet makes it, to me at least, very sad. Some people just struggle to make and keep friends.
  - irishcoffee 11y ago
    > Some people just struggle to make and keep friends. That was my point. Why?
  - IndianAstronaut 11y ago
    I do wonder what it is about the psychology of the 40 year old which makes it harder to form new friendships than say a 20 year old.
    - ta0967 11y ago
      i'd say dwingling neuroplasticity and brain chemistry.
      - TheOtherHobbes 11y ago
        Actually it's just harder to meet new people. And harder still to meet interesting new people. (Especially ones who aren't judgemental about age.)
    - tomjen3 11y ago
      I doubt it is the psychology, but the lack of shared experiences outside work. In school you have shared experiences and you grow to like some of the guys you hang out with. You don't hang out (much) at work and so don't have the shared experiences and consequently make no bonds.
codesushi42 11y ago
Getting married is easy. And plenty of people don't want it. :) You'd be hard pressed to find a person who doesn't want to be a billionaire. Try online dating, or go to a bar to meet a girl. It's a lot easier than you think, especially when you're gainfully employed.
- DanBC 11y ago
  This is a little bit like telling someone with a phobia of spiders to just stop being scared of spiders.
  - anovikov 11y ago
    In Slavic countries, men have to struggle with the opposite: how to avoid marriage at all costs.
    - MrBuddyCasino 11y ago
      Please elaborate - this could get interesting.
      - anovikov 11y ago
        I thought everyone is aware of that. Life of a Slavic man is sadly, similar to a life of an American black man [1], for the same reasons - poverty, low educational level, lack of opportunities, which causes crime and self-destructing behavior. Which results in that by the age of marriage, there is a shortage of men at least as bad as a shortage of black men in U.S. - except black women have a slim chance of getting into an interracial marriage - getting a European or other foreign guy for a Russian girl is more difficult. Coupled with sexism meaning that women typically earn very little if anything, and their only chance to escape abject poverty is to get married, and because there are so many women for so few men and with nothing else to make the guy interested, pregnancy becomes the only option. To keep the guy married (especially given that divorce laws are very weak and not in general working in post-Soviet countries, and men lose little if they divorce), an extreme psychological pressure is required, which usually takes efforts of the whole girl's family. Except the very cynical guys, only chance to escape this is to keep as far from marriage as possible. This is probably why post-soviet population declines so fast. Of course, the higher classes of society (e.g. coders) are exempt. (the other side of this is domestic violence which is very common, and sometimes not even viewed as a problem, which is an even more sad side of the story) [1] http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/04/20/upshot/missing-black-men.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=0 http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/04/20/upshot/missing...

sfall 11y ago

if it happens, it happens. Not something I put on my years end goals.

The more interesting question is: how has one traversed their entire life up to gainful employment and has no friends? This seems to be the more telling question.

protomyth 11y ago
Not the OP, but Death is a cruel mistress. Sometimes even a 40 year old will outlive quite a few friends. I'm 44 and about a 1/3 of my graduating high school class of 20 are gone. Of the friends I made in college about 1/3 moved and I didn't keep in touch, and a couple of other died. I never married (that billionaire comment tomcam feels a bit too true sometimes). I have plenty of relatives along with close friends (enough that getting together to play Arkham Horror is becoming a logistic nightmare), but I could easily, with just a few unlucky breaks or moves, not have any close friends. It isn't even that uncommon.
sliverstorm 11y ago
Losing friends is easy! Making new (close) friends is hard, and keeping friends is harder.
DanBC 11y ago
There are several ways this can happen. A person can be at school and have a small number of friends. They then leave to go to college and lose those friends. They may make a few more friends at college. They then leave college and go to work - and again they lose their friends. Once you're at work it is hard for some people to male friends. This isn't a new or unusual point of view. We freqently hear about how lonely cities can feel. "$cityname is lonely" returns hits of people talking about how lonely they are in any city. The fact that they do this on the Internet makes it, to me at least, very sad. Some people just struggle to make and keep friends.
- irishcoffee 11y ago
  > Some people just struggle to make and keep friends. That was my point. Why?
- IndianAstronaut 11y ago
  I do wonder what it is about the psychology of the 40 year old which makes it harder to form new friendships than say a 20 year old.
  - ta0967 11y ago
    i'd say dwingling neuroplasticity and brain chemistry.
    - TheOtherHobbes 11y ago
      Actually it's just harder to meet new people. And harder still to meet interesting new people. (Especially ones who aren't judgemental about age.)
  - tomjen3 11y ago
    I doubt it is the psychology, but the lack of shared experiences outside work. In school you have shared experiences and you grow to like some of the guys you hang out with. You don't hang out (much) at work and so don't have the shared experiences and consequently make no bonds.

codesushi42 11y ago

Getting married is easy. And plenty of people don't want it. :) You'd be hard pressed to find a person who doesn't want to be a billionaire. Try online dating, or go to a bar to meet a girl. It's a lot easier than you think, especially when you're gainfully employed.

DanBC 11y ago
This is a little bit like telling someone with a phobia of spiders to just stop being scared of spiders.
- anovikov 11y ago
  In Slavic countries, men have to struggle with the opposite: how to avoid marriage at all costs.
  - MrBuddyCasino 11y ago
    Please elaborate - this could get interesting.
    - anovikov 11y ago
      I thought everyone is aware of that. Life of a Slavic man is sadly, similar to a life of an American black man [1], for the same reasons - poverty, low educational level, lack of opportunities, which causes crime and self-destructing behavior. Which results in that by the age of marriage, there is a shortage of men at least as bad as a shortage of black men in U.S. - except black women have a slim chance of getting into an interracial marriage - getting a European or other foreign guy for a Russian girl is more difficult. Coupled with sexism meaning that women typically earn very little if anything, and their only chance to escape abject poverty is to get married, and because there are so many women for so few men and with nothing else to make the guy interested, pregnancy becomes the only option. To keep the guy married (especially given that divorce laws are very weak and not in general working in post-Soviet countries, and men lose little if they divorce), an extreme psychological pressure is required, which usually takes efforts of the whole girl's family. Except the very cynical guys, only chance to escape this is to keep as far from marriage as possible. This is probably why post-soviet population declines so fast. Of course, the higher classes of society (e.g. coders) are exempt. (the other side of this is domestic violence which is very common, and sometimes not even viewed as a problem, which is an even more sad side of the story) [1] http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/04/20/upshot/missing-black-men.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=0 http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/04/20/upshot/missing...