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Except that the article actually says the opposite. > Consider Cai Li (who asked her real name not be used in this article), a 34-year-old marketing executive

Except that the article actually says the opposite. > Consider Cai Li (who asked her real name not be used in this article), a 34-year-old marketing executive in Shanghai: she is smart, engaging, hip and attractive. She is also the divorced mother of an 8-year-old girl. When she caught her husband, a Taiwanese businessman, philandering five years ago, she didn't hesitate. "I divorced him as soon as I could," she says. "He was shocked. He thought I wasn't serious, that I wouldn't do it because of our daughter. I said, 'You'll see'. And within a week I had filed the papers [for divorce]. And why wouldn't I? Why should I put up with that? I have parents here in Shanghai who help take care of my daughter, I had a good job. Plus, if I want to get remarried, it's not as if there's a shortage of men, even at my age, who would be interested. [My ex] was crazy to think I was going to stick around." > The only problem for Cai was that her parents sided with her ex. "They had a typical Chinese reaction. They said, 'Oh come on, he probably won't do it again. It's not that big a deal anyway'," she says. "It was a generational attitude. When they were young, people put up with it, I guess. But I told them, not now. I was really angry. I put my foot down. Things are different now." Is this one woman an exception?

erikb 11y ago
Huh? Are you arguing against my point or for my point? At first you say "the article actually says the opposite", which makes me think you want to argue for women having a better position. Then you show an example of a women getting pressured by her parents to not divorce beside being in an unacceptable position. I'm a little confused but I assume that you argue against my post based on your first sentence. Maybe it's not clear how much influence Chinese parents have on their children. As a woman it might even happen that your husbands parents have more power over your life than your own parents. So there is often no chance to divorce. In fact many Chinese women wouldn't even attempt that, because of fear to lose their job, any chance to remarry, losing both party's parents' favour. The husband does not have to accept any punishment for having a lover on the side, not doing their part at home, or for not taking care of the child(ren). A typical situation in China is the wife fighting the younger girlfriend of the husband, both fighting to gain the man's favour. This only happens out of fear, not out of respect for oneself. So to answer your question: She's an exception for actually divorcing her husband, but she's not an exception for getting punished for the divorce more than the husband who is actually the one who caused the divorce.
- Dylan16807 11y ago
  The pressure was there, but the increased power let her do the divorce anyway, even though she wasn't in that "five year period".
  - erikb 11y ago
    Even if I'd agree with that point it would still just be "she's better off than her mother's generation" not "she's better off than the husband", right?
    - Dylan16807 11y ago
      Sure. They have the advantage in some areas and it's closer to equality, though men still have most positions of power. The article didn't try to say that women had taken over.
      - erikb 11y ago
        Then I have misunderstood it, seriously. To me it said Chinese men are in such a poor situation now, which to me implies that the Chinese women have the upper hand. Maybe I've read too much into it.
    - analyst74 11y ago
      The dating world is complicated. The fact that she can marry up and divorce with a child, and still be in demand in the dating world is a privilege men do not enjoy. As shown earlier in the article, single man of similar socioeconomic status without all the baggage are not considered serious suitors. On the other hand, it is more socially acceptable for successful men to have mistress as opposed to successful woman to have, hmm, 'misters'. In extremely simple words, rich men enjoy more privileges than rich women, average men fair worse than average women, poor men die alone.
cyorir 11y ago
A Shanghai marketing executive who was married to a Taiwanese Businessman is not exactly representative of women across the country. Not all demographics in China will feel the same empowerment that she might feel.

erikb 11y ago

Huh? Are you arguing against my point or for my point? At first you say "the article actually says the opposite", which makes me think you want to argue for women having a better position. Then you show an example of a women getting pressured by her parents to not divorce beside being in an unacceptable position. I'm a little confused but I assume that you argue against my post based on your first sentence. Maybe it's not clear how much influence Chinese parents have on their children. As a woman it might even happen that your husbands parents have more power over your life than your own parents. So there is often no chance to divorce. In fact many Chinese women wouldn't even attempt that, because of fear to lose their job, any chance to remarry, losing both party's parents' favour. The husband does not have to accept any punishment for having a lover on the side, not doing their part at home, or for not taking care of the child(ren). A typical situation in China is the wife fighting the younger girlfriend of the husband, both fighting to gain the man's favour. This only happens out of fear, not out of respect for oneself. So to answer your question: She's an exception for actually divorcing her husband, but she's not an exception for getting punished for the divorce more than the husband who is actually the one who caused the divorce.

Dylan16807 11y ago
The pressure was there, but the increased power let her do the divorce anyway, even though she wasn't in that "five year period".
- erikb 11y ago
  Even if I'd agree with that point it would still just be "she's better off than her mother's generation" not "she's better off than the husband", right?
  - Dylan16807 11y ago
    Sure. They have the advantage in some areas and it's closer to equality, though men still have most positions of power. The article didn't try to say that women had taken over.
    - erikb 11y ago
      Then I have misunderstood it, seriously. To me it said Chinese men are in such a poor situation now, which to me implies that the Chinese women have the upper hand. Maybe I've read too much into it.
  - analyst74 11y ago
    The dating world is complicated. The fact that she can marry up and divorce with a child, and still be in demand in the dating world is a privilege men do not enjoy. As shown earlier in the article, single man of similar socioeconomic status without all the baggage are not considered serious suitors. On the other hand, it is more socially acceptable for successful men to have mistress as opposed to successful woman to have, hmm, 'misters'. In extremely simple words, rich men enjoy more privileges than rich women, average men fair worse than average women, poor men die alone.

cyorir 11y ago

A Shanghai marketing executive who was married to a Taiwanese Businessman is not exactly representative of women across the country. Not all demographics in China will feel the same empowerment that she might feel.