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Atlantic article has a bunch of unexamined underlying assumptions that are then presented as some false dichotomy, in order to inspire fear and self-loathing in

Atlantic article has a bunch of unexamined underlying assumptions that are then presented as some false dichotomy, in order to inspire fear and self-loathing in the masses? Color me unsurprised. There are times to be nice and times to be a jerk. That's it. You have to listen to your instincts, an activity assiduously avoided by the Atlantic demographic. I've noticed that as I've spent time on both sides of being nice and being mean, it's easier to turn one or the other on or off depending on the situation. Eventually, I stopped being nice (or even mean) out of obligation. I've gotten a lot happier as a result. Yes, it's also a thing to cave into being a jerk out of social pressure. Which is when we get to the unexamined foundation of this article: that we have to be nice or mean because it will "pay off" or help our position in society. This is just a bunch of bullshit because what matters isn't your personality, it's what you contributed to the world. If that means you need to kick some ass in order for your contribution to be seen, then that's ok. On the other hand if that means you need to be super friendly and nice, that's also ok. Skipping the pretension and being real is what matters, and in a large number of cases that pays off the best anyway!

noobermin 11y ago
Amen to being real. I've had a boss that is insecure, obviously wants to assert themselves and does so in non-direct ways, like through email, but can't do it in person and acts nice (falsely, as I've now come to learn). It drives me nuts. Being direct and honest saves a lot of time. However, people come from different backgrounds and have different levels of comfort in expressing themselves, so we often have to learn to deal with such people.
jokoon 11y ago
I would not say it like that. Being a jerk might be seen as necessary in a environment of political correctness and kindness. Also, sometimes, decisions being taken swiftly can mean steady progress, while not being very pleasing. There is a difference between being "real straightforward" and being a jerk that just annoy others without having any nice intent behind it. You say you have got happier, but it might be at the expense of others, and did it improve your work or the work of others, or the work of the company ? Hard to tell.
mistermann 11y ago
> There are times to be nice and times to be a jerk. That's it. You have to listen to your instincts, an activity assiduously avoided by the Atlantic demographic. To me it sounds like you are describing how a society of reasonable people should act. That we don't live in such a society is why articles like this are useful - for reasonable people to deal with these others, who have often risen to positions of power, we must first understand them. Speaking for myself and the current environment I'm working in, I found the article very interesting and I would very much like to know more on the subject.
erikb 11y ago
You should have finished reading the article. The focus changes quite a bit in the second half. The result is that neither jerk nor nice guy wins.

noobermin 11y ago

Amen to being real. I've had a boss that is insecure, obviously wants to assert themselves and does so in non-direct ways, like through email, but can't do it in person and acts nice (falsely, as I've now come to learn). It drives me nuts. Being direct and honest saves a lot of time. However, people come from different backgrounds and have different levels of comfort in expressing themselves, so we often have to learn to deal with such people.

jokoon 11y ago

I would not say it like that. Being a jerk might be seen as necessary in a environment of political correctness and kindness. Also, sometimes, decisions being taken swiftly can mean steady progress, while not being very pleasing. There is a difference between being "real straightforward" and being a jerk that just annoy others without having any nice intent behind it. You say you have got happier, but it might be at the expense of others, and did it improve your work or the work of others, or the work of the company ? Hard to tell.

mistermann 11y ago

> There are times to be nice and times to be a jerk. That's it. You have to listen to your instincts, an activity assiduously avoided by the Atlantic demographic. To me it sounds like you are describing how a society of reasonable people should act. That we don't live in such a society is why articles like this are useful - for reasonable people to deal with these others, who have often risen to positions of power, we must first understand them. Speaking for myself and the current environment I'm working in, I found the article very interesting and I would very much like to know more on the subject.

erikb 11y ago

You should have finished reading the article. The focus changes quite a bit in the second half. The result is that neither jerk nor nice guy wins.