5 ms·

Big difference between letting kids be free to do things and not coddling them vs. using authority to push them to do things they are uncomfortable with or afra

Big difference between letting kids be free to do things and not coddling them vs. using authority to push them to do things they are uncomfortable with or afraid of.

bmelton 11y ago
Perhaps, but at the same time, it falls incumbent upon the parent to push kids into doing things they aren't comfortable with. The incidents in the story, really, aren't much different from a parent pushing their kids off on their first bike ride with no training wheels. Are they going to fall? Maybe. Are they going to die? Definitely not. Kids often have overblown senses of danger. Did the river have alligators? Maybe, maybe not (I checked though, it does), but kids are often imagining dangers that aren't there. Old Lady Crenshaw isn't really a witch, and her house isn't really haunted, and Old Man Cratchett isn't likely to shoot trespassing children on sight. My family frequently goes to Hawaii, and while it literally took weeks to convince my child that yeah, there are sharks in the ocean, but it's still safer than the car ride TO the beach. I don't feel even slightly guilty for trading out her fear of sharks for the wonderment that is the ocean. We discussed how to deal with sharks, what to do if we encounter one, blah blah blah, but at least to me, "avoiding the whole ocean forever" was not a valid way to deal with that fear.
- jimmaswell 11y ago
  >Are they going to die? Definitely not. Do you think alligators can't kill you?
  - bmelton 11y ago
    I think that I'm deferring to the judgement of the father, and not the unreliable narrator, who expressly confesses that there might not have been any alligators around whatsoever. Regardless, even though you quoted out of context, it's perhaps worth backpeddling a bit, because even though I stated that they're definitely not going to die while riding a bike, even that is an overstatement. It's clearly not impossible to die on one's maiden bike ride, though it is still very, very unlikely.
    - jimmaswell 11y ago
      The bicycle was an analogy for diving into the water, wasn't it? I read it as it being said that in both cases you definitely won't die.
      - bmelton 11y ago
        It was, but more importantly, a kid riding their bike for the first time without training wheels can be a terrifying experience, because their brains (as well as ours) aren't very good at risk assessment. Pushing a kid on a bike without training wheels for the first time could very easily be interpreted as attempted murder by a precocious child. That doesn't mean that their fears are rational. Swimming in a river has a non-zero chance of alligator attack, statistically, alligator attacks are very, very rare, and you're far more likely to die of regular old drowning than by alligator.
  - mst 11y ago
    They almost never attack except extremely young children. Crossing a road or taking a car ride is likely more dangerous.
nostrebored 11y ago
Do you not believe that showing kids that the things they're afraid of aren't that bad is detrimental? I mean I was afraid of sleeping in my room, my parents forced me to, is that a bad thing?
- jimmaswell 11y ago
  But swimming in a place with alligators IS bad and dangerous. Alligators are not cuddly swamp friends. Are you being facetious?
  - nostrebored 11y ago
    I'm trying to determine exactly what he thinks. While I do feel like there are cases where parents can abuse their power to make kids do dangerous things that they should not do, I do not think forcing kids to do things that -- with their limited experience -- they think are dangerous is a bad thing.
jordan0day 11y ago
Obviously there are limits, but pushing your kids to do things they are uncomfortable with or afraid of is part of being a good parent.

Big difference between letting kids be free to do things and not coddling them vs. using authority to push them to do things they are uncomfortable with or afraid of.

bmelton 11y ago

Perhaps, but at the same time, it falls incumbent upon the parent to push kids into doing things they aren't comfortable with. The incidents in the story, really, aren't much different from a parent pushing their kids off on their first bike ride with no training wheels. Are they going to fall? Maybe. Are they going to die? Definitely not. Kids often have overblown senses of danger. Did the river have alligators? Maybe, maybe not (I checked though, it does), but kids are often imagining dangers that aren't there. Old Lady Crenshaw isn't really a witch, and her house isn't really haunted, and Old Man Cratchett isn't likely to shoot trespassing children on sight. My family frequently goes to Hawaii, and while it literally took weeks to convince my child that yeah, there are sharks in the ocean, but it's still safer than the car ride TO the beach. I don't feel even slightly guilty for trading out her fear of sharks for the wonderment that is the ocean. We discussed how to deal with sharks, what to do if we encounter one, blah blah blah, but at least to me, "avoiding the whole ocean forever" was not a valid way to deal with that fear.

jimmaswell 11y ago
>Are they going to die? Definitely not. Do you think alligators can't kill you?
- bmelton 11y ago
  I think that I'm deferring to the judgement of the father, and not the unreliable narrator, who expressly confesses that there might not have been any alligators around whatsoever. Regardless, even though you quoted out of context, it's perhaps worth backpeddling a bit, because even though I stated that they're definitely not going to die while riding a bike, even that is an overstatement. It's clearly not impossible to die on one's maiden bike ride, though it is still very, very unlikely.
  - jimmaswell 11y ago
    The bicycle was an analogy for diving into the water, wasn't it? I read it as it being said that in both cases you definitely won't die.
    - bmelton 11y ago
      It was, but more importantly, a kid riding their bike for the first time without training wheels can be a terrifying experience, because their brains (as well as ours) aren't very good at risk assessment. Pushing a kid on a bike without training wheels for the first time could very easily be interpreted as attempted murder by a precocious child. That doesn't mean that their fears are rational. Swimming in a river has a non-zero chance of alligator attack, statistically, alligator attacks are very, very rare, and you're far more likely to die of regular old drowning than by alligator.
- mst 11y ago
  They almost never attack except extremely young children. Crossing a road or taking a car ride is likely more dangerous.

nostrebored 11y ago

Do you not believe that showing kids that the things they're afraid of aren't that bad is detrimental? I mean I was afraid of sleeping in my room, my parents forced me to, is that a bad thing?

jimmaswell 11y ago
But swimming in a place with alligators IS bad and dangerous. Alligators are not cuddly swamp friends. Are you being facetious?
- nostrebored 11y ago
  I'm trying to determine exactly what he thinks. While I do feel like there are cases where parents can abuse their power to make kids do dangerous things that they should not do, I do not think forcing kids to do things that -- with their limited experience -- they think are dangerous is a bad thing.

jordan0day 11y ago

Obviously there are limits, but pushing your kids to do things they are uncomfortable with or afraid of is part of being a good parent.