4 ms·

I wonder how OK it is in their relationship to say things like that. That's obviously a joke, but it still comes quite bitter when such phrases are then reveale

by unlogic 12y ago

I wonder how OK it is in their relationship to say things like that. That's obviously a joke, but it still comes quite bitter when such phrases are then revealed to general public.

noir_lord 12y ago
No it doesn't, it comes across as a light hearted joke. Context is important as is apparently a thicker skin.
- pbhjpbhj 12y ago
  As the aphorism goes 'many a true word was said in jest' [must be from Shakespeare, surely?].
  - cturner 12y ago
    It's a good point, but Chaucer's words. Also - don't call me surely.
    - pbhjpbhj 12y ago
      Thanks Shirley! ;0)
- drzaiusapelord 12y ago
  Well, imagine if the gender roles were reversed then. "Haha, you're so much better/funnier/sexier than my gf" would be a disaster to a woman, especially if I spent my day flirting with this fake girl. The hypothetical real girlfriend taking offense at this is 100% understandable. Go ahead and post to /r/askwomen if they think it would be hilarious if their boyfriends and husbands flirted with a fake woman 24/7 and compared her to them. I suspect you won't be getting this libertine and ultra-thick skinned response out of them. To a guy on the receiving end, its "buck up, pussy" which seems unfair. Men's feelings deserve validation too. Shamefully, the gender dual standard continues even to the younger ultra-liberal crowd who dominate HN.
  - EGreg 12y ago
    I'm a liberal but probably not the demographic you think. Compare if the situation was reversed for the following phrase: "Oh, you're so much more dependable than my actual gf." Or "Oh, you're so much funnier than my actual girlfriend". Men would get far more offended than women. Why is that? Why aren't there as many female comedians? I think that biologically, women value the intimacy and sexual appeal that their mate seeks in them, and are jealous/threatened when he seeks it in others. While men value the respect and sexual availability that their mate gives to them, and are jealous/threatened when she gives it to others. It ultimately goes back to the very real difference that women can have less children simultaneously than men, and therefore men are the first to be sacrificed for the good of the group and polygamy was a very natural state for men who were the ones who risked and died in wars and other adventures to provide for their tribes. I highly recommend you read this: http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm
    - drzaiusapelord 12y ago
      Justifying dual standards with questionable evolutionary psychology, frankly, is just not convincing. If I found my wife flirting with other men online, be it via a "fake" service - whatever that may mean, its a serious violation of my trust and damages our relationship on a significant level. I don't care what hamfisted biological theories you toss out, its hurtful and disloyal. We're not all Sheldon Cooper. >adventures to provide for their tribes. I don't live in a tribal society and I suspect neither do you. I can't have 10 wives or 20 mistresses nor challenge people to honor duels. In fact, the state demands I'm non-violent, have only one wife, and society puts a great deal of pressure on us to stay monogamous. We have next to nothing in common with cavemen and the tribes of old. I live in a modern society and play by its rules, that includes taking monogamy seriously in my marriage. My wife doesn't get the luxury of being immune from this because she's a woman and my feelings towards monogamy aren't invalidated because I'm a man.
      - mattgreenrocks 12y ago
        I think people cling to these theories in the hope they could explain every facet of human behavior. There's no Grand Unifying Theory of Relationships, period. Certain people may act a certain way, but if you're choosing a mate, you don't want just anybody. Life isn't a popularity contest; you're not trying to capture the imagination of a random person. People mature at different rates, and have different value systems. These forces check our base impulses, and shape us into someone who is more than just the product of our own petty desires. Worse, reductionism often carries with it an implicit acquiescence to terrible behavior.
cobblestone 12y ago
The context was about speed of responding to messages -- that the service, unsurprisingly, is speedier at responding than her boyfriend. What boyfriend would be put off by that?

by unlogic 12y ago

I wonder how OK it is in their relationship to say things like that. That's obviously a joke, but it still comes quite bitter when such phrases are then revealed to general public.

noir_lord 12y ago

No it doesn't, it comes across as a light hearted joke. Context is important as is apparently a thicker skin.

pbhjpbhj 12y ago
As the aphorism goes 'many a true word was said in jest' [must be from Shakespeare, surely?].
- cturner 12y ago
  It's a good point, but Chaucer's words. Also - don't call me surely.
  - pbhjpbhj 12y ago
    Thanks Shirley! ;0)
drzaiusapelord 12y ago
Well, imagine if the gender roles were reversed then. "Haha, you're so much better/funnier/sexier than my gf" would be a disaster to a woman, especially if I spent my day flirting with this fake girl. The hypothetical real girlfriend taking offense at this is 100% understandable. Go ahead and post to /r/askwomen if they think it would be hilarious if their boyfriends and husbands flirted with a fake woman 24/7 and compared her to them. I suspect you won't be getting this libertine and ultra-thick skinned response out of them. To a guy on the receiving end, its "buck up, pussy" which seems unfair. Men's feelings deserve validation too. Shamefully, the gender dual standard continues even to the younger ultra-liberal crowd who dominate HN.
- EGreg 12y ago
  I'm a liberal but probably not the demographic you think. Compare if the situation was reversed for the following phrase: "Oh, you're so much more dependable than my actual gf." Or "Oh, you're so much funnier than my actual girlfriend". Men would get far more offended than women. Why is that? Why aren't there as many female comedians? I think that biologically, women value the intimacy and sexual appeal that their mate seeks in them, and are jealous/threatened when he seeks it in others. While men value the respect and sexual availability that their mate gives to them, and are jealous/threatened when she gives it to others. It ultimately goes back to the very real difference that women can have less children simultaneously than men, and therefore men are the first to be sacrificed for the good of the group and polygamy was a very natural state for men who were the ones who risked and died in wars and other adventures to provide for their tribes. I highly recommend you read this: http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm
  - drzaiusapelord 12y ago
    Justifying dual standards with questionable evolutionary psychology, frankly, is just not convincing. If I found my wife flirting with other men online, be it via a "fake" service - whatever that may mean, its a serious violation of my trust and damages our relationship on a significant level. I don't care what hamfisted biological theories you toss out, its hurtful and disloyal. We're not all Sheldon Cooper. >adventures to provide for their tribes. I don't live in a tribal society and I suspect neither do you. I can't have 10 wives or 20 mistresses nor challenge people to honor duels. In fact, the state demands I'm non-violent, have only one wife, and society puts a great deal of pressure on us to stay monogamous. We have next to nothing in common with cavemen and the tribes of old. I live in a modern society and play by its rules, that includes taking monogamy seriously in my marriage. My wife doesn't get the luxury of being immune from this because she's a woman and my feelings towards monogamy aren't invalidated because I'm a man.
    - mattgreenrocks 12y ago
      I think people cling to these theories in the hope they could explain every facet of human behavior. There's no Grand Unifying Theory of Relationships, period. Certain people may act a certain way, but if you're choosing a mate, you don't want just anybody. Life isn't a popularity contest; you're not trying to capture the imagination of a random person. People mature at different rates, and have different value systems. These forces check our base impulses, and shape us into someone who is more than just the product of our own petty desires. Worse, reductionism often carries with it an implicit acquiescence to terrible behavior.

cobblestone 12y ago

The context was about speed of responding to messages -- that the service, unsurprisingly, is speedier at responding than her boyfriend. What boyfriend would be put off by that?