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From my experience, indebting other people to you works really well too. However, you must not expect anything in return when doing the favour, and act gracious
by typon 12y ago
From my experience, indebting other people to you works really well too. However, you must not expect anything in return when doing the favour, and act gracious even if they don't return it.
- saalweachter 12y agoA poem on the subject of lending & taking: Lending Out Books Hal Sirowitz You’re always giving, my therapist said. You have to learn how to take. Whenever you meed a woman, the first thing you do is lend her your books. You think she’ll have to see you again in order to return them. But what happens is, she doesn’t have the time to read them, & she’s afraid if she sees you again you’ll expect her to talk about them, & will want to lend her even more. So she cancels the date. You end up losing a lot of books. You should borrow hers.
- typon 12y agoThat's such a sad and pessimistic way of looking at life.
- _archon_ 12y ago*You should each borrow a book from each other.
- crimsonalucard 12y agoI think just borrowing the book yourself is overall better then lending or exchanging. It removes all the pressure from her and makes subsequent interaction easier.
- alandarev 12y agoIf you want to lose a friend, lend him/her. (Russian proverb) To highlight your message, I as well suggest anyone lending to prepare for the worst case scenario - never see it back. If you start persuading person owing you, he/she might pay back but you will never be friends. On other hand, why indebt people? What happened to genuine helping others?
- DanBC 12y agoThere is some psychological "research" that suggests if you ask a person to help you they then like you more.
- sliverstorm 12y agoI don't think they are talking about holding it over their head. You can render people favors & establish that kind of relationship, without browbeating them about it.
- atmosx 12y agoHappened to me too. Unfortunately, lending money or items to a friend is very dangerous if that friend is precious. When it comes to money, I'd say generally speaking: lend as much as you can afford to lose. Like short-term, high-risk investments: It is a high-risk investment, you could loose a friend. On the other hand, the bond could become stronger and he will owe you one, but friends who count who owes how much to whom are in bad territory anyway...
- danieltillett 12y agoI have always found the opposite - a debt that can't be paid back is the best way I know of for creating an enemy. If you ever really help someone make sure you cancel it as soon as possible by asking for something in return. It doesn't matter if what you ask for is small, but you must release the recipient of your debt as soon as possible.
- bluedino 12y agoYou also have to be careful to not become known as a pushover.