4 ms·

Your messages sound really stilted and like you're really nervous. They jump from one random topic to the next, without actually showing anything uniquely you.

Your messages sound really stilted and like you're really nervous. They jump from one random topic to the next, without actually showing anything uniquely you. > But, well, I own a 5 foot long remote controlled floating dolphin. I gave up on being 100% sane long ago. Technically I am sane, but I do enjoy having fun toying around with things. I also drive a bright orange car! What this says: I own toys, you should know about them! Also, I think I'm "crazy!" And I have an awesome car, look at my success! It makes you sound kind of like you're filling your life with things because you've been socially rejected. If that whole block of indented text was your entire first message, then it's incredibly rambly and full of similar flags. One of my most successful stream of messages went something like this: noticing that my potential date lived in Cambridge, I asked if they had explored the area (they said they were adventurous in their profile). When they responded with "Yeah, I've found some cool stuff", I then asked if they'd found the secret staircase that led to the lair of angry geese on the river? This establishes both that 1. I've actually read their profile, and 2. I have some knowledge they would be interested in, and that they can share in. Here's how I'd rephrase your second message: I noticed from your profile that you enjoy a good cup of tea. Do you make your own, or have you visited a lot of different tea houses? You're not overwhelming the other person with information, just asking a question that, if they've shown an interest, they're generally really happy to expand on. Don't treat your messages like emails or letters, but more like instant messages. Keep them short and easy to respond to, and let the other person tell you some of their story. Edit: Also, don't ask so many things! It's hard enough for someone to want to answer a single question you ask them. Answering 3 or more is too much effort: if they wanted to start answering your first one, but kept reading instead, you've failed to convert, and by the third one they've likely skipped on to someone else's message.

jliechti1 13y ago
This is the right approach. Just ask a simple question that shows you read the person's profile and ask them to expand on something you would like to know more about (and it should be something you are genuinely curious about). Also, stay away from anything romantic/sexual, and you'll stick out way more compared to all the crazy/creepy guys that are messaging her.
com2kid 13y ago
The point about the orange car was meant to be self deprecating! (The $10 inflatable dolphin is supposed to be cute, ends up being really freaky looking, go figure!) The dolphin was actually something I brought into work for my team to play with, we had a good chunk of the building watching as we flew it around our atrium. The problem is, it is hard to capture that I am the sort of person who is always thinking of ways to help make his team happy without writing really lame sentences like this one! I do write more sane messages, to a girl who had mentioned that she liked eating animals, What is your favorite mammal to consume? I've been on a lamb kick lately, lamb burgers stuffed with basil and spinach are so good! Put some goat cheese in the very middle, and life is divine! and in other food related messages! There is a place in the ID that sells durian milkshakes. The shakes are a bit on the strong side. :) What other sorts of weird things have you had? I think squid jerky was one of the more interesting foodstuffs I've tried. Overall, after 4 years of trying I've yet to find a good way to write messages. :/
- enneff 13y ago
  Try ending with the question, rather than leading it. For instance, taking your line about weird foods and flipping the sentences yields this: I think squid jerky was one of the more interesting foodstuffs I've tried. What other sorts of weird things have you had? The revised phrasing is more conversational. Ending with a question gives them something to go on. Otherwise they finish reading the message wondering what squid jerky is like and why you would say "foodstuffs" when you could use "foods" instead. And don't use weird language like that. Just say what you mean, simply. Your messages read as if you're trying to fill them with personality. ("Life is divine!" comes across as weird.) Stop using exclamation marks. You don't want to put too much information into messages. When you say less the other person will fill the blanks with their imagination, and people tend to be optimistic. They'll see you as they want to see you. Whereas your messages are full of a subtext that makes you seem over-enthusiastic and a bit "quirky!" (in other words: annoying). Sorry for being blunt, just calling it how I see it from the few messages you have posted.
  - com2kid 13y ago
    > Try ending with the question, rather than leading it. For instance, taking your line about weird foods and flipping the sentences yields this: My sentence structure is almost always question first then statement, not the best form, but one that seems to come naturally to me. I'll work on flipping it around! Then again I enjoy abuse of English in general, one the sign offs to a message I sent went as such: With the names of artists hanging in the air, I shall end this message, with hopes of hearing a reply. (That one did get a reply!) I have done other hideous things on OKC as well, including getting into a short story writing contest with an English teacher one time. That was enjoyable. :-D
cryoshon 13y ago
So, where's the secret staircase that leads to the lair of angry geese on the river? It sounds like a fun time for me and my wife.
- mjmahone17 13y ago
  The north bank of the Charles, along the bike path, has all kinds of secret, discoverable places. I actually can't remember the exact location anymore, but I know it's where the path is about 30 feet above the bank.

jliechti1 13y ago

This is the right approach. Just ask a simple question that shows you read the person's profile and ask them to expand on something you would like to know more about (and it should be something you are genuinely curious about). Also, stay away from anything romantic/sexual, and you'll stick out way more compared to all the crazy/creepy guys that are messaging her.

com2kid 13y ago

The point about the orange car was meant to be self deprecating! (The $10 inflatable dolphin is supposed to be cute, ends up being really freaky looking, go figure!) The dolphin was actually something I brought into work for my team to play with, we had a good chunk of the building watching as we flew it around our atrium. The problem is, it is hard to capture that I am the sort of person who is always thinking of ways to help make his team happy without writing really lame sentences like this one! I do write more sane messages, to a girl who had mentioned that she liked eating animals, What is your favorite mammal to consume? I've been on a lamb kick lately, lamb burgers stuffed with basil and spinach are so good! Put some goat cheese in the very middle, and life is divine! and in other food related messages! There is a place in the ID that sells durian milkshakes. The shakes are a bit on the strong side. :) What other sorts of weird things have you had? I think squid jerky was one of the more interesting foodstuffs I've tried. Overall, after 4 years of trying I've yet to find a good way to write messages. :/

enneff 13y ago
Try ending with the question, rather than leading it. For instance, taking your line about weird foods and flipping the sentences yields this: I think squid jerky was one of the more interesting foodstuffs I've tried. What other sorts of weird things have you had? The revised phrasing is more conversational. Ending with a question gives them something to go on. Otherwise they finish reading the message wondering what squid jerky is like and why you would say "foodstuffs" when you could use "foods" instead. And don't use weird language like that. Just say what you mean, simply. Your messages read as if you're trying to fill them with personality. ("Life is divine!" comes across as weird.) Stop using exclamation marks. You don't want to put too much information into messages. When you say less the other person will fill the blanks with their imagination, and people tend to be optimistic. They'll see you as they want to see you. Whereas your messages are full of a subtext that makes you seem over-enthusiastic and a bit "quirky!" (in other words: annoying). Sorry for being blunt, just calling it how I see it from the few messages you have posted.
- com2kid 13y ago
  > Try ending with the question, rather than leading it. For instance, taking your line about weird foods and flipping the sentences yields this: My sentence structure is almost always question first then statement, not the best form, but one that seems to come naturally to me. I'll work on flipping it around! Then again I enjoy abuse of English in general, one the sign offs to a message I sent went as such: With the names of artists hanging in the air, I shall end this message, with hopes of hearing a reply. (That one did get a reply!) I have done other hideous things on OKC as well, including getting into a short story writing contest with an English teacher one time. That was enjoyable. :-D

cryoshon 13y ago

So, where's the secret staircase that leads to the lair of angry geese on the river? It sounds like a fun time for me and my wife.

mjmahone17 13y ago
The north bank of the Charles, along the bike path, has all kinds of secret, discoverable places. I actually can't remember the exact location anymore, but I know it's where the path is about 30 feet above the bank.