7 ms·

Sorry, but this is just bullshit. It's what guys tell themselves because they can't write reasonable profiles or write non-creepy messages to women. I've read

Sorry, but this is just bullshit. It's what guys tell themselves because they can't write reasonable profiles or write non-creepy messages to women. I've read what most guys send my female friends on okcupid. Not just the random idiots, but what i would think would be otherwise intelligent people. It often comes off as desperate or creepy. It's certainly true that it helps to be attractive. But I'm an average looking guy, but i have no problem finding dates on okcupid. I've summarized the average guy profile here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RegularOKCGuy?disable_mobile=1 http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RegularOKCGuy?disable_mobile=... (humorously, this profile gets almost as many likes as my real profile) Realistically, have someone of the opposite sex that is the type of person you want to attract, read your profile. Ask them questions about what they like and don't. That will solve your profile problems. As for messages, this is harder.

com2kid 13y ago
> I've summarized the average guy profile here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RegularOKCGuy?disable_mobile=.. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RegularOKCGuy?disable_mobile=.... Annoyingly enough very similar to my profile! :P But yeah. I have a good job, I go to the gym and workout, what the heck else am I expected to do? I'm working my ass off to make a positive impact on the world. Fuck if I am going to drop that so I can be a narcissistic asshole, quit my job, and fly around the world discovering myself. As for the messages I send, I try my best to be original and different, for example, What does make you laugh? The silliness of life? Those who take themselves too seriously, or those who take themselves not seriously at all? Both are amusing in their own way, though I cannot understand why one would pain themselves by taking life seriously! Not to say life is without value, life most certainly has value, and helping others is the noblest of callings. But, well, I own a 5 foot long remote controlled floating dolphin. I gave up on being 100% sane long ago. Technically I am sane, but I do enjoy having fun toying around with things. I also drive a bright orange car! What about yourself? What is your alarm clock set to? I once set my dad's cell phone ringer to a rooster crowing. He was not pleased, although my mother almost fell out of her chair laughing. (My current alarm is Violin music, in all honesty, it is not that good at waking me up!) That message apparently didn't go over very well! Other messages are sent such as Hmm, a good cup of coffee may be easy to find, but I have had to teach myself how to make a good cup of tea! I find the ritual itself can be fairly relaxing. (Depends on the culture of the tea of course, some teas are easier to prepare than others!) Is your work in the heathcare industry on something like replacing old people with robots? Someone should get on that. I know for a fact that the day I turn 60, I want a super strong steel alloy robot body. Actually I might take that offer a bit sooner than 60, it'd be hard to wait! Which also apparently didn't go over well either!
- deleted 13y ago
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- mjmahone17 13y ago
  Your messages sound really stilted and like you're really nervous. They jump from one random topic to the next, without actually showing anything uniquely you. > But, well, I own a 5 foot long remote controlled floating dolphin. I gave up on being 100% sane long ago. Technically I am sane, but I do enjoy having fun toying around with things. I also drive a bright orange car! What this says: I own toys, you should know about them! Also, I think I'm "crazy!" And I have an awesome car, look at my success! It makes you sound kind of like you're filling your life with things because you've been socially rejected. If that whole block of indented text was your entire first message, then it's incredibly rambly and full of similar flags. One of my most successful stream of messages went something like this: noticing that my potential date lived in Cambridge, I asked if they had explored the area (they said they were adventurous in their profile). When they responded with "Yeah, I've found some cool stuff", I then asked if they'd found the secret staircase that led to the lair of angry geese on the river? This establishes both that 1. I've actually read their profile, and 2. I have some knowledge they would be interested in, and that they can share in. Here's how I'd rephrase your second message: I noticed from your profile that you enjoy a good cup of tea. Do you make your own, or have you visited a lot of different tea houses? You're not overwhelming the other person with information, just asking a question that, if they've shown an interest, they're generally really happy to expand on. Don't treat your messages like emails or letters, but more like instant messages. Keep them short and easy to respond to, and let the other person tell you some of their story. Edit: Also, don't ask so many things! It's hard enough for someone to want to answer a single question you ask them. Answering 3 or more is too much effort: if they wanted to start answering your first one, but kept reading instead, you've failed to convert, and by the third one they've likely skipped on to someone else's message.
  - jliechti1 13y ago
    This is the right approach. Just ask a simple question that shows you read the person's profile and ask them to expand on something you would like to know more about (and it should be something you are genuinely curious about). Also, stay away from anything romantic/sexual, and you'll stick out way more compared to all the crazy/creepy guys that are messaging her.
sliverstorm 13y ago
It's certainly true that it helps to be attractive I think specifically in this context what is meant is 1) have good pictures 2) don't have bad pictures Even OKc harps on pictures, because they know from their data that pictures are important.
- DannyBee 13y ago
  Yes. In fact, if you have good pictures, okcupid will let you know. Among other things, you will get an email that says "We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid. ...", once the clickthroughs on your profile increase. (I thought they send this to everyone, but it turns out not to be true, it's related to profile clickthroughs. See http://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2012/12/20/is-being-one-of-the-most-attractive-people-on-okcupid-a-permanent-status/ http://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2012/12/20/is-being-one-of...) They also have the mybestface stuff, which helps a lot.
scarmig 13y ago
Did I say a typical guy can't get dates on OkC? No. It's easy to--I'm somewhat below average in the looks department, but I had a steady stream of dates (probably averaging somewhere between 1 and 2 per week) on OkC while I was on it (until I met my current partner on it). The point is that you're not suddenly going to triple or quadruple your inbound message rate or reply rate by improving your written profile. This much is clear, and the fact that your average guy profile gets nearly as much positive attention as your real profile indicates as much. However, smartly choosing quality pictures is probably the one thing anyone should do, and you're going to get far more value back for the investment than putting hours writing a profile slightly more witty and more interesting than your previous profile. It triples, or quadruples, or quintuples your reply rates. ETA: Another way to look at it is this: someone who writes a boring profile and sends stilted messages will, at best, only be able to write a slightly less boring profile and won't in general be able to improve their crappy messages (with the assumption that the profile or messages don't contain stupid dealbreakers in the first place), no matter how much effort they put into the rewrite. If writing is an area of weakness for you, then rewriting isn't going to do much good for you. On the other hand, crappy pictures can be replaced in a matter of hours with something that anyone can tell is much better, even if you're not generally considered attractive.
- DannyBee 13y ago
  "The point is that you're not suddenly going to triple or quadruple your inbound message rate or reply rate by improving your written profile." I strongly disagree. I have A/B tested written profiles on okcupid and elsewhere, and found it matters a lot. " This much is clear, and the fact that your average guy profile gets nearly as much positive attention as your real profile indicates as much." Actually, the attention is mainly from women who think it's hilarious :) "However, smartly choosing quality pictures is probably the one thing anyone should do, and you're going to get far more value back for the investment than putting hours writing a profile slightly more witty and more interesting than your previous profile. It triples, or quadruples, or quintuples your reply rates. " I don't disagree with this either. Far too many people have profile pictures that they don't look comfortable or confident in. For example, too many people dress/etc based on what they think people think looks good, instead of what makes them feel actually confident and attractive. They look uncomfortable as hell, and it's completely obvious to the outside world.
defen 13y ago
That profile is hilarious. Maybe I'm giving the average OKC woman too much credit, but are you sure they aren't picking up on the satire?

com2kid 13y ago

> I've summarized the average guy profile here: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RegularOKCGuy?disable_mobile=.. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RegularOKCGuy?disable_mobile=.... Annoyingly enough very similar to my profile! :P But yeah. I have a good job, I go to the gym and workout, what the heck else am I expected to do? I'm working my ass off to make a positive impact on the world. Fuck if I am going to drop that so I can be a narcissistic asshole, quit my job, and fly around the world discovering myself. As for the messages I send, I try my best to be original and different, for example, What does make you laugh? The silliness of life? Those who take themselves too seriously, or those who take themselves not seriously at all? Both are amusing in their own way, though I cannot understand why one would pain themselves by taking life seriously! Not to say life is without value, life most certainly has value, and helping others is the noblest of callings. But, well, I own a 5 foot long remote controlled floating dolphin. I gave up on being 100% sane long ago. Technically I am sane, but I do enjoy having fun toying around with things. I also drive a bright orange car! What about yourself? What is your alarm clock set to? I once set my dad's cell phone ringer to a rooster crowing. He was not pleased, although my mother almost fell out of her chair laughing. (My current alarm is Violin music, in all honesty, it is not that good at waking me up!) That message apparently didn't go over very well! Other messages are sent such as Hmm, a good cup of coffee may be easy to find, but I have had to teach myself how to make a good cup of tea! I find the ritual itself can be fairly relaxing. (Depends on the culture of the tea of course, some teas are easier to prepare than others!) Is your work in the heathcare industry on something like replacing old people with robots? Someone should get on that. I know for a fact that the day I turn 60, I want a super strong steel alloy robot body. Actually I might take that offer a bit sooner than 60, it'd be hard to wait! Which also apparently didn't go over well either!

deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
mjmahone17 13y ago
Your messages sound really stilted and like you're really nervous. They jump from one random topic to the next, without actually showing anything uniquely you. > But, well, I own a 5 foot long remote controlled floating dolphin. I gave up on being 100% sane long ago. Technically I am sane, but I do enjoy having fun toying around with things. I also drive a bright orange car! What this says: I own toys, you should know about them! Also, I think I'm "crazy!" And I have an awesome car, look at my success! It makes you sound kind of like you're filling your life with things because you've been socially rejected. If that whole block of indented text was your entire first message, then it's incredibly rambly and full of similar flags. One of my most successful stream of messages went something like this: noticing that my potential date lived in Cambridge, I asked if they had explored the area (they said they were adventurous in their profile). When they responded with "Yeah, I've found some cool stuff", I then asked if they'd found the secret staircase that led to the lair of angry geese on the river? This establishes both that 1. I've actually read their profile, and 2. I have some knowledge they would be interested in, and that they can share in. Here's how I'd rephrase your second message: I noticed from your profile that you enjoy a good cup of tea. Do you make your own, or have you visited a lot of different tea houses? You're not overwhelming the other person with information, just asking a question that, if they've shown an interest, they're generally really happy to expand on. Don't treat your messages like emails or letters, but more like instant messages. Keep them short and easy to respond to, and let the other person tell you some of their story. Edit: Also, don't ask so many things! It's hard enough for someone to want to answer a single question you ask them. Answering 3 or more is too much effort: if they wanted to start answering your first one, but kept reading instead, you've failed to convert, and by the third one they've likely skipped on to someone else's message.
- jliechti1 13y ago
  This is the right approach. Just ask a simple question that shows you read the person's profile and ask them to expand on something you would like to know more about (and it should be something you are genuinely curious about). Also, stay away from anything romantic/sexual, and you'll stick out way more compared to all the crazy/creepy guys that are messaging her.

sliverstorm 13y ago

It's certainly true that it helps to be attractive I think specifically in this context what is meant is 1) have good pictures 2) don't have bad pictures Even OKc harps on pictures, because they know from their data that pictures are important.

DannyBee 13y ago
Yes. In fact, if you have good pictures, okcupid will let you know. Among other things, you will get an email that says "We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid. ...", once the clickthroughs on your profile increase. (I thought they send this to everyone, but it turns out not to be true, it's related to profile clickthroughs. See http://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2012/12/20/is-being-one-of-the-most-attractive-people-on-okcupid-a-permanent-status/ http://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2012/12/20/is-being-one-of...) They also have the mybestface stuff, which helps a lot.

scarmig 13y ago

Did I say a typical guy can't get dates on OkC? No. It's easy to--I'm somewhat below average in the looks department, but I had a steady stream of dates (probably averaging somewhere between 1 and 2 per week) on OkC while I was on it (until I met my current partner on it). The point is that you're not suddenly going to triple or quadruple your inbound message rate or reply rate by improving your written profile. This much is clear, and the fact that your average guy profile gets nearly as much positive attention as your real profile indicates as much. However, smartly choosing quality pictures is probably the one thing anyone should do, and you're going to get far more value back for the investment than putting hours writing a profile slightly more witty and more interesting than your previous profile. It triples, or quadruples, or quintuples your reply rates. ETA: Another way to look at it is this: someone who writes a boring profile and sends stilted messages will, at best, only be able to write a slightly less boring profile and won't in general be able to improve their crappy messages (with the assumption that the profile or messages don't contain stupid dealbreakers in the first place), no matter how much effort they put into the rewrite. If writing is an area of weakness for you, then rewriting isn't going to do much good for you. On the other hand, crappy pictures can be replaced in a matter of hours with something that anyone can tell is much better, even if you're not generally considered attractive.

DannyBee 13y ago
"The point is that you're not suddenly going to triple or quadruple your inbound message rate or reply rate by improving your written profile." I strongly disagree. I have A/B tested written profiles on okcupid and elsewhere, and found it matters a lot. " This much is clear, and the fact that your average guy profile gets nearly as much positive attention as your real profile indicates as much." Actually, the attention is mainly from women who think it's hilarious :) "However, smartly choosing quality pictures is probably the one thing anyone should do, and you're going to get far more value back for the investment than putting hours writing a profile slightly more witty and more interesting than your previous profile. It triples, or quadruples, or quintuples your reply rates. " I don't disagree with this either. Far too many people have profile pictures that they don't look comfortable or confident in. For example, too many people dress/etc based on what they think people think looks good, instead of what makes them feel actually confident and attractive. They look uncomfortable as hell, and it's completely obvious to the outside world.

defen 13y ago

That profile is hilarious. Maybe I'm giving the average OKC woman too much credit, but are you sure they aren't picking up on the satire?