10 ms·

My embarrassing picture went viral

165 points by venti 13y ago

Ivan_Raikov 13y ago
fridge raider. That was good
- SeanDav 13y ago
  >fridge raider. That was good I can hear the whoooosh as that article went straight over your head. I think you need to take a step back and do a little introspection. Also that type of comment does not belong here on HN News.
  - brazzy 13y ago
    Nope, it actually is funny. The subject herself thought so - seems like that part of the article went straight over your head. I do not think it makes the world better when you obsessively avoid saying anything that might possibly offend someone, let alone try to police everyone else.
    - smtddr 13y ago
      Tell me something, where do you draw the line? Do you think it's okay to make offensive jokes online? In the workplace? Just with close friends? What, if any, kind of offensive jokes are too offensive? Jokes about being overweight? sexist? racist? Or is having to think about any of this too much trouble; your definition of "obsessively avoiding". Maybe you don't bother at all drawing a line? Perhaps You just say what you feel like to appeal to your/friends' sense of humor?
      - mehwoot 13y ago
        Funny enough, I wasn’t even angry at first. I was actually kind of amused. Who doesn’t laugh at unfortunate shots of poorly dressed strangers? I’ve certainly done it before; the Internet runs on this kind of anonymous scorn. If you read the article, she was more unhappy about the extremely negative comments from people, not the original picture and joke.
      - danielweber 13y ago
        Everyone draws the line in their own place. I think some people will draw the line too far one way, I think some people will draw the line too far the other way, and other people will think the same thing (both ways) about the place I draw the line. The fact that one cannot come up with a universal rule that always works in all circumstances doesn't mean no one is allowed personal judgment.
      - brazzy 13y ago
        I draw the line where a joke or statement would be recognized by a third-party observer as hateful and/or intended to hurt someone. You know, like the comments that Ms. Seida actually said "took my heart with it". And yes, that's not an objective binary distinction, because that is not possible when you're dealing with language and feelings. My point is that it's not the topic that makes a joke offensive. You can have jokes about sex and race without them being sexist or racist. That enough thought for you? Or do you prefer not to actually think about this and just wallow in self-righteousness and assume that anyone who disagrees with you must not be thinking?
      - arnarbi 13y ago
        The line seems rather clear. "Haha, you're fat" phrased in a witty way isn't too bad, and can be amusing even to the "victim" if they have a healthy self-image. But "you should do everyone a favor and kill yourself", or "do the right thing and don't share such pictures of yourself" are hateful comments that have nothing to do with wit. Digging deeper, personal offensive jokes are acceptable when then joker knows the target well enough to know that it won't be taken as an actual offense. That's what makes them risky e.g. in workplaces where people don't know each other as well. But on the internet, such jokes are not personal to begin with. You could replace the OP's picture with a photograph of any other overweight person and it wouldn't make a difference. It's only for people that recognize the person (including themselves) that the joke takes on a whole different meaning. As such, I don't have a huge problem with these jokes. The hateful comments are a different story, but I find that it helps to remember that they are written by children and other people who simply lack the development of empathy, and should neither be taken seriously nor held completely responsible. They just don't understand, just as a toddler wouldn't understand the repercussions of firing a gun.
        king_jester 13y ago
        > The line seems rather clear. "Haha, you're fat" phrased in a witty way isn't too bad, and can be amusing even to the "victim" if they have a healthy self-image. Are you serious? Fat people have a tremendously difficult time with being ridiculed for even existing, so no this joke was not acceptable. > But "you should do everyone a favor and kill yourself", or "do the right thing and don't share such pictures of yourself" are hateful comments that have nothing to do with wit. This joke and fat hatred go hand in hand. There are not separate entities, they are a part of the same continuum that made the joke a reality: fat people are lazy and have no impulse control and deserve ridicule. > Digging deeper, personal offensive jokes are acceptable when then joker knows the target well enough to know that it won't be taken as an actual offense. That's what makes them risky e.g. in workplaces where people don't know each other as well. But on the internet, such jokes are not personal to begin with. > You could replace the OP's picture with a photograph of any other overweight person and it wouldn't make a difference. It's only for people that recognize the person (including themselves) that the joke takes on a whole different meaning. As such, I don't have a huge problem with these jokes. The amount of shit fat people get from close friends about being fat is just as bad as a society from a whole, so why exactly would it be OK if it was just someone you knew personally hating you vs. a stranger on the internet? > The hateful comments are a different story, but I find that it helps to remember that they are written by children and other people who simply lack the development of empathy, and should neither be taken seriously nor held completely responsible. They just don't understand, just as a toddler wouldn't understand the repercussions of firing a gun. People are fully aware of what they post. Racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, fat hatred, etc. are the basis for many memes and the comments that go with them. There are not separate, they are a part of the same underlying thoughts and stereotypes that people actually believe in.
      - alan_cx 13y ago
        Given that offence it taken and not given, I think you'd best define "offensive" first. Then decide if you left any room for humor. IMHO, there is humor in weight, gender and race. The point is, is one trying to amuse or deliberately offend. Aside form this specific issue, I notice a huge cultural difference between the US and the UK in this. In the UK, we "take the piss". Its what we do. We sort of use it to equalise each other. In the US, it seems different. I am reminded of a situation a UK comedian found himself it. He's in the US, eating out with US friends. A man walks in with a awful wig on. UK bloke instinctively takes the piss out of him. The US lot are not happy. Apparently when a ridiculous looking person walks in people are supposed to be some how supportive of the attempt to better himself. In the UK, its cause for a lot of micky taking. Back to the case in point, even the subject is not objecting to the humor, she is objecting deliberately nasty comments specifically meant to be nasty. That has nothing what so ever to do with humor. The line? Well, IMHO, the line is intent. Is the comment meant to be funny or nasty. Lastly, have to ask, is obesity a specific US sensitivity? Seems from my POV that there is a hell of a lot of excuse making for obesity in the US that does not happen else where. Any suggestion that its the persons own doing, eating badly and not exercising, is stamped on like its some sort of heresy. Where as here its pretty much the accepted reason.
        bestdayever 13y ago
        >Lastly, have to ask, is obesity a specific US sensitivity? Seems from my POV that there is a hell of a lot of excuse making for obesity in the US that does not happen else where. Any suggestion that its the persons own doing, eating badly and not exercising, is stamped on like its some sort of heresy. Where as here its pretty much the accepted reason. Well there are a lot of obese people here. They even get handicap placards at this point, its recognized as a disease etc. They're 1 step short of becoming a protected group.
      - lmm 13y ago
        > Perhaps You just say what you feel like to appeal to your/friends' sense of humor? Isn't that what everyone does? If a joke is too cruel or personal then it won't be funny; I trust my friends' judgement enough that I don't think stupid stereotypes would amuse them. "Offensive" is a red herring, like "unprofessional" - it's what people say when they can't come up with a real reason for why what you said was wrong.
      - PeterisP 13y ago
        It's quite clear that a whole class of humor is offensive but is still funny. And no, there shouldn't be any lines drawn - there are jokes that is both funny and also obscenely offensive to various races, religions, nations or ethical viewpoints; but there is no such thing as too offensive, even if they are about, for example, the funny habits of babyraping [$ethnic] priests of [$religion]. There definitely are (a lot of) jokes that are inappropriate to a particular situation and impolite to a particular audience, where it would be hurtful and/or incite conflict - but all of them are suitable in other situations and audiences.
      - debacle 13y ago
        Given that the holocaust has been fair game for humor for close to 50 years, as far as I can recall, I think it's allowable to make a joke about pretty much everything. Something can be funny and also in poor taste.
  - alan_cx 13y ago
    Perhaps you need to take a step back and realise that making a joke does not mean misunderstanding an issue. I for one certainly found it amusingly ironic that in an article supposed to be sympathetic to a fat girl had an "Enlarge" button on the picture. Not to mention that the article it's self in fact propagates the image even more. Also, are you really saying humor has no place on HN? I see nothing in the FAQ about banning humor.
    - kaoD 13y ago
      There's nothing in the FAQ but... do you often see funny comments? Neither do I. Have fun in Hacker News and prepare to be downvoted.
    - taybin 13y ago
      The lack of humor on HN is the worst thing about it, IMHO. Of course that sort of cultural value won't be in the FAQ.
      - icebraining 13y ago
        Paraphrasing Steven King, HN accepts humor. It just isn't promiscuous about the humor it accepts.
  - spuz 13y ago
    The joke is fine, the problem is the people turning a joke into an opportunity to be hateful.
  - oftenwrong 13y ago
    HN News -> Hacker News News
GeorgeOrr 13y ago
"Why do you think that's funny" I loved that. A simple way to remind someone to treat other humans like humans. Thanks for that idea.
- smoyer 13y ago
  So true ... the fact that she can laugh at herself is a very useful skill but what I'm interested in is how the mob mentality allows someone to go from "Fridge Raider" (which I thought was funny ... and I'm no toothpick myself) to "That heifer should be put down". There's not a shred of humor in that, nor is there even a shred of humanity in it.
- mcv 13y ago
  It works in other situations too. If someone makes a racist or sexist joke, ask them to explain, because you don't get it.
pmelendez 13y ago
I admire her strong character. Most people on that situation would stay still and regret about their selves, but she actually did something about it. That's great. Other thing I got from the article is the reminder that I am doing it well in not uploading pictures to Facebook anymore.
- coldpie 13y ago
  Yeah. I'm not strong enough to take this kind of abuse, I know it, and I take steps to shield myself from it. I've never posted photos of myself online, and I actively ask my friends not to as well. They've all taken it well and done as I asked. I think it helps having grown up on the Internet back before it had "safe" places. If you think of everything posted on the Internet as public (because it is), it really changes how you interact with it.
Cthulhu_ 13y ago
(this comment got a bit long. tl;dr, the internet is full of insensitive pricks that don't get confronted with their own behaviour) A large percentage of the internet populace is running on autopilot: browse hundreds of random images a day for quick fixes of entertainment, and post the odd impulsive, thoughtless and, most importantly, internet-badassity-enhancing comment. It's much more common to be scathing and hurtful on the internet, simply because there is less of, or none of, a 'society filter' out there. If one were to stand on a soapbox in public and make the kind of remarks people make unashamedly and unfilteredly on the internet, they wouldn't be standing there for long and would in all likelihood get called out on their behavior. Not (directly) so on the internet. I can identify two major reasons for that: One, peer groups. Internet douchebags is a major internet peer group, who will e-high-five each other for remarks outlined in the article. Two: Nobody cares. Scathing remarks are made by anonymous people all over the internet, so a lot of people have been desensitised or simply feel powerless, on behalf of not actually knowing the person making the remarks. The difference for that last point lies in community. A lot of these image sharing sites have a loosely-tied, unloyal random userbase, where most commenters will not or never know or recognise each other from other 'threads'. This in contrast to, say, HN, where people can gain fame and notoriety over time. In the latter category, where comments and the overall mood is much less random and much more focussed at a certain audience, scathing and offensive and plain dumb comments (which is about 99% of youtube comments, for example) will not only be (anonymously, disconnecedly) downvoted, but outright confronted, countered, and the people behind them approached and have their unwanted behaviour pointed out to them. [faux-psychologist]Freud assigned people's behavior as a result of the id, ego, and super-ego; on the internet, shielded by anonymity and a high abstraction and reduction of communication to quickly typed, short messages, the super-ego has little power in the big, anonymous communities; there is little to no society that tells people "No, this behavior is unwanted". This in turn dulls the ego (one's rational mind, conscience, etc), allowing the id (the impulsive mind that screams LOL FAT PEOPLE KILL UR SELF LOL) to write a similar blurb onto the internet. Communities like HN have a much stronger super-ego, and unwanted behavior is put down. When the poster approached the commenters, she acted as the super-ego, and the commenters suddenly snapped out of their autopilot, impulsive state of mind, having their conscience suddenly kick in when they realised there was a living person with real feelings behind the 2D image of a random woman dressing up as a character with a different physique.[/faux-psychologist]
donquichotte 13y ago
This is a classic example of open-loop behaviour. People behave like assholes, but don't get the feedback they would be getting in real life. It's like the restaurant in tourist areas. Bad meals? Unfriendly staff? No problem - the customers won't be back, no matter whether the service is good or bad. They are tourists and will go home tomorrow. There's no tit for tat, no negative feedback. This doesn't work in engineering, and it doesn't work in human interaction either.
- makomk 13y ago
  Not really. In at least some of the internet communities that do this kind of thing, there is actually pressure to conform to the community's norms - it's just that the norms are fucked. For instance, anyone who stands up for the woman in a picture like this will get called all sorts of insults in order to pressure them to back down.
  - danielweber 13y ago
    Goes to show that peer pressure can be used for both good and for ill.
ce4 13y ago
Relevant posting from 2 weeks ago about a similar case (anti hipster): https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6412708 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6412708
- kubiiii 13y ago
  I wanted to point that either. In both cases the bullies behaviour changed the minute they realized it was a photograph of an actual human being who could feel pain from their comments.
ck2 13y ago
So you are saying a service designed for the lowest common denominator suffers from the lowest common denominator abusing it? Why do people have facebook accounts, seriously?
- ben0x539 13y ago
  Is this some tragedy of the commons thing? Individuals have to have facebook accounts or they'd be socially isolated because everybody else has facebook accounts they hate too? And it's not worth it to the individual user to cut themselves off?
- TeMPOraL 13y ago
  Because it's an extremely good, extremely efficient communication tool for keeping in touch with people you know. Much better than everything else there is so far.
  - chez17 13y ago
    I don't have a facebook profile and I keep in touch with people with the exciting new technologies of email and telephone. Amazing what actually talking to people does.
    - alex_c 13y ago
      http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/ http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mention...
    - TeMPOraL 13y ago
      I also use the exciting technologies of email and telephone, and talk to people. On top of that, I use Facebook to keep in touch with the remaining 90% of people I have weaker ties to, but once every half a year or sth. want to do some stuff together. One big value of Facebook is that it's a push system, not pull (and we know that push > pull). I can stay current with the life of hundreds of people I know without having to think much about it or check it manually. It scales better than e-mail/phone and allows different new ways to interact with people. And there's no reason not to use e-mail and phone along with using Facebook.
enscr 13y ago
I often find that physical problems that have to do with appearance rather than functionality of a human being are often ridiculed at. The ones making fun never realize that they are taking a potshot at something that you often have no control over. Some are sensitive to realize it while others aren't. I have friends that fall in both categories. Unless you know the problem, you tend to take it in a light and often mean spirited way. I'd say that you work towards keeping your spirits high and learn to forgive the ones who are making fun. Most of them are ignorant, not malicious. I applaud your attitude of taking the issue head-on. For my case, I've trained myself to forget such shortcomings with myself and most often I don't realize that they exist.
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- andyhmltn 13y ago
  You are aware that a disease such as the one listed can affect body weight and some people genuinely cannot lose it? The same way that some anorexics physically can't gain weight because their body won't allow it. If you're not trolling (which it looks like you are) then you are incredibly ignorant and need to poke your head out there a bit and do some research :)
  - deleted 13y ago
    [deleted]
    - brazzy 13y ago
      Then you are ignorant.
  - ciaranm 13y ago
    While the parent certainly didn't approach it in a polite way; they have a point in terms of the last comment at least. A quick search online associates PCOS with increased risk of type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol and blood pressure, stroke, infertility, fatty liver disease amongst other things. Hardly seems like something a doctor would assure someone was of no consequence to their overall health. So while saying 'you should work harder' isn't nice; the post shouldn't be disregarded.
    - chris_wot 13y ago
      > Hardly seems like something a doctor would assure someone was of no consequence to their overall health. The article doesn't say the doctor did. Reread it again, it says: I don’t generally view my body size as positive or negative — it simply is. I eat right (most of the time) and I exercise (an inordinate amount), but it does little, thanks to a struggle with polycystic ovarian syndrome and a failing thyroid gland. I’m strong, I’m flexible and my doctor assures me my health is good, but the fact remains: I’m larger than someone my height should be. Sounds to me like she already knows, is getting on with her life, and is making good, healthy choices.
marknutter 13y ago
> I don’t generally view my body size as positive or negative — it simply is. I eat right (most of the time) and I exercise (an inordinate amount), but it does little, thanks to a struggle with polycystic ovarian syndrome and a failing thyroid gland. I’m strong, I’m flexible and my doctor assures me my health is good, but the fact remains: I’m larger than someone my height should be. I feel for her and the negative comments are reprehensible, but what I hear in this particular paragraph are excuses. Having issues with POS and the thyroid gland do not make it impossible to lose weight, just more difficult. My advice: ignore the haters and come up with a game plan with your doctor to lose the weight in a steady and health way.
- informatimago 13y ago
  Why? Really. Most people only have one day or two of food at home. In cities, stores have two days of stock at most. The federal government shut down. If anything else happens, God forbids, that breaks down the provisioning circuits, panic will soon ensue, and for city dwellers, only 2 days before they start dying from thirst, and 42 days until they die of hunger. Now, I'd like to see all those lean people, how they'll fare after one week. If us the fat people can hide for a week and avoid being eaten by them, then the world will be ours!
  - chris_wot 13y ago
    Way to miss the point. Bravo.
    - robmcm 13y ago
      Way to miss the sarcasm.
      - chris_wot 13y ago
        Actually, that appeared to be a joke, not sarcasm. Which doesn't make the comment any less insensitive.
- 13y ago
ye 13y ago
> shaming me for having the audacity to go in public dressed as a sexy video game character I don't think she gets it. If you're ashamed of how you look, maybe the internet is not the problem.
- ben0x539 13y ago
  Being shamed for something is not the same thing as nor implies a necessity of being ashamed of something.
  - xerophtye 13y ago
    to elaborate on this excellent (though rather confusing) wording, I think you really don't get it. She didn't mean that they made her ashamed of the act, but that they were being hostile to her by saying stuff like "how DARE she dress up as a sexy video game character!! How dare she have FUN!!" get it?
- ianstallings 13y ago
  I don't think you get it. Life I mean. The Internet is not your personal zoo.
kartikkumar 13y ago
Who really cares what other people think about you, especially strangers that have no importance in your life? Haters are to be hated, but more than that I honestly think that life is too short to worry about what some random dumbass has to say about you. They're quite simply a waste of time and energy. With that said, feel free to hate on me for this post ... cause I won't care ...
- ben0x539 13y ago
  This kind of abuse affects different people very differently, and over a long time makes it really, really hard to keep up that "life is too short to worry about it" attitude. While the OP seems to be dealing well, don't underestimate how badly that sort of thing can drag you down and eg. sap all creative energy out of you.
a3voices 13y ago
> She reminded me that I was beautiful, and told me I would get through this. And then, like any kick-ass heroines, we came up with a plan. I was hoping the plan would be to lose weight.
- ben0x539 13y ago
  > I was hoping the plan would be to lose weight. That comment is really not particularly humorous (let alone insightful). Please try not to drag HN down to the level of discourse that the article is complaining about.
  - a3voices 13y ago
    It would actually have been a better plan though. What's interesting to me is that she doesn't seem to consider her weight to be the core problem. Her quality of life will remain lower because of her reluctance to lose it. The mean comments could have been a wake up call to her, like, "Hey, maybe I really do need to focus on losing weight."
    - epo 13y ago
      Stop digging. Who said her weight was a "core problem"? Seems to be just people like, erm, you.
    - ben0x539 13y ago
      But maybe she doesn't really need to focus on losing weight? Maybe as someone who actually knows something about her own life, she is in a position to decide that there is other things with a higher return of investment that she can focus on, especially given her medical situation (which we are almost entirely ignorant of)? Meeting arbitrary beauty standards to be perfectly attractive to the worst of internet commenters isn't and shouldn't be everybody's first and only priority.
      - a3voices 13y ago
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Preventable_causes_of_death.png http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Preventable_causes_of_deat... It seems pretty important to me.
xzcvczx 13y ago
the thing i find surprising here is that the DMCA (assuming anyway) act is being used for blatant censorship, aka she wants her photo off the internet not because of its artistic qualities but because she doesn't like it being on the internet, And while the internet can be rude and obnoxious if she is not careful she has a good chance of doing a streisand by trying to censor the internet using the DMCA which is the wrong tool for the job
- Ilmesnkie_Jones 13y ago
  The DMCA doesn't care WHY you want to have your work removed from the internet all it cares about is that she owns the copyright in the work.
- ben0x539 13y ago
  Your issue is with copyright in general, not the DMCA process in particular, I assume? You kinda come off as more offended by her trying to get out of a shitty situation as best as possible than by the abuse she's receiving in the first place.
  - xzcvczx 13y ago
    I am not offended at all by her trying to get out of the shitty situation, and she has my sympathies for the situation she found herself in, however after seeing a fair few instances of the DMCA being used in the past for censorship as opposed to "protecting copyright" (and yes i realise she owns the copyright on the photo, so technically it can be considered protecting copyright) where it has turned into a streisand effect. including people replicating the hosting of the image/video/media in thousands of places to rebel against the censorship of the internet, based on a law from a single country
- icebraining 13y ago
  If artistic merits were required for the DMCA to have effect, labels would be fucked.
  - xzcvczx 13y ago
djmollusk 13y ago
Always better to embrace it instead of fighting it or letting it make you feel bad.
jader201 13y ago
I thought one of the more interesting points, at least in the context of HN, was that the Facebook users didn't even know she could read her posts. Not that I feel sorry for them, just that so many people use Facebook all the time and have no idea how simple things like this really work and who is able to see their content. How much is posted on Facebook in the view of the public that wasn't intended for the public?
joetech 13y ago
The internet becomes much more tolerable when you learn to tune out the trolls who find their only happiness in trying to bring down others.
exo_duz 13y ago
Rather than use the criticism to put you down and make you depressed. Use it as a motivation to drive you to achieve what your goals. Saying that though, if you are happy with yourself the way you are. And you are healthy. Then why do you care what faceless people on the Internet think of you? The Internet is full of hateful, little people who hide behind the facade that just because they are online they can be whoever they like. I've been through all this before and I would never let it get me down. Instead I used it to drive me harder to achieve my goals. You are beautiful, keep thinking that and don't let these people get you down!!!
peterwwillis 13y ago
The Internet is a town square. You, sitting at home with your friends, might happen across an amusing picture and chuckle at it. Maybe even take some joy at some else's pain - we all do that occasionally, it's fairly human. While it's not a good thing to do all the time, you can enjoy yourself and your friends in privacy. Maybe even poke some good-natured fun. But those comments should remain in your living room. If you saw this person in the middle of the town square, and pointed and laughed at them - that's an incredibly, stupendously dick thing to do. It not only is insulting and mean, it encourages others to do the same thing. Real people get hurt. Children commit suicide every year due to online bullying, and adults too. The emotional scars that don't kill will still hurt for years. Don't be the biggest douchebag in the world, and keep your comments to your living room - and to yourself.
dccoolgai 13y ago
This seems totally related to startups and technology in a concrete way... I can't imagine where else on the internet I would be able to see a story like this... We should try to upvote more "human interest" stories like this to block out the noise of boring stuff like Pythonscript people try to get on the FP sometimes ... <3HN!!!
jere 13y ago
My favorite part about this thread is people who have abundant energy, high metabolisms, perfect health, who once gained a couple pounds after being exceptionally lazy and indulgent, lost it with no effort, and now think everyone who is overweight is constantly stuffing their face and deserve their plight. Protip: you have no fucking clue what this woman's moment to moment life is like.
drjesusphd 13y ago
I think it's awesome that you're facing this head on, putting yourself out there even more, just to make people aware of a growing problem. Kudos!
shawkinaw 13y ago
Never read the comments.
kaitai 13y ago
It is sadly typical that this comment thread is full of discussions of how the protagonist should lose weight. Thanks for reminding me, HN, how fat women do not automatically deserve basic politeness [1]. I could be a skinnier person myself by counting calories and sprinting along with my Olympic lifting and kettlebell workouts. I know that my effort could be rewarded with a svelter frame. But you know what? I HAVE MORE INTERESTING THINGS TO DO! Maybe the protagonist, too, has something better or more fun to do with her life. [1] A small sampling of evidence: Uberphallus living up to name: "At this point I just don't understand why I should feel pity and display consideration to fat people..." Driverdan: "I would also add that people who don't have a medical condition and who overeat cause the stigma people with medical conditions receive for being overweight." (Being fat causes stigma why?) Marknutter: "I feel for her and the negative comments are reprehensible, but what I hear in this particular paragraph are excuses....My advice: ignore the haters and come up with a game plan with your doctor to lose the weight in a steady and health way." (re: OP's paragraph on having PCOS, being healthy.) Alright. Time to do those more interesting things.
- marknutter 13y ago
  > Maybe the protagonist, too, has something better or more fun to do with her life. I think the article would have had more impact if that was the reason she gave for her weight, rather than citing her medical issues. Instead, citing her medical issues seems to say that she is interested in losing weight, but sees those as insurmountable obstacles, and I was questioning their insurmountability. Apparently encouraging people to overcome difficult obstacles is considered offensive.
  - kaitai 13y ago
    I debated about including the quote from your content. It was not obviously offensive, unlike some others. It did assume that she was interested in losing weight, as you say above, which may or may not be true. Why do we give excuses, after all? Because we don't really want to do stuff :) It's true that I'm happier now that I can usually just say I don't care or would rather do something else instead of making excuses. It's also true that a fat person saying they don't really care about losing weight is looked at like a two-headed guinea pig.
badman_ting 13y ago
The only thing I have to contribute is that I've noticed that making fun of people is often assumed to have a hateful undercurrent that isn't necessarily there. I mean, the two often go hand in hand, I'm not denying that, but it's really not necessary to hate someone or have contempt for them in order to find their appearance humorous. I feel like that assumption is a little bit too automatic, on both sides. And if you are chiding others for their cruelty, do you not ever laugh at the appearance of another? Really, never? We are all human, and it would be good for each side of this issue to come to understand the other a bit better. "Why do you think that's funny?" is a good question for someone who laughs at fat people out of hatred and self-superiority. For someone who is just laughing, though, there is no answer. The effect of explaining a joke is well-understood.
geldedus 13y ago
she asked for it :)
lnanek2 13y ago
I've been fat before. Used to eat a whole box of chocolate kudos bars a day as a kid. I don't think it's particularly odd to get made fun of for it. I got to eat the boxes of chocolates after all, it was a trade off. Other people worked harder and cared more about their health and are welcome to their opinions and the benefits of their work. Seems to be kind of shirking responsibility to say no one can criticize you for it. Even if you have health conditions you still have to put enough calories in your mouth to get that large and that is your decision. I think she is kind of hurting herself by wasting so much time issuing take down orders and contacting comment authors. It didn't matter what they said, but using up your time to fight them, that actually is a big negative to you, you could be out spending that time enjoying yourself.
kazagistar 13y ago
I remember I was in middle school when I first realized that "funniest home videos" was actually quite distasteful. There were people being hurt; why is there an entire TV show about laughing at them? The joy of /r/cringe and the like is simply lost on me now.

165 points by venti 13y ago

Ivan_Raikov 13y ago

fridge raider. That was good

SeanDav 13y ago
>fridge raider. That was good I can hear the whoooosh as that article went straight over your head. I think you need to take a step back and do a little introspection. Also that type of comment does not belong here on HN News.
- brazzy 13y ago
  Nope, it actually is funny. The subject herself thought so - seems like that part of the article went straight over your head. I do not think it makes the world better when you obsessively avoid saying anything that might possibly offend someone, let alone try to police everyone else.
  - smtddr 13y ago
    Tell me something, where do you draw the line? Do you think it's okay to make offensive jokes online? In the workplace? Just with close friends? What, if any, kind of offensive jokes are too offensive? Jokes about being overweight? sexist? racist? Or is having to think about any of this too much trouble; your definition of "obsessively avoiding". Maybe you don't bother at all drawing a line? Perhaps You just say what you feel like to appeal to your/friends' sense of humor?
    - mehwoot 13y ago
      Funny enough, I wasn’t even angry at first. I was actually kind of amused. Who doesn’t laugh at unfortunate shots of poorly dressed strangers? I’ve certainly done it before; the Internet runs on this kind of anonymous scorn. If you read the article, she was more unhappy about the extremely negative comments from people, not the original picture and joke.
    - danielweber 13y ago
      Everyone draws the line in their own place. I think some people will draw the line too far one way, I think some people will draw the line too far the other way, and other people will think the same thing (both ways) about the place I draw the line. The fact that one cannot come up with a universal rule that always works in all circumstances doesn't mean no one is allowed personal judgment.
    - brazzy 13y ago
      I draw the line where a joke or statement would be recognized by a third-party observer as hateful and/or intended to hurt someone. You know, like the comments that Ms. Seida actually said "took my heart with it". And yes, that's not an objective binary distinction, because that is not possible when you're dealing with language and feelings. My point is that it's not the topic that makes a joke offensive. You can have jokes about sex and race without them being sexist or racist. That enough thought for you? Or do you prefer not to actually think about this and just wallow in self-righteousness and assume that anyone who disagrees with you must not be thinking?
    - arnarbi 13y ago
      The line seems rather clear. "Haha, you're fat" phrased in a witty way isn't too bad, and can be amusing even to the "victim" if they have a healthy self-image. But "you should do everyone a favor and kill yourself", or "do the right thing and don't share such pictures of yourself" are hateful comments that have nothing to do with wit. Digging deeper, personal offensive jokes are acceptable when then joker knows the target well enough to know that it won't be taken as an actual offense. That's what makes them risky e.g. in workplaces where people don't know each other as well. But on the internet, such jokes are not personal to begin with. You could replace the OP's picture with a photograph of any other overweight person and it wouldn't make a difference. It's only for people that recognize the person (including themselves) that the joke takes on a whole different meaning. As such, I don't have a huge problem with these jokes. The hateful comments are a different story, but I find that it helps to remember that they are written by children and other people who simply lack the development of empathy, and should neither be taken seriously nor held completely responsible. They just don't understand, just as a toddler wouldn't understand the repercussions of firing a gun.
      - king_jester 13y ago
        > The line seems rather clear. "Haha, you're fat" phrased in a witty way isn't too bad, and can be amusing even to the "victim" if they have a healthy self-image. Are you serious? Fat people have a tremendously difficult time with being ridiculed for even existing, so no this joke was not acceptable. > But "you should do everyone a favor and kill yourself", or "do the right thing and don't share such pictures of yourself" are hateful comments that have nothing to do with wit. This joke and fat hatred go hand in hand. There are not separate entities, they are a part of the same continuum that made the joke a reality: fat people are lazy and have no impulse control and deserve ridicule. > Digging deeper, personal offensive jokes are acceptable when then joker knows the target well enough to know that it won't be taken as an actual offense. That's what makes them risky e.g. in workplaces where people don't know each other as well. But on the internet, such jokes are not personal to begin with. > You could replace the OP's picture with a photograph of any other overweight person and it wouldn't make a difference. It's only for people that recognize the person (including themselves) that the joke takes on a whole different meaning. As such, I don't have a huge problem with these jokes. The amount of shit fat people get from close friends about being fat is just as bad as a society from a whole, so why exactly would it be OK if it was just someone you knew personally hating you vs. a stranger on the internet? > The hateful comments are a different story, but I find that it helps to remember that they are written by children and other people who simply lack the development of empathy, and should neither be taken seriously nor held completely responsible. They just don't understand, just as a toddler wouldn't understand the repercussions of firing a gun. People are fully aware of what they post. Racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, fat hatred, etc. are the basis for many memes and the comments that go with them. There are not separate, they are a part of the same underlying thoughts and stereotypes that people actually believe in.
    - alan_cx 13y ago
      Given that offence it taken and not given, I think you'd best define "offensive" first. Then decide if you left any room for humor. IMHO, there is humor in weight, gender and race. The point is, is one trying to amuse or deliberately offend. Aside form this specific issue, I notice a huge cultural difference between the US and the UK in this. In the UK, we "take the piss". Its what we do. We sort of use it to equalise each other. In the US, it seems different. I am reminded of a situation a UK comedian found himself it. He's in the US, eating out with US friends. A man walks in with a awful wig on. UK bloke instinctively takes the piss out of him. The US lot are not happy. Apparently when a ridiculous looking person walks in people are supposed to be some how supportive of the attempt to better himself. In the UK, its cause for a lot of micky taking. Back to the case in point, even the subject is not objecting to the humor, she is objecting deliberately nasty comments specifically meant to be nasty. That has nothing what so ever to do with humor. The line? Well, IMHO, the line is intent. Is the comment meant to be funny or nasty. Lastly, have to ask, is obesity a specific US sensitivity? Seems from my POV that there is a hell of a lot of excuse making for obesity in the US that does not happen else where. Any suggestion that its the persons own doing, eating badly and not exercising, is stamped on like its some sort of heresy. Where as here its pretty much the accepted reason.
      - bestdayever 13y ago
        >Lastly, have to ask, is obesity a specific US sensitivity? Seems from my POV that there is a hell of a lot of excuse making for obesity in the US that does not happen else where. Any suggestion that its the persons own doing, eating badly and not exercising, is stamped on like its some sort of heresy. Where as here its pretty much the accepted reason. Well there are a lot of obese people here. They even get handicap placards at this point, its recognized as a disease etc. They're 1 step short of becoming a protected group.
    - lmm 13y ago
      > Perhaps You just say what you feel like to appeal to your/friends' sense of humor? Isn't that what everyone does? If a joke is too cruel or personal then it won't be funny; I trust my friends' judgement enough that I don't think stupid stereotypes would amuse them. "Offensive" is a red herring, like "unprofessional" - it's what people say when they can't come up with a real reason for why what you said was wrong.
    - PeterisP 13y ago
      It's quite clear that a whole class of humor is offensive but is still funny. And no, there shouldn't be any lines drawn - there are jokes that is both funny and also obscenely offensive to various races, religions, nations or ethical viewpoints; but there is no such thing as too offensive, even if they are about, for example, the funny habits of babyraping [$ethnic] priests of [$religion]. There definitely are (a lot of) jokes that are inappropriate to a particular situation and impolite to a particular audience, where it would be hurtful and/or incite conflict - but all of them are suitable in other situations and audiences.
    - debacle 13y ago
      Given that the holocaust has been fair game for humor for close to 50 years, as far as I can recall, I think it's allowable to make a joke about pretty much everything. Something can be funny and also in poor taste.
- alan_cx 13y ago
  Perhaps you need to take a step back and realise that making a joke does not mean misunderstanding an issue. I for one certainly found it amusingly ironic that in an article supposed to be sympathetic to a fat girl had an "Enlarge" button on the picture. Not to mention that the article it's self in fact propagates the image even more. Also, are you really saying humor has no place on HN? I see nothing in the FAQ about banning humor.
  - kaoD 13y ago
    There's nothing in the FAQ but... do you often see funny comments? Neither do I. Have fun in Hacker News and prepare to be downvoted.
  - taybin 13y ago
    The lack of humor on HN is the worst thing about it, IMHO. Of course that sort of cultural value won't be in the FAQ.
    - icebraining 13y ago
      Paraphrasing Steven King, HN accepts humor. It just isn't promiscuous about the humor it accepts.
- spuz 13y ago
  The joke is fine, the problem is the people turning a joke into an opportunity to be hateful.
- oftenwrong 13y ago
  HN News -> Hacker News News

GeorgeOrr 13y ago

"Why do you think that's funny" I loved that. A simple way to remind someone to treat other humans like humans. Thanks for that idea.

smoyer 13y ago
So true ... the fact that she can laugh at herself is a very useful skill but what I'm interested in is how the mob mentality allows someone to go from "Fridge Raider" (which I thought was funny ... and I'm no toothpick myself) to "That heifer should be put down". There's not a shred of humor in that, nor is there even a shred of humanity in it.
mcv 13y ago
It works in other situations too. If someone makes a racist or sexist joke, ask them to explain, because you don't get it.

pmelendez 13y ago

I admire her strong character. Most people on that situation would stay still and regret about their selves, but she actually did something about it. That's great. Other thing I got from the article is the reminder that I am doing it well in not uploading pictures to Facebook anymore.

coldpie 13y ago
Yeah. I'm not strong enough to take this kind of abuse, I know it, and I take steps to shield myself from it. I've never posted photos of myself online, and I actively ask my friends not to as well. They've all taken it well and done as I asked. I think it helps having grown up on the Internet back before it had "safe" places. If you think of everything posted on the Internet as public (because it is), it really changes how you interact with it.

Cthulhu_ 13y ago

(this comment got a bit long. tl;dr, the internet is full of insensitive pricks that don't get confronted with their own behaviour) A large percentage of the internet populace is running on autopilot: browse hundreds of random images a day for quick fixes of entertainment, and post the odd impulsive, thoughtless and, most importantly, internet-badassity-enhancing comment. It's much more common to be scathing and hurtful on the internet, simply because there is less of, or none of, a 'society filter' out there. If one were to stand on a soapbox in public and make the kind of remarks people make unashamedly and unfilteredly on the internet, they wouldn't be standing there for long and would in all likelihood get called out on their behavior. Not (directly) so on the internet. I can identify two major reasons for that: One, peer groups. Internet douchebags is a major internet peer group, who will e-high-five each other for remarks outlined in the article. Two: Nobody cares. Scathing remarks are made by anonymous people all over the internet, so a lot of people have been desensitised or simply feel powerless, on behalf of not actually knowing the person making the remarks. The difference for that last point lies in community. A lot of these image sharing sites have a loosely-tied, unloyal random userbase, where most commenters will not or never know or recognise each other from other 'threads'. This in contrast to, say, HN, where people can gain fame and notoriety over time. In the latter category, where comments and the overall mood is much less random and much more focussed at a certain audience, scathing and offensive and plain dumb comments (which is about 99% of youtube comments, for example) will not only be (anonymously, disconnecedly) downvoted, but outright confronted, countered, and the people behind them approached and have their unwanted behaviour pointed out to them. [faux-psychologist]Freud assigned people's behavior as a result of the id, ego, and super-ego; on the internet, shielded by anonymity and a high abstraction and reduction of communication to quickly typed, short messages, the super-ego has little power in the big, anonymous communities; there is little to no society that tells people "No, this behavior is unwanted". This in turn dulls the ego (one's rational mind, conscience, etc), allowing the id (the impulsive mind that screams LOL FAT PEOPLE KILL UR SELF LOL) to write a similar blurb onto the internet. Communities like HN have a much stronger super-ego, and unwanted behavior is put down. When the poster approached the commenters, she acted as the super-ego, and the commenters suddenly snapped out of their autopilot, impulsive state of mind, having their conscience suddenly kick in when they realised there was a living person with real feelings behind the 2D image of a random woman dressing up as a character with a different physique.[/faux-psychologist]

donquichotte 13y ago

This is a classic example of open-loop behaviour. People behave like assholes, but don't get the feedback they would be getting in real life. It's like the restaurant in tourist areas. Bad meals? Unfriendly staff? No problem - the customers won't be back, no matter whether the service is good or bad. They are tourists and will go home tomorrow. There's no tit for tat, no negative feedback. This doesn't work in engineering, and it doesn't work in human interaction either.

makomk 13y ago
Not really. In at least some of the internet communities that do this kind of thing, there is actually pressure to conform to the community's norms - it's just that the norms are fucked. For instance, anyone who stands up for the woman in a picture like this will get called all sorts of insults in order to pressure them to back down.
- danielweber 13y ago
  Goes to show that peer pressure can be used for both good and for ill.

ce4 13y ago

Relevant posting from 2 weeks ago about a similar case (anti hipster): https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6412708 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6412708

kubiiii 13y ago
I wanted to point that either. In both cases the bullies behaviour changed the minute they realized it was a photograph of an actual human being who could feel pain from their comments.

ck2 13y ago

So you are saying a service designed for the lowest common denominator suffers from the lowest common denominator abusing it? Why do people have facebook accounts, seriously?

ben0x539 13y ago
Is this some tragedy of the commons thing? Individuals have to have facebook accounts or they'd be socially isolated because everybody else has facebook accounts they hate too? And it's not worth it to the individual user to cut themselves off?
TeMPOraL 13y ago
Because it's an extremely good, extremely efficient communication tool for keeping in touch with people you know. Much better than everything else there is so far.
- chez17 13y ago
  I don't have a facebook profile and I keep in touch with people with the exciting new technologies of email and telephone. Amazing what actually talking to people does.
  - alex_c 13y ago
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/ http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mention...
  - TeMPOraL 13y ago
    I also use the exciting technologies of email and telephone, and talk to people. On top of that, I use Facebook to keep in touch with the remaining 90% of people I have weaker ties to, but once every half a year or sth. want to do some stuff together. One big value of Facebook is that it's a push system, not pull (and we know that push > pull). I can stay current with the life of hundreds of people I know without having to think much about it or check it manually. It scales better than e-mail/phone and allows different new ways to interact with people. And there's no reason not to use e-mail and phone along with using Facebook.

enscr 13y ago

I often find that physical problems that have to do with appearance rather than functionality of a human being are often ridiculed at. The ones making fun never realize that they are taking a potshot at something that you often have no control over. Some are sensitive to realize it while others aren't. I have friends that fall in both categories. Unless you know the problem, you tend to take it in a light and often mean spirited way. I'd say that you work towards keeping your spirits high and learn to forgive the ones who are making fun. Most of them are ignorant, not malicious. I applaud your attitude of taking the issue head-on. For my case, I've trained myself to forget such shortcomings with myself and most often I don't realize that they exist.

deleted 13y ago

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andyhmltn 13y ago
You are aware that a disease such as the one listed can affect body weight and some people genuinely cannot lose it? The same way that some anorexics physically can't gain weight because their body won't allow it. If you're not trolling (which it looks like you are) then you are incredibly ignorant and need to poke your head out there a bit and do some research :)
- deleted 13y ago
  [deleted]
  - brazzy 13y ago
    Then you are ignorant.
- ciaranm 13y ago
  While the parent certainly didn't approach it in a polite way; they have a point in terms of the last comment at least. A quick search online associates PCOS with increased risk of type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol and blood pressure, stroke, infertility, fatty liver disease amongst other things. Hardly seems like something a doctor would assure someone was of no consequence to their overall health. So while saying 'you should work harder' isn't nice; the post shouldn't be disregarded.
  - chris_wot 13y ago
    > Hardly seems like something a doctor would assure someone was of no consequence to their overall health. The article doesn't say the doctor did. Reread it again, it says: I don’t generally view my body size as positive or negative — it simply is. I eat right (most of the time) and I exercise (an inordinate amount), but it does little, thanks to a struggle with polycystic ovarian syndrome and a failing thyroid gland. I’m strong, I’m flexible and my doctor assures me my health is good, but the fact remains: I’m larger than someone my height should be. Sounds to me like she already knows, is getting on with her life, and is making good, healthy choices.

marknutter 13y ago

> I don’t generally view my body size as positive or negative — it simply is. I eat right (most of the time) and I exercise (an inordinate amount), but it does little, thanks to a struggle with polycystic ovarian syndrome and a failing thyroid gland. I’m strong, I’m flexible and my doctor assures me my health is good, but the fact remains: I’m larger than someone my height should be. I feel for her and the negative comments are reprehensible, but what I hear in this particular paragraph are excuses. Having issues with POS and the thyroid gland do not make it impossible to lose weight, just more difficult. My advice: ignore the haters and come up with a game plan with your doctor to lose the weight in a steady and health way.

informatimago 13y ago
Why? Really. Most people only have one day or two of food at home. In cities, stores have two days of stock at most. The federal government shut down. If anything else happens, God forbids, that breaks down the provisioning circuits, panic will soon ensue, and for city dwellers, only 2 days before they start dying from thirst, and 42 days until they die of hunger. Now, I'd like to see all those lean people, how they'll fare after one week. If us the fat people can hide for a week and avoid being eaten by them, then the world will be ours!
- chris_wot 13y ago
  Way to miss the point. Bravo.
  - robmcm 13y ago
    Way to miss the sarcasm.
    - chris_wot 13y ago
      Actually, that appeared to be a joke, not sarcasm. Which doesn't make the comment any less insensitive.
13y ago

ye 13y ago

> shaming me for having the audacity to go in public dressed as a sexy video game character I don't think she gets it. If you're ashamed of how you look, maybe the internet is not the problem.

ben0x539 13y ago
Being shamed for something is not the same thing as nor implies a necessity of being ashamed of something.
- xerophtye 13y ago
  to elaborate on this excellent (though rather confusing) wording, I think you really don't get it. She didn't mean that they made her ashamed of the act, but that they were being hostile to her by saying stuff like "how DARE she dress up as a sexy video game character!! How dare she have FUN!!" get it?
ianstallings 13y ago
I don't think you get it. Life I mean. The Internet is not your personal zoo.

kartikkumar 13y ago

Who really cares what other people think about you, especially strangers that have no importance in your life? Haters are to be hated, but more than that I honestly think that life is too short to worry about what some random dumbass has to say about you. They're quite simply a waste of time and energy. With that said, feel free to hate on me for this post ... cause I won't care ...

ben0x539 13y ago
This kind of abuse affects different people very differently, and over a long time makes it really, really hard to keep up that "life is too short to worry about it" attitude. While the OP seems to be dealing well, don't underestimate how badly that sort of thing can drag you down and eg. sap all creative energy out of you.

a3voices 13y ago

> She reminded me that I was beautiful, and told me I would get through this. And then, like any kick-ass heroines, we came up with a plan. I was hoping the plan would be to lose weight.

ben0x539 13y ago
> I was hoping the plan would be to lose weight. That comment is really not particularly humorous (let alone insightful). Please try not to drag HN down to the level of discourse that the article is complaining about.
- a3voices 13y ago
  It would actually have been a better plan though. What's interesting to me is that she doesn't seem to consider her weight to be the core problem. Her quality of life will remain lower because of her reluctance to lose it. The mean comments could have been a wake up call to her, like, "Hey, maybe I really do need to focus on losing weight."
  - epo 13y ago
    Stop digging. Who said her weight was a "core problem"? Seems to be just people like, erm, you.
  - ben0x539 13y ago
    But maybe she doesn't really need to focus on losing weight? Maybe as someone who actually knows something about her own life, she is in a position to decide that there is other things with a higher return of investment that she can focus on, especially given her medical situation (which we are almost entirely ignorant of)? Meeting arbitrary beauty standards to be perfectly attractive to the worst of internet commenters isn't and shouldn't be everybody's first and only priority.
    - a3voices 13y ago
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Preventable_causes_of_death.png http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Preventable_causes_of_deat... It seems pretty important to me.

xzcvczx 13y ago

the thing i find surprising here is that the DMCA (assuming anyway) act is being used for blatant censorship, aka she wants her photo off the internet not because of its artistic qualities but because she doesn't like it being on the internet, And while the internet can be rude and obnoxious if she is not careful she has a good chance of doing a streisand by trying to censor the internet using the DMCA which is the wrong tool for the job

Ilmesnkie_Jones 13y ago
The DMCA doesn't care WHY you want to have your work removed from the internet all it cares about is that she owns the copyright in the work.
ben0x539 13y ago
Your issue is with copyright in general, not the DMCA process in particular, I assume? You kinda come off as more offended by her trying to get out of a shitty situation as best as possible than by the abuse she's receiving in the first place.
- xzcvczx 13y ago
  I am not offended at all by her trying to get out of the shitty situation, and she has my sympathies for the situation she found herself in, however after seeing a fair few instances of the DMCA being used in the past for censorship as opposed to "protecting copyright" (and yes i realise she owns the copyright on the photo, so technically it can be considered protecting copyright) where it has turned into a streisand effect. including people replicating the hosting of the image/video/media in thousands of places to rebel against the censorship of the internet, based on a law from a single country
icebraining 13y ago
If artistic merits were required for the DMCA to have effect, labels would be fucked.
- xzcvczx 13y ago

djmollusk 13y ago

Always better to embrace it instead of fighting it or letting it make you feel bad.

jader201 13y ago

I thought one of the more interesting points, at least in the context of HN, was that the Facebook users didn't even know she could read her posts. Not that I feel sorry for them, just that so many people use Facebook all the time and have no idea how simple things like this really work and who is able to see their content. How much is posted on Facebook in the view of the public that wasn't intended for the public?

joetech 13y ago

The internet becomes much more tolerable when you learn to tune out the trolls who find their only happiness in trying to bring down others.

exo_duz 13y ago

Rather than use the criticism to put you down and make you depressed. Use it as a motivation to drive you to achieve what your goals. Saying that though, if you are happy with yourself the way you are. And you are healthy. Then why do you care what faceless people on the Internet think of you? The Internet is full of hateful, little people who hide behind the facade that just because they are online they can be whoever they like. I've been through all this before and I would never let it get me down. Instead I used it to drive me harder to achieve my goals. You are beautiful, keep thinking that and don't let these people get you down!!!

peterwwillis 13y ago

The Internet is a town square. You, sitting at home with your friends, might happen across an amusing picture and chuckle at it. Maybe even take some joy at some else's pain - we all do that occasionally, it's fairly human. While it's not a good thing to do all the time, you can enjoy yourself and your friends in privacy. Maybe even poke some good-natured fun. But those comments should remain in your living room. If you saw this person in the middle of the town square, and pointed and laughed at them - that's an incredibly, stupendously dick thing to do. It not only is insulting and mean, it encourages others to do the same thing. Real people get hurt. Children commit suicide every year due to online bullying, and adults too. The emotional scars that don't kill will still hurt for years. Don't be the biggest douchebag in the world, and keep your comments to your living room - and to yourself.

dccoolgai 13y ago

This seems totally related to startups and technology in a concrete way... I can't imagine where else on the internet I would be able to see a story like this... We should try to upvote more "human interest" stories like this to block out the noise of boring stuff like Pythonscript people try to get on the FP sometimes ... <3HN!!!

jere 13y ago

My favorite part about this thread is people who have abundant energy, high metabolisms, perfect health, who once gained a couple pounds after being exceptionally lazy and indulgent, lost it with no effort, and now think everyone who is overweight is constantly stuffing their face and deserve their plight. Protip: you have no fucking clue what this woman's moment to moment life is like.

drjesusphd 13y ago

I think it's awesome that you're facing this head on, putting yourself out there even more, just to make people aware of a growing problem. Kudos!

shawkinaw 13y ago

Never read the comments.

kaitai 13y ago

It is sadly typical that this comment thread is full of discussions of how the protagonist should lose weight. Thanks for reminding me, HN, how fat women do not automatically deserve basic politeness [1]. I could be a skinnier person myself by counting calories and sprinting along with my Olympic lifting and kettlebell workouts. I know that my effort could be rewarded with a svelter frame. But you know what? I HAVE MORE INTERESTING THINGS TO DO! Maybe the protagonist, too, has something better or more fun to do with her life. [1] A small sampling of evidence: Uberphallus living up to name: "At this point I just don't understand why I should feel pity and display consideration to fat people..." Driverdan: "I would also add that people who don't have a medical condition and who overeat cause the stigma people with medical conditions receive for being overweight." (Being fat causes stigma why?) Marknutter: "I feel for her and the negative comments are reprehensible, but what I hear in this particular paragraph are excuses....My advice: ignore the haters and come up with a game plan with your doctor to lose the weight in a steady and health way." (re: OP's paragraph on having PCOS, being healthy.) Alright. Time to do those more interesting things.

marknutter 13y ago
> Maybe the protagonist, too, has something better or more fun to do with her life. I think the article would have had more impact if that was the reason she gave for her weight, rather than citing her medical issues. Instead, citing her medical issues seems to say that she is interested in losing weight, but sees those as insurmountable obstacles, and I was questioning their insurmountability. Apparently encouraging people to overcome difficult obstacles is considered offensive.
- kaitai 13y ago
  I debated about including the quote from your content. It was not obviously offensive, unlike some others. It did assume that she was interested in losing weight, as you say above, which may or may not be true. Why do we give excuses, after all? Because we don't really want to do stuff :) It's true that I'm happier now that I can usually just say I don't care or would rather do something else instead of making excuses. It's also true that a fat person saying they don't really care about losing weight is looked at like a two-headed guinea pig.

badman_ting 13y ago

The only thing I have to contribute is that I've noticed that making fun of people is often assumed to have a hateful undercurrent that isn't necessarily there. I mean, the two often go hand in hand, I'm not denying that, but it's really not necessary to hate someone or have contempt for them in order to find their appearance humorous. I feel like that assumption is a little bit too automatic, on both sides. And if you are chiding others for their cruelty, do you not ever laugh at the appearance of another? Really, never? We are all human, and it would be good for each side of this issue to come to understand the other a bit better. "Why do you think that's funny?" is a good question for someone who laughs at fat people out of hatred and self-superiority. For someone who is just laughing, though, there is no answer. The effect of explaining a joke is well-understood.

geldedus 13y ago

she asked for it :)

lnanek2 13y ago

I've been fat before. Used to eat a whole box of chocolate kudos bars a day as a kid. I don't think it's particularly odd to get made fun of for it. I got to eat the boxes of chocolates after all, it was a trade off. Other people worked harder and cared more about their health and are welcome to their opinions and the benefits of their work. Seems to be kind of shirking responsibility to say no one can criticize you for it. Even if you have health conditions you still have to put enough calories in your mouth to get that large and that is your decision. I think she is kind of hurting herself by wasting so much time issuing take down orders and contacting comment authors. It didn't matter what they said, but using up your time to fight them, that actually is a big negative to you, you could be out spending that time enjoying yourself.

kazagistar 13y ago

I remember I was in middle school when I first realized that "funniest home videos" was actually quite distasteful. There were people being hurt; why is there an entire TV show about laughing at them? The joy of /r/cringe and the like is simply lost on me now.