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Ask HN: If you want to send a programmer over the edge...

6 points by a5seo 13y ago

What are some sure-fire ways to send a programmer over the edge? Either specific or general.

noonespecial 13y ago
From my time as a government contractor: show a programmer a problem that causes significant waste, that he knows exactly how to fix and then forbid him from fixing it for nebulous political reasons.
- mikegagnon 13y ago
  When I worked over in the DoD world, waste used to send me over the edge. Find zen by realizing that the political reasons for waste are not nebulous; the whole Pentagon system is designed to stimulate the US economy (through spending). Spending money is the point. Politically, this waste is generally supported by legislators and their constituents. Which is why the B-2 bomber was built in 46 states. See: * Pork Barrels http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pork_barrel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pork_barrel * Spinney's "Defense Power Games" http://www.dnipogo.org/fcs/def_power_games_98.htm http://www.dnipogo.org/fcs/def_power_games_98.htm * Chomsky's "The Pentagon System" http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Chomsky/PentagonSystem_Chom.html http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Chomsky/PentagonSystem_Cho...
frou_dh 13y ago
Withold admin rights on their work computer.
codeonfire 13y ago
Require a complex scrum planning process, approval from designers, principal reviews, extensive project financial analysis. Then on day one of the sprint, scrap all that for your personal pet project that has high VP visibility with no justification.
slinkyavenger 13y ago
Force them to remote into a slow machine on a slow network connection running Windows 98 Constantly change the requirements for a project. Insist that they stop work on project A to work on B, C, D, then ask why they haven't made good progress on A.
jcla1 13y ago
Use windows.
- jacalata 13y ago
  Not a very general answer, many programmers use Windows. More generally applicable answer: hire programmers for a work environment on one OS. Announce one day that the company is switching to $newOS and all developer machines need to run $newOS as of next week. For bonus points, say that tools, etc, that are not available on the new platform will be worked out as they come up (and probably have no budget for replacing them).
  - deleted 13y ago
    [deleted]
    - jacalata 13y ago
      (I appreciate it, but you should probably just use the vote up mechanism instead of adding a '+1' comment)
      - csense 13y ago
        Grandparent is deleted, but maybe on-topic: Making a whole post to say "+1" on a website that has built-in upvoting functionality probably sends a few people over the edge.
- joezydeco 13y ago
  Meh. Virtualbox/VMware is a great detour around that now.
  - jcla1 13y ago
    Still doesn't feel the same as running Linux on bar metal and also not accepted in every company.
jcla1 13y ago
Keep them away from HN over a longer period of time.
jcla1 13y ago
Don't pull their pull request when they've put a lot of work into them.
- Smudge 13y ago
  To be fair, often when this happens it's due to a lack of communication on the programmer's part. Giant pull requests out of nowhere (even well-crafted ones) may not always be what the project maintainers want or need. This is why it's useful to discuss (non-trivial) fixes or design ideas before attempting to implement them.
joezydeco 13y ago
Schedule meetings every 2 hours, just so that the programmer never gets any flow going. Then ask in the meetings why there isn't any progress.
- orangethirty 13y ago
  Better yet: Call every two hours (sometimes less), and try to get the programmer to fix a very small issue you are having. Then bitch about the code not being done. Oh, and have the programmer admin the servers. Server goes down? ick between getting shit about the server or shit about the code. Thx Zeus I'm not there any more.
  - joezydeco 13y ago
    Oh, server admin. That's a good one. After all, how hard can that be? You set it up and it just runs, right?
jacalata 13y ago
Find out when they come in to work every day. Schedule a daily recurring meeting an hour or 30 minutes before then. (also works if you schedule the meeting right after they normally leave).
dear 13y ago
Why do you want to do that?
ibudiallo 13y ago
Ask a programmer what makes him go over the edge and send him over the edge.
keenahn 13y ago
Remap 1 to l, O to 0 and vice versa (but only one out of three times)
codemonkeymike 13y ago
Only take on projects that involve modifying templates from obscure and obsolete CMS's.
Avalaxy 13y ago
Ask him to record everything he does ;)
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]

6 points by a5seo 13y ago

What are some sure-fire ways to send a programmer over the edge? Either specific or general.

From my time as a government contractor: show a programmer a problem that causes significant waste, that he knows exactly how to fix and then forbid him from fixing it for nebulous political reasons.

mikegagnon 13y ago
When I worked over in the DoD world, waste used to send me over the edge. Find zen by realizing that the political reasons for waste are not nebulous; the whole Pentagon system is designed to stimulate the US economy (through spending). Spending money is the point. Politically, this waste is generally supported by legislators and their constituents. Which is why the B-2 bomber was built in 46 states. See: * Pork Barrels http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pork_barrel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pork_barrel * Spinney's "Defense Power Games" http://www.dnipogo.org/fcs/def_power_games_98.htm http://www.dnipogo.org/fcs/def_power_games_98.htm * Chomsky's "The Pentagon System" http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Chomsky/PentagonSystem_Chom.html http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Chomsky/PentagonSystem_Cho...

frou_dh 13y ago

Withold admin rights on their work computer.

codeonfire 13y ago

Require a complex scrum planning process, approval from designers, principal reviews, extensive project financial analysis. Then on day one of the sprint, scrap all that for your personal pet project that has high VP visibility with no justification.

slinkyavenger 13y ago

Force them to remote into a slow machine on a slow network connection running Windows 98 Constantly change the requirements for a project. Insist that they stop work on project A to work on B, C, D, then ask why they haven't made good progress on A.

jcla1 13y ago

Use windows.

jacalata 13y ago
Not a very general answer, many programmers use Windows. More generally applicable answer: hire programmers for a work environment on one OS. Announce one day that the company is switching to $newOS and all developer machines need to run $newOS as of next week. For bonus points, say that tools, etc, that are not available on the new platform will be worked out as they come up (and probably have no budget for replacing them).
- deleted 13y ago
  [deleted]
  - jacalata 13y ago
    (I appreciate it, but you should probably just use the vote up mechanism instead of adding a '+1' comment)
    - csense 13y ago
      Grandparent is deleted, but maybe on-topic: Making a whole post to say "+1" on a website that has built-in upvoting functionality probably sends a few people over the edge.
joezydeco 13y ago
Meh. Virtualbox/VMware is a great detour around that now.
- jcla1 13y ago
  Still doesn't feel the same as running Linux on bar metal and also not accepted in every company.

jcla1 13y ago

Keep them away from HN over a longer period of time.

jcla1 13y ago

Don't pull their pull request when they've put a lot of work into them.

Smudge 13y ago
To be fair, often when this happens it's due to a lack of communication on the programmer's part. Giant pull requests out of nowhere (even well-crafted ones) may not always be what the project maintainers want or need. This is why it's useful to discuss (non-trivial) fixes or design ideas before attempting to implement them.

joezydeco 13y ago

Schedule meetings every 2 hours, just so that the programmer never gets any flow going. Then ask in the meetings why there isn't any progress.

orangethirty 13y ago
Better yet: Call every two hours (sometimes less), and try to get the programmer to fix a very small issue you are having. Then bitch about the code not being done. Oh, and have the programmer admin the servers. Server goes down? ick between getting shit about the server or shit about the code. Thx Zeus I'm not there any more.
- joezydeco 13y ago
  Oh, server admin. That's a good one. After all, how hard can that be? You set it up and it just runs, right?

jacalata 13y ago

Find out when they come in to work every day. Schedule a daily recurring meeting an hour or 30 minutes before then. (also works if you schedule the meeting right after they normally leave).

dear 13y ago

Why do you want to do that?

ibudiallo 13y ago

Ask a programmer what makes him go over the edge and send him over the edge.

keenahn 13y ago

Remap 1 to l, O to 0 and vice versa (but only one out of three times)

codemonkeymike 13y ago

Only take on projects that involve modifying templates from obscure and obsolete CMS's.

Avalaxy 13y ago

Ask him to record everything he does ;)

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]