4 ms·

I really think it's as simple as this: For an extrovert, being alone expends energy and socializing replenishes it. For an introvert, socializing expends ener

by kyllo 14y ago

I really think it's as simple as this: For an extrovert, being alone expends energy and socializing replenishes it. For an introvert, socializing expends energy and being alone replenishes it. It's not about social skills, or whether you enjoy the company of others. It's just that if socializing feels like it requires effort and makes you tired, you are probably an introvert. By this standard, I am most definitely an introvert. I like socializing, hanging out with friends, and going to parties, but they make me feel tired and I need time alone to "recharge" afterward. It's especially draining to meet new people. Among people I already know well, there's less "friction" so it uses up less of my social energy. I also think (anecdotally, I don't have any statistics to back this up) that introverts are the majority, while extroverts are a highly visible minority. They tend to connect people and provide "social glue."

visakanv 14y ago
I used to strongly define myself an extrovert because I can be loud, gregarious and I'm passionate about great conversations- but I also hate large crowds and large parties. I'm okay with meeting new people if it's a relatively small setting of 4-5 people. Otherwise it's usually a waste of time. Now I don't know how to define myself. I get energized by doing energizing activities and being around energizing people, and I get drained in the opposite. I used to play in a rock band and I enjoyed entertaining crowds- and that was simultaneously energizing and draining, in separate spheres. I suppose it can be useful initially to identify as one or the other, but as you really begin to feast on your life you start to realize that life is far too complex to be binary.
- sillysaurus 14y ago
  Now I don't know how to define myself. Perhaps you're a person, rather than a label.
  - droopyEyelids 14y ago
    I've read a lot of blog posts on introverts and a few on extroverts, but I've yet to hear of this 'person' thing. Seems kind of odd, you sure it's real?
  - aaron695 14y ago
    >Perhaps you're a person, rather than a label. Or maybe labels are ok until some singularity style computer can know exactly what each individual is and how to exactly optimise their happiness maybe the approximations labels give us make us better off. When used correctly they can allow us to better know ourselves and also be more understanding of those around us.
  - nollidge 14y ago
    I like to think of them as tags rather than labels: you can have more than one.
- vacri 14y ago
  You don't know how to define yourself because human psychology is more complex than a simple A/B choice like introvert/extrovert. Even something like gender, which you think would be cut-and-dried due to clear physiological differences, has complexities. Something as vague as 'how do I generally behave in the presence of others' doesn't stand a chance. Introvert and extrovert are fine as loose labels, but they're really not suitable to be used as actionable terms.
- jarofgreen 14y ago
  > Now I don't know how to define myself. From Susan Cain talk linked: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion#Ambiversion http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion#A... But while labels are handy as a shortcut to talk about or research something easily, at the end of the day everyone is different.
- INTPenis 14y ago
  Introvert and Extrovert are just two ends of a spectrum, most people are balanced in between these two ends.
ukapu 14y ago
>I like socializing, hanging out with friends, and going to parties, but they make me feel tired and I need time alone to "recharge" afterward. It's especially draining to meet new people. This sounds like a Forer statement to me, to be honest. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forer_effect http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forer_effect) Just about everyone needs time to relax by themselves sometimes. Wanting to be left alone once in a while doesn't make you an introvert.
- barbs 14y ago
  > Just about everyone needs time to relax by themselves sometimes. Wanting to be left alone once in a while doesn't make you an introvert. I think it's more of a spectrum than a binary thing. I agree, everyone needs to be alone sometimes, but I guess it differs on how much time they need to relax by themselves, and how much or how often they want to be left alone.
  - ukapu 14y ago
    You're right, it's definitely a spectrum. But I guess just generally speaking I find the whole introvert/extrovert dichotomy to be massively overblown.
- InclinedPlane 14y ago
  I think this is one of those cases where unless you personally know a lot of people who fall on different places on the scale and perhaps if you personally don't sit at one of the extremes then it can be harder to believe. While this sort of grouping is certainly a huge oversimplification it does hold a great deal of truth in my experience and observation. I personally am naturally introverted and the whole "alone time to recharge" thing has always been true for me. Even if I'm having the time of my life hanging out with my close friends it's still the case that once I get back home I will typically crave alone time, often even in preference to sleep even if it's super late at night. I also used to have a roommate who was a pretty classic extrovert and his behavior fit into the "recharge by interacting with people" model perfectly. There's certainly a lot more complexity to social interaction than just introversion and extroversion but to a first order approximation it is astoundingly accurate.
miles_matthias 14y ago
I agree with those definitions, especially after reading "Quiet". It's a book that I highly recommend to anyone that has to work with other people, especially people who manage other people.
8ig8 14y ago
Chris Coyier (CSS-Tricks) provided personal insight into this similar position last week. As an introvert, I've heard it before, but it is always helpful to be reminded that I'm not that unusual at all: http://the-pastry-box-project.net/chris-coyier/2013-april-3/ http://the-pastry-box-project.net/chris-coyier/2013-april-3/ > The truth about the difference between introverts and extroverts lies in how personal energy is used and gained. Introverts need a lot of recharging time to gain energy. Being out-and-about, especially in social situations, is draining. Alone time is the only way to get that energy back. For me, it’s a lot of alone time. Not sitting in a dark cave staring at the wall, but somewhere comfortable where I can do other activities I enjoy. Laying on a hotel bed catching up on the internet totally counts. At home cooking dinner totally counts. Even reading a book at a coffee shop counts.
ComputerGuru 14y ago
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4992301 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4992301 :)
chmike 14y ago
I was wondering if this energy drain could be caused by the need to compensate something. For instance if we would need to be more careful of what we say and relationships. For most of us walking is something natural and automatic. Imagine someone who would have to think and be attentive of every step he makes. This would be energy draining.
rockmeamedee 14y ago
I don't think so. I used to think I was a huge introvert. I'd stay quiet in social situations and being in groups exhausted me. But now I've started to make some deep friendships with people around me, and it's almost the other way. Sometimes I can be so drained from work that I want to call up some friends to hang out, and sometimes I get tired from hanging out and want to go solo for a bit. I think it's the same as the Night Owl vs Early Bird thing, where I don't think there is a real distinction either. I've experienced a complete shift from staying up until 1am to getting at 5am and now I don't think there's a real personality type associated with either schedule. I can do both fluidly, so I see it just as a lifestyle difference.
- jrgnsd 14y ago
  Anecdotal evidence, but I find that part of being an introvert is that you have fewer, but deeper, relationships. There might be research / articles to back this up. People are social beings, so both introverts and extroverts need friendships. The difference lies in the quantity and quality.

by kyllo 14y ago

visakanv 14y ago

I used to strongly define myself an extrovert because I can be loud, gregarious and I'm passionate about great conversations- but I also hate large crowds and large parties. I'm okay with meeting new people if it's a relatively small setting of 4-5 people. Otherwise it's usually a waste of time. Now I don't know how to define myself. I get energized by doing energizing activities and being around energizing people, and I get drained in the opposite. I used to play in a rock band and I enjoyed entertaining crowds- and that was simultaneously energizing and draining, in separate spheres. I suppose it can be useful initially to identify as one or the other, but as you really begin to feast on your life you start to realize that life is far too complex to be binary.

sillysaurus 14y ago
Now I don't know how to define myself. Perhaps you're a person, rather than a label.
- droopyEyelids 14y ago
  I've read a lot of blog posts on introverts and a few on extroverts, but I've yet to hear of this 'person' thing. Seems kind of odd, you sure it's real?
- aaron695 14y ago
  >Perhaps you're a person, rather than a label. Or maybe labels are ok until some singularity style computer can know exactly what each individual is and how to exactly optimise their happiness maybe the approximations labels give us make us better off. When used correctly they can allow us to better know ourselves and also be more understanding of those around us.
- nollidge 14y ago
  I like to think of them as tags rather than labels: you can have more than one.
vacri 14y ago
You don't know how to define yourself because human psychology is more complex than a simple A/B choice like introvert/extrovert. Even something like gender, which you think would be cut-and-dried due to clear physiological differences, has complexities. Something as vague as 'how do I generally behave in the presence of others' doesn't stand a chance. Introvert and extrovert are fine as loose labels, but they're really not suitable to be used as actionable terms.
jarofgreen 14y ago
> Now I don't know how to define myself. From Susan Cain talk linked: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion#Ambiversion http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion#A... But while labels are handy as a shortcut to talk about or research something easily, at the end of the day everyone is different.
INTPenis 14y ago
Introvert and Extrovert are just two ends of a spectrum, most people are balanced in between these two ends.

ukapu 14y ago

>I like socializing, hanging out with friends, and going to parties, but they make me feel tired and I need time alone to "recharge" afterward. It's especially draining to meet new people. This sounds like a Forer statement to me, to be honest. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forer_effect http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forer_effect) Just about everyone needs time to relax by themselves sometimes. Wanting to be left alone once in a while doesn't make you an introvert.

barbs 14y ago
> Just about everyone needs time to relax by themselves sometimes. Wanting to be left alone once in a while doesn't make you an introvert. I think it's more of a spectrum than a binary thing. I agree, everyone needs to be alone sometimes, but I guess it differs on how much time they need to relax by themselves, and how much or how often they want to be left alone.
- ukapu 14y ago
  You're right, it's definitely a spectrum. But I guess just generally speaking I find the whole introvert/extrovert dichotomy to be massively overblown.
InclinedPlane 14y ago
I think this is one of those cases where unless you personally know a lot of people who fall on different places on the scale and perhaps if you personally don't sit at one of the extremes then it can be harder to believe. While this sort of grouping is certainly a huge oversimplification it does hold a great deal of truth in my experience and observation. I personally am naturally introverted and the whole "alone time to recharge" thing has always been true for me. Even if I'm having the time of my life hanging out with my close friends it's still the case that once I get back home I will typically crave alone time, often even in preference to sleep even if it's super late at night. I also used to have a roommate who was a pretty classic extrovert and his behavior fit into the "recharge by interacting with people" model perfectly. There's certainly a lot more complexity to social interaction than just introversion and extroversion but to a first order approximation it is astoundingly accurate.

miles_matthias 14y ago

I agree with those definitions, especially after reading "Quiet". It's a book that I highly recommend to anyone that has to work with other people, especially people who manage other people.

8ig8 14y ago

Chris Coyier (CSS-Tricks) provided personal insight into this similar position last week. As an introvert, I've heard it before, but it is always helpful to be reminded that I'm not that unusual at all: http://the-pastry-box-project.net/chris-coyier/2013-april-3/ http://the-pastry-box-project.net/chris-coyier/2013-april-3/ > The truth about the difference between introverts and extroverts lies in how personal energy is used and gained. Introverts need a lot of recharging time to gain energy. Being out-and-about, especially in social situations, is draining. Alone time is the only way to get that energy back. For me, it’s a lot of alone time. Not sitting in a dark cave staring at the wall, but somewhere comfortable where I can do other activities I enjoy. Laying on a hotel bed catching up on the internet totally counts. At home cooking dinner totally counts. Even reading a book at a coffee shop counts.

ComputerGuru 14y ago

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4992301 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4992301 :)

chmike 14y ago

I was wondering if this energy drain could be caused by the need to compensate something. For instance if we would need to be more careful of what we say and relationships. For most of us walking is something natural and automatic. Imagine someone who would have to think and be attentive of every step he makes. This would be energy draining.

rockmeamedee 14y ago

I don't think so. I used to think I was a huge introvert. I'd stay quiet in social situations and being in groups exhausted me. But now I've started to make some deep friendships with people around me, and it's almost the other way. Sometimes I can be so drained from work that I want to call up some friends to hang out, and sometimes I get tired from hanging out and want to go solo for a bit. I think it's the same as the Night Owl vs Early Bird thing, where I don't think there is a real distinction either. I've experienced a complete shift from staying up until 1am to getting at 5am and now I don't think there's a real personality type associated with either schedule. I can do both fluidly, so I see it just as a lifestyle difference.

jrgnsd 14y ago
Anecdotal evidence, but I find that part of being an introvert is that you have fewer, but deeper, relationships. There might be research / articles to back this up. People are social beings, so both introverts and extroverts need friendships. The difference lies in the quantity and quality.