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> Seriously, do you want to marry someone who might cheat because your dick is not as wide as that of a hookup who happened to show up at the college reunion?

> Seriously, do you want to marry someone who might cheat because your dick is not as wide as that of a hookup who happened to show up at the college reunion? Why are you so afraid of women?

xiaoma 18y ago
>Why are you so afraid of women? Women have the power to hurt him. In this day and age, outright threats to our survival are rare unless we choose to seek them out. Food, shelter, and other basic necessities are easily within the grasp of nearly the entire population. Desirable sexual partners are not. Due to our nature, the majority of men and women cannot get the partner they want most of the time. The pain of being betrayed or discarded by that one you thought you had found is considerable. Not only that, but it's visceral. It's hard-wired into our physiology that that will hurt in a way few other things can.
time_management 18y ago
Why do you think I'm "afraid of women"? The fact is that, if a woman's had a lot of casual sex, she's developed a taste for variety and you have no hope of being her ideal man. When you're in bed with her, she's wishing you had Biff's abs, Jethro's penis girth, and the "roughness" of that club promoter whose name she's forgotten. So she's likely to cheat after a while in search of those traits, and even if she doesn't go off and do it, she's going to be mentally cheating all the time by fantasizing. I'm a guy of mostly above-average physical traits and skill, but it's humanly impossible for any man to be the best at everything, for every woman. I don't have, for example, a 10-inch dick that's 5 inches wide, and I wouldn't really want one, to be honest; I'm more than happy with what God gave me. But that's what it takes to please a woman who's had 20 partners, because she's taken a lot of huge dicks and is "stretched out". A woman who's been with too many guys is always going to be missing that one thing that some other guy did or had, and nobody wants to be with a woman who's going to be constantly fantasizing about other men.
- sho 18y ago
  So let me get this straight. A woman who's had experience with better men than yourself isn't satisfied with your "assets", or lack of them, anymore. So you wish that women wouldn't shop around, that way they wouldn't know there was something better out there. Sound about right?
  - time_management 18y ago
    It's not about "better" or "worse". It's about the fact that a woman who's been with too many guys starts wanting to "have it all", even on traits that are contradictory (e.g. she wants the brutish alpha and the sensitive guy, even though they never occur in the same person) and can never be satisfied by one man, no matter how good he is.
    - sho 18y ago
      So, if no man can satisfy her, why are you worried? She'll be back if you turn out to be the best for her, after all. Just sounds like your whole strategy for winning the beautiful babies is to deny them the information they need to make an informed decision.
      - time_management 18y ago
        A woman who can't be satisfied by one man is not going to "settle" for the best guy out of N available. She's going to date one and fuck the others on the side. Just sounds like your whole strategy for winning the beautiful babies is to deny them the information they need to make an informed decision. No. I think women would she able to make informed decisions, but I also think they ought to be ladylike, resolute, and discriminate, rather the enabling the asshole alphas who go on to become rapists. Also, a woman who has had a lot of casual sex is simply not going to be emotionally stable enough for a long-term relationships.
        sho 18y ago
        But you have no evidence for any of this. It's just your personal theory. To me at least, it sounds highly dubious. In my experience most people do not act like that. Casual sex does not necessarily make people emotionally unstable. Alpha males do not need to become rapists. Nothing you say makes sense. And what on earth do you mean by "ladylike"? They are ladies, by definition they act ladylike. You live in a very strange world my friend.
- ahoyhere 18y ago
  > But that's what it takes to please a woman who's had 20 partners, because she's taken a lot of huge dicks and is "stretched out". I haven't heard anything so ludicrous since I used to frequent teen sex ed forums (to dispense advice) at 14. Gentlemen, the true character of this discussion, revealed.
  - time_management 18y ago
    What the hell kind of fucked-up childhood did you have that rendered you qualified to dispense sex-ed advice at 14? Don't answer this. I really don't want to know.
    - ahoyhere 18y ago
      I had good, consexual sex with another teenager. And unlike the other young people on the forum, I read a lot of scientific books, so I was able to counter such idiotic, voodoo-type teenaged beliefs such as "stretched out" vaginas.
      - time_management 18y ago
        You lost your virginity at 14, and you admit this in public? I'm shocked. I honestly don't know what to say to that. I hope that either you or Biff tipped the overnight guy at the gas station. Cleaning those restrooms is not a fun job.
        ahoyhere 18y ago
        Way to show off those classy moral legs of yours, dude.
        time_management 18y ago
        At least I didn't fuck up my life in the first year of high school.
- jhancock 18y ago
  "The fact is that, if a woman's had a lot of casual sex, she's developed a taste for variety and you have no hope of being her ideal man." No, this is not a fact. Perhaps the real problem here is you don't know a whole lot about women. I'm not trying to be rude to you. Most women, regardless of sexual history, DO NOT marry and stay with a man for the same reasons as a man marries and stays with a woman. Here is a fact: A woman can have many partners, search what feels to her a lifetime, find a man, fall in love and never, ever in her mind compare you with another man.
  - time_management 18y ago
    You may be right-- you're older and more experienced than I am-- but I wouldn't be inclined to take the risk. All considered, I don't think I could marry a woman with a history of casual sex when there might be someone out there who is just as good and doesn't have that kind of history.
    - jhancock 18y ago
      I hope you do find the right girl for you. Its very healthy to openly discuss these issues. You don't need to change how you feel about who the right girl is for you. In fact, you may not be able to change it. You just need to understand it. My only advice to you is to not project this as an issue of morals. To be certain, there are times when what you would call "loose morals" come in to play and this is correlated to high sexual activity. But I have found this correlation does not extend to the majority of women. In fact, I have known women with low or no sexual activity who had questionable morals.
  - diN0bot 18y ago
    flagged bc your formatting ruins this whole discussion because now i have to horizontally scroll. even if your formatting is hn's fault not yours. if enough people flag, then maybe this comment will disappear. which is a shame, because i agree with your comment completely, quoted below: No, this is not a fact. Perhaps the real problem here is you don't know a whole lot about women. I'm not trying to be rude to you. Most women, regardless of sexual history, DO NOT marry and stay with a man for the same reasons as a man marries and stays with a woman. Here is a fact: A woman can have many partners, search what feels to her a lifetime, find a man, fall in love and never, ever in her mind compare you with another man.
- DanielBMarkham 18y ago
  This is more of an indication of your insecurity than the actual opinions of people with multiple sexual partners. Sex isn't the Olympics. You're not always going to hook up with the best person and if you find a new person move on to them. Looks aren't everything. As Ben Franklin observed about having sex with older women "All cats are gray in the dark" I've been in relationships with girls who had multiple partners who thought this way. They were sluts. (same goes for guys on the other side of the deal). I've also been with girls who had multiple partners who were extremely loyal. Yes -- people who are uninhibited, risk-takers, and have poor judgment skills are not the kind for long-term relationships. But that set of people does not include everybody who has had multiple sex partners, even though all of those people are probably promiscuous. You're being silly. It's much wiser to spend your time creating boundaries about how you deserve to be treated, not about what somebody's past is. Get out. Meet people. Date. Have sex if that is what comes natural to you. If you don't feel like it, don't have sex. But don't go berserko over past sex partners. You'll never compare up to the best of 20 other guys -- and if you think you have to, you don't understand what having a relationship means.
  - time_management 18y ago
    You'll never compare up to the best of 20 other guys -- and if you think you have to, you don't understand what having a relationship means. This is where I have to remain idealistic. I'd much rather have no relationship at all than one in which the woman's constantly pining for some other guy. In any case, I'd dump a girl on the spot if I found out she'd had 20 partners, so that particular example's not very relevant to me.
    - DanielBMarkham 18y ago
      If a woman was pining for some other guy, you wouldn't want a relationship with her whether or not she was promiscuous. You're conflating concepts that don't relate. I dated a girl once who was pining for some other guy and who wasn't promiscuous. I dumped her. Likewise I dated a girl who had had better sexual partners than me who did not pine for any of them. The relationship lasted a while until another unrelated event caused it to split. I've dated girls and had sex with them and dated girls and didn't have sex. I've seen all of these combinations, and it really looks like you're taking shortcuts that don't always hold up. You've got your cause and effect mixed up -- in my opinion only, of course. The most risky relationship? One with someone who had never had sex or made any "moral" mistakes at all. Because everybody has to screw up sometime. I'd much rather have somebody who has sewn their oats and learned from it. To mangle an old phrase, if you're a kid and not promiscuous, you have a problem with your heart. If you're an old person and are promiscuous, you have a problem with your head.
lalaca 18y ago
He has a good point though. I certainly would not want my wife/serious gf to have been "around" a lot (i.e. knowing the football team). Maybe casual sexual encounters is American culture, but respectfully I think it is a bad thing.
- ahoyhere 18y ago
  Mature love is about learning to accept people for who they are, where they came from, and where they are going. Otherwise you're just trying to fulfill a shopping list, and it's not going to work out for anyone.
  - time_management 18y ago
    Some things are unacceptable, though. Casual sex is one of them. Would you marry an ex-child molester? Assume he claimed to be reformed, and that he didn't do it anymore, and that it was something he only did when he was intoxicated and "caught up in the moment" (whatever that means). Obviously, the reasonable answer is no. Nobody wants to marry someone who's done something like that in his or her past. Experiences and past behaviors matter. Now you understand how normal men feel about casual sex.
    - bretthoerner 18y ago
      How the hell does consenting casual sex between adults relate to child molestation? Holy crap man, please seek lots and lots of therapy.
      - time_management 18y ago
        They're both deviant behaviors looked down upon by the mainstream for the permanent emotional harm they cause to the people involved.
        bretthoerner 18y ago
        You're insane. Please, please, seek therapy. You clearly have a brain but something terrible must have happened to you, and I'm sorry for that, but you need to find help. You cannot equate "Would you marry an ex-child molester?" and "Would you marry someone who has had casual sex?" Cannot. CANNOT. One raped a fucking child, dude. RAPED. A. CHILD. Another had a consensual relationship with another willing adult. You cannot and should not equate the two just because you happen to disagree with both. That is plain and outright creepy. I hope you're a troll. Seriously.

> Seriously, do you want to marry someone who might cheat because your dick is not as wide as that of a hookup who happened to show up at the college reunion? Why are you so afraid of women?

xiaoma 18y ago

>Why are you so afraid of women? Women have the power to hurt him. In this day and age, outright threats to our survival are rare unless we choose to seek them out. Food, shelter, and other basic necessities are easily within the grasp of nearly the entire population. Desirable sexual partners are not. Due to our nature, the majority of men and women cannot get the partner they want most of the time. The pain of being betrayed or discarded by that one you thought you had found is considerable. Not only that, but it's visceral. It's hard-wired into our physiology that that will hurt in a way few other things can.

time_management 18y ago

Why do you think I'm "afraid of women"? The fact is that, if a woman's had a lot of casual sex, she's developed a taste for variety and you have no hope of being her ideal man. When you're in bed with her, she's wishing you had Biff's abs, Jethro's penis girth, and the "roughness" of that club promoter whose name she's forgotten. So she's likely to cheat after a while in search of those traits, and even if she doesn't go off and do it, she's going to be mentally cheating all the time by fantasizing. I'm a guy of mostly above-average physical traits and skill, but it's humanly impossible for any man to be the best at everything, for every woman. I don't have, for example, a 10-inch dick that's 5 inches wide, and I wouldn't really want one, to be honest; I'm more than happy with what God gave me. But that's what it takes to please a woman who's had 20 partners, because she's taken a lot of huge dicks and is "stretched out". A woman who's been with too many guys is always going to be missing that one thing that some other guy did or had, and nobody wants to be with a woman who's going to be constantly fantasizing about other men.

sho 18y ago
So let me get this straight. A woman who's had experience with better men than yourself isn't satisfied with your "assets", or lack of them, anymore. So you wish that women wouldn't shop around, that way they wouldn't know there was something better out there. Sound about right?
- time_management 18y ago
  It's not about "better" or "worse". It's about the fact that a woman who's been with too many guys starts wanting to "have it all", even on traits that are contradictory (e.g. she wants the brutish alpha and the sensitive guy, even though they never occur in the same person) and can never be satisfied by one man, no matter how good he is.
  - sho 18y ago
    So, if no man can satisfy her, why are you worried? She'll be back if you turn out to be the best for her, after all. Just sounds like your whole strategy for winning the beautiful babies is to deny them the information they need to make an informed decision.
    - time_management 18y ago
      A woman who can't be satisfied by one man is not going to "settle" for the best guy out of N available. She's going to date one and fuck the others on the side. Just sounds like your whole strategy for winning the beautiful babies is to deny them the information they need to make an informed decision. No. I think women would she able to make informed decisions, but I also think they ought to be ladylike, resolute, and discriminate, rather the enabling the asshole alphas who go on to become rapists. Also, a woman who has had a lot of casual sex is simply not going to be emotionally stable enough for a long-term relationships.
      - sho 18y ago
        But you have no evidence for any of this. It's just your personal theory. To me at least, it sounds highly dubious. In my experience most people do not act like that. Casual sex does not necessarily make people emotionally unstable. Alpha males do not need to become rapists. Nothing you say makes sense. And what on earth do you mean by "ladylike"? They are ladies, by definition they act ladylike. You live in a very strange world my friend.
ahoyhere 18y ago
> But that's what it takes to please a woman who's had 20 partners, because she's taken a lot of huge dicks and is "stretched out". I haven't heard anything so ludicrous since I used to frequent teen sex ed forums (to dispense advice) at 14. Gentlemen, the true character of this discussion, revealed.
- time_management 18y ago
  What the hell kind of fucked-up childhood did you have that rendered you qualified to dispense sex-ed advice at 14? Don't answer this. I really don't want to know.
  - ahoyhere 18y ago
    I had good, consexual sex with another teenager. And unlike the other young people on the forum, I read a lot of scientific books, so I was able to counter such idiotic, voodoo-type teenaged beliefs such as "stretched out" vaginas.
    - time_management 18y ago
      You lost your virginity at 14, and you admit this in public? I'm shocked. I honestly don't know what to say to that. I hope that either you or Biff tipped the overnight guy at the gas station. Cleaning those restrooms is not a fun job.
      - ahoyhere 18y ago
        Way to show off those classy moral legs of yours, dude.
        time_management 18y ago
        At least I didn't fuck up my life in the first year of high school.
jhancock 18y ago
"The fact is that, if a woman's had a lot of casual sex, she's developed a taste for variety and you have no hope of being her ideal man." No, this is not a fact. Perhaps the real problem here is you don't know a whole lot about women. I'm not trying to be rude to you. Most women, regardless of sexual history, DO NOT marry and stay with a man for the same reasons as a man marries and stays with a woman. Here is a fact: A woman can have many partners, search what feels to her a lifetime, find a man, fall in love and never, ever in her mind compare you with another man.
- time_management 18y ago
  You may be right-- you're older and more experienced than I am-- but I wouldn't be inclined to take the risk. All considered, I don't think I could marry a woman with a history of casual sex when there might be someone out there who is just as good and doesn't have that kind of history.
  - jhancock 18y ago
    I hope you do find the right girl for you. Its very healthy to openly discuss these issues. You don't need to change how you feel about who the right girl is for you. In fact, you may not be able to change it. You just need to understand it. My only advice to you is to not project this as an issue of morals. To be certain, there are times when what you would call "loose morals" come in to play and this is correlated to high sexual activity. But I have found this correlation does not extend to the majority of women. In fact, I have known women with low or no sexual activity who had questionable morals.
- diN0bot 18y ago
  flagged bc your formatting ruins this whole discussion because now i have to horizontally scroll. even if your formatting is hn's fault not yours. if enough people flag, then maybe this comment will disappear. which is a shame, because i agree with your comment completely, quoted below: No, this is not a fact. Perhaps the real problem here is you don't know a whole lot about women. I'm not trying to be rude to you. Most women, regardless of sexual history, DO NOT marry and stay with a man for the same reasons as a man marries and stays with a woman. Here is a fact: A woman can have many partners, search what feels to her a lifetime, find a man, fall in love and never, ever in her mind compare you with another man.
DanielBMarkham 18y ago
This is more of an indication of your insecurity than the actual opinions of people with multiple sexual partners. Sex isn't the Olympics. You're not always going to hook up with the best person and if you find a new person move on to them. Looks aren't everything. As Ben Franklin observed about having sex with older women "All cats are gray in the dark" I've been in relationships with girls who had multiple partners who thought this way. They were sluts. (same goes for guys on the other side of the deal). I've also been with girls who had multiple partners who were extremely loyal. Yes -- people who are uninhibited, risk-takers, and have poor judgment skills are not the kind for long-term relationships. But that set of people does not include everybody who has had multiple sex partners, even though all of those people are probably promiscuous. You're being silly. It's much wiser to spend your time creating boundaries about how you deserve to be treated, not about what somebody's past is. Get out. Meet people. Date. Have sex if that is what comes natural to you. If you don't feel like it, don't have sex. But don't go berserko over past sex partners. You'll never compare up to the best of 20 other guys -- and if you think you have to, you don't understand what having a relationship means.
- time_management 18y ago
  You'll never compare up to the best of 20 other guys -- and if you think you have to, you don't understand what having a relationship means. This is where I have to remain idealistic. I'd much rather have no relationship at all than one in which the woman's constantly pining for some other guy. In any case, I'd dump a girl on the spot if I found out she'd had 20 partners, so that particular example's not very relevant to me.
  - DanielBMarkham 18y ago
    If a woman was pining for some other guy, you wouldn't want a relationship with her whether or not she was promiscuous. You're conflating concepts that don't relate. I dated a girl once who was pining for some other guy and who wasn't promiscuous. I dumped her. Likewise I dated a girl who had had better sexual partners than me who did not pine for any of them. The relationship lasted a while until another unrelated event caused it to split. I've dated girls and had sex with them and dated girls and didn't have sex. I've seen all of these combinations, and it really looks like you're taking shortcuts that don't always hold up. You've got your cause and effect mixed up -- in my opinion only, of course. The most risky relationship? One with someone who had never had sex or made any "moral" mistakes at all. Because everybody has to screw up sometime. I'd much rather have somebody who has sewn their oats and learned from it. To mangle an old phrase, if you're a kid and not promiscuous, you have a problem with your heart. If you're an old person and are promiscuous, you have a problem with your head.

lalaca 18y ago

He has a good point though. I certainly would not want my wife/serious gf to have been "around" a lot (i.e. knowing the football team). Maybe casual sexual encounters is American culture, but respectfully I think it is a bad thing.

ahoyhere 18y ago
Mature love is about learning to accept people for who they are, where they came from, and where they are going. Otherwise you're just trying to fulfill a shopping list, and it's not going to work out for anyone.
- time_management 18y ago
  Some things are unacceptable, though. Casual sex is one of them. Would you marry an ex-child molester? Assume he claimed to be reformed, and that he didn't do it anymore, and that it was something he only did when he was intoxicated and "caught up in the moment" (whatever that means). Obviously, the reasonable answer is no. Nobody wants to marry someone who's done something like that in his or her past. Experiences and past behaviors matter. Now you understand how normal men feel about casual sex.
  - bretthoerner 18y ago
    How the hell does consenting casual sex between adults relate to child molestation? Holy crap man, please seek lots and lots of therapy.
    - time_management 18y ago
      They're both deviant behaviors looked down upon by the mainstream for the permanent emotional harm they cause to the people involved.
      - bretthoerner 18y ago
        You're insane. Please, please, seek therapy. You clearly have a brain but something terrible must have happened to you, and I'm sorry for that, but you need to find help. You cannot equate "Would you marry an ex-child molester?" and "Would you marry someone who has had casual sex?" Cannot. CANNOT. One raped a fucking child, dude. RAPED. A. CHILD. Another had a consensual relationship with another willing adult. You cannot and should not equate the two just because you happen to disagree with both. That is plain and outright creepy. I hope you're a troll. Seriously.